>ITT Things you think only you do.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>ITT
Things you think only you do.
>>674158577
I smell my hand after a jerk off session
i put one or two squares of toilet paper down before i shit in case of torpedo shits shooting water up my asshole.
>>674158577
let gay guys from craigslist blow me for 100 bucks. (yes they pay Me to suck my cock)
>>674158945
Nigga you really think you're the only one who does that?
>>674158945
How the fuck does that works.
I hold in my poops sometimes cuz I like when my farts smell really bad.
>>674159045
Sounds like a good way to make money. Tell us more.
>>674158877
I also do this.
>>674159045
Enjoy your AIDS
>>674159218
prevents the bolt of water from splashing my anus.
I piss in the sink (if you think about it it's better in a number of ways, you waste less water, you don't get backsplash, you don't have to aim)
>>674158577
Moar moniicow
>>674158577
Think this girl is hot
>>674158577
after i take a shit, i sit on the sink and wash my asshole. haven't bought toilet paper in at least 4 years.
>>674158877
Same
>>674159621
But water feels good man.
Eat my boogers
>I need help
>>674160688
Please tell me you also do this in public.
>>674160920
it's ok anon you aren't alone
>>674158577
i feel like everybody, everywhere i go is staring at me and secretly judging me on the most ridiculous shit. I think people are watching me, like on the truman show, so i dont ever actually relax and say things randomly out loud incase an audience is watching so im not boring.
im probably fucking retarded, but whatever.
>>674158945
I started referring to this as packaging the logs. I did it to prevent leaving shit stains on the toilet though.
>>674158577
I open my eyes really wide before I clean my face with a towel. If I had to guess why I'd say I'm trying to outnatch the reaction time of my eyelids' blink so I don't squint and wrinkle my face before I attempt to rid it of water.
>>674158577
I have entire episodes of iCarly memorised. When I'm bored I'll re-enact them. Because it's just me, I have to be multiple characters, so I jump around a lot going from character to character. I do the voices pretty well, too. It's some good exercise, actually.
>>674161580
seek help
>>674160936
>>674160936
I try to use public toilets which are not stalls (like toilets for handicapped people) since i can lock the door and do it, otherwise i suck it up and wipe, but i dont like it as my asshole became pretty sensitive due to not usually wiping, and it can cause bleeding, same as when you arent used to brushing your teeth and when you do your gums bleed
>>674158577
I masturbate every day.
>>674161580
go on a nocturnal mission every 6 months or so to hunt someone down and silently kill them.
>like the zodiac killer
I prefer chubby girls over ones with flat stomachs.. I really feel alone on this one
>>674159045
I'm short on cash, you should explain your method.
>>674158577
masturbate to my own nudes
>>674160242
Hell yeah, just plop your member down and let it go. It's a little less fun in the winter though, that cool sink is nice in the summer but frozen hell come late fall
I wipe my ass standing up.
>>674162099
Damn same
I actually can believe it's not butter
>>674162099
Go on.
>>674161951
i know that feel bro
>>674159596
Enjoy your virginity
I cum in my pants and just let it dry. I do this multiple times (usually 10) before I wash them. I gets so stinky that i have to get body spray on my crotch so I can sit down without puking from the smell.
>>674162099
Literally everyone does that. Everyone
>>674158577
masturbate
>>674162513
?
there's nothing else to say
i take pictures of my legs with thigh high socks and fap to them as well as pictures of my own dick
>>674162662
Are you a lazy stoner? Serious question
>>674163082
Go on.
>>674163082
I've gone full trap. Makeup wig etc. cum on my own face and take pictures so I can jerk off to them later.
It's safer than meeting strangers on cl
>>674158577
Just hottified OP's girl.
hen I cum I just pinch my foreskin shut so I don't make a mess anywhere, then walk to the bathroom and dump in the toilet. Damn handy for concealment too. I can jack off through my pocket and not worry about making a mess, just walk to the bathroom with my hands in my pockets.
Get cucked cutfags
>>674163207
Yup. What are you implying?
>>674161580
>>674158877
I JUST DID!
>>674158577
> wear a lab coat instead of pyjamas
> shave my hands
> take the birth control pills I stole from this chick I housesat for
>>674159045
Could you elaborate on how one would accomplish this?
For research purposes of course
I just masturbate accidentally when im bored... Watching the History Channel? Rub one out. Texting friends? Rub one out. Reading useless threads? Put my hands down my pants
>>674163353
>>674163419
I think what anon is getting at, and this might be a wild guess, but I think he wants to see you naked
>>674163484
I used to do this until I realized I didn't get all the semen off and it would later leak into my boxers
>>674159045
I do that for free... Maybe I should start charging
>>674158577
when having sex with a woman
>Flex body to prevent cumming until I've done a good job.
>>674163640
I shave my hands
>>674163882
I don't know how you're having problems. Just pull all the way back, squeeze it a couple times and then go back and forth once or twice to get the last bit out.
>>674160920
ayoo we brothers
>>674161269
Don't worry I feel the same way. You just have anxiety disorder, go see a doc and tell him about it. They're pretty chill about shit like that and most people experience this at least once in their life
>>674163489
Most stereotypical stoners lack hygiene. What you described made me picture a stoner high off his ass on a dirty stained couch surrounded by bongs and old fast food trash.
Was I right?
>>674161269
I kind of think like this but like you mentioned truman show is the only reason I have these thoughts also the Matrix but in the end its all in my head.
>>674164063
dunno m8 leaky balls I guess
>>674163353
there's nothing left to say
>>674161269
this is actually a known mental disorder. Don't feel bad.
>>674163991
because the feeling of the hair bothered you, to not get shit stuck on them when cooking, or some other reason?
>>674164263
See
>>674163850
And go on.
>>674161269
Holy shit dude
>>674164167
don't have bongs and the couch is a chair but yea pretty much
>>674161580
>>674162822
Not true, I'm one sick motherfucker and I've never done this
>>674163483
no you didn't anon
Rollin'
I lock the office door so the pets can't get in, even though they are unable to use the door knob if it is unlocked
>>674164328
??
I'm not giving you my nudies
>>674164319
The first one.
>>674161269
So in your head you can't even take a shit in peace? That sucks
>>674158577
I look at girls like this and immediately imagine how good fucking her prone bone position would feel.
>>674163483
No, now it looks like uggo melts houses with her fart.
>>674164270
Yep, if I remember my abnormal psych correctly it's either paranoid personality disorder or social anxiety disorder, depending on the exact symptoms
>>674164538
Faggot.
>>674162662
What the fuck anon have some self respect
>>674160920
I think I was 10 the last time that happened. I guess the shame of having people think you're disgusting doesn't work on you
>>674164546
That is my main reason too. Autistic sensory bullshit.
Sauce op?
>>674161580
>>674158577
I sniff the toilet paper after every wipe. The different smells interest me
>>674164415
My first cuz is like that. 30yo and can't even hold a fast food job. He doesn't understand why his life sucks.
I wash my hands after ejaculation, I don't like carrying around dead weight.
I sit on the toilet, masturbate, shit, then get in the shower and use my finger to clean the poop off my asshole
>>674163483
Made her uglier
it bachelor frogs too lazy to make macros, which is also very bachelor frog
>>674158577
>fold my paper instead of scrunching it up while wiping
>close my bedroom door, then open it again, quickly, to see if anything moved, then close lock it
>actually make an effort to be more gentle and courteous
>drink water and exercise regularly
>watch Star Trek unironically
>use two fingers to masturbate sometimes
>>674164660
>self respect
kek
>>674164599
Truman Syndrome is for exactly the symptoms you describe(cameras watching you for the world's entertainment), but a more generalized anxiety that everyone's in on something and out to get you is PPD.
>>674163983
>having sex with a woman
beat 95% of us
>>674164841
I'm a student, I don't have a life.
>>674164991
Well you certainly won't get it from anyone else with the way you live
>>674164841
No one gives him love so he finds dopamine in the plants he smokes it out of
>>674164978
> 1
do it
> 2
do it
> 3
sometimes but not really
> 4
do it
> 5
do it
> 6
nope
>>674163983
This works?
>>674160898
it's a free bidet
>spit on toilet paper before I wipe my ass
>call girlfriend mommy during sex
>masturbate in the shower so that when I cum, it turns gelatinous and sticks to my belly hair, and promptly eat it.
>>674161580
My children's children will learn of you
>>674160920
I did this until I was 18, but then I said "OK I'm gonna stop doing this"
Been clean for 2 years
It's as simple as that :^)
>>674164538
Thank god, there's enough faggot shit on b already
>>674161580
I wish I could be there to do that with you Senpai
I taste my piss once/twice a month because I heard that's how patrice oneil found out he had diabetes is when his wife said his piss tasted like cake and since I have no wife I have to do it myself. Im not fat or anything just not as active as I should be and since I live in america where corn syrup is in everything I'm irrationally afraid of the beatus
>>674165404
> poopoo water hits benis
> no bueno
> mfw
>>674164978
I would say tits or GTFO, but I don't need underage shit in my webcache
>>674158577
I only feel like myself when I've been drinking
>>674158577
Poop completley naked and listen to music at the same time
I use a condom for a deluxe fap, then i clean it well and reuse it again. Its latex, it can Lasts for months
>>674159045
how do you even get hard?
>>674165660
So you are a completely normal person then?
>>674165772
> I use a condom for a deluxe fap
who doesn't...
> then i clean it well and reuse it again. Its latex, it can Lasts for months
how are things in /r9k/?
I still use a vhs player.
I haven't fapped in about 6 months.
>>674164590
Yep I knew I was the only one. Too many low test faggots on /b/.
>>674165133
this
>>674165623
im gonna have to start doing this. how do you taste it? in a cup?
>>674165075
A lot of the time I get PROnoid personality disorder where in under the assumption everyone is secretly trying to make me something awesome
It makes everyone see me like an asshole because when I'm not medicated I'm trying to guess which promotion i will get next. It's kind of like trying to guess which Christmas present you were getting that year but you were to much of a brat and aren't actually getting any presents, but your parents don't have the hearts to tell you.
No one will ever say that to me outloud though, i can just tell by the way they treat me. Then that gives me PARAnoid personality disorder!
>>674165762
HOLY SHIT YIU ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD ANON
I memorize most numbers in my life such as bank accounts, credit cards, drivers license and phone numbers. I have close to 200 contacts in my phone and I have all of them memorized. When I'm bored I just sit down and memorize random strings of numbers.
Nobody knows this about me though. I don't act autistic but, because of my compulsive memorization. I legitimately think I might be.
>scratch dead skin off with my nails and eat it.
>>674165623
Listening to Patrice right now. RIP
>>674166408
Me too. I also eat scabs.
>>674165244
It's a vicious cycle. But there is definitely truth to your statement.
>>674166393
Its alright bro. I think im an aspie but no one got me checked
>>674166170
That just sounds like the best possible case of delusional disorder ever
>>674160242
My last place had a sink that was the perfect height! New place bathrooms are way to talk. So miss my ghetto urinal.
>>674165641
I'm a 26 year old man. I'll be 27 tomorrow.
>>674166326
is that arin hansons wife suzy.
>>674166718
Happy Birthday!
>>674166155
Started with my hand but that was disastrous, then moved on to trying to piss on myself in the shower and quickly developed a fetish, then finally bought a little cup for convenience
>>674158577
I like to scratch my hair for dandruff than make piles with what I dig out of my nails even if it's goo or dirt and then play with it. Sometimes I eat my zitts
>>674158945
I honestly though this was my own genius idea... I've been doing it for years.
>>674159045
>>674159473
>>674162092
>>674163799
>>674163921
Originally I put a add on craigslist looking for some divorced and or trashy women to fuck so i put a pic of myself and an add on craigslist. I got an email from some gay guy begging to suck my cock which I refused until he said he'd pay me $100 which then i agreed. I then got the idea to put an add up pretty much saying "will let you suck my cock for money" Having a 7" cock and athletic body a lot of guys replied. i've made 700 so far. 100% of the guys that blow me are ugly and weird as fuck tbh but moneys money. I don't plan on doing this much longer tbh. I ve been talking to a girl in my class and plan on asking her out soon. Ive been using my bj money for our dates actually. None the less easiest fucking way to make some quick cash.
>>674166889
Thanks. One of the few days of the year when I don't want to kill myself.
>>674166905
Spit or swallow? (in the least awkward way possible)
when listening to the radio, i have to have the volume set to an even number
when carrying a beverage, i always put my pinkie under the glass to make sure i don't drop it
>>674164978
>fold paper
I do this too. Gets everything up more quickly. Fold 3 sheets into one sheet, wipe, fold in half, wipe, ect.
>>674158577
Every time i wake up in middle of night. I wank it.
I like to cum in my socks than scratch my itches with the crispy part
>>674165404
full of shit and piss
>>674167189
I do it too
>>674166718
Happy Birthday, Anon!
>>674166671
I would consider talking to a psychologist about it or something but honestly I don't feel its that important. It often comes in handy actually. The only time its an issue is when someone interrupts me while I'm memorizing something. I can get pretty irritable. Pretty sure I have a mild form of autism :/
>>674167279
that's why its free you nigger
>While in a car, I imagine some guy is skateboarding or doing parkour over everything I pass.
>Pick dingle berries and throw them wherever I please.
>When I shower and start shampooing my hair, I start thinking of the scariest fucking things possible.
>When I walk and fart, I will go back to the spot I just farted at to smell it.
>>674166735
>everything that's going on in that pic
>you're only concerned about Suzy being in it
>>674167189
oh wow look out for this crazy motherfucker
I put my little ponies in a jar of cum and boil it
>>674165939
I usually watch porn on my phone while they do it. The first couple times I had to take some viagra. It doesn't really phase me anymore.
I look at naked women on the Internet, and then masturbate to them.
>>674167026
How can you stay hard? I tried this and couldnt stay hard. Not even watching porn helped me
I couldn't find any fallic objects so I washed a plunger and fucked it.
>>674167556
No you don't.
>>674167522
I've been desensitized to it all anon-kun you must know this
>>674167556
>>674167663
it's phallic you plunger fucking degenerate
>>674163640
also, zero regrets on the last one. normally constantly horny even if fapping until it won't get up any more, now I have a normie-level libido.
>>674167151
Either or really, depends on how much water i've had. Not enough and I spit that shit out %100 of the time, the rest is just however I'm feeling that day. Fun fact, it whitens your teeth ever so slightly
>>674160242
me too
>>674167521
Guilty of all of them.
>>674161951
I have a shortstack qt 3.14 and I love her chubby little ass
>>674167556
:^)
back to >>/mlp/ let's go
>>674167650
The first time I couldn't get hard at al either, when the guy wanted his money back I got the fuck outta his car and ran into the woods. I used that money I stole to invest in some viagra.
Ive jerked off to a midget getting fucked
>>674167850
I meant any other fallic object you tard. Sorry my connotation wasn't clear enough.
I like to spray sugar on my hair and then try to take it out one by one with my fingers
I don't use toilets, I carry around extra large condoms to shit & piss.
>>674168190
>weak
>>674167468
My brother actually has (leaning towards mild) autism. I heard its not uncommon for a mom to have more than one child with it. (i thought i already posted this??)
>>674162355
You sick bastard. Go seek mental help
>>674166003
>So you are a completely normal person then?
>>674165367
It does
If you are getting ready to cum, just flex all the muscles in your body, it draws the blood away from the dick just enough to stop the orgasm, but doesn't deflate your dick.
Also it looks cool.
>>674163484
Im literally going to try this right not
If my foreskin explodes im suing you
>>674161269
Ive lived most of my life like this.
It was alot worse when i was younger.
Even when im alone i act like im monitored.
When i was younger i worried about microscopic flying cameras that people would watch me with.
As i grew older, i began to fear that people had the ability to "connect" to me through some kind of psychotechnology and feel/smell/see/taste/see everything i do, in real time, as i experience things.
Sort of like, my senses become their senses.
And i always imagined it being exgirlfriends or people i liked monitoring me, in groups, and then discussing with each other.
Im 28 and i still do this. Its pretty awful.
>>674168050
Dude, you can't say that type of stuff on here without at the very least hinting like you might post a pic
When I play Pokemon, I don't evolve my starters right away. People think it's weird but I want them to learn their strongest move early as a baby than at a ridiculously high level fully evolved.
I can't take a shit with pants on... I have to take then off.
>>674168393
I... I have to try this now
>>674162099
Same. I thought it was rare, but apparently not.
>>674168050
Goals :( i couldnt get a gf if my life depended on it
>>674162355
what the hell
>>674158577
i like to edge for like 4 hours before i go to bed, tuck my shit between my legs while i sleep, wake up with a raging fucking boner, edge for about an hour more, then cum fucking everywhere
I get in this really weird mindset where I feel good or feel good about being average and casual almost like I'm an extra in some movie and for some reason I get this good wholesome happiness from it
>>674167973
Nice! Gonna start tomorrow
>>674162099
Wut?
>>674162294
Wut?
>>674162822
No, they fucking dont.
>>674167690
Yes I do
>>674168518
sheeeit
and I thought I was paranoid
> microscopic flying cameras that people would watch me with
mfw
I take my clothes off before I poop.
I sit when I pee when I'm at home.
>>674168503
I guarantee you won't ever jack off without doing it again.
>>674168781
Oh lawdy thats so satisfying.
Better yet, edge for a couple half hour sessions every day, rest of the time be in chastity, then after like a week finally blow your load. Cum like a fucking fire hose.
>Masturbate only to webcam, so i jerk off with other guys and rarely girls. In skype.
>Leave my girlfriend because i enjoyed masturbating more than sex or her company, shit sucked.
>Stay alone because i like to masturbate 4-8 times a day.
>wherever i go, i must also masturbate
>Always plan out when and where to jerk off
>Still cant admit that i would have any problems with masturbating, i just like it and im open about it, i got nothing to hide.
>>674168831
Good luck, don't want to die if beaties
>steal wallets at bars and concerts
>stalk their social medias
>document their social events and lives
>follow them around time to time.
>>674166718
happy b' day
>>674169126
ya i dont do chastity tho. and if i dont nut at least once a week ill lose my god damned mind. so
>>674167521
Are you me
I can't cum/ejaculate
I've had sex once and couldn't cum. Could never cum from masturbation, so I stopped trying to masturbate
can only blow a load in my sleep so far in my life
>>674167189
I need the number to end with 0 or 5 like 5,10,15...
>>674169616
Go to a doctor. Youre missing out.
>>674169272
Its not a problem cuz its a secret you fucking idiot. It's a problem because you're addicted.
>>674169616
how old are you?
>>674167189
Ma nigga
Consider killing myself on a daily basis. Most people dont.
>>674169002
I want to cum inside rainbow dash
>>674165623
Why did his wife taste his piss?
>>674169810
I'm 12 but I'm mature for my age
>>674169272
So if you ever visit someone, you have to masturbate in their home?
>>674169272
>Leave my girlfriend because i enjoyed masturbating more than sex or her company, shit sucked.
Wew lad.
>>674169616
Visit your local urolgist and maybe a therapist. Like for real.
>>674169002
Thats old, faggot.
I genuinely feel like ill never find love. Or at least pussy. Any at all will do. It still doesnt come my way. Im lowkey desperate.
Tear off and eat the dead skin from between my toes
Never told anybody that
shove my fingers in my ass in the shower
>>674169989
They were into piss play.
>>674169717
same nigga
>>674161580
Not going to lie, I did the same thing with spongebob back when I was a kid, helped my sister go to sleep sometimes to.
Most often done one was the episode with Spongebob being told to be assertive by plankton.
>[..]Assertive, not insertive!
>>674161947
bullshit
>>674170088
That's circa 2011
Are you a fellow /mlp/erson
>>>>674158945
UM.... shit head this is called "life hack"
>>674169726
yea, I don't know what to do
I got sexually abused in my childhood I don't know if that has anything to do with the psychological side of it
Also had phimosis and had to get cut late in my childhood, => reduced sensitivity
just haven't met the right girl yet, but yeah with porn, it's like I'm too aware of the 4th wall, I can feel myself sitting there with my dick in my hand and I can't get into it
>>674170099
It's not just going to magically come bro, sorry to say
>>674167521
>3
It makes me not want to open my eyes sometimes
I only play guitar when I'm alone because I'm embarrassed. It doesn't help that I'm shit at it.
>>674170099
Check em. Dubs prove you aint lyin' sorry man, have you tried the internet or at the very least slutty 18 years who will do alot for booze?
>>674163484
Same on the first part
>>674170449
Ive tried so hard idk what to do anymore.
I randomly act act scenes as if I'm in a movie or tv show. or I pretend to do a trailer or start singing a song like I'm on stage at a concert.
I tend to do a lot of scene where I'm tied up or being interrogated or something. I act out fight scenes (even at work and shit in the back room) a lot as well or as if I'm escaping from somewhere
>>674169994
>>674169993
underage b& plz
>>674168518
I kinda know how you feel, but not to that extreme.
When I was 9 I went to a movie theater and the wild thought that maybe people could read my mind entered my thoughts. I was thinking about sex instead of watching the boring-ass movie, and immediately became scared that strangers knew what I was imagining.
Eight years later, I stopped caring about what the mind readers were think and saying about me, but I still think it happens.
What I do care about now, ten years after that time at the movies, is that I still think there are tiny hidden cameras all over the place, catching every bad thing I do, and that my family will someday watch the footage, or even that they already do.
>>674163484
I've done this as long as I've masturbated. I love my foreskin.
>>674170736
>Ive tried so hard
What does that actually entail?
Sorry, you made it sound like you like never speak to girls or something and are hoping one just falls into your lap.
>>674169408
Uuhh......yikes
>>674168130
D-dude you have more of that?
>>674170736
its only when you realize that it isn't something that can be forced that you will succeed young grasshopper. Unless you want the cliche American have two kids and get divorced because you really hate eachother and realize that love is chemical released in order to attract you to a potential mate societal norm.
>>674164415
No bong? Kill yourself.
>>674169717
You're not the only one
>>674169717
Thats fucking heresy.
Even numbers are fucking supreme.
Especially number 8.
>8
The first even number
Divisiable by the first even number
The first even number amount of times
And ends up in the first even number
W I T N E S S T H E N U M B E R *8*
I'm afraid all the toys/artwork/figures can see me, so I'm unable to walk around my own house naked.
>>674170099
Nice double dubs
>>674162228
Me too my nigga
>>674170202
Fair enough
Thank you
>>674168518
I'm this guy:
>>674169045
just as an addendum,
>It was alot worse when i was younger.
I know I got some fuckin issues now, but yea I think in my childhood I remember thinking to always watch my food, I could never let my food get out of my sight, because I thought somebody could be in the ceiling and cut open a slot and pour poison into my food.
Legit I remember thinking this at some point in my childhood. Very fucking irrational, but I think kids can have some wild imaginations
>>674171061
you like that huh anon :3
>>674165526
2nd ones pretty normal
>>674165545
Sometimes blowing my nose doesn't do fuck all, so I wiggle a finger around up there - if success, free salty snack. I don't just do it for fun.
I have some sort of sickness that happens like every other year. I get incredibly weak and barely able to walk. Every time I try to eat I just about pass out or throw up, I also end up sleeping for days straight from being so week. I got numerous tests done on me and nothing has ever come up and honestly it's a hellish time. I have to call and have someone take care of me for a week or two
>>674161269
just wait till you imagine everyone you knew once they die are conscious in some afterlife watching every moment of your life ashamed they knew you or were related to you or liked you or loved you.... it's fucking brutal
>>674158577
Piss into a glass, but with my entire dick and balls in the glass. Feels fucking awesome as the warm piss fills up around my junk. I usually let me soak for a minute then pour the piss all over my body and fap.
>>674171422
When I watched Toy Story for the first time, I was scared to death that my toys were possibly alive and watching me, and when I left they'd all discuss how disgusting I was.
If I had the same mindset, libido, maturity levels, whatever, that I have now, that would have become babby's first fetish.
Pic definitely related.
>>674162228
me as well. i am not sticking my hand in the toilet.
>>674170930
Fuck bro. I hope they dont find the tapes man :(
Within my paranoia, my mind decided the cameras were microscopic, and flying, thats way i can never find them, or escape them.
Im pretty sure everyone ive ever loved watched my jerk off in the bathroom with my wifes vibrator in my ass
>>674171537
No problem, sometimes its a real simple answer, and sometimes that answer is just people who like pissin on each other.
>>674166671
Well into adulthood, I told my mom that I thought I might be borderline aspie, she said she got me tested but was never sure. Sure would explain a lot.
>>674172003
I haven't seen toy story in years and this has persisted. Why?
>>674171061
here's a link to his art.
https://e621.net/post/index/2/darkhazard
>>674171776
I don't cry out mommy during sex but I do have a thing for milfs with big tits and older women who kinda look like my mother, gotta be something to his theory
>>674172003
you got lucky faggot. my first time thinking something like that the movie was demon toys. atleast toy story was for kids
>>674167189
In Russia, is bad luck to pour drink into glass not on table - if no table, use pinky.
>>674167663
I've fucked my ass with a plunger handle before. It was fun.
>>674172003
I am going to use this cumming on jessy toy joke at work tommorow. That's fucking funny.
>>674158877
Almost every time
>>674171734
As much as im NOT a brony. Pony porn can be pretty fuckin hot
>>674163419
Is it really safer?
>>674167836
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODS
>>674171850
Is it seasonal or random? This is interesting as fuck, dont get me wrong this must suck for you and be awful be you have got me intrigued
>>674172476
>slivers
>>674160242
don't do that it'll make your sink smell like piss
>>674172076
Shit sucks. I hope the stress doesn't get you too bad.
I half-comfort myself by believing that, since they've already seen me doing shit like that, strip-teasing for myself on video and jerking to it later and the like... it can't get any worse, right?
>>674163484
This has been proven to let semen to go back into your body and rot and kill anon. good job.
>>674161269
Kinda feel the same way, not as strongly as you do but i do feel like everyone judges me in secret
Im terrified of getting skin cancer.
Sometimes I have a thought that I'm actually retarded, and people are just nice to me because I'm retarded. Like I think I'm doing really complex things, but in reality I'm just an autist. For example, I'm fucking my girlfriend in my reality, but really I'm just fapping to my helper.
>>674168518
I have a mental illness and you literally described precisely how I feel when I'm psychotic. I've had 4 manic episodes in the past and during every single one, I've thought exactly this. Just add voices of people I know screaming insults at me, in groups.
You should maybe talk to a doctor friend. You're lucky you don't hear voices, but that's latent paranoia if I've ever hear it.
>>674171671
Thats exactly what it was bro, childish active imagination, that became habit.
I had alot of OCD tendencies as a child. My body had to even.
>going to lay on the left side? Better touch my right ear to the pillow first.
My mother started to beat it out of me around 10 when i handed her a pencil with my right hand and quickly reached oit and touched with my left hand, while she was still holding it
>fucking stop touching things anon!!!
In high school i finally told myself i couldnt live like this and started breaking my habits and rituals around 17. It was pure horror for me.
I was anxious and nervous for aboit a solid year knowing everything was uneven and uncounted.
I used to count my step in paradiddles
>think marching band snare
Like this.
L R R L - R L L R - R L L R - L R R L
that cycle equaled 1
God that satisfying to type
>>674172941
ME FUCKING TOO. I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT THOUGHT THIS.
>>674158577
It's so disappointing when you confess your secrets and find out they're puny and common.
>>674172647
It seems random, but I've noticed it's usually triggered by some sort of upset in my sleeping schedule, like when I sleep too much or not enough. I get so weak that it's hard to stay awake and so I just sleep most of the time with it
>>674172685
Yeah if you don't clean it like I'm assuming you don't. Fuckin clean your bathroom once a week
>>674162099
I was thinking, is that gay?
>>674172773
Thats true man...but theyve ALSO seen the awsome shit ive done to.
And the hours i spent smashing my wife when we first got married, they HAD to be jelous of my 2 hour "too nervous to cum" stamina.
I hope
>>674172941
So much this
>>674173194
Probably. But im a lesbian and i do it.
>>674171944
cool
>>674161947
prove it
>>674161269
I hate that. Im in chemistry lab once a week and im in the front. I get these nervous spikes like people are watching me. Ive had to leave the room before.
>>674172983
Never any voices.
Always amd insecure person.
I think it derives from that.
>>674169616
I'm almost the same, stroking will not get me to cum, only way i can cum is by applying pressure while not having a boner, it fucking blows.
>>674173021
same shit here guy. except laziness killed my obsessive tendencies.
I enjoy eating cans of speghetti o's and raviolis straight out of the can without cooking them at all.
I masturbate by rubbing my dick against the bed while laying on my stomach
>>674167521
Number 1, every fucking time.
>>674172003
This is hilarious
>>674172476
Right?
>>674173194
narcissistic actually
Gonna be honest this is the first thread ive actually been a part of and its great.
>>674173439
>everyone is watching me all the time
You'll grow out of it. Seriously. As visceral and real as the sensation is, it comes down to a fundamental insecurity. Which is why so many people have it at some point and always grow out of it.
>>674173496
I started masturbating like this when i was probably about 4
I remember plain as day
I still do to this day (28)
But not exclusively
I can do this in a room full of people and no one knows
>>674167521
Number 1, holy shit
>>674168664
>>674168393
Don't you'll have a stroke!!
>>674173768
Same friend
>>674173378
Ahem. Ma'am, are you aware of this establishment's rules? If not please gtfo
>>674173968
fag
>>674162228
Wait..............
What?
There is someone out there who wipes sitting down?
W
T
F
?
How?
Is there hand stinky constantly?
>>674173827
But can you cum regularly with stroking? I can't unless i do the thing and get boner and dump load.
>>674173968
You wanna recite the rules?
RIP thread that i was finally apart of
This was a good bread
>>674173147
That is incredibly weird. Have you ever thought of letting some stupid science bitch write a paper on you?
>>674174183
Oh yeah.
No performance issues.
Nobody believes me that i can cum through a flaccid dick
