/b/ i need help
maybe a lot of you don't know anything about this stuff, but whatever.
i've got a gf for the first time in my life at 20, and was a virgin before. i always expected a gf to make me happy but it's hell.
ive got no reason to not trust my gf tho, shes never done anything wrong - i even check her phone and shit, shes always with me anyway but still im waiting for her to cheat
the more i read online and see of the world around me, the more im learning that people are not trustworthy.
almost everyone's a cheating cunt piece of shit. even those who you'd think are trustworthy.
> so i guess the question is can you really trust anyone?
preferably please leave out the women hating shit - all women are whores etc etc. because i know from personal experience that both men and women are cunts and cheat - including my own father who recently cheated and my step dad. of course i know plenty of people at uni, both men and women, that get fucked up and cheat on a night out.
i cant go on in a relationship like this, its constant paranoia and fear of being deceived. im doubting if relationships in general - ive always known i will never get married or have kids so maybe i should live the single life.
> can i get some words of wisdom from more experiences anons?
> is it all worth it?
cheat first
>>767814804
Grow up you insecure little shite with your first world problems. Either trust the bitch or leave. It's not complicated.
4chan and bad friends have deluded you. Yes, cheating exists - no it's not as common and inevitable as some would believe. Confirmation bias and insecurity are going to have you believe cheating is rampant within relationships, but it's just a small amount of people that do it more than once.
I've never had this 'generalized' fear of cheating that you have - although I have had moments where I had more specific fear of my gf cheating on me with certain people. When it's specific like mine, it's easier to get over. You can do shit to help, like meet the person, find out how they interact with my partner, vice versa, and just voice your discomfort. When it's generalized like your case, it's a lot tougher to get over. I'd suggest just doing your best to convince your brain it's irrational, and if you're ever uncomfortable at something specific, communicate with your partner and move forward.
Also sometimes it might be due to projection. So you're more likely to be afraid of her cheating if you, yourself, are considering cheating. In that case, I'd suggest evaluating why you are considering cheating at all, and then fix it by either breaking up or removing whatever is making you want to cheat.
>>767814804
You're basing your view on women on the losers that post here.
Girls aren't like the women hating retards of /b/ say they are, you're not getting an unbiased view of them.
>>767814804
Dude, you're fucking 20 and you don't know shit right now. Sorry, I hated it when people spoke to me like that when I was younger but its true.
This relationship might mean a lot to you now because its your first but trust me, it isn't that big a deal. People meet, fall in love, fall out and move on every single day. Don't try to think and feel things on her behalf and then get mad when it doesn't work. Whatever may happen with this relationship, the sooner you learn to stop being so fucking paranoid and have a bit of strength in yourself the better. You have to sort things out with yourself by the sounds of it, not her.
But if you ant to know the very boring but true secret of a good relationship: Communication.
Talk about how you feel, listen to what she says. If one or both of you can't handle that and trust each other then it means that one or both of you isn't mature enough for it.
Seriously, address your paranoia and trust issues or you'll waste significant parts of the prime of your life fucking up when you could be enjoying yourself.
>>767815192
thanks mate, i guess conformation bias is true. i've ended up spending loads of time on /r/relationships and shit, seeing all the horror stories.
it doesnt help that my own father cheated and never even owned up to it himself.
i would never cheat on anyone - id be the biggest hypocrite on earth if i did. to be honest i dont understand how it seems that even "good" people could do something like that to someone.
if i wanted to cheat - id end the relationship then go fuck.
but yea, i hope you're right
>>767814804
1.Dont let her know about your throughts, never, it will ruin your relationship even if she dont cheat.
2. You can control everything, but you can try.
3. Know their friends, her male friend want to fuck her, and her female friend want she to fuck other males.
4. Learn to live with it.
5. Learn to live without her.
>>767815230
that may be somewhat true, then again like i say i've had real life examples. my own father, other family members and housemates/friends at uni.
both guys and girls though ofc.
>>767815248
>you're fucking 20 and you don't know shit right now
i dont doubt that. i do communicate. i told her just the other day when she goes out to a club i get paranoid. i told her i cant stop her cheating - no one can - all i ask is that if she ever does, that she tells me. obviously she said she wouldn't cheat anyway
i forgot to mention my biggest fear is being cheated on and not knowing. its being deceived.
if she cheats and tells me i can cope.
the horror is it could happen for years without you knowing.
>>767814935
^This
>>767814804
Trust everyone, if they do what they feel like, its not a reflection of you, it makes no difference that they do what they want.
Acting like you are is pushing people away from you, it becomes a self for fulfilling prophecy if you dont trust someone, check their phone and act possessive.
>>767815451
This. Relationships and love go hand in hand with insecurities. Welcome to misery.
>>767815451
English, do you fucking know it?
>>767814804
spoken like someone who knows that his gf has a higher market value than himself. you know you don't deserve her, you are weak.
>>767815787
Sorry, not my native language.
>>767814804
You are fucking decisional for support other than pseudo intellectual shit you wrote I will say a person has to be pretty below average to be virgin for 20yrs
first relationships are tough as fuck because everything you hear about being in one - good and bad - clouds your judgment and makes it impossible to see what really matters: the connection between you and the other person. focus on what you guys share and fuck all else.
>>767815527
Well she's probably more likely to want to look elsewhere if her boyfriend is constantly obsessed with the idea of her cheating on him and makes her feel bad for going out and having a life of her own.
Good luck dude, hopefully one day this will all make sense and you can gain some confidence.
>>767815938
being a virgin at 20 isn't that bad. lost mine at 23 and shit worked out great for me. (your best years for sex are the late 20's for both financial and social situations)
What does Rachel Goswell have to do with this
>>767816089
I am saying odds shifts towards to something is wrong with me idea when you are virgin for 2o yrs
>>767815938
how the fuck was this pseudo intellectual. ive just seen a lot of people around me cheat and read shit online.
made me realise that cheating is more common than i thought. that's it.
it was 19 years actually cunt, not that i care anymore. i was just a late developer and a pussy up until then
>>767815996
im aware of this
>>767815850
how? id feel like this no matter who it was. this has nothing to do with her, or me thinking she's out of my league
also cringe for using "sexual market value", classic redpill cunt
>>767816175
she cute
>>767814804
The whole thing with any relationship worth having is being open to the reality that the other person can destroy you emotionally at any moment
>>767814804
Did you forget your Adderall?
>>767814804
>i always expected a gf to make me happy
baahaha
you live you learn
there's only one person that can make you happy
>>767815339
dude, people use r/relationships because theirs is breaking down. you're never gonna hear good stuff on there. also, everyone's solution there is 'break up with them'. it's an echo chamber of bad solutions and experiences, like 4chan
>>767814804
be nice to her that's all you need to know
It's a gamble
>>767814804
How boring, another cuck fantasy post.
>>767817421
hah, i need the opposite of a stimulant. valium would do me better
>>767817676
no u
>>767814804
>> is it all worth it?
No.
It will break you. But it's life, that's how you become a man.
>Abandon hope all ye who enter here
>>767817605
terrible advice. girls like to be treated bad. that's why they always come back when you do. a FWB of mine literally told me she dumped her boyfriend because he was too nice and good to her. she still keeps him around as an emotional tampon of course.
>>767818177
only insecure or fucked up girls would want to be treated bad and put up with it
mature women wouldnt put up with it
its partly true tho. its not about treating them bad, more not behaving like a bitch that lets her step all over you
Just fuck her ... I did !!!
>>767817408
this
being truly in love is trusting the other person not to destroy you, but giving them all the ammunition needed to do so.
OP you have a lot of maturing to do, I would even suggest therapy for your extreme paranoia; it is decreasing the quality of your life and interfering in your relationships. stop projecting your insecurities onto your poor gf.
I was devastated when cheated on in my first couple relationships. I loathed my dad for not keeping his dick in his pants.
And then, I stepped on my marriage. I wasn't even sure why at the time, I thought I was being neglected I guess, but a one time fling that wasn't even terribly good (I can't even remember what she looked like, beyond being chubby and white) taught me a lesson.
I cheated completely independent of anyone else. There wasn't anything wrong with my wife, any unhappiness or self destructive impulses were completely my own. I was just being selfish, impulsive. And I felt guilty, mostly because I benefited by realizing that all the baggage I carried from the past wasn't a failure or deficiency on my part. I had just been with immature, self destructive partners that made their own decisions because of internal factors. Trusting someone who disappoints you is sad, but its a reflection on them, not on you. Forgive 'em for being flawed humans, or be grateful you dodged that train wreck if you don't care to.
I never cheated again, and after my wife passed a couple years later and I started dating as a young widower, that jealous paranoia was gone and I had the backbone to stand up for myself in situations I wasn't treated fairly or respectfully.
>>767818352
this, decent women want to be treated like human beings, not cumdumps. the women who want to be treated like shit usually have a shitload of other mental health problems and daddy issues.
>>767818648
it is affecfing me badly, and yei just started counselling
and i feel for her, she doesnt deserve it either
aporeciate your understanding