I'm sick of fucking up every God damned day of my life.
And I say God damned because it really feels like I'm just beyond hope. Like my existence really is fucked.
It's all I do is exist. There's no thriving, no joy, no peace.
I don't have enough faith in anything because every time I did in the last with my life's direction, I was proven wrong, & I'm sick of being hurt.
Everything I put my hand to turns to shit. I have no worth or value to anyone anymore. They always find a way to think they can do better than me as a friend, as a lover, as a worker. Everything.
And they seem to be right.
Time to go on a shooting spree I think.
Kill yourself
>>677643456
Kys pussy
>>677643456
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koJlIGDImiU
Kill your "self" and walk away
>>677643456
kill yourself faggot
>>677643456
There are still the pain and the hatred.And that means you're still alive.
>>677643839
Then turn 360 degrees.
>>677643456
1) Life is what you make it to be
2)Inertia is an amazing concept that can be applied to many aspects of life, both physical and mental (and, if you believe, spiritual).
Take small steps, anon.
It only gets better if you make it get better.
Otherwise, it's downhill.
>>677643878
Cool
At least you're not a nigger.
>>677643456
fuck your mother.
then....................kys
>>677644518
rock solid defense, OP.
>>677643456
yuck anon. i'm not going to say kill yourself but stfu with this mopey horseshit
>>677643456
You based outta new york?
>>677643456
Either kill yourself or keep bellyaching, something tells me you'll go with the latter.
>>677644396
Man, I know what you're saying, but the small steps are killing me. I been living like you say for the past several years, & everything just keeps closing in.
I try to take small steps, but they ain't big enough, I'm getting too old to be living so small. So I try to take bigger steps & I fuck myself in the ass. I always make the wrong choice of which steps to take.
I'm always too timid when I shouldn't be & too assertive & confident when I then get proven a fucking fool. I'm trying so hard to just suck it up & live like I'm fine, but I'm not. And I don't have Anyone to try to talk to, I just let them all think I'm gret.
>>677643456
So who was she?
>>677645024
Nein
>>677644680
Yeah, I wrote it out like a bitch, but what I'm saying is still real regardless how emo the post comes off. I can't do much better right now.
>>677645421
Who was who?
>>677644561
The best thing you can do is call a psychologists office and get evaluated. No joke. Psychologists aren't just for crazy people. They evaluate problems that most people have and give you professional helpful answers and give you therapy for those problems.
Who knows you might also end up having some underlying condition you didn't know you had. They're just a phonecall and a drive away.
The human brain is a very marvelous powerful thing. To give yourself hope you should start reading more about brain plasticity. It shows just how much the brain can change and grow even in adults. You start believing you can literally change and shape your mind to have the skills and etc you need to succeed and you'll feel a lot better.
Turning to god is also a really good idea. I started getting into religion and its honestly the best choice I ever made. You get incredible insight from the wisdom of the bible and feeling a connection to a god that loves you really helps melt your hardened heart and love others and yourself again.
It's okay OP
Everyone has a rut in their life where nothing seems to go right.
The problem right now is that you keep thinking that you are not good at anything because someone keeps out shining you. You aren't using it is the problem. Whenever I showed something to my dad he would just chuckle and just outshine me in it. I draw a flower he draws a perfect rose, I build a bird house he builds a shed, I date a girl, he already had 7 girls by my age.
What you need to do is not take it as a time to give up, take it as a challenge.
Don't give up what you are doing and keep improving, never stop. The second someone decides to slow down, you will pass them and then you will feel that sweet glow of success.
Never stop improving anon
>>677646302
Thanks man. I used to be in religion. I'm not a bitter edgemeister, but I really feel like God doesn't want me to have anything I want. God's a real stranger these days.
>>677645289
Read a fucking book. Read a book every week. That's how you beat the retard out of yourself.
>>677643456
you can join the exciting career of 4chan trolling, there is no pay but the laughs, it should do your heart good to make a few basement dwellers laugh
>>677646558
I want to. So many things tell me that I can do it. I can convince myself that I can do anything I put my mind to, & believe it up until the results come in. Objectively, I know I'm capable, but no matter the effort I put in, I get nothing back. Every attempt at improving my situation is like throwing all my time & energy & hopes into a void that erases them. It's like I'm burning all my fuel that I work so hard to earn the money for, but the only car I have a choice to drive burns a full tank to back half the driveway.
I'm just really frustrated… & I would feel differently if anything had gone well in the last few years, but it's always just telling myself that it's about to.
>>677647024
If only you knew. That's about all I got going for me right now, I'm a damn decent troll here & elsewhere.
>>677643456
Welcome to 4chan.
We all feel the feel's here anon.
>>677643456
Same thing here, just waiting for that one moment that pushes me off the edge before I initiate my PLAN Z.
If that fails, then I'll either die by suicide or by killing as many muslims as I can.
For the sake of the white race.
>>677646847
How so? I done been book lernd
>>677647881
I know man. I hate it here. But I'm allowed to hate it here. Out there I have to just pretend it's not a pile of shit.
>>677647614
Do you want to just lie in the waters of a murky pond composed of your depression and rage.
Or do you want to claw your way out and fight for your happiness.
Sure you can give up, and just say fuck it, it's too hard.
But what's the problem with trying?
If it's gotten so bad that suicide is the answer, which it never isn't, why don't you just give it a shot.
Fuck it if you don't like your life why not just keep going, since no matter what you might be sad. But with this path you have a chance. No matter what path you take you will have the bad days, but only one also has the good days
>>677647907
I've calmed down from too many "final moments"
I've had to spend my entire life just hoping that one little thing was gonna come along that I could hold on to. One little thing that was solid, so all my efforts would finally have something to build on instead of falling into the sea.
It never comes & I never ascend. I didn't want to be this way.
>>677647024
Never got the point of being a troll.
I used to be into it behalf in middle school but I quit it like a bad habit.
Sure my life is shit, but why take it out on someone else. I know how bad depression feels, why would I want to make someone else feel the same pain?
OP are you in northern new york
>>677646827
ew, OP.
your teen melodrama brings the bile to the back of my throat
honestly OP how old are you. not trolling
>>677649033
i'm 12 and what is this?
>>677649178
kek'd and probably true.
>>677648203
Everyone else suggested suicide, I haven't brought it up at all, the post you replied to was all about how I never do give up, but I'm so tired of every road I go down winding up dead ends.
I am more or less becoming a defeated man. I'm figuratively & literally too tired to fight like this constantly just to make it through the day, let alone achieve anything while making it through. I can't get enough sleep, & my brain just feels empty most of the time, & the rest of the time, red, tight, & overwhelmed with all this buuull-shit.
>>677644440
Off by one
>>677648535
I'm OP. I don't troll to make people feel depression or anything. Just fucking with them for chuckles. I usually make it so they could see it's a troll if they paid attention. But if they dont, i jist take us for a ride.
>>677649033
I'm 22, & yes, I know how stupid & shitty this is written. I just can't think much clearer to put it into non emo terms right now.
>>677649298
So what about being defeated.
I have been rejected so much in my life, it's embarrassing.
It took me multiple years to actually date someone and it only was for a couple months. I am always outshined in my art from my friends and family. I can't even get fit because of my metabolism and people always showing off those gains.
But learn to be happy being you.
You are the best at being you as cliché as it sounds.. Your friend like you for how you are and act, so why give up and just throw in the towel. If you talk to them and just don't stop trying in whatever you do, you will already feel good knowing you gave it your all.
>>677648836
Spit or swallow?
>>677643456
>ITT faggots appeasing OP's extreme attention whoring
Me2 op, me too...
i consider beliving "the secret" shit or god. Dont know whats better
>>677649911
Thanks for the nice words, but I don't really have any friends anymore.
I've talked with sparingly few about some problems or struggles, but nobody wants to hear that shit. They don't care, & I don't want to put it on them. I can't blame them for not wanting me around anymore, because I'm not who I used to be (when I was "the best at being me" as you say) these days I'm a hollow shell of overcompensating. I try way too hard to smile, & laugh, & look happy, & seem like I'm doing fine, because I can't show that I'm not. And they can feel how fake it is.
I wouldn't choose to be around me either if I could help it. I lost all the things that made me someone worth being. I try to get them back, but it's a very losing battle so far.
>>677650382
no u
>>677650786
I believe in God. I don't think God believes in me though.
>>677650919
That's the reason then are giving up on you, because you are giving up on you. Show them the old you is still there. I know he is
>>677643456
Welcome to the real world
>>677651080
No, it's the other way around.
God believes in you, but do you believe in yourself?
your life is shit because you made it that way. You have the power to make your life whatever you want, especially if you were born in the US, you've got such an advantage over most of the world. If its a shit life you have no one to blame but yourself. I know some people who live very frugal lives with very few possessions and they're happy as fuck people because they have chosen to be. Happiness is a conscious choice. So is depression and negative self thought.
i keep getting cleaned at duel arena on runescape, i hate my life
>>677651204
Yeah, yeah, you're all haggard & knowledgeable, & the world doesn't give a shit, I get it. I'm just dealing with one life here that I'm trying not to let become worthless. I want to contribute to society & I want to have a positive impact on those around me, & I reach nothing but frustration at every failure to do so. I let myself down & everyone else down, but I'm trying to keep going anyway, I'm trying to find a way, OK?
>>677643456
Maybe it's time to find a new city, and take a deep look at yourself. Introspection bruh. You sound very negative.
>>677651153
I feel like he is, but I can't even get to him when I'm by myself. Let alone with other people. It's just getting worse as the time goes by, My mind is always clogged with bullshit & I'm never in the moment.
>>677651793
I am positive as can be when around others.
>>677651560
Can't help you, I don't play videogames.
>>677643456
If no one gives a fuck about you anymore, that means your personality might be shit, or even broken. Coming here to whine about it makes me think borderline. You can disprove that diagnosis by literally killing yourself, because a borderline would never actually do it.
>>677652272
Thank you doctor, my personality is broken, & I'm really frustrated trying to fix it & restore it again.
>>677643456
Hey OP
I feel you. My life has been shit the past 4 years. Nerveous breakdown, deep depression, lost wife, kids, house, car, all savings, and all I got was debth. For the first year i ate every second day to have enough to my kids food when they came to visit every second weekend. I was so deprived of everything I wasn't able to complete my last two years og college.
The past two years i have been working hard, living like shit to get to a base state. I had job in a huge company which I blew. Im still employed (elsewhete) but i'm not getting anywhere fast. I keep hitting wall again and again.
I also get these dark thoughts and the feeling of quitting everything. My social life is nil, but I still fight. In two years i'll finally have a debth that I can pay off while having a ok life.
That it's now possible to see a light at the end of the tunnel is what motivates me. I made one promise to myself which i've kept (break most), but I decided I never want to give up.
The only choice in life we have OP is how we perceive it.
Find your tunnel of light, and never give up.
>>677643559
He'd just screw that up and forget to bring the ammo.
>>677653841
>>677644518
>>677646388
>>677649948
>>677650989
>>677651080
>>677651977
>>677651080
>>677649298
OP, you hate yourself because you're hate-able.
everyone else is done with you because you're a droning whiny cunt.
honestly. you're such a blithering insincere BORE that your own psyche is trying to reject you.
you don't have any real problems, just faggoty emo platitudes that are completely uncompelling.
tl;dr kys
