Useless Super Powers:
>When you look at someone's pants, you get a text message telling you how long they have been wearing them
>>676450083
You can repel sharks, but only on land.
You can change the length of your teeth, but no one notices besides you
>>676450346
you can repel land, but only on sharks
you can play any game you want
only ubisoft games
Read the mind of dead people.
Not be a faggot, unless you're on 4chan.
The ability to die after hundred years, unless I die earlier
Your dick grows when you are not thinking about sex
You can redirect farts to come out of your urethra.
You have the secret to sucess but you're a nigger
X-ray that only works on people's teeth
you can change any type of cloth to corduroy
>>676451758
That would be really useful for a dentist.
you can start threads on 4chan just by thinking it but they are always cancerous
your body glows green for 24 hours after you ejaculate.
You can transmute anything you touch, but only into cotton wool.
you are able to see up to 30 minutes into the past
>>676450491
this one is actually not that bad, just learn dentistry and you will never lose your teeth
>>676453389
get rich as fuck from selling cotton wool
You can watch any recorded video ever produced when you close your eyes. You cant turn it off
>>676450529
does not compute
>>676451125
Brutal
You can go invisible but only in the most inopportune times
You have super human strength but only when you are asleep
>>676454056
I guess you could record 8 hr a pitch black video of nothing and watch that while you sleep?
>>676453389
... this is amazing. I could jump into a volcano and survive. This power is godlike
>>676453330
so i'm just green all the time?
>>676450083
You can teleport but only to sandnigger countrys and you must be naked and cant carry shit
>>676454055
>profit
>money turns into cotton wool
>fuck
You can create a lamp out of thin air, but only once for the rest of your life
>>676454238
Video turns out to be a screamer
No more sleep
>>676453505
Assuming perfect memory. I could just cram for a test and I'd be golden. Great super power
>>676455245
He said transmute, not like a king midas curse or anything. He can choose what to change
>>676453505
That sounds useful, especially if it's not just your own past
you can read peoples' minds but only when they're thinking about things you know about
>>676454134
You can become invisible. But when somebody looks at you, you turn back.
>>676453505
>you ca see anything in the universe that happened in the last half hour...
this power is fucking sick, also you could peek on hot girls in the shower if you know theyre taking one, just look back in time 1 second to them showering
>>676450083
You can fly but only when inside of an airplane
>>676453389
>touches the ground
>planet becomes cotton wool
>>676456103
You could get a little from from this
>>676450083
You can create ravioli from your finger tips.
They are body temperature
They have no velocity
They just come out of your finger tips.
>>676453505
easily solve murders that took place <30 minutes ago
Turn money into pencil shavings
>>676450083
The power to poo out of someone elses bum hole, id enjoy to have this one ...
Your thumb glows bright green every time someone says "PC Master Race."
you can do any drugs you want but you wont feel its effects, only its after effects
>>676456366
checked, you would never starve
>when you sneeze you make someone else slap their ass and say "ERMEGRD"
You can salivate gallons of saliva in an instant.
>>676450083
You can instantly recognise if an object is a rock
every joint you crack makes one different person each time in the world horny and you have no idea who
You can teleport anywhere on the planet but every time you teleport to a new location a little person is there to greet you with a hard kick to the balls.
You can grow extra fingers/toes on your hand/foot, but only by removing them from your other hand/foot
>>676450083
You will know how long someone will live for, if you witness their birth.
You can speak to violins
>>676457159
>little person
>midget
What if I teleport into a series of locked rooms? Will a midget show up in each one and could I theoretically enslave them and create a midget army?
You can give yourself cancer
>>676450083
power to pee but not on command
http://www.streamboobs.com/lana_rain/
>>676450083
You can melt jet fuel with steel beams
>>676456683
This power has a use. Humiliating people.
You know precisely how many ants are alive on earth at any given time.
You can make anything sticky just by looking at it. Not sticky enough to support anything, and once the stickiness is placed it cannot be removed.
>>676457421
The midget is literally right there next to you when you teleport. Doesn't matter what you do you always get that kick to the balls.
The power to instantly learn a new language, word for word by sacrificing your knowledge of words in your first language
You can spit any distance at any speed.
>>676456192
I was assuming it was only when your hands touch things, meaning you could also solve the money turning to wool thing with gloves.
You can quit using this toxic website.
Only applies when you're sleeping.
>>676450083
There is a button in the left pocket of every pair of pants or shorts you put on that when pressed with your right index finger creates a shield of protection around your body that blocks any thing harmful.
Only downside is every time you use it the bubble is filled with the 5 worst farts ripped on Earth in the past 24 hours. The farts cannot be stopped by any sort of mask either.
You can hold your breath forever as long as there's breathable oxygen around you.
You can run really fast, but you'll never be able to stop running. Ever.
You have the power to educate niggers, but you can't make them stop being niggers
>>676457774
You could learn let's say German when you go to Germany and just learn English back when you come back though.
>>676454238
That's genius honestly
>>676458157
Not too useless in stinky rooms, etc.
>>676450083
you can speak any language ever, but only if you know what the words mean
you can fly, but only to a maximum altitude of 1cm above ground and only to a maximum speed of a slow walk.
>>676452300
> make clothes out of cheap cloth
> use power
> sell now corduroy clothing for more than the cloth was worth
>>676450083
You can never break, sprain, bruise, or cut anything, but every body part you injure will grow hair that cannot be shaved and does not have a limited length to it.
You have the ability to make women want to touch your penis but when they do they turn into leabians.
>>676455690
you missed the joke lmao
>>676450083
> when you cum you loose your boner
>>676457774
thats really fucking useful, just switch back when ever you want at will
You can tell where someone is eating corn in a 50 mile radius
>>676457840
This is probably a real Super Power. I could spit artillery shells. I could break the sound barrier with my spit, temporarily disabling enemies. I could spit bullets. I could spit windows open, or doors down, or walls down. I could deflect nuclear missiles with my spit. I could deflect bullets, disarm enemies with weapons.
They would call me "Spitlord".
>>676451444
TRIPS HAS SPOKEN!
>>676457840
Good for spitting on kids at the playground
>>676458647
Climb mountains effortlessly
>>676458854
Guess I'm a fucking superhero then
>>676457840
That could be useful. If you spit with enough force you could kill someone. Or if you spit into the ground the momentum would push you and you'd be able to fly
fart blood on command
>>676459086
Assuming flying didn't take just as much or if not more effort than walking
>>676454136
Car crash you are invincible.
You can instantly tell if OP is a faggot.
>>676459322
Dubs have spoken
>>676459223
Will you be in the next avengers or C-men?
>>676457840
this is a real super power, you could blow up planets with this. just spit at 1mm per second slower than light speed and you have like a peta tonne bomb
Yous can suck shit up like mf Kirby
Yo stomach ain't a endless dimension n shit
>>676457770
>just wear fucking jock protection
It's not rocket science
>>676451315
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>676458610
People can do that anyway long enough to at least get through it get out of the room.
It's useless if he wants to be in outer space or under water
>>676458647
>suspend board 0.5cm below feet
>fly up to achieve 1cm altitude
>bring board
>remain at 0.5cm altitude from board
>climb to 100ft
>lean 35° forward
>fly away from suspended board
Mathematics dictates that flying directly away from the suspended board would be faster than flying forward, parallel to the board. It would atleast be at a quick jog, depending on your physical height.
>>676459488
Avengers all the way man, I jizz all over the villains, they stand there in shock as my dick shrinks, and the hulk comes in a fucks them
>>676459522
if you spit fast enough, the spit will hit all the atoms along the way causing nuclear fusion of a massive scale, creating the biggest bomb in history
Every 10th leap year on the full moon in November you can make a single ass hair grow 1/20th of an cm for 1 second, but only while staring at 12 turtles
> you get many stranges who are piss drunk and willing to fuck you, but only if you have a bowl of eggs. If you run out of eggs the strangers kill you
>>676458989
>>676459280
>>676459522
never did i say that your lips could handle the speed, you niggers are going to look like michael jackson
>>676459843
I keked harder than I should have anon
>>676459745
>in space
wear an airtight helmet with air in it and hold breath infinitely, you dont need to use up the rest of the air
>>676459964
dont use your lips then?
>>676459941
>run a bar and breakfast joint
>???
>profit
>>676459964
Never mind the lips. When have you ever spit and it has had full contact with the entirety of your lips?
The bigger problem would be splitting your tongue in half, turning your mouth into a prolapsed asshole and shattering your teeth.
> the super power to be a nigger 24/7
>>676460327
then hold the planet hostage with your spit fueled doomsday device, just say you will spit at the planet with unlimited force unless you get everything you want
>>676455690
King Midas transmuted everything into gold. There is nothing about the word transmute that suggests that power would be optional.
The word you meant was 'Can'
Reread it and don't try to be fucking smart, dickhead.
>>676459941
Come on, you've got to have the picture where anon tells a girl she needs to eat the eggs
>>676450562
The most badass Forensic Doctor reporting in?
>>676460516
>super
>>676460573
Nobody on the planet would know of your spitting abilities unless you demonstrated and even if you did, you couldn't use it for intimidation or blackmail, as any spit near that volume would require a huge sacrifice by your mouth and/or face.
>>676460516
>the whitest man in argentina
>>676461038
In Argentina most people are white as fuck.
>>676461698
Argentinian spotted
The power to raise from the dead after three days, but not prevent the holocaust
>>676462148
No, I'm fact I'm european. Spanish to be more accurate.
>>676450083
You can grow your dick to any size but can only orgasm to tumblr feminists.
