Ok, you degenerates. I need you to brainstorm with me. Here's the situation:
>be me
>work in an office complex with too few parking spaces for the people who work there, and the spaces are small to boot
>if you're the last one there, you're gonna have to walk
>w/e, im not a hamplanet, i can walk if i have to
>problem is, there are *several* perpetually bad parkers in the lot
>pic related, but often much worse
>a co-worker has left notes in the past, asking them to be more considerate with their parking, and he even left his business cards if they wanted to discuss the matter with him
>no effect whatsoever
>SO one day, i get back from lunch and there is, like, three-quarters of a spot left because an asshole in a honda accord decides he wants to park 5 feet from the edge of the parking pad
>well, like the passive-aggressive autist that i am, i say "fuck you, I'm parking there. I don't care if you have to crawl in through the passenger seat.
>i get inches from his door. Literally no way he can get in on that side, and he'll have to take tremendous precautions to not scratch either car backing out
>hours pass
>i walk outside to go home, and his car is gone and I've got a massive key scratch all down my driver door
tl:dr, gimme some ideas to make his life miserable. I'll bump with some of my own
>>70365108 Clog his exhaust
>>703651089
Inb4 potato in exhaust, keying his car, etc.
Those are obvious and he may reconnect the dots that it's the person whose car he keyed taking revenge. Keep in mind this happened months ago, and I've taken steps to not antagonize him again in the hopes he won't even think of my car when i finally exact revenge.
If i were going to go the exhaust route, id use 1/4" tubing attached to the end of a can of expansion foam shoved as far into his tail pipe as possible. But even that is obvious that someone is doing something malicious
>>703651089
What the fuck do you want us to say, dude? You wanna set off a bomb in his car or something?
The natural course for escalation is for you to key his car AND a little extra, which in turn will turn into THAT plus a little extra on you next time, building up until you are both litearlly shitting death on each other.
Now, wouldn't you rather just leave this fucking idiot alone and move on with your life, or do you want to be locked in a weird - by proxy - terroristic struggle between your car and this random stranger's car?
>>703651089
Put a mattress in his pool. Takes a crane to get it out.
Put wasp hive in car jimmy with car locks so can't get out
>>703651606
Better yet put a crane in his pool...heard it takes a crane to get it out
>>703651089
No cameras in the lot? Could easily get the police on them if so.
either get the secutity recording and take it to a lawyer or the police. if there are no cameras, tie a strong rope to something under his car that would fuck it up and a concrete stolp.
>>703651363
>>703651437
Damn, not quite inb4.
Still, here's my best thought so far, lemme know what you think.
Carefully collect as much poison ivy as i can find (it grows around here). Carefully chop it up and submerge it in 90% rubbing alcohol to dissolve the essential oils that fuck you up if you manage to get them on you. Then, after hours of soaking, filter the liquid into a spray bottle and proceed to spray the shit out of the door handle and other places he'd put his hand on his car.
The beauty of this would be absolute incapacitated misery during the time his hands are totally broken out in itchy hives, and he'd never assume it was revenge for keying a car months ago!
Whatcha think?
Whatever you do, don't get any brake fluid on his jalopy, cos that would be bad
>>703651567
That's exactly what i want to avoid. See >>703651855
>>703651771
>>703651777
Yeah, no cameras. That was the first thing i checked
>>703651855
what if hes not allergic to poison ivy
>>703651855
AND i could repeat this over and over after he heals!
I really hate this person, as you can tell
>>703651855
Well, dude, more than likely, you're going to get the lion's share of toxic levels of urushiol on and in your body, doing that shit.
If this was months ago and nothing else has come of it, why don't you just leave this nigger alone? Short of crashing into his car or something, it's going to be obvious that there was malicious intent behind most of this shit.
Usually the obviousness of the maliciousness is part of the appeal. He keyed your car so you would KNOW it, and be helpless about it.
The fuck is going through all this trouble to make him itch going to accomplish? You'll be itching for a week before this guy even feels it.
>>703652122
Then help me think of a backup plan! Something that he won't even see as revenge, but that will exact the kind if karmic retribution that has been coming to him his whole life
>>703651855
Unless you're a chemist with a sterile lab and equipment to work with, you are seriously underestimating what it will take to extract that toxin without seriously hurting yourself from various facets of this whole idea.
>>703652287
I can take precautions when dealing with the poison ivy, though. Have the neutralizer on-hand during every step. He, however, will be totally unprepared.
And i refuse to let this go because I refuse to let there be zero consequences for *keying someone's car* in retaliation for behavior that he himself exhibits on a daily basis! Fuck this dude, i want him to suffer and i don't give a shit if he knows it's me or if he knows why it's happening
>>703651855
I mean that sounds really good if you can pull it off. Especially if you keep doing it. I'd assume he wouldn't work out what was causing it if he can't see the residue on his car handles. I would do this if I were you, I really like the idea.
Find/make dirty clothes. Leave tattered homeless shirt by his bumper. Throw literal human feces all over his car.
>Oh, homeless Bob got you? Happens every once in a while.
take a fish. blend it. mix with gallon of water. let sit for few days. strain out the chunks. pour nasty ass water all over his car making sure to get into all the drainage spots. car will stink inside and out. just thought of it. dont know if itll work
>>703652297
Take a dump in a bag once a day, every day. New brown bag every day.
Each day, take that bag and either dump the turds on his car, or if you can, hide the bag in his car.
Daily
Until he leaves the job
Mix it up, put some in his office if you can
Or his desk
>just turds every day until he breaks
>>703652297
Just cut his breaks
Ultimate prank, he won't physically be able to retaliate
>>703652684
>Don't care if he knows
Oh. Slash his tires.
Done. Problem solved.
>Fill his catalytic converter with ammonia.
If you live in a hot area, leave Bologna on his car.
Here in Texas, it destroys the paint job.
Threads like this make me think back to a simpler time, when instead of all this undermining, terrorism, and subterfuge, people were more honest and resolved their conflicts with a knife fight or pistol duel instead.
pour motor oil on windshield. really hard to get off and if it rains he wont see shit. wipers wont help
>>703651687
lol
>>703652749
Thank you, I'm pretty proud of it. But i would like a backup...>>703652749
>>703652900
I'm not OP, but unless this guy is a mongoloid, after the second or third day in a row, someone will be waiting for OP, obviously.
Order stickers that say "rapist" and"womanizer"
Stick them all over his bumper.
Other people will do the dirty work for you.
If he scraps the stickers off, he has a ruineds paint job.
>>703651089
Get a squirt bottle or gun and fill it with hydrogen peroxide. Everyday walk by and spritz his wheels, brake rotors and any easy to hit exhaust parts. Only do this in the morning so that it has dried by evening time. The amount of rust you can create in a couple weeks is staggering.
Open his car hood, steal a spark plug.
Crawl under his car, snip a few lines.
Throw a ping pong ball in his gas tank, as he's driving it'll clog the fuel line, and then sink back down after he's done driving to see what is happening.
>>703651687
Put a cow on his roof. They usually go up inclines, not down. Usually takes a crane to get it down.
>>703653375
This.
>>703653444
take a shit in the air filter
FUCK PEOPLE THAT CANT PARK CORRECTLY
>>703651855
not a bad one
Put sugar in the fuel container, put some bread or something like that in the engine and put a rat in there, if you know his address go rob him or put some carcass to make his house smell bad, if you know his number call him privately like a psychopat, pay a nigger to go scare the shit out of him
>>703653444
Get three pigs and put the numbers 1,2,4 on them, it usually takes a crane to get them out
Trolley jack, move his car each day so everyone complains
Just prop a nail up underneath his tyres. As soon as he moves he gets a puncture.
Liquid Plummer on the hood
Spray dicks all over his car with brake cleaner. That shit will eat the paint all the way down to the bare metal.
I hate assholes like these!
I got this one from a mechanic.
As you walk past in the morning, dump break fluid on his car. Not break cleaner, but break fluid.
That shit will destroy the paint, the primer, and the fucking metal. If its left on the entire shift, he may have to replace the hood, or roof, or wherever you pour it.
>wear gloves for that shit
Find his car and key the cars next to his...
>>703654011
Put his car inside a crane. It usually takes a crane to get it out.
>>703654449
I meant carb cleaner, not brake cleaner. Carb cleaner will eat the clear coat. Brake cleaner will not.
>>703654658
next level thinking, I like that
>>703653169
kek'd hard
>>703651089
You should spray some brake fluid on the car.
The paint will make bubbles and fall off.. Do in around the bottom of the car, so it might have been from driving through something..
Or small amounts of solvent on the wind screen wipers, so they will go bad.
Brake fluid. Works like a charm if you want to make the car paint look like a hippie shirt.
>>70365492
I was two minutes late.>>703655077
But, this really does the trick.
>>703653444
>>703654923
I like your thinking. maybe fuck with his mirrors, minor crack, displaced.
rape him, or remove the stem valve from his tires
Stab his tire. Put dog shit under his hood.
>>703651089
Cut his brake lines
>>703654658
this ... also ...
> piss down the air intake
> slash all 4 tires (no one has 4 spares on them)
Buy some skunk musk
Police use it to run vagrants out of abandoned buildings
Spread it on door handles, gas cap, and pour into air vents
Also thought about removing lug nuts from wheels, cover threads with strong adhesive (epoxy/jb weld), tighten lug nuts, then cause small puncture in wheel (valve stem is good). After wheel(s) go down he will be unable to remove the wheels for repair without major problems
>>703651089
Throw paint stripper all over his car, also if you can manage to get to it In His gas tank.
>>703651089
spraypaint his windshield black
loosen all the lug nuts
>>703654658
You're pure evil.
loosen oil drain plug
superglue in the doorlocks, shit on the hood, brake fluid on the paint, push a pair of womens underwear in the back seat, lots of stuff...
>>703651089
Just put sugar or alcohol in his gas tank.
punch a hole in the radiator
>>703654444
Can't argue with quads.
>>703651089
You should just blow him and offer up your asshole for his pleasure. Because op is a giant faggot who can't get enough jazz in his ass and mouth
Why don't you man up, tell that notherfucker to his face that you know what he did to your car and to watch his back, unless he pays to fix your shit? Don't be a little bitch, own your problems.
OP here, had to pretend to work for a bit. Just going back and reading all your wonderful thoughts
>>703653375
Awesome, definitely going in the possible wins column.
take a shit in a bag, then use the bag to stuff the shit under his door handles
>>703652876
I like it! Filed away!
>>703656865
1. Buy axe
2. Smash the car
3. ????
4. Profit
Let out the air from all his tires, don't bother slashing because then it's more serious. This will still inconvenience him and teach him a lesson
remove all but 1 lugnut from each wheel
>>703656591
That does nothing.
Nothing.
>>703651089
Why not just sue the dirty nigger?
Sugar in gas tank
Kill his wife and children.
super glue gas door/cap closed
>>703656591
sugar in gas tank is a myth. sugar won't dissolve in gasoline, so the fuel filter will snag it. if you dumped enough they'd have to change the filter a few times, that's all.
alcohol, you'd have to dump a fuck ton to negate it being diluted by the normal gasoline.
your best bet in a fuel tank is sugar water. have the sugar already diluted, the water adds an extra fuck up. or syrup, but that's time consuming and you need alot.
>>703651089
First off, you should have got a picture of the cars plate.. so you can have him beat later....
Secondly ... inconsiderate assholes like him are often very cheap. Go to your local automotive hardware store.. napa or wherever... buy a quart of expensive synthetic oil.. you want the good stuff... then add 2 tablespoons of valve grinding compound to the oil.. you also buy this at napa.... be careful to make the cap look like its new... so be careful opening it.. once you add the compound shake the shit out of the oil... put it on the ground at the front of this douche bags car.. not too close.... you want him to think the guy next to him forgot it...
Once he adds that oil to his car.. and he will... he'll get 4-5 blocks away before he totally cooks his motor... it cannot be fixed.. ever..
>>703657215
this. and throw a mattress in his pool
find out who he is, make friends with him, get to know his family, get close to the wife, start fucking her, take tons of naked pics, glue them all to his car.
fuck sugar water. if u can get to his gas tank then just pour a gallon of diesel in. that'll fuck that car up for sure
>>703655077
>>703654923
>>703654473
Love it, keep em coming you glorious assholes!
>>703656824
Unfortunately, in this day and age this will only deepen my problems. Yes, i may get satisfaction from kicking his ass, but then my freedom gets taken away by men that i pay with my tax dollars.
Fuck that.
I will so this covertly so as to inflict maximum damage and incur minimal risk
follow him home, find out where he lives, call the police and leave a tip that it sounds like a domestic disturbance there.
>>703657206
Can't prove he did it. No cameras and it'd be my word versus his
>>703651089
Get Oil pan that has screw tops to hold oil. Get underneath and take off oil plug. Drain oil into pan. Get a hammer and put a dent and scratch and fuck up the plug hole to make it look like he ran over something and fucked up the oil pan. You can take an eye dropper and put a few drops on the floor in line to make it look like the car drove in dripping but only small one to not make it obvious. It'll take some effort and you may need a car jack and a look out but you will fuck up his world for the day. If he's lucky he'll drive a short distance and not fuck up the motor.
>>703657386
Nice, but i can't be sure he'll actually add it to his engine...
I do, however, commend your lines of thought
>>703654658
I was srsly going to suggest this same thing.
Also, when people start saying something... bring up how you're car was keyed a couple months ago by the same guy.
pour brake fluid on the car - it'll fuck up the paint
stick a nail in his tyre and leave it there so it deflates slowly and he has to constantly reinflate it/get a flat after a while
>>703651089
1. Sugar in gas tank
2. Spray paint all of his windows black except for a clear swastika on his back window
3. Get a freddy kreuger glove (or a bunch of keys, whatever) and scratch the ever loving shit out of his car. I don't mean one long line, I mean everywhere. Fuck. His. Shit. Up.
4. Take a bus to work for a month or two. I would also suggest getting a paint job on your car before you start driving to work again.
>>703654658
I like this idea....just be sure you don't get caught.
>>703657954
So you can't man up and confront the guy because it will deepen the problems?
But covertly (which is a gamble mind you, not guaranteed) fucking with the guy won't deepen your problems?
You do know that the stuff being discussed on here as "covert" ways to fuck with the guy can ALSO get you put in jail.
Drain 1/2 of his oil.
If he has a Lon. Commute, it'll do the job.
>>703658313
If it looks new, and it's high quality... he'll add it.
people like this are mad predictable.. Likely he'll think it was the gods gracing him with a bonus..
>>703658112
Then knife his tires. You can drive home in a keyed car.
>>703658652
I love the vindictiveness, cuz that fucker deserves it, but you're coming at it from an angle of "i want him to know who did this and why."
I want to take this shit nuclear, but in a way that prevents mutually assured destruction, ya dig?
Spray his rotors and underneath his car with salt water every morning.
>>703658713
All theoretical at this point, anon. I mean, OP probably made this whole thing up, right?
And minimizing risk is always preferable to not. Thus, covert ops
Get some engineers blue off eBay etc then smear it under his door handle of said car, wear gloves and don't get any on you as it don't come off for weeks ... He will not know where it come from
spray rubbing alcohol in every crevice and tires. it might take a while but itll dry out the rubber seals. so if it rain water will leak into car
>>703651089
I've smeared someones whole car with several tubs of vaseline. It's very hard to get off.
Cling-wrapping someones car is also a fun way to fuck with somebody but these are too cheeky for you.
easy mode- Put dog shit ( or yours as long as it's fresh) on his door handles. on a friday.. He'll walk out and upon reaching his car, won't be able to go home yet as he won't likely touch his door handles as long as they've got poop on them.
Hardmode- Break into his car (it's a honda accord that's not bad depending on year) and fill his car with as many birds as you can. You can buy a finch for about a dollar, pigeons are easy to catch.Maybe a chicken or two. A good twenty birds in there, then fill it with about 10.lbs of bird seed everywhere.
here's a fun fact birds shit all the fucking time. I've worked with a lot of them in my day and boy howdy can they shit.
It's so creative, nobody's ever that mad and when they tell people. " there was thirty birds in my car when i got off work" they laugh. The poor bastard doesn't even get the hugs he needs because people just love it.
Can't do wrong with a bird
>>703652122
only about 9-10% of americans arent allergic to poison ivy, odds are he is
>>703659025
That's why you bus to work for a while. Do you honestly imagine this guy goes to sleep at night thinking "fuck that silver impala with license plate 123-XXY4"?
If this happened quite a while back as you say, he'll come out from work one day and see his car all fucked up. But that 123-XXY4 silver impala won't be anywhere around, if he even remembers who he scratched at all. And you'll just be one of (I'm sure out of a few) the guys who commutes to work using public transport. And after a bit, you start driving your "brand new" black impala to work. Bonus points for getting new plates. He will never connect the car he keyed to a car that just shows up one day several months later.
Dont know if it was suggested, but I'd say put a crane on his car.. Takes a crane to get it off
>>703659533
>fill his car with as many birds as you can
Fucking savage. Many keks
>>703651089
Go fucking hardcore mode and just find his car and slash all the tires then clog his exhaust. Also put some sugar in his gas tank or pay some negros to steal all his rims and tires leaving his car on bricks.
>>703651089
Where d'ya live, mate? You want I should just toss the lout for ya?
Engineers blue...
>>703660178
In a highly white area, niggers are hard to come by
>>703653223
That is a good one. Or silicone spray.
>>703651089
>figure out who drives that car
>become friends while hiding your car-identity
>go out as best buds for some drinks, and make sure that you take the bus or something to the bar
>get him shit-faced while you secretly get virgin cocktails or alcohol-free beers
>offer to drive him home
>do just that
>after he is inside, key the fuck out of the car, maybe even tear off the driver's side mirror
>take a taxi home
>early text him and ask if he is OK
>explain that you had to drive him home because of how black out drunk he was
>that he tried to open the car door but slipped, and while falling, keyed the shit out of his car and knocked off the mirror
>>703654750
Insert sentence here. It usually takes a crane to get it out.
OP you know clear as day that HE is the one who keyed your car
Explain it to a higher up at your job. When he gets asked about it and goes,
>YEAH BUT HE BOXED ME IN
he's going to look like a fucking manchild for thinking KEYING A CAR is an appropriate course of action. He also flat out parked like an asshole so there isn't much he can expect, which you can also explain.
I don't know what you expect. Go kick his ass or go get him fired. Don't start some passive-aggressive bullshit, that's what women do and that's how you'll end up with your brake lines clipped before you know it.
GET THIS FAGGOT FIRED
OR
KICK HIS ASS
VERY SIMPLE
Best thing to do is to park your car like that again but make cure you get his vandalism on camera. One he does it again take it to the cops. There is no better revenge that getting him fined by the cops and claim your repair costs.
jam a small screw in between brake rotor and pad. once he pushes the brake itlll imbed the screw into pad. screw will then fuck up the rotor and make horrible noise whenever he brakes
>>703660420
why not just fuck his wife?
Buy destructible stickers, they're meant for tamper proof labels so they are near impossible to remove. It's a super weak paper with crazy strong adhesive so when you peel it, it tears into tiny pieces. Pic related
faggots saying putting stuff in his tank. He can't get to it under normal means. This has to be outer car payback.
epoxy/bondo his doors or windshield wipers.
Ducttape windows.
Remove his license plate.
Clip the wires on his back brake lights.
Could always hammer the shit out of the car with a stilletto and then leave it just hanging there in the side of the panel.
Puts suspicion on a woman.
Any kind of acid that eats through the paint is always good.
Thought about expanding foam? Been used on a few speeding cameras and it just rips it apart and knackers it.
Super glue the fuel cap shut?
>What about following him and finding out where he lives?
>>703660661
>he's going to look like a fucking manchild for thinking KEYING A CAR is an appropriate course of action
And if OP were to beat the shit out of this guy, anon could get OP ARRESTED for assault. The in court, OP says "Yeah, but he keyed my car!" and the judge will look at him like a manchild for thinking ASSAULT is an appropriate course of action in retaliation to property damage. Sorry, bro, but your logic is a bit flawed.
>>703660925
>>703659025
but the pain which you suffer has one main source: you know it was him and he is not interessted in this fact. it is not the scratch on your car... it is his disbelief in your ability to do something against it. if you want revenge he has to know that it was you at some point.
>>703660661
Unfortunately, i don't even know what he looks like, or if it's a he. He works in another office in the office park. I'd have to stake out his car, which is doable, but that would also be suspicious, and I don't want anyone associating me with anythinf suspicious when i finally pull off whatever i end up doing.
>>703651089
brake fluid fucks up the paint permanently.
>>703660661
People in this thread recommending extensive planning and means of revenge aren't going to help you.
By fighting fire with fire, you're risking both the well-being of your car and your JOB. OP, do you understand that if you bring this to the next level it could result in BOTH OF YOU losing your job? No company wants to put up with fucking children.
I really can't stress it enough to handle this maturely and legally, as this is what gets people fuming the most.
Get him vandalizing your car on camera if possible, and if that's not possible then take the pictures you have to your boss. There isn't much else of an explanation to come from those pictures.
>>703655967
This
>>703660925
I thought about this! I had no idea what to even look for, but i love the idea of sticking an adhesive so strong to his car it'll pull paint off if he tries to do anything about it.
If i could get them custom made, i could even write "I PARK LIKE I'M BLIND" or some such on them and put them everywhere
>>703661420
fuck off whiteknight faggot there is no girls here
>>703661324
if he works in another parking complex, just get one of those emergency window picks. spiderwebs saftey glass to be broken. shouldn't set off a car alarm. all five windows. or just remove his plates. toss them out. he'll get ticketed for not having plates.
smear shit into the inlet of his air conditioning / fan system.
Superglue ball bearings to the inside of the valve caps on his tyres.. 4 x slow puncture. Alternatively pretend to be him on /b/ saying you're attracted to a local schoolgirl (better if he's related) and don't know what to do. Post a pic of the girl with something like a school logo as an identifier and let /b/ do it's handiwork.
>>703661043
Oooh man, following him to vandalize his home? I wish i could, but it poses way more risks than I'm willing to take. Love the enthusiasm, though
>>703651855
hey you stupid weak autist
/o/ here
>shit/piss milk/eggs down the intake between the hood and windshield
>>703652549
You mean gloves?
>put air bubble liquid in his water tank
>if you can get into car, put dry hardcore chili powder inside the vents; could even make the powder moist and then line the inside of his door handle with it
>take one of the fart smell gag tubes and lace his driver side window with it. he won't be able to drive with his window open without that stank coming right into his nose. even better, you can line the air intake with it
>>703651089
Walk up ask for his insurance make a claim and make sure the insurance knows it's getting fixed how you want where you want. Screw that fagot. I drive a somewhat rare car and this shit grinds my gears.
>>703661731
Or just an egg into the vent intake by the windshield.. It will rot..almost impossible to clean..
>>703661271
Only if i let my ego get involved, and I'm totally capable of staying objective. I don't care if he knows it was me, but i do care that he suffers greatly.
>>703661836
also if you're really mad
>wd40 on brake pads and rotor
>locktite on any nut/bolt you can find
>>703661560
>white knight
Do you even know what that term means
>>703655571
>rape him
kek
>>703651089
He's clearly a dumb fuck. Make his day hell and him feel like a P.O.S. while getting your car fixed on his dollar. Sounds like a good reason to knock up his wife to and make him rause your baby.
>>703662312
>>703661938
these honestly
>if you have some shreds of evidence
>>703661822
Trying to get /b/ to not be NYPA will only end in my downfall. This is why i didn't post any actual pictures of the perp. I love you guys, but i trust you as far as i can throw you
Write the guy a letter explaining that you good-sumaritan-failed but you know it was him that keyed his car and can settle out of court for the cost of damage or you'll have him served & taken to small claims court for the cost of the damage. You would need proof he did it of course which you probably don't have so maybe just think things through before you attempt super-hero parking lot tactics.
>>703657405
i have witnessed the birth of a meme
>>703662445
Do it in a week or so, the chances of someone joining the dots are remote.
>>703651687
the crane can just lift itself out you idiot
>>703662541
This is my problem, i have no evidence that a court would side with me over.
Thus, vigilante justice
>>703651089
Ceremic screw in the tire, sugar in the gas tank or oil if you can manage to get to them. Also in the future get the tag number of the faggot and report to police.
>>703662420
>if
OP has clearly stated that there are no cameras in the parking complex. Just because OP KNOWS who did it, does not mean he can PROVE who did it. This is what necessitates guerilla warfare. If OP makes any claims, be it to a judge, boss, or insurance worker, he must prove that it was this asshole anon who did the damage. If he makes claims without proof, the law will not help him and now asshole anon knows personally who OP is. Shady, underhanded tactics are the only way to get revenge.
>>703653444
Check'd and kek'd
>>703651089
How about not being an immature butch and instead of pranks telling him he's going to be eating through a straw if he comes near your car... oh wait you let months go by and he knows you're a pussy already
>>703654444
CHECKEM
Rape his wife, if he doesn't have a wife rape him.
WD-40 his brakes. chances are, in a parking garage, they'll fuck up before he's in an environemnt to go fast.
op better start a new thread with pics tommorow
>>703663012
OP here, thank you for lucidly laying out my exact predicament. All these "just kick his ass" replies are no help at all
>>703663063
You have no idea how much lawyers and judges are just *itching* to fuck you over, do you?
put a crane in his pool. heard it takes a mattress to get it out
>>703663149
I will definitely document the wins that come of this. May be a while, though. Be patient, my /b/
>>703653624
Jävla svenne
>>703663348
Spineless cuck alert. I've been there and done it. If the guy is juvenile enough to key your car he'll fold under pressure and let him prove it was you who laid a bat over his kneecaps.
>>703663240
I'm just trying to help, /b/ro. Like I said before, sugar his tank, key his shit, paint his windows and lay low for a bit. He'll never know it was you.
>>703651089
Drink your own piss, I heard it takes a crane to get out.
>>703663901
And what if it's a woman? What then?
>>703651089
Do the same thing again. Park super close to him and he'll be tempted to key your car again. Set up a way to film it, and if he does you can take it to court.
If he doesn't key it, it means you've won because you didn't back down and he's a pussy.
Of course, this would mean you have to risk getting keyed again.
>>703651089
1. Buy 2 burner phones, and bomb making materials over time and possibly in places that cannot be connected later to you, research on that a first, take your time and use someones WiFi, preferably not near your home
2. Build a bomb, make it look as scary as possible, not prints and no way to link it to you, build it in some other location than your home, it should be activated by one of the burners, make it with an "arm" switch, so that you dont fucking blow yourself up
3. When you are ready, take care of the cameras in the parking lot if there are any, and make sure they won't be fixed soon
4. Wait several days before next stages
5. Break into his trunk, put bomb there, and break one of his tail lights slightly
6. Use burner phone from the area of your office to call 911 and inform them of the really suspicious man you saw entering the parking lot, with a broken car
7. Dump phone, and find a place to watch lulz, I'd prefer to take a day off on that day, and sit nearby in some cafe as the lulz emerge
Good luck anon
>>703657405
Takes a crane to get it out. Good thinking
>>703651089
Grow the fuck up.
>>703664011
I hadn't thought of that. I guess just let it be and accept that as a white cisgendered male you're powerless in that kind of situation.
Just kidding just follow her home and rape her.
>>703653317
bump for this
>>703656033
if you slash 3, sometimes the insurance companies wont pay for it.
>>703664089
thats some fucked up shit
>>703651089
>you degenerates
>posts the most degenerated story i've seen here for ages
>>703664378
potential
>>703651089
Bb gun pellets and a drop of superglue in the valve caps on all four tires. Once you screw it back on it will depress the needle and air will leak out slowly. They stop and refill, everything looks fine, putt cap back on and it starts to leak again. Tireshops have replaced tires because of this and reused the old valves and cap making people go completely nuts because they still have a flat tire the next morning. Do this to everyone that parks like an asshole, every day.
>>703664674
>takin it oldschool
>>703651687
you imbecil
it takes a mattress to get it out
>>703651089
Pour like a cup of sugar into his gas tank. That will do the trick
>>703663901
>>703664281
>"I know you keyed my car, faggot"
>proceeds to break kneecaps with baseball bat
>"prove it was me, bitch"
>"911, what's your emergency?"
>"some fucking psycho followed me home, broke into my house, and broke my legs with a bat. He's white, about 30 years old, and 6 feet tall. He drove off in a red anonmobile"
>"okay, sir, we're dispatching an ambulance to your location and alerting police officers in your area."
Great idea, retard.
>>703664674
This is the best and most sane suggestion
>>703651089
get some spraypaint and draw a dick (not too big) on his windsheild. he'll look like an ass and he'll be annoyed
>>703664089
pure evil
i like it
Slash three tires. Insurance only pays for 4 at once.
>>703651089
If his car is a diesel, put petrol in it, if his car is a petrol, put diesel in it
>>703665260
Or get some paint and a roll of duct tape.
Put the tape on his windshield in the shape of a dick, spraypaint his whole windshield, then remove the tape. He'll drive down the road looking through the edge of the shaft of a dick stenciled onto his car.
OP, please. Be smart. Wait a few months. Park a few rows away and wait for him to come out. Follow him to where he lives. Sit outside for a week or so observing his behavior, find out when he kinda goes out on his own. Possibilities are:
Maybe he jogs
Hiking?
Frequents a bar and leaves pretty late at night
Use your brain.
Buy a bullshit couch off of craigslist, get a van rental to move it. Throw the couch away, use the van to take him. This is where you can get creative again.
Throw him in your basement, rape him for years before he is totally mind broken.
Just straight up murder him. Toss him in a quarry.
Keep him blindfolded, cut off his limbs, his tongue, and his eyes. Drop the nugget off at a vet hospital (Fewer cameras + they can probably stabilize him there).
Idk, go crazy.
Document it for 4chan
Or just don't be an asshole and not expect some other asshole to key your shit.
>>703665874
This!
>>703652936
topkek
>>703651089
Too easy, sugar in the gas tank. You don't have to worry about his car anymore
Lick a jolly rancher and stick it on his window.
>>703666144
>Or just don't be an asshole
I bet you're the douche bag in the Honda Accord, aren't you?
>>703652297
Paint his car a different color, rent a pickup truck, and move it to a different spot. He'll think his car was stolen, and when you tell him that you moved it and he has to find it, he'll be pissed.
Jump him and spray him in the face with black paint. Report him for minor offence
>>703666573
>when you tell him that you moved it
>>703661823
Powdered milk on lawn
>>703651089
If you don't give a fuck then pour brake fluid all over his car, it will eat the paint off and soak into the metal he will never be able to paint it again and the only thing that will stop it from rusting to death in a week will be tar, for added lulz you can use a brush to paint a giant cock over the car.
>>703654781
Brake fluid is the kiddy.
break an egg near the wiper base; the more close to the air filter the better. This will make his car smell like rotten eggs for months.
>>703651089
>>well, like the passive-aggressive autist that i am, i say "fuck you, I'm parking there. I don't care if you have to crawl in through the passenger seat.
This is where you went wrong. You courted disaster. The thing to do would have been to park somewhere else, and then do something to his car, something very annoying but preferably not permanently damaging. Such as look up stopxam on youtube and see what they do.
Now though, your best course of action is probably to turn the other cheek.
One other thing to consider... have you ever parked in a shitty way, because it was next to a guy who was already parked shitty and so you were forced to? Well imagine that guy leaves, and so to the next people who drive by, it looks like YOU are the asshole parker. And then they key your car. Something to keep in mind before you go vigilante, to make sure the person truly is guilty.
>>703651089
Key car back, screws through tyres(not too often or he'll suspect), dog shit on car door handle. These are just some suggestions. Do those, or just get too your fucking work early
slash 1 tire. make sure u slash sidewall. cant plug it so he has to buy new tire. wait few days. slash new tire. keep goin until he's bankrupt from buying tires
Put water into the gas tank... I dont know if you can open Accords just by pushing
>>703666500
Nice dubs, but being an asshole to an asshole elicits an asshole response. Best way to not to have stupid shit done to you is to avoid exposing yourself to stupid shits. OP should've just key'd assholes shit, not parked right next to him.
>>703659533
If you've got any sort of car smarts, its not hard to do shit. Use something like a screwdriver to punch a hole in the exhaust, then mess the hole up with pliers (make sure all the metal bends up into the exhaust). Makes it look something kicked up under the car.
Or go under the other end and cut 3/4 of the way through a belt (again, try to make it a ragged edge). No one ever checks their belts until its too late.
Can do the same to a hose, but they tend to leak everywhere, makes it too obvious.
heres a non destuctive idea but really annoying. peel off wheel weights from the rim. wheels become unbalanced and super annoying when he gets moving. really bad when on the highway
>>703651089
Why don't you get them to just draw the lines smaller? You could fit a fucking bus in there!!
This is simple, follow him home, slash 3 of his 4 tires, setup a camera, once he realises that insurance wont pay out unless all 4 are slashed he will slash his own tire, if you catch this on film and send it to his insurance company he is fucked for life
Find out where he lives and slowly deteriourate all of his relationships.
>he has a younger daughter/sister?
>sneak in (you must study his patterns)
>put their pantys and bras in his room.
Or
>he has a wife / gf?
>put your boxers or whatever in her room/between her laundry
>condoms
>other hints to cukcery
Why do something that's 10 minute prank tier when you can possibly send him down a route of severe depression and hardship?
>>703658112
>Can't prove he did it.
What if he didn't do it?
Put sugar in the gas tank. Takes a crane to get it out.
put ur mom in his bathtub, it usually takes 3 cranes to get her out
>>703664089
Step 8
>terrorist attack on your workplace
>all uh akbar
>>703651089
You're a fucking retard for not reporting the incident WHEN IT HAPPENED. Should have called the insurance and had a picture of how you were forced to park too (if that was possible).
Brutally rape him and whipe your shit dick off his car. Fuckin' owned nerd.
u could put a mattress in a crane cause it'll take a pool to get it out. thats what i heard anyway
>>703652936
Nice way to spend the rest of your life in jail for murder when there's but a single trace that can lead back to OP.
>10/10 would recommend
>>703667602
>>703667129
I was fully within the lines of my parking space. He was well over his. How was i an asshole here?
Super glue/epoxy resin his tyre valve caps on. He won't notice it for weeks but he'll be fucked next time he tries to put air in. Glue shut his fuel cap. Vaseline on his wiper blades. Dog shit on his door handles. Crack a window, pour piss all over his car interior, spray it on ceiling upholstery. Get a window punch, smash all his windows. Cut his aerial off. Smash his wing mirrors. Spray polyurethane foam into the radiator
>>703662573
Newfag
>>703651089
Wait for him to leave a window open or a door unlocked and have some Doe-in-heat urine. Buy it at your local sporting goods store. Pour it all over his seats. The smell will just about literally never come out. Maybe use a turkey baster or something to apply it.
>>703651089
get 2 floor jacks, you can buy them at just about any auto store. jack the car up and you can push it. push it into a tight spot
>>703664089
Also, if you want to take it to the next level, find an abandoned/rent anonymously a shady place, where nobody frequents, and make it look like the place where he planned the bombing, buy a cheap laptop, leave it there and create a cover timeline on it, align with the bomb building (visiting shady websites associated with terrorism and stuff), leave shitty blueprint of the bomb, building materials, and most important - you will need to stalk him, break into his house for quite some time and steal stuff to put in that place, plant as much evidence as possible which will imply he was spending time there, try to align the timeline as much as you can with times he is alone somewhere (jogging, going for a walk), you need to put a lot of stuff there with his prints.
An important thing to leave there is the place of bombing, take photos of this place, and put them there, leave another camera with your sd card there, when taking photos, try to take them in "strategic places", and on printed ones, mark up cameras, access points stuff like that.
The place should be a something with significance, and possibly a lot of people.
To link him to this place, have something delivered there, and leave the receipt either somewhere in his car, or in his house, both is a good idea.
This kind of plan will take time, and the more time you invest in it, the more realistic this will become.
For papers you leave there, use blank papers from the office that he touched.
I'd seriuously do this just for the keks and amusement, aside from making the fucker pay.
The answer to your problem is pretty obvious. Find out where he lives and kill his family and dog. Jeez, what is wrong with you?
>>703669193
Austin Powers it - wedge it in somewhere
>>703651089
Tie his bumper to the wall so when he pulls away, it rips clean off.
>>703651089
Just hire several black youths to accuse him of racism outside the workplace.
Quit your job and study for a higher paying job. Buy out your old company and fire him. Then resign and go back to your current job. Park in peace.
>>703651089
Hey Asshole
Guess what
That is my car, and this forum is saved on my pc.
Have fun
>>703651687
My fucking sides
>>703652287
You obviously don't understand the need to casue suffering over something petty
>>703669083
Yeah, but why was HE parked over the line?
There is a reason we have trials and innocent until proven guilty, and don't just allow the police to throw people in prison or seize stuff because they were "pretty sure" they were guilty.
If you saw the guy key your car that's. One thing. Otherwise, there's always a chance of attacking the innocent.
>>703661823
Depends how you do it.
Obv if he has family then it is hard to do espc with neighbours, if a flat kinda screwed and if only attack at night could shoot you so options are limited.
Is the car parking underground or like the pic you shown?
>>703661043
I could've sworn that was one of those edits where the kid says something to his dad and he jumps out a window.
>>703658726
Except you're forgetting that OP needs the keys to do this. Oil goes straight into the engine, don't forget to turn 180 degrees and walk away
>>703669655
Nice Bait
Get a fucking glass cutter and fuck up his mirrors
>>703652049
>no cameras
>carefully avoids any encounters so no obvious motive in retrospect
>has thought about this for months
>wants him to pay
Sounds like you should just kill him tbh. I recommend piano wire
>>703651089
Sugar in the gas tank everytime you see his car
>>703666971
underrated post.
Also: put a bunch of bread crumbs on his car and lure a couple pidgeons in there. They'll shit over his roof. Pidgeons shit where they eat. They're fucking disguisting really. Did you know, for instance, that that's actually the reason why they often have 1 leg, or are limping? Their shits pile up on their own feet and the acid in their fecal matter deteriorates the limb. Now thats some shit.
>>703671026
>>703651089
>>703651089
>>703651089
>>703651089
It's a MK4 Jetta. Just let it sit. It'll fuck it self up.
Put a nail right up agents his Tire so when he backs out it punctured the tire he will just think he ran it over and it can be done as many times as you want
>>703669960
It doesn't matter WHY he was parked over the line. The fact is, that asshole anon parked like an asshole, and OP parked next to him, blocking him in. Neither of those things are crimes, but it's asshole anon (presumably) who defamed OP's property. Regardless of how people were parked, OP did not do anything against the law, yet suffered consequences that are against the law.
Realistically this is the best solution so long as you use relatively high concentration shit and squirt it out of disposable bottles casually as you roll by. If you are obvious with any of these approaches, and get caught, no one will care that he keyed your shit first. You will be arrested/fined/fired/etc.
Whatever you do, it needs to be fast as you walk by.
(Also, don't get that shit on your clothes/skin if you use high %)
>>703651089
This is the shit that bothers me too. If you don't catch them in the act of shitty parking, there is nothing you can do.
Niggers and women park the worst. Niggers like to double park on handicap parking spaces and have no handicap signs on their 300s, mercedes and escalades.
>>703651567
I read and laughed out loud, nice anon! I do agree
>>703657374
Just a thought. If it forces him to change the fuel filter a few times down the line. Wouldn't that be good for OP? I mean spreading out little issues is going to piss him off. But with the delay, it would be harder for him to know exactly when it happened. Maybe OP should stick to a variety of small things that over time add up. Any delay would be better to avoid confrontation.
So for the break fluid, go for doing it towards the lunch or end of the shift. For the proxide, dont neglect the undercarriage. That way when he goes to the shop, he'll be getting bad news and large estimates. Suppliment it with mild irritants too.
Put superglue in his door locks
>>703651855
dubs confim master plan
>>703651089
Brake fluid (like DOT 3, 4 or 5.1) on the paint do the job ;)
Remove the cotter pins from the driven axles of his car.
Swap his license plate with another car who also parks like shit.
Kill him.
>>703654658
If you really want to be safe, key your own car too. Make sure you park next to his.
>>703659533
Unless they die, lol.
>>703671731
Not a bad idea.
OP, this would also prevent him from recognizing that he has a flat prior to starting the car--which makes it look less like a deliberate act on your part.
This thread is gold.
Here's a quite subtle way to fuck him up.
buy some krazy glue. with a little oral syringe, inject the krazy glue into his ignition hole. if you wanna fuck it up a little more, put krazy glue on anything thats important to starting the car, or at least getting in it. also, try to paint over the krazy glue so they dont know it actually is glue, and dont remove it.
>watch as the fucker panics on why he cant open his car door
bump
A capfull of motor oil on the windshield gives bad parkers something to think about while they find some soap and water to wash the shit off the windshield after they turned on the wipers and made a huge mess of it.
>>703651855
"professional" goof off
comes in a tiny seal-able container.
just a couple dots here and there
itll eat through the paint. but slowly make the spots bigger, or more sporadic.
before too long he has a polka dot car.
Op if you do ever decide to do something take save it and post it a few months after you do it
>>703651089
MMMmMMmmMm this could give you an idea.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GI4rwSqrEk
Spanish olives in the gas tank. The olive will disenegrate and the pits will be sucked into the vacuum lines eventually and every time he gasses the car it will stall. He will spend much money.
>>703651089
Burn his car, they only way you win this is being more insane then the other person.
>>703678391
This idea is way better than all other faggot gay shit.
Slash Tired from sides so they can't patch them. Superglue their door handles, and spray paint their windshield, BONUS points for spraying car itself, since a paint remover wil lremove car's pain.
Dump a bottle of liquid ass into the air intake for the air conditioner located at the bottom of the windshield.
Take shit and or diarrhea and put it in his exhaust pipe/ air filter for the A/C.
Drain Transmission Fluid
get that washable window paint and write "I park like an asshole" on every window
>>703654473
i get this shit on me daily, you dont need gloves
>>703670057
>need keys
>to go under the engine and remove the oil plug
wait for winter, break a few windows in his car, pour a bucket of water on the dash.
>>703651089
man that fucker scratching up ur car. fucking dog, get fish and blend, tip into the air vents at the front of the car between the window and bonnet. 10/10 will destroy the value of his car to about 200 bucks, about what a kid would pay to have a car for doing burnouts in, the smell will never leave. tip a decent amount of petrol down his exhaust pipe, mix a little diesel in there to fuck his exhaust up, do not stand behind the car when its started or running. tip paint stripper on the roof, dont worry about doors n stuff, cos you can unbolt them easy, but the roof means the car needs a respray. if you smash the white ceramic off some spark plugs then throw the pieces of white chip at a window hard enough they will cause the window to instantly shatter. anyway i hope this helps i hate fuckers rekting other peoples shit.
>>703653169
>be me
>today
>neighbor cuts my bushes that stuck out in the alley a bit
>fucks dropped the branches in my 150 something year old next door ladys lawn
>grab all the fucking branches and drop them in the shitty neighbors back yard.
The women came by asked me if she could ask me a question asked if i dropped the shit in her yard .
I just asked why she would think it is okay to cut my plants trow the branches in my neighbors yard who s lawnmower is gone get fucked up by the sticks.
Bitch sends her bf over , fucking told him he shouldn't half ass his vandalism and process the branches.
He kept saying i was right, told him he doesn't have to call the housing ownership guys, and yelled at him he should just put a note in the mailbox like civilized ppl.
If any one does any thing to me the next couple days im gone burn the branch clipping assholes house , i shall not be fucked with any more!!!
Sugar in gas tank. Or bouncy ball in gas tank
>>703653624
Rent a steamroller, park neatly in the left parking spot.
>>703651089
Buy a dashcam+sidecam and box him in again.
>>703651089
Go to dicks and buy "Doe Estrous" Its female deer hormones concentrated in a bottle and smells like Satans asshole.
Pour into cabin air intake, by windshield. Look up specific spot based on type of car.
I GUARANTEE they will not keep the car longer than 1 week.
>>703662235
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3528236/Male-Norwegian-politician-raped-asylum-seeker-says-feels-GUILTY-attacker-deported-man-suffer-Somalia.html
>>703679517
Whatever you took, I want some
Piss in everything
Piss in his fuel tank
Piss in his window wiper fluid
Piss all over the engine
Fine purely awful smellng things, ideally rotting meats and put them on his engine. He will have the smell of rotten meat while driving until he figures it out. AND it'll linger.
>>703659533
This but also put a few feral cats with them
go to walmart or any parts store and get a valve core remover, unscrew the valve stem cores on his tires so they just barely hiss air out, and put the caps back on loosely. The goal is to not be able to hear them losing air when you're standing next to it. Dude will need to air up every day or two.
Alternatively, get some loctite and glue the stem caps on after deflating the tires.
Put some superglue in his keyhole. Not that keyhole you faggot! In his car's keyhole. Make sure its not obvious from the outside. He will think that his key has just gone bad and not link it to you. It's fucking hilarious to see someone go through this. They swear it's their key.
Someone should save this golden thread.
>>703652049
>set up dashcam
>park obnoxiously close again
>dickhead parker gets pissed and fucks up your car worse
>send video to police
>???
>profit
>>703651687
Crane in his crane heard it takes a crane to crane it out.
>>703682667
That would work , you would get a new paint job out of it.
Doesnt excludes you from burning his car later.
Shimmy one of those bouncy balls from a gumball machine down into his gas tank, it'll float while gas isn't being suck but will stall the car every so often.
>>703651089
Vandal grease
Stick on door handles, key holes, wind screen wipers etc. It's a royal pain to remove and will get everywhere.
>>703679484
Revenge is a dice best served cold.
