Ask a guy who ran into a trap at a St. Patrick's Day party

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Ask a guy who ran into a trap at a St. Patrick's Day party last night anything.

>Be me at a dorm party about 2 hours ago
>Doing Jaeger bombs and fireball shots like theres no tomorrow
>Party ends up going across the street to college housing area
>Whole fucking block party going on
>WOOHOO
>Start to feel that need to black out
>Ok ok ok gotta sober up its still kinda early
>Force myself to throw up in the bathroom
>Sit on some random couch
>Then this little cutie sits up next to me
>"Too much to drink?"
>yeah I need to relax if I'm gonna keep going
>Gets on me and starts making out
>Alcohol can't control so I go into it
>Some of my buds are eye brow raising me but whatever I don't care
>Most of the people in the area are fucking drunk anyways
>Last thing I remember was some guy screaming "THIRSTY THURSDAY!!"
>Next thing I know I'm in my dorm room ontop of this girl trying to fuck her
>Proceed to go towards pantsu ready to go full balls deep
>Think I'm grabbing my own cock
>Where the fuck is your vag?
>"Huh?"
>Sliding pantsu and I don't see a vag
>Vison somewhat blurry
>Oh fuck MUST RESIST PASSING OUT
>End up pushing my penor into a wall of flesh
>Giggling
>Thats your vag wall I'm hitting right
>"hehe no silly! hold on"
>Now "it" Grabs me and tries to guide me elsewhere
>Wait so I wasn't grabbing myself...?
>"Get in me I'm dripping anyways"
>WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE
>Beer goggles start to clear up
>HOLY SHIT!!!
>"WHAT!?!? WHATS WRONG BABE????"
>YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE!!!!!
>"What?!??!"
>GET OUT GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!!
>It ends up pulling up her pantsu and runs out my room
>Look at phone 2 hours have passed by

Now I'm here talking to you guys. I'm scared /b/