itt: We all work in the same office
Staff,
I'm looking forward to a very productive day today here at Computek. Keep up the good work.
David
Regional Manager
I finished to reports on the recent quad sittings as you asked sir
>>672761865
i'm sick today, sorry boss.
>>672762035
Anon,
I'm sorry, who is this?
David
Regional Manager
Dear boss,
You're a fucking faggot.
-Best Regards, the rest of the office.
>>672761865
Who pooped in my paper shredder?
Haha 4Chin is just too funny! Lol
>>672761865
>>672761865
I'll be photocopying my balls for the next 8hrs
>>672762242
The real question is who did not.
>>672762535
I didn't, the line was too long. I went for the printer instead. Be careful when using the brown ink.
>>672762228
>>672762242
Anon,
I suggest filing a complaint with Todd in HR,
Until then I'll see to it that an administrator replace your shredder.
David
Regional Manager
>>672762242
This is why I keep mine locked up. I use it crush the ice for my margaritas (saw it in falcon and the snowman.. it works about as well as in the movie)
Sorry guys we are moving your offices to china
- David's mom
>>672761865
Dear David,
I would like to request a day off on the upcoming friday. Your wife has been particularly cock-hungry, and friday is when my cock mounted go pro arrives
Dixon Cider
Bull
>>672762942
Dixon,
I'm afraid I wont allow that and my wife has been dead for 3 years. I suggest taking your frustrations out on the newly single Karen in Accounting.
David
Regional Manager
TPS Reports
Who ate my pudding? It was in the fridge with my name on it.
Can I have a raise? I'll increase corporate synergy and look towards a new tomorrow to make the world a better place and increase employee engagement.
Work smarter not harder!
>>672761865
Mail Room Super
Dave-Regional Manager
March 3,2016
Dave, I'm sending this memo to notify you that the office supplies you ordered last week have been received and are waiting for you're stock review and distribution to the company departments.
Best regards,
Anon in mail room
>>672761865
I love c# and SharePoint development. .net is awesome!
>>672763305
David,
I am fully aware of your wife's passing, and indeed have enjoyed the corresponding increase in our sexual activity. I will certainly invite Karen in accounting to join us, assuming of course you allow the amount of cum you swallow to increase accordingly
Dixon Cider
Bull
>>672762669
Im not mad, its just..how am i supposed to shred all these documents with all this corn?
Regional Manager
David -
Re: our meeting last Friday (03/04)
Have you reconsidered your position concerning the situation with the paper shredders being befouled?
Fred
Janitorial Staff
Ron, you need move Chuck to a different security group. He keeps file sharing cats to the interns.
>>672763849
Dixon
Im sorry to tell you this by letter but. I jerk off to your wife every day! She is fucking hot as shit. Anyways you are a great friend!
From,
Randy Bobandy
David,
Some darkie has been lurking around my desk. He's been screaming about mixtape and fire. Naturally I told him to fuck off. Now the HR lady is bitching at me. I told her to shut her sperm gurgler. She said I need to talk to you. The fuck bro,
Steve McFaggelbums
Lead Accountant
Hey this is Medical advisor Grana down in the nurses office. Randy got his dick jammed in the stapler again. Should I notify his wife and give him permission to go home?
Best,
~Grana
Hi this is Frank from Accounting and I'd like the person(s) filling my cubicle with images of busty women with my face photoshopped onto them, I just want to provide for my wife and autistic child.
Afterwork does anyone want to grab some drinks and shit in that nerd's shredder again?
>>672764329
Fred,
I have Randy pulling the tapes for review. We are working on rectifying the situation.
It is quite the shame that you have to do your job on occasion right?
David
Regional manager
>>672764873
this makes about as much sense as anything coming out of accounting. I thunk they share a water cooler with marketing
>>672763849
Dixon,
Please be gentle. I haven't been intimate in so long. Also, could you please forward me that memo we were sent about the ice machine? Thanks.
Karen
>>672764762
Dea Stev,
Nigga wut u thnkn bout my offa? 2 tapes and a grapeaid fo tree fiddy? Nigga ud b dum to say na.
Layshwan Bytche$
>>672764762
Steve,
Did you file a formal incident report?
Dave
Regional Manager
>>672764843
Hey, this is Randy i saw this on your desk yesterday should i worry? I know you love guns.
From,
Randy Bobandy
P.S- My dick i still really hurting...
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP COMPUTEK ARE WE READY FOR A GREAT FUCKING DAY OR WHHHHAAAAAAT?!?! LETS PROGRAM SOME SHIT AND RIP PEOPLE THE FUCK OFF. FUCK YEAAAH!
Stephen Glansberg
Computek Lead Hypeman
>>672765492
I am looking forward to raping female co-workers in the restroom and cumming in the coffee pot I don't give a fuck.
>>672765492
Dear Randy,
Have you been... Doing things with a stapler... In the Nurses Office???
Should I be worried...
~Grana
Another day another dollar right?
Tick tock
>>672765237
Karen:
Why do keep asking for things that you easily look up on your own? It distracts people from facebook and porn.
Gerald
Mech Engineering
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS SHIT
EVERYONE ON A GROUND NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>672764499
Dear Randy,
Nice dubs.
- Cameron from IT
>>672765496
Stephen,
Due to budget cuts, the CFO terminated your position two months ago. What are you still doing here?
Dave
Regional Manager
>>672765824
Did you really have to sue me over something i did not do you retard? Also wanna have some tea later i got my special powder ready
Bill Cosby.
>>672765450
No I don't associate with those people. If I hear him mention mixtape and I'll formally hang him in a tree. I hope HR nuts up soon and ends all the "diversity" hires.
Steve McFaggelbums
Lead Accountant
>>672765895
>>672765237
YEAAAAAH YOU FUCKIN' TELLEM GERALD FROM MECH ENGINEERING! FUCK YOU KAREN AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING MEMOS! LETS PLAY SOME ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!
Stephen Glansberg
Lead Hypeman
>>672765972
YOU IN THE GREEN SHIRT!!!
>>672765448
Listen hear coon, come near my desk again and I'll stand my ground. Go push your street drugs elsewhere.
Steve McFaggelbums
Lead Accountant
David,
I am sure you understand the recent situation with the layoffs. I want to make sure everything is prepared to inform our staff today about these changes. You do good things, keep it up.
Paul
Computek CEO
>>672765999
Dear Bill Cosby,
I do not believe I sued you.
I did however find a multi stack of pudding cups lodged in your work desk on sanitary inspection day. I notified David about it.
Zib zop, bibity bop,
Why can't I have some puddin, puddin pop?!?
~Medical Resident Grana
>>672765982
David,
We have a minor concern with the assessment of funds for the 17&B-LO project. There was a minor security breach and the authorities are in the foyer.
Sincerely,
Vinny Vaughn
VP of Media Propaganda
COME OUT
COME OUT
WHERE EVER YOU ARE
>>672761865
David
The virus that's been affecting the staffs' computers was finally traced to a website containing trap and child porn.
Dominic
IT Department
>>672765982
>>672766410
WHAT?! YOU MEAN THIS FUCKIN' GUY?? HAHA NAAA YOU CAN'T FIRE ME I'M TOO FUCKIN' HYPE WHO ELSE IS GONNA STUFF FIRECRACKERS IN THE TOASTER AND TURN IT ON DURING THE LUNCH BREAKS?! HAHA YEAH FUCK YEAAAAH
>>672765972
Oh great. An intern that can't figure out the copy machine and was injured using his stapler now has a shotgun.
Fucking Mondays
Dave:
Any update on my request to tele-commute?
Gerald
>>672761865
Yup
Scruffy, the janitor.
>>672766660
Stephen Glansberg
Lead Hypeman
>>672761865
Hello again, David
-Kate
>>672765015
>It is quite the shame that you have to do your job on occasion right?
David -
Cleaning office equipment in that manner is NOT part of my job description,
I recommend you get a company that deals with bio-waste hazards or handle it yourself/
I QUIT
Fred
>I also rubbed my balls all over your phone and coffee mug
>repeatedly
*downloads a Trojan horse disguised as a kitty wallpaper and executes it*
>>672766627
Dominic,
What's the site? I'll keep it uh... in the records.
Cameron
IT
>>672766410
Paul,
You said I had until the end of the week! I will make the cuts Friday (3/11).
David
Regional Manager
Can you tell those dumb spic cleaners to stop opening the janitorial closet when I try to smoke my joints?
-Mike
Sales
So I'll be back in the IT section
-Kate, IT
>>672766835
Cameron
I've reported the site to the authorities, so I'd advise caution. Also, stop texting me, I will not participate in your "glory hole" activities.
Dominic
IT
>>672766998
Good afternoon Kate,
Last night was fun with Josh
Andrea
Sales
Dave,
We found a folder marked "Cheesy Pizzza" while doing IT maintenance on your desktop. You should seek legal representation immediately.
Karen Stein-Mohamed
HR Representative
>>672766627
Dominic,
That's actually a project Dave had assigned me to. I apologize for the security intrusion.
I would also recommend you format your drive... authorities are in the foyer.
Vinny Vaughn
VP of Media Propaganda
>>672766627
>>672766556
Dominic
See to it that the site is firewalled. Or whatever you technonerds call it.
Also see to it that the breach Vinny uncovered is resolved.
David
Regional Manager
David,
Has everything been alright lately? You don't seem to be reply to email as frequently as you used to. Please let me know, you know everyone here at computek (apart from randy I suppose) cares about your well being.
Regards,
Shaun
Regional Accounts
Dondé esta el baño, Señior David?
Buenos Dias,
Jorge
>>672766698
NO PAY
NO LUNCHES
NO RESPECT
NO COLLEGE RULED BINDERS
I HATE THIS PLACE !!!!!
Dear Staff,
Due to recent events it seems necessary to send a memo around to remind staff that, should you be caught upskirting teens at the mall:
-The company WILL NOT pay for your defense counsel
-We WILL deny that you ever worked here
-We WILL NOT allow you to sleep under your desk when your wife kicks you out
Regards,
David Goldenbergstein
General Counsel, Computek
>>672767148
Vinny Vaughn
I understand. I will turn in the appropriate paperwork for the situation on Friday (3/12) please be more careful next time.
Dominic
IT
>>672766998
Hi Kate,
Did you see that cringey email from Richard this morning? What an ass hat.
Joe
IT Department
>>672767123
Karen,
Disregard that file. It is not your department to be snooping my computer.
David
Regional Manager
>>672765448
Dear test subject 3261,
Who let you out of the R&D experimental subject pen? I'd also like to remind that your mixtape was not fire. If you'd like to hear what a fire mixtape actually sounds like, please see test subject 0081 (Yohiness) in the cell adjacent to yours. His mixtape was quite "fire", as I've mentioned many times. I can arrange for 15 minutes of supervised interaction for you two if you complete 30 hours of testing our latest version of notepad--. It's like notepad++, but the opposite with less features than notepad.
Thanks!
Steven Stevenson
Head of R&D
P.S. I've called for security to escort you back to your cell.
>>672766030
Steve:
Our "Minorities and You!" program is in full effect until April 20th 2020. There is nothing we can do about the "darkies" as you like to say.
I am also writing this to inform you that there is nothing we can do about Layshwan and his "fire" until you file the appropriate incident paperwork.
John McGruber
HR Manager
David,
Being your nephew, I feel that iam required to do far too much for the lack of money I get paid in this dump.
I drive a BMW and have never had a real job, shouldn't Gary from accounting be smoking pot and jerking off 12 times a day? I only have so much energy.
Your ungrateful nephew, Chad.
>>672767581
Hi joe
Richard from PR here, due to unconditional behavior in the workspace, fuck you. Nigger.
-Richard
>>672767230
David
Will do. I must say though. I believe that Kate was the main culprit in this, I request a full inspection of my department.
Dominic
IT
>>672767269
Shaun,
My apologies, I've been invested in resolving a shredder deification issue.
David
Regional Manager
>>672764941
im cool for the drinks, but thus time we should also shove his keyboard in there too. Also, we draw dicks in permanent marker on his stupid whiteboard.
if dubs I shoot up the workplace
>>672767837
Dominic,
Keep up the good work like this and you're looking at a promotion to IT Director in the near future.
David
Regional Manager
>>672767123
Karen:
What did I tell you about stepping out of your role? Discriminating against Dave is a criminal act no matter how many pictures of pizza he saves.
I will speak with him in private about his pizza habits on company time but until then you really should be focusing on converting all of our physical files into digital ones via the scanner I gave you last week and planning the company bowling event for next month.
John McGruber
HR Manager
Hello, Im the new Intern I come from India do you happen to have a designated poo in loo area around your office? i have to go real bad i think i ate the wrong kind of curry
>>672767641
Steven,
I'm afraid interaction between test subjects is inadvisable at this stage. We're still dealing with the litigious fallout from the last time that happened.
Regards,
David Goldenbergstein
General Counsel, Computek
>>672767842
>>672767842
David,
No need to apologize. Just keeping an eye out for you! Once you take care of that shredder business, could we maybe talk about getting some interns. I could you a few fresh pieces of ass in RA's, if you know what I mean.
And don't forget about golf on the 19th.
Take care,
Shaun
Regional Accounts
>>672767813
Hi Richard,
I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to HR as racist remarks simply aren't acceptable. I was actually referring to the regional manager too, dipshit.
Joe
IT Department
>>672768112
David
Thank you sir. I'll try to keep it up. I should get back to my work. Happy birthday from the IT Department by the way.
Dominic
IT
>>672767728
John,
Ive filed a complaint twice a day for two months about that pavement ape and his street talk. All I ever hear is "we'll look into it" You know damn well your just worried about another racial discrimination suit.
Get this coon away from my desk or I'll file his ass up a damn tree.
Steve McFaggelbums
Lead Accountant
>>672767746
Chad,
Your internship is ending very soon and you'll be terminated. Keep your mouth shut or I'll see to it you get no letter of recommendation.
David
Regional Manager
>>672761865
To: (all)@computek.net
From: [email protected]
Re: dead cats
From this point on anyone caught shooting, eating, or posessing dead felines on company property will be escorted out. This order came down fron corporate after the last one was found nailed to the CEO's jaguar. Any questions or comments should be forwarded to your HR rep. Thanks.
-Anon (security lead)
To all staff members, including you Karen, you fat ugly whore,
The ONLY appropriate music to play in the office during regular hours is Bjork's greatest hits. We already have Tay Tay Tuesdays and shit on Karen Fridays.
Sincerely, Nig Niggerton
Department of Niggerology
>>672765722
I already hit the break room coffee pot. try the one in the executive lounge. also I have dibs on Marie. I even put it on the memo board so stay the fuck away. Floor 2 is my territory bitch.
>>672768312
Shaun,
Golf? I thought you said frolf. As in frisbee golf. I bought a brand new set of discs. Are you saying I now need clubs?
David
Regional Manager
>>672768168
John,
Talk to me like that one more time and I'll CC everyone about the time you had sex with your estranged daughter.
Karen Stein-Mohamed
HR Department
This is the lamest roleplay i have ever seen. At least the losers that do this every day are fanciful.
>Itt losers who have no imagination
>>672768428
Steve:
I am aware you are not satisfied with having the "pavement ape" near and around your desk during working hours but you must be patient while we go through formal processes.
Until such a time I must implore that you do not use such profane terms against Layshwan, especially during business hours. Remember the new slogan: "If it's not nice, don't say it!"
John McGruber
HR Manager
P.S. (off the record) If Karen would just do her job instead of pursuing the interests others have we probably would have this settled by now. I am attempting to get her going through positive reinforcement so just be patient with me.
>>672768508
Reply: (all)@comuptek.net
Hey Steve, it's Shaun. Between you and me, can we keep the cat thing on the hush hush? I've been killing them for sport around the office and I think it's the only thing that keeps me from necking myself every day. Thanks man.
Hi everybody,
We're going to be rolling out some updates for Windows later today. Please ensure that you stay at your desk after your shift until the update has completed and you shut your PC and monitor down, this may take several hours.
Thanks,
IT Department
>>672768895
Dear Anon,
Fuck off
Sincerely,
Everyone ITT
I'm done with this job. I hardly make any money and I lost my children and house in the divorce. I'm going to jump off the building. Goodbye friends.
>>672768212
Dear Kumar,
The loo has been busted for a while now. Everybody has just been shitting in Jerry's paper shredder. I think it's been Jerry's. Just walk around until you smell it. It's down on the 14th floor.
Kind Regards,
Faggotty McQueerson
Chief Inclusiveness Engineering Director
P.S.
Don't shit in the drain in the bathroom. I know that's how it's done in India, but it ain't the way we do it around here.
>>672761865
Who wants go microwave peeps in the executive lounge and then blame it on Dave?
>>672768775
David,
Frolf works. I've got a disk guy at the computek headquarters in Chattanooga.
Shaun
Regional Accounts
To all staff,
Please do not lie to IT when they come by and ask if youve tried restarting your computer. They are 1 shell command away from making you look like a lying asshole. And furthermore please include more detail in your tickets than "my computer is broken".
The IT Department
>>672768776
Karen:
Come into my office. Now. You are overdue for your performance review and still have yet to submit any annual goals.
We don't want a repeat of the "Meltdown of 2010" now do we? We still haven't recovered from that little fiasco of yours...
John McGruber
HR Manager
>>672768479
David,
Your last email was hurtful and it gave me PS3 or cancer, I forget which. I am taking medical leave to Amsterdam for several weeks for proper treatment.
Rad Chad
Owner, Proprietor Rad Chad's Mad Crab Shack
>>672768984
Reply: (all) @comuptek.net
Fuck me. You guys weren't supposed to see that. Please disregard and carry on.
Shaun
Regional Accounts
good fckn yard
>>672762242
Todd left us earlier. I'm his replacement in HR. Sorry I couldn't make it to the bathroom. I'll just say Jim did it while you were on brake.
>>672768262
Dear David,
Don't worry, we track their hours here for them. I'll personally ensure he is perpetually stuck at 29 hours. If he asks, I'll just inquire as to how "fire" his latest mixtape is. He'll quickly forget about his hours while he compares it to something like the firebombing of Dresden.
By the way, that thing we talked about is coming along nicely and will be ready for use within the next 48 hours. I'd like to know how you want to proceed from here.
Steven Stevenson
Head of R&D
To all staff memebers (get it)
William Hejelte
Due two various complaints in the workspace pleas consider the following.
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find another
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
>>672768984
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re:re:cats
Hey, i understand your frustrations. If you want to keep up your hobby please stop by my office later. You know how this place is with key stroke loggers and shit... Btw, my name isn't Steve. He tried to stick his dick in a paper shredder last week and is out on medical right now. I'm filling in. Names Rich.
>>672768984
Reply All: (all)@computek.net
unsubscribe
>>672763436
I saw a pudding in there with my name on it, just figured it was a gift. Sorry
>>672769520
Dear Steven
CURRENT YEAR
U
R
R
E
N
T
Y
E
A
R
John Oliver
Cuck
Hello Sir, as much as it pains me to say this, I will be going to Syria to fight degenerates.
John Johnson
Degenerate Killer
>>672763839
-.-
[email protected]
I apologize for this but my wife's water has just broken. I will make up the hours, but I need to go help her.
Dominic
IT
>>672769603
>>672769603
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
I'll come around after lunch the 16th.
Thanks for the help.
Shaun
Regional Accounts
>>672764428
But they're soo cuute
>>672767480
>CZ office
Regards,
Irate Mexican
To all that are concerned
Fuck you
>>672768168
You might want to clean that photo copier, some jackass photocopied like 10,000 pictures of his balls in it
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Security
>>672765977
Cameron,
Nice dubs yourselfe.
Ulf, Janitor
Who patched the glory hole in the bathroom? If we could get that hole back that would be great, not just for me but for everyone else in this shit hole of an office.
Thanks
-Christina
Secretary Mondays-Fridays My breaks at 12:00 and another at 2:00 Just so you all know :)
To all employees,
The cats I keep letting loose to control the rodent problem keep disappearing. Any thoughts?
PS: I don't want to insinuate Chong is eating them, but I chink he is.
Staff,
It has come to my attention that many complaints towards a particularly employee (Karen) have been received. Please stop bombarding HR with emails as, due to budget cuts, this employee (Karen) will be terminated by the end of the week.
Thank you
David
Regional Manager
Pic related
Boss I might shoot up the office if candy from accounts payable doesn't let me cum on her feet.
- Dan from IT
>>672770334
Dear Christina
Have you seen he film chef?
Also you belong in the kitchen
-Drew Peacock
>>672770334
Hey, Rich from security here. That was another order from corporate. Contact HR.
From: [email protected]
To: [ALL]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: New E-mail Format
All staff,
please be advised that this is the NEW e-mail format we will be using here at 4chin.
If anyone has any questions regarding the new format, please send a letter accompanied with a stool sample to the IT department
regards,
Glen
BOH IT department.
>>672770325
Jerry:
Please direct your e-mails of that nature to our maintenance/facilities team. While we are called Human Resources we do not deal with the clean up of humans!
As a side note, please do not forget to sign up for the bowling event next month!
John McGruber
HR Manager
>>672767995
That whiteboard was a gift from my mother-in-law. And it clearly states in my cubicle rules that it is a permanent marker free zone. The smell gives me migraines.
>>672770120
Dominic,
Take the rest of the week off. Paid. You do good work here. Send your wife my regards.
David
Regional Manager
>>672770648
Rich!
Shaun, from RA's. Can we just talk about this cat thing here in person?
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
The software should finish compiling in a week. We're taking lunch
>>672770120
Re:My Waifu
Dear David,
Noone wants to hear your stupid attempts at convincing us you're straight. We all know your "wife" is just a cutout from a fucking sears catalog. Enjoy your time with whoever youre meeting from manjam.com and just make up the hours next week.
Gerald,
IT Manager
P.S: Stop filling up the file server with your fucking gay humiliation porn, Ken keeps complaining.
>>672761865
sorry i got our ip banned again from 4chan
>>672770503
David:
Thank you. I am glad to see all of our meetings have finally come to fruition in regards to Karen's performance and behavior. I think the whole office will breathe a sigh of relief when she leaves for good.
John McGruber
HR Manager
>>672769157
Interns are on the 12th floor, so it'd be up on the 14th floor, Mr. McQueerson.
>>672770600
Hi Dan,
Stop being a faggot and just suspend her user account until she lets you do it.
Joe
IT Department
>>672771004
Thanks Joe appreciate your help.
Dan
IT
>>672770802
Shaun, sure. This is how i figure it. If you want to keep doing it go ahead. Just no more witnesses. Also, make sure the cameras can't see you. They'll all me to investigate. I can't if there's nothing to go on.
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find another
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
>>672761865
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: important brief
Body: more like compukek amirite?
From: Ross
Hey guys, this is an office wide memo, I was wondering if anyone could get me up to speed on what the office is like, it's my first day here.
Thanks guys!
Ross Jones
IT
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find anothe
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
John McGruber,
This is R&D, we could really use some new interns. the old ones are beginning to realize they can get paid.
Jake
R&D
>>672770763
Mine too, and pass my schedule along to her. She has a right to know when I'm available now that you'll be raising a child.
Bill Hungheavy
Marketing
>>672770691
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
BCC: [ALL]
Subject: RE: RE: FW: RE: FW: New E-mail Format
Glen,
Go fuck a goat. Ain't nobody going to go through all that formatting bullshit. Also, quit tipping your fedora at me. I BCC everybody so that everybody knows that I'm telling you off. Get on my level, bitch.
Kind Regards,
Faggotty McQueerson
CEO, CFO, COO, C3P0
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find anoher
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
I accidentally ejaculated on my computer and it gummed up the fan.
>>672761865
Good Afternoon David,
I am pleased to inform you that your immediate supervisor have discussed your performance and decided that you are now a fish.
Sincerely,
Lightfoot Brutus - Reality Training Specialist Tier3
>>672771149
Can you keep an eye on the cameras for me? My MBA in operations didn't exactly cover security cameras... *hearty but nervous chuckle*
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say br you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find another
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
>>672769243
I use Jerry's private laptop to look up my porn,not the shitty dinosaurs we have at the office. I'm surprised everybody who knows how to maintain them haven't keeled over yet, hasn't it been like 400 years. Anyways, Fuck off Mr. "The IT Department"
Karen
>>672767519
Dave:
Last time we did that was years ago when we put a cam in a DDR game
>>672771222
Ross,
I regret to inform you that your application and resume were misfiled. You do not actually have a job here. I meant to call you last Wednesday. You're free to leave.
My apologies.
David
Regional Manager
>>672768984
Re:Re:Dead Cats
Hey Shaun, I've got some extra buckshot and my niece's cat had a litter of like 7. Team hunting?
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Security
(P.S: it's the good lead stuff too, none of that copper bullshit.)
>>672761865
So yeah David I wanted to ask you, does anyone actually read what gets put in to the suggestion box? Because I've been putting "Change the name of the company to CompuKek" in there for 6 years and haven't heard a thing about it. Do you know if anyone has talked about it or not?
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find another
Teach you a lesson and take back my colour
>>672771222
Hey Ross can you help me with this?
>>672771406
>>672771222
If you're going to be producing trips on a level like you are now, regional accounts is happy to have you.
Welcome to the computek team!
Shaun
Regional Accounts
Hi Everybody,
We've just set up a new ticketing system to centralise all your reported IT problems. Please send all queries to the new address:
[email protected]
Thanks,
IT Department
From: [email protected]
To: [ALL]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: Bring your kids to work day.
Hey guys,
As i'm sure most of you are aware, tomorrow is bring your kids to work day.
I'm e-mailing to find out if my children will be molested complementary of the company or will we have to pay an additional fee for molestations?
I can assure you my son is easily molestable and won't give anybody any trouble. He is naturally curious and loves keeping secrets.
Anyway, let me know!
Jerry
Finance & Administration
>>672771279
Jake:
As I told you last week, we have to pay our "diverse" interns. If we don't it makes us look bad and we don't need any more bad limelight after your "side project" escaped last year and almost chewed that woman's hand off.
I'll go into our payroll and do what I can but you need to keep the lab secure at all times. I'm still getting my ass chewed from that lawyer.
John McGruber
HR Manager
>>672771596
gay
>>672766726
Glansberg sounds like the last name of a Jewish penis.
Re:vacation
Tristan,
as I have stated multiple times before your "Grandma dieing of cancer" is not a viable excuse to ask for days off.
Hope your doing well
PS: Pic related
Greg Bronson
Senior Co-manager
Computek
>>672771279
RE: Interns
McGruber
We don't need to worry about firing the old interns but we will need those "accidental injury" forms. About 5 should do.
Also we are now in dire need of interns
>>672771653
Looking forward to meeting all your kids! Can't wait :)
Jared
Public Relations
>>672771581
I ejaculate in the suggestion box during break, so they suggestions get smell/spoiled and are thrown out.
>>672771453
I can try, but at the same time i can't have any unexplainable gaps in footage. I tell you what i can do though. I'll send you a copy of the camera locations and coverage area for each unit. It'll be up to you to time it just right.
Attn: all staff
We will be upgrading all the computers to Gentu. It's time to get us off that useless bot net.
-Daniel
IT Sr. Advisor
>>672771565
David,
I don't care. I've given up on my job search and I'm locking myself in this cubicle. In the circumstance where someone manages to evict me, I'm at the very least taking all of these company pens.
Ross Jones
Squatter
>>672771610
Try using fire.
>>672769001
My department is participating in the Ubuntu test rollout and we're taking the top 8 floors for paintball. Anyone interested can just reply to this mail blast.
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Security
>>672771791
End my life
Thanks, Richard from PR
To: All
I don't know who brought the ham and cheese on whole wheat that was in the refrigerator, but I think your mayonnaise has gone bad. It had a funny taste. I just thought you'd like to know so that you don't get sick.
Regards,
Robert
>>672771566
Jerry,
And here I was thinking I had no friends around the office. I'll have my people talk with your people. I've linked my assistant's email.
[email protected]
Regards,
Shaun
Regional Accounts
>>672772005
*climbs above your cubical and ejaculates on you.
>>672771803
RE:RE: Interns
I'll make sure to send you the form in a .pdf format again so that you can easily print them off when the need arises. You can then print as many as you would like!
John McGruber
HR Manager
P.S. If you haven't, please make sure you sign up for the bowling event next month.
>>672772114
To Robert
Those are daddies cummies
Thanks for the thought, daddy
>>672770325
I've taken the time to go buy a nice Nikon camera with the company's tech budget and I've taken an individual picture of every photocopy of "balls". I'll forward them all to you once I get them off these damn floppy discs
>>672771943
Daniel,
You furry toothed wheezers in the basement can do whatever you want. The rest of us have work to do.
-Frank
>>672771929
Sounds like a plan. If you ever need anything (and I mean anything) you know where RA's is. 316 is my office number.
>>672772273
1 cummie 2 cummie 3 cummie 4
>>672770387
I rove cats. I nevr do anyfing to harrm dem.
>>672772005
Ross,
CC: Brick
Brick down in security would be happy to oblige.
David
Regional Manager
We're cutting
Down on supplies
Daniel
>>672771943
Hang on, was the security group supposed to be in on this rollout? We got switched to Ubuntu while the mind slaves in Programming & Software were finishing our new proprietary build for the Security Department.
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Security
>>672772175
John:
Forgot about bowling. Are we getting free pitchers of beer again this year?
Wally
Engineering
>>672770503
I can never stop seeing what she did to Big Dave. It doesn't go away!
>>672771453
To: [email protected]
From [email protected]
Re: pdf attachment
Shaun, here is that paperwork you and i discussed. Once again call me if you have any questions. Thanks.
Rich - security lead
Candy from accounts payable guys anyone want to fuck?
>>672772565
DAMN DANIEL!
XDDDD
Staff,
As you know, we have been contemplating a merger with Cuckitron Global lately. We would like to hear anyone but Shaun's opinions regarding the matter.
Also, remember that next Monday is say no to darkies day, as is every day here at Compukek.
Reginald B. Checkenkek
Assistant Senior Regional Manager
PS: these are words
>>672772273
Daddy,
No, I think you're thinking of the wrong sandwich. Your cum-wich was probably the one that the secretarial pool was fighting over this morning.
-Robert
>>672761865
this job doesnt drug test does it?
>>672771943
>
RE: computer upgrade
It's spelled Gentoo, you piece of shit. Do you even POSIX, bro?
Regards,
Faggotty McQueerson
>>672772582
Wally:
I think we can make some room in the budget for that, so long as we get at least 30 employees to go.
Nothing goes better than bowling and a brew, am I right?
John McGruber
HR Manager
>>672772273
Im going to need to speak to you in my office NOW!
>>672772710
Robert,
Fuck.
-Daddy
>>672772175
Thanks!
Wally, "the machine", and I will be participating. if more people for a team are needed we will build more teammates
>>672772767
If you're not on drugs you're fired.
>>672772953
If you say so
-Daddy
>>672770924
Damn it. You know how long it takes to get a new IP? Maybe if you spent a day down here in IT you'd understand.
Eric
From: [email protected]
To: [ALL]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: Dan in Customer Service
HR would like to make everyone aware than Dan from Customer Service has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. It is a concern to HR that Dan may use this as an excuse to not work to the standard we expect here at 4chin.
A reminder to all staff:
If you see Dan slacking, acting sickly or throwing up chemo vomit in the bathrooms please strongly remind him to get back to work immediately.
We are a team and we expect everyone to carry their own weight.
Thank you for understanding
Raoul Burke
General Manager
>>672772549
David
I have fashioned the pens into some sort of makeshift spear using your stapler, some tape, and a few paperclips. I have also stolen the water cooler and am making armor from it. Have you considered hiring me instead of brick, I am clearly better equipped.
Ross Jones
Warrior
>>672773006
Wally "the machine" (aha, I like that!)
Get to it. Just make sure you fill out an individual application for each "employee" that you find to go.
John "the rock" McGruber
HR Manager
>>672772533
Ching all you want Chong, but I've got the slant on this story.
This can't be as bad as the animal testing at my old job
Is it bad that I let a bunch of furfags in?
Eric, from checking
>>672773100
To: HR
From: ReasearchandDev
No worries. All R&D employees strictly enforce this by law
Jake
Engineering Management
>>672773370
where did you work?
We need to realign our objectives on our visual management boards to better guide our cost saving intiatives through levels L2 through L4. You'll be available for the all day workshop tomorrow right?
-David Davidson, Lead Executive Middle Assistant Engineering Manager
>>672773255
Raoul,
By sending such information you are in violation of HIPAA and it is a federal crime to divulge sensitive medical information.
I have scheduled a meeting with you later this afternoon.
To all who are curious, Dan does not have a brain tumor. Please disregard Raoul's message and carry on.
John McGruber
HR Manager
>>672773585
i worked at a hammer factory
>>672772807
Re Computer Upgrade
The only people who give a shit about POSIX are dead. We stripped all of that out of our code base years ago because it was all framework and no real functionality.
-Rich
Dev Lead
To: All Staff
Cc:
Bcc:
Subject: Nigger
Attachment:
I hate all of you; if you need me, I'll be drinking bleach in the break room.
>>672773284
Ross
Let's make a deal. If you can best Brick you may have his job, but you'll only receive the $4.25 an hour he did.
David
Regional Manager
To: All
Hey Baby,
Do you want to meet for a quickie in the executive washroom while those assclowns are across town in their meeting? You look so hot in that skirt and heels. I'm going to pound you into the wall so hard you won't be able to sit right all afternoon.
-James
>>672773140
'shuts door'
God damn it Daddy this is the second "cummie jar" this year. Do you really want to keep your job? Jan on the next floor is really eyeing your spot and shes a hard worker and i would save money hiring a woman. so you better think twice next time your emptying a load into a mayonnaise.
Dont let it happen again or God as my witness i will have you working in Blithe selling rocks like a spic.
Now get back to work.
NETWORK MESSAGE:
Ports 22 and 25 are overriding the session
EMERGENCY ALERT FROM:
Network & Building Security
Attention! someone has stolen the cardboard box of buckshot from my office as well as the portable hard drive that carried the backup image for the authentication servers. If anyone notices any suspicious activities or anyone that looks like they just jacked it to 3TB of lesbian porn in 4K, please report it directly to my office so that proper action can be taken.
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Secuirty
>>672773391
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re:furries
A formal complaint has been filed with my office regarding you allowing furries into the complex. I've taken the liberty of alerting corporate and your mom. One said you've been naughty, the other said you're fired and top be removed from the grounds at once. Unfortunately I've list the email and don't remember which was which.
Regards,
Rich - security lead
>>672773284
Ross
I have repurposed the copier to expel the excrement and testicular photographs contained at high speeds. I have successfully sliced one of those damned cats in half.
Come at me, bitch.
Stewart Stuyvesant
Steward
>>672773912
To: All
RE: James would like to recall this message
Hehe just kidding everybody March 7th Fools Day :)
>>672773616
To: David
From: Jake
Yes sir, once our BOM is finished we can finish the PCBs I will be available. In regards to the workshop be advised all safety standards must be met. please wear a lead cup this time. I know you and Sally are still having trouble having kids from the last workshop
>>672773918
Lmao Janet takes my cummies all the time there is no escape from the cummies of daddy, no,escape.
-Daddy
>>672773666
Re: Dan in Customer Service
John:
Should we also not divulge that the cancer was caused by someone telling him that the body scanner prototype we were building for the TSA was a tanning booth? We never could get that damn thing calibrated. Johnson made popcorn with it.
Wally
Dan here
I think I might kill you all tomorrow morning. My head really hurts too.
Dan
IT
>>672773810
David
It's a deal. Send him to my lair at cubicle 87b at his earliest convenience. Make sure to tell him to stand on the large, red "X" symbol outside the barricade, directly below the dozens of staplers before attempting to enter.
Ross Jones
Warrior
>>672774082
Stewart
You can fight me after I take care of that weakling Brick. You're next.
Ross Jones
Arch-nemesis
>>672763655
Jesus Jim!
You misfiled your dubs, we received a giant order of Trap porn.
>>672766617
Chains,
I request you please stop bringing your weapons to work - Hoxton is not here.
Please go retrieve Hoxton, the IT Department is severely without him,
- Dallas
>>672761865
It essentially becomes space station 13 except everyone is a clown with atro glide.
>>672774377
Dan:
But you have a nice tan for March, right?
Wally
>>672774284
Wally:
You know as well as I do that all aspects of "Project: Future" are on a need-to-know basis. If you speak about it you will be terminated on the spot and forfeit all of your 401k contributions.
Does that answer your question?
John McGruber
HR Manager
P.S. I see you still haven't signed up for the bowling event. Please do so at your earliest convenience.
>>672773666
The security department is happy to inform you that the keyloggers and webcam monitors you placed have been cleanly removed from all of the employees personal devices after gathering 30TB of data (available in the drop server under the executive partition) and all potential evidence in your upcoming criminal stalking trial has been destoryed.
Bob Jonesberg
-Head of Server Security and Management
>>672774284
Wally
It was damned good popcorn. I also make moonshine in the 9th floor bathroom, if you're interested.
Johnson Johanson
Janitor
To:all
Check 'em
-Daddy
>>672774807
Oh shit timestamp
Dear all,
I have began to foment insurrection and am looking for others to join me.
Garrett
Senior Sales
>>672774655
Dan
I didn't even get tan and I am puking every 2 hours. My head hurts a lot. My bones ache. My hair is falling out. I have no appetite. Really getting angry. I might kill everyone.
Dan
IT
>>672766617
Also,
Please have Gerald >>672765895 look at the regular drills.
They keep jamming while we're... You know... "On the job".
Once again,
- Dallas
Dear Staff,
I regret to inform you that we have not been meeting our quota for the last 8 months. We have been struggling to keep things together, however we do not have the budget to continue our current investments. Because of this we will be doing a large amount of lay offs throughout all of our branches. I am sorry. Goodbye and best of luck on your journey ahead.
Sincerely, James Rustle
Founder and Owner of Computek
>>672775044
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find another
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
To: Security
From: R&D
attachment: Accidental_injury_or_death_Form.pdf
To whom it may concern there is a radiation leak on L3 Marketing. I have some forms that you may want to distribute.
>>672774783
Bob:
Thank you with your assistance in "Project: Seek n' Destroy."
I will review the data in the coming weeks and will schedule a meeting with you to discuss my findings. Like I said during our first meeting, you chose well to side with HR.
John McGruber
HR Manager
P.S. Please sign up for the bowling event next month.
>>672774921
Dear all
Garrett is an assfag who can't foment his way out of a paper bag.
Todd Butters
HR-PES
Dear all
Stop playing the Leffen diss track, i want to cut
My b
Garret
Can i please get security to floor 1. There a wild Nigger here and he looks very angry. hes asking for a Mr. Wally
>>672775248
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Thanks, I'll pass them out to the dept heads on my next rounds.
Rich - security lead
>>672775295
To: Todd Butters
From: Jake
I heard Garret would be available as an intern. Please send him our way,
thanks
Jake
R&D
>>672775546
Never let a nigger in. EVER
-Mr. Boss man guy
>>672775546
Hey this is Rich from security. Go ahead and have him sit down. Wally has been notified and is on his way down.
Dave what in the blue hell has been going on there all day? I had to send this email as soon as i got a call from the fbi, they said a huge faggotry ring has been exposed right under your nose at my company. I think you should know im furious, you should an hero before i get there regards CEO Fa Glord
WHO THE FUCK KEEPS STEALING MY MEMS
Love
The Mem Master/Nigger Hunter
Shaun, I found the buckshot. The cats are somewhere between floors 20 and 35. The calico's are worth 25, tabbies are worth 10, all others are worth 5, kittens can be traded for extra ammo. Loser has to chug a whole bottle of the janitor's toilet moonshine before the meeting. Let the hunt begin.
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Security
>>672775489
I'm not lawful , make this pussy stop talking
You're not one of the gods, you're one of the god awful
We all gawking when looking at your fox
Take it to Smash 4 and lose it by four stocks
Not standing your style
You ain't standing your ground
Get wins while kicking a man when he's down
Like, "I beat mango, I'm the favorite if he chokes!
As far as Armada goes, I'll just wait 'til he's a host."
Ain't no telling how foolish you'll be looking
Evidence dot zip can't contain the ass whooping
Right when we realize the money match is over
That will be your cue to throw your controller
Expose you as a fraud
Yeah I'll be blowing you up
Who said you were a god?
I know it wasn't Plup
Been here ten years and you know I'm showing up
For a man of many words, I think you've said enough
But, The only way to make you hush
I'll body bag your fox then Dot zip it shut
Put you in your place
Kid, you're a disgrace
Get killed quick like that missile hit you in the face
After all of this you'll be watching your mouth
Ain't no telling who'll be calling you out
When salty suite comes down
You better come correct
Until you win a major show your elders some respect
P.S. Leffen I ain't done yet
I'm the underdog so place your bets
Who ever want to see Leffen looking dumb
Throw your money on the line cause I'm making some
Gotta say bro you're looking awfully weak
Wait and see what happens at the salty suite
Vanilla fox don't suit you so go find another
Teach you a lesson and take back my color
>>672775713
Ill try and tell him to leave but he keeps pushing his way back in say he "Dindu Nuffin"
im sorry sir I dont speak negro and im scared for my life cant you at least send Richard down here.
David,
Anon wont stop being a fucking faggot when im working. When he does stop or takes his break he's gobbling cocks down constantly when im working and making calls. Honestly I dont know what to do, could you transfer him to another team or office?
MOOT
Moderator
>>672775867
oh thank you so much. ill try and sign to him to sit down
>>672775975
Fuck that shit
-Richard
>>672775546
Janice
Cannot spare personnel, additional pylons under construction. You have plenty of makeshift weapons at your fingertips.
Glenn Gary Ross
Securitahh
My outhouse needs some remodeling, see you tomorrow boss.
>>672776166
Dear Janice
You want daddies cummies
-Daddy
>>672774954
Subject: Dan
John:
I have a ton of vacation and PTO saved up, I'll be on PTO the rest of the week.
Wally
I'm sorry to interrupt, but is there a "Mike Hunt" on this floor? I have a letter for Mike Hunt
Jim
Mailroom
>>672773810
David
Brick has fallen. Send a janitor to clean his bloody corpse from the floor of my new office and inform the IT department that they are under the rule of a new king.
Ross Jones
Warlord
Office-wide notice. All cubicles next to cubicle 87b have hereby been requisitioned for Ross Jones, your new leader. Thank you for your understanding.
Ross Jones
Warlord
>>672775546
>>672775546
He's wearing a hoodie and looks like he beats his wife from what I can tell. I'm hiding on the second floor in my office, on the phone with the police. Whatever you do don't let him in the building, tell him Wally is in conference.
-David
>>672776310
Yes that's me just read it aloud
>>672776310
Jim
Yeah im Mike Hunt, who's it from?
Mike Hunt
CEO
>>672776089
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: gigga nigga
Janice, Wally is a little bitch and won't come down. The swat team has been called. They're en route. Just hold on.
Rich - security lead
>>672776310
Jim
That's for me, thank you
Mike Hunt
Gynecology
Is this were i spend my Shrute bucks op?
>>672776546
>>672776458
But who???
>>672775867
Wally here,
I need to get into the security office and sign out a side arm before meeting with "angry nigger guy"
Thanks,
Wally
Hey guy,
sorry to interrupt, but I'm just warning everyone that I'll be microwaving some kimchi again. So, if everyone could not make jokes about the smell. That would be fantastic.
-Chris
>>672776268
Wally
PTO requests must require at least 2 weeks notice. If you leave, you will not be paid and they'll be taken out of unpaid personal days. Also I caught Dan trying to shave his head with a letter opener to fake these symptoms.
David
Regional Manager
>>672775626
Hey Rich, after you're excellent performance this quarter (nice one with the radiation leak, you really saved our asses) I've decided to promote you from General Security Lead to Chief of Complex Security. You report directly to me now. My secretary will show you to your new office.
-Jerry
Director of Network & Building Security
>>672776267
This isnt the time for jokes Daddy. This nigger is starting to smell the place up and he keeps undressing me with his eyes i think im going to get raped!
>>672776709
I didn't get the email right away as I was sneaking a smoke in the stairwell. I'm on my way down as soon as security lets me in
Wally
Where's the fucking janitor!? Shitter's clogged
Cat hunters
I respect your dedication to the sport, but y'all better not touch my shitshine.
Johnson Johanson
Janitor
>>672776546
It says that your dad died
Jim
Mailroom
>>672776709
Wally
I have my pen sword on hand, I'll accompany you. I'll bring Brick's head mounted on it, it should intimidate him. David, you better give me hazard pay for this.
Ross Jones
Warlord
>>672776637
Jim
Their should be gun in the onvelope, there can only be one, i've know you since you started in the mailroom, I've even gone to your kids birthday for christ sakes, IM THE REAL ONE SHOOT HIM.
The Real Mike Hunt
CEO
>>672776800
Dan
That's fucking bullshit and you know it. Starting to think that tanning Boothe gave me cancer. I am going to sue this whole fucking place. How's that sound ?
Dan
IT
>>672776805
You're right I'm sorry. Niggers are taking over the world. It's very serious
-Daddy
>>672776709
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Re: firearms
Wally, we dont have any. They were stolen to pay for the CEO's jaguar repairs after the cat got nailed to his car. Youre on your own.
Rich - security lead
Sir, phone sex lady on line 1. Shall I forward her in?
>>672777035
I'm quitting
Jim
Mailroom
>>672776957
Jim
Good that guy was a cunt, thanks for the good news.
The Real Mike Hunt
CEO
