Alright /b/ros. Teach me how to pass a piss test so i can keep smoking.
>>674335558
Stop smoking
>>674335558
just piss into your hand and let it drain into the cup, works every time.
>>674335558
Don't be a faggot
>>674335682
>so i can keep smoking
>stop smoking
your logic is infallible anon.
>>674335682
This.
You're a retard OP
>>674335780
Legit?
>>674335968
I already knew that, silly.
>>674335558
google synthetic urine
>>674335987
No you dumb cunt
>>674336120
thought about it before actually, im just worried that they can tell the difference
>>674335987
yeah you just have to hold your hand like AGAINST your dick when you do it and piss really hard.
>>674335780
>>674335558
Time until test?
>>674336265
They are not supposed to give you shit about it or question it. Why do you have to DT?
>>674336389
they do it randomly, usually once a week but no guarantees
>>674336328
No, into the cup, not into your mouth.
Get a friend who does not have THC/other drugs in their system. Have them piss into a container.
Purchase a travel shampoo plastic container from your local grocery store. Store urine in the container. Wear extremely tight compression shorts. Put the urine container underneath/to the side of your ballsack to retain the body temperature...
I'm pretty sure you can do the rest. Just be fucking quiet because it's oddly loud.
>>674336265
worked twice for me 2 years ago. They even sent the second one out to a lab.
How much does fake piss usually cost
>>674336487
got some charges and my PO said it would look good if i did this program. the program does the tests and they report to my PO
Piss into these dubs
>>674337178
Op here, nice try faggot.
Dont smoke for at least a week before, if not more. Go to the gym. Go to the sauna. Sweat a lot. Drink plenty of water, but not so much that you just piss straight water.
>>674335558
Stop smoke bart I am piss.
>>674335558
Take $80 to your local smoke shop and but ready clean dumbass and get the one with the warmer
>>674336565
Smoke yourself high as a kite, then drink until you puke. That will saturate your THC receptors in your body and flush it out. After a night's sleep, the freshly unbound THC receptors will scoop up any remaining THC. You'll end fresh as a lettuce.
>>674337632
Trips BOOM!!!
>>674337399
>>674336614
I've been clean for over 2 weeks now, could i just pee in a cup and use that next time they test? only problem is keeping it the right temp, but doesnt it cool down in the bottle?
>>674335558
if its a cheap dip stick test for a shitty job, the cleanse drinks have never failed me
>>674337861
I wish! Nah, if i fail I could be put in for possession.
DEAREST OP!!!
I had a close friend have to take a piss test for a new job, sadly ..... Itll still take a bit but if you have time you need to detox, and drink 5-8 litres of water a day, just fucking bomb your body with water, wake up scull a few glasses, lunch and a few glasses, just whenever you can get that shit in you, your body will flush substantially and within 2 weeks you can clear the test, he was a solid 3-4gs a day and he managed to stop smoking for a fortnight and loaded up on water, best shot if you cant get clean piss from darknet
1. Find a suitable donor
2. Get them to pee in a bottle; refridgerate if it's going to be more than a few hours
3. Go to wal-mart and get a travel shampoo bottle and a pack of those hand-warmer things
4. When you're ready to head to the clinic, transfer the urine into your travel shampoo bottle. Make a very hot cup of water (it's best to have something insulated ie a thermos), and transport the bottle in the hot water.
5. When you're in the parking lot get the hand warmers ready and stow them with the sample in your underwear
6. The rest is easy, dont spill it though i did that once
Where I live most smoke shops sell fake urine specifically for this reason. I passed many drug test with this method.
>>674337705
I don't know enough about you to tell accurately. Storing urine is risky. Frankly I would find someone who just doesn't smoke, acquire urine the day of your test and go from there.
You would be shocked how warm it remains just being pressed against your balls/thigh.
>>674337861
<meanwhile in the lab
>oi mike, the new guy is yet another pothead, this time a snake oil chugger
>y' know we aren't paid enough to be arsed with that do you?
>fair enough, let's pass 'im
>>674338113
Definitely gonna keep up the water intake, thanks anons. And ill try out some of the detox drinks as well to see if they work. Luckily im in pretty alright shape and having been clean for a bit I dont think i need to be too worried.
/thread.
>>674335558
Try not smoking weed you fucking child
This Shit.
I get some clean piss and fill my mouth with it about 5-10 minutes before the test. works
>>674335558
drink constant water (at least 2-3 liters) until piss is completely clear then maintain this until piss test. Also drink cranberry juice as it clears your system out.
>>674338763
Try to keep scrolling when you see a thread about drugs and you're one of those old school faggots that sucked the cock of the propaganda beast and think the only crutch they need is alcohol and cigs, go fucking beat up your woman and watch a footy match you fucking twat
>>674338113
>having to pay for clean piss, to the extent of having to recur to the darknet
>being such a pothead that all your acquaintances and your acquaintances' acquaintances are potheads
>>674336565
Is this i the case just give it up or find another job, if you can't do that then you have a serious drug problem you pothead.
>>674335558
>weed's not addictive, goys
>>674339162
Ok faggot
1. Never bought piss on the internet just remember seeing it for sale on there
B. Barely smoke anymore, none of my friends touch the shit, im not the one in OPs predicament, just offering advice
X. Go fuck yourself you straight edge fucking wankstain, your the reason us peaceful pot smokers have to resort to shady circumstances to bypass your bullshit just because you think pot heads are some kind of fucked individual, and not like the average drinker or ciggie but brain. You are the cancer
>>674335558
I pasted a test by telling them I was on anti-depressants. Google anti-depressants and find one that shows up as weed.
>>674335558
get a non-pleb job
Heres how
-grow up and stop smoking weed
Profit?
>>674335558
how much time do you have?
>>674335558
look, if you got a couple weeks then stop now, start running every day for half an hour to an hour, go on a veggie and fruit diet only and drink a gallon of water every day. on the day you have to take the test look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how much of a faggot you are you weak minded cunt.
>>674336945
Then don't do the program? I mean was it a simple posseion charge? If anything it's weak af, and if they aren't already testing you just forget about and wait for your court date. Depending on your states stance it prob won't be anything but community service and a charge in your record or worst probation (doubt it)
Most I had to do was visit a program for 2 hours for a week or so.
Source. Two weed misdemeanors.
>>674338113
>fortnight
Who da fuck uses that term anymore.
>>674336945
My bad what other charges? How fucked are you?
>>674335558
Swish your piss in your mouth then spit it in the cup 10/10 totally legit
>>674338113
Your friend really smoked 3-4grams a day? Shittttt
And I thought I couldn't get anymore higher off 1 gram, I would cop a half o and smoke a gram or less a day.
>>674343046
Haha yeah he was fucking flat out, nah you always hit the ceiling with weed and you cant feel the bern after a couple of cones, he was just one of those black holes that wasted the shit and spent too much money on it, and a shit person to get over, he'd either smoke most of ya shit or walk out with a lighter. Nice dude though just got stuck in a rut and used and abused weed
>>674342134
People that were educated i guess, you and most of your friends must be drop kicks if the term fortnight aggravates you. An easy way to specify two weeks without wasting all that time on extra syllables and a whole extra word to write. Thats ok stupid is what stupid does ...
>>674335558
u should really just post more pics like this
>>674335558
Alright faggot listen up, i'm only posting once.
This is the method i've been using to pass a DT every 2 weeks for the last 1.5 years.
Knowledge is your biggest advantage.
First and foremost, cut back as much as possible. Its about how bad you want to pass, not how bored you are. I'm talking damn near stop that shit, never smoke more than 1-2 hits in a sitting, and never more than a bowls worth in a day. If you dont get lit off 1-2 hits you're doing it wrong anyway, hold that shit in longer and/or let your tolerance come down while you're on hiatus.
Congratulations fuck face, you just did the hardest part.
Phase II is preparation for the actual test. Like i've said before, the more you know the better off you are.
First, understand why you fail a test. They can only detect thc metabolites if the concentration is more than 50 ng/mL. (15ng/mL if its a lab test).
This means that if you want to pass, you have to decrease the ratio of thc : fluid in your system until its below that threshold.
pt. 1/2
only drink water.
drink a 'carbo 32' 3 hours before test (available at gnc)
drink more water
piss
sweat, water water water
drink apple juice before test so you're piss is yellow
>>674337320
Nice thumbnail dipshit
>>674337699
Fucking newfag
Wow, this thread.
>Drink lots of water
Are you 15?
>Buy piss from a friend
This is fucking stupid
>Stop smoking
Awesome.
OP, there is an over-the-counter stack you can buy at ANY vitamin store that will flush ALL the weed in your system within 72 hours of a drug test. But it would be irresponsible to tell you what it is though, so good luck bro.
Fun fact: THC is stored in fat, working out actually HURTS your chances of passing.
Use a turkey baster to squirt bleach up your dickhole
>>674338449
This
Except use a hand warmer too.
>>674344789
pt 2/2
There are two ways of achieving this, either decrease the amount of thc in your body by slowing/stopping the ganj (fuck that), or increasing the quantity of fluids so that you're so diluted they can no longer detect at the standard threshold. Here's how thats done:
>buy a bottle of time-released niacin. Many people swear that niacin in large quantites alone will get you to pass. Thats total bullshit, you're only going to destroy your body. The natural purpose of niacin in the body is to help replace the water in your cells with newer water, flushing out the toxins that build up over time. Every cell in your body has the metabolites they test for in them. Your goal is to make sure you expel all of that old, nasty thc-rich cell water DAYS before your test. Drink a fuck ton of water, im talking a gallon or two a day. Your piss should be clearer than 9/11 being an inside job.
>Day of the test, stop with niacin, but keep chugging water
Niacin will only flush out more of the toxins you want to leave out. Water'll do the trick from here on in.
Piss 3-4 times before your test, you should still be crystal clear.
Lastly, when you take the test, give them the middle part of your stream. The first and last 15% is the most concentrated, but at this point youre going to be so diluted its not going to matter.
Congrats you worthless stoner, you passed your test.
>>674346444
I did a trips, now you have to use my idea
>>674346444
Trips of truth
>>674335558
You should dilute by drinking lots of water. Take niacin time release. Take woke b vitamins for color. lAST AND MOST IMPORTANT go get creating from a gnu. Take like 1.25 g per Kg of body weight. This way when they test if you diluted by drinking... There is enough creating to say you aren't
This shit is why the lab I run has switched to taking every 5th person tested an switching it to hair. We advertise this to employers and have gotten quite a bit of business because of it. Keep being retarded Op.
>>674335875
If you're going to smoke weed, at least try to act like you have a brain.
Learn definitions of words before you use them.
>>674347397
Sorry on phone. You NEED creatin it's a workout powder. Get it from gnc. If your test ends up in a lab doing gas spectrum chromotography ( or w/e) they test for dilution and this beats it
