What's your worst sexual experience /b/ros?
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What's your worst sexual experience /b/ros?
>>676685155
Your mother
>>676685233
dubs speak the truth
>>676685233
/thread
>fucking girl I met at a party in my truck
>she's really awkward, not very attractive, but nice tits
>few minutes later I give up because for once my dick is telling me to abort
>blood is covering my seats
I was pretty pissed off
>>676685423
>not being pissed on
what are you gay
>Couldn't find hole
>She would not assist me
>Gave up after half an hour
>be me, 20
>been a while since last fuck
>flirt with an old flame at a party
>things heat up
>be later
>start making out
>want to taste some sweet pussy
>mfw musty af
>almost vomit
>at least I came
>>676686752
never eat sweaty party pussy anon
>have my neighbor over all the time when my parents are at work
>she's a 5 but nice ass
>usually just sucks me off but one day she insists we bang
>fuckno.jpg
>but she starts rubbing my cock over my pants
>then she turns around and rubs her yoga pants ass on it
>fucking turned on and off at the same time
>she pulls down my pants and my body is like ready to go but my mind is like NO
>we sex
i cringe about this at least once a day
Not getting any for a fuckton of months as of late...never recall any bad pussy,after years of it,never happens imho....
>>676687185
Don't understand, you let her suck you off daily? You'd have to be a homo not to atleast fuck her.
> Be 20
> Meet 7/10 chick on tinder
> Meet for dinner
> Looks almost nothing like her picture
> Chubby/Annoying
> "let's go back to my apartment"
> "can I suck your cock?"
> *sucks cock*
> "fuck me, I'm so turned on"
> we had "sex" for like 30 seconds until I fake came and left
> 0/10 do not recommend fucking fatties
>meet chick off tinder
>pretty nice face
>no body pics
>should have guessed
>turns out to be a hamsatelite (not as big as a hamplanet but I'm not proud nonetheless)
>she's pretty into me
>get in the back seat of my car
>she starts showing off her singing skills to me
>awful but I pretended to like it
>has me read her erotic fiction she wrote on her phone
>again, awful but I pretended to like it
>decide to go for the kill, I was on a dry spell
>start fingering her
>couple of minutes pass, move to unzip my pants
>catch a whiff of my fingers
>holy fuck the smell
>the ungodly smell
>can't get it up, and in hindsight, probably for the best
>drive her home
That fucking vinegary, sweaty, salty pussy smell didn't come off my fingers for several days
>>676687479
hey guy, i have certain standards. this broke them and it fucking bothers me
>>676685233
/thread
>>676688138
>>676685357
same fag
> married
> Everytime is the worst time of my life
>>676688580
Your wife is just gross anon.
>>676687185
This literally happened to me in the same exact way
>>676688727
Respectfully.
>Be 15
>Girl i've known since we were like 4 is having a party
>Had been taking these pills post-operation
>They cause me to be constipated
>Fuck it
>Go to this party
>Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm
>Sorta bush it off as sloppiness
>Party winding down
>Nowhere to sleep
>"Oh, just come with me"
>Ugh, fine
>Fuck the tits right off her
>Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways. no worries
>Start to worry
>Fall asleep back to back, completely naked
>Wake up to RANCID smell
>Oh god no
>Take out cell phone
>Look over, i had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens
>Whatthefuckdoido.webm
>Take shit in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks
>Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so i left" dont know why
>Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home
>Dont hear from her
>2 weeks later she killed herself
Can't say I've had too many terrible experiences:
>fucking gf
>decide to switch to doggie
>that smell
>the smelly smell that smells shitty
>no actual shit, but find out later that it can happen
>lose boner
>can't unsmell
>take 2 in an hour
Another time:
>again with the sexy-times
>she's getting really into it
>definitely close to orgasm
>all of a sudden feel liquid
>fuck yeah she's cumming
>fuck no she's pissing
>piss literally everywhere
>ohgodwhy
>solidified that I do not have a pissing fetish
My hand
>>676688929
10/10
I'm crying
>>676688929
Was hoping this was real till the last night. Good story anon, copy pasta worthy.
When I was 7, my 15yo baby sitter forced me to lick her pussy. Wasnt that bad now that i look back, but it but at the time i didnt know wtf was going on and kinda freaked out
>>676688929
top fucking kek
>>676688976
>fuck yea she's coming
>fuck no its just piss
What the fuck do you think happens when a girl Cums
When i was 20 i fucked a skinny girl that instead of your average moaning, she did this weird pig sound every time i put my dick in. Fucking turned off when she bites my neck like so fucking strong i started to bleed. Man that made me being afraid of bang anyone like for 2 months
>>676689414
They can cum without pissing
>>676689618
Mhmm but they can't piss without cumming, it's a vicious cycle.
>>676689773
>>676689414
Inb4 it sounds like bullshit
>Friend's wife's best friend down for a week
> 6/10 with 10/10 tits
>like you don't understand
>perfect size perfect shape just amazing even the nipples were perfect
>friend and wife go into adjacent room and start fucking
>chick is really into me so decide to give it a go
>start stripping her down
> "Anon do you have a condom?"
>fuckshittits.jpg
> "No, do you?"
>some reason buddy heard and tossed a pack out to us
>"ew we can't use those I'm allergic to latex"
>talk about it won't let me raw dog so I say fuck it and wrap it up and hit it
>has latex allergy that makes her pussy painfully sensitive.
>after 5 minutes of okay sex she starts bitching then goes into a "pull it out and give me a sec" thing every thirty seconds.
>then she gets really skiddish like get that thing away from me
>after about 30 minutes of pulling out constantly to give her a break I say fuck it
>awkwardly stroke my dick for what felt like forever, I wasn't even close
>cum on those awesome tits so not complete loss
>>676690238
sounds like bullshit
Talking to this girl at a party. She's beautiful, looks like a petite Zooey Deschanel with an amazing ass, beautiful green eyes, dark red hair. For some reason she's really into me and we head to her room downstairs. I'm too drunk to get a boner and she's sad because she thinks she's not attractive or I'm gay. Try to convince her it was the alcohol /drugs but she's never the same with me after that.
>>676690238
Sounds like bullshit, Anon.
>>676690293
Kiss my ass
>>676690390
Isn't zoey deschanel already petite?
>Be 17
>Girl I've wanted to bang since I was about 13 is at the same party I'm at
>Lets call her Sam
>Night went as usual, didn't talk to her because was beta
>Big group of friends sitting around talking
>She was bestfriends with one of the girls with us and came and sat down
>Lets call her Amy
>Amy was sitting next to me and of course Sam sat right in between us
>Sitting there with the nerves of a 12yo girl
>Sam was very drunk and started talking to me
>"I've liked you anon for so long, I wish we were close"
>"Really? I've always been to scared to talk to you for the same reason"
>Lets go back to my place
>As I stood up, everyone else did
>Quite strange I must add
>"whats going on!?!?" I asked
>All of a sudden
>The whole group walked the dinosaur.
>...Cont??
>>676690564
Go on
>>676685423
try using your dick instead of a knife. Missing the hole like the virgin you are doesn't make people bleed, needle dick.
>>676690564
+1 for originality.
>>676690564
Let's call you Faggot.
>>676690984
Don;t b scurrd homey
>>676687589
>*sucks cock*
>>676688929
This is stale pasta
Stuck my dick in a girl that's as loose as a hallway. She faked moaned for me though. Shit lasted for about 10 minutes before I realized I nor she was gonna get off to this.
This happened in Berlin.
>>676686615
If you can't find it first just finger it and then put your dick inside you mongoloid
my own birth
>>676685155
not me friend
>be 22
>meets girl on dating app 6/10
>bitch has issues from childhood
>probably molested
>first date doesn't want to have sex
>friend offers to go down on her
>she says im on my period
>friend does it anyways
>fucking vampire
>a few days later he complains of a sore throat
>later it gets bad there are some white bumps on the back of his throat
>goes to doctors
>tell him its now strep throat and they don't know what it its
MFW i ask him if this was worth and he said yes
First Girlfriend. Was way below what i could get but wasn't aware at the time. Was eager to start having sex. 2 months in, she repulsed me and every time was terrible. Overall 3/10 would never do again
>>676685155
My life
>>676685155
Never had a bad one. Kek
>>676691668
>>676691835
samefag
>>676685155
>fucking my hand
>lube dries up
>friction burn
>dick catches fire
>fire spreads to curtains
>mom calls fire dept
>live in the boonies
>fire dept too late house burnt to the foundation
>no christmas that year
bmpp
>>676685155
>homecoming
>girl ASKED me out
>she was 6/10 but was a rumored slut
>we get to the dance
>awkwardly hop around each other to the beat of the music
>suddenly, a wild slow dance song appears
>we rub our crotches together while I hold her and we dance slowly in circles
>she whispers in my ear that she is horny
>dick is diamonds
>we ditched the dance and walked towards the baseball dugouts
>completely alone
>we make out
>my dick cannot get hard
>just finger her instead
>she cums and I get the great idea to taste it
>lick her clit and eat her pussy/cum
>she didn't even ask or want to want to touch my me or my dick
>after I am done eating her out she calls her sister to pick her up and ditches me at the dance
>walk home and masturbate to the smell of the remnants of her pussy and cum that was left on my face.
>she ignores me afterwards and blocks me on facebook
>>Be me with ex in car she was gf at the time. About 2 am
>>her dad leaves for work around 3:15 is
>> WERE drinking booze and I'm asking to fuck
>> she says she wants to drink more first and talk still
>> was hard as Dimonds ready to go for a hour
>> erections could not be held that long. With no fuel
>> it's about 3am now
>> the second I go soft she says let's fuck
>> Say OK we hop in back seat
>> she says wtf ur not ready?
>> tell her bitch i been ready for a hour and the second I lose my boner u say sex now
>> tell her I'll be back online in like 20 secs because now the booze holding me back a little
>> finally I get hard put it in once. And she says stop nvm my dad should be leaving the house anymore the
>>were on driveway beside his car so fk
>> mfw I litterly got stopped after 1 second of sex because stupid women logic
I got other stories like getting coughtt in the kitchen having sex by her little sister. Or in a forest at a ski resort. Or fling her in her exs bed and breaking it. And to top it off jibing on his purple pillow case which white really stained
Top nozzle
When I was 17 my sister caught me having sex with her 13yo best friend. sis freaked out and wouldnt talk to me or her friend for over a week.
>be me
>chilling with buddy and these two sloots from school late night.
>take them to local park.
>split up.
>take girl to bench, start making out.
>she whips out my dick.
>sucks me up for a while.
>decide to fuck her on the grass.
>throw her down. Dive in the pussy.
>feels fucking great.
>whatsthatsmell.exe
>dark as fuck, can't see shit, until we do when I use my phone light.
>she laid in shit.
>instant mood killer
Funny as fuck although she didn't think so hahaha
moarrrr
>>676693479
Did she come onto you or you onto her?
>>676693431
>When you still can't greentext
>2016
>>676690984
this
>>676688929
this pasta tastes better when you forget about it, whats funnier is the new people. you can detect them by the way they type. The way they react. Fucking shills....
>eating out wife
>she gets close to cumming
>makes a startled noise
>beard and face suddenly coated in wet warm liquid
>turns out she had pee'd on my face
>clean up and finish sexy time
>suggest next time she probably pees before sex
>repulsed by her for a week sexually
To be fair she was 16 weeks pregnant at the time so she probably thought she'd be fine.
Still not a fan of having my face and beard pee'd on.
>>676685155
>halloween 2005, I'm 22 at the time
>go to a friend's party, meet a woman named alexis
>her family is from Iraq, she's hot as fuck
>party gets boring, her and I take my car and head to nearby bar, have a few drinks
>we leave at last call, go for a drive, find a secluded spot
>she reclines the passenger seat, I get on top of her
>I had a sunfire, not much room and kind of flimsy
>I shift my weight, putting one hand on the back seat (still on top of her) and one hand on part of her head rest
There's this plastic part attached to the headrest that you loop the seat belt through to keep it in place. If you're in the passenger seat, its to the right of your head.
>mistakenly put my hand on that thing to lift myself up
>it snaps, I fall face first onto her
>head-butt her in the face, blood everywhere immediately, broken nose
>take her to the minor emergency place not far off
>take her home afterward, promise to call her the next day
>next day, I call, her fucking dad answers the phone and says, "Are you the nice boy from Iraq that Alexis met last night?"
I'm half Scottish and half Cree; I absolutely look like I'm from Iraq or something though. I've always had this annoying thing where people just assume I'm from there.
>uh, yeah, sure I am
>chat with her for a few minutes
>she thinks I'm from Iraq and as a result, I got laid
>break things off immediately
>doesn't matter, had sex
>kinda neat
Fast forward to January 2016
>she got fat
>>676688929
I actually did laugh out loud. This is funny as hell. ...I'm going to Hell, ain't I?
>>676694326
I've been on and off 4chan for 3 years and havn't seen this pasta.
>>676685155
i had sex with a fat chick once it was disgusting and i will never do such things again
>>676694684
It's from 2007 you fucking grade school newfag
Lurk Moar
>>676694033
she did, i tried to blow her off for weeks before because my better intuition told me it wasnt a smart thing to get involved with. but i gave in and exactly what i didnt want to happen happened.
>>676694802
Don't be upset newfag. I have not seen it before.
Took ambien and ugly girl from high school tried to Fuck me. Never got up, embarrassed still. Woke up with blood on my hand to her friend picking her up for work. He wanted her. He gave me a ride home, awkward balls
>>676694876
Tbh
When I was 16. My cousin was 25 and she babysat a 12/13 year old girl. Her name was Jenny and she wore glasses. She took my cell phone number out of my cousins phone number and texted me one night asking if I would "go out with her" we would hold hands whenever I would go over to my cousins house. Then it progressed to kissing/rubbing/handjobs/blowjobs. I took her virginity and it was the best sex I've ever had.
>>676690564
GO ON!
>>676685155
The lack thereof.
>>676695189
nice, txting was how most of it was setup between us also. sadly she wasnt a virgin, but had only had sex a few times with 1 guy her age
>be 17
>be virgin
>start dating this 7/10 qt
>let's call her Mary
>we're into all the same stuff, we connect, all that jazz
>get married young as hell
>get smashed off of wine our wedding night
>itshappening.jpg
>disrobe
>she's got a 10/10 body, immaculate
>insert and pump away
>she feels NOTHING
>NO reaction, NO hymen breakage, nothing
>feelsbadman.jpeg
>at least I got the nut
>call her a whore, say she's too loose
>sleep in separate bedrooms from then on
fast forward two months
>anon, I'm preggers
>fuckmefuckmefuckme
>she's still pissed about the whore comment
>she tells everyone she was still a virgin
>wat
>says an angel did it or some shit
>she still has the hymen intact to prove it
>her family and some local broads check her downstairs
>IT'S A MIRACLE MARY
>yfw your dick is too small to pop a cherry
>yfw she gives birth to "Christ our Lord and Savior"
>>676685155
Having two bitches farting on your nuts
>Be me 19 in bed with 16 year old still virgin we dont do shit fall asleep quick slightly drunk
>start having what i thought was wet dream
>get the feeling im close so i wake up shes on top of me slowly using my dick as a toy
>about to cum panic pull out cover her back
>she cleans up comes back and we fuck for a few more hours
>Be me, 18
> With fwb parked outside school with two other friends in car
>We decide to do the do
>Tell them we're going to find water/pee
>Open door
>Struck by the blizzard that is winter weather
>Carryonmywaywardson.jpg
>Make it behind a wall, both shivering
>Both drop pants, start handy work
>She will not get wet, I cannot get hard
>Whenwintercomeshowlingin.png
>We decide its a no-go
>Realise we just tried to have sex in a primary school
>Decide its for the better
>Get back in car
She gave me head once we got back in the car, pretty sure our friends heard though
>>676685155
When I was 25, a girl who was a friend of a friend started popping up at places I was going and making small talk with me. She was a petite hottie, 5'6". She was into some of the same things I was, we started hanging out. One day, we ended up impulse banging in a change room. It escalated into semi-regular sex at my appartment. She kept her personal life more or less secret, which was cool... more or less a fuck buddy. I was worried about STDs, so I asked around and I found out that she was the 13 year old sister of a friend of a friend. The terror and the chaos of ending it was horrible.
>>676695574
what a stupid story. is this true?
>>676688929
>>676691313
This. Fucking old as fuck.
>>676690710
Autist
>>676695531
Yeah. I was her first everything. I had to break it off once I turned 18 and she was only 13/14 for fear of being arrested of statutory rape.
I got to deflower her tight asshole a month before my 18th birthday tho. Shit was amazing.
Fast forward to 2016
She has two kids and is engaged
Meanwhile, I am a broke community college student shit posting on 4chan at 1 AM
Porque anonimus no actuo como dijo contra esta pagina a las 12 pm..??
>>676696251
Fuck off José
Fucking GF back in my young days, no time to take off panties so just push to the side. Next day cock red raw on the side that rubbed on the panties. Continued to scab up and be generally painful for a week. Now I always make sure panties are off first.
>>676694107
Meh your opinion matters to me...
>Be 15
>Go down on my gf
>Fingerfucking and mouth shit
>On her period, I didn't know
>Don't give a fuck
>Continue cause I'm not a pussy, now I have blood fetish
>25 now
>MFW I go down on chicks with their blood ridden period pussy
>>676696386
This is something I'd never do.
Period blood grosses me the fuck out.
But I have 'eaten booty' before.
>Match girl on tinder
>has nice face, kinda cute
>She wants to bang and I'm keen so I drive on over to her place
>She greets me, horror besets me as I realise she is a whale and I am the krill
>I'm already there so I might as well nut tonight, please let it be over quickly
>She starts off by offering me weed, I don't smoke but I just accept it. It's shit and doesn't help me but she gets giddy
>I tell her let's go
>She sucks me off alright, couldn't even deepthroat though when she said she could
>She tells me to finger her, I wasn't about to put my hand in the whales mouth so I said no
>I hurry up and fuck the slab of meat before me and nut as quick as I could
>She again tells me to finger her, I say no and then she wants to blow me again
>tell her I'm tired and I leave
>Hot shower when I got home
>>676696034
I didnt fuck her again until during the summer I was 19 and she was 15. over those 3 months we fucked about 20 times and kept it secret. She was on bc and we only used a condom a few times. She became a huge slut that next school year, glad i got in before then.
>>676696603
It just happened, realized it wasn't shit
I have no shame, makes sex better. But now I'm a fucking filthy degenerate pervert....
>>676685155
>>be 19
>>dating girl 18 10/10
>>we have discussed trying things such as home video, shes not into it
>>vanillabitch.png
>>tired asf one night, falling asleep
>>she wants the genital mashing
>>tells me to wait on the bed, she walks into walk in wardrobe
>>after a few minutes I walk in, find her bent over
>>startfucking.jpg
>>3 minutes in, she spins around, I'm blinded by a light
>>I'm being filmed
>wtf, not okay
>>pull out, lose hard on, go to bed
>>the next day she makes me watch the footage with her while laughing at me
>>gets mad at me when I ask her to delete it
>>fear of video cameras now
>>tfw if we had reversed the roles, I would've been charged with sexual assault
>>676688929
This is going on /r/4chan, isn't it?
>>676685155
>be a few months ago
>with my then gf in my room getting kinky
>she's blowing me and i ask her if she can deepthroat
>"dunno never done that ill try anon"
>all is well she takes it like a champ
>decide to grab her head and gently push down
>all is good untill all of a sudden i hear "umpf" and feel a shock on my dick
>hit her uvula and she barfed on my dick and is keeping it in while holding my dick in her mouth
>i don't fully realise wtf happened until she slides my cock out of her mouth and looks at me in shock with hamster cheecks from holding the vomit in her mouth
>we go and clean ourselves up all the while laughing like a bunch of mongoloids
It's by far the funniest thing that happened to me during sex. Was glad shs wasn't such a shy prude and thought it was fucking funny also.
>>676695574
pic of dick with timestamp.
>>676685155
first time, take a girl up to one of our many hotel rooms.
ate her out. getting ready to do the deed, she stops me and lays me down for head.
two licks, she starts bawling. her boyfriend had beaten her the night previous and she started freaking out. so whatever. i was supportive, got some titties at least.
in the end it was better for me. she ended up being an awful person by nature.
>be me, in college
>roommate has QT 3.14 friend that's still in high school over for a weekend visit
>pretty sure she's 18, but so tiny she looks 12
>Friday night, we all get hammered, she passes out in my bed
>score.jpeg!
>too fucked up to do anything
>come out of coma early next morning, now's my chance.gif
>start giving her oral to wake her up; she moans a bit and turns on to her stomach
>I continue, now giving her a rim job
>she awakes all of a sudden and screams 'WHAT THE FUCK', whole apartment hears and wakes up
>roommates hella pissed; convinced I'm about to busted as a raper
Moral of the Story: Surprise rim jobs are a bad idea
> me living in a new town
> 22 and desperate for a fuck because it's been awhile
> first year working at this place I set my bar low, like low low.
>anyway working still and find someone interesting.
> chick I work with is pretty chill, smokes weed and has a positive demeanor.
>she 38 at the time 4/10 and had so many issues (fuck it I just wanna get laid)
>initiate hung out at her place when I'm drunk and we end up in her bedroom and fucked with condom.
> I wake up nice and early and realize what happened.
> buzzing turns into furious knocking.
>OH FUCK oh fuck fuck fuck.
>door opens and it's her crackhead bf that cheated on her but they weren't officially "off".
>so her and I lay there in bed in a panic wondering what happens next.
>I swear the fuck to god he gave her a look and looked at me and walked out.
>I was in another place in my mind and thought I was going to die that day.
>ten mins later I got dressed grabbed my shit and left.
It was painful as fuck for awhile and didn't look at her the same for while.
>>676698235
u're a raper.
>>676687185
My mind's tellin' me no.
But my body... my body's tellin' me yes!
>10/10 Girl wants to fuck.
>Shes hot af
>5.5Inch Dick
>She wants it Anal.
>fucked her thight Asshole
>tells me my Dick is not big enough
>takes a at least 10 inch long Dildo
>fucks herself in her Pussy
>Dick Shaming.
>tells me to take it out
>Masturbate myself
>I came
>First time a Girl told me my Dick is to small
>Pure Shame
>>676685155
>>676698235
tl;dr you're a raper
>>676695801
Dude seriously? You don't get the fucking reference even with all the fucking hints? Fucking retard, jesus christ.
>>676698806
hey man atleast you got to fuck her ass.
free porn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D12Xg1XQVEU
>>676698806
>She wants it Anal.
>fucked her thight
>fucks herself in the Pussy
virgin detected
>>676698911
>>676698897
>>676698617
virgins detected
>>676693996
hahah im so done.
>>676697431
What a cunt
>licking gf pussy in the dark
>eating it like a starving ethiopian
>comes with force of 100000 keks
wtf this tastes super weird...metallic almost
>immediately realize what's going on
>turn on light
>murder scene
>girlfriend has worst look on her face i've ever seen
>go to bathroom and look in mirror
>red wings achieved
3/10, do not recommend eating bloody pussy
>>676696603
No problem eating out bitches on the rag - just stay on the clit.
>What is anatomy
>>676699230
He legit started eating her out while she was unconscious. They didn't even have sex the night before. That's a little uncalled for lmao
>>676699531
This.
Period blood is infinitely more disgusting than regular blood, though.
My ex told me she couldn't get pregnant so I busted the most creamy extreme load inside of her and then the next day she told me the not getting pregnant thing was a lie.
fucked one of my friend's girlfriends the week before they started dating.
By the gods it was dull, missionary. nothing weird. nothing fun. she didn't move her body. she didn't make facial expressions. she didn't do a god damned thing. I've been with a few girls and when i first started having sex and was bad at it. gods there was still... still something.
Funny part is the friend told me they have crazy fun sex. kek.
>>676699361
yeah.....not gonna lie, it's been difficult for me to get my self confidence back in my sex life since things ended with her, and that incident among other similar ones are the cause....I'm trying not to just take out my anger on all women, but it's fucking hard to not treat them all the same sometimes.
>>676697431
>Still don't know how to greentext.
>2016.
>>676688929
someone pls cap this
>>676697635
What happened to her anon, she sounds alright.
>>676700095
was not aware that a double > followed by a number caused the crossout thing......I've learned a new thing today.
>>676698170
She used you for her own pleasure you beta.
>>676700315
>>676699557
Thanks for morality lesson Anita. I'm guessing you don't have much experience with drunk naked girls passing out on your bed.
>>676700315
Its trying to link you to a reply, but since reply number >>3 died 13 years before you started using 4chan, its crossed out, newfag
>>676700529
i dont have experience with outer space but i still know you'll fuckin die if you're out there naked
>>676700529
Lmao definitely in no way agree with the whole "cant consent when drunk" thing or feminism in general, but that was sticking your tongue in a sleeping girls pussy is a pretty clear case of sexual harassment
First time I had sex. Not bc I was bad, but because SHE was bad. I got three strokes in before she came. Most blue-balled I've ever been. Sucked a lot.
>>676700724
Why would you have to stop because she came?
>>676692368
lol not too bad
>>676699648
True, and it can get a bit aromatic (which is diamond boner inducing once you're expecting it), but her hormones will be a'raging and she'll be cumming like a freight train.
>>676699904
No you didn't, you're 14.
>>676700819
That shit CLAMPED, she was tight to begin with, but that shit was like a literal wet clam after she came. It was hard enough to get it in because she was so tight, but it felt great. But, like I said, vag clamped down to the point that it hurt my dick. Didn't want to stop, HAD to stop.
Here's a good on:
>Have gf
>Have sex almost every time we're alone
>Make her cum nearly very time
>It gradually gets harder and harder to make her cum, don't know why
>Feel inadequate at this point
>This triggers sexual anxiety, which in turn makes me bust in like ten strokes
>Only makes it worse, stop having sex, maybe lime twice a month
>Only makes me bust even faster after being blue-balled for weeks
>Haven't fucked in a month
>Want to kill myself
>FUCK
>KILL MEEEEE
>>676700723
Yeah, maybe. I did feel kinda bad about it. Fortunately this was a long time ago, before a lot of people became so uptight about fucking.
Peace anon.
>>676701103
You best believe it faggot
>>676700261
Well she was shit at planning and as a sailor im away from home alot so many a weekend we would meet and she'd cancel or change plans at the last minute cause of allready havinflg made plans she forgot about or she was afraid of telling me cauae she'd think i would be dissapointed but she has alot of psychological issues like schyzophrenia and OCD but weirdly she is one of the most normal girls i've ever met. We talked about everything again a few weeks ago and noticed the feelings were far from gone. Only she is switching meds and finally getting the treatment she needs (shit psychiatrists before this new one) and she is at a low point atm so when the new meds kick in and she feels safe about it there's a huge chance we're gonna give it a second spin. As we now understand what went wrong and know how to work with it. I hope it works out she is one the sweetest girls i have ever known and the time we were together we were like sid and nancy.
>>676701422
Get some blue pills on interwebs, from dads stash, or even just from you doc. This is a common problem that should be obsolete because science bitch.
>>676701171
Stop fucking 10 year olds.
>Be 14
>fingering gf
>pull fingers out and see blood/weird thing looked like rolled up skin
>realize I just pulled her hymen out
>freak out and wipe it on the ground
>dog walks over and eats it
>next day realize what I had done
>cant look at my dog the same ever since
>be 18
>make bet w/ friends to see who could fuck this chick first
>that night invite her & her friend along with two of my other friends (who participated in the bet also) to hang out
>play truth or dare
>kid shit but worked
>dared to give me a handjob & I play w/ her tits
>take her back to buddies' place and proceed to finger the fuck out that puss
>says she needs to go home and I decide to take her
>drive to random dark neighborhood street with no street lights
>it's fucking on
>hop in back seat take off her pants and fingering her like no tomorrow
>she giving me a terrible handjob but what'd you expect
>pull out condom and she bends over in cramped ass car
>pretty fucking cramped but that ass was 10/10
>start to fuck her as best as I'm able in a compact spot
>weird smell coming from her butthole
>bitch's asshole gave off a fragrance like I've never known before
>flip her on her back in weird ass position where her legs are over my shoulders
>still smells like hell
>can't cum due to smell
>eventually after 20 minutes of limp fish sex she tells me she needs to leave soon and that I need to come
>don't even bother anymore and decide to just take her the fuck home
>1 year later hits me up and says I might have chlamydia
>didn't even get the money from the bet
>4/10 wouldn't do it again unless drunk and really horny
>>676694912
yeah not he same anon but ive seen this before a few years ago
>>676689110
>>676689192
>>676694629
>>676697505
>>676700201
this is copypasta you raging newfags
Being too drunk to not get the fullest out of my first anal experience
>be 6 years old
>at family owned ranch with uncle
>uncle helps me bathe. because im fucking 6
>literally starts rubbing 6 year old stub out of nowhere
>tf uncle
>get molested
>never tell anyone because 6 and dumb af
>uncle arrested 7 years later.
i also once fucked an orange after dating a catholic and going through a year long dry spell.
>fucking this orange
>pussy so good
>forgot oranges are acidic
>burns so much, but i have to cum
>make some creamy orange sundae
>shit so cash
>piss blood 2 days later
>really bad bladder infection. shit hurts
>i still fucked oranges afterwards, but with condoms on.
>mfw most of my condoms where used fucking oranges instead of fucking ny gf
end my cringy existence
>>676701928
We were both 16, and she was a very petite girl. Also doesn't help that she was completely innocent before we dated. The sex was a year and a half on to our relationship, that's how long it took. Was worth the wait every time after that.
>>676688095
Hurr durr but if it has a hole you're gay if you don't fuck it
>>676702646
Seriously, even you can do better than this
>>676700315
hey guys look its a newfag ahahahahahah
>Be me 3 or 4 years ago, in /fit shape and can easily get laid but bareback anal (with a girl is hard to come by
>find fat but not all that obese white chick with huge shapely ass online
>straight up tell her I want to fuck her ass without a condom
>she tells me she never does anal but will if I give her 40
>wtf?
>Sends me pics of her ass and somehow her legs and whatnot are smooth not gross fat so why not?
>gives me her address, I show up about 40 mins later
>ghetto shit hole and apparently she is some kind of crackhead or somethin
>mfw when I am balls deep in her ass in less than 5 minutes after being there
>fuck her doggystyle in the ass
>its extremely tight and feels great while she keeps saying that she's an ass virigin
>nut all in her ass
>notice how disgusting what I am doing is inside disgusting room in disgusting house in moment of clarity
>sit there for a second on gross bed
>she volunteers to blow me
>why not ass to mouth
>notice dead mouse on floor that has been there for at least 3 months
>here someone come in front, giant comotion
>she stops blowing me and goes to see what's wrong
>I quickly get dressed as the conversation they are having seems to be that of a couple
>see guy and walk right past him as he says nothing with his fat gross crackhead standing next to him nude with my cum dripping out of her ass
>he was too scared because of my /fit mode status
>>676685155
>had recently broke up with long term ex
>just trying to get dick wet
>not attracted to black chicks, but one at work is half asian
>know that several guys tryin to fuck
>start flirting and within a week get her to my house
>still not attracted to black chicks but need to get dick wet
>moment of truth...overthinking how I'm not attracted to this girl even if she has huge tits.
>soft dick is soft
>"Whats wrong anon?"
>"I didn't know i was going to fuck you, so I fapped before you came"
>worst excuse ever.
>Chick immediately gets dressed and leaves.
FML still work with her and fairly certain she told all the girls at work.
>>676703611
eh, i ended up marrying her. she had a real freaky side. lets me tie her up, anal, and ive satisfied all of my fetishes. completely worth it.
patience is key anon.
>>676704029
Never understood not being able to get it up. Seriously, most girls have experienced this a few times and are not ashamed to let you try. If it ever happens to any of you, pro tip, just get her doggy style and literally tell her you want to get it hard, she will comply, done this in drunken fucking days with about 10 different girls, and rub it on her pussy and ass, slap it on there a few times, even if it takes a minute. Girls actually can get turned on by it if you do it correctly because they are all about anticipation. Instincts kick in and it has literally never failed my dick once.
>>676704442
Seriously though, I was forcing myself to be attracted to a girl, simply because my ego was proud that I got to her first before the other guys at my job did.
The other turnoff was pierced nipples, weird I know, but playin with tits is usually what turns me on, and a mouth full of metal doesn't do it for me.
My worst sexual experience came completely unexpected
>be me, 20
>meet 9/10 girl, 24, through friend
>no joke one of the hottest girls I've seen up close
>cute tits, round ass, tattoos
>obvious chemistry, we hang out
>one night we're chatting and she asks me over
>at her place, get naked, start licking her
>no crazy sparks but she comes
>grab condom, start fucking
>lick tits but she moves me away
>she's groaning but not much is happening
>hard but not coming
>stop after a while
>haven't come
>I've literally never before or after not come during sex
>lie next to each other in silence
>3/10 would not sex again
Except I did of course
>be few months later, still hanging out
>I'm at her place and leave after a movie
>calls me to come back
>undress kind of awkwardly
>she gets on me and rides my cock
>she's groaning a little but I'm not really feeling it
>basically she's just jumping on me a bit and that's it
>she cums (I guess?) and gets off me
>lie next to each other in silence again
>second time I didn't come during sex
2/10 learned my lesson and would not sex again
To this day I'm utterly confused as to why the fuck sex with her didn't work. I mean she's hot as fuck and we're both horny degenerates.
>>676701468
god damn that vid is fucking horrid
>>676704288
You married your uncle or the orange? Dickwad
>>676704442
different anon here. ikr, ive never had that issue unless im on drugs which is very rare. like other mammals rear entry/doggy is hard wired into our brains
>>676685155
I fucking hate bodily fluids, and this girl I'd wanted to hook up with—christ, I'm gagging just thinking about it—she was on top of me and and we were making out and she's salivating like a fucking rabid dog, and I keep wiping my mouth, hoping she'll get the hint, and then she actually backs off... and starts drooling on my face. I've had bad sex before, but I've never pushed someone off of me like that before. I just couldn't stop thinking 'What the fuck? What the fuck?'
>>676685155
all of them
>>676686615
Couldn't find it? Well, I give you props for almost having sex at 12 years old.
>>676705202
First time I've laughed out loud in this thread, thanks anon
>what the fuck, what the fuck
>>676691476
>made
dont do it there is a reason i he could not find.
>>676692368
kek
>>676703236
you'll change your mind once you lose your virginity
>>676693242
>>676702350
kek
>>676685155
gona need more of her
>>676705512
I was literally panicking internally, repeating that over and over.
>>676688929
Only about the 10th time I've seen this pasta.
getting so drunk that i had a raging case of whiskey dick.
I slept with Ariel Rebel years ago. It was really, really bad.
>>676701468
Oh. Oh no. No.
>>676687185
shit you got raped
drool over girl in local mcds for years we talk alot decide to go out start talkin abiut sex and stuff share experiances and stuff says she loves to be ass fucked dick is dimonds tells me to wait until next day cant wait to fuck her bend her over piles hangin out of her arse like you whouldent belive little clumps of toilet paper hsngin on to her ass grape i go in anyways bsng the shit out of her pull out piles and internal muscles follow like proper hangin out i tell her she says dont worrie giggles says everyone has fucked my ass around 50 guys
im utterly disgusted but strangley aroused
sober up next day start worring about aids ext
smoke week get ptoper panic attact on do a little coke to try and sort my hesd out fuck its worse run into doctors shout st woman on recrption ive got fuckin aids
start to cry full on panic atack kicks in go bat shit crazy running around on a coke misdion police come i spit in their face and say share my aids get tazerd locked up come round next day holy fuck
now im known as aids guy
>>676704665
I am a doctor and you are gay. There is no help for you.
>Be about 5 years ago
>Spend day off playing Warcraft
>trollshaman.jpg
>Girlfriend texts that she's working late
>No biggie
>Keep playing WoW
>Girlfriend finally comes home
>Looking sexy as fuck in her uniform
>pic related
>dick-to-diamonds.gif
>Grab her as she's heading to bathroom
>Start kissing her and feeling tits
>She says she needs shower
>Sweaty from double shift at sports bar
>I dont give a fuck
>Bend her over and lift her skirt
>Pull thong to the side and eat her ass
>She's practically begging me to stop
>nope.bmp
>I start licking her pussy to get it wet
>Got my face all up in her ass
>She's creamed her panties
>All moist and salty from sweat
>Tastes funky but I'm so turned on
>She's practically crying
>It's then that it hits me
>Her cunt is oozing cum
>Some other guys cum
>I gag and vomit on her feet
>She runs away crying
>Locks herself in the bathroom
>I pound on the door but she wont open
>Tell her I'm leaving and for her to be gone by morning
>I leave and get drunk
>Come back and her and her shit is gone
>Never see her again
>>676696365
it bothered you enough to reply
>>676706603
No you didn't.
>>676706944
nice dubs cuck
>>676706944
That's what happens when your whole life is vidya.
>>676706944
best story ITT so far
>>676685155
Beat this homos:
>Be me
>17, virgin and semi alpha
>meet 27 yr-old scottish chick on night out with uncle
>kissing, dry-humping... "lets go back to my hotel"
>get to her shitty hotel
>omg im gonna get laid
>pull my foreskin back for the first time, ouch
>trying to get it in, so dry
>its in, seems like theres some fluid down there
>humping, my disk is so numb I don't think sex is my thing
>look down, thats not lube, thats blood gushing out my banjo string
>bed is covered in blood
>jump up and scream, she does too
>i run into bathroom and clean my dick, its bleeding like fuck
>come back to room and shes crying saying how sorry she is and she thought her period had finished
>mfw she thinks its her fault
>get her number (i think if I get aids ill let her know)
I ended up calling her a week later and a month or so down the line she comes back to town with a friend and we hook up again. This time with a condom and I break my duck with her. She was fucking smokin body wise but a freaky scottish POV.
Story is legit /b/ros
>>676685155
>be me
>felt like going wild
>steal dad's car
>pickup friend
>drive to the red light area
>Fuck yeah I'm up for anything
>Pay for entry to the strip show for me and my mate
>sitting down watching strippers
>a stripper comes from the backstage
>"Hey anon! wanna fuck me on stage?" she whispered in my ear.
>UP FOR ANYTHING "fuck yeah"
>The stripper's show time comes up
>I get on stage and take off my shirt
>she sucks me off for about 30 min
>"Is that enough?" she asks
>I look at my half chubby cock and say yes
>she rides me for 10 minutes
>TL;dr lost my virginity to a stripper on stage at 14
>>676707120
2009, Montreal.
>>676707631
oh, that's a legit proof
>>676707576
20000% didn't happen.
>>676706944
Oh my lawd
You fucking complete cuck, the fact you still think she was on a double shift
>>676706944
niiice
fuck anon i feel for you man cant think of
anything worse fuck i can almost taste that shit you made me gag
>>676707576
bullshit, that was in your dream
>>676707732
Oh okay me just go to the landfill to dig out my fucking 7 years told razor flip phone to show you the text.
>>676707576
Wow, cool story bro.
>>676707766
nah it did but honestly it was the most embarassing moment of my life
I would have preferred to save it for wizardry/marraige in hindsight
>>676707848
I'm 34 now
it was the 90's and laws were a little more relaxed
>>676707941
Dude fucking stop. That's literally one of the fakest, dumbest stories I've ever fucking read in my life.
be 24 greek Adonis... meet 19yr old chick at friends party, has 2 yr old kid and bf,she is an emotional FUCKING drunk wreck!! will not gtfo me all night ruins whole party for everyone , eventually give in and anger fuck the shit out of this slut ,stick in her pooper fucking her so hard her face hitting the wall lmfao.... nek mornin helpin friend clean house... friend: anon why is there a faceprint on the wall? mfw she was wearing so much makeup....
>>676708012
They absolutely fucking were not more relaxed when it came to strippers fucking way underage faggots ON STAGE.
>>676707910
the one thing I learned from that was that when there are people watching you the boys can last longer cause of the pressure of knowing people are watching. makes you last longer
>>676685155
Um, no, first of all, you don't fucking piss in the coola you shitlord fuckity cuntometer. Second off, don't TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. SHUT UP
>>676704665
>>I've literally never before or after not come during sex
>>second time I didn't come during sex
>what
>>676707576
>>676707941
>>676708012
>>676708167
Uhu
>>676708245
That's obviously part of the narrative
>Except I did of course
Fingering a drunk chick in a dark room, told me to call her, never did. She tells everyone I felt small.
>>676707861
I won't hold my breath
>>676685155
Besides the gf who claimed she had a hysterectomy and who didn't?
Or the gf who claimed she was on the pill but then "forgot"?
Or the gf who claimed I was stalking her when I took her to court for threatening to kill me?
Hm, I have a few more...
Uh, gee... kind of hard to pick the worst one..
>>676691313
so bad, this guys probably googling 4chan storys for every bread
>>676695740
Mfw the same kinda shit happened to me
>>676688929
you should write for seinfeld
Fucked a chubby chick I met through tinder. First time with a chubby for me, wasn't bad, she wanted anal and everything. There was this horrible smell though, like she had tons of cheap perfume or some shit. Made me gag a little, though not enough to stop me from plowing her. When she wanted to meet up again I politely declined.
Turns out it was my fault in the end. I was in Brazil at the time and it later turned out it was the lube I bought that had that smell. Don't know what I expected from a Paguemenos product to be honest.
>>676688386
Faggot
>>676708560
Women Call It Stalking
By
Otis Lee Crenshaw
I’m only six foot one against this chart on the wall,
But when she’s eyeing to find me I go ten feet tall,
There’s only five guys here so when she singles me out,
Kinda makes me feel special, makes me feel proud,
She can put her finger on me, the rest of her too,
Any kind of attention from that woman will do.
She says I’ll see you in court, well I can’t wait,
She calls it a trial but I call it a date,
When the judge throws the book I’ll pretend it’s a bouquet,
Cos’ I’m gonna marry that woman some day,
You can tell a woman that you love her face to face,
Or you can do it from a phone call that can’t be traced.
Women like flowers and candies and trees,
Unless you’re standing behind one and they call the police,
When I see her they’ll be tears down my face,
It might be love or it might be mace.
>>676708945
Oh shieeeeet
>getting with drunk girl at house party
>she tells me 'she can't wait to go home with me'
>proceeds to get absolutely white girl fucking wasted
>her friends take her home
>blueballs.png
>ugly-ass friend tells me she loves me more than the other girl
>let her suck my dick
>she was like a fucking cheese grater
>have snapped my banjo string before so it's pretty weak
>she stops when her mouth is bloody
>turned over and went to sleep
So underwhelming. Now regularly fuck the original hot girl on the sly. GF doesn't know.
>>676704643
>half az, half black
>huge pierced tits
this girl sounds dope, what's wrong with you, you one of them faggerts?
>>676708987
Oh yeah, the fake tears in court were cute, too.
>>676708105
was she a short girl with green eyes and a fat ass?
>meet girl from tinder
>average looking but kinky af
>start making out but im fucking turned off cause shes a smoker
>starts to suck my cock
>tries to fucking devour it
>starts to hurt
>bitch tryin to choke herself with my dick
>look down at her with a "wtf face"
>tell her to stop and back the fuck out
>>676689773
this.is.gold
>>676702646
Grapefruit you moron
>>676708560
>hysterectomy
I regret lookin this up on wikipedia
>>676711052
Summary?
>>676689414
Not piss dick head
>>676711130
they have pictures of associated diseases and a complete surgery
>>676687185
Yeah that's rape
>>676701681
Are you a marine? I feel like I know her.
>>676711239
Retard or shit-tier bait?
>me years ago working abroad
>work at hotel, living in staff rooms
>hot Finnish girl arrives, takes room next to mine
>she seems to notice me over the following days and we have occasional exchange of words that in the broadest sense of the concept can count as flirting
>Damnit I need to fuck it
>obsessively fawn over her for days until I grow a pair and devise a plan
>decide girls are into cocksure guys
>next day hear her coming into her room, wait a few minutes for her to settle in
>now or never
>walk over, open door, walk in in one smooth motion
>she is getting undressed after her shift, her eyes widen as she sees me barge in, covers up her bra.
>I risk it all and keep walking straight into her saying nothing
>before she can say anything I grab her and kiss her deeply
>feel her tense body relax
>so far so good
>she responds, kisses me back aggressively
>clothes start flying as she drags me to her bed
>hail Zeus, it fuckin worked!!
>she pushes me down and takes off her panties right before she straddles me
>dickisdiamonds, feel like a winner
>the moment her panties are off the smell hits me
>her pussy smells like she keeps a block of bluecheese and a herring in there
>my mind can't even, how is this possible, she's so pretty!
>ABORT ABORT
>I try to get up repeatedly, she's having none of that
>she is seeing red, needs to fuck
>I relent and she's on me having a great time while I die a little inside every time that waft hits my face
>Keep gasping and holding my breath whenever I sense breathable air near my face
>how is it possible for her not to smell this??
>eyes are tearing up, eventually lose erection
>make lame excuse and get the fuck out of dodge
>run half naked to staff shower for decontamination
>after that day she aggressively pursues me, visibly confused at me avoiding her
>>676711239
>>676712233
I genuinely hope that entrance was real
>>676712645
I tell you it was like something out of a movie, I executed it perfectly. This was more than a decade ago and it still stands out as the most horrifying sexual experience I ever endured
>be me, 16
>at a party
>decide to lose virginity
>socially retarded beyond belief
>have to get drunk
>realize everyone is getting drunk so... yeah
>get drunk
>get hammered coz dumbass
>look for girls
>see one, about as hammered as me
>go for it
>cant remember shit after that
>wake up next morning
>Lisa, the Whore Whale is snoring beside me
>"Oh hell no we didn't"
>get flashes of last night activities
>we did it so hard
>longest walk of shame till this day
Another one
>go to the club
>mostly drunk, slurring words etc.
>"bro, gotta get laid, bitches be askin for it man"
>sure
>moments after entering my "bros" are talking to a group of girls
>surprised coz it is a very diverse group of girls, black, white, asian, even an arab chick
>think I might finally get some asian pussy
>hammered
>wake up
>7/10 black chick from that group of girls is beside me
>not into black girls, wtf mode
>she wakes up
>calls me daddy and says I gave her a good time last night
>wants to return the favor
>not attracted at all
>do not want
>too awkward to reject her
>engage in 15 minutes of the most odd sex ever
>could not fap for days after that
>next time I had sex was also awkward coz I could not get that night out of my head
>>676714004
Last sentence should say "morning" instead of "night"
God, I still get light-headed when I think about it, and it was years ago
>be me right after breakup
>go to bar with friends to get wasted
>find hot redhead grill and get number
>meet couple times
>become fuck buddies
>one night, partying with redhead grill
>go home, super drunk, collapse on bed
>almost asleep, redhead grill starts sucking my cock
>feelsnice.png want to grab her pussy but can't reach
>fondle ass instead, touch her asshole, sucking intensifies
>am really drunk and really horny now
>ask "should i fuck your ass?"
>says "maybe". ohboy.mp3
>suddenly super awake
>get up to slam grill in ass
>have no lube or anything, don't care
>just spit on her asshole and put penis in
>bigsurprise.mov It works!!!
>fucking her ass, tight and super nice
>smell slightest shit smell
>still drunk but not super stupid
>the mighty gods let me realize this could go wrong
>even in my drunken horny rage
>order her to go to the bathroom with me
>quickly move to bathroom
>continue assfucking
>get super excited, dirty talk, call her a slut
>she loves it, wants it harder
>suddenly notice weird feeling on dick
>whatisthis.log
>mfw shit comes out
>dick goes soft, still try to finish
>close eyes, pump harder, cum
>mfw she shits all over my dick
>mfw steamy shit waves pour out over both of us
>mfw everything is covered in shit
>takes half an hour to clean up
>awkward silence
>have to shower another half hour to feel clean again
>finally try to break silence, she must feel awful
>try to say that it maybe was just an accident
>mfw she says it's just natural
>mfw she tells me that this happened also the first time
>but she was on drugs and in a public hallway
>mfw I have no idea who I have been fucking the last few months
>>676714004
>>be me, 16
>>at a party
>>decide to lose virginity
>>socially retarded beyond belief
Can't go wrong when you start off like this
>>think I might finally get some asian pussy
>>hammered
>>wake up
More writing like this, I snorted loudly in a public place
A+ for style bro, but I can't really see what was so horrible about the black girl story. Like, just that she was black or what?
>>676711130
Surgical removal of uterus, but gf lied about having had one.
>>676685155
>The lack of any experience
>>676714844
Sounds hot though. Also, checked.
>>676685155
>Used to go out with this chubster
>Was about 15
>She'd come to my house
>We'd fuck
>we'd eat
>Play vidya
>Fuck more
>One day
>Just had sex
>She's laying face down on the bed
>I'm sat next to her getting dressed
>Turn to look at her right as she rips the loudest fart I've ever heard
>My head is poisitioned above her ass
>Straight to the nose
>Outright without warning vomit on the floor
>Was the rankest shit I ever smelled in my life
>Like nothing has ever reached that level before
>She gets pissed as fuck
>Starts saying I'm overreacting
>Literally not
>She leaves
>We break up a week later
I mean things were bad already, but I think that was the last straw because from that point on she disgusted me.
>>676685155
Friends 16 year old bro got me to help fuck my friend and included lots of drugs to convince him to have gay sex. I even fisted him
>>676689773
Allright, i have one aswell:
>be me, about 16 or 17
>have a thing with a girl who's 17
>had been dating for a few months at the time
>she goes to my house one day
>have a couple of our friends there aswell
>just drinking and having a good time
>at night time we go to bed
>she wants to bang
>both half drunk still
>i manage to get hard
>the sex has been going on for about 5 minutes
>suddently, she farts really loud out of her pussy
>we both burst out in laughter
>dick goes soft, still can't stop laughing
>she stops laughing and wants to keep going
>nope.jpg
>not gonna happen, i still keep laughing and it turns awkward at this point
>go to sleep
>wake up the next morning and everything was awkward from there
>>676714004
>>calls me daddy
hahahaha
True story.
>be invited to party by co-worker
>i don't really know him but decide to try stop being beta and accept the invite
>fast forward to party
>there is at least 15 people crammed into a small apartment
>i don't know anyone and everyone is already in groups
>feel out of place
>start drinking some beer i brought with me
>nearly an hour goes and all i did was sip on beer and small talk to random people
>suddenly everyone shuts the fuck up
>the guy who invited me was the host and announced a dare
>he then leaned over to this 9/10 17 year old girl
>lets call her annie
>annie approaches me and whispers to me
>"he told me if i kiss you i'd get $5"
>i'm dissapointed but i tell her that i'll play along
>i was in full panic mode as i've never kissed a girl before
>luckily she was the offensive one and sat ontop of my lap and wrapped her hands around me and kissed me
>it was super intense and i didn't know what the fuck to do
>she was invading my virgin mouth with her tongue
>slowly i start attacking back and it becomes a reverse tug battle of pushing our tongues into the other one's mouth
>what feels like forever suddenly ends and everyone was cheering
>the host high fived me and told me how my first kiss was like
>he knew i was a virgin and just announced it to everyone
>i try to look away but i can see everyone laughing at me
>feelsbadman.jpg
>after everyone chills out and return to their groups, annie approaches me
>she says she feels sorry for me and apologized
Cont.?
>>676715457
>>Outright without warning vomit on the floor
I'm dying
>>676714886
>but I can't really see what was so horrible about the black girl story.
Maybe I was a bit unclear: I do not find black girls attractive, mostly. I just don't see their big lips and big asses as hot, in fact, too much ass is a turn-off for me. Also, their body language, attitude, manner of speech, for me, it all adds up to a big NO. (side note: I realize not all black girls are like that, but you get the point)
So, I hope now you realize how it felt when I woke up next to her and "had to" have sex with her AGAIN. Here are some more details:
>achieving that boner was on par with Moses splitting the Red Sea
>the entire time I was asking myself how did I end up in this situation
>she was getting more and more into it
>at the same time, I'm talking to Nietzsche about the situation and what to make of it (he said nothing)
>realize it will take forever
>gotta cum asap
>think how I am banging Beyonce
>I don't even like Beyonce
>pic related
>>676693431
Nigga
Learn to spell
>>676685155
>be me
>fucking ex doggy on couch
>hardtoexplainposition.exe
>couch starts to tip
>brace for impact
>couch flips and she does front flip
>Couch lands on her face with my weight on it
>crushes her nose
>mfw nurses think I assaulted her
>mfw I have to explain to police what happened
>>676715637
And he doesn't even like how blacks speak, imagine the level of autism kek
>>676716000
We don't come here for half stories. Follow up on those trips dude
>>676695574
I get what you're going for, but the Hymenoptera doesn't have to break the first time as long as you do it the right way, aka foreplay
>>676716387
why did someone call the police anyway?
>>676685155
Still haunts me
Had my room mate suck my dick(another guy) while my GF was in the other room
>>676717085
Had to go to the hospital , her nose was fucked up lol
told the story before... piss enema with explosive diarrhea.
>>676717746
oh shit i remember this
>>676717411
What this means I dont even
>>676689414
Um...a female does not piss when she has an orgasm, friend. Educate yourself before you rekt yourself.
So i fucked a girl when i was super drunk, except she is trashy as hell and the most annoying fuck i ever met. Not only that but i probably got chlamydia from her so i had to get tested for STDs yesterday. I'm really ashamed. I kicked her out from my house party even. At least she's decent looking though.
>>676718067
>oh shit i remember this
poor choice of words my friend
>>676718431
>dat weak silver lining tho
>is this how to greentext lol
>>676718626
cmon now
>>676718623
Gotta look at the bright side.
>>676689618
>>676689844
>>676711239
>>676718261
So many ignorant shit that misunderstand
>>676689414
and want to feel superior
My first time I tried to stick it in the urethra. Didn't go so well.
>be me, 19
>fucking this 7/10 cheerleader with 9/10 body flexible af
>feel like a champ
>one night ask to cum on her tits, she nods
>cum huge load on her tits
>thisisawesome.png
>next time she asks if I want to cum in her mouth, her dad in the room next to us
>fuckyeah.jpg
>cant cum for 25 min building up a huge load
>finally close to finish, gets up infront of her face
>hhhnnnrrrgghhh.mov
>fill her mouth to the brink with cum, and some in her eye, hair, pillows younameit
>ontop of her sitting on her chest basicly
>see the panic filling her eyes with mouth full of cum
>gulp.jpeg
>"That was the most disgusting thing ever" she cries out
>start laughing uncontrollably as she starts gagging over the taste
>sorry not sorry gurl
>feel ashamed whenever I see her dad now knowing the shit I have done to his daughter when he is literally 6 feet away.
>>676691594
same.. fell sorry for you
>your mom
>>676718495
kek'd
>>676688580
I understand this feel /b/ro
>>676719227
btw, true story and my first time sharing story on /b/ #newfag as fuck
>>676688580
I this how marriage mostly is? I know only one couple that is truly happy, the others are just going through the motions as though the people the are married to are faceless and soulless entities
>>676719614
Seriously get the fuck out
>>676719614
Grats on popping that greentext cherry, anon
While having sex with my gf I get up to close the window. We keep a fan by it to blow in the cool air. Well the fan had the guard off and I wasn't paying attention and...yeah...dick in the fan. No it didn't get chopped off but definitely a nasty little cut.
>>676718626
>>676719412
Genuine 4chan cringe. Real 9y old, watch it live right now right here folks.
>>676719641
My parents are having a great time, and always have.
>never actually married tho
>>676719690
That's the spirit
>>676719614
You heard him, cunt
>>676719614
Leave faggot
>>676719571
All here come in
I was eating this girl out and she squirted all in my mouth. Bright side, it didn't taste like piss.
>>676706944
that's fucked up man, i feel bad for you
>Be 18
>Be drinking because European master race
>Talk with a 6 or 7/10 girl
>She whispers she's horny
>My friend drives us to a more secluded lace in my car and leaves
>mfw she's loose as a I don't know I have no comparison
>She just lies there quiet asking how much longer I can fuck
>I try to cum
>I cum
>Smoke a spliff
>We sleep in the car
>Have to ask my friend to come and drive her home in the morning while I'm hungover sitting in the car
>Silence all the way
>Drop her off at her place and leave with friend
>"Not worth"
>at party see this girl I hate
>she is drunk af
>I'm kinda tipsy too
>decide to have some fun
>start making out with bitch
>she is into it so move into other room
>sexy time occurs
>6 weeks later get a call
>I'm pregnant anon
>Won't have abortion
>Against her religion or some shit
Now I'm a dad. Wut do /b/? Wut do?
>>676690750
anon are you retarded
>>676721818
Surely this isn't true. But if it is, abandon her, leave the city and don't ever come back. Fuck that shit.
>>676721934
I'm in high school. How do I move?
>>676722062
Say X if you are possibly under 18. This is important knowledge. If you are under 18, you shouldn't move. What you HAVE to do is though convince her to get an abortion. No matter what.
>>676685155
>Queen of the MILFS
>Super hot 45 y.o. blonde
>Financially well off, boat owner
>high powered banking industry job
>3 dates in, it's clear that she is dirty minded and wants to fuck
>nice dinner out, she gets hammered quick
>my house, she's drinking like a fish
>of fuck, not just drunk, lush drunk
>She turns dominant
>pulls me by the fair and mashes her pussy into my face
>starts saying shit like eat my pussy you little bitch
>I'm like 'fuck it, go with it'
>Move up and put my cock in her mouth as I stand over her
>Sucks dick like a champ
>suddenly a finger in my ass
>two fingers in my ass
>lose track of how man fingers in my ass
>she stops the ass attack long enough to give me a rim job that can only be described as ass worship
>face buried in my ass for a good 10-15 minutes
>she starts crying - because drunk
>I lose my hardon, because crying drunk
>she gets fucking hostile
>5 minutes later she's sound alseep
Drove her home later, she didn't say a word, never spoke again.
>>676700819
Because she lost her boner.
