>knock on the door >"FBI, open up! We need to check
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>knock on the door
>"FBI, open up! We need to check your computer."
What do you do?
Also how fucked are you?
>Open door
>Ask for search warrant
>If one is presented allow them in
>Sit back and relax while they search my computer
>Tip my MAGA hat as they leave
Faggots
>>681973046
>2016
>people on /b/ still think /b/ is full of edgy anarchist hackers with shit on their computer that the FBI would give two flying fucks about
No one cares what you're doing on here. No one gives a shit.
>>681973046
Ask for a warrant. If they actually have one then you're fucked because OP is a faggot
They find 3 songs I downloaded from YouTube, and that I haven't payed for winzip and continue to use it past the 30 days it says it's free for
>>681973046
Cringe memes and conversations with friends
>>681973547
Then they take your tower and find all your cp
>>681973680
OP is a paedophile so they will find CP
Not let them in. I have nothing to hide but I am outside their jurisdiction. Why is the FBI in Canada anyway?
>>681973046
>implying they would even need to come to your house to check out what you have been looking at/saving online.
>>681973547
Trashing your monitor isn't going to help you, bruv.
>>681973046
Tell them they're out of their jurisdiction and I would more than gladly show my computer to people with a warrant
>>681973919
ERT coming in hot.
that isn't how they roll. They blow your door off the hinges at 3 am, shoot your fucking dog, shoot anyone who resists, zip tie you and your family up, then start copying your drives.
Well you see officers uh....it's uh....it's art
>>681974225
>infowars.com
>>681974271
Hopefully this one is shot dead without reason or warning.
>>681974303
no my dad's a criminal defense atty
>>681973046
Turn 360 degrees and walk away
>>681973046
hope that cached thumbnails arent incriminating. >i swears i didnt know it was cp when i clicked on it
>>681974303
one of my friends woke up at 4 am with a swat team pointing guns in his face. They unlocked his basement door and came in that way. He always said shit like "I'll never go to prison" and shit like that and had tons of guns, but he went down like a bitch.
>>681974490
they are. google that shit. proof of both possession and trafficking.
>>681973046
Not fucked at all, but they'd probably put me on some list for having so many pictures of dead people
>>681974326
>now I'm like
Burn the house down!
>>681974225
>not being awake at 3 am
>not sleeping for 20 minutes every 3 hours and 3 hours at changing times for REM sleep
>not having encryption and a strong magnet ready
normies
>>681973046
>ask for warrant
>let in if they have one
>let them browse my 2GB of Animal Crossing: New Leaf pictures.\
>kek as they leave
>>681974765
what do you do for a life
https://youtu.be/g3KPSyNxnL8
>>681974225
>>681973046
Germanfag here. we have pretty sweet laws. first of all they are not allowed to kick in your door until imminent danger (so no probs with pc)
next thing is, they are not allowed knocking at the nighttime till approx. 5 or 6
so if they knock one day im not just rested well, no i have truecrypt saving my ass on top. on an pc seperated from the web and an unique 25 signs and letter password. so im not fucked, would just be pissed i cant get rid of my morning boner
>>681973046
Hello FBI, feel free to search my apartment
but you have to take out any niggers you see instantly alright?
>they take my computer
>attempt to recover any deleted images/files
>all they see is corrupted watermelons
>1tb of the exact image
>end up in nut house
>kek as they try kicking in my steel door bolted in a steel door frame
>computer goes in the tub filled with water
>grab bugout bag
>sneak out the escape tunel in my basement that intersects with city sewer
>get to moms house and get my bugout truck I store there
>drive to alaska and live the next few years in remote wilderness
>>681973046
computer won't start no harddrive... i use Smartphone ... way better
>>681974971
>>681974971
no you want to link this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiBI0yrtHUo
>>681974991
Truecrypt is illegal in Germany, any encryption is. Atleast if you have the truecrypt before it became an honeypot.
>>681973046
>invite them in
>serve tea and chat with the officers
>one is black and looks like ludacris the rapper
>"go ahead take my computer,"
>they take computer out through doorway
>8 industrial degausing strips embedded in door frame
>old school spin drives magnetically wiped instantly just by passing through the doorway
>laugh as the cops take out empty hard drives
>they notice me laughing
>they turn and ask me to come down town
>throw pocket sand in their eyes
>i kempo knee through the wall into my escape pod
>as it flies up to the mothership i start to relax
>explosive flak begins detonating around my pod
>access rear camera
>fbi brought anti air canons
>exterior armor getting fucked up
>engine fails
>try to activate motherships remote spherical gravity generator
>fails to pull me in
>crash land back on my house in a ball of flames
>crawl out of wreckage with a broken leg and a missing hand
>cops walk up to me
>tells me i'm fucking crazy
>i spit out blood and laugh before replying
>"no sir, i'm just ludacris"
>he looks at me and says
>"me too"
I've downloaded a few questionable things from google images (that 4chan banned me for posting). How can I be sure they are permanently deleted from my phone?
>not worried about computer
>hide my cans of Surge
> It's a miracle this shit's back, I'm not letting some fed fuckbois get their hands on em'.
>>681975156
you win at life.
"Oh, sorry officers. It is has AES-256 encryption and I've been looking for the password. I can't get into my own computer even if I wanted to. Good luck cracking the password, though..."
ps. aes-256 is an NP-complete problem, which means they can only do an exhaustive search to figure out the password. With a 12-character password, number of possibilities (72^12) are so many that it'd easily take over 100,000 years figure it out with even the most powerful number-crunching machines on the planet.
>>681975135
>truecrypt before it became an honeypot.
which version is that. I thought they shut it down once NSA started pressuring them.
>>681973046
Probably start moving some things closer to the walls so they don't knock them over or break something by accident.
>>681974954
>study at university
>get good welfare, because I study in a decent country
A friend makes money with botnets, but although I know how not to get caught, I'm too paranoid for shit like that.
>>681975135
Truecrypt illegal in Germany?
Encryption illegal in Germany?
Seems you got something wrong...
>>681975271
Whoooa this kid is hardcore
Kill yourself
Since I got new hardware I keep it clean. But if they would get their hands on the old hardware the only solution would probably go out in north hollywood style.
>>681973547
but that is the monitor asshole
>>681975156
Kek. It's too damn early to be this damn high, bruh.
>>681975320
how you make money btw.. is it all adware / link promotion shit?
>>681973046
i wont be fucket. i have the windows password query aktivated. and my name plus "1"
fuck iu fbai
I don't have a permanent address, police have arrested me before though and got away every time.
>>681975271
>only using 12 characters and not 24+
fucking pleb
>>681974954
also I worked in a factory last summer for some extra cash
couldn't stand the people there
>>681973046
>Go on jewtube
>Play this full blast : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2PAkPp0_bY
>Shift delete as much dirt as I can
>When they get in I had flip power supply switch to higher incorrect voltage
>As soon as they boot they fry my whole board and drives
>Sue them for damages and buy Occulus rig with new pc.
>Everythingwentbetterthanexspected.tiff
A shit load of gog.com games raging from darklands to carmegaddon hopefully they'll come across my collection of stories I've written over the years but too poor to print them much less publish maybe they'd help with that...oh and librvox out the ass
>>681975532
Breddy gud
>>681974765
>>681974765
I know he was weaksauce. I sleep with a kill switch so if I roll over in my sleep it wipes all my drives.
Not really fucked. The worst I have is a picture of a koalas with a photoshopped dick template.
>>681975476
What's the fucking point?
I'll be long dead before they could crack either.
Unless some mathematician proves P=NP but then they'll have a way bigger crisis to worry about than what's on my computer.
>>681975453
well
what this particular friend does is that sort of thing,yes, but also profiling certain peoples online activities and selling lists and tables with profiling content
and, of course, steals grannies credit card number and/or scams old people into spending money generally
>>681973046
Sure thing mr fbi. Also could you please unlock my iphone for me? I forgot the 4 pass code.
>>681975271
>Implying they wouldn't just bypass that shit with a NIX-SB 34 retouleur.
>>681973046
420 burn it
>>681975787
>profiling certain peoples online activities and selling lists and tables with profiling content
who purchases this?
>>681975279
Hard to say, no one knows the exact date sourceforge was phished, but the earlier version the better
>>681975330
ah you're right, sorry was confusing banned software from illegal software
>>681973046
this
me here
>>681974991
>>681975135
not only that encrpytion is allowed, no on top i cant be forced to give them my passord by law.
so i dont have to come up with such a oceans 13 plan why i forgot it.
>>681975888
companies mostly
>>681973046
Not at all.
The ONLY thing would be if some dufus recently posted CP on /b/ and browser cache had not flushed.
>>681975943
omg that was what i was thinking
>>681975943
yeah too late
>>681975128
but appreciate your efford
>>681974765
U think your ready? They goin black bag ya! Better be ready. Watch out for the black helicopters.
>>681975320
the good life im getting out of the united shits
>>681973046
>answer door with My Little Pony underwear
>Let them in as long as I get to watch them go through the computer
>sit back as they go through 300 gb of furry, horse, and cuck porn
>laugh as they have to search through all my anime blogs to search for suspicious activity
>mfw they find the child porn labeled midget porn
>>681975992
interesting.
>>681975978
in the US 99% of people plea guilty. once you realize you are looking at 100+ years of prison, you take the 3 year deal. wish I were lying, but ask any defense attorney. No body fights those cases.
Would be fucked. I'd go to jail forever. Life would be ruined.
I guess I'd have to pull out a gun and start shouting my family. Of course I'd blow my brains out too. They'd never take me alive.
>>681975756
>I'll be long dead before they could crack either
it's current year dude, you can build a 3000 dollar machine that can easily do a trillion~ guesses a second. All the entropy bullshit pushed in the 2000s is wrong.
>>681976194
>but appreciate your efford
my link is best link faggzor
>>681976467
yeah and quantam computing is going to tear encryption a new shithole.
>>681975077
Kill your mom before you get there
I'd be fine because I'm not a sick fuck
>>681976383
fuck 100+years. but what do you mean exactly? 100+ when they have the decrypted data or eaven a ton of encrypted stuff, just assuming its forbidden?
>>681975943
what movie is this again?
>>681975156
is... is the first part of this actually possible?
>>681976699
the core
>>681975943
Z nation lol... back story on how he became the gubmint's bitch.
>>681976754
About wiping the drive using magnets? Hell yes.
>>681975156
Kekat
>>681976474
i like your intentionally or unintentionally spelling.
i would be proud to be a faggzor sounds like im sucking cocks part time and am an emperor the other
>>681976652
3 years per illegal image. Even if they can't get into the drive, they probably have some decent evidence against the person - but lets say the evidence is questionable ok? Like there maybe wasn't probable cause, or they beat it out of you or whatever. They have records of 100s of images being transferred to your IP, but can't pin it on you because they can't get into your computer or something. Anyway, you are looking at 100+ years in prison, and you aren't 100% sure they can't crack your shit. I mean, they came in and froze the RAM, you think your PW is secure, but if they crank at it for a few months who knows. And they have had you in an interrogation room for 12 hours, 4 of which you had had to piss. you haven't slept. all that shit.
but yeah even when you get a lawyer, they always tell you "well you can fight it, but if you lose you go to prison for 100+ years. Or you can please to 3 years and get on with your life ( as a registered sex offender ) .
you fucking take the deal.
>>681976754
Sure, if they were strong enough and the drives weren't SSD.
>>681975825
FBI?
>>681976938
you can't wipe drives with magnets for shit. try it sometime.
>>681976754
When the FBI raids you, they encase your hard drive in a lead box before they leave the room.
>>681973046
Eh I'm fine. There's not even porn on there.
>>681977486
fucking normie
>>681977326
This is wrong. Anything that uses magnets can be fucked up by other magnets. You're most likely trying it on non-magnetic drives or present day phones and expecting the wrong results.
Most present day phones use flash memory so rubbing a magnet on them will do literally nothing besides possibly throw off the internal compass briefly.
>>681973046
Set off my cobalt nuke. dirty as fuck, they aren't gonna survive.
>>681977486
>>681977185
pretty convincing. thank god, alah, budda, the old taurus think the egyptian were praying to and other power subjects im innocent of all carges
>>681975825
>NIX-SB 34 retouleur
What is this?
>>681978355
or aint I
>>681973046
trigger the device, have 1 min to flee or shoot it out with the cops before the house and part of the block are leveled.
nitrate and petrol work wonders.
>>681975736
I like how this doesn't surprise me
>>681975156
This gave me a good laugh, kudos anon.
>>681978543
It's b8, son.
>>681977390
Hahahaha. No.
>>681975825
>>681980688
Really, what is this?
>>681973750
>winzip
Didnt know anyone still used that
