General feels thread.
Make me feel depressed /b/
>>671400904
I had teenage love.
She didn't feel the same way and it kind of fucked me up now.
>>671400904
well fuck that made me sad :/
>>671400904
>be me
>cry because that explains my life.
>>671401346
have some more anon.
>>671401597
pls don't
I'm still mourning the loss of my cat
This is the only thing that really fucks me up.
>>671401597
>>671400573
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncM0sVEeirU
This.
Always had an effect on me. Just think about how long theyve been friends. They were best friends even.
"Ive never lost anybody that i care about, hes my best friend"
Also, this has made him who he is today. Fat, miserable and depressed. Its horrible man.
>>671401787
fucking cats, anon. I wish they lived as long as we did.
>>671402056
thread successfully killed. I'm out.
>>671400904
>cum on back
>turns to say "I love you anon"
>"You fucking got semen on my sheets"
Kek
>>671401713
Fuck me.
>>671402044
This always gets me.
Back in the day, Bam seemed like kind of an asshole with the things he did and the pranks he played, but he loved live. Now, like you said, it's like seeing a husk of someone else.
Ryan Dunn was probably the only celebrity I actually got upset about when I heard of his death. I grew up watching Jackass and he was always one of my favorites.
>>671401597
Thats fucking rough man. Lost my cat of 9 years 2 years ago. i look at my dog who is now 6, and i cant help but to think about what im going to do when i lose her aswell
>>671402056
almost teared up fuck me
>>671402299
that one got me
>>671402056
I lost my boy, and I never want to go through that again.
My parents understand why I'll never own a cat of my own, but I also get when they say that you give them a happy life.
>>671402206
>>671401895
>>671401713
my soul...
Feel threads aren't about trying to be depressed their about already feeling down and out feeling like no one cares and nothing you do matters its about feeling like your at your end and wanting to talk with like minded people so just for a fleeting moment you don't feel so alone or broken because you realize who many if us feel the same and it feels like home
About to write up a little life story. Keep thread goin please.
Almost 12 years ago I was 26. I was around seven months pregnant. I had just gotten back from some baby shopping. Clothes, toys, etc. It had iced over the previous night, and as I was walking up the steps, I slipped. I remember as the ultrasound specialist wasn't able to find my baby's heartbeat. The absolute worst few minutes of my life. It felt as if time had stopped completely. Part of my heart died that day. I only wish I had gotten to hold him
>>671400573
Nobody needs to make you feel depressed
you already know you're worthless and your life meaningless
plz just do us a favor and kill yourself kthxbai
"if you want i'll sell you a life story..." - Lee Mavers
>>671404723
Fuck that made me want to kill myself.
>>671404492
I'm so sorry. Nothing can compare to losing a child.
>>671401895
Why not kill the two other people, then yourself?
>>671405468
comical really
>>671405129
Thank you. I swore to myself I'd never get pregnant again as I was pretty numb from losing my baby, and I didn't want any chance of that happening again. Last month I conceived by accident, and although I'm slowly warming up to being pregnant again, I've been so paranoid that I need my husband to help me walk up every set of stairs.
>>671405655
Hes done far worse than kill them, he's hurt them. And he's going to go on hurting them.
>>671406048
summed it right the fuck up anon
>>671406572
Doubt it. Any woman or man who cheats knowingly has no feelings. Pain is the only thing that they know as punishment.
>>671405655
Why kill yourself or anyone over a cheating cunt just be happy she's gone and is someone else's problem
>>671406512
I wish you the best of luck.
I hope that child brings you an immeasurable amount of happiness.
>>671406512
Then isolate yourself if you must. Dunno where you live but I assume the Northern Hemisphere so luckily it will keep getting warmer for the next while and by the time your baby is ready is will start to get cold but not icy (depending on where you live). I hope your baby is the light of your life and I know he/she will love you as much as you love them, even if they can't say it yet. :)
>>671406512
My wife and I were lucky with our first, she was born 3 months premature, lived in the hospital for months, but now she's 3 with very few complications as a result of early birth--our second is four months old and perfect.
I don't say this to make you feel bad. I'm just expressing how incredibly fortunate we feel, knowing how easily we could've lost our daughter. While we didn't have to go through what you did and can't fully comprehend it, we do have at least a glimmer.
I've had two friends in the last year lose their babies the day they were born. One is already pregnant again, and the other plans to eventually. I just want you to know there's hope and a whole lot of love.
wallpaper but feels as well
>>671406972
You've clearly never been in love before, anon.
The best time of my life was when i was 12 and playing retarded games like minecraft, there I had 'friends'. I would go on teamspeak everyday straight after school and talk to these people for hours on weekends and holidays we could stay up talking and laughing for 24 hours straight. I loved it, even though because of it i was anti social in real life. Now these people I considered my real friends (online friends), the people who i was most close to in my life have all moved on and are actually doing something with their lives. I'm stuck here with no friends and no one who cares about me. I still go on teamspeak everyday in the hopes I can see my friends again
>>671406914
Oh grow up.
Sorry if this picture is rough for some people but I want to contribute to the thread.
>>671401895
cringe, this place is full of children now
>>671406512
Damn that's some pretty heavy shit I wish you the best of luck I'm sure it will be fine though
>>671406914
>>671407315
Besides, it was a fucking wrath of khan reference
>Be me like 13-14.
>Easy life as a child, go to school, hang out with friends, go home, play runescape.
>Weekends always shit because I have to help at family beauty supply store which I hate being at.
>eventually finishing middle school when I meet my best friend
>Talk a shit ton and I'm starting to like her a lot.
>Freshman year, parents work even more now. 9-7 all days 9-4 on sundays.
>parents always mad asf. I ignore it.
>Eventually one day parents gets super pissed off with each other and start throwing pans at one another.
>Dad takes his car and leaves for a good few days.
>Eventually comes back for god knows why
>Mom decides that I should be helping more with the family, so she makes me go to "the store" whenever I can.
> Have no more free time to hang out with school friends, become antisocial asf because don't know anyone in high school, grades dropping like fuck because always at "the store" so I can't study.
>still talk to best friend as much as i can.
>end of first semester 9th grade and my grades are shit. Mom sees my grade takes away all my gaming shit, I'm like alright reasonable enough.
>Makes me work more at "the store"
>Start getting fatter and fatter to the point I get phosorsis.
>Mom thinks it's because I don't go outside enough because all I do is play vidya
> Don't tell her all my friends invite me to do things on Fridays and Saturdays but I'm always at "the store" so they just don't want to hang out anymore.
>Get depressed asf because my free time is spent on vidya.
>phosorsis gets worse, I get fatter. Getting even more distant from people in school. Grades are shit also.
>Luckily don't have to spend sundays at work anymore.
>My best friend, (let's call her)Madison, tells me that she's about to ask out one of my close friends.
>feelsbadman.jpeg
>tell her to go for it like a beta fuck.
>end of freshman year and the two start going out.
>Never hang out with Madison or friends anymore because vidya and parents force labor.
Cont.?
bump
>>671405468
Fuck that one got me
>>671407208
Yea I have gave my whole self to a girl thought that she was the on only to have her cheat on me for a few months before I found out sure I was mad and had some dark thoughts but nothing I ever go through with yea I wanted to just close out the world but never wanted to hurt her because I did love her no matter what she did to me and it was some bad she that she did
>>671406988
>>671407352
Thank you guys so much :)
>>671407763
cont please
also what the fuck is phosorsis? google shows me nothing
>>671407763
is this the "im at the store" meme
>>671407763
i'm listening
>>671407763
listening as well
>>671407987
No problem just be calm about it ever thing works out the way it's supposed to
>>671407171
I'm so happy for you that your daughter is healthy and safe =) I've never been a spiritual person, but when I first found out I was pregnant with my son (first pregnancy) I'd hear the song arms wide open constantly on the radio. When I lost him, I stopped hearing it. I honestly didn't want to because it was a happy memory, and to me happy memories that you'll never relive are the worst. Anyway, a few days after I found out I was pregnant again, I was sitting in my car with such anxiety, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through with this pregnancy. I turned on the radio and sure enough the song arms wide open came on. Pretty odd coincidence if you ask me
>>671408501
me too
>>671400573
There is a girl living in the building beside mine. Just saw her bf come over and when he sat down on the coach the ponced and cuddled on to him and they looked so happy. Seeing this gave me anxiety attack and pretty much ruined my night. Why I am so weak?
>>671407763
Keep it coming
>>671401160
Are you me??
>>671407152
Thank you so much! Yes, I live in Canada so it gets pretty cold. It has been unusually warm this year. Luckily I'll be moving somewhere warmer in a few months, so I won't have to worry. I have to admit, getting this off my chest is allowing me to be excited again =)
>>671408987
>Guy is dead
>jokes about his death and calls him an asshole
nice
>>671400573
This is my ex.
We used to be happy together in a long distance relationship back in 2011/2012. However, in my degeneracy, I broke up with her cause I thought I'd be able to get with girls locally.
Since I broke up with her just under 4 years ago, my love-life has been an absolute trainwreck and I've recently been seriously regretting my decision.
Pic attached is of her now. Was able to find on Facebook.
>>671409187
Only if you're a depressed wreck
>>671400904
>mfw they have loose used up pussies
>>671409212
I'm glad to hear that. It always helps to talk
Also for anyone in the thread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8byjAhGO2so
>>671409315
Sounds like time to call her and cry and ask for her to forgive you and how much you love and miss her. Make sure to add your a stupid fuck and this was your biggest mistake.
>>671400904
Hits home...hard
>>671409760
Yeah, love your sarcasm.
>>671409760
Don't do this. Being pathetic is a huge turn-off.
My mothers dying slowly. My mother is one of my best friends. Im losing my best friend and my mother slowly.
>>671404723
Shoo, edgy sperglord. We're trying to be emotional here.
>>671409445
Yea.... Your me... I miss her too man. She is already with someone else and it was less than a month. Its hard i know. I keep hoping she will call or text but she doesnt. She was 4 years of my life, for years or me, of us, gone. I fucked up. Alot. I just never realised how badly. Kinda like how life flashes before your eyes right before death. Except its the time you spent being happy thats flashing, and it keeps flashing everyday. I just miss her...
>>671409760
I tried to send her a message on facebook the other day. I didn't really say much in it but I haven't gotten a response.
>>671400904
Jesus, that really hit home for me. I'm 21 and have never had a real relationship.
You will never have a daughter.
>>671407763
>>671408209
Meant psoriasis fuck. Basically scaly shit I'll get into that.
>First day of sophomore year.
>See madison with (let's call him) Josh, her boyfriend and my friend.
>Comes over to me and hugs me.
>"I missed you so much anon! We got to hang out more often"
>Me being beta asf " sorry... work"
>leaves for first class. Bell rings and guess who sits behind me.
>Madison.
>"Now we can catch up anon" she says as she smiles.
>Told her I couldn't wait to spend the year with her, but didn't say I actually loved her.
>We exchange schedules and we see that we have the majority of our classes together.
>heart starts pumping because I realise I can be closer to her.
>First day we just get papers, introduce ourselves, then talk with friends. Ofc I talked to Madison all day.
>she says some personal shit and i get to know that josh means so much to her.
>End the first day and I'm feeling happy asf so when I get home I play tf out of cs:go.
>Mom gets home so I have to turn off vidya or see gets pissed.
>She's mad asf for some reason, probably because my dad and mom always gets in fights at "the store" and she vents it mostly on me.
>basic asian mother rant about how I should git good when she tells me to go to sleep.
>Fall asleep ignoring what just happened when like 15 minutes later my mom comes in and asks.
>"Anon! Let me use your laptop o need to print papers."
>alright.jpeg.
>Hand her my laptop and she goes to her room to use th printer.
>about to fall asleep when all of the sudden
>"ANON WHAT IS THIS YOU BASTARD!"
>.ohshit.jpeg
>look at screen and see fucking steam screens hits for when I was playing cs:go.
Cont? Want to see if thread al8ve.
>>671410713
>wanting a daughter that will, most likely, enjoy getting gangbanged by a group of niggers
pass
>>671410244
>>671410244
Not the anon you were talking to but I have experienced this same thing. It's been years since she left and it still hasn't gotten better, only worse. Hope your case is different anon.
>>671401894
Have some more
always hits me hard
>>671410292
It's because she doesn't want anything to do with you I hope I'm wrong for your sake but that's usually how it goes just cut her off count your losses and move on trust that you'll be happier
>>671410244
We're almost the same, friend, but not entirely.
I've known this girl for a little over 10 years. I grew up with her, We started off as friends, then best friends, but I slowly began to develop feelings for her. It got to the point where I had to face the face that I was in love with her.
I was moving away, so I felt it important to finally tell her everything. So, I did. I told her everything. She took it well, but it was pretty clear that she didn't feel the same way.
A week later, she stopped talking to me altogether. I tried multiple times to contact her on different platforms, but nothing. I had to accept that she didn't want anything to do with me.
Then I started down the lonely spiral of depression.
Now I only hear from her on our birthday (same day and year). Just a quick "Happy Birthday" and that's it.
>>671411115
I don't understand the Dragonite pic at all but good god that is some sad text, I hope no father like that ever has that happen to him that's just fucked up
>>671411278
I just saved that a couple threads back. I cried like a beta, but I'm going to keep it, most likely forever. It hurt to read.
>>671408987
This one hit me so hard
I miss my friend so so so much
it's 9 months later and
I carved her name into my flesh
I'm such an idiot
>>671411588
I'm probably not going to try again in the near future.
The worst bit isn't so much that I broke up with her (it was what I needed at the time). It was the fact that I basically severed all contact with her. I have no idea why I did it. It was really difficult to find her again. I just wish I had tried to stay in contact with her over the past 4 years. I had always wanted to talk to her again. I don't know why I waited this long.
>>671411814
Don't feel like an idiot about it I have wanted to do the same with a lot of things. Dunno where you carved it or how big it is but I don't think many people would judge you poorly if they saw it. I also have the image and yeah it hit me pretty hard too.
>>671410998
Seems like a few of us know this feel all to well you just got to wait it out and start doing shit for you it can get better from someone who is finally starting to see the light
>>671412077
thank you so much
>>671410868
cont, im intrigued
>>671402374
oh fuck this, this really got me
>>671412047
I'd just let it be if she responses great but if not that's you answer I've made the mistake of texting apologies to an ex or two and it never really does much but dig you in deeper. What did you send her if you don't mind sharing
>>671412170
You're welcome friend :)
What is her name?
Anyone have a favourite sad song?
Here's mine:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsjHl7vFykQ
>>671410868
I'm listening.
>>671412882
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFGvmrJ5rjM
>>671402559
so no homework?
>>671410922
>what is good parenting?
>>671412612
It's a little bit complicated.
Basically, I offered her access to one of her defunct facebook accounts that I have access to and sent her a message from. It's a long story as to how I ended up with access to it and not her but it wasn't my fault. She already lost access to it before I hacked it.
The specific message I sent was this:
"Do you remember this facebook account?
Would you like to be able to access it again?
I know it's been very long time."
I couldn't send her a message from my account as her new account is private and only visible to friends of friends.
I had wanted to send her a text ideally but I lost her number at some point over the past 4 years and my only friend who might have it hasn't responded to my email yet.
>>671413258
Do you REALLY think that's all it takes?
Do you really think that every pornstar had a tough upbringing and had shitty parents?
>>671410868
cont please
>>671412882
http://youtu.be/OilFXaRuD_o
>>671412882
http://youtu.be/iXt6CNKqLVQ
>>671413745
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZgbol-QXo8
>>671413885
so good
>>671413350
Ok well that might not have been the best way to go about it atlest not the way you word it seems kinda creepish or like blak mail maybe you should send another one saying something along the line of I'm sorry how we ended and sorry I cut you out of my life I wish I had stayed in contact and that we were still friends tell her the fb account is a peace offer
>>671412882
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3yQiNutBqQ
She Wants Revenge is good for any occasion.
>>671408987
>>671409225
>>671414395
I had wanted to talk about all that stuff after she responded. I just thought it would be a good way to break the ice. Particularly because I was sending her a message from her old account.
I thought about sending another one but I just have no idea what to say.
I don't really know what she thinks about me now or how she has over the past 4 years. I didn't want to immediately start with an apology. She could be really angry and full of regret or she could be perfectly happy and not even think about me anymore.
>>671410868
continue
Worth the read
>>671400573
Try playing Hearthstone, after 3 god draws, you will get all the will in the world in order to kill yourself, trust me.
My friends force their desire for me to live on me everyday and it's eating me up. I know wanting to die over someone leaving your life is pretty weak. It's not just the one though, every person I've tried to share my life with has left in some way or another and now I'm sitting here, in an apartment with people who think I "will be fine"
Biggest mistake I've made recently since all my roommates are couples constantly reminding me of the lonely misery I sit in while I pay the most on bills.
I wish they'd just accept it and let me die.
>>671407763
>>671410868
>Mom throws down laptop and start screaming even Louder than an average asian mother.
>imfucked.bat
>She says shit in korean wich I don't know much of so I stand there taking the heat and she just starts packing some clothes and says.
>"I never want see you again bastard" ( rough translation/summary)
>On street crying, thinking about how life has keep on fucking me over and over.
>but I say fuck it. I'm going to look at the better things in life and hope for the best.
> I guess that worked because my mom found me soon after and really softly said
>"I'm sorry, come back home and sleep."
>she still sounded pissed asf but I came home and slept it out.
.
.
Ok /b/, I plan on doing a speech on my shitty prom and developed a written guideline as to what I will say? Can y'all rate my story?
>>671415759
ok post it
>>671415507
>Life didn't really change after that. I got more depressed than ever and I played more vidya and my psoriasis got so fucking bad I was forced to wear sweatpants and sweatshirts year round.
>Still have to work at " the store" too so I don't get out much. But I still talk to Madison and my childhood friends.
> My relationship with Madison however, grew and grew over the course of the 10th grade. She told me about how she missed her father because he died when she was only little but she still remember him as a great parent. She told me about how much she wanted to be a writer. She told me everything that was going good and bad with her life.
>But I never her told her how I felt.
>Life continued and my psoriasis is beyond normal means as it reaches throughout the entirety of my body.
>my mom claims it's because I don't play outside at all( but I was in the marching band wich I spent most of my pre summer and Saturdays at) but I keep thinking it's because of my anxiety.
> Life continues and I decide I translate what tf my mom said to me the night I got kicked out.
>Pretty much she told me I was the most useless child and i should just go live by myself where I'm not such a burden.
>Have to admit I thought of running away or killing my self because if this but my love for madison was pretty much the only reason why I wanted to live.
Still more 1 sec
>>671413506
They don't naturally want to be cumbuckets, they're just more suceptible to peer pressure and the media/state schools which have funneled their natural desire to have the best possible sperm donor into convincing them they love brown dick.
Also yes, at least a vast majority of them
>>671415507
>The year went on and most of that year was foggy besides the memories of more fights between my parents which my mom yells at me where I just cry myself to sleep.
>My relationship with Madison becamee dimmer my junior year because I don't have any classes with her and I always have to work.
>it seems like she's been avoiding me that year, saying she has to go when I approach her, hardly responding to my texts and so on.
>I kinda get depressed about that but I keep moving on.
>this is the first talking about my other family members but, they all think lowly of me. Not just my mother.
>sure I have some laughs with my brother, but he just orders me around to do chores my mom gave him to do and when I do a shit job at them, he beats me up, calling me useless trash.
>And i feel that way.
>One day after all this shit at "the store" Madison called me. I answered and she was balling out tears telling me what happened.
> apparently her sister has anxiety attacks and lashes out at Madison verbally and she gets so scared.
>I kind of sit there not knowing how to respond to her, thinking about my problems in life and thinking about hers. I wanted to tell her about how much I loved her but my life is so fucked I wish I would be dead. But I didn't and i was there for her again calming her down.
>after she calmed down I said sorry and hung up.
Still more 1 sec
>>671414874
Ok I can respect that you don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve right of the bat but you should think about letting her know that you just want to talk and that fb account was the only way you could find to contact her with
>>671413941
thanks
>>671415759
Eddie Vedder, the singer of Pearl Jam, once said that "...you can't really have a true love unless it was a love unrequited. It's a harsh one, because then your truest one is the one you can't have forever." This is a story of that such love. It all began the winter of my senior year. Football season was over, recruiting was taking shape, and I was relaxing during the winter break. During one of the off days, I was with my brother at one of his friends house, playing FIFA 15. After serving some fútbol justice with Bayern Leverkusen, I decided to message some of my friends I haven't talked to in a while or completely new ones. One responds, Lexi, a girl I recently stated to talk to my senior year. We had a lot in common, such as taste of music, lovers of NFC North NFL football, abit her being a Bears fan, and our love for Star Wars. A mutual interest was established and we kept talking. This kept on for the rest of the winter, with our encounters becoming more and more bright.
>>671416110
Maybe. I'll have to think about exactly what I'm going to say though. I guess I'll have to do it soon or not ever. It was already a week ago that I sent the first message.
Want my life story?
>23, femanon
>got bullied through school
>relationship with parents and siblings was shit
>parents thought I was acting up, sent me to shrink
>got a school psychologist and a "educational guardian" who made sure I went to school
>no friends whatsoever, skipped last school day
>time passed, did my education, still alone as fuck
>forced to help parents out because I live at home and if I don't we'll starve, I constantly feel that if I don't help people then I'm the cause of their suffering and if I think about myself it'll all come crashing down
>got diagnosed with bowel cancer back in April last year, still fighting it
>life is good and I'm so fucking grateful
>life is good
>>671416611
Spring fast approached, with the smell of flowers and the buzz of prom in the air. Me, I never cared much for it. I skipped it my junior year to hang out with my bros, well worth it. This year however, I wanted to at least experience it. I was confident the event would transpire in my favor. I will be honest however. I really never concentrated on romantic relationships throughout my High School career. Sure, I developed petty crushes on pretty girls but those faded quickly. Football, friends, and grades were my priority. As the thought and idea of prom circled my mind like a vulture, I decided to act. I had plenty of choices in terms of dates but 3 were established as my top choices. My (arguably) closest friend out of that bunch, Grace, who was a junior, a girl that I've known since middle school and a good friend in Amanda, and the "prospect" Lexi. My main bros were pushing and pulling me to ask Grace, and so I decided so. With research in hand as well as a main idea in terms in of a "Promposal" (I know it sounds stupid), I waited for a good day to get everything ready. However, there was a road bump when one of her fellow dancers told me that a junior that was a teammate of mine had been talking to Grace for weeks concerning prom. He sadly had a reputation for jumping from girl to girl yet he was a "popular guy." Accepting my fate in my usually peaceful manner much to my bros' protests, I decide to go for the backups. Amanda's group apparently was going to have drugs so I immediate crossed her off the list. Lexi was in my sights.
>>671416544
Godspeed you glorious bastard
>>671416544
I wonder which side he's on
>>671400904
That's something really fucking stupid and made me cringe.
>>671416800
I text her one day asking what her plans were for prom. She says that she's planning to "be a loner but will still party it out." I smile. Bingo. I tell her that I plan on asking someone very soon, and she gets all excited, telling me she's wants pictures of me and the fateful date. She will get those pictures. About a week passes and after 1 failed attempt due to theatre problems on her part (it gets stressful, it's something I learned), I prepare my main attempt with a cookie cake and fresh tulips in hand. My bros escort me to my truck to get the supplies, and I handle it from there. I run into her in the theatre building, and she immediately noticed the items. A smile ran across her face. She said yes and got the picture she wanted. I felt like the king of the world that day, nothing could topple me. Praises were to be had. Days and weeks pass by, and the interest continues to intensify. I even visit her during theatre rehearsals, with many of the guys in there being supportive of me. However, spring break approaches, and I could feel a change in the air, something just felt...off. I try to hang out with her but she declines it due to her parents not being home yet one of her theatre (guy) friends shows up. She piles on excuses on excuses yet tells me she would have loved to. I push it aside as nothing but a few days later, I start solidifying plans. One being the ride situation. In traditional style, the guy shows up at the gals house, greets the parents politely, comments how gorgeous the date looks, awkwardly pin corsages on each other, and take off together to dinner/prom. At least, that's how my mind imagined the situation. In her mind though, I can't quite grasp the reasoning behind her response. She tells me she is going to ride with her friends, the same ones she spends practically everyday with, leaving me in the dust. I tell her that I would love to meet her parents, but she shrugs it off.
>>671400904
Pepe in 2011
>>671401894
This Is the one for me too man :(
>>671417047
Oddly determined, she tells me it's final and remarks behind my back on Twitter out of spite. My mom, quite dumbfounded by her decision, tells me it's best just to roll with it. So I do. I keep the faith that everything will go great. With the fateful day fast approaching, I decide to go outside the box with a blast from the past deed. I create a mixtape, capturing our respective tastes in music. The Stone Temple Pilots, Rolling Stones, and Black Keys collided with Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, and Twenty One Pilots, whom she introduced me to. My hopelessly romantic self thought she would adore this act, and more or less me. Before I knew, the day arrived. My tux was ready, and so was my body. My parents bid me farewell and to enjoy the night. With the mix tape tucked away in the safety of my truck's glove compartment, I make my voyage to the Grand Marriot in downtown San Antonio, alone. The valet guy takes my truck to park with a tip in hand, and I head inside to pay for valet. With that business taken care of, I wait for the arrival of my date. The minutes dragged on and on, and before I knew it, mostly everyone was here. Except my date and her girlfriends. I even ran into her mom, who seemed largely impressed by my manners. She explained that Lexi was running very late. Even she agreed that I should have picked her up.
>>671400904
Bruh...
I'm no kissless virgin but i never got with the girl i was in deep love with, kinda fucked me up now
>Her
>Her
>Her
>Depression
>Her
>Her
Every feeks thread in 4chan's history
>>671417335
Thankfully, she arrived the moment everyone started to lose patience. I felt paralyzed by her stunning beauty. We took some pictures, and headed off to dinner. I thought during this time we would be able to converse with each other and talk about how excited we were but sadly she didn't have much to say. I would talk to my newfound theatre bros and try to incorporate her but nothing worked. I shrugged it off and wolfed down my pasta. One extra tidbit, I never had to pay for the $25 dinner. Rad. We finish up and she finally allows me to drive her to Sunset Station, the site of the prom. I let her "dj" using my vast amounts of songs but she just sticks to Twenty One Pilots. Of course... We arrive and she seems more upbeat around me, a good sign. When we turn our tickets in, she exclaimed that she wanted to keep hers, which had her name written in neat cursive. I agree and neatly put it into my tux pocket. She says we should separate momentarily to look for friends, to which I agreed and set off to find my main bros. After minor conversation with them, I set off to find Lexi but she ended up sending me on a giant 10 minute goose chase. Me and her group make our way to the dance floor for the first time, and I start getting nervous. I learned some dance moves like the Peter Crouch robot and the Carlton although I found these difficult to pull off due to limiting space. It was a moshpit of sweat, eager testosterone, and awkward dancing. Lexi was having a blast with her friends but I just kinda drifted off, just waiting for an opportunity to dance with her, not her friends.
>be me
>graduate in 2013
>say fuck it and don't do college for a year
>was always generally depressed for years
>autism
>just autistic enough to function but basically every single shit social trait i get full blown
>all i ever do is work
>the very few friends i did have i alienate and drive away all but two
>do this til 2014
>think hey i need something that forces me around people
>finally go to college hours away from hometown and only friends
>think i will finally stop being a beta fuck
>things seem okay at first
>one of the first people i ever talked to is my best friends gf who also ended up at the college
>met a few of her friends
>seemed okay
>the would be the one single time i didn't eat any meal of any kind alone
>would go to the main food hall everyday, wouldn't sit with anyone but would go there anyways
>semester goes on
>end up not really speaking with much of literally fucking anyone
>don't even speak to people in the foreign language class i had
>that awesome feel of people pairing up to do an assignment while you just look around like a retard as no-one even thinks to approach you and you stare at the wall the whole time.
>progressively start failing the shit out of all your classes
>can count on my hand the number of interactions with people i had
>just get any meal in a to go container
>the last time i even spoke to a person there was like late November that semester
>was best-friends gf
>didn't utter a word to a human outside of a forced interaction like buying food or something
>see in food court get the usual 'oh hey'
>try to at least extend the human contact with a simple 'oh what are you up to'
>get a cold snappy irritated 'just getting food'
That always really fucking stuck a knife in my gut, still thinking it about it does.
Didn't talk to another person the entire time, dropped out hastily that January of '15.
Now my high-school crush who despises me goes to that uni and my autism is wanting me to go back, but that's a tale for another day.
The only time I felt alive again during my 5 year long depression is when I dropped a crap ton of acid + MDMA
Thinking of doing it again soon, anyone else hide their depression behind drugs?
>>671416050
>She texted me later that night and she asked what I meant by I'm sorry
>then I told her.
>I told her about my skin condition, how I feel like literal trash on public, how my family hates me, how my own mother kicked me out of the house and tried to disown me
>I never really told anything about my Crippling depression because I just didn't seem that way to people.
>With my friends I'm always laughing getting them to laugh, having such a great time.
>but why would I tell them that I feel empty, that life seems to fuck me over and over and I wish I could just end all the pain there and just fucking end myself.
>but I don't tell them that. Not anyone, till I told madison and her response was unexpected.
> she loved me. Not like a boyfriend, but like a brother because she knew that I told her something that I never told anyone else in my life.
>We spent the night just talking witch each other by the phone and that was it.
>We don't talk much anymore yet again.
>I have depression yet again.
>my skin is shit and my mom is still a female Kim Jun un.
But you know what
life moves on
here I am almost a senior (call me a newfag idc to be honest) and life is shit
But you know what, sometimes you got to look past all the depressing moments and live for the moments where you love life. If you have to run away to achieve that do so. I see that is what will happen to me but I don't mind. Seems better than living like I am now.
Live life because you want to, not because you have to.
-Dan
>>671417608
I hide behind vidya
>>671417608
I hide behind the door to my room
>>671417483
Before I knew it, the chance came. Ed Sheeran's overrated piece "Thinking Out Loud" began to play. The leader in me barges in, taking Lexi into my arms and start slow dancing. Using what I learned, I look into her captivating brown eyes but she doesn't do the same. Her eyes go back and forth as if a fly was hovering above my head. We mouth the lyrics (I listened to this song a few times thinking I was going to use it in the mixtape but decided no) but I don't even think she noticed. The song ends and she gets back with her friends momentarily. I feel uneasy after the dance, almost as if I knew it was going to be a rough night. The night ends up becoming a cycle of going on goose-hunts for Lexi (who would take off randomly with her friends) and never actually dancing with her. I actually dance with one of her drop dead gorgeous friends, who seemed pretty happy when I danced with her. The night begins to wrap up, with my main bros having left an hour ago, and other friends going to parties, etc. There only a few boyfriends and girlfriends on the floor as well as some single outcasts. Seeing them, I swallow my pride and ask Lexi to dance, who was (again) taking pictures with her girlfriends. She reluctantly agrees and we head on down. Her friends circle us like buzzards. With the extra room, I get to display my creativity with much applause and laughter from her friends but she was unmoved, like a statue.
>>671417922
There was one more slow song that I can't quite remember, more or so the same situation as Ed Sheeran. But the next will be forever engraved in my mind. The last song. "Save The Last Dance For Me" by Michael Buble. A song on the mixtape. After the slow dance, she immediately goes to find a somewhat familiar drop dead gorgeous girl, maybe the one I danced with. And I mean IMMEDIATELY. They dance, and it's intense. They twirl, and laugh, and smile. It was almost romantic... I look at them onwards while Buble exclaims to "Don't give your heart to anyone (while we are apart)" and "to save the last dance for me."
I felt defeated, my self esteem plummeting like a meteor. And she could see it. We meet eyes. A girl that felt like the queen of life, and a man who felt destroyed, defeated. She keeps on dancing, almost as if she couldn't spare her pity on the man who had the audacity to ask her to prom. I only pray that the song ended soon. Much to my relief, it does, with everybody scurrying out. Worn out, I remember my gift. A potential redemption. The mixtape. After some more pictures, I calmly tell her that I have something to show her. She agrees, and we walk together one last time to my 2004 Tacoma, waiting for us. I hand her the mixtape, much to her surprise. She gives me a warm smile and an awkward thanks. Thinking I could salvage this mess, I ask if I could drop her off. She said she was going to stay with her girlfriends, unsurprisingly. We bid farewell, and I break down. The tears unexpectedly come in, and I let them. As a man considered strong, immensely powerful, I felt weak, worthless. Used and tossed aside.
>>671418075
Eddie Vermer sang his heart out in Pearl Jams unplugged version of Black while I sang my heart out. It's how the emotion was quelled. I arrive home, and my parents could already tell what I had been through. They comfort me like any loving mother and father would, and tell me to try my best to forget it, even if the sting lasts a while. I then get a text, from Lexi. She exclaims that she had a fantastic time, and thanked me for the "magical" night. I shrug it off then felt something in my pocket. Lexi's prom ticket. The months then pass by, with her briefly showing up at my college football signing to give me candy. Communication went dead. The ticket was returned to much curiosity from her friends. Graduation came and went, and thinking that she would care somewhat, I call her to take pictures. She says that her and her mom left but said it was nice hearing from me. She then blocked me on all social media, then unblocked me. Strange tactics, but my concern was gone. Then I realized. The love was gone, but the love I had was genuine. For it was a love unrequited. One that wouldn't last forever but would but the truest. One that would swiftly end in one night.
Sorry if it's long lads but the speech has to be 7-12 minutes. It's right about where I want it to be time wise.
>>671417606
Do it. What do you have to lose?
Just do anything your mind wants you to do (not fucking 10 year Olds ofc)
There's no real endgame if you get dumped or someone says your shit.
You just move on.
Move on and live life in a new perspective
>>671416732
>Dad was a pilot in the USAF in Nebraska
>When I was 12 he died in a plane downing, never got to see his body or go to his funeral
>Got told he flew F-16s
>Never got to see him often, only once a month
>Mom died in a car crash when I was 15, 18 wheeler picked her up and threw her off the freeway into a forest
>Went to live with my uncle
>Incredibly abusive, threw me into walls and at multiple points smashed my head through windows
>Threatened to shoot me multiple times
>Turn 18
>Left the state, went to California
>Have been alone ever since
>29 now
Life gets better fam, at least now I can't feel much of anything.
>>671402559
so beautiful and sad
>>671416732
>Life is good
>Life is good
Life is shit. You are going to have to live with thay fact I'm sorry to tell you but life is complete utter shit. You just have to make some memorable moments to make a dent in all the fucking shit storm life throws at you.
>>671410244
I feel you, man
A day in my life doesn't go by when I regret what happened. My story is almost exactly like yours.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtVDn6ajVCQ
>>671418634
I know that but all of my happy moments are some that involves me doing something for others and never myself. What do you make of that?
>>671418541
Holy shit dude :(
>>671418846
cuck
>>671407242
A while ago I bought a mic for my ps3, and immediately I made friends. I'd have full lobbies in call of duty, I was the king. It was amazing. Then eventually I started hanging out with a group of them maybe 5-6. Then only 4. Then only 1. Now they've all moved on and I'm still there hoping that one day one of them will come back. I feel you there anon.
Best thing i've ever done in my life is
seeing my best friend after she died and
putting her piercings back in place because without it it wouldn't feel like a goodbye from her
Her jewellery made her, so, her
>>671418846
Then go find someone as fucked as you and make friends of them If you know what makes you happy go out and do it. If you can't get out there let them find you. Keep lurking maybe you'll find a best friend :)
Or a rapist nvm don't lurk on /b/ wtf I'm high
Btw OP of this thread. Hope everything gets better. ;)
>>671416623
Shit that's a bit of time but like I said it might have put her off the way you went about it if you feel brave try one last time but that should be it if she doesn't respond wish I could be more useful you seem to be in a similar situation that I was in I got overly eager and I kinda messed it up big time so I'd just stay calm send one last one saying you want to talk and had no other way of getting ahold of her that you want to give the fb back to her and hope for the best
>>671418290
that's the shit thing man. I wiped the slate clean for myself,i had like one good week, then once i started talking to people it felt like a fucking t.v. show high school for the loser kid, all those shit tier weird looks from girls and shit. Holy fuck i never felt so shit.
>>671400573
>feels
>>671409315
I did the same thing bud. It really sucks.
>>671418075
ouch nigga
>>671407242
OP here.
I know where your coming from. I have more Internet friends that I know more about than some real life friends. But what's stopping you from metting them? Country boundries? Who cares? Find something that connects you both and a friendship should last a lifetime man. If you both have such good memories than you both won't forget about each other.
>>671419506
Thanks bro, send some of whatever you smoke my way will ya? I'd give anything to smoke up right now... Much luv
You know that
Everyday of my life
every fucking day
I will never see her again
they see there is an expiration date to grieving
That's true
Your friends will move on
But you won't
Because every day you'll wake up to none and
i just wish i could've said goodbye
See you on the other side
>>671402206
>*kiss*
first time I've actually cringed in a feels thread
>have a younger friend
>younger friend sleeps with a bunch of guys that either break her heart or she stops talking to them in order to have someone to shit on when we talk
>I am always honest with her about aforementioned sketchy relationships
>she doesn't like the honesty
>after 6 years of knowing her, I finally get involved in a causal sex thing with my neighbor--not in an actual relationship, but a fun fling
>I develop feelings and confide in shit friend
>she immediately attacks the fling--that I'm not hyping up as a relationship even though I am emotionally invested
>tells me I'm too afraid to bring up my feelings because reality will crush my happy perspective of situation
Why do I even have friends? I'm not chasing a relationship because I know that I'm not ready for one: I'm battling alcoholism, anorexia, an anxiety disorder and PTSD. I'm off my meds and I'm dead broke. I realize this about myself. I just don't understand why she has to attack me the moment I make myself vulnerable.
>tfw have to stay guarded even around friends
>>671417608
I try now and then with alcohol, but it doesn't work, and i feel worse after. I feel like i've been in an emotional fucking coma since 2005'. I only felt alive once since then, followed by the worst i've ever felt. Going full fucking autist over a girl that i was never anything more than an acquaintance too.
>i always knew i was autist but high function
>learn entirely and strongly show just how inaccurate that is
>never knew the mind blindness was even a thing for me,
thought it was just for super autists like the ones that don't get clear sarcasm. Always scoffed at it.
>didn't know about muh Echolalia (basically you constantly repeat shit, for i unknowingly would bring up the same shit over and over again, only found out them because it had been the only time in my life i really interacted with anyone.)
For me it was literally everything else.
>don't get when someones being flirty or nice
>mean or just poking fun
>would be lucky enough to always take each and everything the polar end of what was really meant.
Have no idea how fucking gay it is to think and feel you know how people work, and then see the complete opposite in every single, possible variable. Maybe it was just Denial any person would normally get, to make myself think the opposite, but the autism surely didn't fucking help.
>>671419718
Same guy and also OP of thread. I've been lurking on feel threads trying to get people like you up and running.
So what? I get judged fir wearing fucking sweatshirts all the time by "popular" girls but who cares? Find something you like doing i.e. gaming. Go to a local make friends upon friends. You don't have to make everyone like you there will always people like that give fucking smirks commenting on how fucking beta you are but why not just be the alpha of betas?
>>671410708
mah nigga.
>>671420198
This made me sad
It's been bad for 5 years now. It's not even worth talking about anymore. I will never know legitimate love from my family. It's very sad being ugly and alone, even if you have confidence and a good personality. I hope your grateful if you not ugly, not lucky, just grateful. I hate my life. I wish I could kill myself. I wish my grandpa hadn't molested me. I wish when u admitted it my mother believed me. I wish My mother loved me for more then child support after my parents got divorced because she cheated on my dad. I wish my dad wasn't manipulative and verbally abusive. I wish I didn't have manic depression. I wish the medicine helped. Please help.
>>671401713
Hit me like Thor's hammer. Limit break "An Hero" charged to 88%.
>>671417608
I hide under my skin
Fell in love with a girl playing wow who I know had a boyfriend. She said she loves me back, almost two years go by. She even got me out the house to go and meet her, never done that for anyone before. All of a sudden says she doesnt love me anymore, wants to be faithful to her BF. Plays games with another guy just like we did, I think she is just more interested in this new guy now. They went to meet last week. Feels so bad man. Been taking too many painkillers all week just to sleep.
>>671420519
It'll be alright, anon.
I don't have any answers or things to say to make you feel better, but it'll be fine. Sometimes you just have to accept the bad things as bad things that you can't change and find something else you can pour your time into and gain happiness from.
It's not always easy, but it's not impossible.
OP here
If you're feeling useless, don't be. You have a passion, you have something most people don't. Internet. Fucking be happy with life for you can literally be anything you want to fucking be. Make new friends forget the haters or the people who you thought you loved but turned their backs on you. Make a new life. You control what happens to you. Either be depressed and end your life or live out life. Experience it all. Love. Hate. Happiness. Just go out there and do it. What's stopping g you anon?
>>671420519
I also need everyone to know that even if in the slightest it get better. Be grateful. What happens to me is it gets better for a while then something awful happens. I wish I was overdramatic, I wish I could think down and say to myself "it's still pretty good though" I have bought and received a lot of expensive shit in an attempt to feel better and it doesn't work. I don't know what else to say really. It'll be my time soon. I have so much shit to say and I just can't. I can't explain things. Not being good at explaining things Dosent mix well with manic depression
>>671420905
>>671421260
If there is a god he knows I try my hardest every damn day. Thanks anon.
I feel like i've fallen out of love
and secretly i want to cut contact
but i can't because i still love her
How is it even possible to feel two such contrasting things at the same time
But this feeling is growing and I don't know what to do I don't want to hurt anyone
Please help me
>>671416732
Hows the cancer going?
>>671420519
Life is precious no matter how you look at it. What if there is someone out there who is shy as you are admires you and looks up to you. When you are gone you end your time, but other people feel the pain. Leave your household call child protective services , start a new life find someone who will take care of you. I know the world is dark, but when you break past the chains and shackles, what's stopping you to have a better life
OP- hoping to make depressed /b/tards happy ;)
>>671421440
You're probably bored.
Try to spice things up a little bit.
Or ask her to spice it up.
>>671417616
One day when i feel really bad I'll share my life story....it get exponentially worse and still is....just about to hit 21
>>671419880
Only got my fucked up head man. Hope you figure shit out.
>>671421567
I'm glad I have "life" in general and it upsets me that I think about killing myself all the time. CPS wouldn't do anything because there's no proof. Everyone in my family hates me. I don't even do anything I stay in my room to stay away from it all but then my dad comes in and starts shit with me for no reason. And I'm pretty sure his girlfriend makes him but idk I have a lot of trust issues to cuz of the molestating and my parents makiing me Choose sides for years and years
I've been in a standstill state for over 6 years now. Dead end job, living with my mom, because that's the only way we both can afford to at least have some money to spare. Have 2 younger brothers, but don't really interact with them much. Have been working my ass off for ages, 24hr shifts, every second day...I'm so fucking tired, never have time for anything other than sleep, food and a couple hours by the PC. I'm steadily getting out of shape, health is getting worse, I smoke like a damn train I think my teeth are gonna start falling out soon enough, and I don't have the money to fix them. I have no motivation to socialize, to work out or to do anything meaningful with my life....but, the bright side is, I've learned to take pleasure from the little things in life. Vidya, getting hammered from time to time, and, the most important thing- I've learned to not give a shit. Whatever happens, happens, and it's all gonna work out OK. It always does, just gotta believe in it.
So, to all of you, no matter what happens, fuck it all, and believe that it'll work out.
>>671421793
OP of thread here
I've been trying to help people for a very long time ever since I was thinking about suicide, but boy let me tell you
Let it all out
Type
Write
Talk to your dog
Doesn't matter seeing or hearing your problems makes it so much easier to look back on it and say
"Wow those were shit days hugh"
And besides, people like me are bound to be here to help
-Dan
>>671417616
>almost a senior
underage BAN
>>671422674
>Grades were shit
Am i?
>>671421474
Was supposed to undergo surgery about a week ago but when they opened me up it had spread through the walls and they couldn't go any further. Sometimes the scan miss the minor metas and they grow rapidly because it's an aggressive type so yeah. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I'm scared... I'm so fucking scared...
>>671400573
Your entire existence is meaningless because all you do is shitpost on 4chan and eventually any way you influence anything will become irrelevant. It's like a 4chan post, you say something and it effects people but then it gets pruned when that thing you did no longer matters.
I was born with a small penis that often doesn't work.
>>671400573
>>671420318
>So what? I get judged fir wearing fucking sweatshirts all the time by "popular" girls but who cares? Find something you like doing i.e. gaming. Go to a local make friends upon friends. You don't have to make everyone like you there will always people like that give fucking smirks commenting on how fucking beta you are but why not just be the alpha of betas?
You know i honestly was perfectly content for a couple months about it until like that Halloween. I just function for shit when it came to meeting people. I always needed a crutch, like a mutual friend, or a shared class or some shit to even begin to have a hope of meeting people. I think i just mostly ended up extremely depressed and couldn't see the possibility of anything after a few solid months of no human contact. I feel another attempt at school is really my last shot here. if i fall into that same rut again, i don't see my self doing anything but anhero or just runaway from everything. Hopefully my parents aren't dead by then, then i could just cash in and go full fucking neet and go into a coma in my room for however many years until NF puts a tumor on my brain, or cuts off my eyesight. I already have the beginnings of dozens of the neurofibromas all over my back and chest.
>>671423041
But what if you could walk away knowing you made someone's day. Ik this is 4chan but we all are depressed some way or another and the way I think about it, is that people just need to know that you're not alone. You are not the only one in pain. And some of us can help. That's all I want in life. To help people become who they can be. Not what they see them as.
-Dan (OP)
>>671422939
I wish you the best, do they think they've caught it in time to have a better chance?
>>671422519
I feel like this will be me soon, I am there except for the job bit. Stay strong dude.
>>671422659
Aight im a really newfag but green text here it goes...
>be me, 18, fresh outta high school.
>get crazy idea, quite school and job
>dont sleep or eat for 3 days straight.
>letsgetcrazy.jgp
Cont.?
Emmstar
>>671423728
gonna need more than that to warrant a
>cont.?
this isn't twitter
but go on.
>be me
>grow up in poor family but dad works hard to keep us in comfort
>be happy he is so devoted
>mum shouts at him lots but he always smiles for me and my sister
>spends the little time he has away from work taking us on walks, playing games and occassionally seeing movies etc
>one night mum is shouting louder than ever, breaking things, being really mean.
>i close my eyes, if i ignore it she will stop like she usually does
after two hours, dad leaves and the house is quiet, i fall asleep happily.
>next day leave for school, no sign of dad but its okay, we will play conect 4 when i get home from school.
>good day at school, i get home and its quiet, no tv, no booming dad voice.
>walk up stairs, dad is swinging by his neck, scream and shout. desperately try to hold him up but 8 yr old me has no strength.
>neighbours come in, rush upstairs, and usher me away.
>sister comes home from big achool can barely tell her
>mum comes home from pub with takeaway, laughs about dad, says she is glad.
>moves us to another city.
>starts coming into my room at night, touches me, makes me touch her
>i dont want to but she hurts me till i do, asks me to go further each time.
>by the time i am 11 we have sex most nights.
>tell nobody but sister, find out mum makes hetr sleep with guys so mum gets drugs.
>she loses weight, cries all the time, and eventually leaves and never comes back.
>mum keeps having sex with me, eventually falls pregnant.
>i freak out, tell a teacher and the police are called.
should i continue?
>>671423283
But is that what you really want?
Man, I don't know what to say anymore but don't waste your precious life on something just a fraction of. If it ever comes down to that road where you live your life like a potato. Msg someone. Go on suicide hitlines. Find people like me. Hell fucking find me and I'll try to help you man.
-Dan (OP)
>I need someone
>So I hope they come to me
>I have someone
>So I go to the ends of the earth to keep them happy
>I love someone
>So I try to make them love me too
>I fuck up
>So they leave me
>I convince myself I don't need anyone
>So I sit in my own self hatred and disgust
Why does this happen every time, /b/? They always happen chronologically somehow. I've tried enjoying the time I had with them but I end up focusing more on the bad parts and how I could've made it better. I tried finding new friends/girlfriends but I'm paranoid I'll fuck up. I try to fix myself, but I don't know how. Did I make myself like this? Why do I mess up everything? Did God make me like this? Why? Does he care?
>>671423541
Thank you. They're optimistic. The last operation back in the fall caught the secondary tumor in my lungs and I've never really smoked in my life but that's just rotten luck. My chances are good but this just means more rays and more chemo. However the growth rate is concerning. I'm hoping for the best but it's harrowing to go through when you're all alone.
>>671400904
i did get to do exactly that lol
>>671423983
your dad hung himself? sorry that line was hard to interpret and yes please continue
>>671401894
fucking sad music playing from the TV as I read this.
got me
>>671424149
If you believe in god then you must know the earth is the devil's playground. However, don't give upfight back. If your heart gets broken get some gorilla glue and put it back together and try again. If you get hurt again then what?
You don't feel the pain
You move on
You live life like God knew you would
Go out there
Live life
Fuck the devil in the ass
-Dan (OP)
>>671420546
underrated
>>671423961
Sorry needed to get high for this
>next morning, 3rd day of no sleep
>keep coming up with mindblowing ideas
>I've taken exctasy but this is the happiest ive been in my entire life
>convinced its a spiritual experience and that my true genius has been unlocked
>steal car keys and head out
>idea.jgp
can i speed past intersection?
Cont.
Emmstar
>>671424088
>Go on suicide hitlines. Hell fucking find me and I'll try to help you man.
>hitlines
typo i know
but fucking hell i had a giggle
>>671424299
yes, turns out my mum had been fucking his brother just to fuck with him and had been abusing him for years. her cheating was the last straw.
>>671423983
>police investigate, take statements, take swabs, arrest mum. i feel happy
>end up in childrens home, rough as fuck
>get ass beat daily, begin to stand up for myself, fight back, generally get left alone apert from a couple of genuine hard nuts
>start new school, keep to myself, never talk of what happened. make one friend. she is nice, kinda cute and seems as fucked up as me.
>we spend time together, i talk about my dad and the stuff we used to do.
>feels nice
>give evidence against my mum, she gets 2 years. never allowed to contact me again.
>i feel like shit, i put my mum in prison.
>get drunk with new friend, i start to cry
>she asks whats wrong so i tell her
>she looks at me disgusted, calls me rapist, tells me i was the bad one, tells me she never wants to talk to me.
>next day at school everyone knows, get taunted daily, start fights, get agressive. expelled from school.
>find myself alone at sixteen, one bedroom council flat, no job, no qualifications, no friends, no love. father of a kid i can never see and never want to. never see any family.
its been 15 years and i am still the same.
think the only reason i stay alive is to try and prove to my mum she cannot break me, but i am already broken beyond fixing.
>>671425198
Well fuck lol. Trying to respond to all I can and typing so fucking fast but hey
Got you to laugh ;)
>>671425003
Thanks man. I really appreciate it. I'll try to make everything okay again. I'll try really hard.
>>671425543
>suicide hitlines
noones cornered the market on this?
>no longer go out a coward
>>671425406
I'm very sorry man. I'm really sorry.
>>671425406
No one is beyond fixing. You just have been lied to and mentally scared. I know those feeling will stay with you but
Fuck it
Prove to you mom that you can live life like you use to with your dad
Don't live it out and be like your mom
Then what would your dad think?
Cmon man. Try to push through and get up and go to a bar, movies, anywhere.
>>671425913
i think i genuinely cant feel stuff now because i just muddle through with no highs or lows, just existance.
>>671426084
i tried, i cannot socialise like others, i cannot engage with others just like other people.
all i find is kinship in others as fucked as me and they tend to make your life worse.
>>671425087
>t-born a car at full speed and at the same time get t-boned as it was a 2 lane street
>wake up in car thinking im super human
Had fractured sternum and partially collapsed lung
>mentally negate pain...how? Idk
>end up in hospital restrained twice coz i kept taking out my iv trying "to go to a party"
>much sedative given to patient
> snap back to reality
> heal but get charged for accident
>have to come up with defense
>call 911..."991, hello?"
>"i want to kill myself"
Cont.?
Emmstar
>>671407763
continue
>>671426443
You learn from that then.
There are people online who do this for a job (I do this to help)
Find a hot line talk it out. Msg someone, find someone don't say you can't or your not trying
If you say you can't
You can't?
You can not?
Can you physically not?
The get help.
If you can, then just explore the world,Internet whatever the fuck suits you and find that 1 person
There are 7billion people out there, but only 1 of you.
There are 7billion people out there, and most of them are like me ;)
Please cheer up.
(OP of this thread)
>>671427255
>>671426553
Go tell me your story
(OP)
>meet 4chan girl on omegle
>have great convo
>give her my email
>2 months later pic related
>>671427351
>>671427359
Then try again
Story time
>grow up coming from Italy to America not knowing English at all
>was 10 years old all I could do was play guitar and do good in math
>No friends in school just went everyday sad
>meet this nice girl named Kira in my class, she plays piano
>She starts sitting next to me and talking to me
>helps me learn English and we become fast friends
>her parents get a new job in a little bit further away town making her move into my neighborhood
>we play and hang out all the time
>best friends all the way in summers we played all day
>winters we hung out even more
>middle school starts and we both join band I play saxophone and guitar
>Kira plays piano
>we both sign up for jazz band and play together in class we are always there with each other
>my best friend and all I do is hang out with her
>was my only friend when I was in isolation all alone in America
>we make it to high school and play out first jazz song very good and fun song
>The First Circle by Pat Metheny
>amazing show went well everybody loved it
>me and kiras new favorite song
>we countine to hang out all year
>winter rolls around
>She gets rides from friends to and from school I sometimes ride with them or the bus because freshman
>storming bad one day after practice in the snow
>She rides home with her friend that day after practice
>car accident
>swerved off road and into ditch, Kira hit her head on dashboard
>now freshman in college wishing Kira was here with me
>visit her grave all the time and sit there for hours just wishing she was still here.
>everytime I feel down I play the song The First Circle
>always brings me to tears as I think about Kira and realize all the happy moments we share.
>miss her still but glad she was there wouldn't be here without her
>because of her I have something to live for, I want her to watch me succeed in life
>succeed for her.
>instant death from head trauma
>>671414932
damn..
>>671402044
Fuck...
I was a huge fan of Bam in hs, he was one of the biggest reasons I got into skateboarding. Most of the boards I had were his graphics. It's really jarring to see him like that, when I've been so used to seeing him with a big, shit-eating grin on his face. Now whenever I watch Jackass or an old CKY video, it hurts to see Dunn.
YO MY GIRLFRIEND THAT I TOTALLY AT LEAST HAD, I MEAN ALL NERDS HAVE ONE.
>>671416611
>>671416800
>>671417047
>>671417335
>>671417483
>>671417922
>>671418075
>>671418274
Thoughts on it? Does it feel like 7-10 minute speech?
>>671428107
Ugh so long
>>671428305
That's kinda the point.
>>671428500
ah yes a classic
>>671400904
I must have lucked out I met my wife in middle school and we never fight
>>671428597
OP of the thread been trying to help people out I'll try to read most of it and tell you what I think
>>671428659
Believe me man, i wish I were you.
Never had a girlfriend and just want someone i can go to sleep with and hold in my arms. It´s hard sometimes but please be happy for both of us, I´ve given up!
Anyone understand this feel?
>Deep depression brought on by a number of things.
>First try to deal with it using alcohol and shit.
>Just makes it worse.
>Get off alcohol, eventually find new direction in life, tell people I've moved on and believe myself.
>Depression creeps back in as new stresses wear down on that sense of hope.
>Depressed again but try not to show it.
>>671405468
I'm about at the point where I need to do this.
ATTENTION EVERYONE: PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS VIDEO STARTING AT 3:11. It is remarkably beautiful and I'd love to share it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDlnbZ2_aSU
3:11
>>671409860
thanks for the background friend.
>Be 14 years old
>Living with me mom and brothers
>Mom comes back one night during midnight and goes to sleep in her room
>Wake up next morning, house stinky af
>Wants to use moms credit card to buy some shit at the store
>Realize i haven't heard from her all day
>I get a random thought that she might be dead
>Go to her room
>She her in bed with covers on
>Leaves room fast af, my mom didn't like getting interrupted during sleep
>Brother comes home, i tell him shes been sleep all day
>Next day
>Stink intensifies, no one knows what it is
>Sleep throughout most of the day besides playing mgs1 and eating
>Bro comes home later that day
>Asks me if i heard from.Mom
>I say no
>We rush into her room, with her still in bed with blankets on
>My brother pulls off the covers
>She doesn't have any clothes on, blood running down her legs, big ass white bubbles on her legs
>We run upstairs and call the cops
>I sit on the porch and stay there crying for almost an hour while my brother is quiet.
>We go to stay at my brother's dad place for the night
I remember that day like it was yesterday. First time i ever saw a dead body.
>>671400573
>Make me feel depressed /b/
you are on 4chan
>>671429740
did you get a random thought that she might have been fucked?
>>671409153
I don't have words
>>671429740
did she die from abrupt aids
>>671428642
dammit that was me in highschool, my sweet aryan teacher understood that and used to be the was most nicest to me and often even flirted-touched me sometimes, I feel like we could've had something if
I wasn't an insecure beta and would've lost my virginity to a Swedish milf.
I really really need someone to slap me with a brick rn
>>671430904
>he thinks that he had a chance
>>671429296
>Everyday feeling bro
>>671430622
It was a thought. I never remembered her coming home that late but that's what my brother told me. The coroner told me she died of a cardiovascular disease tho
>>671408671
kek
>>671428773
Damn
>>671402374
This makes me feel good, while making me WANT to kill myself.
>>671431240
damn that's some metal tier shit
did it make you see everything in a different way?
>>671416004
>people don't like sex
>Im always the one to lend an ear or shoulder to cry on
>Thats my most likable trait
>I'm quiet, reserved, awkward, boring so i find it hard to make new friends or even keep the ones I have now.
>The only reason I have friends is because I'm an empathetic person and Im always there for people
>Never share my own problems
>Always keep my deeper emotions hidden
>Feel depressed because i feel im not a likable person and I'm overall pretty dumb
>Turn to alcohol and drugs
>Over the past year my memory and overall cognitive ability have been getting progressively worse
>To the point where I feel I may have dementia (which runs in my family, although not sure if its genetic) or some other brain disease.
>No one knows how i feel
>Get even more depressed
>Visit feels threads to compare other peoples lives to my own to try and make myself feel better
>>671431769
damn anon, that's tough
I don't even know how to cheer you up or provide some advice
>>671431076
Oh please neckbeard if you saw the way she'd massage my back or she'd let me hold her thigh/ cheeks telling me how much she cares, she would actually sneak answers to me in Historty-Geogrophy tests.
I always popped boners in class and ofcourse I furiously fapped to her, I'm thinking she knows about that and therefore she'd tease.
>>671431599
No really, it just made me work harder
Tho the following weeks i was suicidal but after the funeral i soaked it up
Now that I'm older I realize I've been a depressed person from a very young age. I'm depressed now, and I was before. I have done a lot of drugs, and all of that made it worse. I learned my lesson there.
Girls aren't much of an option. So far, they've all caused me brief happiness in trade for lasting pain.
Pic related
