ITT: We all work at the same company Part 2
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: We all work at the same company
Part 2
*peaks over cubicle*
Ay.
.....
Ay! Pstttt
At Robert you see the lakers beat the Warriors last night? Good shit aha. I'm almost done with the originations by the way.
>>672638640
Dear Jerry,
Could you please turn down your music. Thanks
Tom
>>672638640
RE: Gaming PC
Rick, I'm sorry to say but your son is a massive faggot.
~Jordan
P.S., if you find any naked bananas on your son's PC, you should probably kill him.
>>672638893
Shut up... I'm still pissed that I can't work out how to stream it on this new Mac
Fucking Daniel from IT
>>672639026
Ah, that's me. Sorry I just love Skrillex.
~Jordan
>>672639121
DANIEL. WHERE IS MY DELL.
~Jordan
>>672639218
Just arrived today, what software you want on it?
Daniel - IT
>>672638893
could you keep it down, please. imma trying to work here, jees.
>>672639327
Linux, are you insane? What else?
~Jordan
>>672639337
Who the fuck is that guy??? I haven't seen him round the office before.
Attn: ALL EMPLOYEES
In case you didn't get the last email, i need you all to bring me at least one box of Sudafed, two matchbooks, and a bag of iodized salt.
I will NOT be taking another pay cut because Jerry #2 snorted all the fucking coke again
-James, CNC
P.S. enjoy your macbooks faggots
*goes and steals all the toilet paper out of the dispensers to take home*
>>672639509
I'm enjoying my Dell, fag. And I'm not getting my pay cut, they don't know I work here.
~Jordan, Senior Manager of IT Interns
>>672639428
I said software!!! Not operating system!
I've already said countless times, the while office is going Windows 10!
This is a company directive and non negotiable
Daniel -IT
Samantha,
I will not be bringing blueprints to engineering for corrections any longer. I guess I'm going to have to figure them out myself
-James, CNC
Hey guys, sorry to using the companies e-mail to mail you this, but I think you will like it. It's a funny picture of poor people. LOL
>>672639634
>take your chair while your gone
>suddenly have rolling couch
>>672639666
You (SATAN) shithead. Guess I'll have Steam, chan for 4Chan, and other shit added. Go preloaded.
Attn: all staff
Subject: Anti virus software
Contrary to popular belief...yes Macs can get viruses too. Please make sure you follow this link and set it up ASAP
http://www.avg.com/dk-en/for-mac
>>672639498
He's working in the kitchen. And you should get back to work. Now!
>>672640012
Luckily, I'm sitting here on my Dell with only 2 thousand ignored threats.
~Jordan
>>672639880
Ok will do this afternoon
Upgrade you to Google Ultron if you like too :)
Dave? DAVE?!
Anyone seen Dave in here? I got some Legal papers delivered at the reception. Something about your Ex wife.
Also Samantha the floor manager wants to speak to you in private.
Brita, Reception
>>672640153
YES.
And set up a bitcoin operation for me please, I'd like that. Did I mention this is my dad's company?
~Jordan
>>672640119
Jordan... Wtf I pre-installed AVG for you. Don't tell me you turned it off...
Daniel -IT
>>672640153
I think I'll go with firefaux 12, thanks
>>672640235
Fuck off Brita, Samantha can do her own thing without you needing to say it. Jeez.
-Anomylous
>>672640356
Dude... Even you know that shit gets annoying.
~Jordan
>>672638640
Sandra,
>b..ba..back it....back it up
-Eric from IT
>>672640235
Brita
You ate the chicken salad in the fridge. You do not know who I am, but you will pay for this. Leave $4 in the planter by the front door or legal action will be put on your ass.
>>672640388
What the actual fuck
I'm not seeing that shit up. You're on your own
Daniel -IT
WHO THE FUCK DRANK THE COKE IN THE FRIDGE?
-John
>>672640648
That ain't me. All for Google Ultron.
~Jordan
Hi all, Just a friendly reminder to try to encourage synergy in the office this week. We really want that new roberts account. So let's show our pubertuity and really amazewow the socks off of our clientfriends.
Billy Jackson
-Head of kissing the bosses Dick and corporate buzzword bouncing fuck head.
Am I the only one that's at work IRL?
>>672640537
Eric, welcome back from holiday!
Hey can you go sort the plefora of viruses on Jordan's Dell... He turned avg off again
Daniel - IT
Attn: all staff
Subject: Vending Machines
WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE NO REESES PIECES?
Adam
>>672640878
Someone fire this dipshit
~Jordan
>>672640388
>>672640648
>>672640736
Sorry, this was me.
-James, CNC
>>672641049
Sorry, I have a sweet tooth.
Completely unrelated note, do you see an atm anywhere? I need a few ones.
~Jordan
>>672641062
Get trump onto that
Sssssssssssssssssssss burn
#Clinton2016
Daniel -IT
Do not use my stapler or markers without asking
~Joseph
P.S.
My computer is slow and it's hard to watch videos
Can someone from IT come to the front desk in the reception? I have no internett again. And I keep getting these annoying pop up ads, whenever I open internet explorer
Also I did not eat the chicken salat I am vegan.
I don't support the horrific slaughter of innocent animals.
Brita, Reception
>>672641002
Sure Dan. Ill cc you in my email
>>672640736
Dear Jordan,
Im on my way to check your desktop, please finish all work and save.
Thank you,
>>672641124
James, first a Windows 7 theme...now Firefox?
You need to move on bro
Attn: All
Not going to name any names, but it has been brought to my attention that someone has been stealing the rolls of toilet paper from the bathroom in the west hall for personal use at home. While we are always happy to help one another out, I have contacted hr and they are willing to take the appropriate measures to stop this. So please stop. Also, you may wear green dress shirts in observation of Saint pattys day. Have fun and carry on!
Sebastiana,
Regional VP of sales
>>672641292
Got it. Just gotta delete this loli...
>>672641279
Hello Brita,
Someone will be with you shortly, I am busy attending to other personell.
>>672639804
Hey, that was me three years ago. Come'on Richard, take that pic down.
>>672641002
No, let him sort it out himself because...reasons
-James, CNC
P.S. Not saying Sandra can't do her job or anything. She does it wonderfully :)
I just don't think she should have to go through the trouble.
P.S.S. No, i promise she didn't ask me to write this
P.S.S.S. No, I'm not the one who fixed it last time
>>672641279
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Is the network cable definitely plugged in?
Daniel -IT
Attn: all staff
Subject: Missing tea
Please whoever has stolen my tea from the second floor kitchen return it at your earliest convenience.
The tea is 50 year old extracted from the Himalayan mountains.
Kindest Regards
Jeffrey
Accounts
Just a heads up guys, don't get too attached to your Macbooks just yet. I heard somewhere that we might be making cuts in the budget which include IT. We're probably fucking switching back to lenovo...~ Tim from IT
Who let the damn Jews out of their oven before I had a chance to flip it on again? They'll scuttle right back into the walls. I haven't had a chance to call that goddamn handyman so he can plug up that hole.
Hey guys,
Anyone remember last years holiday party? Never seen boss so happy. Only 5 days til friday! Have a great week!
-Eric, IT
Hi all,
Just a friendly reminder that Friday is demin jeans and silly hat day. So wear a pair of jeans and a funny hat if you want. It will be a great day!!
Billy Jackson
-Head of kissing the bosses dick and buzzword bouncing fuck head.
>>672641510
Dear Jeffrey,
Your tea was pic related. My cat was feeling under the weather, so I used it for an enima on him. He's drinking his bum-tea nonstop now. My lawyer will contact you shortly.
Sincerely,
Trey from custodial
Who SHIT in the coffee pot! I'll bet it was one of you lazy ass Mexicans. There are going to be some lay offs around here.
Pres. Trump
Attn: IT
Subject: Upgrade
Hey IT,
I hear we are upgrading to raspberry pis soon, just google them and they look pretty cool and fast - better than these big black things under our desks!
Kindest Regards
Jeffrey
Accounts
>>672641521
Who the fuck is this guy?
WTF... This is my project, why wasn't I consulted??!!
Daniel -IT
Send to: Company
RE:RE:RE:FW:FW:RE:RE:RE:FW Hilarious!
Becky, Accounting
Hi all,
Just wanted to remind you know that it's that time of year again! If you want to sign onto our 401(k) plan, be sure to stop on by the breakroom. Let's chat about your financial sitch over a cup of joe.
~Stan McIrons Country Financial Senior Adviser
P.S.
Somebody please fix the coffee maker. Not exactly sure what beans you've switched to, but it sorta tastes like shit. Thanks again!
>>672641510
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re-Missing tea
I drank it. I will not stop until I find out who ate my salad.
>>672641881
Señor Trump, forgive me!
>>672641706
Hey billy,
Can I wear denim jeans without a silly hat? I have to pick up my kids at bible school after and I can't be showing up with such vulgarities. Hope you understand
Sally,
Head of replies all with a stupid question to a general email and mentions her stupid housewife schedule as an excuse as to why she should be exempt from some type of regulation
>>672641541
Subject: Out of the oven, into the Fire.
So about them jews.
They ran into the company furnace and suffice
it to say, John the Executive Janitor has his work cut out for him.
On the other hand, your browsing history has been attached to all the financial reports of this months. What is this "trap" business?
Ron
Head of Finance
>>672641470
Yes. I have pushed the button on the pc several times. Nothing changes. It does not even close down the popup ads.
Also cable? I pulled it out and in I think. It was black with a gold connector that's the correct one right?
Not sure, what I am doing wrong here.
Brita, Reception
>>672642056
i fucking lold at that last sentence
This is dumb and stupid, I quit
~silly Willard
Ps fuck silly hat day
>>672641981
Jeffery,
You still haven't picked up your macbook and turned your old device in... It's been in my office for 2 weeks now.
Read your fucking emails Jeffery.
No one's been using desktops except reception.
Daniel - IT
Which one of you shitstains ate my fucking lunch???
>>672642087
To: [email protected]
Subject: Penis enlargement pills in the coffee.
The coffee is contaminated with Penis Enlargement pills. The female interns have raging clit boners at the moment. Please exercise caution when walking to the pantry.
Fred Goldfarb
HR manager
>>672642189
Who the fuck is John? I've been the janitor here for 7 years, picking up after all you autistic cookie salesmen on my own. Idk who John is, but I'm gonna rape him for taking that position from me.
-Trey from custodial
>>672641391
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Explicit content found in >>672641391 's deskop
Hello sir, I have found suspicious content on Jordans desktop. We may need to alert the authorities asap.
Eric, IT
>>672642099
Hey! You Paco, how'd you get past my wall!
Pres. Trump
>>672642246
Fwd: Eric
Can you sort her out?
Pretty sure she's playing dumb and hitting on me again
Daniel -IT
>>672641981
RE: upgrades
Nothing has been decided yet, but I doubt we are going to be using raspberry pi's anytime in the future. We still are having meetings about the current budgeting situation. If anything we will need machines that can run windows 7 enterprise. Raspberry Pi's can only run different branches of Linux which would take too long to get everyone used too.
~Tim, IT
>>672642485
I thought I deleted that shit, how'd you find out? There's no other methods to do that! I know, I'm a professional!
~Jordan
>>672642292
Re: I Quit BIIITCH
Mr. Willard, you've been threatening to leave the company for several weeks. Diane from accounts receivable also complained about an "incident" last week wherein you were purportedly seen shouting "Silly Hat Day is for nigger-faggots". Please come to my office immediately.
~Jeremy Bradbury (your manager)
>>672642137
I guess that would be OK Sally but try to if you can. We want to promote office team spirit and synergism to promote synergy in a synergistic office wowspace.
Billy Jackson
-Head of kissing the bosses Dick and corporate buzzword bouncing fuck head.
>>672641541
Uhp, there they go. Good job everyone! Big round of a applause! Now we have to call Adolph Extermination for the second time this week!
>>672642594
Fuck Tim!
Windows 10 and osX
It's a company directive!!!!
Daniel -IT
Subject: Strange smell in the break room
Hey everyone!
There is a strange smell coming from the fridge in the far break room. I've also noticed that there are clearish white fluid on peoples lunches. Please throw out your old food instead of leaving it. Also, whoever is leaving that fluid behind, STOP. I know what it is and I will go to HR.
Joe
IT
Dead body found in dumpster out back
I cut off the hand in case they need it for DNA testing when the garbage man comes
~Joseph
P.S.
Hand is in fridge until someone tells me who ate my salad
>>672642477
Trey,
Have you ever looked in the office next to the Executive Bathroom in the 14th Floor?
He's the guy that wipes the cumstains that get left behind whenever Rob and Jerry get done "Interviewing" the new Interns.
We briefed you about the position 2 months ago and you declined because you said Jerry was cuck. Jerry did not like that one bit, Trey.
Ron
Head of Finance
>>672642012
Sorry Daniel, this was just a rumor I heard from one of the CEO's a day ago. Meant to bring you up to speed on it but when I was informed of the possible situation and outcome you had already clocked out
Nothing is official yet, I'm just preparing for the late night moves our department is going to have to do again to get all the new equipment deployed... ~ Tim, IT
>>672642559
Dear Daniel,
Unfortunately, I am tending to a serious matter involving on of our employees and pornographic content found in their computer. I advise you continue aiding Ms. Britta until further notice.
Thank you,
Eric, IT
>>672642413
Hey half-witt, it's shit in the coffee. Just because you have a scat fetish doesn't mean it's Viagra!
Pres. Trump
>>672642477
Re: Re:
John, please stop using the terminals for asinine emails. And for the love of god, please mop up the "mess" in the breakroom. It turns out the coffee wasn't actually coffee, but manure.
~Jeremy Bradbury
Ok this is fucking office shooting everyone get the fuck down.
I hear someone here isn't too happy with their job. Might wanna be ready for some drama.
>>672642825
Re: Subject: Strange smell in the break room
Its just mayonaisse guise..
Hehehhe..he. No really you guys.
Bobby Fregley
IT Intern
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY LUNCH?! TIRED OF YOU FAGGOTS EATING IT EVERY DAY!
>>672643014
IT guy?
>>672642825
Re: Strange smell in the break room
JOE, DO *NOT* DRINK THE COFFEE!!!!
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672643071
I hate your lunch because no one fessed up who ate my salad
~Joseph
P.S.
I ate the maynoaise
To: [all]@4chinsinc.biz
From: [email protected]
Subject: friendly reminder
Hey everybody,
As you all may know, I've been your sole custodian for 7 years. Y'all definitely have improved from leaving turds in the urinals over the years, but we have to talk.
My mother is coming into town, and as I've mentioned before, I need to borrow a gun. Just need it for the day, and I'll return it all clean and wiped down.
Again, if anyone has a gun (preferably Handgun) I can borrow, let me know ASAP.
Thanks guys,
Trey from custodial
>>672643014
Someone call 911!
They got Larry! They fucking shot Larry!
>>672642957
Don't need to be so formal bro.... email audit isn't scheduled for another year.
All good... I'll sort it
Daniel - IT
>>672643228
MY NAME IS FUCKING DANIEL, YOU SHIT. I'M FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT HOLE.
>>672643014
Re: Erybuddy gon die
Oh well, I'm going out of this world the way I entered: torso-deep in pussy. Come get me, IT Guy.
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672642718
Re: douchebag manager
Hey "boss" maybe if you would do your damn job and quit writing so many emails this company wouldn't be in such a shit state.
Ps: fuck you I hope you enjoy your coffee you silly hat wearing nigger faggot.
And to the dumb birch who takes her kids to vbs just take the fucking hat off
~silly Willard
Attn: all staff
Subject: Email virus
Please be aware there's an email circulating with the subject: "free local tight pu55y, f1ll me up" - please do not click on the attachment in the email , it's a virus.
Apologies for the inconvenience.
Kindest Regards
Clive
IT Technician
>>672643466
Re: Erybuddy gon die
Is that a no on the raise then?
Shaniquanica Marvin
Sales Department
>>672642842
Ron,
DO NOT GO NEAR THAT MAN.
He's my second cousin, Oscar, and he is dangerous. He's criminally insane and has a hard case of schizophrenia. I'll grab the HR tard wrangler and get him the fuck out of here.
Thanks for telling me about Oscar,
Trey from custodial
>>672643610
Your title is like saying "The Sahara Desert"
>>672643466
SWEET JESUS, IT'S DANIEL. THIS AND THE GOD-DAMNED SEMAN SAUCE IN THE FRIDGE IS WHY I SNAPPED.
>>672642246
Hey Brita,
just been down at reception... your pop ups are a browser virus, i've cleared them all and installed google chrome with an add block. Please use that browser from now on. Internet explorer is really dated and slow.
As for internet dropping out, I see your ethernet cable has been kicked quite a bit down where you have your feet and busted the terminal going into the wall... I;v replaced the cable but try to be more careful in future please.
Thanks Brita,
Sorry I missed you, you must've been at lunch
Daniel - IT
>>672643336
Daniel,
You're right, taking this job too damn seriously. Still pissed about Daisy getting a pay raise after two months being here. Its the tits.
Eric, IT
>>672643071
I helped him, because i brought TWO FUCKING CASES OF HOT POCKETS and by the time i had finished the first one, the second one had only two left
-James, CNC
>>672643610
Why the fuck does HR keep employing more IT??!! me and Eric have this covered... damn new guys always wanting to get their first bulk email out.
Daniel
>>672643298
Got a glock 21, got you covered
-James, CNC
P.S. you're the only one who hasn't turned in your Sudafed, HURRY THE FUCK UP
>>672643610
RE: Email Virus.
Shit Clive. I wish you sent this email out sooner mate. It has infected the UK branch and shit is hitting the fan.
PS. Congrats on scoring the coke deal the other day. Me and the lads are right proud of you.
Oisin O'donald
4ChinsInc Operations Manager UK
>>672643284
Re: Re: Strange smell in the break room
WHAT THE HELL!? I'm goin to HR tomorrow morning! Kiss your job goodbye. Oh, I also CC Jill Reddick so she is aware.
Joe
IT
google.com
drinking semen symptoms=
Hi all,
Just a friendly reminder to reflect each others property especially in the lunchroom. We want to show am United wow front to our stall and clients alike. Remember our seminar on respectabuddy . We are all a team of synergistic wow hi five synergy amazapeople.
Billy Jackson
-Head of kissing the bosses dick and corporate buzzword bouncing fuckhead
BRITA, YOU'RE NEXT YOU WHORE
ATTENTION EMPLOYEES,
Daniel can't cover everything, so I was hired to do IT with him. I have a solid 40-day career, and I know what I'm doing.
Alex, new IT
>>672642995
Jerry,
That's not my name, and "John" has been dealt with.
On an unrelated note, The supply closet will smell like bleach for a few days because I spilled some bleach in there. The door is locked because I don't want you to accidentally bleach those Armani shoes you stole from your ex's lawyer. Top kek shenanigans, we'll have to drink again soon.
-Trey from custodial
>>672643754
I still can't believe that I'm the only one who can tell that she's a fucking trap
AND I'M A FUCKING HILLBILLY
-James, CNC
>>672643610
Re: Email virus
Pretty sure it has to do with the smell in the break room. Did you get my email?
Joe
IT
From: [email protected]
To: Ron Head of finance [email protected]
Private Mail. Important.
Ron, The Government is at the reception asking for All economical documentation for the last 5 years. They have a warrant.
To company staff. end of the months weekly wine lottery will not happen, due to last months "Incident", Eric.
Brita, Reception
>>672643610
Me, Eric and Daniel are still trying to finish the rebuilds from the last fucking email virus.... We better be getting a raise like Daisy di for having giant tits. ~Tim, IT
>>672643585
Re: EXPLETIVE manager
Mr. Willard, do I need to remind you that your sole immunity in this company is due to your relationship with Ms. Brenda Higgins, the CEO's daughter-in-law? I believe she left you because of what most of the office refers to as your mid-life crisis. This puts your employment status in a rather peculiar place. Come to my office now, otherwise we'll have to have the IT guy who's currently gunning down half the office come pay you a visit.
~Jeremy Bradbury (still your boss, but I'm evacuating asap. Will talk on Monday).
sally your shit stank dont even try to hide it, everybody knows it was you.
>>672643939
>>672643992
>>672643610
Fwd: Erin
WTF DUDE??? do they think we're shit or something? we get no respect man.
3 newbies in one fucking week. I'm not training them dammit! neither should you... just let em sweat for a while.
Daniel - IT
>>672643667
Re: Re: Erybuddy gon die
To be honest, Ms. Marvin, you're a boon, and I've never been able to pronounce your name. Good luck, don't get shot.
~Jeremy Bradbury (My grandfather owned slaves)
>>672643585
THIS
If you'd quit spending all the fucking company money on senior-citizen motorcycle races at road Atlanta, which you never win and usually wreck, MAYBE we could get some fucking progress on this place! I'm still running the same broken-ass end mills i was using in 1999!
-James, CNC
>>672643923
James,
Thanks, I'll be needing a .45! I'm really glad you offered before someone with a .380. I mean, I'd have accepted a .380, but only to avoid that awkward "thanks, but no"
The boss knows what I'm doing with my sudafed. It's all good. I'll have a new batch ready by Thursday. You still need an 8th?
-Trey in custodial
>>672644128
To: [email protected]
Stall them while I have the Interns carry out the
NEETBUX we've been hoarding in the stockroom next to the Bathroom on the 14th Floor. The documentation was supposed to be due next week. I literally have nothing to show for it right now, Brita. Flash them your tits, suck them off. Something. Just stall em.
Ron
Head of Finance
>>672643707
Daniel, why are you shooting people? Just kill yourself.
Love,
~Jeremy Bradbury (I'll give you a $0.50/hr bonus if you spare my life)
NOW WHERE'S THAT BITCH MARVIN?
>>672644128
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Was forwarded the e-mail. Deleted incriminating evidence. Release what we have.
>>672644292
Seriously, WTF. The company is talking about serious budget cuts and we're hiring on these sad sods and expected to train them with no extra pay?? ~Tim, IT
>>672644425
IT WAS YOUR FUCKING SEMEN IN THE FRIDGE
>>672644128
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Parking Space
You can take my salad, but you can't take my parking space. I had your shitty Toyota towed all the fuck back to the ghetto
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
So wanna get lunch one day this week?
Coffee shop down the road? My shout?
Daniel - IT
>>672644562
Daniel, you have no proof that is my semen. All of the CCTV footage has been erased.
>>672644437
YOU WHAT NIGGA?
OH SHIT NIGGA CALM DOWN!
AH GOTS LIKE FA KEEDS AT HOME.
I'll give yo cracka ass fa hunnit fiddy dallas if ya let me go.
Shaniquanica Marvin
>>672644292
Daniel,
If anything, gives us more time to restructure the databases after the hard drive failures. These poor desk monkeys will leave after they hear they realize what they got themselves into.
Eric, IT
>>672644521
Shut up Tim, I know what I'm doing. I installed Google Ultron on Joe's computer.
Alex, IT
>>672644562
I'll go clean it out
-Trey in custodial
>>672644292
RE: Fwd: Erin
Hi Daniel,
Nice meet you finally.
We the otherseas guys that have been brung in to help - we are in New Delhi.
My real name is Dhavinni not clive.
Also , please advise about antivirus upgrade and do the needful soon please.
Kindest Regards
Clive
IT Technician
>>672644702
Lol
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672644419
Yes, that would be great
How many rounds you think you'll need? I've got three 13-round mags
-James, CNC
Hey guys, I'm the new intern. Planning to get some job experience so I can work at Reddit someday. I'd really appreciate if anyone could show me around the office.
>>672644667
DON'T ACT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YOUR KIDS IN DUMPSTER WHEN THEY WERE BORN
>>672644653
JERRY CONFIRMED THE TASTE
>>672644683
Your still in orientation, you fucking plum... You don't even work for the company yet you tit. ~ Tim, IT
>>672644797
Sure. Here's the roof. Do a flip on the way down.
Alex, IT
>>672644653
Actually, someone tossed it into my cleaney-cart while I was making my rounds. I watched it....and you should come get it from my office/mop closet.
-Trey in custodial
>>672644709
Dhavinni,
Juan the Filipino IT guy finished the antivirus update and suffice it to say, the database has never been more fucked.
Can you do something about this?
PS. The virus has a cow logo on it.
Steven
Ops Manager
I COMBINED BLEACH AND WINDEX IN THE BATHROOM! EVERYBODY RUN, MUSTARD GAS!!
>>672644204
Re: widdy widdy
Well looks like it's a good time to deal with my "mid-life crisis" fuck it I been waiting to shoot up this place my self, seems like Bill could use a JavaScript-enabled extra hand as well.
,~silly Willard
>>672644797
Fuck you, kid. There's a live shooter in the office, pretty sure there's a baboon posing as a black woman, and someone planted my semen in the fridge. Get lost before this place sucks your soul out of your tiny urethra.
~Jeremy Bradbury (Your boss)
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672644854
Jerry's a liar, Daniel. Please stop shooting people. Still want that raise?
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672644903
Dammit Alex
>>672644938
I'M FUCKING INSANE
To: Company
From: [email protected]
Subject: Do not update to the latest Java
Hello Staff,
I must address a critical issue: Do NOT update to the new Java update. It has been known to crash certain applications. Daniel and I will get to the bottom of this. Until then, do not update to the new Java.
Thank you,
Eric, IT
>>672644895
Trey, report to my office immediately. Bring the tape.
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672644869
I worked at this company BEFORE it was bought by that Japanese faggot. I was let go erroneously. FUCK OFF TIM.
Alex, IT
>>672644986
I TRUST JERRY. HE REMEMBERS MY NAME EVERY TIME.
>>672644709
Clive
Thanks for your email.
Before we get on to the anti virus work I need you to order a few items for the server. Can you please get 10L headlight fluid, a server sponge, and a Ethernet ion flux capacitor here by Friday.
Many thanks
Daniel - IT
>>672638640
i'm gonna kill you all
>>672645012
WHY DANIEL? WHY???
I gave you my last pudding cup and you cap me in the fucking nut sack.
I thought we were bros, bro.
Chad Manning
HR Manager
>>672644204
Lol, i could see an email like this being sent in an active shooter situation
>>672644998
Wasn't me
Alex, IT
>>672644761
3 should be plenty. I'll buy my own ammo. I need to get silver bullets for my mother because she...err...only shoots the finest of ammo.
-Trey in custodial
>>672644935
Silly -- can I call you Silly? Do *not* join Daniel in his shooting spree. We can work something out. How does a $0.50/hr raise sound? Come see me in my office.
~Jeremy Bradbury (Not just your boss, but also your friend)
>>672645120
YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT ABOUT JEREMY'S FRIDGE SEMEN.
soy un intern now, many thanks for money
~Publo from 3rd street
Attn: All staff
Forward Msg: Clean spaces
Just a current reminder for all new employees to remember to clean your semen/grool off the countertops in the breakroom when finished (fresh paper towels are provided). Please also remember to thank your coworker after he/she has helped you achieve sexual release.
-Mngmnt
>>672645065
You a uh....wanted to see me, sir?
>>672644623
Re: Lunch
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sure, would love to. how about tuesday. I get free early by the looks of thing. Details will come in public email.
Hi all,
Just a friendly reminder I'm completely oblivious as to what's going on. I'm stroking my dick under my desk cubical thinking about new corporate buzzwords I can come up with and dreaming of our bosses dick in my mouth.
Billy Jackson
-Head of kissing the bosses dick and corporate buzzword bouncing fuckhead.
>>672645285
Fuck off, Jerry loves my grool.
Alex, IT
>>672645268
Pablo this is the third time this god damn week,
NO TRABAJO FOR MEXICONO
Security!!
Hey guys I am the new guy at your company, can I speak to the manager please. My mom is very proud i got this job
>>672644903
I'll grab the shop vac and turn off the HVAC since I moved the intake vent to the shitter. Fucking Alex.
-Trey in custodial
>>672645475
YOUR MOM IS GONNA FUCKING BURY YOU, REPLACEMENT 9,000,000
>>672645236
Daniel, you do realize that I monitor the company emails, correct? Please report to my office.
~Jeremy Bradbury (Your boss, and also scared for his life).
P.S.
I believe the gunshots have stopped. Are you out of ammunition or are you reloading? Please let me know because I've been planning on rappelling out of my window with the 25 ties I've stowed in my desk for this exact circumstance.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Dang Daniel
Look at this cute video on the internet. Open the attachment. It is safe. I had IT teach me how to attach it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a16Kgh7j8zk
>>672645400
PUBLO ES FREE MAN, PENDEJO
~Publo, Head of Cubicle inspection
ATTN: All Current Surviving Staff.
The employee currently shooting up the office has put the company in a peculiar position.
With half the male Interns dead and Chad shot in the nuts,
We have decided to hire more female Interns.
We would assign 1 for each male employee but
Daniel is not done shooting up the office.
As soon as he finishes, we'll let them in.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc
>>672645483
I don't even go to that floor. Quit blaming me you flaming faggot.
Alex, IT
Borey chan in the accounting OU has been fired. Disable his account until you can find a replacement.
>>672645574
FUCKING JOE IS GONNA BE TORTURED
>>672645329
Give me the fucking tape, you penniless mongoloid. Are you insane? I will jack off in your ear.
~Jeremy Bradbury. Your pissed off boss.
Dear employees of /b/ro Industries LLC,
I'm Anon Anononson Esq, General Counsel of the /b/ro group of companies. Since most of you are walking, talking lawsuits I'm going to give you some rules that will help all of us avoid being sued. Getting sued is bad and reduces the amount of time per day I can spend fapping at my desk and posting bananas in YLYL threads.
- If you are caught filming up the skirts of teenage girls in a shopping mall not only will we not fund your defense, we will also deny that you ever worked here
- If anyone dies at work call me BEFORE you stick things in the dead guy's butt you dirty fucks
- I understand that some of the experimental work being carried out in the basement has led to compromising questions. If anyone asks, the IT guys are playing dungeons and dragons down there and the screams and guttural cries are all just part of the act.
- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DANIEL, IF YOU STEAL MY SANDWICH FROM THE FRIDGE AGAIN I WILL STICK A HOAGIE SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOUR BREATH WILL SMELL OF PICKLES, LIKE IT DOES EVERY AFTERNOON YOU SANDWICH STEALING THIMBLE-COCKED NIGGER
- >>672644128 I'm on my way down now, someone set off the fire alarm to buy us time to get all the experiments and accounting records out of the building
>>672645573
I'M PICKING MY TARGETS, EVERYONE'S HIDING
>>672645561
I dont understand, ooh nice to meet you my name is Stanford. I went to Harvard and I got a PHD in Economics.
My mom made me my favourite meal for lunch
>>672645596
Joseph's fault for the shoot up. See this email I obtained by fucking with the server.
ATTCH: >>672645574
Alex, IT
Dear brita,
Tits or gtfo
-George
>>672645596
Sir, I can assure you the live shooter situation will be dealt with swiftly.
Yours truly,
~Jeremy Bradbury
P.S. Is that position for partner still available? Keep me in mind, haha!
>>672645761
I'll promote you to senior manager if you
become my human daniel shield.
-Jeremy Bradbury (Your Fucking Boss)
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Important Information Is for all staff:
We are to herby cease all work and report to the front desk. Ron, and the Economical department are hereby to bring all the documentation asap. Courtesy of the FBI.
Also None are to leave this building until they are cleared.
the leader of the operation is a hardball. and I am pretty sure he's gay.
Also: Who the fuck towed my car.
Brita, Reception.
>>672645222
Yes you can call me silly Willard. Also I would like to be transferred to the it department as I hear there "letting people go" haha that's why they call Mr silly Willard. Cuz I'm silly also trips for a .75 cent raise and a new office Tyrone is really pissing me off with his fucking mixtape
~silly Willard(not your friend, but your pal)
>>672645761
OHH, YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE MY AIM'S GOTTEN BETTER, SIXER
Fwd Msg: current shooting
Damn daniel, back at it again with those red-hot SMGs!
>>672645682
Yeah, no. I'm gonna be taking a raise with this *holds up tape*, and I'll be trading offices with you thanks to this *holds up Glock 21*.
I'd have given it back if you had just asked nicely.
Remember the old custodial proverb: don't give the man with shit-covered hands a reason to slap you.
-Trey in custodial :)
*jerks off silently in the bathroom*
>>672645120
This isn't me its that illerate other Daniel... Jesus
>>672645761
TRAPAJO IN THE EL PORTAL, publo is very disappointed in you
>>672645150
Alex... can we chat please.
I've been going over the logs in our database...
Daniel - IT
To: >>672645574, >>672645483, >>672645285,>>672645120,>>672644761,>>672644683,>>672644623
From [email protected]
Subject: Look who's facebook I found! Don't FWD!
Sandra
>>672645896
OK b0ss, mind you I have bipolar disorder and sometimes I go a little bit insane could you setup my email and all that.
Hi all
Just a friendly reminder I appear to have been shot at my desk trying to combine the words synergy wow amazing corporation and people together for one mega buzzword I call synercorporatewowamaapeople. The bosses dick may go u kissed for a few days.
Billy Jackson
-former head of kissing the bosses dick and corporate buzzword bouncing fuckhead.
>>672645627
See if I ever clean up your shit-cups again. Yeah, I KNOW you don't go to that floor, it's the ONLY BATHROOM you joke-missing cunt.
Love,
-Trey in custodial
>>672645596
Hi Brad,
Just a reminder that, for legal reasons, it's not a shootup but a "HR refresher exercise". Please mind your communications in future.
Regards,
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel, /b/ro group of companies
>>672645957
Deal. Consider Tyrone fired. Please, no more shootings. I'm going to face a *metaphorical* firing squad with Mr. Higgins after today's incident, if you get my drift.
~Jeremy Bradbury
P.S. Did someone clean out the coffee machine yet? I want some non-shit coffee for a change. What type of degenerate defecates into a coffee machine?
>>672645996
JEREMY?? THAT SHIT BETTER NOT END UP ON MY HOAGIE.
>>67264600
O-o-ola Amigo please dont cross the border in my personal space
ATTN: ALL STAFF.
Ron, The head of finance is currently in custody and well lets face it. He will be taking the fall for everything. He's been fucking my wife for 3 years and his dick is bigger than mine.
PS. Jeremy, If you survive. You get the position.
PPS. IF you stop now, you'll get Jeremy's position, Daniel.
PPPS. Brita, call me.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer. 4Chins Inc
>>672646250
Can't stop, won't stop.
~Jeremy Bradbury
Re: Re: Lunch
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Hey, Really? Cool!
Tuesday is perfect, I'll swing by the front desk about 12:30pm?
Daniel - IT
>From: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Sure, would love to. how about tuesday. I get free early by the looks of thing. Details will come in public email.
>>672646213
How the fuck are you not fired? There's a bathroom on the second and third floors, too.
Alex, IT
PS. The bathrooms aren't co-ed, couldn't use that bathroom even if I wanted to.
Could y'all keep it the fuck down? I'm tryin' to fuck a loli over here.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1CBIUbkieoE
>>672646311
YOU OUGHTA BE REAL FAMILIAR WITH BULLETS, SPIC
Anyone got a pen i could borrow?
>>672646481
Sir, am I to presume you're setting up a Hunger Games-esque situation for the job? Because I'll have you know that I've been stockpiling an arsenal for this very situation. You know me, haha, always prepared!
Hope you survive, too,
~Jeremy Bradbury
P.S.
Let's go golfing Monday, yeah?
Dear everyone,
Tyrone here, the one who always smoked joints outside the gate, well I got hired as security guard so just come to the parking lot later if you'd like some melons or weed
Ps: Dont tell my supervisors
Tyrone, Company Security
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Brita
Eric! I got a date with Brita man, Tuesday for lunch... Where should I take her. Fuck she's hot... I'm a bit nervous.
What you think?
Daniel -IT
>>672646481
OH SHIT THAT'S actually a good offer. Can I kill Jeremy first, though?
Hey bois, little group chat going on here, anyone got a pic of Brita'd tits? If I'm gonna get shot, it's gonna happen when I'm doing something I love.
>>672646783
Your hand?
>>672646679
Yo how much for a juice joint
My last dealer got popped (by Daniel)
-James, CNC
>>672641384
Sebastiana, I have the rundown on some potential new leads you were requesting.
-Justin From Sales
>>672646783
If you kill Daniel for me, I'll show you all the bathroom tapes from the CCTV that I've 'erased'.
~Jeremy Bradbury (Your boss)
>>672646553
SO IT'S BEEN YOU SHITTING IN THE SMALL SUPPLY CLOSETS!! I swear to fuck, Alex, I'll let it slide this time, but if I find the hand towels MEANT FOR THE BREAKROOMS covered in Your oddly colored shit again, I'm going to put those hand towels in your ass.
-Trey in custodial
>>672646661
Assuming you survive, you will have proven that you are a go-getter who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.
PS. Monday sounds good. Bring your own caddy. I'm not sharing mine cause of last time.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc
>>672646783
Ask kyle
-brian
>>672646893
You know it
-Alfred
>>672646481
Brad,
Just a reminder that the head of finance was never an employee at 4Chins Inc. If anybody asks, he hacked into our HR records and used it to infiltrate the company. We never employed him nor made any offer of employment.
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel, /b/ro group of companies
P.S. If the categories are "has a bigger dick than you" and "fucked your wife" you could be talking about half this building.
hey I got donuts
>>672646916
Dear James,
If you mail the boss on how good I did with something, just make it up you can get one for free.
Love, Tyrone.
Dear office gunman thank you for killing Billy Jackson. We all hated that fucking guy.
~Harold Burner
Human Resorces
>>672646936
HEY, JEREMY! HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT CATCHING IMPACT-TRIGGERED GRENADES? LET'S FIND OUT!
>>672646950
THE SMALL SUPPLY CLOSETS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING BUILDING. DO YOU EVEN WORK AT 4CHINS INC.???
-Alex, IT
>>672646679
Better start throwing the buds into the trash tyrone. Shits laying all over the parking lot.
Brent the janitor
attn: all staff
subject:shootings
Daniel from IT here... just letting you know that The shooter wasn't me... It was a different Daniel. I've been getting a few abusive emails from staff lately and curt looks. Just so you know...
Thanks
Daniel - IT
p.s. sorry to those who lost friends
>>672646604
I've got a solid stash I find while cleaning under desks and behind all the nooks and crannies. HMU if you ever need one and I'll try to get you one without a pube on it.
-Trey in custodial
>>672647092
Dear James,
And*
Love, Tyrone
Dear Daniel,
This might sound weird, but thank you for shooting me. If you are reading this, then I am dead and my body went to heaven. Do not go to Shakey's. I definatly do not wear a bullet proof vest to work and faked my death to go eat pizza with Willy
Sincerely,
Joseph
>>672647092
Sweet
Since SOME FUCKING PEOPLE can't even bring me a box of FUCKING SUDAFED I'm probably going to have to do that
-James, CNC
>>672647020
I'm getting it checked.
Its 3 inches crooked to the left.
Also, might as well be less than half of this building because of Daniel.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc
>>672646679
What the fuck, Tyrone, you're selling weed on company property? Do you know how much liability this exposes us to? Drop by my office immediately...
.... and bring a couple of joints my nigguh.
Regards,
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel
>>672647237
Dear Brent,
Thank you for the advice and I shall consider it
Love, Tyrone
>>672647274
DAMN JOESEPH
>>672647223
Oh fuck. What are those I'm thinking of? BRB gonna check what those are real fast.
>>672647252
Sure
Why did the shootings stop right before this email was sent then?
-James, CNC
>>672647252
But then Fight Club
>>672647252
Sorry 'bout that. I feel bad, so I'll let you fuck me. One time offer, and it's not a guy asking for once.
-Alex, sexy ass IT
>>672647223
Oh Christ on a biscuit HOW DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP USING THESE BATHROOMS????
>>672647376
Dear Counsel,
Omw nigga
Love, Tyrone
>>672647274
Joseph,
I just wanted to let you know that you forgot to clock out, so I'll be docking your pay again. Also, I won't be in the office on Monday, so you'll need to meet with me on Tuesday in my new office, as Daniel blew up half of it with an impact grenade. Thankfully, I hid behind Hitler's old office desk. Thank god for Nazis, amiright?
Anyway, enjoy Heaven. See ya Tuesday, Champ.
~Jeremy Bradbury
>>672647528
Not sure what's going on in the guy's toilets, Margaret keeps ours cleaner than your mother's search history.
Alex, IT
>>672638640
God damn it jerry, if you steal my code one more time I'll fuck you up good
Dear Daniel,
I take back what I said about killing Billy Jackson and others. You have just created a whole shit load of new work for me. Please come to my office immediately and put a bullet in my dome. I can't deal with this shit anymore.
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672647444
What if he's got multiple personalities, both named Daniel?
From [email protected]
To: [email protected]
ATTN: All staff.
Due to current investigation of our company, and the fact that Ron is locked up, our Ceo have decided to Open All emails To FBI.
IT: you have 20 minutes to get rid of any incriminating evidence.
Also Repeat No one is allowed to leave today before getting clearance from the feds.
Also, daniel that sounds fine. I know this cute little vegan coffe shop around the corner. 12.30 it is.
Brita, Reception
Dear Daniel,
Please stop the shooting, this is my first day on the job and I dont want to stop smoking weed yet, if you do it then please do it on the days when I have off
Ps: Im free tomorrow.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672647252
Daniel,
If you steal my sandwich again a mass shooting will be the least of your worries.
Regards,
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel
>>672647725
If that were the case, i wouldn't have gotten trips
-James, CNC
>>672639666
Well Daniel, so I bet you'll get some windows server 2012 too, won't you? I'm so sick of your shit, this is why I hate my job
Edgar
FIRE ALL THE BLACKS
>>672647762
Dear Brita,
Could you hold onto this backpack of mine for twenty minutes? It smells like weed but its nothing weird, dont look into it.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
Attn: all
From: [email protected]
Subject: 3rd and 4th floor warning
Hey guys,
It was drawn to my attention by Alex in IT that I've somehow missed the satellite bathrooms on the 2nd and 3rd floors for the entirety of my 7 year career here. I'll be working on those for the next few minutes, so if you have another custodial emergency, swing by and write it on my cleany-cart clip board, and I'll get to it as soon as I'm done. This will take a while because it looks like ground zero combined with auschwitz here.
-Trey in custodial
>>672647767
Subject: Dammit Tyrone!
You fucking idiot! What did I hire you for? There's a live shooting happening right now! Report to the parking lot, my temp office (Daniel threw a fucking grenade into my other one) for an impromptu meeting!
~Jeremy Bradbury
P.S. Do *NOT* bring Daniel with you.
>>672647602
DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING AWAY THAT EASILY. I GAVE TYRONE $50 TO HELP ME HUNT YOU DOWN.
>>672647833
Seconded
And use something bigger than a fucking m&p 22 next time or I'll see to it that you're fired...
...permanently.
-James, CNC
P.S. Trey, you done with that glock 21 yet?
Please advise if the "ballistic recreational activities" have ended so we can go ahead and
hire more people to replace those who have been...
Put on permanent leave.
He who was not ever here as Head of Finance is currently detained and has been found guilty of 4524 counts of embezzlement, 23423 counts of illegal trafficking and 63242 counts of fraud.
PS. Daniel, if this is true, you have Jeremy's job.
PPS. This means you have the partner position, Jeremy. Provided that Daniel no longer wants to give you an extended leave if you know what I mean.
PPPS. Brita. Get your ass over here.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc
>>672647696
Well, Margaret IS working so Jeremy doesn't call immigration on her. She's literally working as hard as she has to to keep from being deported.
-Trey in custodial
>>672647994
I never hired any. Although I did hire an ape lady. Affirmative Action and all.
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672648003
NOT SMART, PAL
>>672648003
Subject: Jeremy Im sorry
Dear Jeremy
Joseph gave me fifty dollars to hunt you down, I'll pretend that I didn't read your email and I will delete it at once, you can have a free joint later.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672648189
Who the fuck is Tyrone? He keeps e-mailing the staff and smoking weed
>>672647762
Dear Brita.
I have thrown away the cum stained panties you hide in your bottom file cabinet.
Feds will be none the wiser.
- Brent the janitor
>>672648152
Haha, thank you, sir! Don't worry about Daniel -- he and I are best friends now.
~Jeremy Bradbury
P.S.
Thank you so much! Pizza Tuesday?
>>672648189
If you mean Ms. Shaniquanica Marvin, Daniel sort of "took care" of that.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672648340
YEAH, PAL. WE ARE. NOW, BE A DEAR AND LEAN OUT FROM BEHIND THAT CAR. THE RED DOT IS YOUR FRIEND.
Did anyone else get called in to work on saturday and sunday?
>>672648002
...We have a fourth floor? OH FUCK WE DO. THAT'S WHERE THAT LOLI CHAMBER JAMES PUT UP.
-Alex, IT
PS, off to finger myself to some lolis
PPS I'M GOING TO KILL JAMES, HE LET THEM DIE
>>672647762
God fucking dammit Brita, stick to checking facebook and sucking cock in the lobby bathrooms. I cut a deal, the FBI isn't getting our emails and in return we have to help the police department out by culling the black population in our office. Sorry Tyrone, you'll be placed on permanent leave soon.
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel
I bet we could run a company ten times better than most faggot managers out there
We even handled a fucking office shooting ffs
>>672648347
Good enough,
Appears Daniel did a hell of a good job after all. That being said now we have to restaff all this shit. Thoughts?
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672648347
Guys, isn't it weird there are 2 Dans?
>>672648550
I didn't put that shit up, i only like women older and taller than me
-James, CNC
>>672648592
WE SHOULD HELP HIM KILL JEREMY
Dan Smith
HR
>>672647718
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Possible illegal citizen working for us
Hey Herold,
This is awkward, but I just remembered that Margaret is a spick and doesn't even have a work visa. I've been keeping it on the DL, but Jeremy told her that he wouldn't have her deported if she busted ass for $4/hour, but I'm afraid that with Daniel's "range time" here at the office, there will be investigations that might reveal Margaret on us all.
I know hiring an illegal is a felony, and I'd hate for you or whoever it was in HR that hired her (is she even in the payroll? Jeremy might be paying her under the table if not) to get arrested.
Say the word, and I'll tell her you shit in your PC again to send her down to you.
-Trey in custodial
>>672648592
There are some Gender Studies graduates on the
opposite sides of the street.
We have to fill some sort of female to male ratio
or we'll have upper management fucking us in the ass.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672648514
Yeah man, some dude i've never seen just said ''if you could come to work on sunday that'd be greeeeeeeeaaat''
Not sure how to respond to that.
- James Kovic
>>672648514
Nope. Just you.
-Brent the janitor
>>672648489
Daniel, you literally have my old job. Take the exploded office, too -- it's all yours. Plus, I am still your boss, so there's is no need to shoot me, champ! Haha!
~Jeremy Bradbury (PARTNER at 4chinsInc)
P.S. While you're reading this, I'm already a block and a half away, getting ready to jump into my jet en route to Cincinnati.
>>672648550
Alex,
For legal reasons there is no fourth floor and any floor that does exist between floors three and five is in fact a parallel dimension. Anything that occurs, dies, explodes or is held captive on that floor is not the responsibility of 4Chins Inc
Regards,
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel
Hi I was recently hired as a intern am here first day call me Joe.
>>672648314
I'll look into it. I think it's the new security guard. We don't really don't hire geniuses for that position. In fact we need to meet our hire a few retards program or the government gets pissed.
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672648807
DON'T!
Trust me, all of their licenses say "male" although they don't look like it from this distance
...i would know
-James, CNC
>>672648709
AKA EVERY WOMAN!
Fuck manlet kek kek kek
Love,
-Trey in custodial
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: FBI
I told the FBI that it was Alex who shot everyone. Spread the word and delete all emails. Maybe we can get this perv in prison
>>672648555
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Ignore the last email.
Also tyrone told me to hold onto this bag. it smells like weed. Who hired this guy?
I'm on my way boss.
Ps: the surronding companies have been complaining about firecracker noises coming from the 6th floor. Whoever playing around stop that. It's not like we need the feds to visit twice in a day.
PPS: Also, A fed ex package arrived with only company named on it. it's about 20 kg and have a ticking noise. It's probably something for IT. Get your ass down here and collect it.
Brita Reception.
>>672648807
>>672648765
I'll leave that to you Dans
Holy fuck we are getting a lot of Dans in HR
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672649019
I'm 5'11" bro
-James, CNC
P.S. Can i have my glock back please?
>>672648929
YOU ENJOYING YOUR FLIGHT, BUDDY?
>>672648801
If so, you can say goodbye too your clean toilets...
-Brent (Juan) the janitor
>>672648078
Hey man, Tyrone here, I found where he lives and fucked his wife and pissed on his car, anything else?
Juan, I drop my coffee again, come clean this shit or I'll deport you
>>672648550
Alex,
Yup, 4th loli floor. Please keep your splooge either in your pants, or shoot onto the splooge table.
I'm trying to show my know-it-all carpenter dad that jizz makes a fine lacquer for tables.
-Trey in custodial
Soooo. The boss just said he wont give me my pay check.. wtf.
>>672649248
Tyrone, you fucked my wife?
~Jeremy Bradbury
P.S. She had herpes.
>>672649129
CC: [email protected];[email protected]
Brita,
Get dat ass over here.
Harold, you need to hire at least 2 more black guys or we're gonna have the government biting our nuts.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc
>>672649327
I need you to come in on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday this week again, champ. Thanks again!
~Jeremy Bradbury (Partner at 4chinsInc)
>>672649314
Waitaminute
Is this what they cost those fucking 5.7x28 cartridges in that makes them impossible to reload?
-James, CNC
>>672649248
FOLLOW HIM TO HIS JET, MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET ON IT AND ESCAPE
Tyrone,
I have been getting reports that you are jizzing all over the place selling weed on emails and terrorizing the staff in the parking lot with fruit and other nasty shit.
Keep up the good work
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672648125
Yeah mate. Here ya go.
I used my jizz to lube the slide after I cleaned it. Next time you shove the barrel into someone's mouth, you can imagine them sucking my cock top kek
-Trey in custodial
>>672649314
...Does everyone forget that I've never had a dick and/or balls? Has no one actually seen me? I may have to speak to management...
Alex, IT
>>672649355
Dear Jeremy,
That was someone on my computer, sorry
I didnt
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672649370
I'll get right on it Brad. Quick question. Can we get a few primates instead of blacks. They actually work on occasion.
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672649480
Alex, mate.
You've been wearing a burka for years.
I wouldn't know if you have a cock or not.
Oisin O'donald
Ops Manager
Does somebody mind if I use all the PCs go mine bitcoins? No? OK, thanks.
James G.
Company's engineer
>>672649446
Dear Harold,
Thank you and I will, is a raise possible?
Haha just kidding.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672649480
Alex is a chick? Holy shit, guys! A girl works at IT! Probably an ugly cow
~Joseph
>>672649418
You have to be joking, I called off saturday! It's my birthday!
>>672649605
Whichever works for you.
Also. Have Daniel sort out his new office.
It does not have any walls at the moment.
Also, get Brita up here. We need to discuss her
"benefits."
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc
>>672648896
Hey Brent,
I need you to go clean up the loli cave on the 4th floor. I sent Alex up there a few minutes ago, so watch out for flyers!
-Trey in custodial
We're on page 10. Company is being shut down by FBI. Good luck guys
Love,
Joseph
>>672649797
Will do Brad.
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672649797
She's been dead for hours, Brad.
>>672649742
Didn't you see my email earlier? Every "woman" here is an mtf
Women aren't good with computers like that
-James, CNC
>>672649480
My apologies, I did t realize Alex could be a dyke name.
Still, enjoy the loli! And Brent will be coming in to do some touch up cleaning. Aim for the face!
-Trey in custodial
>>672649964
Jesus I had no idea. Well I purpose we dress up try in custodial in a little pink dress and send him up to Brad's office for some benefits. It will by me some time to hire some new ass.
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672649435
No, those are impossible to reload because they're made in China, and loaded at the factory. That's why most magazines are $100 and fully loaded, because the chink kids have tiny fingers to put the tiny rounds in where our adult-sized fingers can't reach
Dear everyone,
The police just came over to question and search me, luckly they dont know about my stash on floor 3, anyways who ratted me the fuck out?
Im going to jizz on your keyboards until someone tells me.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672649199
Brent,
Wanna hit this tequilia with me in the 3rd floor shit-closet?
-Trey in custodial
PS, I won't rat you out "Brent". Your cousin's down south have some good speed.
Has anyone seen Silly Willard? He's been missing for a long time and the staff at Shakey's doesn't know where he went? Also, someone threw a banana peel in my trash can. Please keep your waste in your trash can.
>>672649633
ALEX IS A MUSLIM??
JAMES, GET THAT GLOCK TO ME ASAP
-Trey in custodial
