Wipe the slate clean /b/
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Wipe the slate clean /b/
I post bananas
>>671604889
Your the worst tbh
>>671605122
*you're
>>671605224
holy shit
time to bail on my own thread
I use your instead of your're just to piss off these faggots.
Omg that feels better
Yet another thread conquered in the name of our banana gods
>>671605469
Say what you want, I'm not the one spelling like an illiterate nigger.
>>671604693
I watch legal pornography.
I actually don't love her
>>671605999
I fucked with 8 of my bestfriends, i'll make oral for all, i'm a bisexual man, but i don't assuming, because the religion of my family are suck, and my dad goes to spank me
>>671604693
i enjoy consensual heterosexual intercourse in the missionary position with the lights off for the sole purpose of procreation
i dont like Trump.
I'm dating a leftist, feminist, philosophy college girl.
I fucked my brother's wife on her birthday
pic related, her birthday
I'm probably gay.
>>671606172
Monster.
I also post bananas
I like young
>>671606138
Are you retarded
>>671606486
young what?
Jeezy?
i hate boxxy threads
>>671606386
Jesus I would too.
I keep posting my ex in hopes someone has saved certain nudes she posted online years ago and recognizes her.
>>671606386
June the next year
(DNA test was inconclusive, said could be his or his siblings....0
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
>14
>gay friend's 16
>go to boys bathroom in building 6 upstairs
>we make out for about 10 minutes straight
>feel each others dicks through each others pants
>i didn't feel anything
>>671606907
Oh shit!
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I'm the only one in my family that doesn't believe in God
>>671607060
kek
There was this young guy playing basketball, probably sixteen and he was shirtless, and it made me feel aroused.
In elementary school I got butt ass naked on the bus and jumped out the emergency door and fucked a tree
>>671607055
Eh.. fucked her a few times wile she was pregnant too
>>671604693
I raped a girl in 2009. And I'm not sorry.
She was drunk and couldn't consent. So was I. So I guess she raped me too.
I guess I should rape more girls.
>>671606126
Struggling with the same thing
>be me
>torrent some obscure anime
>doesn't seed
im sorry
>>671607386
I'd kinda like to fuck a pregnant chick... do not want a kid though.
i think about getting fucked
>>671607386
Did the baby get pregnant
>>671606615
underrated comment
>>671607580
we need to know
Grabbed this chicks bare ass and made out with her at a party. I have a gf.
Do you believe in crop circles
>>671607449
>Be me
>Torrent some cool anime from way back when
>Seed for weeks
>No one else downloads
This is why I have no ratio.
>>671607448
come brother, let me hug you
>>671607482
Eh, Cuck boy thinks he's his, LOL
>>671607580
yes he did
>>671607778
what anime?
I'm afraid my attraction for underage girls (15 - 17) will never go away.
(Am 19, male)
I have a foreskin, there I said it.
>>671608058
It won't
>>671604693
A 15 year old hot chick with an amazing ass gave me her number when I was with my buds in a mall, now she is flirting with me and wants to go on a date. She says age isn't a problem, I'm 19, should I?
>>671608248
is that you in the picture
>>671607894
Most recently Yukikaze (2002).
>>671608248
>Should I?
>>671608248
which country?
>>671605387
rekt
>>671608352
Indeed I am
>>671608248
Yes
>>671608058
Come back when you're 37 and say that again.
>>671608248
Age isn't an issue. Last LTR was 7 years older than me. I say go for it.
>>671604693
I bust a nut in my girls pussy or ass every time we fuck
> it's cash
>>671608248
>>671608432
18 legal age
>>671608464
Yeah, I sure cucked him!
>>671608488
sorry for your loss
>>671608599
So fucking good.
How do you guys deal with leaking? Sex towel?
>>671605636
I like this one, bananafag needs to make more ones like this imo
i have an extensive dragon dildo collection
>>671608624
Have a backplan, uknow, just if she tries to fuck you up charging you
>>671608775
Yea. That thing gets washed daily
I am tired of people posing their numbers in Facebook threads. Every time i see one i post it here.
9544822384
>>671608885
kek
>>671604693
Get in here
/whosbachman
>>671608844
If banana-themed literature is what you seek, then look no further than "The Funny Banana."
>>671604693
When I go to take a dump I like to take my pants/ boxer's completely off. It just feels right.
Got a hard on from my 2 twin nieces using me as a seat and jumping on me
>>671608885
sounds pretty radical
>>671608624
Just play dumb and say you didn't know you couldn't do that. Works getting out of a ticket
>>671608885
Post pics
>>671606334
same man...
I took my girlfriend into the woods last summer to go camping. She's into some fucked up stuff, bdsm, humiliation... she licks her dogs pussy...
So we are in the woods, she pulls out her favorite vibrator, starts playing with it. She has great idea to straddle a fallen tree and continue to ride her vib. Begs me to tie her there..
I tie her tightly to the log, her bare cunt pressed against the rough bark, arms tied to a branch above her.
She has me take some pics, and after a few minutes, she starts screaming...
Log is full of ants... pissed off ants that now veiw her cunt as an invader, and they begin to bite her lips.
She begs me to help untie her, but i stand there swatting any that stray too far from her bikini area. Watch as they keep biting her clit, her lips are red swollen and tender.
After i think she has suffered enough, i piss on her to wash the ants away as best as i could, then untie her.
Bring her sobbing form into the tent, and she examines her swollen piss soaked cunt.
She tells me that was the hottest thing she has ever done, she wants me to fuck her.
So i fuck her raw, her orgasmic moans punctuated by the occasional cry of pain.
Fall asleep that night, cuddled together. She complains that her cunt itches and hurts.
Tell her i will get her the anti itch cream from the first aid kit... hand her tube of icy hot.
Laugh as she rubs the cream all over her crotch.
Help her clean it off with sandy dirt... literally rub handfuls of dirt against her cunt.
So beat up and scuffed, it looked like a pockmarked slab of beef.
>>671607809
>>671609283
>>671609198
Only pic I have. Tis is my favorite.
I came out as trans so I had an excuse to crossdress in public.
Pic related, it's exactly what i'd want, too.
>>671609528
>she licks her dogs pussy
Gay
>>671609674
dragon dildo in the pooper
>>671608352
Idk why but this got me.
I'm a beer snob. The lowest form of hipster trash. My friends think I don't drink.
I dry hump my brother in law's daughters often
I moved to my current town, following someone I've had a crush on since high-school. I'm in a relationship of four years now with someone else and my crush moved away last summer, but I still wish it could've worked out.
This hot little cunt showed up at 4th of July with her brother and got wasted. I found her passed out upstairs facedown on the bed. After some fun I kept her panties. As I was heading downstairs her brother was heading upstairs and made some comment about the girls being stuck up. He was trashed . I told him about the girl passed out ready to fuck. I had left her facedown and her dress was bunched up on her ass where I pilled the top down and skirt up to have some fun.
About 20 minutes later he came downstairs with his shurt tucked into his underpants and a big ass grin on his face. I said what's up and he said he didn't have any condoms and was too drunk to pull out in time. He was laughing about it.
When I was 17, I found a dude on craigslist to fuck me. I showed up at his place, drank a few brews and smoked a little weed before I let him and his dog take turns using me. At one point his dog was fucking me while I sucked him off. I'm about 90% sure there is a video of it on the internet somewhere.
>>671610473
Bro, don't give up on that. Trust me. If you truly feel it, then just roll.
>>671607809
do you have anymore pictures of her? Before and after preg
>>671608248
No, pussy ain't worth the possible jail time.
>>671609528
lost at icy hot
>>671610484
"hot"
What the fuck is that thing
>>671610677
I lost at "girlfriend"
>>671608775
If you go in far enough it doesn't leak out.
>>671604693
I still Love you Nikki Spiratos. I always will. -Max
>>671608248
Think about it, if you were 25 or 30 it'd be a lot worse, right? You're never again getting a chance this good at a 15yo pussy. Remember, you regret things you didn't do more than things that turned out bad
>>671610781
I lost at
Banana
I accidentally them all
Irl going to kill myself sometime this month
18 yr old female virgin, best friend is transgender (f>m) and they're in love with me. i lead him on repeatedly but only feel sad for myself after.
my friend is being a pussy and won't ask out this girl he likes, and won't let me do it for him.
wat do?
>>671610897
You wouldn't capitalize the 'L' in "Love", illiterate nigger.
I honestly can't wait to get married so that I can beat my wife
>>671610750
she woke up and came down to the party about three hours later. still no panties, but never said a word. and she was pretty hot in person, especially if you were fucked up.
>>671611212
fuck 'er instead
>>671607482
It's kinda strange, their pussy and labia get kinds swollen because of the hormone change, it's really tight but I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought i would
I fucked up and failed out of my first MOS in the Marines and was reassigned to a cook. I used a pre-existing medical condition I've had since birth and exaggerated it's effects to med-sep my way out of that hell hole. Looking back it wasn't that bad. I had friends who truly cared about me, but the hours were miserable. It was a rigged system to get promoted and they denied my college application so they could make me work more shifts.
>>671609528
Pics or it didnt happen
>>671611206
Dirty fucking whore. You're the reason niggers are still alive. You're the reason Hitler had to kill himself. Your kind is why there are no good things. Stupid fucking bitch. I hope your friend realized what's going on so he can fucking rape you to death you stupid fucking slut. I hope you get AIDS after finding out one of your inbred children has autism. I hope your dad beats you so hard that you realize life isn't worth living and just commit suicide. Stupid bitch.
>>671604693
>I've fucked over 2 dozen women, most of whom were prostitutes in massage parlors
>I used to steal manga
>I washed out of the military twice
>I have a friction burn on my dick-head
>I find women twice my age (I'm 26) to be more attractive than women my age
>I once owned a Confederate/Rebel Flag and hung it up in my dorm
>I'm black
>I mostly fap to black dicks these days
Bailey... I have a crush on you. I've had one since I met you, and gradually, getting to know you has gotten me way far into loving you.
Sorry I'm not much of a man to confess, and that you're interested in a pothead faggot that won't bring you any good. Sorry, for not having been able to ask you out.
>>671604693
I wish people would hurry up and invent a involuntary sexual release drug so i can stop having to jacking off.
>>671611206
Take his virginity, faggot.
I want to marry my gf and make a baby with her so bad but she is still 17, im 22 and just finished college, have no money, no house, no car.
Its a strange feeling, but i just want to be a dad.
>>671607809
So wait? Does he know she cheated? Why else would there be a DNA test?
Pretty sure I need to see a professional about how I'm unable to trust people.
When I was 17 I let a 13 year old girl suck my dick.
>>671608248
No. Depending on your location, the age of consent varies.
>>671611723
nah, i have no sexual feelings for him/any romantic feelings. it just doesnt feel right.
>>671611954
One day when any opportunity to do that is long gone you will keep that memory in your front pocket like a shiny gold watch.
my friend is being a pussy and won't ask out this girl he likes, and won't let me do it for him.
wat do?
>>671610567
Did you know the dog was going to be there or was it a last minute decision?
>>671611800
We did test to see if it was his or mone. couldn't figure it out
>>671612171
Let him know. You know if you someone did the same thing to you you'd be super hurt.
>>671608058
The legal age of consent in Missouri is 15
I ache for seeing her again, for speak with her at once and rob her a kiss at least, without caring a shit for the other her... Vicky, i just loved the way you looked at me
sometimes,when i have a really tough poop, a lil something comes out my dick that looks like pre-cum
am I gay?
>>671612346
why is it that the person in the mirror is a girl, op? You fucking faggot.
>>671612215
Still remember all the things I did with my 13yo gf when I was 17. Man, the fucking glorious memories. She was a virgin, let me do anything and everything to her tight little body.
I love you, man. (Keeping her unnamed, we call eachother dude and man a lot) Fuck, I always have. Ever since we met at that shitty convention. I want nothing more than to see you happy, but I worry I just annoy you and I just... I just want you to be happy.
>I don't want to die but I don't want to live either
>>671606334
ANON PLEASE!!!
>>671612511
My girl took that one, fuck stain
>>671612506
maybe pus?
>>671612511
Its actually a man. You just have to ignore his feminine curves.
>>671612242
I kinda knew about it, but wasn't really sure about the implications of it being there.
>>671611797
>>671608058
Totally normal to be attracted to post pubescent girls. Self control dude.
I jerk off into my girlfriend's sisters food and no one knows
>>671611289
that is not the face of someone who passed out.
> I call bullshit on your story
> you are full of shit
> your cock is not big
>>671608165
Mine did.
>>671608058
I banged a 16yo when I was older than you. She was a slut and didn't care. Pick the right kind of girl and you'll stay out of trouble
>>671613238
this
in 2015 i got fucked by a dude i met two hours earlier at a party related to my college, then spent three months sucking him off in the bathrooms of the campus until he got bored of me
>>671612215
yeah shes hot as fuck now but a "lesbian" -_-
I go on /b/ :(
I'm really into her, but she's way too good for me.
>>671604693
>>671613724
Stop being such a fucking beta, do it
I'm trying to get sober and I dropped shrooms tonight
I'm working on the next elder scrolls instalment
>>671609674
Arty?
>>671612930
nah im not ill, and was trying to make a funny, its natural reaction when you try and strain bc you are pushing everything when you try and strain
>>671606126
I think I'm in the same boat
>>671612506
Google prostate massage, that's what your stuck turd does basically. yw
This gif just turns me on so much I don't even know why
>>671613897
Fine, I'll embarrass myself. I'll make sure it gets filmed and maybe I'll upload it for you /b/tards to laugh at.
>>671609739
Woah. Hot.
Raped a dude when I was on drugs.
>>671604693
I tutor 4th grades and during my down time (while tutoring) I look at some and would like to fuck em
My adopted sister used to blow me when we were like 11-14 and now she's all fucked up and has all kinds of problems and I'm like 80% sure it's because of that.
>>671604693
im severly depressed and cant trust anybody. No one knows this and i have to try to not think about suicide most days
Watching my cousin who's 14
> playing gta 5
>notice cousin vanished
>find her in the backyard smoking a joint and drinking my beers
>you fucking bitch
>lol its not my fault you should've watched me better
>get into arguement realize we have a m.a.d system set up
>if I tell her parents she was smoking weed and drinking, I'll also be outing that I was negligent enough for her to smoke weed and drink.
>very complicated shit
>tell her she still needs to be punished for stealing
>she starts to squeal but I stand firm and viking carry her to my room
>after I started carrying her to my bed did she begin to try and resist but but a little girl vs a grown man meant there was not much she Could do
>after sitting on the bed I restrained her and laid her face down over my legs while i tore her yoga pants off along with her panties and started to spank her with one hand while holding her down and the other
>I got a huge boner the second I saw her cute round butt but I was trying to pass this off as a simple punishment so I only whooped her ass for for about 3 minutes before letting herself cry it out for 20 minutes
>had to beat off in the bathroom 2 so my boner would go away
>she hasn't told anyone yet and now whenever I watch her and she does something annoying I can threaten to whoop her ass and she'll shut the fuck up and be the perfect kid
>mfw now she's super nice to me and started to sit in my lap and tell me she loves me regularly, like she did back when she was a kid
I work at an apartment complex and I sometimes use the keys to knock out and rape various tenants
>>671615912
same. And i feel like suicide is a bitch way out so i constantly fantasize about scenarios where I die but in some noble way
>taking a bullet for someone etc
anything that would let me die but be looked at with respect as opposed to pity.
>>671616040
that pic is particularly appropiate
>>671616040
nice...
I sent a text to the group chat saying "kill all niggers" over and over again as a joke. It was actually a copypasta i found here. Have felt like a racist piece of shit since.
My oldest friend's mom has been blowing me on average about once a week since we were in middle school.
>>671616383
i just feel like i wouldnt be missed, and yeah that is a cliche, but it is also true. i bring no value to the table in any way
Im just waiting for her to fail, so Ill have green light to do as I please, fucking and shitting on anyone i want
>>671612346
My dick is diamonds.
>>671612451
Its 17, and even thats iffy in court and there isn't a Romeo and Juliet law
so... many... things..., but i'll limit it to worst 4:
1:
>over the summer, took creep shots of my cousin in the shower, got caught and now most of my family hates me
2:
>took creepshots of girls at my school
>kinda-sorta got caught (they suspected I was, but no proof)
3:
> set up a fake modeling site for girls at my school, got over 250 girls to send nudes
>got scared people were catching on, so I deleted them
4:
>tried to snapchat some girls my brothers age (2-3 years younger than me)
>they recognized me and told my brother
>mfw everything I've tried has ended horribly, anyone have any new schemes I could use?
>>671617381
I feel you man, I feel you. I got a dog just so I have someone that would be sad if I disappeared. And everyone always says shit like "There's SOMEBODY out there that would miss you!" which is easy to say when they actually have someone out there that would miss them.
I recently gave my boyfriend a very slow and secret handjob under some blankets while people were coming in and out from the other room. I can green text it if anyone is interested. Shit turns me on like nothing else.
>>671617627
Yeah, try killing yourself.
>>671617801
we get each other lol. but yeah it sucks.
I lead betas and socially akward kids on so they'll do me favors and buy me feed when we go on 'dates'. Plus I love seeing that little glimmer of hope die in their eyes when invite them out with my boyfriend and he starts to kiss me and grab at me in front of them
>>671617989
yes post more
My mom's friend tried to finger me in the back of my mom's car.
>>671617372
Elaborate nigga. I could use a fap.
>>671618160
You are the worst type of woman.
>provided you are a woman
>>671618160
You're the worst type of person
>>671618317
Shiki?
>>671617627
Basically burn all of your bridges move to a new continent and start fresh
I might recommend Malaysia, filled with unattended children
>>671617627
Tell me the story with your cousin. As for schemes, please don't. You are fucking bad at them.
>>671618084
sounds like a great plan, 10/10 couldn't possibly fail.
nah, I'm actually fairly happy, as I never got directly caught (brother didn't believe the girl as she's a whore and had no proof, same with cousin and school, and no one ever found out about website). Just need a new way to do it.
>>671618160
Dirty fucking whore. You're the reason niggers are still alive. You're the reason Hitler had to kill himself. Your kind is why there are no good things. Stupid fucking bitch. I hope your friend realized what's going on so he can fucking rape you to death you stupid fucking slut. I hope you get AIDS after finding out one of your inbred children has autism. I hope your dad beats you so hard that you realize life isn't worth living and just commit suicide. Stupid bitch.
I want to top...7one9-2nine8-zero1nine3..I like it rough
>>671618330
>>671618317
Not my fault guys think they can compliment and pay their way into my pants
>mfw a guy tried to get back his 300$ birthday gift once he found out I was taken
When I was 5, my neighbour (12) sexualty harrased me but he did it so good that now I'm addicted to sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I say and do horrible things to people I may or may not know not because I hate them, but I feel like I'm getting back at society for my being socially inept.
>>671618195
>be me watching Parks and Rec with my boyfriend
>about 5 or 6 people in the other room getting high, drunk and stupid
>they leave us alone because we're both socially awkward and usually just do our own thing
>on my period so I'm particularly horny with a mixture of sexual frustration
>get a bright idea and start groping his crotch over his jeans and under the blanket we're sharing
>ask if it's ok and he says yes
>continue to rub and get turned on by his growing erection
Continue?
>>671618441
kek, hardly bad at them though. every single one worked (creepshots at school for 2 years (even got a camera in girls locker room), creepshots on cousin 2 years during beach vacations, website had 2 weeks and 250 different girls sent nudes, girl my brothers age lasted for 6 months)
>"you're bad at them"
>>671604693
Just happened at work
>be me
>work as cashier at grocer
>getting off soon, get out of register and start helping bag
>qt 3.14 sets off door alarm with cart
>usually nothing, go over to unlock cart
>ask to see receipt
>threwitaway.jpg
>wat
>notice the cart has two hand baskets in it, filled with seemingly random shit
>wtf.jpg
>ask her which register she went through
>5
>I was on 5, could someone have really made it there that soon?
>Look over, someone else on already
>qt says she can get receipt from trash if I want
>don't want to inconvenience like that, especially if I'm wrong
>tell her she can't take the hand baskets out, that I'll bag it for her for free
>says no
>bends over to look into baskets
>datass.jpg
>notice she's wearing yoga pants and has a 10/10 ass
>decision time
>asks if I can help her out with baskets to ensure they return to store
>become slave to booty
>follow that amazing ass all the way out to her car
>opens doors, bends over drivers seat to dump groceries out
>hnnnnnnngnngnn.jpg
>dump groceries in her car
>runs up and hugs me
>thanks so much anon!
>hand brushes booty
>ithinkijustcame.gif
>gets into car, I'm staring the whole time
>walk awkwardly back into store
I'm gonna lose my job if anyone finds out I did this shit. Now my biggest secret. I can't help it. I'm a slave to the booty.
>>671617627
>got scared people were catching on, so I deleted them
sure you did anon, sure you did.
>>671618745
And this is why the MGTOW Movement will be a success. I can't wait to see the look on women like you's faces when you can't skate through life on your looks any more.
>>671618745
Haha nice. You know what's better? Finding girls like this, and shutting them down fucking hard. I'm nice until dinner. Then I verbally berate them for as long as I can before ditching them there. It's funny because they always get this look on their faces when let loose. Like I just sat on their little plan for a free meal.
>>671618976
yes
>>671619116
Nigga you got caught, you have no room to be smug. Now tell me the cousin story.
>>671618219
I want to say it started in 8th grade, she'd take us to school in the morning and pick us up afterward. My friend was out of town at his dad's for a while so it was only her and I going to and from school. She made some lunch for me after school one day, so as I sat at the table she brings down her laptop and shows me how my buddy had been looking at porn and forgot to delete his browser history. I got hard from seeing it and I turned beet red, she saw the slight bulge in my pants (I was like 13) and asked if she could see it. I took it out embarassed but seriously aroused, and with no hesitation she put her mouth on me and moved my hands away. She went at it for about 2 minutes before I came, I tried to push her off because I felt like that's what I should have done but she stayed on me as I came. Without another word she went and opened the back door as a sort of "gtfo" so I went home all wobbly legged and red faced. That was the first time anyways.
>>671618441
but anyways, cousin story
>be me
>cousin turned 18 that week
>we share a house (along with other 21 year old cousin who was a dude)
>cousin and I had an adjoining bathroom, with straight up 3-4 inches between bottom of the door and floor
>when she took showers, I went in my room (other cousin was normally drunk on other side of town, just the 3 of us there)
> take out phone, stick through gap
>take 1000s of pictures over the course of a month
>caught her masturbating once or twice
>finally ends up seeing a reflection (didn't know it was my phone, but she mentioned seeing it
>decide it's time to back off
>>671619264
>MGTOW movement
>Max Gross Take Off Weight Movement
nigga wat r u smokin
>>671619209
the website, not the nudes. Not dumping for the obvious reason
>>671619782
>Men Going Their Own Way
I'm a 28 y/o virgin
>>671619590
read above
I don't care about anyone but myself.
I will not go out of my way to help someone else, unless it's maybe my close family.
I killed my sisters dog
>>671619757
But how did the family find out of she wasn't sure? I mean, shit, the things I've done, I'm pretty sure they know, they just never said it.
>>671619992
Faggot
>>671620244
Wew lad, elaborate. How and why?
>>671604693
I'm 27 years old. Love of my life left me when I turned 24, we were 3 years together. Probably best 3 years of my life seeing as I was so happy but after her I've only just been fuck-buddies with lots of girls and had one night stands.
Also had a "hard" life, father died few years ago. Left me with a huge debt which I've only recently been able to repay. One of my best friends also drowned few months before my old man died from alcohol abuse.
Couldn't find a GF to help me through this tough period seeing as I was drowning in dept, exams and pretty much depressed/angry lots of the time. Drank lots of alcohol and did drugs for a couple of months to numb the pain. Afterwards started getting my shit together.
Now that I'm financially and mentally stable again I don't see the point in love tbh. Enjoying my sex life and changing girls sometimes often and other times just stick with a few of them and fuck them on a weekly basis.
Just do what makes you happy anons fuck the stereotypes and fuck as many bitches as you want to. That special one will come or she won't, doesn't really matter as long as you're enjoying the ride. pic unrelated.
>knocked up a 17 year old when I was 28
>fingerbanged a 16 year old when I was 29 with her uncle in the room
>am shamelessly bisexual
>been celibate for the past 6 years
My gf went to Vegas with her cousin and friends for her birthday and didn't tell me until the day of.
So I fucked a sidechick while she was away. Idgaf
>>671609181
I get completely naked
>>671619318
>I start to get a little paranoid as people walk in and out of the room (have to go through to get to the bathroom)
>this only makes it more exciting for me
>eventually unbutton his jeans and slide my hand into his pants and grab his penis
>continue to massage it while we watch Parks and Rec
>a couple of episodes go by and I can hear his breathing start to get increasingly heavier
>I'm trying as hard as I can to not make it so obvious what we're doing and disturb the blankets
>I feel him tense up besides me and I start to massage more vigorously as he finally cums
>after he finishes, we sorta just sit there for a second shocked that it actually worked
>we looked at each other a burst out laughing
>I've never felt so accomplished
>>671620294
so, I guess she thought a mirror broke outside or some shit (idk), and she told her parents when she got home. obviously the mirror wasn't broken, so when they found out, they started wondering. Never was directly confronted, but yeah. also, what have you done?
>>671608248
Nah man. You remember highschool: nobody that age knows how to be anything besides lazy and passive in bed. Odds are if you go for it, you'll find out the hard way that she fucks like a tranquilized mattress, and that the utterly lackluster sex is not worth the risk.
>>671620483
I didn't mean to but I accidentally snapped it's neck. I buried it . they think it's missing still
>>671606386
The fuck is wrong with you?
>>671614782
IM SO MAD KILL YOURSELF
>>671608248
go back to that other thread you started faggot
I have a confession. I like to post my little penis online. Pic related.
>>671617627
The most reliable way to get a good supply of nudes is to run the service people communicate on.
People busy themselves trying to break into individual accounts to get nudes - snapchat, email, facebook, whatever. But you know who has access to all that and more? The guys who started and own the services. The biggest repositories of nudes are the guys who own fairly popular services, and not just social media - any file repository service, any service that takes data and modifies it on a server (think photo editing), anything that adds a feature to an existing service, any app that requests file system access.
I've done it once or twice with minor services that have netted me a few dozen women at a time but none has taken off. I've still got some ideas to try when I get the time.
>>671621216
This ass wanted t fuck, I said HELL YES
>>671621499
you know any easy ways to break into snapchats? I've gotten lucky once on one of my friends, but never since then.
I jacked off to my newborn baby.
>>671611797
If you would rather be a dad than be a good dad, then carry on. But doing right by the kids you dont have yet means waiting until you can support a family to have them.
>>671621778
I know but your siblings wife? That's pretty terrible, sorry but it is, you should tell your sibling the truth.
>>671616383
I think about this everyday anon
>>671605224
your*
>>671604693
I was a virgin until 19, while all of my friends thought I fucked several girls at 17.
I never told them I did, but I was too afraid to admit it wasn't true..
>>671621778
▲
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>i am no longer newfag
>>671611179
why?
>>671604693
I once raped myself.
It is only a problem because I have multiple personality disorder and that personality has never been the same since
>>671607140
same, anon...
>>671604693
>>671609531
Kek
>>671605999
YOU MONSTER!
>>671610484
>>671611289
All kinds of crazy shit happening in North Carolina.
>>671622270
∆
∆ ∆
Am I doing it right
I really want to fuck my sisters friend. She is 16... I'm 23
You guys did this to me
>>671622240
I know you'll think this is mild and gay as shit, but it made me feel so fucking bad.. so thanks to everyone who reads it, cheers
>>671607769
i do now
>>671604693
I explored 8 chan.. I was suprised at how horrendous those fucks are.
>>671622270
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>>671621778
Good for you, man. I hate my brother, I'd cuck him given the chance.
My girlfriend got an abortion in 2012.
Looking back on it, I think we were both in shock a little bit, because we got ice cream afterwards.
Not that I regret it, but still, a little more emotion at the time probably would have been warranted.
>>671604693
I had my dog lick my dick when I was a kid still feel ashamed
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>>671622459
later that week
>>671622736
is the dog still alive? if so how do you look at it? how does it look at you?
>>671622001
I wrote a web-based snapchat client one time, one of those 'snapsaver' equivalents but in php. That meant it was cross platform and any images they wanted to sneakily save went through my server.
When I was mostly done (all functional, fixing up the UI) snapchat locked down their API to make it hard for third party apps. Annoying as fuck, all that hard work down the drain.
I'd say the most reliable way is to phish people for their credentials and work from there.
I got my best friend's cousin (A) extremely drunk and blew him
When I worked fast food, we had this 13yo unsupervised kid that would just chill in the lobby all day. Two years of seeing him weekly and giving him free food and drinks I ask him to a movie. Gave my first bj to a 15yo in a movoe theatre parking lot
I had a threeway with a 17yo girl and guy (B)
I blew that guy (B)'s 18yo best friend (C), he came back for second bj, then we never talked again
I also blew that guy (B)'s older brother (D)
Then I blew one of his (B) most hated 17yo enemies (E)
Then I blew (B)'s roomate's step-brother. He was 16 and it was in a carwash and he had the biggest fucking horsedick I've ever seen in real life. Actual cokecan and almost 11 inches. On a fucking white redneck with acne. God is a fucking prankster, friends
Then that guy (E) had a 18yo cousin (F) that started txting me he wanted to try guys so i bottomed for him. That lasted 3 years.
I bottomed for a female friend's 13yo brother after he started sending me fb msgs, it was dumb and risky buy a lot of fun
Whew. Man, working at a Taco Bell was fun. I spent my twenties sucking and getting fucked by ratty street teens and skateboarders.
>>671618160
>>671622047
i was having the same exact thoughts a few years ago so I joined the Army genuinely hoping to deploy and die. Then my life started getting better and I started making friends. I deployed and had a few close calls and brushes with death and IMMEDIATELY realized I didn't want to die. I'm not saying join the Army, I highly advise against it actually. My point is just that it can get better, and sometimes you might THINK you want to die, but do you want to risk realizing in those final moments that you actually don't? I hope you find something worth living for brah, and I hope your life is someday filled with sluts and good stories.
>>671611435
Thank you for your service?
You should've stuck it out. You could've been the next Casey Ryback!
I once fucked my mother in law.
>It was an accident, her husband was out of town and I was helping her move her dresser.
>I was backing up from the dresser, didn't see her behind me and ran into her, knocking her down to her knees
>Next thing I knew she had my dick out of my shorts and was sucking my cock
>after she had me good and hard I pushed her over the foot of their bed and pulled her dress up and panties down
>I rode her ass for about 30 minutes, groping her big tits the entire time, then came all over her back and the dress she was wearing
>wife pulled up to the house just as I finished, and her mom didn't have time to change
>My wife was 9 months preggers, and I was horny as hell.
pic related, that evening
>>671608248
the likelihood of you getting laid decreases every single year. sex is worth DEATH anon
>>671604693
I hear a weird brathinglike noise in my right ear. It´s really getting on my nerves.
>>671623010
Damn. I about to join the service for the same reason. Still going to do it though. Hopefully I can make friends like you and survive any close calls... if not... oh well
I came in a co workers Redbull just for the fun of it
>>671606126
Bingo, me to.
>>671612346
Hnnnnnnnng. This is the best time to fuck a chick. Horny as hell and you can splurge your seed all inside of her with zero risk of becoming a father (if the baby already inside of her belongs to someone else). So fucking hot.
>>671611435
glad you're out.
>>671611435
#no ragrets
I had like 2 seizures one year so i have epilepsy on paper and I used that to get ahead in college.
Idgaf
>>671623344
trust me, you will make friends. It sounds cliche but you really do get closer with some of the guys you serve with than your own family. Whatever you do, DO NOT drop out of basic or boot camp. You'll think it's bad while you're there but when you look back you'll realize it wasn't.
>>671606615
LMAO
