Schizophrenic OP here again. Give me more of your most fucked up art, preferably depicting Hell, or even Schizophrenia itself. Having another episode, and you guys helped the last two times, so here we go.
AMA
Gonna start with the basics because I am dumb and I wanna know what it's like compared to a "normal" reality
Is it hearing voices and shit or is it more complicated? I've done lsd a lot and I imagine schizophrenia to be like a permanent bad trip
Also what would happen if you took lsd during this episode
>>707519316
It's a lot different than what TV and movies make it out to be. I don't hear voices as if they're coming from outside, it's more like a parallel thought process. There are a few of them, they're like broken bits of personalities, but one in particular is collected enough to have an identity anyway.
Schizophrenia isn't really about the hallucinations, it's the inability to perceive reality in a normal or healthy way. I don't feel like I'm here, to be honest it's the opposite of tripping (which I have yet to do, hopefully soon) where I don't feel like I actually exist. It's a sort of blank feeling, with bouts of paranoia and delusions. One time I asked my ex (gf at the time) if she was trying to poison me, because she baked me cookies out of the blue. Any more questions?
Not sure if this counts
>>707518854
>>707519909
Do you work or does schizo make it difficult?
Did you always have it or does it start due to certain triggers? When did you know your mind had a problem?
>>707520239
Totally. Thank you.
>>707520272
Thanks, keep em' coming and I'll be very appreciative guys.
>>707518854
>>707520377
I used to work at Walgreens, I'm looking for a new job now but it's hard. The problem with not actually feeling like you exist, is that it's incredibly difficult to be motivated. I don't feel like anything matters, big or small, and it does affect my life. It's hereditary, at least in my case. The thing is, ever since I was little I've saw Demons and shit like that, which being in a religious family didn't throw up any red flags for mental illness. The thing is, I was about sixteen when I started to notice that I wasn't like everyone else. Before then I just thought this is how everyone feels, but as I started to pay more and more attention to people, and my "condition" developed, I realized something wasn't kosher. I talked to my mom about it, and she got really pale and basically told me she's had it all her life, and hid it from the family.
I'm not entirely sure, but I think my childhood may have been a factor. I had an abusive stepfather, always shouting and beating the fuck out of me and my little brother, plus we were homeschooled so we had 0 contact with the outside world. Being that Schizophrenia makes you prone to delusions, I basically invented a fantasy world, not in the sense that it was a different place, but I had convinced myself the world was a certain way for two reasons. Firstly I think I was trying to escape the bullshit that was my stepfather, and secondly I didn't have anything to base my perception on. I only knew what I could read in books, or what my parents told me, which was almost always untrue. I had constructed a fantasy way of thinking and now that I'm in the real world, it's traumatizing in a way. I wouldn't say I have "triggers" because the illness is effecting me at all times, but my bouts of paranoia, depression or anger can be triggered by shit that brings me back to my childhood. I also have an enormous problem with jealousy. I get paranoid and violently hateful of my girlfriend's guy friends.
>>707520422
>>707520950
>>707521071
Interesting... Thank you.
>>707518854
I'm curious as to why images like these help you
>>707518854
Are you self diagnosed?
I'm self diagnosed, I never bothered asking if there was a way to identify/confirm it.
For me, it just feels like I have little control over my thoughts. When it's described as "you hear voices in your head" I imagine it's referring to the voice that you use to think that starts to not go with your intended script.
The voice in my head will insult me, say insanely stupid things like joking about my 15 year old cousin who got shot dead, same with my grandma, and it'll try and convince me of things like my family trying to poison my food, or even giving myself the Truman Show delusion (but that was because I thought it sounded cool, it took a while to fix it back out)
>>707521530
I'm not sure to be honest. It sounds really weird, and cringey almost, but when I look at certain pieces of art (not all of them do it for me, and I can't explain what it is about the few that do it) I see normality in a way? Strangely enough when I look at old ass depictions of Hell, I almost (almost) feel at home in a way. I'm not sure why, I'm just drawn to Demonic shit. Evil music and evil art makes me relax for some reason.
>>707521598
I'm self-diagnosed, which normally I hate faggots that do that, but I've done the research and I'm sure I have it. I want to go to a professional, but I have a lot of thoughts and obsessions that would deem me a danger to myself or others, so I dont go.
Exactly, it's like an involuntary thought, the "Demons" (as people used to call them) don't speak to me, they think to me. I know exactly what you mean, it's always degrading me, because it's in my head and it knows everything about me, every insecurity and flaw that even my girlfriend doesn't know about - it uses. I had the same shit, convinced that I was in a Matrix-type thing, or that everyone around me was in on some conspiracy that was centered around me.
>>707522402
you might be lucky and just have psychosis..
i take seroquel and ativan and it changed me so much,in the good way.
also on an antidepressant effexor im feeling that mellow fall vibe.
>>707522767
Maybe, but again I've spent hours reading about that shit (not saying that makes me an expert) and the way Schizophrenia behaves is an exact match to what I have. It's not just the raw symptoms, it's the way it makes me think, it's the way the illness behaves.
OP here, gonna step outside for a smoke break. Feel free to post, I'll be back in like five minutes or so. Thanks for the art and the conversation so far, guys.
>>707522402
>>707521598 (me)
yess! you believed that you were in a matrix type thing, so maybe my situation isn't exactly unique but my reality changing thoughts are based off:
the universe expands and eventually implodes causing another big bang
because of how balanced the empty space that isn't the universe, it repeats everything the EXACT way as before, causing everything to be repeated once again.
The only things that don't remain the same are the bodies that our spirits live in, naturally we'll forget every possible thing over all the billions of years.
However, this particular spirit still has some flashbacks of it's previous lives. Since the universe has been around for who knows how long, I'd imagine that I have an infinite opportunities to live the lives of every human being, and it feels like I've encountered people that I've lived before, I've heard sentences in particular scenarios that have been given to me before but to someone else, it comes up with obscure actors, classmates, even my family.
It's weird because of how convincing I've made it for myself, yet at the same time I feel I might be losing my mind.
It's kinda scary, how am I suppose to know what will happen in the next tens of years?
Last post from me. Keep well, op
>>707518854
How affective is medication?
>>707522402
I've been professionally diagnosed with schizophrenia and have been open about my thoughts which could be a danger to myself or others, but made it explicitly clear that I would never follow through on them. They can't (by law) force you to take drugs, so I don't take them. and the doctors even helped me get on SSI so I don't have to work. Something to consider.
OP here, I'm back.
>>707523515
Exactly, I know what you mean. I may not share that exact theory, but your process rings a lot of bells. I do the same shit, I think until I have nothing else to think about, and in the process I come up with crazy theories that I convince myself are true. I don't handle deja vu very well at all either, it paralyzes me and basically debilitates me for a few seconds, because my Schizophrenia interacts with it in a strange way. I obsess over things easily, I have all of these insane delusions but I can't help but to believe them, and while I feel like I know something - or at least have the capacity to know something no one else does, I also feel like I'm just losing it entirely. I have this strange draw to crazy people, too. People who are delusional and insane to the point where they can't function because they're so obsessed with their delusions. I just feel like they know something, and I want to know what they know. I have this strange feeling in my head, it's a very raw and undefined feeling, like I desire above all else to have an answer for a question I haven't even figured out yet. It drives me fucking insane.
>>707523542
I appreciate it, anon. Thank you, and you as well.
>>707523819
That's a nice one.
>>707524111
Chek'd. Also don't know, I refuse to take meds for it, I'm not sure why I just can't let go. As much as it pains me, and as much shit as the "voices" make me go through, I can't help but to feel attached to them. If I just woke up one day and I didn't have it anymore, I'd probably kill myself.
>>707524417
I suppose that is something to consider. I appreciate that, anon.
So can you have conversations with the voices?
Have you ever tried bending them to your will?
Can you ask the voices questions about yourself that you don't remember?
For example; ask them what you wore two years ago or something.
Cool art op and fags. As far as the "self-diagnosed" junk. Yeah, I understand how one can have the insight into whatever mental illness and do so. But, no, unless you have the "stamp of approval" from a psychiatrist, then forget it. I understand the concern of not wanting to go to one. I've got my own shit, that I won't go into, and have been to many p-docs.
I don't like them. "I have all of the symptoms of schizophrenia and am dealing with the misery of it." "Oh, have you seen a doctor, been evaluated, diagnosed, treated?" "Um..."
>>707518854
Are you looking to smile or scream OP?
>>707524820
This songwriter is also renowned for very disturbing art, like in the video. Would you care for more?
---
I'm alone, just a lonely death
Does the easily-betrayed scene of the life I almost sacrificed still live in me?
These meaningless, hesitant wounds with my ten-years-empty heart, haha
And the chit-chat bullshit both,
It's just barking from a chained-up dog
"Fall"
It's as if I'm another inhabitant who wore the same face
I am a monster, loneliness the only thing I ever loved
"We will not give it up"
The only freedom that exists in form
"Suicide"
Everyone believing in an answer doesn't make it right
This is a world of noise
So what do you want from it?
Why not have a listen to your realized future?
"We will not give it up"
These meaningless, hesitant wounds with my ten-years-empty heart, haha
And the chit-chat bullshit both,
It's just barking from a chained-up dog
"Fall"
It's as if I'm another inhabitant who wore the same face
Were the core of my heart able to love,
It might be a small comfort
And I could laugh, as if I didn't see just what kind of world this was
>>707522402
Listen to the doom soundtrack
>>707524820
>>707526683
And of course, I forget the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQWo0YPfeCs
>>707525679
I do have conversations with them sometimes, but they're not constantly responding is the thing. I've tried to bend them but it doesn't work, they don't have the capacity for reason. They're broken bits of personalities, the bad bits I guess. Their entire existence is just bad shit, and all they care about is making bad shit happen to me. They don't have any intrinsic knowledge, keep in mind we're all sharing a brain here, so anything I don't remember or know - they can't.
>>707525942
I don't care about having the stamp, I don't give a shit what anyone believes, I'm concerned with myself. Also, as much as it sucks having this, I said before it's not something I want to treat or get rid of. Self-medication works just fine (for now anyway) and the point of this thread is discussion and sharing of art, nowhere have I said anything that would lead a rational person to believe I'm trying to throw a pity party.
>>707526059
I doubt I could do either at this point but more terrifying shit is what I'm in the mood for. If you don't mind that is. That pic is pretty funny though.
>>707526059
that bosch? nice
>>707518854
the chimp believes only in its feelings. cursed by god. Cursed by God.
>>707518854
You must have missed MY schizophrenic hell thread the other night. I hope yours gets good Anons like mine did. God bless em.
I'm not posting all that shit again, though.
Good luck.
goodwill kicked me out even after i told the lady that me shitting on the floor would keep the devil from rising. she was a fucking shit cunt.
>>707526683
Really fuckin' good lyrics. I'd love to see more.
>>707527199
Not a fan of the musical aspect of it. I love metal, just not that kind of metal. For instance my favorite band is Rammstein rather than Slayer, though I do listen to a bit of Slayer. I just don't like overly thrashy metal I guess.
>>707526932
Fucking love the DOOM soundtrack. I don't know why but it hits me weird, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX3IA3Nop3o
That song strangely enough sounds like what I hear all the time. Like I don't hear the song constantly (obviously) but the theme, the way it sounds - it's as if it could have came from my head. It's also what I imagine Hell to sound like. I have an obsession with that, too. I always imagine hell as musical, like the screams of the lost souls sound like violins playing diminished and weird sounding notes.
>>707519909
you shouldn't trip if you are schizo
>>707527472
Love that picture.
>>707527974
Shit, I was on last night but I never saw it. God damn it, I would have loved to be a part of that. So far the turnout is great, and I don't blame you for not posting it again hahah. Thanks, you too.
>>707527999
Chek'd. Top kek
>>707528148
I know it's a bad idea, and while I'd prefer to remain intact afterward, the possibility of me going completely insane forever is actually just fine with me.
>>707528003
Away we go, then!
Why are there 2 single dolls?
>>707528396
>>707528685
>>707528365
wtf, how are you just fine with the worst case scenario of your illness? being locked up forever or ending up dying in some accidental way? committing a crime and being imprisoned or institutionalized?
seems to me you should see a doctor, get on meds, and definitely stay away from drugs and alcohol, especially LSD
>>707528539
No fucking idea. Those guys are cucks though.
Also gonna dump a pic I got from my last two threads with every response.
>>707528539
there virgins went to fuck each other in the bathroom
There is no subjective view of the universe.
All reality perceived is real.
We are born into hell and if we are lucky we will die here.
>>707528539
clearly two the guys there are players who scored 2 bitches at once
man I wish I were them, they so luckky
I really wish to contribute but I got nothing. I'm also very drawn to crazy people, on a primal sort of instinct, just can't help it.
I hope you get better Anon, at least have this pic I took, it always makes me feel comfy
>>707528752
If I ever broke, I'd kill as many people as I could, and probably just off myself. In any case I'd die before I went to an asylum or prison. I honestly can't tell you why I think it's fine. I'm just very okay with that scenario. Going out with a bang I guess. Frankly the only reason I haven't shot up a Walmart or something yet is because I have too many investments. I want to keep fucking and doing drugs a bit longer before I go I suppose.
>>707518854
If you like old depictions of hell try some of hieronymus bosch works.
Also my friend says the Manga Berserk has some fucked up shit also with demons.
>>707529104
jesus christ man
you need to get some help
If you are okay with killing innocent people just because you are a lazy fuck and scared of the doctor, you are also just a shit human being.
Being okay with killing innocents. Perhaps children, because you wanna keep fucking and take drugs.
I hope this kills you, soon.
>>707528912
This isn't Hell. I don't know why, or how, but I can tell you that with absolute certainty. In a way I'd know Hell when I saw it, or felt it. I've felt it before, and it's indescribable.
>>707529081
No problem anon, I'd be happy to have you here for conversation. Also thank you, I do love that picture. As far as instinct I know what you mean. There is this autistic kid at the church I used to go to. I mean full-blown non-speaking autism. The thing is, I couldn't stop staring at him when I saw him, and he'd just look at me. He knew I knew what he was thinking, I understood him in a way, and I always felt uneasy around him, because I could always sort of communicate with him.
>>707529104
Also forgot image to this post sorry guys I'm stoned.
>>707529425
>>707529457
this. Theirs doing your own thing then theirs destroying others.
>>707529457
>>707529425
You guys must be new.here
Welcome to /b/ Newfriend
>>707529646
>>707519909
How well do you handle your acid?
Warning: contains images of Humanity
Also; don't watch if prone to epileptic seizures around the four-minute mark.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Nw62kjrWaI
>>707529302
Top kek that freaked me the fuck out for a minute.
>>707529388
Thanks, I'll be sure to check it out!
>>707529425
Idk, maybe. I'm alright now, so I don't really think about it too much.
>>707529457
To be honest the only thing that actually makes me feel like I exist is killing things. Anyone want to know how I found this out? I'm shit at greentexting but I could throw something together if people are interested.
Also please be less butthurt and triggered. I hope it kills me, too. So I don't have to deal with faggots like you at every turn in my fucking life kek.
>>707529686
this. And then there's the they'res.
>>707529686
I have yet to hurt another human being for the sake of my illness, though I've wanted to for years now. Stop being touchy little triggered fucks and realize some people want to hurt other people, and that's how the world is.
>>707529708
This.
>>707529832
Never had it before. Or shrooms. Want to really badly though, it's just hard to get.
>>707530041
Top fucking kek.
>>707530211
Forgot image again sorry.
>>707529587
Why did you feel uneasy? I don't know when that happened, but I'm sure you still cross his mind.
For me, it just feels.. Like I need to protect people like you. It's an urge, I feel it in my soul. Wish I could give you a hug.
Can you go more in-depth about your episodes? I completely understand what you mean, even though it never happened to me, but I can 100% relate to it
>>707529646
Some of his works are available only through photographs. He tends to destroy things he makes. He hates idolatry and fanaticism. Which is ironic, as he is famous in several locations now. Very strange and interesting person.
>>707530017
greentext anon
>>707530686
>>707530915
>>707530327
It was like a short-circuit almost. Like the fact that both of us had that same frequency of thought just made both of us uncomfortable. It was weird, I felt like I was more autistic around him, like he made me move toward him on that scale, whilst I made him the opposite. I don't know too much about it honestly, because I avoided him and he avoided me. Also I appreciate that from you, I don't know why you feel that need, but it makes me happy knowing you care that much about people, even though I don't share that empathy.
My episodes can vary, sometimes I'll get so incredibly angry that killing something is pretty much the only thing I can think about. It's all-encompassing, I don't just think and feel the emotions, it pulses through my whole body. The voices get "louder" and more active, trying to convince me to do violent shit. The episodes can be raw, like a raw feeling of anger, but most of the time when I have an episode of any kind, it usually latches itself onto the first thing I think about. It BECOMES about something, and then I can't stop thinking about that thing. Sometimes I'll get so depressed I can't move. I'll just lay in bed and basically stew in my own head. Sometimes I'll just cry for no reason. Sometimes I have bouts of paranoia, where I think literally everyone is out to get me in some way. For instance a lot of times I get extremely worried all of the sudden that everyone talks shit about me behind my back, even my family. I worry that I'm like a target, that everyone knows how I am, that they all think I'm stupid or something, and everyone is lying to me just to fuck with me.
>>707530365
That's interesting. I like what I've seen so far.
>>707530663
Sure thing, coming up in next post.
>>707531195
So, if you're aware that it's all in your head, how do you get about explaining it to yourself why you feel that way?
Also, look up the warrior gene, it's a long shot, but it might explain your raw feeling of anger and violence.
How do you self-medicate?
>>707521265
Op i hope you're still here I need your assistance.
I've felt like I live in a world that isn't really, I struggle some days to convince myself it's not just a dream. I struggle with the idea of everything in the world not meaning anything, it means nothing and nothing is important. I had a shItty child hood and in a way I created my own childhood the one that was nicer to me where I wasn't beat as often, one that I convinced myself was true but now that I'm older I realize I was living a lie I formulated and allowed myself to forget A LOT of my childhood so the only memories I have or most of them are the ones I changed to make easier to live with. I also struggle with paranoia, I feel like people always stare at me and talk bad about me and I can almost here them laughing. It's gotten better but I used grow infuriated with paranoia so Ive kept to myself. I feel as if nothing is truly real and I struggle with grasping reality and fall into depression. I also have mood swings or my gf calls episodes where I'm not myself, I struggle with a different not just one sometimes different thought processes in my head and one that I don't like seems to take over and I can see myself fueling up as I say things I don't mean too but I can't help it I can only see my over thoughts coming to the forefront of my mind for an episode. These othere collective thoughts that are almost a personality altogether are always in the back of mind sometimes fainter than others. I've never gone to a doctor as my family didn't believe in mental illness for religious reasons. Does this sound familiar? Could I finally seek help accurately...
>>707530663
>be me, about 16
>stepdad is building a new house
>working on it causes the place to get a bit trashed
>asks if I could spend a day cleaning it up a bit while he's at work
>alonetime.exe
>clean the house quite a bit, listen to music, etc
>pretty normal day, I'm there the whole alone
>sitting down, taking a break
>baby sister's cat walks up to me
>all of the sudden I feel really weird, zoning out a bit
>stare at the cat, it looks like it's taunting me
>suddenly and inexplicably furious at the cat
>voices telling me to kill the little shit
>pick up cat, pet it and take it out back
>stepdad works on machines, lots of scarp metal around
>pick up heavy metal rod
>stare at the cat for like five minutes
>wondering what the hell Im doing
>black out for a nanosecond
>the cat is now dead, and I don't have memory killing it
>suddenly feel adrenaline x1000
>feel like I exist, never have before
>colors are bright, I can actually see, rather than blankly observe
>walk around touching things as if I have never been awake before
>lasts about an hour
>wears off and I feel empty again
>bury cat, no one knows I killed it
So yeah. Since then I've been killing stray animals, but for some reason cats are more satisfying. I guess I see them as more intelligent/closer to being sentient? I feel like I actually exist for about an hour every time I kill something, but it has to be big. I've killed birds and it does nothing, dogs do some and so far cats have achieved the greatest effect. I set my neighbor's cat on fire and also crucified his dog on a piece of plywood while it was still alive. Obviously I hid these things.
You mentioned that you don't hear voices from the outside, but from parallel thought process. Something along that line happens to me, but it doesn't really happen frequently; to the point where it's constantly occurring. It only starts when I'm truly alone with my thoughts, though it's mostly one voice. Usually the voice, which can be different, antagonizes me, and like you mentioned earlier knows me in and out. I can interact with it as well, and when the voice communicates with me it tends to cut me off from speaking back.
I can go into detail, but post is long already. So am I fucked OP?
>>707531964
Not sure, really. I haven't put a lot of thought into that encounter to be honest. Also I will look that up, sounds interesting.
Mostly weed, but when I can get a hold of it I'll do Heroin which is a lot better.
>>707532199
Hang on, I'm gonna reply to you next post.
>>707519909
spot on, legit
>>707532347
wow man, thats pretty fucked up.
So whats keeping you from taking the next step and killing a person?
Have you cansidered joing the military?
How close are you to an hero?
Thanks for the greentext btw
>>707532347
Damn dude you're twisted, I hope you don't escalate to doing that shit to people
>>707531339
I'm glad you've enjoyed them.
>>707529104
Had respect and was interested in your perspective. Now I am hoping this becomes your an hero thread.
>>707532199
With few deviations, that's almost exactly my situation. I know how you feel, I really do. I know what it's like and I've had that happen to me before. I don't know how to help you, because I don't even know how to help myself. If you think seeing a professional would be productive, go for it. I know what it's like to not feel like anything matters, or that existence is redundant or that everything I see isn't real. I'm sorry anon. I wish I could help you, because I know how you're hurting. The only advice I can give you is to stay away from drugs. Weed is fine but anything beyond that is going to slowly destroy your life. It's in the process of destroying mine, but I'm too fucking jaded to care. Just try to find someone that accepts that part of you, build a life for yourself. I don't know, I really don't, and I'm sorry. Just don't kill yourself... You don't want to go to Hell anon. I've been there, I swear I have and it's not a good place to be.
>>707518854
nope just look for treatment
If you enjoy playing video games, you should play tormentum. The entire artstyle of the game is like most of these pictures. Its a point and click game where the protagonist is captured and sent to a prison and basically descends through hell.
>>707518854
Why the interest in art depicting hell?
>>707519909
My 13 year old nephew just got diagnosed with schizophrenia, any tips?
>>707533136
Basically the only thing keeping me from killing someone, is getting caught and getting thrown in jail. I've considered the military, but in all honesty I want to be some sort of interrogator. Someone who legally (or at least not having to worry about getting caught) tortures people. I just have no idea how to go about doing that. I've never really been close to an hero. I want to die, but I don't want to waste it. If I'm going to kill myself, it's going to be a mass shooting.
>>707533204
Yeah, well hopefully not. I'm doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen.
>>707533255
I have, thank you.
>>707533364
I'm just being honest. It's not surprising to me that I'm getting this reaction from a few people. I just don't understand what you're expecting. I haven't done anything yet. There's no reason to be upset.
>>707518854
I'm glad to see a bro found a safe outlet for schizophrenia.
And an admirer of surreal art, no less!
Here you go, bro:
>>707531195
>>707519909
>>707529104
>>707532347
Bloody hell these sound like descriptions of me. I've seen therapists and counselors for 10 years now and I've never been able to tell them how I truly feel because to me all their interests lie in making money out of me. I was given a diagnosis of heavy depression and avoidant behaviors and possibly borderline but only from what I've been willing to disclose.
How is it in your day to day life having a schizo diagnosis? Does it make finding a job harder? How are you in terms of sociability?
>>707533613
Read the thread before you shitpost, that's been discussed. I'm sorry if reading intimidates you kiddo.
>>707534002
Not really sure. Like I said, it's familiar in a way, strangely enough. I look at it and I feel at home, like everything else is foreign and makes me uncomfortable in a way. Trees, lakes, shit like that - I don't find them peaceful at all. But throw in a boiling pool of blood and skeletons impaling people and for some reason I feel calmer. No fucking idea, I just know it works.
>>707534032
Be understanding. Give him an environment where he can explore his own mind, and be honest with you about what he finds. Don't let him be afraid to tell you about even the most fucked up shit. Isolation is what fucked me up, both self-inflicted and otherwise. He'll most likely try to isolate himself, and you need to stop it. Don't force him into programs or any of that bullshit, just talk to him.
>>707519909
How do fucked up images help?
>>707534572
>But throw in a boiling pool of blood and skeletons impaling people and for some reason I feel calmer. No fucking idea, I just know it works.
I know the answer to that.
It's because you're metal as fuck bro. \m/
>>707533204
Not OP here, but I don't think it matters all that much. We're all pretty much meat-robots who are under the illusion that we make independent choices using "free will". It's just that some meat-puppets happen to have greater capacity for processing information than others.
>>707533513
While I've thoroughly enjoyed sharing with you, I can sort of explain your condition. It doesn't magically cure absolutely everything about it, but it might give you the stimulus you need to get to a better place.
We're all organic robots, essentially. Humans like to think of themselves as special, but honestly, we're not THAT much more complicated than an ant. We just have a shit-ton more neurons, and thus, a shit-ton more "If-Then-Else" combinations to alter our behavior. Behavioral geneticists study the effects of genetics on behavior. What they've found is that genes have at least a tiny effect on everything, from whether or not you are open to new ideas to how quickly the sound of tapping fingernails pisses you off. This is a result of the effects of genes on neurotransmitters. Different gene sets will result in different concentrations of the various neurotransmitters in your brain. Different genes will also result in slightly different brain architectures. The result, then, is a base mindset and process for developing belief systems that's incredibly complicated and difficult to unravel.
So, essentially: the chain of events that resulted in your birth and mental development have culminated in this jarring disconnect you seem to have with existing. And, as per your inherited traits, you've tried to cope with it accordingly. Often in ways that others find horrific.
I can't tell you how to become normal. What I can tell you is that something "mattering" is purely contextual, an issue of creating a code or standard of behavior that you prefer.
(cont'd)
>>707533513
I can't thank you enough for responding. I read more of your replies and the resemblance we bear is undeniable. I saw your thread and out of curiosity opened it. I've felt so alone and miserable because it's always been so hard for anyone to understand and no ever said it could be schizophrenia or something, I've been diagnosed bipolar, major depressive, suicidal, but they never seemed accurate so I would stop following through. Schizophrenia was always portrayed as being exaggerated so I never even thought it was a possibility. But the feeling that im living in a dream a reality that is fake is so real along with all the other episodes that it's hard to continue sometimes, but I can't tell you how much better I feel to know that its not just me. Ive been kept away from doctors my whole life so although I'dlike to go get help I'm not sure I can find it in myself to overcome what prevents me. Thank you for the advice, I wish you well OP
>>707520950
all hail the fifth and final god hand
>>707534213
Thanks man, I appreciate that. And frankly /b/ does help at times (who fucking knew...) when I need people to talk to. Like I said isolation is the worst thing for me, even though a lot of times I crave it.
>>707534368
Exactly, that's why I've been afraid to go. They don't give a shit, they just want money, and I hate their bullshit cookie-cutter methods. Both of those diagnoses are a part of Schizophrenia, so you may have it. As far as my day to day life, it's kind of bland. Everything is just bleh, I have a general disdain for everyone and everything around me, I sort of resent this existence for not being interesting to me I guess? It's hard finding a job, because it's hard to be motivated when you don't care about anything. As far as sociability, I fine I guess. I just tend to avoid most people. People find me an asshole most of the time, I'm very sarcastic and generally offensive. Some of my closest friends told me they knew something was off when they met me. So generally I'm seen by others as off, so they tend to avoid me as well. I'm fine with it, I generally hate most people I encounter so it works.
Also guys Im taking another smoke break, be back in five.
>>707534039
I wouldn't say upset is the right word, Im being honest too, you know you have issues, "twisted" is just a harsh way of saying that. As for the people thing, I stand by that, I do hope you don't move on to hurting/killing people. I feel sorry for you actually, people with a healthy mindset take that shit for granted, if only they knew the potential horrors that lie in the human mind...
I don't know if it's possible to effectively "cure" you but please try and get some help, it's the best course of action. Either you'll learn to control it or get rid of it or you won't and you'll be right where you started. You can pretty much only go up from here OP, going lower means full mental breakdown with a gun on a city street
hot off the press, just for you op
>>707535158
While it may be the case that millions of humans happen to agree on a few common rules, the fact remains that these rules only matter because said humans say they do. If you want to get over the feeling that nothing "matters", you need to make up your mind on what states of being or events you prefer. Clearly, you have some idea as to how you prefer to use your life (as you don't want to just "waste" it by suiciding). Perhaps by exploring this further--preferably through means that enable you to tune out the other personality fragments--you can come closer to becoming more complete, more YOU. Because while most humans don't necessarily have the same hardships in defining "what matters", nor necessarily think about it explicitly, I can assure you: they most definitely do go through the same process.
Otherwise, they'd all feel just as empty and out of touch with reality as you do now.
That is all.
>>707535158
That is true, but that difference is what makes people live a happy normal life (and I'm not talking about a 9-5 with a family, just being in a healthy mindset rather than living through hell 24/7)
so iteresed but there's too much tldr in this thread. here ya go just take this
>>707524820
I wish there were a way to at least replace the bad voices with good ones.
Personally, I have a dualism in my head, but I'm certain it is not schizophrenic.
Also, more pictures for my bro:
Also, check this guy out, I have a feeling you may like his work:
https://www.youtube.com/user/cyriak
>>707535240
4 u
I'm the schiz from the cannabis thread, this is more or less a basic description of what I see in my own hallucinations. Arms growing out of mouths, bodies being split down the middle, people being fused with one another. This shit is dope, these images desensitize me to my visual hallucinations. Bump as fuck. I have hallucinations of all the five senses, visually the most. Bugs constantly crawling in my eyes. Not fun!
OP here, I'm back.
>>707534854
Thank you.
>>707534975
Top kek maybe so. It is my favorite genre, with classical. \m/
>>707535158
Holy shit, that's not bad. Like, at all. I appreciate that, and I look forward to the con't.
>>707535169
Of course, I'm beyond glad I could help in any way. I understand what you mean, and I hope you can find a way to cope with it. I wish you the best as well, anon. Thank you for the conversation as well. You aren't alone, so never feel like you are. There's always someone out there that will understand, you just have to find them.
>>707535476
I know what you mean. I hope I don't move on to that, either, and I really don't think I will. But who knows. I'm learning how to deal with it, but besides that, I really don't want to get 100% better. Like I said, I wouldn't be the same, and as awful as it is, this shit is still a part of me, and I'd be devastated if I lost it.
>>707535579
Too realistic for my taste, but it's really well done. Thank you anon!
>>707518854
>>707529457
sounds like these "demons" is the remaining good part of your soul trying to kill the intruding real demon.. I was once like you.. just without those insanely detailed delusions etc... seem like you're "spirit" is trying to awaken. I am by no means religious. Get those good vibes by admitting you're an asshole with a strong and fantasy-filled mind.. having a subconscious intervention and everything will be fine. The world forgives you, you had a bad childhood. Now go put that awesome mind of yours to use
>>707535632
That's very interesting, thank you for sharing. That makes a lot of sense, and I'll definitely be thinking about that a lot from now on.
>>707535874
Kek I know that feel, and thank you anon.
>>707536068
Yeah, if only. Also thank you, I'll be sure to check it out!
>>707536086
Thanks anon, I like this one.
>>707536334
Doesn't sound fun. I don't have hallucinations that often, most of it is just involuntary thought.
>>707535579
>>707536388
Was my first of the kind, thanks for the comment!
>>I'm over here beating myself up over the mediocrity.
>>707536622
Oh yeah, I might also mention I have a huge fucking fetish for Demonesses. Not sure why, but the thought of Succubus visitation has always been a fantasy of mine. Also got a lot of fucked up and oddly specific sexual desires, and I'm not sure why or how they got there.
>>707536835
I've thought about that, and it is certainly a possibility. To be honest though, and if you want to get REALLY crazy with theories - I always had the feeling the Nephelim (or however you spell it) survived, maybe there's a bit of Angelic or Demonic blood in some people, and maybe I just have a bit more Demonic ancestry than others, so that's why I feel so comfortable and drawn to Hell and the like. Just a theory, not even sure if I believe it.
>>707536388
>>707535158
>>707535632
Wow, gave the the beginning and middle, but left out the end.
>"Otherwise... you do now."
The reason that they "feel normal" is that their brain machines just happen to be in that particular state. Every bit of data the brain takes in--every stimulus, every processing of information--creates a new state. You presently happen to be missing the information to put you into that state. I don't know exactly what it might be, but I'd bet starting at the "nothing matters" point would help get you there. That seems to be what bothers you the most. And as I'd come to realize a while ago, "mattering" is one of the few things a person can control in life. At least, once they realize they can.
I used to be very similar to you. Could have even become you, were circumstances different. But, chance has led me here, instead. Here's to hoping you find what you need to set your brain into whatever state it is you need.
Ah, and one more bit of art before I turn in for the night. Good luck. Both for your sake and those around you.
>>707536086
There's something about the "simplicity" of this one that just works...
>>707537096
You did really well! I think it's fucking awesome, don't beat yourself up over it, you did really good, and considering that's your first one that's fucking amazing. Keep it up, anon. You have talent.
>>707530017
do the greentext
>>707534039
> I just don't understand what you're expecting.
>I haven't done anything yet. There's no reason to be upset.
See for other people it's normal to look at violence as horrifying and people who even have those thoughts to be so far away from what is actually happening that they're lost.
>>707537309
Thank you, anon. That's really insightful, and I'll be sure to think long and hard about it. I appreciate your advice and your thoughts, I hope you do well also friend. Goodnight.
>>707537396
I know what you mean. I like minimalism as well. It's raw, and I like it.
>>707530211
I honestly have no idea what an after-life entails for you. Would you go to hell if you went on a murder spree, or would you go to heaven due to being mentally ill. I guess it ultimately comes down to choice right?
>>707537449
Already did.
>>707532347
>>707537578
True, that is a good point, but generally you're not going to look for normality in the words of an admitted Schizophrenic.
how is it when u switch your personality do u have a different voice then ?
>>707537578
>Normal
>/b/
I thought summer was over
Op, im curious as to what you think of movies like mad Max and perhaps living in situations like that. Do they make you feel at home?
>>707518854
FYI OPs art is Beksinski. He is a god of my life.
>>707537408
:)
>>707538075
That's not schizophrenia
>>707538075
I don't switch my personality. "The other guy" has directed my actions many times, and sometimes it's to the point where he may as well be in total control, but I've never outright switched. No, my voice doesn't fucking change, why on Earth would my voice change?
>>707538082
Top kek. Agreed.
>>707537302
Dude i've had countless of good and bad trips on countless drugs and bad trips always mimic mental illnesses. I don't see why you can change it to thinking you have spirtual ancestry? "demonic" people were just people who opposed to tirans claiming to be saints.. the modern occultists are just being edgy. You know.. acknowledging that you're thoughts feed your future mental state force you to just stay positive fr the sake of becoming better.. and it works.. that's how you get out of a bad trip. I've had good trips too so brace yourself for an awesome life if you can do it. Fuck psychology and all that this is your mind take it back goddamnit. it all starts with breaking your ego and self and being a new you..
>>707538409
what does the other guy do?
Do you think the voices would try to stop you if you an hero?
>>707538256
fucking love beksinski's works
>>707538250
Not big into Mad Max, more into Fallout. The thought of being in the post-apocalypse sounds amazing, I'd get to kill anyone I wanted, do as many drugs as I could find, and basically do whatever the fuck I want. As far as being at home? No. Not at all. While my favorite environment is the Desert, I love to be there and it's about the only place on Earth I enjoy being in, I don't feel at home here. Hell and destroyed Earth are two totally different things.
>>707538337
Thank you.
Smoke break again, be back in five.
>>707537844
Haha not judging man, just pointing out where the difference is. Sorry im just trying my best to understand what it's like and it's absolutely astonishing to say the least. I've been really considering studying counselling and I think understanding just how things work with other people will help me in the future to be better at my job. You said you get obsessed about certain thoughts and they attach to things. As in a genre (I.e death, betrayal, lying etc) and the genre sort of becomes the framework that you put objects into and then your mind runs rampant in the zone. Is that correct?
Will dump a few. Stay ill OP.
>>707538539
excuse the clumsy and cringy grammar it's almost 6:00 am and i'm high as fuck.. lot of stupid mistakes.. I know better
>>707538675
Thats incredible!! What about personal discomfort such as the blaring heat, not having enough water or modern comforts such toilets showers and air conditioning amd the food youd need to not feel hungry and sick? Those factors dont bother you?
>>707538675
What you smoking oh pee?
>>707532347
I think its the adrenaline. Try injecting some adrenaline into yourself and see if that has an effect on you. That way you can not kill things and still get the same feeling ( I hope)
Your story seems to resonate with me:
>be me
>be mad, have to let cat in
>am still mad (because mom yeled at me)
>I am known to take violence to the extreme
>see cat, is happy to see me
>pet cat
>suddenly irrisiteble urge to commit violence to it
>Press it against floor with little effort (yet all my might)
>Don't feel anything, am blank and expressionless (like most of the time)
>a part of me keeps telling me to "stop, dear god, stop"
>cat makes final choke of breath
>suddenly pity it, all anger is gone.
>suddenly I let go
>cat runs away, fears me with all its being
>I don't feel bad, or sorry, emotionally
I think my problem is sociopathy, my family line has a tendency to varied forms of mental illness, so I would not be surprised.
I did not go so far as you, I get my adrenaline fixes from super-surreal and crazy dreams and premonitions. You should try lucid dreaming, its fucking awesome.
>>707538409
We actually all have these bouts of anxiety but correct me if im wrong but you cant distinguish whether your theories of reality are real or not. Following on from that, do you take into account evidence to the contrary? Or do you dismiss them instantly and stick with the theories
dississgood
Die staring back at her eyes
>>707539528
Killimanjaro Drakjazz ensemble, here be dragons worth listening to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d29u8KWiacw
OP here, I'm back.
>>707538497
Love this.
>>707538539
Also, while I haven't tripped yet, I've heard lots of people talk about it, and I wouldn't say they're the same thing. As far as Demonic ancestry, I didn't say I believed that was the case, just that it was interesting to think about. Also, I believe in those things, I don't think all of it was just a political game. I understand that most people have the capacity to do that, but the fact of the matter is, my thoughts are not all my own to think, and as I've stated dozens of times in this thread, I have no intention or desire to get better. I appreciate the advice though.
>>707538559
Basically tries to convince me I'm (insert negative thing here) and they've tried to make me an hero many times, I just don't have any interest in outright killing myself. "The other guy" also tends to direct my actions into negativity, make me do bad things, etc. He's just very violent, and unfortunately he's very intelligent as well. He fucks with me, and works shit into place, he doesn't just scream and shout like others do. He plots shit, and for some reason he can hide what he thinks from me.
>>707538769
No problem, I know you're not judging and I frankly wouldn't care if you were. I know what you mean, and I hope your aspirations are successful. You're right in a way, but sometimes it can be specific, for instance I can obsess about a certain guy I don't like my girlfriend talking to, it's a very intense and preoccupying hate. However I do have certain themes that my obsessions follow I suppose, so yes, you're right.
>>707538882
I appreciate it kek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyIOzt8v5AQ&list=RDUkB97JZnsPQ&index=21
>>707522402your powers have been developing sense the age you started to experience severe environments which caused your genetic code to start mutating. You are not sick and the things you are seeing are 5th dimensional. There are more people like you out there who exhibit THE EXACT SAME SYMPTOMS YOU DESCRIBED OP. If you would like to know more reply to me and I will post a throwaway email for us to exchange further contact. Have you started seeing loved ones or people you like being devoured by these visions?
>>707539901
Listen to this if you like the hellish sounding shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elEj3bGaano
>>707539956
Fuck off.
I've dumped a lot of images tonight, may as well write something too.
I think I had an epiphany tonight, I let go of my spooks and it's been 5 hours and I feel like I was on MDMA. I have a cold and sore throat and assume I have high temperature and am near death, but honestly I can die happy because I'm listening to the underground.
I'll keep posting for you anon, it's probably the last thing I'll do.
>>707518854
I need to find the stabbing ones
>>707539901
>he can hide what he thinks from me.
It's because you let him. Start "remembering to forget that he can hide things" (the brain doesn't understand the word "don't"/"not"/"won't") and you'll be... better, at least.
I am addicted to thick women. If I don't get top tier pics of delicious curves I may die. No fatties.
It's hilarious how hollywood makes people with schizophrenia and other forms of mental retardation seem cool and edgy as fuck. In reality, your typical patient with schizophrenia is a blithering idiot and is usually a gigantic cunt as well.
How deep does the rabbit hole go?
Literally good and evil are social constructs so there's no hell. You are not seeing things from the 5th dimension. There is not another guy in your head. You have an illness, that illness makes you think some of your random thoughts are real. You need to take meds so you can tell the difference. Then you'll think and feel better. Good luck.
>>707539901
>he plots shit, and for some reason he can hide what he thinks from me
Its interesting you say that cause Ive noticed this strange occurence where peoples sub conscious affects every decision they make. They just have no idea. For example people with high anxiety and self doubt wear tons of black cause symbolically it hides who they are. So maybe the other guy is actually your subconscious but you can somehow actually access whats happening back there. Have you ever given thought to sitting down and trying to understand why you have those thoughts and where they originate from?
>>707540405
Isn't that that French guy that got fucked up in his tub?
I had a similar experience "they" are not sure is a schizophrenia episode or bipolar.
Basically I thought I was Donald Trumps kid and he was sending messages to me in his rallies . I hallucinated something happening to my phone and PC making everything super literal.
Looking back it was pretty funny, I hallucinated an intense game show where I had "callers" that I had to get off the line (oytta my head) asap.
I hallucinated hypnotic blocks preventing me from doing shit like leaving the apartment I ended up loosing my job of 5 years and becoming homeless but it was an amazing experience.
>>707540709
please stop pushing the mysticism shit if you are that guy. I'm a Christian and I'm not evangelising.
>>707536388
to sum everything up, i feel like i'm not real, like i'm not meant to be alive at all, it always seems like i'm wathing tv or something like that when i see something i seems like i'm not there. and when i was in my teens i would like believe i was some god or something, the most common thing was i thought i was death and i was just living a human life to see what it was like, now i have to supress these thoughts and tell myself they're not real. and i always think everyone hates me, but this isn't really like "bored up all the windows and hide in this tub with a 22" paranoid more like i shouldn't even try to approach him. what would you call this?
>>707540766
The Death of Marat is a painting by Jacques-Louis David of the murdered French revolutionary leader Jean-Paul Marat.
It is one of the most famous images of the French Revolution. David was the leading French painter, as well as a Montagnard and a member of the revolutionary Committee of General Security. The painting shows the radical journalist lying dead in his bath on 13 July 1793 after his murder by Charlotte Corday.
Painted in the months after Marat's murder.
>>707538941
Nah you're good fam.
>>707538979
I haven't thought of that to be honest, but now that I do... I never put thought into it, but I enjoy freezing my ass off, and not just in the "cool temperature" way, I mean when I was 8 my mom had to watch me, because I used to just go outside in the dead winter and stand on the porch without any shoes, and just freeze myself. I also eat as little as possible. I don't like to eat, I can't explain it, but it feels unnatural and weird to me. I mostly live on fluids, and I don't like being thirsty, so there's that. I actually would find it pretty fucking awful to be without toilets kek. However I do also tend to go without sleep as long as I can. I'm not sure why, it doesn't feel good to be tired, but for some reason I crave being as exhausted as I can get. I'll stay up for 4 or 5 days at a time, longer if I can, but I haven't been able to go that long. I have a very strange and deep-seated desire to feel pain. I'm very masochistic, but not just in my sexuality, I just generally desire to have harm (mental or physical) inflicted upon me.
>>707539155
Not sure, got some pretty fuckin decent mid-grade, though I'm not sure what the name is.
>>707539323
It's not just adrenaline. I've felt adrenaline many times before and it isn't the same. Also I've been trying to lucid dream for years but I can't ever actually do it. I've been close a few times. Always wanted to though. Any tips?
>>707539454
Frankly I dismiss evidence, not out of ignorance, but because it doesn't sound right to me. It doesn't convince me, I have trouble accepting it as truth.
>>707539956
•°•∆•°•
°•∆∆•°
•∆∆∆•
>>707534572
Thank you genuinely, I'll keep that advice in mind
>>707539901
Following on from this
>>707540709
Would it possible to keep in contact some way after this thread is over?
>>707518854
>>707541081
>>707541056
Nah man, im the counselling degree guy
I think I'm almost out /40
>>707539599
i say, that man has jellyfishes for buttcheeks
Shall I keep dumping?
>>707541126
>>707521071
muh dik
>>707539901
the "voice" in my heAd tries to convince to to An hero lots of times... i think You're psychotic.. i've developed a little psychosis by drug abuse but can control my thoughts most of the time. You have a certain gift and I understand you do not want to lose it. At least try to understand their origins. It's so personal that only you can. Nevertheless.. We have more in comon than you might think. I've been also drawing diabolical shit and corpses , faces of hell etc as a. young child. I've never really been able to live a normal life due to something I have. I've just never encountered things in life that would amplify it before I built a mental grip on my own subconscious. Our lifestyle alone does tremendous damage to the human psyche.. you're not weird.. this whole world is..
done all sorts of drugs btw, ask away
>>707541601
Goodnight anons
>>707539956
Alright, totally looks like shit bait, but the fact of the matter is, shit like this gets to me. I'm obsessed with "higher power" conspiracies and I can't afford to let this go if it was real. Post the email, I'm Claudius Noxia, you'll know it when you see it.
>>707540067
Liking it so far, I appreciate it. I don't like vocals that's overly growl-y but it's pretty good nonetheless.
>>707540281
Well shit. I appreciate that, anon. Hold on tight, you're in for a bumpy ride if this is it.
>>707540431
I'll try it, I appreciate that.
>>707540491
It isn't cool or edgy, and while I'm not the smartest person I know, I'm not an idiot. It isn't that they're stupid, they're just on a whole other level than you, they're completely different and while delusional, everything is real to them that they feel.
>>707541752
>>707541947
I can keep dumping this or..
like this>>707541573
>>707542035
>>707531339
reminds me alot of The Mound by Lovecraft
>>707541095
979. See some would theorize that you do all these things to punish yourself. Cause you believe you arent good enough due to like you said your step father woukd beat you so that would've destroyed your self image.
But from what you're saying it seems like you're happy to test yourself and push yourself to see how close you can get. Is it cause like you said sometimes you dont feel real and this is the only way you can feel something? Agan. Theories and trying to better understand it
>>707542093
Have you ever communed with demons in a dream?
>>707542210
>>707541752
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lwnoSeiAFSY
>>707542244
I wish my imagine would believe
A picture could never describe schizophrenia.. It is the progression through time, the decay, rot and sublime quality of it all.
A still frame from a lifetime of weirdness and normality, from the view of the observer.
>>707540521
Seems like it just keeps on going to be honest.
>>707540598
Top kek
>>707540699
K.
>>707540709
Hm... That's a good point. I'll be sure to think about that, and find out. I appreciate that, anon. I haven't so far, but I will be sure to think more about it.
>>707540929
That's weird, and interesting to say the least. Dayum son.
>>707541056
I'm a Christian too, actually. And I actually find that shit very interesting. You just have to learn to discern things, everything is worth considering and thinking about, I don't subscribe to the notion that God doesn't want us to think or ask questions, even when they delve into shit like that.
>>707542402
Wrong picture
>>707542093
second one
>>707542454
I'll try for you
>>707518854
Here
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh9osYZNilU
Blackest Eyes
>>707540929
here.. you wouldn't lose your job that fast and the government would support you. Oh and what you describe IS EXACTLY HOW AN AWESOME TRIP GOES. you lose connection to yourself and end up in a crazy world with a crazy story that has a pun directed at you personaly in a funny, sometimes sadistic and diabolical yet brilliant way.. keep on going you twistes transistor
>>707542545
how often do you think things in the newspaper, or on the radio or in a movie, etc, are about or for you?
>>707542671
>>707522402
If you are self diagnosed I assume you aren't on meds. I had the same symptoms and lack of motivation and now I have a full time job and am one year from my masters. Do yourself a favor and talk to your doctor about a prescription. It can really change your life. My diagnosis is schizoaffective bipolar type
Hvys liset tar oss you faggot
>>707542737
>>707535240
just work at mickey d's take the order and go home. working is better than ssi
>>707542807
I believe picture related is of germans viewing images committed by others in the camps
>>707542948
third party guesses of the personality you think you are talking according to judgment generalization of 4chan's crowd into changing in alteraction you see on the responses of your thread.
>>707524417
I work in a mental health clinic in crisis counseling and I can't even tell you how many welfare queens like you there are that could be fully functioning adults with medication.
>>707543020
>>707540929
>sending messages to me
that's classic schizophrenia (bipolar is placed on the schizophrenic spectrum these days, tho, so it might still be diagnosed that way depending on other symptoms)
it is hypothesized that schizophrenia occurs due to the brain's over-interpretation of sensory data
this leads to delusions of reference, i.e. thinking something is about oneself when it obviously isn't
that's why I asked my question about newspapers and such >>707542722
>>707541377
Moonman?
>>707542419
OP, since you don't have hallucinations, how do you distinguish your being from depression? I mean, it could be depression, not a schizophrenia?
>>707543120
A man can dream
>>707541095
I cant give you any advice. Its just something you do. A good method I hear, however, is to write a letter on your palm (or a word) and look at it every time before you got to bed. eventually you will see the letter in the dream and become aware of your state. One the awareness starts, you can manipulate the dream by what you imagine. You could become more aware and try to move your muscles while they are paralyzed, which may cause night terrors.
>>707543064
i have been through 4 mental hospitals the last 4 years, circa 1 month duration, and i agree, i have gone to work each time.
>>707541139
Of course, I hope everything works out for you both.
>>707541193
Of course. My email is [email protected]
>>707541573
Shit I'm horny now, by all means keep dumping this kind of shit kek.
>>707541664
Interesting... I do the same shit, and I may be psychotic, I don't fuckin' know.
>>707541863
Goodnight anon, thank you for the pictures!
>>707542035
More of this please.
>>707542148
That is a good point, and while it's not at all to the magnitude as when I kill something, feeling pain does make me feel slightly more alive than pleasure. Perhaps it is, I'm not sure. Theories are very interesting, I love hearing them.
>>707542244
Yes, a few times. Though I forget most of them, it's not like a significant event. In my dreams the Demons are just there, like in the dream it isn't abnormal for them to exist, I don't question it, I just accept that they are there.
>>707542407
Exactly. However, I've seen in many works the timeline of suffering and twistedness can be summarized or at least halfway represented in an image. When I see them I feel it, I feel the connection, and in a moment of strange and potent empathy, I understand how the artist was feeling, because I've felt it too.
What do you think about this song? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RBSrUtX0bA
>>707543183
I'm done, /51
>>707543290
*gone to work each time after each visit i mean
>>707543338
>>707518854
TOYNBEE IDEA
IN KUBRICK'S 2001
RESURRECT DEAD
ON PLANET JUPITER
>>707542722
>>707543099
not diagnosed with anything.. I've had the latter everytime while tripping. And one time I read about flouride and "there's something in the water" played on the radio, kek.
>>707543475
The pictures ITT makes me want to read HP Lovecraft
>>707543579
>>707543293
Found >>707542035 on /x/, sometimes there are great pictures to be found on that board.
I don't have anymore though...
>>707543696
>>707543676
They make me want to kill myself, but I am the one posting them so.. let nature take its toll
>>707541058
>>707543293
idk how you're doing this but i think you skipped me
OP what's your thoughts on religion
>>707543806
heroin chic is the best
>>707542722
Not in those mediums, but I see shit all the time that I'm convinced is some higher force trying to communicate with me. Pareidolia is common in Schizophrenics, and I know that, but yet I can't help but to believe those things.
>>707542744
I don't want to get better, as I've said many times before. But I appreciate that.
>>707542896
True, very true.
>>707543132
I do have hallucinations sometimes, just not often. The reason I believe I have Schizophrenia is due to the nature of my thoughts and my behaviors, as well as how I feel.
>>707543184
Yeah, I've tried that. Still working on it kek
>>707543886
>>707543527
U quag tiy fiis kyxj ub kudw Anon.
n't fis;a kicw vw qurg tiy, 'bs n't gw g'cw nwext ib tiye aiyk.
>>707543064
Eh, fuck you. No individual owes society the physical alteration of their own brains and personhood. Especially not now, when there's no escape from society, no wilderness to go off to & live off the land. Fuck you for suggesting anyone owes anything to this stupid, over-producing, mass-consuming, enslaving, wasteful, overambitious machine which somehow has us all working more hours despite ever growing automation.
>>707543864
I own the book from which that picture originates, nice book.
>>707543991
Not what you asked for but what do you think of this?
>>707543579
>>707542331
Same girl??
>>707543099
Well they think its more bipolar. I only got the symptoms whilst high though ( really potent indica) and insomnia.
Now weed is fine . before I used to be able to tweet while high then whatever I tweeted would be played out in my head and I got the literal feelings.
For e.g I tweeted thinking I was Trumps VP puck and got all the emotions of that happening.
>>707544206
I mean sativa not indica
>>707543064
>>707544000
Counselors are all judgmental meddling busybody cunts, masturbating to the self-serving delusion that they're doing something valuable by making personal life decisions for others.
fuck off nurse ratched bitch
>>707544127
>>707544183
Sadly not
>>707541095
>454
Wait so how do you come up with the thoeries? Do you gather the evidence and see it in a certain when you analyze it and then draw a conclusion? or is theory first and then you gather evidence disposing of the ones that dont fit?
>>707544000
This
>>707544307
Ok now I am actually done
Goodbye all
>>707544052
Thoughts on religion OP?
>>707543293
Well.. if you think of yourself as righteous and see the world around you. Normal.. "good" people look like xunta and diabolical shit must be good because all the other people around us who are bad think its bad. We've come to the point where being a good human being cannot be achieved without interfering with your role in society.. most of the time. You're in this "matrix" we all build in our own head.. but you're mind it trying to get out. Just remember.. have fun, enjoy the ride. Never be scared. You are in control even though it may not feel like it. Don't take their "meds".
>>707543723
Thanks amigo.
>>707543830
I'm sorry I somehow didnt see you. Smoke break backed me up. Oh Jesus Christ you sound like me... I didn't want to say because it's cringey as fuck, but I am constantly bombarded with delusions that I'm more than human. Most of the time I think I'm meant to destroy the world, that I'm only here to destroy everything, that the end of the world is coming because of me. I'm obsessed with the notion, and it's fucking with me constantly. I'd call it Schizophrenia, simply because it's so similar to what I have.
>>707543864
I'm a Christian in a loose sense of the word, but I believe religion is more than a fairy tale, just not that it should make you a fucktard.
>>707539956
Anon are you still there? I hope you are... I'd really like an email.
>>707544206
perhaps schizoaffective then
get that checked out man, mania can fuck you over quick
>>707544621
you have spoken truth on religion. Congratulations senpai!
Scorn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBlBtP3-x_w
>>707544000
this this this
>>707543967
I felt the same way about my symptoms in the past; that they are a part of me and that taking medication would make me a fundamentally different person. But I no longer miss them. I haven't heard voices in years but I occasionally still get paranoid and think I am the butt of a joke in social situations. Do you get that sinking feeling like you are about to go down a rollercoaster hill when you have a break? I still get that feeling sometimes especially when I am very low on sleep but I am very happy to leave the more troubling symptoms behind. I really encourage you to just try medication for a month. It's not going to have any permanent effect on you so if you don't like it just don't refill the prescription. Why not at least see what the other side is like?
>>707544621
either that new-age-fag anon was a troll, or seriously believed that you are god.
>>707543996
what
completely wipe out your storyline / thought process into nothing with heavy doses of anti psychotics, and then quit medication again, and regain yourself after into someone healthy. by noticing the difference, one will chose normality.
stare into your eyes up close in the mirror for an hour
>>707544621
I agree too pertaining to your views on religion.
>>707544460
Religion mostly refers to attempts to control people's spirituality. That's how powerful the mind is, that people would attempt to control it by regimenting people's thought. Yoga can teach every individual all they need to know about spirituality.
>>707544621
>constantly bombarded with delusions that I'm more than human
>I think I'm meant to destroy the world
lol I get pretty similar delusions like that too, tho I'm bipolar
what's your reasons for going without medication? I used to feel similarly while manic, but now that I'm more balanced I'm grateful for the level-headedness
how old are you OP? have long have you lived with schizophrenia?
>>707544000
You are all pot smoking stubborn children. Go live in the woods in a tent made out of your phish t-shirts you fucking losers
>>707544621
>>707543830(me)
yeah...my gran was diagnosed back in the 70s, and the 2nd most common thing is that i'm meant to rebuild the usa after some terrible event
>>707544621
are you me? Wtf you are scaring me>>707544621
>>707544000
Fucking amen.
>>707544135
Reminds me of the Divine Comedy. I love it.
>>707544330
To be honest I go out and gather random knowledge, and generally just meditate and contemplate things until I physically can't do it anymore. Certain things pop out at me, they strike me in a weird way, and I obsess over them and find out more, developing theories from there. So a bit of both I guess.
>>707544541
I don't see good people as bad, and as cringey as it sounds, the only word I can think of to describe how I see them is "prey." I have a general disdain for people who are righteous, and while intellectually I realize it's a good thing to be, my raw feelings tell me to hate them. I know what I obsess over, and what I do is evil, I'm just aligned that way. It's not that I have any illusions that hurting people is "good" - I just want to do it anyway.
>>707545102
How do you know that life is fundamentally rational? Perhaps there are alternatives outside the bounds of the rational aspect of our existence.
>>707545029
its encrypted. decipher it with your keyboard by moving each letter one to the right. if it moves to a backspace, enter, or shift, or \ key then move to opposite end of keyboard.
>>707545185
No one aspect of life is gives the answer to everything whether spiritual or physical.
>>707545440
Yoga is pretty fundamental for a human, you can't really go wrong with it.
>>707544000
That's cool. Really. But if you are a danger to others, and effect others, even if "in your head" you deem it ok, you get locked up. Danger to yourself? I personally could care less, in the sense that if you make the choice not to get help and deal with any possible negatives that may come with it, you also forgo the benefits.
>>707544296
How does a mental health counselor make life choices for you? Have you ever been to therapy? The decisions we make to out someone in a hospital is because they are too dangerous to be out in society. We send them to short inpatient stays that typically last 3-5 days. We have nothing to do with long term residential placements. Those are reserved for people far too crazy to navigate 4chan
>>707545279
your a normie-fag who cant handle people doing stupid shit, go into your basement you fucking loser.
>>707542563
Great Song!!!
I feel more alive than before
>>707545287
I'm guessing the delusion came from the trump vs Hillary campaign right?
>>707518854
Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.
>>707545394
it must not hinder you in your life though, even though it always does, it is important to not stick to SSI, adult education is a thing. You just gotta compare the 2 realities and chose which one is real while knowing both.
>>707545297
WTF?
probably just the same post but you read it twice?
>>707545795
David Bowie had the genes for schizophrenia, he did pretty well. He understood what it really means. He commented on his brothers death, who also had it. He indicated that it was a blessing in some ways.
>>707545629
>hurr duur I only decide whether you should be allowed out in society and can put you away without trial
>how does that make a life choice for you? it's only indefinite incarceration!
>it's not like I'm fallible
People like you should set yourselves on fire.
>>707545672
I'm in bed next to my wife. I'll wake up tomorrow and drive one of my two cars to work and come home to play games on my 4k 55" tv with my $1500 PC, drink a beer and fuck my wife. Can't do that with your food stamps bud.
>>707544784
Kek thanks.
>>707544983
I don't know... It frightens me. I know I'm being stupid and a pussy but I can't do it. I don't want to be separated from them, I'd lose it. (I recognize the irony of that statement, but I stand by it)
>>707544996
Well hopefully he wasn't a troll, but probably. Holy fuck that would be the best-case scenario, if I was a god.
>>707545109
I have, it isn't fun. Behind me, in my reflection I saw basically an entire room full of Demons, but the moment I moved my eyes they disappeared. That happens a lot.
>>707545159
Danke schon.
>>707545206
I just don't want to lose this, I don't know why but I am attached to it, and the thought of losing it is unbearable. I'm 19, and I've had it all my life, but it started to mature and develop into what it is when I was like 13 or 14.
>>707545287
Best of luck to you, anon. Maybe I'll clean house and you can rebuild after. Kek
>>707545297
What do you mean?
>>707543293
>148
I only say that cause my ex would say the exact same thing. But she had Borderline Personality Disorder. And she'd self harm instead but in general just absolutely anything to escape. Drinking fucking etc. Didnt have an abusive father. I heard once that "addiction is simply escaping pain" and that we only repeatedly do somrthing thats detrimental because it takes the focus away and keeps us running from the possibility of having to face the trauma we endure. We bottle up these memories of trauma cause we couldnt process it before due it being either not being mentally strong or experienced enough or just not completely understanding the reasoning behind it all. But either way we do what we can to simply avoid feeling it. Simply cause we're shit scared of how much it's going to hurt because we know that the psychological pain is going to be way worse than anything physical. So in theory, a summary would be "id rather hurt myself and not think about it rather than have to face the pain of those memories".
>>707545279
>Adults who don't want to obey my rules and norms are children.
kek, you wish. That's what it's all about. You. Fucking. Wish.
>>707545534
I practice yoga and other forms of 'flow' too, yet it does not cover all bases.
The imagination is not the limit, as we advance every aspect of our character we uncover more potential waiting to be awakened.
>>707546059
like I said. a normie.
Also, this is now a mental illness thread, so GTFO if you are normal.
>>707545964
Probably the western world is so overtaught without direction for decades, the mind becomes quite judgmental of itself, it is giving meaning to yourself while life is so engrained into your life. You know what you are.
