GREENTEXT YLYL
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>GREENTEXT YLYL
>>678214646
This Nigga
Contrybootin' with a classic
not greentext but note that is '06
Come on faggots, don't let this die
>>678213141
omg i died, that is the best story ive ever read
>>678216121
Fucking lost
Not quite green text, but still hilarious
I have a small collection to share.
sure I'll contribute
another
here's another from me
>>678219137
hows everyone doing tonight?
and another one
>>678219546
I myself have pinkeye, hope you fine folks are being the good ol fags that you are
>>678219380
kekd too hard
here's another /b/
>>678219735
any requests from anyone?
moar? here go.
>>678220001
damn off by one
Catfishman is my current fave
martha is a biiiiitch
>>678220197
One of the few really long ones I bothered to read. Also bump.
>>678220136
might as well try and get dubs while you fags read
>>678220442
nubs dont count. re-roll
>>678220623
well shit, there goes that
Last of what I have. Fun fact, I actually took this screenshot. I lived this thread. Oh man, what a time it was.
>>678219546
Im doing just fine, just trying to keep this thread alive.
>>678220802
looks like someone already posted neal
>>678213141
Dude! Not cool.. lost so freaking hard tho! XD
>>678220904
well the backups here
>>678220981
fuck you you fucking fuckface fuck
>>678215548
>doublemint dave
>>678220981
fuck you you piece of horrible shit
go drink drian-o then spit whats left of your throat into your own asshole and choke yourself on a gay homeless nigger's aids infested cock until you black out and die in your sleep, cold and alone, leaving your mother to cry over what a horrible piece of shit she's produced for an excuse of a son
>>678220981
I wish I could re-incarnate hitler, stalin, osama bin laden, hussein, and lucifer himself. I would want all 5 of them tied up, in a room, with you, ties up as well. Then I'd take a revolver into that room, and shoot you 6 times. Then I'd leave the room, buy 6 more bullets, and then come back and shoot you 6 more times.
>>678213141
>>678220270
>>678221030
˃▲
▲▲
I hereby crown myself Emperor.
>>678215548
>mark the mint man
>>678216462
IM DYING
>>678220981
You make me ashamed that I'm even the same species as you. If it were up to me, I'd do everything I can to ensure you have a happy successful life, even at the expense of my own. I'd miss out on the chance to finish school, to make sure that you passed college with all A's, find a pretty girl, marry her, get a lovely home in a quiet neighborhood, then begin to raise a darling family. And there'd be me, in the background, the whole time, making sure you get all these things, and I dont. Then I'd slowly take every one of them away from you. With fire, with bullets, with dull rusty knives. Doesnt matter. I'd want to build you up just to tear you down, and bring you into the hell I know you deserve for being such a horrible faggot, you cocksucking asshole piece of shit.
>>678214646
>still shitting myself under the bed
jesus christ
>>678220981
If I ever find out who you are, if I ever learn that it was you, that one night, on /b/, throwing your stupid shit around, I'll go to prison. I don't care. I've already lost her, I'm maintaining a monotony of success that's failed to amuse me anymore, and I'm willing to give it all up for that one chance to end your life in the most personal and painful way possible. I am a man with nothing to lose, and a hatred for the existence of your soul on the same planet as mine. You are just a man of flesh and bone, both of which I yearn to tear and break, so I can satiate this fury I have growing along the back of my spine, pointing me to the destiny that is destroying you and leaving nothing behind but bloody and broken knuckles that I will treasure until I too die, knowing that they made this world a better place.
In the end
>>678216121
>resonate frequency of the stall
this faggot was an artist
>>678220197
Actually lost to that
>>678220981
I am literally writing your post number down on a piece of paper now, just to put it on my corkboard, in the unlikely event that one day I will get to find out who this is, and follow up on these less-than-empty threats. Consider this my vendetta. Everyone's got a purpose in life. Mine is to hunt you, to take you, to torture you both physically and emotionally, and finally, in my finest hour, the crescendo of my very existence, to take you from this world, and plunge you into the never ending abyss that is the nonexistent afterlife. I want you to die. I am a man with nothing to distract me, nothing to hold me back. I get what I want, when I want it, and I want to see you look up at me, fingernails removed, hands nailed to the floor with an air-pressurized nail gun, tears streaming down your already-slapped face, throat raw from screaming into the cold harsh night that surrounds us for miles, and I want you to beg me to kill you. And at that time, I will tell you no. And I will start all over. Again.
>>678216523
reading in sunlight gives you cataracts?
>>678219380
my side's are stabbing from laughing so hard.
got some rather recent ones saved
>>678217412
this.....this was good
>>678220981
Against my better judgement, I'm gracing you with these warnings. I'd suggest you start training now. I know I already have been, and will continue to do so. I've been shedding the fat from my form, streamlining it, fine-tuning it, purifying it for the hunt that I know challenge myself with. And I do hope that you will make it a challenge for me. I want to chase you. I want you to struggle. I want to feel accomplished when I finally restrain you with those zip ties and look down on your angry form, panting, sweating, and I can start to smile and admit that you at least made this part worth my while. I want you to be in your top physical form. I want you to invest in bettering yourself, before I ruin that perfection you've worked so hard to build. I want you to go to your gym and squat 3 plates for 4 months, before I shoot you in both of your knee caps with rock salt. I want you to curl 200, before I filet the ligaments in your arms with a scalpel. I want you have rock hard solid abs that should be advertised on tv, which I can inject with scorpion venom and effectively liquidate your 6 pack of pride and joy. I want you to watch me do this too. And I want to watch the perfect tears roll down your perfect face, knowing that you are no longer perfect, because I wish it to be so.
>>678221200
Top fucking kek
>Be me about 2 years ago
>In chemistry when I get the urge to shit
>Frantically ask teacher for hall pass
>Grab it and run at mach 5 to the nearest porcelain throne
>Slam ass down and shit erupts from my ass
>Reachingnirvana.jpg
>Suddenly some dude runs into bathroom gagging and coughing
>Dude then proceeds to take the loudest shit I had ever have heard while simultaneously coughing and slamming his feet on the ground
>wtfisgoingon.wav
>The smell is fucking revolting and the dude is still coughing like a 40 year old smoker and stomping his damn feet like a toddler
>I try to finish while suppressing my gag reflex
>itstoomuch.exe
>Let out a disgusted gag VERY loudly and start to laugh like I never had laughed before
>I smash the fucking door open and run to the sink to wash my hands
>The cough shitter then flushes like 5 times and I hear water trickle onto the floor
>He then runs quickly out of the stall shouting IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY
>MFW I see shit and a bloody tissue flow out from under the fucking stall
Never used that fucking bathroom at school again. Never really found out who did it either.
>>678220531
oh wow, thats nice
>>678219041
>busboyfags
>tardpocolypse
hory sheet
>>678220981
I want you to wonder why. Both now and when it;s happening. Why is he doing this to me? What did I do to warrant such hatred? Why cant i make him stop? Why me? Why?
You wont get any answers, mate. Just more pain. Every time you ask a question, another spray of bleach down your throat leaving you coughing and sputtering, crying from the frustration. I want you to start screaming more questions at me in a frenzy. As the dog continues to mount you, tied down to the metal chair I have bolted to the floor, the cum from the other two german shepherds already streaming from your torn and bruised asshole, you'll call out to me again. And I'll just sit there, watching, taking no pleasure in seeing you in such distress or in seeing the animals so satisfied, but just understanding, that regardless of what you want me to say, or what you're screaming out, this is what must be done. You must suffer. You MUST be in constant agony. You HAVE to be broken before you can be destroyed.
You'll scream out as the dog finishes, and I sigh because it's getting late. I'll get up from the desk I've been watching from and give the hungry dog it's food. You'll scream out "I have a daughter!" as I silently go back to my car, and bring a bag back to you. And I'll lean down to your dirty shaking pathetic body and whisper in the ear I cut up on Day 4 and whisper, "you DID." Then I want to open the bag up, so you can see her tiny little hands, wrapped in plastic, with the middle finger pointed up at your crying face, you faggot. Then we can move onto the next thing I have planned.
im more confused than ever
>>678220975
nice crop faggot
>>678220981
So long six-seven-eight-two-two-zero-nine-eight-one. I look forward to our next rendezvous. I've got a lot of planning to do, and I'm sure you do too. This is going to be fun.
I'll see you soon
>>678227000
not mine, I just saved it, but nice trips faggot
>>678220442
worth the read holy fuck poor anon i cried and now my sides are gone
>>678227144
lost holy shit
>>678224118
Dildo prank gone sexual
>>678216121
>after a considerable amount of paperwork
lel
>>678220052
Im crying
OP here. Thanks for the awesome thread guys. These are not common. Greentexts are only thing that make me laugh nowadays...
>>678230828
you and me both /b/uddy.
Here's a good one just for you
>>678220000
>>678218027
Love this one
>>678231203
and I don't
(:
>>678219076
Holy shit, that was great.
>>678231573
just typing random crap into my greentexts folder and posting it
let me know if you guys want anything in particular
>>678231955
not funny but damn, worth the read I'd say
My fave. Short and sweet.
>>678215548
>doublemint dave
>>678232566
ze dubs
>>678216462
GOLD
>>678232666
ze trips
>>678215712
holy shit, i lost so unbelievably hard.
>>678232666
>>678232777
well damn whatre those odds
>>678232566
laffed at the dog part
this thread made me seriously lose
>>678233256
>>678213141
Go away, r/4chan
>>678226408
...
>Be me about 2 years ago
>Physics class, last year of high school, just want to fucking leave and shit
>Full blow senior-itis
>Fuck around in class because I was retaking to fix a grade, knew the material already
>I thought so, anyway
>Lactose intolerant, but can't find anything to drink one day, so I end up drinking milk
>I was thirsty, okay? I had to drink something.
>Figured I'd deal with the shitstorm later.
>That day we have a lab
>Physics teacher brings in a chemistry professor from a local college to help with an experiment
>We're going to build little cars and he's going to power them with chemicals
>This actually seems really fucking cool so I pay attention
>Try to ignore groaning stomach
>Get down to building car
>Dem wires
>Dat motor
>What the fuck am I doing
>Cross some wires that seem right
>He comes over near the end of class to test my car
>pours chemicals in while I watch anxiously from a distance
>Spaghetti is all over the floor because I know it's gonna fuck up
>It fucks up
>The car starts going, but it's sputtering and keeps getting random bursts
>Flips over near my feet
>I panic because it starts sizzling and I knock the chemicals out of my hand
>Lands on the ground and makes a cloud of smoke start to form
>Suddenly I have to shit
>WHAT THE FUCK MAN
>Start choking on chemical smoke
>Run out of room to nearest bathroom
>Sit down and let out the monster of all shits
>All the while stamping on my feet trying to get them to stop sizzling, and choking on chemical smoke
>Hear some guy laughing in the stall next to me
>My spaghetti goes everywhere
>Try to wipe my raw anus as fast as I can
>Run out of the room screaming "I'M SORRY" over my shoulder
>Slip on my now partially melted shoes
>Keep shitting just a little more
>Get grabbed by physics professor and brought to the nurse's office for a change of clothes after he gives me a chemical shower
I hated high school
>>678217562
lmfao
>>678233456
well thank you sir, we're here to please, just remember your tips are whats keeping the lights on, get home safe everybody!
>>678232421
Damn bro, worth the read
>>678233512
thats all fake and none of that is true and youre a liar and no that didnt happen and this is /b/ and we are unaniumaous and we'll never forget and expecto patronum and tits or gtfo
>>678233738
told ya so
:3
does anyone have the greentext where a /fit/ eats out his own sperm from a pussy for protein then starts lifting his gf for gains?
>is this good eniugh?
>>678234196
personal favorite of mine is about a guy named dimitri, having a hard time finding it...
>>678234671
no its not because its 86x125 dumbass
but it has something to do with "the game" so don't bother fixing your fuckup, you fuckup
found dimitri btw
>>678231955
this one makes me feel peaceful
before I die, I want this read to me
>>678234993
ah I still lose when I read dimitri
>>678235322
ey dubs again
>>678213141
FUCKING KEK
>>678221378
>>678221721
>>678222088
>>678222792
>>678223483
>>678225340
>>678226634
>>678227144
samefagging this hard.... holy shit the autism of copypasta's
>>678235182
forgot that I saved that one because it was sweet, not funny. oh well
>>678220052
You've got a friend in me
>>678215712
>2016
obviously fake
/b/ is cancer no way that happened
>>678216462
noting personnel kidde ;;)))))))))
>>678236701
youre autistic arent you mister?
>>678217562
FCK I LOST
>>678226408
Holy fucking kek.
>>678237356
shitty joke if you have to point it out buddy.
>>678237574
anyone else feel free to contribute, I'm gonna go to bed soon
No greentext post is complete without IT Stories
>>678238247
good point, totally forgot that one, thanks man
OC
>Be me, 4 years old
>Watching old Looney Toons
>That coyote fucker had a parachute
>I noticed that grocery bags looked like parachutes when they fall
>Lightbulb.gif
>Grab a pair of bags
>Go to top of tallest staircase
>Hold them up
>Jump
>mfw they did not cause a soft, gentle fall as I plummeted to the floor and fractured my leg
>Grandma was confused as fuck trying to figure out what happened
>>678239618
this thread just did not die.and im proud of that
>>678239240
jesus Christ
>literal tears
>>678233512
I hope this is real. But doubt it.
