ITT we come up with the most useless super powers. I'll start.
The power to walk halfway through walls
The power to read people's minds, but it gets translated into a different language and read by Gary Busey
>>678726983
lol oh thanks for that I'm picturing it now and can't stop laughing.
>>678726754
Molting
The power to fly but only when you're inside an airplane
>>678726754
the power to upset Gordon Ramsay
>>678727248
that is so fuckking useless
>>678726754
>Travel back in time to a point where you previously existed with no memory of any events which occurred between the two points and life plays out exactly like it did the last time.
The power to turn invisible when no one is looking
Like half of you can go through the wall, or any of you can only go halfway through it? Because I can see the first one being pretty good for someone who's good at sneaking around, peak your head through the wall to find a target, position yourself on the other side of the wall from them, then reach through and laugh as they shit themselves in fear at the evil hands that came out of the wall and grabbed/smashed/stabbed them.
The power to become a niggerfaggot anytime
The power to grow one inch taller or shorter
spot a dog shits in parks
>>678727577
>>678727600
Checked
the ability to multiply one's belly buttons and the belly buttons of your enemies. You can also can be their sizes.
>>678727600
That actually sounds like it could be enjoyable, go have some crazy fun, and when it's winding down pop back and relive it, and since you don't remember anything it won't get boring if you just keep redoing it, so you can basically just loop that fun time for eternity, without the boredom it would normally bring
The power to identify any poison
by taste.
The ability to piss and cum at the same time
The power of hearing at someone when is masturbating, in a 50m radium, despite walls and stuff
>>678728037
How... How the fuck would one "multiply" belly buttons? Like covering yourself with them or something?
The power to prematurely ejaculate in your pants
To know what everyone's hand smells like
The power to make people useless, but only niggers.
X-ray vision that is blocked by clothes.
>>678726754
The ability to have pigeons follow you in a straight line and when you look at them they fly away and shit on your face.
>>678726754
The ability to think of great ideas and never act on them
The ability to float one centimeter above the ground
The power to moderate /b/, but only for profanity.
>>678727248
kuk
>>678728163
It would be fun as you were only experiencing it once, you would never know you had done it multiple times thou.
and this would go on for infinity because nothing would change.
>>678728760
Fuck you that would actually be awesome.
Omnipotence, but on the condition that you do nothing.
Is this 9fag? Why is this thread so gay?
>>678728294
Oh god no
The power to pick your nose with your ear lobes
>>678728163
That does sound like a good power. I wouldn't mind that at all
The power to explosively self destruct.
The ability to not be a faggot, but only while you're not on 4chan
The power to grant yourself complete amnesia.
the power of a woman to love me
>>678728939
That would be great
The power to throw grains of rice up to 100m
Like the human torch, but just as flammable as a normal human.
The ability to hold your breath underwater indefinitely but only in 1 inch of water
>>678729165
That would be great if you were asian. You have any idea how much rice you could pick?j
Power to read the minds of corpses.
The ability to divide by zero
>>678729106
But only when separate from you. In close proximity you are repellant to her.
The power to create things you are deathly allergic to.
>>678729165
if it goes fast enough you could become a rice hit man and no one will find out its you as the only evidence is a fucking piece of rice
The power to make people shit razorblades
>>678726754
super OPs-Mom fucking
she'd come over every once in awhile while her kid was staying at college.
she'd get naked as soon as she came in, put on her favorite song and start fucking me while crying. she said the song reminded her of raising her child, and motherhood. she told me it reminded her of how much she missed her child. it made her and me cum buckets.
this was the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVI4Knz24CQ
>>678729106
That is pretty useless since it won't happen.
>>678727613
thats not quite so useless. you didnt mention cameras.
The ability to teleport 1 foot to the right
The power to not be a nigger, but only while being raped in prison.
That's easy, the power to regrow limbs, but you can only grow 0.5 pounds every 12 hours.
>>678726754
the power to make your dick as long and thick as you want but can never achieve erection
>>678729680
thats still pretty fucking good
>>678728641
kek
Being able to turn into a plant and not turn back, but retain consciousness and memory.
The power to understand any girls feelings for you, and how to change them. And it's all read by Morgan Freeman.
But while that's happening you transform into an ugly nigger.
>>678729680
That would still be useful as fuck.
>>678726754
The power to make my toenail clippings become pebbles
The power to make everyone in the room simultaneously shit themselves, myself included.
The hability to see a flashback of the conception of every person you touch
>>678727600
>loop back
>life plays out like last time
>you get to the point where you first looped
>loop again
Once you looped once wouldn't you essentially be stuck in an eternal loop at that point
>>678729970
absolutely fuck that.
>>678730032
The power to regrow limbs, but actual tree limbs
Ability to taste the difference between sweat from armpits and sweat from genital regions
>>678729636
thats literally the most useful thing.
>12" think vault door
>???
>profit
The ability to chug literal tons of semen
Since we're talking about superpowers, would you like to stop time and not be affected by it? Or time travel?
>>678728294
Get hot room mates of the gender you're attracted to and rent out a house with a bit of yard.
The power to decide whos the next president
>>678730250
Would be hella useful if you were OP
The ability to travel forward in time at one second per second
The hability to stop time for 5 seconds,but every time you stop loses 1 year of your life
>>678730137
Still better than a stump. At least you could carve it into a useful shape.
>>678728037
that would actually be pretty funny, just imagine seeing someone you hate covered with belly buttons
>>678726754
>>678726754
The ability to sneeze backwards, but only when not being watched/filmed.
>>678730137
I am Groot?
Power to change a nickel into 5 pennies, but only once every 20 minutes.
The ability to gas jews
The ability to look at the sky and change its color so slightly its unnoticable
>>678729970
Fuck that.
Being fucking amazing at identifying animal species of any sort, but only the extinct ones found in Micronesia
>>678730613
You could become a magician
The ability to generate bioluminescent light... from your butthole.
>>678726754
Tick walls can become really good hideouts. You steal some shit, run away and hide. Who the fuck is going to find you?
>>678726983
You just learn the languages. The fucking reward is reading minds. Very useful, you just have to work for it.
>>678727248
Make a crappy cardboard airplane and you can fly whenever you need. Much better than a car.
>>678727336
If you upset him with just your presence, you can just be around him and eventually that will force him to lash out. Then you sue his ass.
>>678727600
That's awesome. You just make preparations for the best fucking day ever; with the movies you always wanted to read, your favorite foods; indulge yourself like a motherfucker and do it over and over again.
>>678727613
That's Rogue's WoW stealth; and that's pretty fucking useful.
>>678727753
You can apply and force to be admitted to any university in the US. You can be a dick and people are forced to concede and let you have your way because "muh opression"
>>678727895
People would pay a lot of money just to be a little taller. That's a good thing.
>>678727916
You never have to step over them no matter what. Hardly life changing but useful nonetheless. You can also be a dick, go to public parks and find who's not cleaning their dog shit. You take pictures and sell them the evidence or force them to pay the fees.
>>678728037
Cover your enemies in belly buttons; and now they can't move or do shit and they're fucking monsters, you ruin their lives and they can't fight back. Amazing power.
>>678728236
You research, keep antidotes; and now it's a lot harder to poison you since you can always know what's up.
>>678728237
That's not too bad. You can go to take a piss after sex and clear your own urethra. Convenient for hygiene.
>>678728294
Go to a female sorority house and fap away.
>>678728437
Orgasm anytime, anywhere? Not that bad.
>>678730667
Why tho.
>>678730613
A weapon to destroy the metal gear?
>>678726754
The power to search a card catalog easily and without frustration.
When you find it the item will always be in paper/analog form.
Use of the internet or any other form of electronic information is instantly fatal however.
>>678730095
But it won't matter because you won't remember once you go back.
>>678730706
Off one trick? That normal magicians can do already pretty much. I don't think so.
>>678726754
The power to present incontrovertible facts and evidence to social justice warriors.
>>678726754
The power to poop thunder down under
best part of it is being named thunderpooper LOL
The ability to become allergic to skin, even your own
>>678730745
Welp, we've identified this guy's useless power. The power to over-analyse the useless powers of random bored faggots.
>>678730928
This has got to be bait or sheer autism
>>678728522
Identifying people by smell seems actually pretty useful.
>>678728641
You can go to black neighborhoods and take their stuff. If they try to stop you, you make them useless.
>>678728688
Pretty good to fake you have psychic powers for easy money. You just have to not look at them. People start believing you're a psychic and you're set for life.
>>678728737
You write them down and sell them.
>>678728760
How the fuck is that bad? You never have to walk again.
>>678726754
The power to remove one hair from your body every 20 years
>>678730849
Maybe not an amazing magician but you could fuck with people harcore
Ability to randomly warp someone's view on reality, but only if they already have a warped view on reality, such as schizophrenia.
you can talk to animals, but only about politics.
>>678726754
That would be like an instant +50% to your camo index.
>>678727248
Way easier than climbing over
Ability to suck penis slightly better than OP
You have retractable claws like Wolverine... on your left butt cheek.
Ability to laugh a jokes that are a little funny if you want too i guess
You can grow a short patchy neckbeard on command
>>678730078
DNA tests be damned
>Start TV Show
>Profit
>>678731043
Well no shit niggerfaggot
>itroleduhard.png
ability to hear statues talk, but all they ever say is that they want food
>>678730071
Under appreciated post
>>678728768
You can basically delete trap or shota threads at will.
>>678728939
So you become God? That's awesome.
>>678728982
Pretty good stunt to do in TV.
>>678729016
You can call it quits anytime, and can die instantly and painlessly whenever you want. Top tier superpower.
>>678729044
Not being a faggot while posting is good enough, honestly.
>>678729048
Whenever you can't take shit anymore you just forget about it. All your problems are poof.
>>678729106
Now that's useless.
>>678729165
Too lazy to do the math, but if you throw rice that hard, you probably can hurt and kill shit. You can become a hunter with nothing but rice as ammo. Pretty good.
>>678729282
You can kill someone with fucking Fire Blast at the expense of having to burn your own hand. Though price, but worth it.
>>678726983
Õ€Õ¥Õ¿Õ¡Ö„Ö€Ö„Õ«Ö€ Õ§ Õ¡Õ½Õ¥Ö„ Õ«Õ¶Õ± Õ¡Õ¾Õ¥Õ¬Õ«
>>678731425
Someone draw this please
>>678730571
>sneeze backwards
The power to ignore shitposting.
>>678726754
and then run the second half through
>>678726983
good thing google translate app understands gary busey
>>678727248
airplane can be the size of a ring. can fly while wearing the ring
>>678727237
>>678727336
useless
>>678727600
>relive your happiest moments
>useless
>>678727613
good thing everyone turns away when you come near
>>678727753
welfare with multiplier
>>678727916
get paid to minesweep parks
>>678727895
dick grows one more inch
>>678728037
bellybuttons multiplied over their mouths and noses, can't breathe
>>678728236
>taste single atoms
>become medical hero
>>678728237
female?
>>678728294
sneak up on unsuspecting enemy wankers
>>678726754
The power to travel through time, but not space. If you ever used it you would most likely end up in space or inside the earth
ability to transform jelly into jam, but only in your neighbors house
>>678732053
There is no universal frame of reference for position. Just use the Earth as your frame of reference.
the ability to freeze mustard
ability to make any body of water within sight increase in temperature by half a degree, but only twice every six weeks.
Is this a spiderman thread?
>>678729381
Still good enough to break world record and win bets.
>>678729396
Find yourself one dead genius, cut his head and you're set on his area of expertise.
>>678729407
You solve a mathematical conundrum and your name goes down to history.
>>678729451
You wear a hasmat suit and sell the shit for easy profits.
>>678729552
Really fucking good combat ability.
>>678729636
So you can dodge DBZ style? Not too shabby.
>>678729680
That's an amazing supwerpower.
>>678729727
Can still make it into the Guiness book.
Bored now. But you guys suck; all your powers are useful.
The ability to forget that god isn't real.
>>678732721
this
The power to die in a extremely painful way just be seeing or listening to "an hero". Also, any device with a camera will film you, stream it and post links on /b/
the ability to have any ability, at the cost of getting permanent type 2 diabeetus and permanent Lyme disease.
>>678732721
>>678732799
>edgy teens
ability to fart at will. You must be alone though
>>678733067
Not useless at all. My butt is now a natural gas company unto itself, with very little overhead.
>>678726754
The power to control the weather on Jupiter.
The power to achieve matching numbers at the end of a post
Wet sleeves
The ability to cum on command but only while shitting
>>678728522
airport security for bomb making sandniggers
>>678728641
incredible surge in unemployment, welfare...jobs created
>>678728653
get paid the difference in operation costs for radiography devices
>>678728688
save kid with life threatening bird shit allergy
get paid to protect luxury cars
>>678728737
>philosophy
also this guy >>678731095
>>678728760
maglev man
>have you ever went fast?
>>678728768
mods can focus on knocking out mlp and trap threads
>>678728951
yes it is
>>678728982
patent nares
>>678729016
save isis a pack
>>678729044
>ability
>can choose not to use it
>>678729048
Interrogation
>>678729106
you stop feeling like the piece of shit you are for posting this shit non stop and feeling sorry for yourself
The power to have the power to have a power
>>678733005
Use it for the ability of you immune system being as good as Wolverine's cure factor.
the ability to make a new meme once a week but nobody will ever know you made it
The power to to sing "I got the power" with a falsetto.
>>678733005
Transfer consciousness to a brand new body that you create using the ability to create matter at will. Enjoy your godlike abilities.
>>678726754
The power to almost get laid.
the ability to know every language, but only while you're unconscious
The ability to poo in the loo
>>678733666
triples checked. fock off satan
>>678733267
Very useful, you will always define what OP will do and get nudes in roll treads.
>inb4: implying OP will deliver
The power to exactly calculate body mass index of people with bmi between 7.5 and 7.7 %.
>>678733666
>enjoy your godlike abilities
>satan trips
>>678733692
Sure beats my current powers.
The power of exotic pronouns xir xee xa
The ability to have unlimited sacks of money.
you have to pass them like a kidney stone.
>>678730496
You may not believe me, but... I can do this
>>678734112
How much money is in each sack?
>>6>>678734112
what size of stone?
The power of having no powers, because you are God in the Flesh and you want people to destroy you, so you can absolve Mankind of Original Sin
>>678733067
I'm laughing because I literally have this power. Stick ass in air, relax anus, kind of suck in stomach, air goes into rectum, and then fire at will. ...But there's no way in hell I could relax my anus enough to do it with people looking. Nor would I want to even if I could. Looks pretty fucking retarded, lol.
>>678733692
I didn't know I already had a power
>>678726754
the hability to get fuck in the ass and like it
>>678726754
>walk halfway through a wall
>walk the other half
>>678734496
nice
>>678727248
>what is the Vomit Comet?
you have the power to disintegrate all the brain cells from dead human bodies
>>678734279
1000 dollars
>>678734295
This size. yes, that's a 2.5 pound kidney stone.
You can turn your fingernails into toenails at will.
>>678734575
>the hability
>>678726754
You will reincarnate as a newborn baby whenever you die, but you have no memory of any previous lives.
>>678726754
X-Ray vision when your eyes are shut
>>678731532
topkek, anon. laughed so hard i cried and shat meself. am ded
the power to live
>>678734878
easy enough. Well worth it for a poorfag like me
>>678735117
tumblr in unchanged file name
RIP anon
>>678735117
are those piss jars in the back??
>>678726754
Ability to see through womens clothes, only you need to be completely naked to use it
>>678735253
piss bottles and cum tissues
You can make your left and right butt cheeks trade places.
The power to see two minutes into the future but only when you're going to be asleep for the next two minutes.
>>678726754
Every 10th leap year, if a full moon falls on Feb 29th, if I'm falling from 10000 feet or higher, I can force grow an extra ass hair. But it causes my parachute to fail and the fall kills me
>>678735441
kek
>>678735462
hahaha
>>678735441
and a fleshlight
>>678729630
what is this from? im sure I've seen something where the guy had this power
fuck just remembered, it was that ben stiller movie wasnt it
>>678735772
mystery men, fucker!!!
The power to vote for Trump.
Once a day, you develop the power to excrete a toxic brown substance from your anus.
The ability to make a single skin cell teleport to Sweden once every 60 years
>>678735517
jus make sure you dont force grow that ass hair and ur good
>>678736024
horee shitu
>>678735772
Yeah, Tropic Thunder
>>678736024
>>678736024
Bye bye anon
>>678736024
4/9? nigger what kind of sites are you on??
>>678736024
with so cool pics, I just have to post some I cant fap to
>>678736024
the b& and v& any minute now
>>678736033
Top kek
>>678730745
I wish I had the power not to read anything you just said
oh wait
>>678727895
>growing
>shorter
Pick one
>>678736438
you probably missed the banned guys pic reading his bs. i'm sorry for your loss. RIP anons time
>>678726754
The ability to transform any beer into Coors Lite.
ability to only eat fast food
>>678726754
the power to be amazing at sucking dick but you're straight
>>678736688
would be useful at a frat party
>>678729970
>>678736591
>implying i read any of it
>>678726983
ability to vomit 100 teeth
>>678726754
the power to have the strongest civilization in the world but you let it ruined by sandniggers islamists invasion
the ability to grow an extra toe
>>678736013
i dont get it
you already have that power
>>678737147
i just learned to read and write. am in 1st grade. check mein dubs
The power of finish this sent...
>>678737257
The power to get dubs
Power that automaticly change u in the opposite race when in a group.
>>678737316
>opposite race
The power to panic trigger a feminist
a doorway that teleports you to the other side of the doorway
The ability to suck every dick in the world.
ability to taste air
>>678726754
The ability to fire laserbeams out of your ass when you drive a car.
>>678737222
chekd
>>678733241
Thats great though,fuck with nasa
The ability to run really fast, but only when underwater
>>678726754
Once per minute, you are given a superpower at random, and lose all previous superpowers. However, you don't know what super power you have, or that you have any superpower at all.
The power to believe
>>678728236
It's not entirely usless. If you keep antidiotes like other anons said you can only take small amounts and still identify them without massive harm.
>>678733711
Sleepwalking
The power of unlimited intellect and omnipotence but only while shitposting
The power to make your dick to talk like billy mays
>>678734878
Fuckin shit m8,although by the first one itll be pretty easy so i can just save up and get a new urethra
The power to know if your cousin is muslim
The ability to give George W Bush a backrub from any given distance. Does also work if George happens to be dead.
the power to hear your surroundings when you go deaf
>>678726754
The ability to summon a crate full of assorted Mountain Dews once a day(it goes away after 5 minutes), but it's only sometimes open.
The ability to be a faggot but you have to b e OP first.
>>678738065
With unlimited intellect and omnipotence, I can shitpost 24/7 and still have plenty of power left over to do whatever I want.
The power to change the colour of someones shoelaces
ability to hear your hair grow
The power to know how much every person employed in a shoe shop makes
>>678726754
The power to roll dubs
the power of liberal arts
The power to mind control guns so long as the barrel points at your head
>>678731889
Here ya go
The ability to become aquaman
>>678738520
the power to be a faggot but only when your on 4chan
>>678731865
>ztunwrnrhn t wutr hud wutlh
>>678738757
Could be pretty useful if anyone ever tries to kill you with a gun.
The power of failing to get quads
>>678738526
no you go back to an autistic retard once you click Post
The ability to regrow nasal hair at twice the speed you normally would.
>>678737567
so the power to be your mom?
the ability to fall in love only once in your life
>>678737410
i'm guessing he means white and brown and asians just stay asians
The ability to hold in a piss for as long as you want but the longer you hold it in the more swolen your balls become
>>678736546
"Growing" is a synonym for "becoming" in certain situations. You know this if you've been speaking english for a while.
The power of speaking like Morgan Freeman and saying cool shit but only when no one's around
>>678739038
sorry, i'm omnipotent so i don't need to click anything
my brain is directly connected to 4chan's servers, and i'm simultaneously shitposting in all active threads
meanwhile, i do whatever else i want since i'm omnipotent
>>678739236
You don't hold piss in your balls...
The power to inflict immense pain on yourself
>>678739271
become highly paid remote voice actor
The ability to post on 4chan
The power to watch porn in your head at any time but the audio blasts full volume through your mouth
>>678739614
hentai pics :^)
The ability to create really shit superheroes
The ability to try and fail to get dubs constantly
>>678739999
lol
>>678728237
Shot soda out of my nose. You win.
the power to see through clothes, only of people above the age of 60 though
>>678739999
>>678739999
Jesus tapdancing christ on a tricycle! I got quads!
>>678738804
>just
>ice
The ability to space words out too much
The ability to swear like Samuel Jackson, but only at your mother.
>>678729636
Thats a crazy good power dude. Imagine fighting with that power. Or breaking out of jail. Dodge bullets n shit. Fuck you fag think it through first
>>678729572
Yeah,i used to fuck OP's mom,too.
she'd come over sometimes while her boyfriend was away after school.
once the door would close she'd almost instantly get naked. most times she'd put on her favorite song and start sucking. then she would cry. her tears and makeup would drip down her face onto my dick. its surprising how cold tears are. eventually i finally asked her what was wrong. in between licks she told me that her favorite song was also her bfs favorite song. so even though she loved hearing it and it totally got her pussy wet, it also made her think about the fact that she was cheating on her boyfriend. i dont think i ever came harder down somebodies throat then right after she told me that. she was beautiful. we dont hang out anymore. wanna get lunch?
this was the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tgwFpMA61c [Open]
>>678739999
WITNESSED
>>678730482
Solid political commentary. Upvoted.
>>678728737
Lmao I didn't know I had a super.power
>>678728760
>the floor is lava
The power to get drunk off of non alcoholic beer
>>678729680
Or ability to regrow limbs but they're paralyzed
>>678739999
damn nigga
The power to shitpost on a japanime image board
>>678726754
The ability to draw realistic furries and lollis.
>>678730874
i can see how it's useless because they'll still debate it... well done anon.
>>678739334
How do we know that this isn't already happening and some one godlike guy is 99% of the posts on here, just talking to and replying to himself and we're actually mostly alone?
>>678742707
I'm still here. I haven't posted in a while but I'm still lurking this thread
>>678740131
Asians
Having a giant cock that goes away when aroused
>>678737533
you're an idiot if you think that's useless
The power to kill any 13.376 year old sheep at exactly 37 yards and 8 cm
You are able to disassemble and reassemble any guns in the world but you have to physically touch whatever gun you intend to do this with in order to use your abilities.
>>678729106
it looks like that's the power of love
The ability to notice that you can see your nose at all times
>>678743449
why is this thread full of idiots thinking their powers are useless?
>>678732636
corpses dont think very much tho. you read their minds currently, not the minds of them while they were alive
>>678726754
To take a 1kg shit at any time all the time with out loss of body mass.
