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holy shit guys >be cleanfag, room is almost always spotless

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holy shit guys

>be cleanfag, room is almost always spotless
>i live in the attic, so my room is pretty small and there tends to be lots of insects
>the majority of the bugs are stink bugs (pic related)
>can't kill the fuckers or they smell like shit
>they can fly but they are pretty slow and pretty fucking dumb so they are easy to catch
>begin to collect them in an old pickle jar
>whenever i come home from school there is usually at least 3 on my window and at least 3 somewhere else in the room
>at the beginning of my career as a DIY exterminator, i would fill the jar with soap and water until they drowned, and then dump them outside
>i began to feel bad for torturing them so i decide its a better idea to just let them go outside
>start noticing more and more in my room every day when i come home after letting them out safely
>begin to think they are just finding their way back inside
>i don't know what to do at this point, so i decide to just catch them in the jar and leave them in there until they die
>about a month goes by pretty smoothly
>it looks like most of them are dying after a day or two
>begin to accumulate a large amount of stinkbugs and the occasional ladybug or fly in this pickle jar
>begin to be proud of my collection
>i am convinced i hold the world record for most stinkbugs in a jar at once
>i begin to notice that the stinkbugs are scared of the jar
>when i am about to catch them some of them look inside of the jar and see probably like 100 of their dead family members piled up inside
>whenever this happens they flip out
>occasionally i encounter what i call a stinkbug hero
>this is when they see me capture one of their buddies and they start flying into me thinking its hurting me or some shit
>feel like god of the stinkbugs
>one day, come home and take a shower
>come out of the shower and ready to do my daily hunt
>catch like 3, everything going as usual
>go to catch the next victim and he makes a sudden move towards me, this guy is a hero
>>
>>767507489
That takes balls bugs are 3spooky5me
>>
>>767507489
Lurking
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>>767507489
continue
>>
>>767507489
Continue Op
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Bumping for interest
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>>767507489
Fuck these bastards. Find them all the time in my house.
>>
inb4 tree fiddy
>>
>>767507489
Pre-type this shit next time you clown. Also continue
>>
cont

>i jerk the jar towards where it looks like he is going
>he jukes me out so i jerk the jar again, too hard
>fuck.pdf
>about 100 fucking corpses of stinkbugs, 20 ladybugs, 10 flies, and a living wasp i caught earlier go flying out of the jar and hit my floor
>huge pile of the fuckers, but i stay calm as i think most of them are dead
>a few get up and fly away, but nothing i can't handle
>some of the dead bodies begin to shake, almost like they are resuscitating themselves
>FUCK.pdf
>they start getting up one by one and flying everywhere
>i am dodging the shit out of them while trying to catch them at the same time
>decide its the only way
>start mashing them with the lid of the jar wherever i see them, bam, bam, bam, bam
>starts to smell like shit
>crushed stinkbugs everywhere
>goes on for another 10 mins at least
>let out a sigh as i think the war is over
>then i look up and see the wasp looking me straight in the fucking eyes
>bossbattle.rar
>i get up, ready to catch him, all of my training has led up to this
>he starts flying around everywhere, he is pissed
>but he has never met anyone so skilled before, i am dodging him left and right as he plunges in for the sting
>have the jar in my right hand, but my left hand is free
>this is it
>i swing and knock this fucker down with a left hook
>holy shit i'm so proud
>immediately stomp on him and kill him
>gg
>this day will go down as a national holiday for stinkbugs, their attempted revolution
>decide it is time to stop keeping so many in a jar at once
>go outside, dump the jar
>i shed a tear
>come back inside, vacuum up the left over limbs
>time to start a new reign
>next year my brother will get this room, i have to teach him to carry on my leagacy

but now what the fuck do i do, i cant keep that many in a jar again
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>>767508581
just try and move them further away when you let them out I guess?
>>
>>767508581
Multiple jars?
Or just vacuum them as you see them and keep the corpses if you're really into that. The negative pressure kills them.
>>
>>767508581
>767508581
walk the dinosaur
>>
why are you living in the attic that's for VHS tapes and old knitting equipment!!!
>>
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>>767507489
>>767508581
Here's a screenshot in case you guys want to spread it.
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>>767507489
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>>767508581
Probably fake, but entertaining nonetheless. Thanks for the greentext OP. It was enjoyable to read!
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>>767508581
You can move them farther from the house or if you really really really need to kill them (I kinda like bugs), just stake them with needle dipped in alcohol. That just kills them and I don't think they've got much time to feel any pain.
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>>767509326
saved
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>>767509044
lol'd
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>>767508581
Get multiple smaller jars and hang them around the room.
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>>767509326
thank you good sir
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>>767509326
saved thanks captard
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>>767508581
Shorter than I was hoping and no one got butt fukked but it was a well done read. Thanks OP
>>
That's not a stink bug...it's a type of boxelder.
>>
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>>767507489
Those gangly looking ones aren't stink bugs, theyre western conifer seed bugs. The best thing you can do is find cracks in walls, windows and any other entry point and seal it shut with tape or caulk or whatever you have available.
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>>767512045
Western Conifer seed beetle or Pine seed beetle. And they stink with a sickly sweet rotten apple smell. They spray like a skunk if you bothe them
>>
This is the best thread on /b/ ive seen in a wile
>>
Good shit, +1 to you sir. Wish there was more of this on /b/, larping or not
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You should have taken a pic of the jar
>>
This is the reason I keep comming to /b/. Well done.
>>
Wussfag here, I would die of a heart attack if I saw that in my house.
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>>767509326
>Here's a screenshot in case you guys want to spread it.

no thanks
>>
this is real btw it just happened today i wish i wouldve taken a pic of the jar i will take one next time i get some in there and post in on my insta @shrimp.png and also here but if you wanna see it check up on there in a while

also thanks
>>
KEK'D and probably woke up my girlfriend lol
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>>767513112
Tell me how you learned about the bugs, anon.
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>>767510078
Im gonna post it to Reddit first so you better not even try
>>
pictures?
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>>767507489
>Hm,,,,he was behind??
>>
>>767507489
are those the ones that smell like sour apples when you squish 'em? i had a shitload of those at my childhood home
>>
Just buy commercially available bug spray (bed bug & flea) which contains Permethrin and spary the outside of the house, especially around windows and/or vent/a/c openings, you autistic psychopath
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>>767508581
what the fuck kind of disgusting ass house do you live in to get that many bugs OP?

also no way they were alive
>>
>>767520859
not op
>live in attic in the middle of the country
>big ol' yellow house, reflects the sun like a bitch
>bugs like the heat so they flock to it
>during the summer there's literally just thousands of those box elder fuckers clinging to the west wall later in the day
>like legit the whole house looked like it was gray because of how many there were
>have trouble sleeping because i constantly feel shit crawling on my face, usually just itches
>occasionally brush my face half-asleep and feel something solid and have mini heart attack
>fucking bugs
>one day my sister finds like seven of those big apple-smelling things in her room
>everyone screaming, i grab them all and throw them in the toilet
>people still screaming
>run around like a retard
>hit my toe on the doorframe and break it

whats the worst way you guys have stubbed your toes /b/?
>>
Yo i live in PA and this shit is exactly what i did, except it was a water bottle instead of a jar. Filled up an entire 16oz bottle before throwing them away. Fucking idiots brought these things in from China to stop the lady bug overinfestation around like 2012 but didnt realize they breed faster than anything on this planet so PA got overrun with stink bugs.
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>>767520859
i live in the middle of fucking nowhere and the attic is hot as shit with tons of tiny cracks so its a fucking breeding ground for these fucks

and yes it looked like they were zombies
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>>767521826
any chance u live in oregon
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>>767522237
nope, upstate new york
>>
York, PA here. Can confirm our infestation with Brown marmorated(?)
I bought a bugzooka and turned the tides in my eternal war against them.
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>>767522732
how long do those things keep them out?
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>>767507489
OP you need to call a exterminator to spray the outside of your house with talstar pesticide! If you want to be cheap you can order it on amazon and get a decent garden sprayer and a mask and spray if on the all siding and the windows on your house. Do not spray it inside only outside. You will not see them for months soap and water is only a contact killer and spending 150$ on a exterminator to treat your house is worth the money not to have to deal with these ugly things.
>>
Forgot to say that talstar also kills tons of other bugs spiders mosquitoes flys bees wasps ladybugs pretty much any bugs that will touch the outside of the house or window which is a huge plus!
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>>767523042
>>767523198
Not OP, but, does it cause any health issues?
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>>767520435
>Hm,,,,learn english next time??
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Kek when I lived with my aunt in PA those fuckers were everywhere. She lived in this converted pumphouse so it wasn't up to code. I TOOK A 5x8 glue trap and filled that thing entirely in less than 5 minutes
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>>767523293
if you spray it yourself on the oustide of the house make sure you use gloves a mask and goggles and you will be fine. But just living indoors after it is sprayed outside of the house yea no problem just dont go about touching any surfaces sprayed till dry other then that its really safe and works for months i think up to 90day depending on the strength used. Its what most people use in rural areas that have stinkbug and ladybug issues you can look it up on youtube plenty of videos about how to spray your siding and windows properly
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>>767523543
that is fucking disgusting that fucking squalor
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>>767523293
Yeah just dont get it on you when spraying and you will be fine. Other then that dont touch it when wet. Once dry its fine and it doesnt get into the house or effect the air inside the house. When it drys it binds micro crystals to the surface that the bugs walk on and they get on the bug and end up killing it quick. Just make sure small children dont lick the side of the house and your fine lol. Its worth it in my option to keep those nasty bugs out of the house it also helps to caulk any holes around the windows and side of the house where they can get in.
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>>767507489
Line where your floor meets wall with borax, same for window sill. This works against roaches, I'm sure it'll work for stinkbugs.

https://youtu.be/AGj02ACGKg0
>>
I live out in the country and we have some of those stink bugs. Nice thing with them is they don't breed prolifically. Asian lady beetles however, those fuckers. Everywhere.
I just took to doing daily round ups of the fuckers with a cup of 91% isopropyl alchohol.
>>
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>>767507489
Just stinkbugs? Why would you care? They're completely harmless.

Every year, there is a month or two when they are about ten on my screens and windows during the day, but they don't bite, sting, get into food, or cause any trouble; they just cling there. They don't bother me, I don't bother them. Ants, OTOH, go squish.

Pic is the stinkbugs, "亀虫".
>>
>>767507489
OP you need to catch and release, but you need to paint them before release, just a quick stroke of color and then you can see if they are really coming back.

If they are you can have distance contests (how far away will they come back from), most returns, etc.
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>>767526094
lol good idea bro but i don't have that much time
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>>767523337
>Hm,,,,the bots are being made by hiromoot??
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>>767508581
Tose are assassin beetles anon and they can fuck you right up if they bite you. My buddy got bit on his stomach and it was ridiculous how bad the swelling was. Look them up and get some doctor doom bug bombs and gas the fuckers
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>>767525765
that's the brown marmolated stinkbug the chinks gave us in eastern USA that swarms everywhere and gets into every fucking corner of everyone's house during winter, fuck those little fuckers. I find like 100 of them in my room every day,.
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>>767508581
>but now what the fuck do i do
Most bugs aren't actually dead when they're lying motionless. I had a bee that got inside and still moved occasionally after 5 days of laying still. You've got to do more than pile them together, you've gotta gas or poison them unless you're going to put several jars out.
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>>767523672
Yeah after she left I went back to the street squalor doesn't bother me anymore. When you've been a street kid since 14 you learn to adapt.
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>>767528104
Make this its own thread my guy
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>>767507489
Cool story, that's not a stink bug. It's a western conifer seed bug.

Pic related is a stink bug.
>>
That's a Western Conifer Seed Bug. We used to get them a lot in Montana. They congregate on the sides of houses that get a lot of sun. I loved killing them. I would get so many coming thru my air conditioner that I just left scissors next to the window to cut them in half and then once a week I would vacuum the pieces up.

One side effect was that when you squish them they smell like green apple. I thought about it so much that I ended up going on Amazon and getting green apple dish soap, green apple jolly ranchers, and green apple laffy taffy. It tasted so god.
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