Hello fellow /b/astards. I've reached a point where I no longer perceive a purpose in my life, and feel no motivation to live other than guilt and obligation toward my family. Joy is short lived, and usually provided by a handful of vices like alcohol, leaving me with a sick, empty, low feeling after the short-lived high. I am sick of trying and failing constantly, and I have lost interest in pushing on in a pointless existence when the handful of people who care about me are usually hurt by me.
I am an asshole, and I want to take the asshole's way out. I want to stop hurting. I want to kill myself, and have, on and off, for about a decade.
Give me a good reason to live.
>inb4 do it faggot
>inb4 lebouf memes
travel. try new drugs. meet new people.
grow beyond yourself -its possible.
dont forget that you may be alone, but in the end of the day youre a Type, there are a lot of guys like you -like me.
Read. Watch movies. Learn.
I know any word can save you if you are really going for it. But dont. Just dont. Have the courage of living the life that you have been given (which is extremely different of the life of the majority of people). I will try to do the same -easy to say.
Suicide is the recognizement of a failure: your failure in living the life youve been given.
>bad English, I know.
I have traveled. I now live abroad, in a country where it has been exceedingly difficult to get psychiatric help in English.
I spend most of my time drinking and watching movies, and I've watched everything from Fassbinder to Kurosawa to Spielberg to Hitchcock.
And as a white, lower middle class American, my life is VERY similar to countless others. The difference is my love life has been somewhat unique. And I got married to the second person I ever fucked.
Honestly you don't sound like you need a reason to live... you sound like a very, very short-sighted hedonist who would do just fine if you could think a few weeks in advance about how to get your worthless pleasures.
Exercising makes you feel better.
You can also try reading The book of secrets, by Osho -renounce everything, shut the fuck up and just be in the moment.
There are spiritual paths, drugs, etc, to explore
I know you dont feel like it, but fuck how you feel. You will feel it when the moment comes. You gotta Force Yourself.
Oh and I love drugs. Tried plenty, would like to try plenty more. But I have a substance abuse problem, and a wife who would rather take a vacation than buy drugs with our money.
this is up to you faggot. you could wake up just so you could smoke a bowl and burn ants with your magnifying glass. you created this guilt trip. all your misery is self induced.