My wife just got home today after kidney surgery. She's going to take a lot of care over the next few weeks.
She has been such a bitch to me over the last few years, since I found out about her affair. It comes in waves; for a while she is great, we're great together, then things spiral down, we have a huge blow up, and things work their way back up.
She sitting in bed, unable to leave it, and she started crying that she didn't want to be stuck in bed, and I felt nothing. I don't want to take care of her. I wish they had left her in the hospital until she could take care of her self. I have a bunch of kids to take care of as well, and now I have a hormonal, medicated, needy, aggressive woman to take care of as well.
I don't want to do it. I feel like that makes me a bad person.
You aren’t responsible for someone’s irrational reaction or behavior. You’re tied to it due to marriage currently, but feeling a way doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you someone who’s responding to the stressors of the environment. Be decent, help her heal physically, then heal yourself mentally. If that means it’s over, that’s ok. If it means it isn’t over and you are still invested, that’s ok too. Good luck. Ps I’m six beers deep so maybe this is all terrible anon advice, fuck if i know at this point.
I wouldn't say you are a bad person, I'd say anyone's entitled to feel however they want. It's a shit situation that got worse, but just think about what you can do when you when the kids are old enough and you can leave, if that's what your end game is.
Six beers down or not, it's good advice. Thanks, Anon. I don't know if it's over or not. Sometimes i love her. Sometimes I'm apathetic. I just don't know.
I've been working under the premise of "be above reproach." Control my own actions and make sure they can't be held against me.
>love each other forever
That's impossible. "Love" is just a chemical reaction in your brain. Eventually, like all things, you'll get bored of the same woman. Or annoyed. Or both. Then you'll hate her guts, the end.
Did you miss the part about a bunch of kids?
Do you have any idea what kind of child support that would be?
Even with split custody, I wouldn't be able to afford my own place, utilities, food, gas, insurance, etc.
My son and his girlfriend recently broke up, and he's devastated and heartbroken, but I'm secretly happy about it, because he's only 17, and they were planning on getting married and having kids as soon as he finishes high school, and having made a similar mistake in my youth, I know they're way too young and irresponsible to be starting a family right now. Also hoping he decides to join the military like he's wanted to for the past couple years, until he met his now ex-gf, who had him all but talked out of it.
Also, I never really liked his gf to begin with, but I was nice to her because my son loved her and I wanted him to be happy, though I saw her for what she really is-a manipulative, scandalous cunt-from pretty much the first time I met her.
If you don't love someone anymore there isn't really any getting that back. You feel nothing at this point because you wouldn't be doing this kind of stuff for any random person you met, let alone a backstabber. It's not your fault she took whatever you guys had left of a marriage and dragged it over the coals.
They range in age over about a six year gap. I don't want to give too many clues. People I know use /b/. I may have already given too many.
I got married and eloped very young. If I had it all to do over, I'd have waited.
Don't feel bad at all and also try and ween her off attention as a result of being a bitch. If she knows you won't bite she will eventually stop.
As far as the happy periods hate to say it but there is a chance thats when she is messing around on you. Sounds weird but thats how these things work.
Once a cheater always a cheater....
>If I had it all to do over, I'd have waited
I'm kind of in the middle on that. Sometimes I wish I had waited, but other times, I'm glad I did it when I did, my ex and I had a lot of good times together before the realities of life ruined it for us.
We both come from pretty fucked up backgrounds. I think that has a lot to do with it.
Yaknow, I've tracked her whereabouts, I've snooped her texts and IMs and other accounts and stuff, I've cracked every password she has had, and to be honest, I think that if she was doing something like that, I'd have found evidence of it. She's not stupid, but she's not as tech savvy as I am. I pretty much know where she is and what she is doing at any point. i haven't found a time where she could be cheating again.
Not saying it's impossible, just that I am very thorough. I don't think I've missed anything.
Honestly, were I in your shoes, I would just stop any affections to her. I just couldn't do it.
I totally understand staying for the kids, and I would still be civil. But I couldn't kiss a woman who cheated on me. I couldn't (romantically) love her. That's just me though.
And were I to have a bad day, and I would, I don't think I could resist being snarky about it. "Oh i hate being bedridden" "want me to call X so they can take care of you?" or something stupid like that that I'd probably come to regret later.
But I digress. This snooping around shit? I don't think you should do it. Not because you need to check or anything, but... well. Your wife cheats, anon. Don't be so emotionally invested in this anymore. It's just so exhausting.
>We both come from pretty fucked up backgrounds. I think that has a lot to do with it
It does, my ex's family is so fucked up, you could write a book about some of the shit they've done, and it'd end up in the fiction section because nobody would believe it's true.
Mine was kinda fucked, too, but not nearly as bad. I'm 100% certain that played a role in the problems we had in our marriage, simply because we were both raised in an environment with no examples of how a healthy relationship is supposed to work.
That's the conclusion I came to about two years ago. It wasn't so much that I trusted her not to cheat or anything, it's just that the obsession over it was hurting me. At this point, I'm of the opinion that if she cheats again, then I know what my course of action is. There were circumstances involved that I'm not going to get into, but they are what has stayed my hand so far.
So now it's just riding the rollercoaster of life.
Same here. I've been told to write a book about it. Nobody would believe it.
But, the thing is, my father was a cheating, abusive, child molesting monster. I've never cheater or abused or molested. Sothere's that.