Wierd shit you did as a kid thread
>Put ketchup on bread and ate it
>Hold my shit in as long as possible to get the biggest shits I could
>Openly have boners around my family
>Masterbate by running my knuckles across my glans.
>Would pretend to be a nazi
What about you anon
same
This thread need to live!
> Start School Riots
> Throw a school desk at another child
> Throw buckets at other children
> Threw a chair at another child
> Spill dirty water from my watercolors in my teacher's face
> Generally being a complete autistic retard
>>767841801
>Masterbate by running my knuckles across my glans.
>>767842279
>>767841801
Holy shit. Are you me?
Niceeeee
>>767841801
>Be in grammar school. 4th grade
>Realize that the radiators are on the wall in the last toilet stall
>Need to piss
>Piss on radiator
>Hallway smelled like burnt piss
>Do this every time I had to pee for three years
Picture is hilarious, but not related
>Put ketchup on bread because it tastes good (still do)
>Hold my shit as long as possible because it feels good (am not gay tho)
idk
>fap to lady gaga videos
>Pretend to be mario from mario 64 arm movelents when running, everything
>watch girls pee up in my treehouse
>eat ice like it was a real snack
>watched cake farts when I was like 6 all the time
>>767841801
I do all of that as an adult though.
>>767842257
that's just antisocial
>>767842507
At my school, kids used to piss on the bathroom door and especially the door handle. That whole corridor smelled like piss. One kid took a shit on the floor.
>dug up worms, tied them in knots into a circle and wore it as a necklace
>at one point I had several dozen worm necklaces hidden away and I “polished” and wore them all at once around each limb while naked
>tfw Worm God
i grew up on a farm
began to tie goats up and spread the pussy open with my hands, ive tried all sorts of things, when growing up i pretty much had my dick in my whole farm. i tried shoving apples into one horses vag i got in 6 and she loved it, dont know how they came out.
I always have and still do use my family’s swimming pool as a giant urinal when no one else is home.
>>767841801
>see how much spit i could pool in my mouth
>>767841801
>squirt toothpaste onto my dick to get a boner
>go to the toilet with friends, just piss into the toilet standing next to each other
>only put butter on one slice of bread when making a sandwich (still do this actually)
>>767841801
had a hot aunt and when i was staying at her house i'd masturbate in risky places hoping i'd get caught by her. i think she saw me doing it once. we'd always go on family vacations and i'd do the same thing. also smelled panties etc
>>767841801
> pee on my cat
> blowing boogers on my cat
> belive in saint peter
>>767842863
Why are you putting any butter on your sandwich?
>>767842802
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
I think I'll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones
Eensie weensy squeensy ones
See how they wiggle and squirm!Down goes the first one, down goes the second one
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
>>767842895
Just St. Peter? No other Saints?
>>767842648
forgot to add on
>used to swordfight with out dicks
>got boners from farts
>peed in same toilets with friends like it was an activity
>eat salt packets from mcdonalds
>eat salt really anywhere from my house to any restaurant, still do it to this day
>>767842970
This. Bread and butter is delicious but when you add other things it’s wrong.
>>767843057
Keep an eye on your blood pressure.
>instead of ketchup i put mustard on bread
I still use mustard for a lot of meals normal people wouldn't use it for.
>>767841801
>Be me 8 to 14 year old
>Go out the house Everytime when my parents fell asleep
>Go out to the local forest
>Lay on the ground watching the sky for 1-2 hours
>Get back home
>Repeat this every day
>>767841801
Your family enjoyed those times you showed off your little boners. Mommy would later touch herself all the time.
>Shit in bathtub while bathing, then try and throw it into toilet
>Hide under bed and pretend to be a dog when company came over
>Hide in the house (attic, crawlspace, closets) for extended periods of time (Longest was a day, no one noticed)
>Not speak for extremely long periods of time (Months, mostly no one noticed)
>Try and get lost in the woods (My sens of direction is too good, never succeeded)
>Travel long distances on foot for no reason
I was a fucked up kid. No one really noticed.
>fap in woods although I knew people were walking through it, I met quite a few shroom pickers and kids frolicking through woods
>fap in field of snow even though I could see by footprints people were walking through those aswell, I met two guys that made a fire 2 meters from the place I camed
>fap on a sea bunk even though I clearly saw people walking on on it, but I never met anyone on ut after I camed
>fap under a cliff although a rock could fall and kill me any moment
>fap in backyard, behind my furnace I use to cook chemicals
>trained stretching for months just to suck my dick
>told entire class I finnaly did it
>told entire class the truth I like to watch 10-14 yo girls, and that I often masturbate to the tought of raping a little girl
>cont
>>767841801
Okay, I've got a similar story to OP but I don't want to steal his gay ass thunder
>Be me, because of course I fucking am
>Just hit puberty and discovered masturbation
>Lotion feels good, but mom doesn't buy much so that's a rare treat
>In the shower one day, start wondering what else I could use instead of lotion
>My eyes spy the shampoo bottle
>And yes, oh yes anons, my heart skipped a beat as I began to pour a generous amount on my.hand and began pumping it
>Ow, ow that kind of stings but I like it
>Cum, wash up and laugh that my dick is perfumed
>Fast forward a few hours later before bed
>My dick hurts a bit, looks a little red but I guess I was hard on him in the shower
>Next morning, go to the bathroom and my dick is peeling it's skin like a fucking lizard
>Too afraid to ask Mom for help so I just start peeling the dead skin off
>mom leaves me when i was a kid
>started to live with my poor grandma
>starts selling vegetable to people in a pack
>i have almost 2$ a day from selling vegetables in the streets
>i keep the half of the income that i have everyday so that i can play videogames through renting a computer in a internet cafe.
>go home hungry and ask my grandma if we have a food
>grandma talks about how we should save money to buy some foods later on
>did not listen to grandma and still doing the shame shit for a year
>grandma isnt mad because she wanted to make me happy.
>realizes the sacrifice that she made after i moved with my mom.
>>767842804
More
>>767843316
this sounds weirdly lonely. like a really bizar movie
>>767843573
Would watch
>>767843340
>make homemade chloroform to force myself to sleep on nigths before tests
>stole a shitload of carcinogenic potassium dichromate from lab
>bought poppy seeds and told everyone I'll make a heroin empire from it, it turned out to be icelandic poppy
>cum in yoghurt and drink it afterward
>cried my tears out in front of aPE teacher just so bitch wouldn't fail me, I really didn't want to fo to prolonged summer school because of PE
>put flacid dick in ram skull, get erekt and stuck in skull until flacid again
>mfw all of the things I said were when I was 17
>mfw I'm 18 now
>mfw I will soon be able to work in any pharmacy/pharmaceutical company
>>767843639
Yes I would too.
>Would wander around hoping someone would kidnap and fuck me. No one ever did. ; _ ;
>>767841801
> Often constipated I used to stick fingers in butthole to take out the tires
> Tried to hunt and eat lizards and birds
> Fapped like crazy everywhere sometimes even in the car while driving back from school with parents
> Walked round the block with toy recorder and ask people shit bout what they were doing and stuff
I'll summarise some things I did when younger:
>piss on a dead rat's corpse my school didn't remove for a whole year, it kinda made it less susceptible to maggots
>when I went to shit, sometimes I had too much pleasure doing it what my dick went diamonds and jerked while shitting, I still do that today
>at the zebra crosses, I always stepped on the white lines cuz of autist behavior n shit
>I had a little paper bin in my room and whenever I felt too lazy to go to the bathroom I just shitted there
>>767841801
>be me
>be 12
>have tennis racket
>have rocks
>have neighbors
>hit rocks at neighbors
>rock hits neighbors daughter of 10
>she has permanent brain damage
>she used to be really beautiful now looks like retard fuck from goonies
>>767842507
yeah hilarious if you're a FUCKING NERD
>>767841801
>practice bowstaff skills in cul-de-sac with aluminum pole after watching the Matrix Reloaded
>>767842579
>>am not gay tho
You'll probably want to reassess that thought at some time in the near future anon
> tried to skip sportclasses by hiding my sport clothes in my backpack
> mom later finds out but doesnt get me in trouble for it
> crushed snailes with my cousin
> was sleeping over at my grandma with sis and another female cousin
> all sleeping in one bed, we started exploring each other bodies
> was very afraid of my grandparents dentures
> my sister "milked" me for a while when we took a bath together. she basicly rubbed my dick from behind while I was standing on all fours in the bathtube
> won in unreal tournament 2013 vs my father. he got mad and I was forbiden to use the computer for 24h
>>767841801
shook hands with a walmart employee when he was pointing at something for me. Can't even remember what exactly was it.
>>767843022
yes.
>>767843272
how are thing going nowadays?
>>767842257
>things that definitely happened: the post
looks like Bill Clinton
>>767843835
wtf are zebra crosses
>>767844329
I laughed. But why only him?
>>767843272
10/10 would recommend
>>767844413
haha good thanks, really helped with me because i started doing it with friend helped me ease myself into the social world basically made me less of an autist
>>767842507
people used to piss on the toilet paper so you couldn't take a shit.
>>767844184
> stood at a streetcrossing and took a random hand beside me
> wasnt my mums
> I freaked out and looked for my mum
> seeing her on the other side of the street
> she comes to get me while laughing the whole time
> always found this realy weird
> bullied some dude in middle school with my friends
> it went so far that he waited for us to beat him up and go have lunch afterwards because he couldn't escape us
> get up in the middle of the night and start watching TV
> parents cant do anything. I just do it again when I wake up and get bored
> went to sleep the other way around once. Head were my feet would have normaly been.
> wake up and cant find lightswitch. start screaming for help until my dad rushes in and I just go to sleep again.
>>767841801
>sexualized lions bec. of this scene for a while
Cuz theres no denying what them lions were getting up to and I was a little kid and watched the movie like every day.
>am circumcised, I used to pull the skin up and over the head of my penis and thought it looked like a paper grocery bag, then let it go and pretend the head of my penis was groceries coming out of the bag.
>I used to undress my sisters barbies and draw nipples and pubic hair on them.
> I fucking loved ninja turtles, and had the action figures that you opened the back of their shell and you could turn their head around to look like a regular turtle head and fold their limbs inside so they looked like regular turtles. Shit I forgot about those I got to find em on ebay or something.
>I used to want to be james bond, and a pilot, and a taxi driver.
> I used to chew the collar of my shirts and I was always walking around with a big ass wet spot down my chest.
>>767844858
forgot pic
>>767842340
HOLY Me are you shit
Is shit Holy Me you are
>>767843272
Are you me?
>>767843900
It was gods will ask any Christian
was a nazi
>>767841801
kill parent's cat
>>767844714
Retarded isn't weird.
>fapping as OP described
>also used shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream
>some days never step on a single crack
>some days step on every possible crack
>pretend to understand football
>develop vore, scat and diaper fetishes all involving female classmates as early as 4th grade
>try to get back seat on bus because we went airborne when we hit potholes
>Be me Fucking
>Not Giving
>nobody ever gave one
> had all the fucks
am dead
>>767842804
Greentext nigga
> be me
> 13 y/o
> Messed around in chat sites because no irl friends
> Was particularly fond of one server
> They posted really weird shit
> Like really weird
> Grab a gay porn video
> Post to chat bc why not there's been way worse
> Everyones like wow thats disgusting
> Laughs in evil
> Fast forward
> Dad works in IT, services laptop one day
> Checks internet history
> Sees gay porn and chat site
> Opens chat site
> I started a trend
> Everyone is posting creepy gay porn
> I'm 21 and my parents still think I'm gay
>>767844506
Hes talking about those cross walks that are are a series of white painted bars, rather than the cross walks that are just 2 parallel white lines running across the road.
Started multiple school cults, this was the first one
>Be in 4th grade
>Gym class is having jump roping unit
>We used real rope with knots on the end
>One day, my rope broke, leaving only a small knot in my hand
>Took it with me, after all what's an autistic freak like me supposed to do
>Named the small piece of rope "Ropy"
>When I brought it to class, everyone fucking exploded and named it the new class pet, ect
>Teacher didn't give a fuck, cuz we're in elementary so whatever
>We started creating a hierarchy, with Ropy as king and royal knights and all that
>I was the king's royal adviser, and I ruled from the shadows
>As the royal adviser, only I could interact with Ropy, giving me enormous power
>I used Ropy to get the front of the line and get extra lives in four square, life was great to me as the royal adviser, and people loved the break from the monotony
>Almost the entire class adored Ropy and happily accepted their new king
>Almost
>Introduce a new group, the villainous Anti-Ropy Party
>They didn't make any moves at first, but decided to strike silently when no one was watching
More?
>>767844714
The normiest post that ever normied in a asyd thread.
>>767844858
>>767844888
I firmly believe that Disney is almost solely responsible for the epidemic of furry fetishists in Gen Z and millenials.
>>767843489
Bad anon
>>767843682
Fuckin kek
>>767844414
Well, believe it or not, they actually did happen.
Got expelled from school in the first grade for most of this shit.
They were good times.
>>767846144
Kek more
>>767842257
why did you capitalize school and riots?
also you didn't start any school riots you fucking faggot
>>767841801
>>Put ketchup on bread and ate it
also done here
>>Hold my shit in as long as possible to get the biggest shits I could
also done here
>>Openly have boners around my family
never done
>>Masterbate by running my knuckles across my glans.
never done
>>Would pretend to be a nazi
also done here
>>767844714
Kill yourself
>spraypainted the neighbor's arborvitees lime green
>pulled the fire alarms in my elementary school
>put live rodents in the neighbors mailboxes
>put microwaved hotdogs up my pooper
>had sex under a bridge
>>767841801
>>Put ketchup on bread and ate it
still doing it sometimes, am i a kid now?
>>767842112
kek
>>767843489
Where did you live?
>>767841801
Great job on the OC anon. 10/10.
>used to put tissue paper in my underpants because it felt good
>>767846144
Part 2: The Kidnapping
>I kept Ropy in my desk when I leave school
>One day, one tragic, tragic day, I come to school to find Ropy is gone
>To avoid an all out panic, I hold out on telling the class (chaos isn't healthy for a captured king)
>During recess, I gather the most faithful knights of Ropy
>I notify them about Ropy's disappearance and ask the knights to secretly find and bring back Ropy
>I continue day as normal, but after lunch, one of my faithful knights, who will be known as Awesome, ceremoniously handed back our treasured king
>toofast.wot?
>Turns out that these knights did a full inquiry to find anyone who might be remotely disloyal to Ropy and searched both their desks and lockers (mind you this is 4th grade, so any results are impressive)
>Along with Ropy, Awesome gives me the name of whose locker it was in: Aaron
>Attacking Ropy will not go unpunished...
Cont...
>>767843682
>cried my tears out in front of aPE teacher just so bitch wouldn't fail me, I really didn't want to fo to prolonged summer school because of PE
no you were genuinely crying. you are a pathetic lardass and lying to yourself about motivations does not reflect ho other people see you.
pathetic pussy.
>>767841801
> pissed in shot glasses and put them in the freezer
> had a huge ass metal can of popcorn, having eaten the popcorn long ago, I kept the can around, pissed in it, spilled milk and other foods in there, so it would rot and pool up stink
> would invite friends over and show them the stink by opening up the can
> beat off in school bathroom while peers watched
So much I can recall at the moment.
>Masturbate for the first time
>Share everything with older sister
>Tell her about me masturbating
>Sister asks to see me do it
>Masturbate in front of own sister
>Didnt realize it was fucked until I turned 18ish
>>767847498
>didn't feel an urge to cry when grandma died
>didn't feel an urge to cry when my pet cat died which I loved more than my life
>my eyes were dry when I overheard conversation between some girl and girl I had a mad crush on for 3 years got in a relationship with some guy shem met because they share same first names
u just jelly I got out of prolonged summer school while your sad ass couldn't pass math for shit
>>767848146
Shit, I must have been missing on much, being an only child and all.
>>767841801
None of that is weird.
>>767847356
Part 3: Sweet Sweet Vengeance
>Our class has a final project about some book we read
>Instead of assigning partners, our teacher lets us pick partners
>I get with Awesome and some other loyal knights
>Aaron groups with his disloyal faction (class is so fucking divided at this point)
>I decide to take the whole project myself, therefore giving my partners time to act out our plan
>It started with taking his pencils out of his desk and moving them around the room
>Aaron and mates would get pissy that they can't find them, but would find them later anyways
>Teacher started getting pissed off with them as they would be disruptive in class, but teacher would just tell them to stop losing their pencils
>This goes on for a few weeks without end (they almost got caught a couple of times, but with whole class on our side, they were able to slip away)
>Finally it's the day the projects are due
>I nearly piss myself anticipating what will come
>Class starts with roll call and pledge, then we present projects
>I make sure a group of knights is first
>Within their presentation, is a "movie" which is just a sabotaged VHS tape, so it won't play
>Teacher is distracted trying to get this working, meanwhile another group of knights steal Aaron and mates project and take it to the bathroom to completely demolish it/destroy all evidence
>After they leave, my knights tell teacher they can do presentation without video and continue
>Eventually Arron's group comes up
>Arron and his disloyal mates start freaking the fuck out as their project is gone, they start blaming me (and rightfully so)
>Entire class is on my side
>Teacher loses patience and blames them as they have a reputation for losing shit
>The teacher has them stay after class to talk to them about the importance of the project and whatnot
>I convince my mom for us to have a party with my friends
>I end the year with an ice cream party in the park to celebrate Ropy's victory
>>767848600
Would you guys want more of Ropy? 5th grade gets a little more heated if you couldn't tell.
>>767841801
>trying zoophilic shit like having having a dog lick my dick
>trying to lick a cat's pussy
>masturbating with my left hand
>>767848600
Holy shit that is brainstorming on a level beyond my current self, let alone back in elementary.
>>767848868
Don't underestimate my knights
>>767841801
Open my butthole to Dora the explorer on the TV
>>767848707
Go on
>>767841801
>only spoke in asl for a month bc i got tired of speaking
>rubbed lavander essence oil between my crack and asshole before going out bc i wanted to be sure i smelled good in case a boy fucked me
>made duct tape dildos
not the brightest of boys
>>767844184
bitch fucking elaborate on the milking and the exploring
>>767841801
I was only making friends with women
Now I'm 25 and I have absolutely no friends and issues with making new friends.
>>767843757
i know that feel
>be 10
>don't understand sex yet
>know what vibrators are though
>idea.jpg
>boot up tony hawks pro skater 3
>enter infinite grind cheat
>grind round and a bowl so controller vibrates hands free
>put controller on willy
>feels good
>keep going
>feels like I'm gunna pee but in a good way
>turn off ps2 , stand in the middle of my room and piss myself
>doesn't feel good like it was supposed to
>fuck
>>767850445
10 year olds probably can't even cum you lying cunt.
>>767844271
>peak autism
>>767842579
Can confirm holding your shit in feels good, I always loved to do it while I was looking at something really interesting
>>767848707
Part 4: The Bitchy Teach
>Be in 5th grade with Ropy
>Entire class is still loyal and popularity has grown
>Popularity has also grown for Anti-Ropy Party
>To keep Ropy safe, we secretly rotate Ropy between the knights and only bring him out ceremoniously to show Ropy is still alive
>This year's teacher doesn't like how divided the class is and finds out about Ropy
>Goes to me and demands I hand over Ropy
>I tell her I don't have it but I could give it to her later
>She tells me I have until the end of the day to hand over Ropy or she will have to start searching shit and increase security
>Back a recess, I meet with knights to discuss a plan
>One knight has a doctor appointment and can leave the whole afternoon
>youareoursavior.jpg
>Be at end of school
>Teacher ends class with a "demonstration" about inclusion
>She takes a piece of rope I gave her and burns it
>Whole class watches quietly for they know the truth
>Ropy went home with Awesome that night
>Think of a great way to reintroduce Ropy to the class
>Class has elected positions and whatnot
>One of which is class president
>voteforropy.gif
>Ropy won class president, but teacher tried to shut it down saying Ropy is gone ect
>Bitch, you don't know
>While she was explaining this, I walk up to the front of the room, pull Ropy out from my pocket and say
>"Ropy accepts this position, and as his first act, will rename class president to class king, all in favor say Aye"
>Ropy is now class king
>Teacher doesn't know what to do, but doesn't object
>Teacher is then tolerant with Ropy and doesn't try to hunt him
>Can't beat em, make em join you
Moar?
>>767850571
Have you ever been a 10 year old?
>>767850821
Not yet
>>767850821
Nah, I skipped that cuz I was mature for my age
>>767850821
No, I was promoted immediately to the age of 15 you retarded nigger.
>>767850571
I didn't cum, I peed myself, did you not read the story?
be me
i was an actual horrible child
ill just list some stuff
>always really wanted to kill my dad
>tormented my younger brother
>constantly fucked other kids my age
>CONSTANTLY fucked
>only males, even though i wasnt gay. they were just generally more willing to do sex stuff at that age
>one time one bit my dick
>later that morning the one that bit my dick randomly puked everywhere in the kitchen
>plenty o plenty of animal sex stuff
>fingered female dogs
>let dogs lick me until i cum
>thrust my dick inbetween couch/bed and cat laying there until i cum
>let male dogs violently fuck the shit out of me
>sucked male dog dick
>got throatfucked so hard by pitbull my throat bled
>would steal wads of hair our of my dads female friends hairbrushes and rub it on my dick until id cum then suck on the soggy ball of hair cum
>was involved in witchcraft at a very young age
>would touch myself when i heard my parents fucking
>would watch through door cracks
>sometimes would go outside and jerk off on plants
>only spoke very very proper grammar until i was around 11-12
>would piss into a toilet with siblings at the same time until i was like 6
>have sucked many a dick
>Would randomly turn the stove on and see how long until someone would notice
>poured water in lawnmower gas tanks when i was supposed to cut giant ass yard of grass for no pay
>have been facialed several times
>and facefucked
>and frotted, and afterwards the other guy came all over my dick and i used it as lube, then licked it all off of my hands
>attempted to fuck an old cat once
>fingered a cat until she came
>gave some kid head for so long he pissed on me
>would casually fuck random objects
>would collect animal bones ive found in the woods
>would put nails through ply wood, cover it with leaves and leave it in trails and shortcuts
>could keep going but now im bored and i wanna go play roblox
all of this is between the ages of 5 up to 17
>>767850803
>the absolute state of the Anti-Ropy Party
>Primary school in Japan/Niigata
>Less than 100 kids in the school
>Only foreign student in that god forgotten realm.
>This girl Emi wants to touch my hair all the time.
>We always walk back home together.
>If funds are sufficient, we would get some junk food at a Seven Eleven on our way back home.
>One day, we go to Seven Eleven, for the aforementioned junk foodstuffs.
>Emi says; 'I don't have money today, can you buy me a corn dog?'
>I proceed to buy.
>It's so naive, and romantic.
>Sun has an orange tint.
>Emi is content.
>I try to say something nice.
>"Haha, it resembles a penis, have you ever seen one?"
>Emi is petrified.
>I go back to Wisconsin after a year.
>Current day.
>Happen to find Emi on Instagram after the benis incident
>It's been 15 years.
>Emi recognizes me,
> 'Haha, corndog penis talk guy'
>I am shattered.
>>767851099
>feels like I'm gunna pee but in a good way
This sounds more like an orgasm without ejaculation.
Which again, is not possible in this age. T. medical doctor
>>767851306
kek
>>767846575
Because I am autistic, you illiterate fuck
>>767842802
I used to worship worms that I found in my garden.
I would do a mummifying process that involved vinegar and was a ceremony.
I had also nailed one to a plant and called it Jesus, but that was separate to the rituals.
>>767842863
When I was 4, I thought I had super telekinetic powers, because I could flex my nuts; but only at certain times.
I later found out this was a boner.
>>767850571
They can feel an ejaculation, but rarely ever anything comes out.
>>767843382
did this with a fleshlight.
peeling stuff off your dick for a few days is pretty funny
>>767851137
Tell some stories
>>767851137
More you sickfuck
>>767848600
Praise ropey new king of /b/!!! Accept or lose your pencils fuckers
>>767851687
How do you know that?
>>767841801
When nobody was home I used to put a little peanut butter on my taint so my dog would lick my ass for a few minutes
>>767851666
nice trips
>>767850177
>be me, soph in HS, closetfag
>mom's aunt and uncles house was being built, they moved into ours
>have cousin around same age
>we were forced to share my room, i had queen size bed so we shared bed too
>aunt got cousin young, aunt was a late 80s, 90s hoe
>kept a box of memoribilia clothes
>satin panties, shiny leather skirts and pants, etc
>used to always put the panties and pants on and jerk my cousin off while he slept
>one night, he woke up, moved his hand around while i had him balls deep in my mouth, felt my ass and put his hand on it, squeezed it, etc
>mumbled "dthis.. is... good dream"
>started snoring again
>think he was fake snoring tho
>would be really hot if he was aware of it
>they lived with us for a few months then moved out
>during those months, I ate his cum almost every night
>only downside was he farts in his sleep alot so I'd be sucking him off/stroking under the blanket and all of a sudden get fucking zyklon B'd
>be me, age 7
>be in my parents backyard at the time
>have a "weenie race" with a neighbourhood kid, probably around the age of 8
>his idea was that we would have our dongs hang over the top of our shorts and then race to my house
>mom scolds us when we were half way through
>I used to wipe my dick with toilet paper after I pissed.
>same kid as before, go over to his house to play video games
>he's got a psp
>watch him play spyro or some shit
>he gets bored and offers me to suck his dick
>???.jpg
>at the time I had no idea what sex what
>the kid gives me head
>feels awkward because I haven't hit puberty, nothing happens.
Liam, you were a weird child.
>>767851137
Whats your roblox username
>>767851137
>>would steal wads of hair our of my dads female friends hairbrushes and rub it on my dick until id cum then suck on the soggy ball of hair cum
>>767841801
>randomly lit wastebins on fire
>playing adult-games on Commodore C64 at the age of 8
>finding my father´s porn collection at the age of 9 and sharing the "insights" with all my friends
>shooting pigeons with a slingshot
>putting small amounts of potassium permanganate in the pockets of teachers jackets, when they hung it over their chair, when I was 14
>Visiting Turkey every summer.
>Wife and I plan to purchase a flat in Antalya city after so many visits.
>Wife loves the place, even made some friends.
>We proceed talking to a real estate agent.
>With the limited Turkish I know, I say; 'Merhaba.'
>It means hello.
>Real estate agent says that back.
>Feel like the Lawrence of Arabia
>Obtaining orgasmic pleasure to be able to say simple things in odd languages.
>Think out loud; 'Hehahe fucking nailed it.'
>Real estate agent plays it cool.
>Wife is not happy anymore.
>Tells me; 'Hey watch it, you can't swear that freely in countries like Turkey, people get offended you know.'
>Real estate agent goes like; 'No, it's okay, we actually swear a lot ourselv-
>Wife interrupts; 'But no, you can't just f-bomb like that, my husband is delusional.'
>I go out for a cigarette.
>Wife and agent talks about swearing dynamics of their own cultures for a good hour.
>>767841801
When I was like 9 or 10 I brought this girl to my house who was 13 and let her try out various sexual things with me, she eventually lost her virginity to me, I dated her for 3 yyears before my family moved, I miss her everyday.
I used to try and spin CDs on my face and see if they would play, ended up cutting my face
I taught myself to crabwalk and chase our dog
I used to put sugar on finger and snort it like cocaine, now I have nasal problems
>>767842507
3 years in the 4th grade? Jesus!
>>767843757
First world white nation problems :(
>>767851931
You guess
>>767852842
You're a child molester?
After all you're talking about "them", not just yourself
>>767852208 lmao scared to give out my roblox username on 4chan
>>767852997
No, I'm just speaking about a 10 year old me.
>>767850803
Part 5: The list
>We want to find out who is a part of the Anti-Ropy Party
>Get an idea
>Everyone gets a small piece of rope tied in a knot and tapes it to their chests
>Anti-Ropy Party flips out and rips them off ect
>We don't fight back, we just remember who they are and create a list
>This goes on for almost a week until school bans rope on clothing as one kid got punched for it (It was by Aaron, oh you never learn)
>By the end, we had almost 50 names on the list, so this is going to be hard
Part 6: The Slaughter
>Fast forward to last day of school
>We have a yearbook party in which everyone goes to sign people's yearbooks
>I'm occupied as everyone want's Ropy's signature
>One of my treasured knights, let's call him George was in charge of taking pictures to post online and for future slide shows, ect
>He gets groups together and takes pics
>5 min before school is out, George gets the microphone and says there are people he "didn't take pictures of yet" so he needs to get a group pic of all them
>Teacher just think he's some perfectionist autistic, so they let it fly
>He lists everyone on "the list"
>They all stand in a group, ready for the picture
>Just before George takes the pic, dozens of knights unleash water balloons that they hid on the group
>George got the pic and ran
>Whole school is now in chaos
>Bell rings
>Kids trying to leave, making more chaos
>In the chaos, all my knights escaped, all except for George
>noknightsleftbehind.jpg
>One of my knights, a girl, had really good hand writing
>We have her write a note saying George's mom wants him to leave immediately
>I sign in messy handwriting "Ropy" so it's illegible
>Girl goes to deliver it as George is in principle's office
>George gets let out on a warning
>Ropy ALWAYS wins
That's the last of my Ropy stories, when I got into middle school, I met up with a new friend that I've already shared many stories about, but I did start a small cult in hs, but it wasn't as successful as Ropy.
>>767851819 idk what to even really talk about man feel free to ask any questions
>Get employed in a Finnish renewable energy company.
>It is based in Kokkola, Finland.
>I don't even know such city.
>For weeks, get calls from Kokkola.
>People refer HQ as Kokkola.
>Kokkola refers itself as Kokkola on the phone.
>For two fucking months, I tell my friends and family about how I am receiving calls from Coca-Cola.
>>767853060
you clearly used term "they".
>sucked dick
>ate ants
>believe I was a warewolf
And I swear I either used to see in a third person perspective or I stalked a little fat fuck that looked exactly like me.
>>767851753 man i got stories for days but idk where to start
>>767853296
This is where things get interesting.
>>767853368
Most messed up
>Shoved an eraser up my ass infront of my friends
>Played 1v1 strip poker with my friend while at conformation camp
>Would constantly eat the entire orange even the skin of it
>Went around school licking poles and shit until one angry mom called my parents
>Went sledding down an icy hill naked with a friend and scraped my entire leg
>Sat in some bushes and poked a girls vagina while 8
Your move virgins
>>767853296
What does it change, though?
I used "they", because without any research, I assumed if it happened to me about 10 years, ago, it happens like that to any kid at that age.
>>767852525
So you were basically voluntarily being molested by an older female going through puberty?
>>767852525
>I used to put sugar on finger and snort it like cocaine, now I have nasal problems
>eat face cream
>fantasize about being injured in an accident
>make poison for my enemies
>masturbate in sandbox
>>767844858
I’m 18 and I still chew on my collar every day
>>767842754
guess you was in my school
and guess you seen my shit.
>in school i shat in the hallways when i could
>also pissed
>spread shit on walls
>in the bathroom i always pissed on the floor in the hope someone fall in my piss
and much more
Did and still do like to puke up my ice cream back into my mouth to enjoy it again, before it mixes with stomach acids
>Suffering from PTSD due to Operation Iraqi Freedom
>Having dream about landing a faulty plane.
>All engines are offline, altimeter is not functioning well.
>Cabin attendants are shaking, unable to say anything of value.
>This is going to be a tough landing.
>Approaching runway 34L
>Gear down
>Ohboyherewego.bat
>"One thousand"
>"Five hundred"
>I don't think I can make it.
>Wake up.
>Wife is not talking to me.
>Ask wife multiple times about the reason why she refuses to talk.
>"You've been moaning in your sleep"
>"What was I saying."
>I don't even know where to start Anon. "Fuck, oh no, fuck, I must touch, fuck, runaway, come on big girl, so close, but far." any of these ring a bell?
>Had a big argument about how it was a plane.
>She never believed.
>We have a very cute faced fat neighbor.
>She never talks to her anymore.
>>767853686
Yup, didn't know it till I was 13 and she apologized, she made me do a whole bunch of shit to her like lick her pussy and asshole, suck her nips, play her like a bongo, and she alway loved to sit on my face, which at the time, I found disgusting ironically, When I was a bit older she let me put my dick in her mouth and asshole, but she never let me in her pussy for fear of getting pregnant, then at some time later, we found from someone who may have been a child molester, that you can cum in a girl's ass and she won't get pregnant, the dude even said he would prove it to us and we bolted outta there before he could get his pants off, then we ran to our secret fuck spot aand tried it out, my first creampie in her but not my first load blown, I later developed a cum-fart fetish, she made me promise to marry her too. Might've been my first love
>Fuck with my brother
>Let the dog lick my dick
(dog almost bit my peepee once)
>Would lay on the floor everytime my grandma stood up because she never wore panties
>Play with my mama's tits whenever she took sleeping pills
>Convince little girls that they had bugs up their pussies that needed to be taken off so they'd let me touch them
(worked more times than it should have)
>Hold my pee for so long and so often I got UTIs frequently which granted me days off school.
(was all fun and days off until I got a nasty Kidney Infection on both my kidneys).
>Write awful messages on the bathroom walls to the teachers and sit back watching them get angry when someone told them about them
(it was thanks to me that they started to only let us go to the bathroom in company of a teacher who would check our pockets for pens or markers and would also check the stalls after we were done)
I was a mess as a kid.
>>767854817
Just remembered when I would bite all my toenails and ginger nails off I would save them in my belly button until I was ready to dispose of them. I still like to chew them up really fine then roll em around in my fingers and smell it. Smells similar to burnt hair.
>>767854959
That went from hot to feels
I would grab a small tissue paper, wrote my dad's telephone number on it along with a message that goes; 'I am sorry for the damage I have caused, please call me back for reimbursement.'
Dad would get so pissed.
>>767854959
>she made me promise to marry her too. Might've been my first love
>>767850445
Same!
First time I felt an orgasm coming on I ran to the toilet thinking I had to pee..happened again and still no pee..finally saw prelim around 11.
Dick was so small I'd jerk off with my thumb up
>>767853092
I only wish I was one of your trusted when I was growing up in school, and didn't try to go against ropy. Oh, I'm Aaron btw and I've had nightmares about that fucking knot all my life.
(Well, at least that's what I imagine he'd say.)
>be me in middle school
>mom always packed me lunch, but I basically never ate it because I detest eating among other people, but not with hot food (still do)
>end up stashing the lunches under my bed
>did this for like months
>mom cleans room
>finds like a hundred moldy, rotten sandwiches under my bed
>>767844903
yoda?
>>767856250
oh shit
>be me
>never eat my food in middle school
>put it in the garden, among the crops
>someday i get into some shit, and the psychologist ends up making me say I rarely eat
>confronts mother about it
>mother finds out about where I hid them
>shows the psychologist
>>767842844
I think I remember reading about something similar to this being a practice of the ancients.
>>767853092
If only we could get these fucks that organized still
>>767856073
Aaron and I are actually pretty cool now. He joined a military camp and got a lot more chill.
>>767841801
Dude, you are me.
>>767853092
someone fucking screenshot
i ever made anything cool. I just sat in the hallway during recess, and in classrom i always sat alone. I had no friends in/out school
>>767857312
got all of them yet
>black
>had a dad
>>767857352
post
>>767841801
>When I was 4 my 7 year old cousin would come over, we'd go into our van in the shed and suck each other's dicks. We'd always be worried my stepfather was watching through the windows. He probably was.
>Hardly ever cleaned my ears out during elementary school bc bad hygiene thanks mom
>Was never even taught about smegma so until I started betting daily morning wood, I'd not even clean there for months sometimes, and it'd be pretty neat how much gunk was there to clean
>was so poor I never owned any transformers. One kid felt sorry for me so gave me his tank which had had the cannon broken off. It became my favourite toy for a while.
>would urgently need to pee when waking up, so couldn't wait for morning wood to go down b4 going to bathroom. Had to walk through lounge room and my older sisters would always tease me for it
>would go swimming in the pool, then need to run upstairs to do a watery shit from where I had let the pools' jet spray copious amounts of water up my ass
>used to go into the forest a lot to masturbate. One time this kid from school got caught masturbating at the town dump. I teased him so much that he started cutting himself
I had a pretty sheltered childhood.
>>767857398
wait a bit
slept while stretching foreskin
I now want to create a ropy for my son. It can be his elementary school coming of age present.
When I was 12 I dicovered that I could get a reasonably nice blowjob by sticking there head of my cock in the vaccum cleaner hose. Not all the way in but, just enough so that the air rushing past would pull and flap/vibrate the foreskin ring (circumcised) really fast around the glans. Best part was there was no cleanup as the vaccum always swallows.
>>767857725
>>767858006
I'm glad you liked it. I have to say though, the beginning of middle school was pretty hilarious as we decided to retire Ropy, but the Anti-Ropy Party didn't know, so they kept taking actions trying to anticipate the second coming of Ropy and just ended up looking like idiots.
>>767858122
i loved it, anon!
>>767842844
Still do it as an adult
>>767855232
Rich boy activities.
>>767850733
Literally me
>>767858122
Greentext it? You have a gift for green texts anon
>>767858909
Thanks! I like greentexting my stories on /b/. I don't copypasta though, as I like to reremember the event as I type it out each time. First time telling this story, though
>>767859115
feel free to go on :)
>>767859196
I usually tell stories about my friend through middle school and high school. Some of you probably already know her as:
>K
>>767843835
I am 19 and I still try to at least touch the white lines when taking a step at zebra crosses
>>767843942
Got em, got em good.
>>767859196
>>767859321
If you want, I'll write some about her. Would you like a story I've told on /b/ before, or something new?
>The ones already on /b/ are a bit more awkward and some of them are funnier
>>767859503
surprise us
>>767859662
This was a surprise to me, so it should be a surprise for you, too
>Be with K, at her house after school
>We're playing mariokart and we're neck to neck (we're very competitive)
>Right before the final race, she pauses the game to get us some drinks
>She comes back with 2 glasses of cream soda, her's has ice in it
>We start the final match, it's on Moonview Highway (I practically have that shit memorized)
>It starts off with me beating her, but after one lap in, I feel something cold slip down my neck and onto my back
>That little whore just put ice on my back to make me lose
>I get hit by a car and she passes me
>I'mnotlosingthistime.jpg
>I start screen peeking and as a turn comes up, I scoop up an icecube from her drink and toss it into her cleavage landing in her boobs
>She lets out a small scream and fucks up the turn, letting me pass her
>Last lap now
>She completely sits on top of me, blocking my view almost completely
>I make a strategic roll and pin her to the couch
>I get second
>She gets fourth
>Bowser one the race, but I one the match
>Can't beat me, K
>>767860685
I only had male friends come over after school. :(
It wasn't till I moved out of home that I got to have females over. At least I made up for it I guess.
>>767861693
Yeah, I didn't really see K as a female though, but she did have a crush on me. Some awkward moments came from that as well
>>767842648
God, that makes me feel old.
>>767841801
Old /b/ is back in action
Thanks for a thread that isn't the same old bs
would stuff trash between the seat cushions of the couch, rather than getting up and throwing it in the garbage can
>>767861972
Do tell?
>>767861972
tell some! (same >>767858006 here)
>>767842754
I used to shit on the floor like once a week at my school bc I was born schwifty and was afraid to sit on public toilet seats
>>767841801
>12 years old, get summer job babysitting for neighbors because mom wants me to learn responsibility
>both kids are my age but super retarded downy fraternal twins
>Retard bro stays in his room all day and plays pokemon
>sis wants to watch TV all day but her mom says I have to take her outside 3 hours a day because the doctor says she needs sun or some shit (honestly bro needed it more)
>Mom demands I put sunscreen on her despite the fact that she is black because mom's in denial (white mom, black dad who isn't in the picture)
>Tend to cop a feel of her little ass as I put the sunscreen on her while she wears her little bathing suit
>End up progressing until retard girl is naked in the garage and "applying sunscreen" to my cock with her stubby retard mitts
>Then smear my cum into her skin along with sunscreen, get her dressed back in her suit, and go on our merry way
>Get paid 200 a week as 12 year old to get jacked off by retard
>Tried to finger her ass/pussy once but she freaked and started retard crying, was terrified she'd tell on me
>This all happened around 20 years ago, never caught
>>767862584
Why the fuck not. This is probably the most awkward moment of my life. It was the night I was first naked with my best friend, touched eachother's genitals, first kiss, and got offered sex.
>Be me in 7th grade
>At K's grandparent's house in the middle of nowhere
>We're playing some smash. I'm smashing her
>Her grandparents leave for the night
>After I beat her again as Sonic, she gets up and turns of the console
>I get ready to roast her for being a rage quitter or something when she turns around and says
>"Come downstairs, Anon. I have something to show you."
>She has this mysterious devilish grin on her face, but I follow her into the basement
>Basement living room has no windows: just a light
>She looks really nervous and squirmy
>"What is it, K?"
>"Anon, can you take your clothes off?"
>Not sure if this is a prank, I say I'll only do it if she also does it
>She agrees
>Still worried about any alternative motives, I say we'll turn off the light, strip down to our underwear
>She still agrees and jumps over to turn off the light
>I wait a second, but after hearing rustling coming from the other side of the room, I take off my shirt and pants, leaving only my underwear
>When she turns on the light, her version of underwear is apparently just panties, no bra
>(Mind you she does have breasts, though they aren't the full size they will eventually be. Maybe a mid range size)
>"So, what's next?" I end up asking to break the awkward silence
>"Can you take off your underwear?"
>Again, we create a system where we both turn around, take our underwear off and throw it behind us
>When I turn around, I'm met by her entire naked body, but I'm just embarrassed as she can see my penis
>"Can I touch it?"
>Again, being the kind of person I am, I only accept if I could also do it
>She gets on her knees and feels my flaccid shaft and balls, squeezing it a lot (hurt when she tried to squeeze my balls)
>"Your turn, Anon"
cont.
>I never drunk from other people's glasses because i thought i will get aids
>pissed the flor regularly at the school
>once me and my friend locked a kid in toilet, he was there for like 45 minutes, because a teacher heard him crying. then we got detention from it
>>767851666
I lold, showed this post to my normie gf, tried to explain the significance of trips (and more importantly Satan trips), got flustered, confused her, now feel anger towards op and myself for being this way
>>767845453
You just gave me flashbacks. Completely forgot about wanting to be in the very back of the bus for hitting bumps.
>>767842579
same anon, actually have been doing that all day
>>767854599
I used to chew on my collar and shirt as well, in 6th grade.
Then I got braces.
I think it was a teething thing.
>>767841801
>Kiss, finger and lick my cousin every weekend she came over
>never step on white street tiles
>Apologize to god when I came after masturbating, (I never believed in god)
>Take magnifying glasses and inspect my cousins asshole (kek)
>Make weird ass noises all day, everyday
>I used to cut stuffed animals
> i used to love smahing snails. Once i've gathered as many as i could on one place and then smashed them one by one. It was a massacre. I believe it was likr 40+ snails. Since then i couldnt find a snail around the house for like years
> i used to torture lizards
> i stole a lot
>>767842844
Same
>>767863761
Lucky anon. Damn.
Was she part of the inner circle with ropy?
>>767842648
>>watch girls pee up in my treehouse
what does this mean?
>>767851571
>I had also nailed one to a plant and called it Jesus, but that was separate to the rituals.
oh my kek
>>767841801
When i first started getting periods at 10, I'd play with the blood.. still do..
:)
>>767841801
>Dress in long black trenchcoat.
>Slick my hair back.
>Spend hours at the local arcade playing doom.
>Shoot up school with friend.
>Get shot to death on the way out.
>>767863761
>She leaned back, lying on the floor, legs spread with her hips thrusted forward to point her vagina towards me
>I kneel down, start feeling the outside of her vagina. It doesn't have any hair yet and is an innie, so there isn't much there on the outside
>I mostly feel up and down the line of her vagina only because I didn't want her to be the only one feeling my genitals
>"You can go inside, Anon"
>hearing this, I fucking start sticking my whole hand into her pussy
>She squeals a little but lets me go in
>The beginning is soft, like lotion on a baby's ass soft, but then it got kind of gooey and disgusting
>I pulled my hand out, tips of my fingers covered in her pussy goo
>"that's... disgusting" I tell her as I wipe my hand on her clothes
>Somewhat frustrated with how unhappy my experience was, K says
>"Let's go swimming"
>(Her grandparents own a private pond)
>"I didn't bring my swimsuit, K"
>"We're already naked, Anon. It'll be fine"
>We go outside, it's already dark out, and even though we're in the middle of no where, we sprint to the pond, worried someone will see us naked
>We start swimming for a while, when K calls me over
>I swim to her, too deep for either of us to touch, when she jumped on me
>She grabbed my arms, pinning them to my sides and tries to kiss me
>But as I can't swim without my hands, we both start to sink, and therefore tense up. This makes the "kiss" more like a facemash
>She quickly lets go of me and turns away not mentioning it, I didn't care enough to pursue her and was too out of breath to make fun of her for it
>After we were done swimming, we lie down at the edge of the pond watching the stars (what we always do after swimming)
>"Hey Anon"
>"Yeah K"
>"I'm sorry for trying to kiss you like that"
>"Yeah, it's alright" I say with a little laugh
>"Do you think we could try that again?"
>"sure"
>>767844271
>top kek mate.
>>767864581
Took them up with him and they peed on him.
Alternatively, he had cams setup in toilets and an elaborate computer system setup in his treehouse where he'd watch them from.
Not sure which one tbh
>>767864341
she went to a different elementary school, but I told her about Ropy and she thought it was hilarious
>>767846862
>had sex in some pot smoking highschoolers tree house behind a state farm in 8th grade
>>767864851
>they peed on him.
how in the world do you convince them to do that?
>>767842257
I started a race riot. Was pretty cool the state police parked their ass in the lunchroom for a few weeks until things calmed down. Fun days for sure.
>>767851826
All hail Ropey!
>make really bad drinks by mixing random stuff together from the kitchen
>cut worms in half
>salt snails
>masturbate under blankets all over my house family present or not
>eat sliced bread after crumpling it up in a ball
>>767864817
>She rolls over so her body is right above mine
>Her knees are on either side of my thighs, her breasts lightly resting on my chest, her hands on either side of my head, her eyes staring into mine
>In the moonlight, I could tell she was blushing quite a bit
>"You have to close your eyes, Anon"
>I let out a small laugh but complied
>Her lips met mine, I could feel her nose on the side of mine.
>I carefully matched her lips and what she was doing, the kiss lasted maybe 30 seconds to a couple minutes, I lost track of time.
>when she came up again, I opened my eyes, we met gaze, we both laughed a bit and she rolled back over
>We talked for maybe an hour about menial things in our lives. Eventually her horny mind took over again
>"Hey Anon, have you ever thought about having sex?"
>Even as a 7th grader, I knew what sex was, we were all taught about it starting middle school
>"We're kids, K. Kids don't have sex"
>"Yeah, I guess you're right" I could tell she was disappointed in my answer, but I still stood by it
>We talked for some more time before heading back inside and going to bed together
>We could do that at her grandparent's house as K's bedroom door there had a lock and her grandparents never checked if we were in our own beds
>>767863761
>>767864817
>>767865539
Like I said, a very awkward story, but K and I were later able to laugh about this event for its absurdity.
>>767844539
He's God tier
>>767865907
got more? damn anon your life is interesting!
>>767865374
2018 Loyal knights of King Ropy roll call!
>hump my cat
>>767842802
>Worm god
Top kek
>>767848600
I'd vote for the Rope.
>>767851348
Yes it is, you're an idiot stop stating your uninformed opinion as a fact.
>>767841801
>Put ketchup on bread and ate it
What’s wrong with that? I still do that shit.
>>767851348
Kek it is
>>767866084
None as awkward, but yes. I do have more
>Be in hs in a parliamentary procedure state championship (we pretty much automatically got in as only one other team was fighting us for it in regional)
>I'm with K and some other bois
>None of us want to take it seriously
finewithme.jpg
>We stay in a hotel
>2 rooms, one for us boys and one for K, but the hotel had a door separating the 2 rooms.
>We didn't want to get a switch, so we just didn't tell teacher
>K invites me over one night and we're talking for a bit
>One of the bois (that we conveniently nicknamed bleach clear) fucking breaks the door down
>Notmyproblem.png
>K and I leave and have the rest of the bois fix the door with wood glue and a screw driver they got from a hardware store
>Another night, we go to a gas station and notice a sale on potatoes
>They were cheap so oc we were the retards who bought a bunch of them
>Use one to play bite the potato (a german game)
>another boi throws one off the balcony into a hot tub (I don't know how we didn't get kicked out)
>We also left a potato in the coffee maker and I kept one of them for safe keeping as we entered the competition.
>The first portion of the competition was a multiple choice test on parliamentary procedure
>We didn't give a fuck so we agreed to just abbacadaba the whole test
>All teams took the test in one room (there might have been 10 or so teams)
>I pulled potato out from my suit coat pocket (we all had to dress formal for the competition) and placed it on the table while I took the test
>Test gets handed to us, but I literally didn't touch the test booklet, only the answer sheet
>Stood up after a minute the test started
alleyesonme.jpg
>Walk up and hand the test back to them
>Walked out holding a potato
>RIP serious test
>K and bois came out a few a few minutes later laughing
>Later, during a ceremony, the winners of the first test are announced
>Our team is somehow on that fucking list
>be in my house with a friend, show each others dicks and laugh
>beat a girl for taking my toy cars when i was 2
>have a crush on a guy from zoey 101
>puke on the school hallway
>every car of my relatives has traces of my puke
>beating a classmate in his balls cause i was mad(not at him)
>crying because my classmates where to loud
>my best friends where my beanie, my toy lizards, and a funny small indian kid
Something is wrong with me
>>767843900
Kek if this is real
>>767867809
>MFFW WE ACTUALLY BEAT TEAMS THAT STUDIED AND SHIT WITH ABBACADABA
>Only 5 teams were chosen for this
>The next stage was an actual mock parliamentary procedure
>If we win this, we go to nationals
>Stay up late studying parliamentary procedure shit
>They decide to make me chairman as I know the most about it
>Come day of the final test
>We were given our task, and then we went up there
>There are fucking judges and shit
>We introduce ourselves, and right before we start, I say
>"And the potato is a gavel" as I pull the fucking potato from my coat pocket
>2 judges lost it
>We start going through it, but are constantly failing miserably
>Some of the teams that lost in the test are literally crying
>We didn't go on to nationals, but at least we were in the top 5 best parliamentary procedure teams in our state
>>767862147
Seconded
>>767854830
it was just a dream, why did it even matter to her?
Women. I can't believe we let them vote.
>>767863636
Black people sunburn, so who is the retard?
>>767864785
Someone forgot to strafe.
>>767864851
You are just guessing. I could have just guessed was asking for a reason.
>>767868568
>strafe
>>767844184
>sister fucker
>family tree doesn't fork
>stand on all fours
Sounds about right you inbred fucking millipede
>>767867810
Also:
>create complex backstories and worlds with my toys
>tell my mother that i love pink and i want to wear pink stuff(i am male)
>shouting "penis" with a friend in wilderness while our dads where hunting nearby
>telling my dads friends son from another country that he lives in a shithole
>thinking that the number 99 is bigger then 100 in kindergarden
>crying all the time
>watching a topmodel show with my sister and wishing to be like these models
>meeting with a girl in the pillow cuddling room in kindergarden and cuddling with her
wtf
>>767867810
Also:
>create complex backstories and worlds with my toys
>tell my mother that i love pink and i want to wear pink stuff(i am male)
>shouting "penis" with a friend in wilderness while our dads where hunting nearby
>telling my dads friends son from another country that he lives in a shithole
>thinking that the number 99 is bigger then 100 in kindergarden
>crying all the time
>watching a topmodel show with my sister and wishing to be like these models
>meeting with a girl in the pillow cuddling room in kindergarden and cuddling with her
wtf
>Rub penis against the wall, wrapping myself around a pillar or column and hugging against it until I had mini orgasms (started in kindergarten)
>Call 1-900 sex lines like 1-900-WET-TWAT, 1-900-FUCK-A-GIRL, shit like that, and talk to girls or listen to recorded stories while masturbating to get off, racking up $3-400 phone bill
>Tormented cats (one cat was nice to me so I didn't bother him) that were assholes to me and got more love than I did, would chase them with a remote control car until they literally shit themselves with fear
>Have sleepover with male cousin - while he was asleep, try to pet his hamster. It bit me. Took thing out of glass enclosure, placed him into Millennium Falcon, shook him around violently, put back in cage. Next morning, Chewbacca the hamster was dead. FUUUUU you biting me, faggot.
>Made my female cousin sit on my face, realized I had a queening fetish. Clothing was always on, but we'd play the "chair game" and she'd sit on me. She tried to ask me about it once when we were teens and I was like LOLNOPESHUTUPFAGGOT
I think that's all.
>>767869096
>Created complex backstories&worlds
I used to do that in middle/highschool with pens when I was bored, I’d get completely absorbed continuing autist pen swordfighting stories I started weeks ago and not hear anything the teacher was saying
>>767869540
Ayy I had a millennium falcon too, never murdered any pets though
I used to build tiny little prisons with legos and then put fish in them in my aquarium. Most of them died
>>767870113
Little piece of shit shouldn't have bit me. It got what it deserved.
>>767870168
I wish I killed what animal bites me. Could have gotten rid of some pretty shitty dogs
>>767870168
Oh I feel you. Threw my dog like a beach ball after she bit me a few years ago, she growls whenever I even look at her now
bunk bed surfing. and I had sex with my little sister.
>>767841801
Pretend to be a girl getting raped.
Torn my own tighty whiteys off my ass and stuck objects up my ass while begging for them to stop.
Did it
Out doors in wooded areas.
In the attic of our house On a rusty old box spring.
In the service basement.
>>767849424
this
>>767843005
Oh my god I'm 7 years old again.
>>767842802
Da fuck man? When I find words I just put them in my compost bin. The fuck is wrong with you millennials?
>>767842804
Please kill your self
For the sake of future humanity. Don’t breed
>Fuck a giant stuffed horse through a hole I ripped in its leg
>Cum on my pillows and then sleep on them
>Play with Lego Spiderman and get a boner every time I made him have his mask off
>Pee in stalls only instead of urinal
>Touch my asshole and smell my finger
>Eat a bunch of junk food constantly
Only recently have I begun to hate my existence.
>>767843272
Most normal thing here. I would do the same but naked and have a jerk off and go back inside
>>767869540
>Chewbacca the hamster was dead. FUUUUU you biting me, faggot.
Hamsters are shit tier pets anyway. They shit and bite. Get a fuckin dog.
this has got to be the funniest thread I've seen in a long time
>>767870326
dude i can't actually find settings. Help me
>>767843316
Oh they noticed. They were so fucking horrified they were probably told to ignore it and hope it goes away.
Kys pls
>>767853092
I did something similar in 3rd grade, but less elaborate. Had 30 - 50 kids involved.
Created a hierarchy based upon rank, all based on Mochi from Monster Rancher.
Emperor Mochi, king mochi, lietenant mochi and the like.
Would get kids fruit roll ups and to carry my stuff around in exchange for currying favor and giving rank promotions. And just generally get them to do what I wanted... your emperor commands it. Otherwise I would threaten to strip them of their rank.
Particularly gullible kids could be given superficial rank promotions for weeks of labor and snacks, for example moving from lieutenant mochi to commander mochi, while still remaining the #9 person in the hierarchy.
There was no physical idol this was attached to, just a conceptual hierarchy.
>>767841801
>Sleep sideways on the wall (legs on the wall body on bed)
>I thought the moon and clouds were following me
>Picked mails from mailboxes and put them in others, 2 blocks further away
>Lock myself into my room and played lego all day, pretending to build a town and nuke it
>One day I carved a hole into my wall with a spoon
>Played a game with my friends that we called "Mooria", we were pretending to be swords running at each other
>Jumping into paper trashcans and searching for something funny
>We were very poor so I crafted my own duel disk for carnival, because I wanted to go as yugi
>Had and still have shit tons of lucid dreams, mainly because I always know when I sleep because it always starts with me jumping from the house I was raised in which was a 5 floor apartment
idk man too much to write about
>>767872006
>idk man too much to write about
feel free to do so
>would shove Mike and ikes into my butt and eat them after
>invited friend to sleep over and came on his hair while he was asleep
>commit genocide on bird population in backyard
>Used to wrestle with girl down the street every chance I got because of weird thing in my pants
Also had this weird sexual thing where I would wrap myself in a blanket and touch myself while imagining a giant spider lady eating me.
>>767845884
Oh boy, we got an real nigger, folks!
Well, I'm going to be heading off soon, so I'll send you guys one more K story beforehand
>Be in hs at K's house
>We're watching anime, talking, shitposting on /b/, ect
>She goes to do homework, so I take a nap on her bed, lying face up
>K decides to go full throttle on the horny mode and takes off her pants to sit on my fucking face
>I wake up with her red panties smashed against my face so I wrestle her off me
>I finally get her to talk
>"Can I please sit on your face, Anon? I'll let you sit on mine"
>"Fine" I let it out with a sign. Horny K is always a hassle to deal with
>I go first and decide to sit on her with just my boxers on like she did to me
>I sit there for a couple minutes (I don't know why you guys are into this, it's just fucking weird)
>I finally let her get a turn and lay back down
>"You have to close your eyes, Anon"
>I know she must have something planned, but I already sat on her face, so I can't back out now
>As my eyes are closed, her naked ass lands on my face
>This horny bitch took her panties off and sat on my face
>I can't believe I'm letting this happen, but it doesn't break our deal as we didn't specify a dress code
>She rubs her vag in my face
>hairypussy.gif
>After a couple minutes of this, I get her off of me and make fun of her for having/being a hairy cunt
>She gets me to take off my boxers as she can't be the only one naked (she knows my logic)
>As I'm sitting on her bed, she starts to feel bad about how she tricked me
>Her face --> My crotch
>She was faced down in my penis as I was laughing at her
>She stayed there for a couple minutes, but when she got up, she told how she apparently liked it, and wouldn't mind doing it some more
>I noped that, but we still chilled until supper bottomless
Well, I'm heading out now. I can still talk with my phone, but can't really greantext
>>767872661
wow, an amazing story. Did you have any "inner meet" with her?
somehow managed to convince my best friends sister (at the time) to show us her tits and vagina, we were in elementary school, i forgot how old she was but she was a teen. It was great, got grounded for a few weeks but it was worth it.
>>767843316
two of those are symptoms of autism
>>767872661
thanks for sharing anon. your contributions to this thread have been substantial.
>>767873003
Not sure what you're implying there, but probably no.
>>767873302
It's been a pleasure
>>767873477
>>767873366
nice dubs. Also the pleasure is ours for meeting you!
>>767873477
Goodbye Ropynon
I was constipated so bad once that i stuck the handle of a wooden spoon up my ass to try and scoop the shit out.
I also used to regularly stick my fingers up my ass to scratch it whenever i had pin worms (and would sometimes eat the worms after if they were on my finger)
>>767873615
I'm on my phone, so I always get dubs.
>>767872006
>>767872268
>Would play as goalkeeper in my class during breaks while always eating my lunch, tried to make it harder for me to do both
>Would always send my friends to ask if we could play something (like N64) as the chance was higher that it would succeed
>Sometimes forgot to take my sister with me when I went home from kindergarten
>Listened to only 1 song for like a year
>(this one is only told to me by my sister, as I do not recall it) I sat on the on balcony fence shouting to kids down below to catch me, the fire department broke into our house to get me off it, while my mother was drunk asleep on the couch
>Slept outside when I did not feel like going home
>never brushed my teeth until they fell out and I got my new ones, been brushing since then
>When somebody asked me if I could do something special I would say that I can speak African and proceeded to sit under a table and make weird noises
>During gym class I told my teacher to kiss my ass, she said I should take down the pants for that, which I did, she did not kiss my ass and I got suspended, when I meet some guys from the elementary school now, most remember me as the guy who took down his pants in front of his teacher
