20/m
I have nowhere else to turn to.
I'm going on a trip to another state in a couple days, but I may sacrifice someone else's happiness for my own.
Here's the story:
I've recently gotten out of a relationship with a girl who is very depressed, but who is an exceptional partner in a relationship setting.
She is very troubled, so her insecurities became my own insecurities. I became paranoid about every little thing she did, due to her depression making her act distant and shady.
Well, she ended up taking a trip with a group of friends up north to a snowy/wooded area so she could "find herself" and after weeks of emotional despair, falling in and out of each other's lives and arguing, she claimed that the only male in their group of four had had sex with her whilst she was drunk and asleep.
We started hooking up again, weeks later and for a few nights after we'd have really great sex, she would cry and say that she hates herself for what happened and swore up and down that it wasn't intentional. I don't believe her; we argued about it one day and she defended this guy's confidence and ability to get laid all the time, which made me question her "lack of consent". she always orgasms intensely upon our intimacy, and claims I am the best partner she has ever had, is she disarming me with that?
My paranoia with her and the guy was correct, so I believe my distrust is justified.
Well, we had a falling out again and I recently began talking to an old friend of mine who lives out of state; a girl, who invited me to visit her. i'll be gone for a week. That ex and I fell back together again after some time(without the title, but with the sex and affections. The title is out of the picture because my friends were the ones who warned me about the guy who fooled around with her.) and she will excommunicate me if I leave. I do love her, but I also wanna get out of my box and visit another state. I hate displeasing people. What should I do? Am I a bad person?
I know I'm going out on a limb here, but some genuine advice would be appreciated, /b/rothers and sisters. This is my first time visiting 4chan in a year.
-OP
Lack of consent is a ridiculous excuse, she cheated on you, plain and simple. Simply hanging on to a whipping boy is what she was doing. She fucked around on you and played you like a fiddle because she knew she could. Move on.
Will post some art I've saved.
>>674665658
Fuck your old friend, then try to get back with your girlfriend. If yes, you're even and your relationship has withstood major struggles. If not, keep doing your old friend. Also, dropping your gf is a viable action in any of these scenarios as uou hold no obligation to her happiness, but you do to your own
>>674666303
I've considered, but she is suicidal and I myself have struggled (but overcome) depression.
I might be making hers worse, so cutting her off would be good for both of us?
Thank you.
>>674666689
That might be the best you can do.
>>674666689
I think its good for both of you to stand on your own two feet. Co-dependence never makes for a great relationship and absolutely not a great relationship ending. There's absolutely no way I'd listen to a woman who said she was raped while dating me and hid it from me. Who knows what else she's hiding? It just sounds like a BS story to me, she's looking to better deal you but the sex was lousy with homeboy.
I actually had a pretty similar experience. I have to keep it to the point, I'm busy rn, but I'll say that I was the guy that decided to stay.
She did it again, same story. "Lack of consent" my ass. It ruined me, I really loved her. I really, really loved her. Get out. Explore, do shit. NEVER let a single woman or any person for that matter hold you back from meeting new people and exploring the world. I also missed going to London because she couldn't go and I regret it with all of my heart.
Leave her and go out of state, you'll be glad you went out on an adventure instead of tormenting yourself at "home" with her.
>>674666448
That is a huge possibility. I'm considering fucking my old friend for sure, I'm just not a spiteful person. (although honestly, It would be with vengeance. fuckthatshit)
Knowing the old girlfriend, she would accept me with open arms. I'm a bluntly honest person and telling her straight up is better than hiding it. Cheating is a dealbreaker for me, usually. She just makes it seem like it was a huge mistake yada-yada... I am definitely going on the trip, so we'll see what happens. Thank you.
>>674667052
It really seems like it, at this point. Thank you.
>>674667059
I'd like to think we weren't co-dependent, but looking back, we were and still are. It's unhealthy and neither of us has room to grow.
I still don't believe what she says about her lack of consent. She regrets her choice, she does feel bad, but I knew and know her intentions subconsciously it seems... or else I wouldn't be so hung up about it.
I may just break it off after this trip. Thank you.
>>674665658
You know you do burn down your house and kill the both of you
>>674667778
I know it can be hard, but it's the best thing. Both for her, and for you, specially you.
>>674667469
Ah, I was hoping for something like this.
I'm glad you've been in a similar situation (well, I'm not glad, in fact I am extremely sorry because that shit sucks.) but your experiences serve a huge purpose. Thank you, I will heed your advice and I am sorry. I hope you're doing well, now, though, bro.
>>674668229
Everybody wins! Or.... loses?
>>674668394
You're right. Gotta deal with it at some point, better now that later on, when there have been more instances. Thank you so much