Any of you niggers like to steal shit?
post greentext and share your finest tips
>>675340830
Fingertips are useful for shoplifting.
>don't get caught.
>>675341063
haha epic thanks for the XD bro
>>675340830
Holy shit thought that was an old Pic of me at first
>>675341367
you look like a faggot
>>675341918
take that back
>give the cashier money
>he won't stop you.
>be 5 years ago
>be poorfag
>steal, hang with the wrong croud, money all I think about
>steal an expensive thing twice in a row from the same person
>people who know are either to scared to snitch or just won't because they're cool with it
>one time steal laptop from teacher WHILST IN CLASS
>Fuck yeah I'm smooth
>everybody knows except teachers because nobody snitches
>dude from before knows it too, knows I stole his stuff too, too scared to confront me about it
>I can see the pain in his eyes but obviously no fucks given
>teacher gets fired because none of the students talked so they figured the teacher must've done it
>fuckin kid lost like €300 because of me
>>675343079
youre a piece of shit
>>675342584
I've found this one works almost 100% of the time, if you are using a card you can also ask for "cashback" and they give you free money too
>ITT
>>675343510
Stay a poor victim faggot :^)
>17
>Like stealing things because its easy
>Steal 10$ of food
>Nearly past the cashier
>YOU ARE UNDER ARREST
>Literally pee my pants a bit
>Security does some speech about Jesus and shit
>Call dad
>He picks me up
>Never steal again
>Thanks god I was only 17
>>675344046
Had the same thing except I wasn't a faggot and I was 9
>>675342206
Who the fuck are you? I don't mind being called faggot here is basically a /b "hello"
>>675340830
>go to radio shack
>break window
>wait somewhere you can see and learn response time
>come back months later with van or truck
>loot & leave FAST
Never done this, but it's how I would.
have a sneak skill of 100, you criminal scum
>>675344585
Uhm no. Thieves lvl 99. Do you even runescape?
>>675344330
get the fuck out of this thread you bitch ass bitch
>>675340830
I used to steal beer out of garages in middle school. If they were open, had a fridge, it was free game. I'd go around 12-1. Only time I ever got close to getting caught I'd bullshit saying my friend told me he lived there, and to just walk in through the garage.
>>675340830
for the past two years ive been picking and stealing padlocks, nothing else just the padlocks
>>675345341
This escalated into highschool and we'd steal golf clubs, bikes, etc. (lived in a pretty wealthy area) Once my friend grabbed some clubs, and when we went back to the car this guy was outside the car freaking out.
>>675340830
target is easy as fuck to steal from especially ifit has a connection to a mall. just walk into the mall with your shit and dont look back. act likes its anyother day
>>675345575
>"get in the car and pull into driveway"
>"I'm going to call the police"
>get in car
>friend turns car on
>friend starts driving away
>guy jumps and attempts to hang on the car
>idiot
>falls off
>somehow managed to drop phone battery in windshield wipers
>cops probably weren't called until later
>in local paper, never got in trouble
>>675346072
Pretty much stopped after that. I've stolen a shit ton of bottles from safeway, but stopped that as well. Also jacked some weed plants a few times. It's best to just stop while you're ahead and become a contributing member of society. Take it from somebody who knows both worlds.
>>675345341
12-1 in the afternoon to specify. Midnight is shady and obvious. Best to hide in plain sight.
>>675345787
Target loss prevention doesn't fuck around, they'll tackle you down.
Don't follow this anons advice, he's trying to screw people over.
I have a job, why should I steal and risk going to hell?
>>675345487
i do it because nobody steals padlocks, there is no reason too, its kinda fucking hilarious
>>675340830
No, because im not a nigger.
>>675345278
hahaha what a pussy
>>675345487
>picking
Shimming, or actual picking?
>>675347664
actual picking, i have a southord set of 20 picks, i use the locks i steal as practice
used to steal lots as a kid, heres 2 of my best scores:
>canada fag, 16
>unusually hot summer
>canadian tire selling in ground pools for a thousand bucks
>obviously cant afford
>night before cut hole in fence outside the greenhouse ( was attached to the main store )
>go with 4 friends
>carry the pool outside and stash it behind greenhouse
>come back at 1am
>load up pool into pickup
>20ft pool in my yard all summer
also
>also 16
>big into snowboarding
>go into a snowboard shop to get my board serviced (sharpened and waxed)
>bring my snowboard in a snowboard bag
>lay bag on floor, take my board out, give to employee
>goes back to service my board
>picked out 4 snowboards worth 800 - 1000$ and lay them on the floor
>slide them into my empty board bag
>when my board was finished being serviced i slid it into the bag with the others
>paid at front counter and walked out
>no suspicion because i came in with bag
>sold the boards over the course of the winter for about 3000$
now im 25 and im ashamed i was such a little shit
Dogs are always right
>>675343747
Why did this make me kek?
>>675343787
This happened to a neighborhood my Bros gf lived in
>>675340830
I don't do it, since I have money. But (purely for academic/hypothetical purposes) I suppose I can say some things.
Don't lift from small stores, like a 7-11 or the KwikiMart or whatever. You're more visible and there are fewer blind spots. You're practically always in front of the clerk or a camera. Target larger stores like Wal-Mart and Target- it's easier to hide and the employees probably do it themselves. If you're lifting food and drinks, it typically doesn't have tags, so just tuck it into a pocket.
If you lift but have money, cram some items into your pockets and then pay for a few cheap things, avoiding suspicion on your way out the door.
If you lift clothes, take multiple articles into the changeroom. Wear what you intend to steal after removing its RFID tags, under whatever you came in. Place the empty hangers between the full ones and return items to their rack. This obviously won't work in places where the employees take things back for you.
Lastly, avoid obvious red flags like carrying a large, semi-empty bag or wearing a lot of bulky clothes. Leather coats do nicely in winter for men, and women can stuff smaller items into their bras. You can also put things into your socks and shoes or boots, under your tongue, or, classically, in your underpants.
My best score was a bike that was worth like 4 g's It had a carbon fiber frame and was custom made by some famous designer. Sold it for 600 to a buddy.
>>675347976
How long does it take you on average?
>be 5
>steal eraser from school
>hide it under dining table at grandpa's house
>thefear.Jpg
>grandpa finds it. Shit shit shit
>is this your rubber anon?
>spaghetti goes everywhere
>never stole for another 10 years
>>675348580
Garagefag here btw
This summer i stold $400 from a tent shop's owner, i bougth some $15 shit and the old man was busy looking forma change forma me. I was un cusco, Perú. Nobody see nothing.
Pic some what related
>>675348625
it depends on the lock,
if its a master no. 1 or 3 about 30 seconds
if its some cheap ass china lock, instantly
if its an american or BEST lock, shove a rake in and hope to get lucky cause i have no chance with single pin picking
>be in second grade on excursion
>walk past an untended table of a merchant who sells yu gi oh cards
>take 5 decks each with my friends
>get exodia all god cards and tons of other good shit
>never actually play yu-gi-oh
I still have those cards to this day
>>675343079
have you ever asked yourself why your life is complete shit?
>>675347447
What anime that pic from?
>me be
>8 years old
>friend brags about shoplifting
>so many snickers bars and cokes
>fuckit.jpg
>go into bodega
>tell dominican guy to get me a pack of batteries behind him
>quickly stuff a few snickers into my pocket when he turns around
>not quick enough
>dominican goes apeshit
>takes me by my arm and drags me out back
>spanks me
>go home
>shame.bmp
>dad gets home later
>dominican guy told him what happened
>dad is pissed
>sides with dominican guy
>spanks me even worse than the dominican
>went to bed no dinner
and thus ended my brief criminal career
![maxresdefault[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/6ZqY7x4.jpg "maxresdefault[1].jpg")
Just hearts.
>Be me, around 9 or 10 years old.
>Parents give me a toonie for allowance
>Walk up to the Tim Horton's to buy a 20 pack of Timbits because they used to be cheap back in the day and baked on premises which made them fucking delicious.
>Have the Toonie in my pocket.
>Order the Timbits. (No plain please)
>Walk out with order.
>Realized I still have the Toonie when I get home and that I totally forgot to pay in the early Sunday morning rush.
>Feel terrible about it for the past 20 years.
>>675346876
Whether it's one sin or over 9000 sins, you're going to hell either way.
>>675349041
sell them idiot
Eat a crayon cunt
Fak u newfag
>>675349356
Kek
Things I've stolen
> from smoke shop ( idiots work their)
> bong valued at $300
> 2 dab rigs with all the pieces valued $400
> clothes I've stolen
> 4 shorts valued 150
> 3 button down Oxfords valued 60-90 a piece
Have also stolen other small shit like liquor and what not many times
Why do u want/need to steal OP? I have stolen 50K in video games in last 10 months from Target/walmart, multiple stores, lp 'caught' me at 2 stores but were obvious so I walked through store and dumped items before walking out so dunno about them tackling you, but you can make a s3 key for target/walmart cases. Just gotta have ginormous balls of steal to commit. I did it to not be homeless and stopped once back on my feet but just wondering your deal.
>>675349641
If you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing
>>675346876
because hell is an impossible reality to believe in. you have a better chance of becoming a star after you die. I only say that because stars actually exist.
>>675349906
>balls of steal
I hope that was a pun and not a typo.
>be me 13
>go to local shop on the way to school
>confectionery aisle nowhere near cashiers or cameras
>shove chocolate bars and shit in blazer inside pockets
>go to cashier pay for like £2 worth of sweets
>walk out with over £15 worth of shit
>sell it at school to the lower years who weren't allowed to leave the school site at lunch
>repeat process at lunch as well, sell to others in my class who don't have passes to leave the site
Only 2 of my mates ever knew of my enterprise, made some sweet cash on it
>>675349800
i doubt anyone would buy them and if they do its not going to cost much
>Be me, 12 years old
>Go to the store with my mother
>She puts some shit in the basket and i grab a huge bag of corn puffs, the size of my body
>I walk around the store hugging it
>Time to pay
>Mother starts to unload basket
>I still hold my corn puffs without even noticing it
>Cashier doesnt notice
>Mother doesnt notice
>She pays and we walk back home
>2 hours later realized that i am a god of stealing
>>675350475
http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/262334392477?lpid=82&chn=ps&ul_noapp=true
>>675350773
ill look into it. Thanks ,fam
>at walmart
>looking at razer naga
>notice the spiderwire security device
>it slides right off the top
>grab the box and bring it to an isle where its empty
>It put it deep in the shelf to make it look like Im looking at another product.
>open box and take only the naga and stuff it in my pocket
>stuff the rest of the box behind items on the shelf
By the time the employees would find the box with the mouse missing, it would be too late and they wont give a shit.
>pic related
>>675350228
Lol didn't think anyone would pick up on that haha
the only thing i stole was my dads virginity
here's my best score. Not shoplifting, but stealing nonetheless:
>be me, 21
>new gf, last gf made me go pretty much broke
>wanna give the new gf nice things for xmas
>ex gf still texts me sometimes, I go along with it just in case I need her for something
>sure enough, she asks me if I can take care of her dog while she visits fam
>hard no, bitch
>she gets someone else to watch her dog, but now I know when she’s not gonna be home
>go over to her apartment the night she’s supposed to leave
>her garage opens up
>wtf shit shit shit shit
>i hide between some cars
>she drives off to the airport, garage closing behind her, she doesn’t see me
>fuck yes, I haul ass into her garage as the door is closing
>indianajones.png
>I now have access to everything in her apartment
>rob this fucking cunt blind
>steal over 200 dvd’s
>her laptop (had nudes on it too)
>about $500 in cash
>some important documents (social security card, tax info, family crap, etc) - that went in the trash
>about a half pound pound of pot (guessing she was holding for her new fuckboi)
>jewelry, including the engagement ring her precious ex had tried to give her
>some fancy clothes i knew she’d miss - into the trash as well
>and finally, the designer purses she treasured
>carried it out the front fucking door, straight into my car
>gave purses to new gf, new gf’s mom, and gf’s sister
>ex called me a week later saying she got robbed and boohoo she needs help
>hung up on her, went over to the new gf’s to get laid, since it was now a regular thing since I was such a rockstar for xmas
>shiteatinggrin.exe
>>675351168
Get out of here time traveller.
>>675340830
At work. Surfin' 4chan for four hours.
effectively robbing 120$ from my employer (federal) every day.
Fuck your stealing of cheap booze and clothing. You have nothing on me.
>Be me, 19
>Want to make pizza
>Go to walmart
>Grab a bunch of pizza ingredients
>Oh, almost forgot tomato sauce
>Holy shit, its like $2 for a tiny bitch-ass can
>Put 1 can into basket, carry the other one in my hand
>Walk around with it for like 10 minutes, gotta wait till surveillance stops noticing me
>Find a nice spot with no people or cameras
>Slide the can into my pocket
>Aw yiss
>Pay for my shit, exit the store
>Feel absolutely badass
>Make a delicious pizza
Thats how i stole me some tomato sauce.
>>675351402
And your employer steals billions from everyone every year, so you have nothing on it.
>>675351546
Yeh, we're a great team.
I think I can have a nice life in the federal bizz.
>>675343924
I'm not the guy you just replied to, but i'd honestly break your fucking arms if you stole shit from me mate, fucking thieving scruffy cunt. You're probably that one white kid who complimented a niggers Jordan's once and got accepted into the nigger gang. Fag.
>>675351402
Is the point of stealing not to get a material gain? You are simply frauding you employer of $120. I crap for 20 minutes a day at work. Wasting $100 a week
I still shit all the time, gums, ligthers, candels basiclly anything that costs more then i think it should. Last yhing i stole is Glade car scent. Thats shit is like 10 bucks, for fucking what? A scent that last 10 days. Fu, im stealing it.
>>675349855
>idiots
>their
>>675340830
>work at a grocery store that happens to have a key to alot of those spider wraps that walmart uses
>go into walmart get 250$ router some games and an antivirus cuz why the fuck not
>alarm at door goes off and crusty old lady at the door starts following me out
>tells me to come back
>walk to my car and drive away
walmart is the shit
>>675351517
>Doesn't just pay a couples of bucks for a shitty Tostinos pizza
>>675352741
i have plenty more if anybody wants me to type them out im klepto
>>675352854
>im klepto
Actually klepto, or you're just a degenerate who likes to steal shit?
>>675352854
requesting, pls
>>675351335
You magnificent bastard you
>>675353071
Really???? cmon
>>675352607
Types like a nigger and steals like a nigger... checks out
>>675352398
Oh, I crap as well.
And also have long lunches. And frivolous meetings. And coffee breaks.
What am I even doing? I even deliver all my projects on time.
Sometimes I wonder what the fuck the other people in my office are doing. We're completing pretty much the same amount of cases. Are the other people here idiots? Or are we all just doing the bare minimum to get by?
>>675352741
Kekkled
>>675352854
Type you fucking catfish
stole his virginity
>>675353428
>Or are we all just doing the bare minimum to get by?
You work for the federal government, what do you think?
>>675352607
Finally someone who understands. I usually steal 10 lighters at once because they are in an isle where no one goes. They're in this plastic but its very easy to open quick. I stuff the plastic behind some items in the isle
ton of phone cases from Walmart. just goto the toy section rip packaging off and put it on your phone. walk out ez. bracelets, wear long sleeves and wear bracelet out the door. Walmart is super ez to take from because they don't have cameras watching every isle. and not enough employees to keep track of what goes out the door.
>>675343079
This is completely made up
>>675353428
Ah man meetings, i joined a load of stupid committees and development groups to develop the company. But I'm a designer. I turn up to these bullshit meetings, sit at the back drawing or writing stupid notes, back to my desk, sorry boss was at a business development meeting there.
>>675349616
Fucking Canada memes
Wtf? Im reading these anons stories and not one of the shops described have those beeper things at either side of the enterance.
See pic
>>675354539
never take whole boxes. don't just stuff like a whole entire package in your bag, or pocket. they don't put those beeper tags on the merchandise. just on the packaging
>>675354919
where are her nostrils
>13
>dumb af socially awkward teenagee, basically only have 1 friend with whom i hang out everyday
>move to a new house, get to know that the neigbbors' son goes to the same school i attend
>his parents are never home and he has all the cool toys and videogames because they try to make up for it
>also has a wallet full of cash he always brsgs about
>one day he shows it to me
>ask him if my friend could come over to play hide and seek
>"So you wanna go play in the garden downstairs anon?"
>"nah lets just play in the house, its big enough"
>Me and best friend take turns taking money while rich kid hides
>this goes on for a month, every few days we get some money, he had money coming out of his fuckin ass
>one day playing hide and seek i decide to step it up
>steal ipod
>go home and pretend i found it on the street
>start avoiding rich kid more and more
>one day i go to his parent's shop to pick up something for my mom
>get accused of stealing, deny everything
>go home, throw the ipod in the garbage and keep crying for a week without going to school
>fast foward 5 years
>in the meantime i moved pretty far away from hometown
>check facebook notifications
>rich kid wants to be your friend
>chuckle as i refuse his friend request, cant help to feel like a piece of shit cause i didnt even need the fucking thing
>4 year old white boy in the US.
>see colorful candy in checkout lane.
>Mom wont buy me any.
>I pocket it and walk out with no problem.
>Get home.
>Crawl under my bed.
>Eat my stolen candy gum in peace.
>Feel bad and dirty about it.
>Never steal anything again.
>Learn my lesson, 4yo me is able to understand this.
>Decide to be a civilized white person for the rest of my life.
>>675346740
If you get tackled and have some proof then you should be able to sue the company or the security guard.
Dirty little secret is that security guards at stores are 200% NOT ALLOWED to touch customers and would be fired for it. Managers just look the other way because it catches shoplifters and makes their numbers better. It's pretty douchey to go through with a suit though because most likely the company will say, "Oh that's against policy" and then the guard will get sodomized.
>>675355484
Damn those fruit strips look good
>>675355549
I didn't know you could steal genital warts.
>>675340830
>start work at a drug store
>notice the registers activate greendot cards before the transaction "posts" to the server
>scan green dot card, do sale for $50.
>press [total]
>machine activates card
>power down the machine and reboot it
>card works just fine
>over the next two years activate $2-400 a day on greendot cards per day.
>go to work one day.
>scan card, hit total, nothing happens.
>void transaction and walk away from it all
>find out from the store manager that another store manager got caught activating Visas exactly like I was doing for $3k-10k each.
>only reason they caught him was because the cards were activated for more than $500 in violation of money laundering laws.
was with my mom and forgot to give the pack of zoo pals plates i was holding to the cashier
still feel bad 14 years later
>>regularly steal from Whole Foods
>>Because its overpriced
>>buy at least as much as I steal
>>mostly sushi and hot food, also granola bars
>>also "steal" bulk sprouted almonds by labeling them as normal almonds (20$/lb to $8/lb difference)
>>never been caught (yet)
also i am not a nigger, nor am i unemployed. I just have a long history of being a klepto. I am also invredibly cynical and self entitled and think i should eat expensive sprouted almonds and sushi and not pay such exorbant prices. been doinng this regularly 3-5x a week for 5 months
I wear a jacket nearly all the time, and usually steal whatever can fit up my jacket sleeves.
Thievy sleeves. Hasn't failed yet.
Also, shoving items into the underwear has never failed
>Isle: 5 matches
>Aisle: 1 match
come on now
I used to steal WoW monthly cards , was the best
>>675352741
nice man
well u work in geocery store so ndb right? underpaid as fuck.
Be 10-12ish mom works at dollar store, would open the top of hockey cards and tell my mom some one opened them and they cant sell them anymore =free cards, stole many balloons from them too, smart thieve
>>675356738
but don't the cards have to be activated at the register for this to work?
Work for company that uses thick 8 foot aluminum rails. Most get cut in half and thrown in recycling bin. Realize clean aluminum wirth lots of $$$
Ask boss one day, "can I have a few? I want to make an artsy coffee table"
"That sounds stupid but sure."
Boss leaves.
Start taking a few pieces a day. "Boss said I could have them" no one bats an eye.
Only take pieces when boss not around. Take tons, so much going out hardly make dent
Every 90 days I borrow a company full sized box truck on the weekends and unload aluminum at recycling center. They pay more because it's clean aluminum.
$5000 four times a year.
Spend cash on tits and bourbon.
No bills no debt
>be me
>used to steal shit all the time from Wal-Mart
>like fucking weekly
>magic cards, headphones, drinks, food
>get cocky as fuck
>me and best friend go into Wal-Mart because my headphones just fucked up and I need new pair
>get pair of headphones and rip them open in the middle of an aisle with a pair of garden shears
>steal schindler's list dvd for mother
>remember i need a new comb and toothbrush, steal these as well
>on the way out get stopped by plain-clothes security guard
>fuck.bmp
>get taken to back of store, am 19 at the time but don't give a shit because I highly doubt they're calling the cops for this stupid shit
>get headphones and dvd confiscated, am told to leave store for 24 hours
>kek, didn't get the comb or toothbrush faggots
>become friends with security guard for a while, cool fucking guy, caught a homeless woman stealing food once and bought her lunch
I stopped stealing for the most part after that because of the real possibility of being arrested, and I also got a job. I still occasionally get food from the deli and walk through the store while eating it and throwing random bullshit into my cart, then acting all flustered like I forgot my wallet and walk out while just leaving the cart in a random aisle. Hasn't failed me yet and free food tastes really good.
>be 22
>get job at retirement home
>work there the best to gain trust
>new faggot arives
>works in a other part than me
>start stealing money and shit where he works
>faggot gets fired
>mfw he got fired for stealing
DidntdoNuffin
>>675357581
I want to believe
>>675344848
lmao not having 120 casual scum
>>675358198
Well don't. Any company buying/using aluminum like that knows what the stuff is worth and scraps it themselves.
And aluminum is not worth THAT much. You'd need like 10,000 pounds to get $5,000
I doubt he took 5 tons of aluminum
>>675344046
lol
>security
>under arrest
>>675340830
>be 15
>local stores security cameras are out
>there is now a lot of people stealing from there
>every day i'd go in and steal alcohol from there and sell it to people I knew
>Made like $700 from that store until they got their cameras fixed
>never shoplifted again after that
the end
>>675358198
I'm a little skeptical as well only because I'd think people know the value of recyclable goods nowadays. A while back my uncle was telling me he used to do similarly back in the day; his boss would tell him to load up scrap and take the company truck over to the junkyard, and the boss let him keep whatever they paid. When my uncle was talking about this he also mentioned how the prices of scrap metal were way fucking lower today than they were when he was taking it to the junkyard, so I'm thinking the story is pretty old.
I stole panties from my best friend's mom and from my dungeon and dragon game master's sister :^)
>>675359107
You think they would realize people would steal.
>>675358795
>Playing RS3
>be 14
>dad takes me with him to steal a christmas tree
>from some field I dunno
>faggots let you chop your own tree for a fee
>dad felt like they riped him off
>drive to a fence
>tell dad I never have stolen something
>he laughs at my faggot ass
>cash the tree
best moments with dad are grinch like
fucking christmas
Not poor or a nigger so no I don't.
>>675359255
They did, they started trying to question everyone who left without buying shit. Even before the first time I stole shit from there I went in almost daily and bought a couple of things, so I just continued my routine just with stolen shit in my backpack, never got questioned
>>675359209
weeabo detected
>>675359209
Fuckin nerd
