Let me ask you something /b/. I have a very select group of people I'd call friends that I've known for years. These "friends" invite me to hang out but when I get there they only seem bored and can't wait for me to leave. This causes me to overthink and have anxiety when I'm around them. What are your friends like?
I have 'friends' and friends.
My 'friends' are people I know IRL, they're kinda assholes, but I hold onto them just so I have someone to hang around with. Sometimes they can be okay but they get too much at times.
My friends are people I talk to online, pretty chill, don't talk to them all all the time but they're good to me, can rely on them.
>tfw i'm a fucking loser
>>676357919
I'm truly a boring person when I'm overthinking and can't gather my thoughts well enough to joke around with my friends and I feel like these friends ive known fir years are still my friends based on that I've known them for a while. I'm not a loser I am just an antisocial mess who can't make new and better friends.
>>676357553
>>676357919
the feels. for me every group of friends ive had does the same shit.
>hey anon come hang out every day with us
>hey guys whats up
>ignores, acts bored,
>hey imma go
>no dont leave please
>oh okaay
i just figure im either there to get used, a filler person so the people injviting me have a distraction from how much they hate themselves, theyre trying to fuck me over, or the most plausible but not in my head that theyre just boring people trying to chill with other people. idk op, people are fucking weird.
I've got two good friends that ask me to hang out with them, and I do the same. Then there are satellite friends that I could invite if I were with a couple of other guys and it would be fun to have them around. Just keep trying anon, there are good friends out there, it just takes a lot of filtering and refining to find the keepers that you seemingly never get bored with.
>>676357553
Find new friends or grow a set of balls and suggest something fun to do.
>>676357553
They are as lonely as you they just want to hang around with some one so they dont look like loser, sometime bring lonley its better than being witj assholes
>>676357553
You might just be imagining this.
Or, they sense that you get awkward, and hope you can choose something to break the tension.
It's no one's job but your own to become the host/guest that you wish to be.
Be the change you wish for. Don't be an unhappy passenger.. or soon you'll find that no one invites you at all.
If you need space, propose an activity that gives you all space.
If you need quiet, propose an activity that takes focus and dedication.
If you need new friends, then let these folks go live their lives... without the company of someone who second guesses and voices dissatisfaction on every little thing.
You're focus is more on what you don't like, than what you do.
Nit-picking everything makes anyone miserable... those receiving and causing.
....if they are really friends of yours, who's company you wish to enjoy, but just cannot due to obsession or anxiety, then talk to a doctor about getting some meds or therapy.
Or, ya know, just bitch, be ignored, and be alone.
>>676357553
>>676359116
Your friends are likely picking up on this vibe.
Have you tried taking the reigns?
Showing them a good time?
Or are you just a snooty pessimist passenger?
>>676360412
pessimist passenger here
any advise for me ?
>>676360412
probably just the last one kek, its funny cause everytime ive taken reigns they follow that is if theyre not too busy being potatoes.
So you're awkward, and a bit too passive.
They likely are, too.
...or the person who set up the event isn't, but is trying to allow you guys the space to be the outgoing ones. ...they may not understand that you don't know how, or just don't care to with that company.
Try... (and this may sound WILD and REVOLUTIONARY,) bringing this up.
Heart to heart... or just, venting.
Something may be gained...
Maybe they'll agree, or be thankful that someone cleared the air.
Maybe they'll be offended.
But atleast you'll have a voice, and an honest reaction from the group.
Give them something to talk about, you bunch of shoe-gazers.
>>676357553
are you me? Cause I'm in the same boat, I'm actually thinking of separating from them but then idk how I would make new friends.
>>676357553
My friend group has a guy we're too nice/afraid he'll kill himself to get rid of. We go to his house because it's near all of ours. He's invited to stuff solely because he's in the group chat where we planned it and he invited himself, or pity. Not saying you're him. Just that he exists.
Lets give an odd example, cause its the first that came to mind.
One time when I was tripping balls on mushrooms, I thought I was caught in a never ending time loop.
Then I realized I had a glass of water.
I had a variable.
So I splashed myself.
Soaked my shirt, soaked the couch... but changed my circumstances.
Crack a few eggs. Try different things.
Maybe bring a game along...
maybe spontaneously demand a road trip, even if it's just down the street, to the store, or halfway to india.
You may find, that even miles away things are the same..
Or, you may find that even before you leave, that the whole of the group shifts it's moods in one way or another.
>>676361116
Listen mate, being baker-acted isn't so bad.
If someone is this much of a deadweight, they may be praying that someone recognizes it, and cares enough to bring them out of their comfort zone.
If they need help, and you all aren't up to it, perhaps it's time to intervene.. meaning, have a one on one with their parents. Let them know you see them in distress, and that their attitude concerns you.
They may feel betrayed that you took away their comfort bubble...
....but same with diabetics when someone takes the cookies away.
It's uncomfortable.. but it is needed.
Humans adapt.. that's what we do.
...and if we don't have changing circumstances, then we never get to see that side of ourselves.
I have various mental disorders
Bipolar disorder
Manic depression
Anxiety etc
Yet I still have friends
But the thing is I get depressive episodes a lot and whenever I do they refuse to talk to me
So I spend them alone
Most kids hate school, but if we never go, we never learn.
We may still hate that we went, but we'll be glad we can tell the time if a pretty girl asks us when we get out of work.
They need the help of the drugs!!
>>676357553
People go out of their way to include me in most things. I don't trust anyone much though because once I got a 9/10 gf it was clear to me they all wanted to fuck her and would've if they'd gotten the chance based on texts she showed me.
Op here
There are times when I do make the effort to be outgoing which I can be, but there times more often than not when I am this outgoing funny person my friends just ignore me or give me weird looks as in "why tf are you talking" this causes me to think everyone I hang out with is low key talking shit. Most of my friends have kids also and I'm the only one in the group who caught a break on that one.
>>676361749
I hear ya, mate.
Bi-polar, borderline, ocd, and acute anxiety.
My advice comes from a place which hopefully we can all understand.
I take anti-psychotics and an SSRI now, but with or without medicines, I would still need to see myself adapt to changes in order to have any self respect.
You and your friends there are no different in that reguard.
And hey, perhaps these aren't gonna be your friends forever..
But what worries you more?
Change? Or present stagnation?
>>676361646
Entirely possible. However, we've been trying to help him for 5 years, and we only recently gave up. We know he is definitely a very sad man, because he will tell us any time he can. He will make every conversation about that fact, say it for no reason, and try to use that to get shit out of us. His parents know and care but he refuses help and shit talks them constantly. Jesus, his life is a mess.
>>676362695
Maybe he is in it for the attention he probably feels neglected most if the time.
I don't like to tell people about it because I know thise vibes can bring the whole room down so I just keep to myself.
>>676362962
I think when he talks about it constantly, tries to use it to get stuff, but won't accept help, we can safely conclude he's an attention whore.
>>676362695
Don't invite him.
If he gets butt hurt, tell him straight up.
And if you're really concerned that he'll take his life out of retribution, then square his ass up with a wellness check from the local police department.
...He may just have a little bit too much wiggle room when it comes to being a sad sack of shit.
You guys gotta make sure that there wont be legal trouble if your buddy claims you guys are the reason in his suicide note..
...and anyone who is that kind of person, really does need the power taken away from them in that respect.
No one should ever have that power over their friends or loved ones.. which sadly does happen.
Things do get out of control sometimes... moods, opinions, etc..
But when it becomes destructive to those around them, is when someone needs to check that attitude in a way that shows concern and also strength andself respect.
They may not have many examples of strength or self respect, or self control... or whatever.
This may save them.
....or atleast, you won't have to invite a little grey rain cloud to your party every time.. like a bunch of suckers.
You guys can't seriously feel like that's been the right move...
The right move is uncomfortable.
...do it anyway, and atleast take back your deserved self respect.
>>676363201
Indeed a snake in the grass
"I can't have you over today. You have to know that we want you to be our friend, but that you have failed us in this respect. Friends don't hold good times hostage to mood swings and incredulity. We want you to be happy, we want you to be well.. and we've had your back.. but enough is enough."
"We will not encourage this miserable funk you're in by inviting it to our groups. Maybe you need help. Maybe you need time. Maybe you just don't like us.. but certainly, something is up."
"Come be our friend anytime, but don't just show up and be a downer, man. It's not good a great situation for any of us. If there's any way we can get you help, please tell us.. maybe you're going through something personal, whatever the case.. we're your friends, but we're not physicians. Check in with me later this week.. or be pissed. Or both. Just be well, man. We'll be here when you're up to chilling."
>>676364427
If they rage, let them rage.
If they hang up, let them hang up.
But by letting them be a little shit, it's only re-enforcing that behavior.
No one benefits from that.
ITT: Social anxiety with no introspection.
Pro-tip: people (as long as they are not trying to act cool) dont give a shit about you, your actions or what you say unless it is really fucked up.
If any of you need to talk, ask for my Skype. I'll give it.
(not just gonna post my skype info in a dead thread though.)
>>676364427
And you need to get your fucking shit together, get a little introspection, your mood affects everyone, and no one wants to hang with a mood-hitler
>>676364887
Some people do care.
That's one jaded opinion you have... and you're more than willing to just project it on others and call it a day... as if you earned it.
So, blow me you grumpy little nigger.
If any of you need help with social shit, just ask me. tried to fit into every social "group" there is. in the end you either find out you are a brainless sheep or you do your own stuff.
>>676365048
Really? Stop beeing so egocentric, go out more and actually speak to people about "not mindless shit". i be you are one of those beta fucks who can't even order at mcDonalds without spilling spaghetti
>>676365048
And the people who do care, are most of the time gigantic self absorbed assholes, who is looking to reinforce themselves by dragging others down.
>>676364976
...You didnt read that post, did you?
You just saw the picture and assumed it was some self absorption.
that post was about talking to a friend who's mood was effecting everyone.
telling a friend that you're concerned about them, but that they can't just shit on your parade every time.. that's being a mood hitler?
Really? I mean, really?
Seriously, even?
>>676364976
So what's your idea of a mood hitler then?
Booze helps, I hear.
>>676365218
Talk to me.
From where I am, and from where all of these comments have come from, I cannot figure how you got these impressions of me.
Help me understand.
Not trolling or any shit.
I've put up the posts that usually have lots of spaces between each line.
Read it over. Am I really somehow comming off as a monster?
This has been me trying to relate to others that, sometimes we gotta step out of our comfort zones... and that sometimes folks fight that so violently that they may be a risk to themselves or others.
How I made that sound like something sinister, I just do not know, man. ..but I'll hear you out.
>>676357553
are you a boring person? if not, fuck them to death ;)
>>676365708
It does help me actually, but i hit a point when I'm drunk and I think I'm being an asshole to people at that point the clouds shrouds my mind and I isolate myself for a while. It doesn't happen every time though.
I see a mood hitler as someone who would force others to assimilate to their mood or face consequence..
...like a friend who's bad mood is so pervasive, that no one is allowed to say or do anything about it.. else they might do something drastic, like hurt themselves or denegrate others
>>676365899
But that's when the fun happens.
People love a good asshole, just have to be funny about it.