What was the WORST sexual experience you've ever had?
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What was the WORST sexual experience you've ever had?
I'm a very reserved person so I usually decline gross sex, my worst sexual moment is probably squeezing the ass of a chick I thought was in the band I was seeing but to later find out she was just a crowd surfer and I basically sexually assaulted her
>>752577594
Weak af.
>>752577379
ill post mine with seperate pictures of a greentext i just made cause im to lazy to type it again...
>>752577720
>>752577758
>>752577720
>>752577708
Well at least I didn't make up some bullshit
>>752577594
Wait, are you saying you felt bad for "sexually assaulting" her because you were intending to "sexually assault" someone more famous?
When she thinks her period is over and bleeds and then squirts in your face. Mouthwash.
>>752577379
I humped a couch to orgasm once. I didn't even know couches could cum.
Probably agreeing to have sex with someone I knew I wasn't attracted to whatsoever. And wasn't able to keep it up. Then booted her out of my place.
>>752577819
People receive a +3 buff to sexual assault resistance when they gain the Fame perk.
>>752577795
What the fuck is this shit?
>>752577379
The first time I did anal.
The short version is: cleaning shit off my dick. Not a fun time.
Only ever did anal once more. This time: had to clean shit off the floor. Strictly vaginal for me now.
>>752577928
My dead friend used to do this. Good times.
>>752577379
Dunno if it counts as sexual but I once got a splinter in my balls somehow when I was younger. Still have no fucking idea how it happened. Had it for a few days and didn't even notice. All of a sudden it hurt like hell and getting it out was even worse.
Another time I thought I'd try anal play. Fucked up and started bleeding pretty bad. Will never put anything in or near my ass ever again.
>meet girl at bar
>instantly hit it off
>decide to go outside to show her my cool car
>get inside and start making out
>go into the back seat
>take her pants and slide her panties off
>car instantly starts to smell like fish and funk
>toolatetoturnback.gif
>go to eat her out anyway
>she sucks me off
>both cum
>i drive home with the constant smell of smelly snatch on my upper lip
>instant_regret.jpg
>>752577379
>be on Mephedrone and Methylone mix
>jerking it for 6+ hours with no finish
>text chunky bird to see if I can get a fuck
>takes ages for her to turn up
>as soon as my raging boner touched her tongue it blew like a cannon
>boner rapidly turns into pilly willy
>cant get back up
>tell her to leave
>>752578079
Holy shit. There was shit? In an asshole? Shit.
>>752578209
oh shit. feels bad man, i remember i somehow got a rash on my dick, and it physically hurt when i would use the bathroom...
about three months ago, i decided i wanted to #getsome after not having sex since like february. so i essentially got this girl on tinder to come to my city, which was about an hour from hers, and "spend the day with me." i essentially took her on a date. then took her back to my apartment where we watched arrested development for like two hours while i slowly started making moves on her. she was extremely awkward, like insanely, but she finally got into it and started making out with me, etc. i lifted up her shirt and bra to start sucking on her nipples (which were pierced, which was a nice surprise) and she was still being pretty awkward about the whole thing. I led her by the hand to the bedroom and stripped her clothes off her. (this girl wasn't FAT but she was kinda big, probably like 5'8,160 lbs.) she started sucking my dick, which she was pretty awful at, and i eventually ended tha whole situation and started eating her out. her pussy was pretty nasty, and i've eaten out a good 5 or 6 pussies. it just smelled and tasted like day old sweat and it was overall bad. I indulged her and then put on a condom (which automatically makes this experience garbage bc condoms are the worst thing ever, but i didnt know where the fuck this girl had been. she got on top of me and started "riding" me, which was some sort of bucking bronco type deal which was not enjoyable at all. this went on for a while and i eventually got up, flipped her over, and started fucking her from behind. she had a pretty nice ass, considering, but then it got worse again. i spanked her and she moaned like she really like it, and then when i said "you like that, you slut?" she grabbed my hand and said "i DONT like that." So i stopped (zzz) and continued fucking her for a while longer. anyways, i didnt even cum because i was so turned off but how she looked and her attitude problem and she ended up spending the night with me (kill myself) and then she left the next day and I never spoke to her again.
shitty anal (literally)
>>752578275
I don't understand three quarters of what this means, but it sounds pretty shitty
>>752578275
ouch. how did she take it? and what food did you offer to get her to come over?
>>752578441
tl;dr
green text that shit, dude
>>752578015
lul
>>752578629
too late.
>>752578277
who could hab predicted and or prepared for this crazy outcome!!!!!
>>752577866
i love this, i get bloody chunks in my facial hair
The time a disgusting, fat, hairy, socially awkward, 40 year old virgin woman jerked me off with a cold wet dish rag.
>>752578584
Lured her round with the intention of going at it for hours kek.
She took it like a champ, just got her shit and left.
>>752578629
OP is a SEX GOD, random girl from Tinder didn't instantly bang him like a porn star on the first day they met, GIRL SO BAD MAKE SEX GOD BORED
some chubby girl who i tried to give a pity fuck to. she was trying so hard and did amazing things with her mouth... but i was so turned off that mid-fucking session my dick went flaccid. it's the first and only time i ever pretended to cum... i think she could tell i faked it. she was so eager she was even going to let me fuck her ass... but i was so disgusted by her fat body that i just wanted to shower and get the hell away from her.
>>752578750
sounds made up
>>752578258
uh..any comment on my story? i swear this isn't made up
>>752578209
>>752578750
>>752578470
>>752578079
>>752577928
You're all faggots
>>752578305
You have AIDS bruh
>>752578720
I was 17 in 1991. So not much facial hair. Has happened since without the squirting. Still did not dig it.
>>752578720
>>752577720
>>752577758
>>752577795
how about mine to lol, i've never done a greentext before, but i wanted to make it simple...
>>752578896
i believe you. and the fear of funky pussy is real. it can be fucking nasty... and i would never eat a girl out if her pussy smells like that.
>>752577379
When I was younger I hooked up with one of my mother's friends and she gave me the worst blowjob imaginable. I had no idea a blowjob could have been horrible up until that point.
>>752579019
>You have AIDS bruh
i got checked after the incident, it was simply just a rash and nothing else
>>752579028
there are bloody handprints on the wall next to my bed and i buy new sheets once a month
>>752579083
Vegan pussy vs. Carnivore. Definitely a difference.
>>752578258
Unremarkable. Pretty much everyone has run into that. I let a large woman wax my junk while chugging jug wine a few hours after i met her and had gross period sex with her in the bathtub with the water running to cover the noise (didn't work)
took ages to cum due to grossness and drunkness, she was almost underwater by the end.
I ended up fucking her a dozen more times after that, and while it was better than the first time, the chlamydia I picked up was a real attitude changer for me on easy pussy.
>>752578855
well, she did, so.
>>752579078
>i've never done a greentext before
Please don't do it again, thanks in advance.
>>752579229
>she was almost underwater by the end.
kek.
>the chlamydia I picked up
non-kek
>>752579326
aight.
>>752579083
sometimes you gotta be a man and own up to the situation you got yourself in.
>>752578855
here's a picture of her. doesn't really matter if you believe me or not lmfao i'm posting to entertain the #people.
>>752577795
T.b.h. I think that's how everyone's first hand job goes. Mine:
>we were making out on my couch and I was incredibly turned on.
>I already rubbed her off and she wanted to return the favor but through no fault of her own I just couldn't cum.
>She came over the next day and tried again and
>I came but it felt really underwhelming.
>We're still dating to this day and my sex life is fucking great.
I think that's just how it goes if you receive your first handy from a virgin female like I did and I'm assuming you did as well
>>752579207
>>752579491
try asian pussy. it's practically odorless (unless they have a yeast infection or are close to their period or during their period).... you can thank me now.
>>752579491
Im a firm believer in powering through and finishing the job. you hooked up with a random because you wanted to get laid, it aint gonna be great but its a lot better than your hand.
funky pussy is a good reminder to check how your balls smell before you hook up with someone because the reverse of that shit totally happens and a lotta girls suck it up (lol) and deal with it
>>752579491
fucking kek. this sounds terrible. why risk talking to some random girl??? this is why i only don't go out. too much shit you can catch out here.
>>752579630
thats basically how it was, but without the happy ending. She put me through 5 months of drama hell, and now i have a good gf, and idek what she has been doing
>>752579597
>>>752578855 (You)
>here's a picture of her. doesn't really matter if you believe me or not lmfao i'm posting to entertain the #people.
Hey man, I never said I didn't believe you. You even agreed with my summary. I was just trying to keep things concise.
As for the lady, I definitely couldn't cum fucking that because I am a massive faggot.
>>752579754
THIS.
i always check the boys before going out. i refuse to be a statistic
>>752579858
and lets just say she basically set my fate, and made me afucking pussy when it comes to making a move
>>752579826
sooo you stay in the basement and jerk off indefinitely? come on.
>>752577379
>be me
>at party
>girl who likes me is there
>solid 4/10
>crooked teeth
>frizzy hair
>make a move since I'm drunk
>go to start going down on her
>oh god she hasn't planned on hooking up in a while
>long curly blonde pubes
>long enough to tickle my nose
>can't get that hard because of it
>finally get hard enough
>put it in
>the bedroom we are in has an adjoined bathroom
>one of my friends is watching through a cracked door
>just keeps whispering "destruction... destruction"
>he says it loud enough for her to hear
>she freaks out
>to this day I call her Rapuzel Pubes
>always say that he cock blocked me but he really saved the day
... she wasn't even on the pill and of course I didn't use a condom. I like to gamble.
>>752579646
>try asian pussy. it's practically odorless (unless they have a yeast infection or are close to their period or during their period).... you can thank me now.
This is a scientific fact, the PH balance of Oriental's fannies is damn near perfect due to their diet of almost exclusively rice and opium.
Also, their lady canals are sideways!
>>752578079
Did u get poop noodle?
>>752577379
The fact that I've never had sex, ever.
>>752580147
same here...sadly...
>>752577379
swallowing andy sixx warm log of shit
>same poster as the long ass story
>be me, 16
>sister picks me up from school
>ask her if she can take my gf home, who's 15
>she's cool wit it
> we take her home, and i go inside "for a minute"
>no one else home
>go upstairs and start to fuck this girl
>it's both of our first times
>feels pretty good man
>all of a sudden both of her little brothers walk in
>apparently they were home but just in the backyard
>kinda fucked up, gf freaks out
>i nut inside of her basically during all this because mama aint raise no quitter
>still kinda fucked up though.
>epilogue: we broke up like two years after this and 4 years later, she killed herself. never found out how.
>end.
>>752577379
there was this one time when mum caught me jerking off. the end
>>752580147
>>752580206
you're missing out. it's fantastic. its all in the head tho. don't try to mimic the porn stars you beat your meat to.
>>752579970
Shut up you autist
Man up or fuck off
>>752578547
He blew in 1 sec
>>752577379
who is she????
>>752579646
Never said I didn't power through. Had a half asian GF for 2 years. Smelt like McD's fishwich. She also bled in my mouth see above
>>752579932
Wanna spice things up for the ladies or lads? Keep it seasonal! Put a stick of cinnamon in with the boys for a cheery Christmas aroma! Everyone enjoys a nice mulled ballsack in the winter.
>>752580038
You’re a huge fucking faggot hairy pussy isn’t even that bad unless it smelled bad
Your friend is a jealous cunt and you’re a child
>>752580038
>>make a move since I'm drunk
>>go to start going down on her
wait..back up..when did you get the opportunity to go down on her?
Drunk stupidity for me
>Several years ago with old girlfriend
>Got back to my place from a night out drinking
>Get into it, make it to the bedroom
>GF on bed taking off clothes, I go turn out the lights
>Think it would be funny to jump on her in the bed in the dark (was fairly drunk)
>Didn't realize she had sat up
>Ong Bak flying knee'd her in the mouth
>Busted open her lip pretty good
I can still hear the sound of her chin or my knee popping when I think about it. Felt so damn bad for it
>>752580425
hahaha...no. deodorant works fine.
>>752580364
BUMP
>>752580147
same
>>752580038
>long curly blonde pubes
Reason #27 why youngfags could not hack it in a real man's generation like the 1970s.
There's a reason you fags still live with your parents.
>>752580038
>long curly blonde pubes
you are a poor excuse for a straight male. fuck off
>>752580038
2017 Numale spotted
afraid of fucking hairy pussy. smfh.
>>752580662
she still was a 4/10
>>752577379
Worst sexual experience? Probs my first footjob.
>be me
>high school junior
>been dating this high school senior for like 2ish months
>sitting outside my room in the kitchen
>she starts using my crotch as a foot rest
>she starts rubbing my dick through my pants with her feet
>don't even have a foot fetish at the time but obviously getting my dick rubbed with *anything* by a *size zero brunette high school senior*, in the house alone, when I'm only a junior, will make me hard
>she notices
>gets up and gestures to the bedroom
>start making out in my bed
>g.f. unzips my pants
>g.f.: "lemme try something"
>g.f. starts jerking me off with her feet
>I'm so close to cumming and she randomly stops
>g.f. switches to handjob
>can only moan "finish me with them pleeease"
>she thinks I mean both hands and uses both hands like a fucking loon and I have to literally pry her hands off and grab her feet and finish myself
>couldn't look eachother in the eye for a good 10 mins
I later found out though she had a huge foot fetish. Later in the relationship she would almost always initiate sex with her feet or socks or shoes somehow and would always rub herself off while giving me footjobs and finish waaaayy before me. And she'd love jerking me off while making me lick her toes or smell her socks/shoes. After a short while I got into it though and now it's basically the only kind of porn I'll fap to so she fuck me up pretty bad l.o.l.
>>752577379
>tried to fuck girl at party
>wasn't having it
>jacked off and put dick on her face when she was asleep
>still shudder to think if she woke up I'd be a sex offender.
>be me
>never had sex
>>752580860
Convicted sex offender*
Just cause you get away with doesn't make you less of a degenerate.
>>752580860
fake
>>752580820
YOU FOUND A FREAQ. KEEP HER AS LONG AS YOU CAN.
>>752581069
Not fake actually. Like a beta I asked to fuck, she said she had a boyfriend.
Waited for her to pass out, rubbed dick on face then drove around for like 3 hours looking for an address from craigslist.
>>752581059
But I'm not a sex offender. Sjw fag.
>>752581181
ok then you are for sure a sex offender. only a matter of time before you are caught.
don't do that again. you got lucky
Friend of hooked me up with his cousin. She was fat, but had amazing tits. Like... Really amazing tits. She was pretty, too. We go to a movie, watch "shallow Hal" totally awkward. Afterwards we go to my apartment, make out for a bit. She sucks my dick... Then I go down on her.......
Holy shit. This girl had a wiping problem, or something. There was something really off down there. Cut the licking session short. Couldn't stand to kiss her afterwards because I was serious conscious about HER smell. I fuck her. She got super wet when she had orgasms. I couldn't cum because her smell was in my face, and I ended up just going soft. I told my friend the next day and then he tells her what I said. She then gets mad and starts to talk shit about my dick.
>>752581326
Nah man, I'm an opportunist.
You gotta take the good with the bad.
And always paint yourself in a positive light.
Crippled girl shit the bed.
Twice.
>>752581430
uh huh.
>>752581220
well you did put your dick on the face of someone that explicitly told you no, its a minor offense compared with like, full on violence driven rape, etc, but yeah, you kinda cant argue wiht that.
For example, you do that to my sister and i go break your legs, coz its onii-san priviledge only.
>>752581069
Lol ikr, Our 2 years is coming up soon actually and we're talking about getting a place together after we finish college. Let's see how the next two years go lmao
>>752581565
Fag.
A fat whore suck my dick in my car she is ugly as fuck and my dick cant get hard, and I get hpv
>>752580117
>Opium
Is that even legal
>>752581436
Lewd bro
>>752580320
You're not even trying homo and you're gonna die virgin
>>752581436
She was also a massive squirter, so I guess you can say she pissed the bed too.
>>752580320
>Mama raise no quitter
She raised a cock sucking disgrace whom she wishes death upon every single day and regrets ever letting a scumbag of a manlet to cum in her.
>>752580320
Fucking leave 4chan, we don't need such dumb fucking weaklings.
>>752580320
>I nut inside her
Dude at 16, that's like when women are the most fertile you are so lucky you didn't become a fucking teen dad
>>752582113
>>752582043
Samefagging this hard.
>>752577594
I'm confused. How is it sexual assault if it's a crowd surfer but not if she's in the band?
>>752577379
This didn't happen to me, but a girl I know was already really drunk, and started giving her bf a blowjob and she said he was aggressive when he was drunk so he was forcing it in her mouth too hard and she threw up on his dick. They broke up like 2 or 3 weeks after that.
>>752580038
Transfag throatboi, the golden fleece is the holy grail. You should kill yourself if you got some blonde bush and hated it. Faggot.
>>752582483
At least I don't make up some virgin fantasy and post it on 4chan while claiming it to be real. Have you ever even seen a real pussy except yourself on a mirror and your pet's of course?
>>752581983
how do i get a crippled gf
i dont mind wiping up poop
>>752582763
If you are certified as Famous, the collective public owns and is entitled to your entire body.
>>752577379
probably that time the hooker farted someone else's cum on me
>>752582830
Hell no, faggot!!! I've had plenty of true blonde chicks (live in Chicago... Full of polacks) and it matters none....
>>752582830
The stories and information posted here autistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a newfag would take anything posted here as fact.
>>752581983
that was piss, you fucking idiot
stop watching porn fuckwit
>>752583281
Implying whites even live in Chicago. Have fun in your mini Africa booty scratcher
>>752578441
>her pussy was pretty nasty, and i've eaten out a good 5 or 6 pussies
5 or 6? Well... which is it? Is that like being a half-virgin? That's such a small number it's not like it's enough to lose count. Is your brain damaged in the memory hole spot?
>>752583002
>ADMITTING to samefagging that hard.
Sorry your're so salty at >>752580320 because he fucked a bitch when he was 16 and you've yet to fuck a woman at all.
>>752583341
What do you mean stop watching porn? Can you phony fuck?
>>752577379
>took this thicc ass asian qt out on a date
>took her to a park, bitches love parks
>kept looking at her titties because they were big as fuck
>she noticed me looking
>my face turns red
>"oh, don't be embarassed OP-san!"
>"I...I've been wanting to show you something"
>puts on cow ears
>starts mooing
>tries to drink milk but fucks it up and just spills everything?
>udderly ridiculous
>stampede home with a bad case of blue bulls
>>752583641
I kek'd
>>752583484
Oooooooo you totally got meeeeee. Preach what you believe faggot. Go back to mlp
>>752583029
It wasn't hard. She was actually an old co worker of my ex wife. She was in a car accident within the past year or two. She was in a wheelchair most of the time, but could crawl in bed, could be on top, and could walk around the house using crutches.
I still see her on the dating sites, despite her looks. I'm sure being in a wheelchair turns away most guys.
>>752583433
Not sure if you've ever been there, but it's mostly white people. The are neighborhoods where minorities congregate, and of course that they're always around, but... Chicago is mostly polish/Eastern European, Italian, and Mexican, with a sprinkling of black and middle Eastern.
>>752583341
Nigger, can you read? I said it was piss.
Should I post a bunch of emojis instead so you can comprehend the message?
>be me
>23, leaving for basic soon
>go visit my fam back home before I go off to army
>best friend is getting married around this time, asks me to be a groomsman
>best friend's little sis is a fat chick who's had a crush on me for forever, recently turned 19
>bachelor party
>fuckingdrunk.jpg
>sitting on best friend's couch drinking beer after everyone is sleeping, out comes fat sister
>"hey anon" sits down next to me
>fuck this coy shit, I know what she wants, she knows what my drunk ass wants
>"not playing around, fat sister. You can suck my dick if you want. Nothing more"
>she's enthusiastic but inexperienced, this won't work
>"ok fat sister, let's do this. Here's your choices: condom and anal or bareback and you swallow"
>she chooses bareback swallow
>I'm a gentleman, so naturally I will pleasure the lady with my mouth beforehand
>worst mistake ever, smells and tastes like nasty fish
>abort oral pleasure and insert peenor
>drunken smash followed by spider monkey crawl up her body and slamming cock in her mouth
>laughing as I cum
>leave her room, piss and pass out on couch
>wake up the next day and remember everything
>ohshitnigger.png
Told her it'd never happen again and to leave me alone. Couldn't look at her the rest of the time I was home. Still laugh my ass off when I think about it.
>>752578015
>met a chubby Mexican girl
>we talked about fucking for a few weeks
>finally meet and go to her apartment
>start fucking in missionary under the blanket
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>switch to doggy
>sudden overwhelming stench of chicken of the sea
>start gagging, trying not to be an asshole and telling her it stinks
>cum on her ass
>immediately run to the bathroom and puke
>hop in shower to purge my dick of Old El Pusso fish taco residue
>don't say anything and just leave
>>752583706
> keep projecting desu
>>752583858
No, you should get off the 4chan and go outside instead. I would really appreciate it, if may be you could jump off a bridge or something.
>>752583712
>>>752583029 (You)
>It wasn't hard. She was actually an old co worker of my ex wife. She was in a car accident within the past year or two. She was in a wheelchair most of the time, but could crawl in bed, could be on top, and could walk around the house using crutches.
>I still see her on the dating sites, despite her looks. I'm sure being in a wheelchair turns away most guys.
I had a boss who had MS and I had to carry her from her SUV to work every morning. This was not in my job description.
I hated it at first, but grew to love the appreciation and affection she would show me for carrying her to her chair.
Due to her condition, she was very small- maybe 80 lbs total? I was really into petite girl porn at the time and totally wrestled my trouser snake to absolutely wrecking that pussy like multiple sclerosis destroyed her nervous system fam.
>>752580364
>>752580609
Name's fuko. Couldnt find anything on the source of the pic
>>752577379
>be drummer in a small rock band
>playing at a small venue in Denmark
>girl in the audience comes up to me after the show
>6/10 looks like the kind of girl who's out and ready to be oppressed
>hit it off
>take her to hotel a few minutes away
>hands all over each other already in the hallway
>get to hotel room, clothes comes off
>but where are the nipples?
>she litterally had these tiny little tips for nipples and it was hilarious
>nvm
>lay her on bed and kneels by the bedside to go down on her
>panties come off
>enter a forrest of ginger pubes
>can't go back now
>ignores the mild taste of tuna, grabs her thighes, pulls her to the bedside, ready to enter
>tip goes in
>doesn't go further
>she lays there like a starfish (the band refers to her as the starfish from now on)
>wat
>litterally can't get it in
>her talking about me being too big (be around average sized ~8cm)
>give up, looking for alternatives
>she's not into blowjobs
>begin saddest handjob in history, had to give instructions
>cum on her tits
>she messages the band the day after
>be reading about myself and my dick on her tumblr the following few days
>>752584009
upvoted!
>>752577379
Looking at a nip drinking a milk with big milkies and not having them in my hands...
>>752583953
Does this pic looks familiar to ya?
>>752584257
18* wow
>>752584395
Wtf where'd you get that? Who are you?
>>752584027
just flip her back over bruh
like a god damned pancake
or a burger on the grill
mexican pussy is caliente but the diet reeks havok on the booty. hot sauce and corn diarhea all day man
>>752584115
You're still posting?
>>752584727
>hot sauce and corn diarrhea
Idk why I laughed so hard at this
>>752584226
That's about how this was. I could easily throw her around however I wanted.
The shit was hard to handle. Never said anything about it, and I'm sure it was from not having proper muscle control due the accident. So I just threw the little turd off the bed, and never said anything about it.
In the end there was no real connection, and I knew it had probably been a while since she had sex. So essentially it was just a few week hookup.
>>752583953
You sound like a gigantic asshole.
>>752585328
She never bothered me again, and I had fun. What's wrong with that?
>>752582830
>>752580760
>>752580672
>>752580662
>>752580464
>>752580427
the inference of "she hadn't planned on hooking up for a while" means that it wasn't just hairy... it smelled bad.
>>752580495
Lmao this girl who loved me let me try kick over her head full force when we were wasted.. made it over the 3rd time.......
>>752580495
Had a fucking good laugh
>>752585414
>She never bothered me again, and I had fun. What's wrong with that?
Well, a sexually immature girl with body issues who looks up to you trusted you as a family friend was looking to explore her sexuality in a safe environment and you gave her the options of anal sex or unprotected sex?
>>752585910
Virgin white knight detected.
>>752580117
>Also, their lady canals are sideways!
Kek
>>752580117
Yea but their pussies are all blurry.
>>752586114
Yup.
>>752585910
Trusted family friend? Fuck off like you know anything about the dynamic there. Her brother and I both were huge assholes to her all the time. She had every reason to hate me for years, but chose some delusion to chase after that she liked me and I could one day maybe like her. She asked me the next day if we could do it again, and it was like me telling her no was what she needed to realize shit wouldn't ever happen again.
>>752586449
Oh so you're the good guy!
>>752586449
Hopefully you don't still act this way towards people.
>>752577379
First girlfriend in high school giving me her first blowjob and going too deep to soon and puking on my dick :c
>>752586503
>>752586561
Never said I was, and hopefully you can stop being a self righteous faggot.
>>752585679
I'm not a complete prick, i didn't intend on booting her in the head, twice..
I still laugh and cringe about it, feelslikeagoodbadfeelsmom.jpg
>>752586633
I can, and have done bad things for sure. Just try not to be proud of it :(
>>752577379
>20th birthday had a huge party and invited a girl I had a crush on for a while
>spent the whole night chatting with almost everyone(50+ people)
>flirt with said girl really heavily with the small snippets of time we had to chat
>girl complaining she doesn't have a bed that night so I offer her a spot on mine
>party starts to wither and mostly everyone has left so it's time to head to bed
>grab girl and tell her I'm heading to bed and she turns to the guys she was talking to and says good night
>before we even lay in my bed she climbs on top of me and we start making out
>she was 19, virgin, huge yet beautiful ass, and all around gorgeous
>I stop her and say we shouldn't do anything too sexual to ease her mind about my expectations of what's to come
>"you're right" she says as she goes in to kiss me again
>she starts grabbing at my crotch and unbuttons my pants
>stop her and say "ok but that's it, nothing more"
>"I promise" she replies as she pulls down my pants leaving me in my boxers as she continues rubbing my cock
>she pulls my cock AND balls out of my boxers but doesn't pull them down so all my shit is scrunched up
>she grabs my dick and basically starts hammer-fisting my beanbag into oblivion
>the pain was excruciating but I really had a thing for this girl so I hesitated on saying something
>hits me so hard it seemed like an elbow drop from the top rope straight to my nut
>let out the gayest noise ever
>"you ok, anon?"
>"no"
>mfw
>>752586704
Like I'm proud of fucking my best friend's fat smelly sister. Is this the sexual encounters I'm proud of thread? Oh, that's right, it's the WORST sexual encounters thread. I'm not proud of anything about that night... But it's still hilarious to remember crawling up her body like a degenerate monkey.
>>752586809
My fucking sides!
>Be 18
>Be at Uni
>Have fun study group
>Do everything together
>Having drinks on a Friday night to celebrate Uni break
>Drinking at this hambeast named Lydias house
>Shes 26 and like 80% retarded but she had a cool apartment
>Drops on us that her sister is staying with her for the holidays
>Only myself and another guy in the group so she tells us shes 100% off limits
>We agree mainly because based on how gross Lydia was surely she would be as well
>Wrong
>I was drunk but she was a solid 8,5/10 godess
>Do want
>start playing drinking games and everyone is getting pretty hammered
>Not a single chance to talk to her
>Night starts to die out and everyone starts heading to bed
>I always sleep on the couch so I just curl up
>Lights go out as Elise heads into Lydias room
>"Oh well"
>I just dick around on my phone for a bit
30 minutes later
>"errrrrrrrrrk"
>"Anon you awake????"
>"Yes??"
>She literally jumps on me and just starts grinding her face against mine
>wtfishappening.jpeg
>Try to go with it but I feel like my gums are starting to bleed
1/2
Tinder date gone wrong as always
>be me, 25 havent gotten laid in awhile
>live in hawaii, shitty dating scene
>send girl i ghosted on tinder a you up text
>last night on island, wants to give me leftover weed
>dont smoke but can sell it
>meet at beach after i get off work
>Holy catfish Batman, a land whale
>say fuck it. Just gonna drink and smoke with her
>she gives me a 12 pack of beer and a half oz of pot
>smoke a joint. Watch stars, would have been nice but she had no personality
>asks if i wanna go skinny dipping.
>aint nothing skinny on the beach
>oblige her because i am a whore at this point
>Grab her and roll her off to try and get some air
>Mask it by taking my shirt off, she starts to as well
>Grab her again and just start clawing her pants off
>Feeling so violated before I just want to fuck
>Literally just hurl my dick into her and start going for it
>Be fucking for like 5 minutes when I hear it again
>"Errrrrrrrrk"
>Holy fuck its Lydia
>My fight or flight response kicked it
>Lydia had like 40kgs on me, I had to run
>Throw Elise off me and get up and run
>Feet tangle on jeans
>Downshegoes.exe
>I slide across the carpet, carpet burning the whole front of my body
>Just lay there
>Wondering what I was doing with my life
>Lydia walks to the fridge
>Gets a can of coke
>Straight back to bed
>areyoufuckingkiddingme.docx
>Run to bathroom and it is not good
>all the skin ontop of my shaft and top of my knob is gone/bleeding
>Elise runs in to see if I'm okay
>Faints
>I just sit there and sob for a bit
>Collect myself and just start picking the fibres, hair, sand and whatever other shit is in there out
>Elise comes too and sits on the floor with me helping
>Cries the whole time
>Decide I should leave
>Drive an hour home with no pants on
>Get back to parents and try to run inside
>Mum hears me and decides to come out and have a chat
>Literally just flash her my dick
>She just turned 360 degrees and went back inside
>Brought it up at my 21st in her speech
>Had to tell this story again
>Took 4 weeks to heal
>Full scarring on knob remains today
2/2
>>752578896
Hey new guy. You don't ask for comments, homo
>be me
>at friend's beach house with 10 other friends (about half chicks, half guys)
>6 beers, 2 xanax and a few tequila shots deep
>3/10 friend starts grabbing at my hand and giving me "fuck me" eyes
>literally on the verge of blacking out so go outside and spark up a joint
>as soon as I finish the joint she basically jumps on me and starts chewing my face off
>go to bedroom
>starts rubbing my dick
>can't get hard for the life of me, not even semi-chub just completely flacid
>start fingering her, wet af instant moaning
>dick still 100% flacid
>finally get a semi going and try putting on a condom
>in the time it takes for her to try putting a condom on my semi-erect dick it's gone back to flacid
>she tries jacking me off for another 15 minutes before I just say fuck it and leave
Combination of being way too drunk and xanned out + not being attracted to her in the slightest I think.
Bad breakup
Flew to Thailand
Banged a 9/10
Worst sex ever. Literally called my friend (who used to be a hooker) afterwards, and asked "how the hell can someone be so bad at their job?"
She responded that the typical person going there and paying for sex was not the same kind of guy to last a long time in bed and have had great sex w/ other girls.
Made sense.
Hired her again the next night, still awful sex, but finished on her tities.
Hired her a third night - didn't even bone, just chilled.
Still talk to her this day (a year later). She quit the biz after only 6 months, made a TON of money doing it though.
The tightest pussy I have ever had though. Claustrophobic kind of tight, it was incredible. The look on her face of winced pain as I was pounding her though? Not so incredible :( Thought I was going to split her open, and I am flat out average white dude.
Well let's see..
I also banged a couch once. It was a gay mans couch too.. hmm the cushion I heard got pregnant and is living somewhere in Alaska with my couch baby.
I once was eating out an ex gf and i thought maybe if i used just a little nibble she might like it (she liked love bites and shit) >nibblenibble.gif
she liked it a good bit. Moaning and shit. I nibbled a little more. She liked it even more so i kept doing it. she grabbed my hair cause she was liking it. Kept asking for more. Then iguess i gave a really good nibble cause she pulled on my hair really hard. REALLY hard >instinct kicks in
>clamped down
pierced her labia with my tooth and bruised her pussy. We didn't fuck for a month and she never let me go down on her again.
>>752587549
Cont
>we get out the water and she immediately starts sucking my dick
>not bad, not great, whatevs
>she tells me she wants to ride my cock on the beach
>she sloppy drunk tries to ride my dick but just gets ys all sandy. Says we should go back to her condo
>agree because im a gigilo now
>rinse off in seperate showers.
>Chug a few beers and stay hard watching porn on phone.
>Make preparations for extraction
>she gets out of shower in ill fitting lingerie.
>leads me to bed and again starts sucking me off
>push her back and insert my meat thermometer into her ham sandwich looking cunt
>no condom
>gotta pull out.
>she immediately gets on her kness like a slut
>cum blast her face and hair with calculated precision
>she has to shower again cuz cum in hair
>rob her of all her beer, cash money and a fifty dollar mcdonalds gift card
Over all... best free meal and worst 300 dollars i ever made
>>752577379
>fuck a virgin
>start with reverse cowgirl so she can control first penetration
>because im a gentleman
>she barely moves once shes fully on me
>puts all of her weight on me
>begs me to fuck her harder and faster
>get really tired
>transition to doggy
>3 seconds in
>stench of raw ass and shit
>almost throw up on her back
>boner immediately goes to 50%
>manage to finish up
and then she tried to shame me for ruining her first time by not going down on her and having a little dick
>>752584027
>Old El Pusso
fucking kek'd
>>752588096
she have dingle berries or something?
why did it reek so bad???
>>752586809
you made my jaw go into cramp i kek'd so hard you cunt
>>752577594
Basically you're a fucking soyboy faggot
>go to Thailand
>meet hot girl
>fuck her brains out
>condom torn inside her
>unknowingly nut in her
>post-orgasm panic and terror
>bring her to pharmacy next day to get Plan B
>notice her date of birth when she takes out ID
>quick math and realise she has been 18 for 3 days
>witness her taking and swallowing said plan B
>disappear
>be tested for std back in your country
>be clean
>thank the gods for their divine intervention
>rinse and repeat
Pic totally related
>>752583743
Lots of Puerto Ricans too
>>752588272
a car accident gave her mild brain damage years before i met her. i check her fb every few years and now she has a helper dog and an elaborate system of alarms to remind her to do things like laundry and cleaning.
she didn't have any of that when i knew her, so im guessing the bitch just hadn't washed her ass for a few days.
>>752587944
Left out the part where i saw used condom tucked ubder the bed.. thank god some one used one
>>752588594
Bwahahaha fucking retarded chicks
Well done bro
>>752588096
>raw ass and shit
mmmm, fish and cheese!
>>752588722
not my proudest moment but she had big ol tiddies so it wasnt a complete wash.
>>752588354
Lmfao
>>752588354
>plan b
>leaving the country
what, did you have to submit ID to buy a prostitute? just leave lmfao.
>>752589674
She was in my hotel room, knew where I was staying.. plus I really didn't want a bastard child of mine being raised in Phuket lol.
>>752583435
good stuff mate!
>be 20
>get a girl I really wanted to get with, like, desperate cuck shit, "she's my whole world, all I think about" kind of faggitry
>be on anti depressants at the time
>dick unstable
>fuck her for 5 minutes, all going well so far
>unexpected boner loss
>shame
>more shame
>moving cities just so that I never have to see her again
>>752578000
Same
>>752577379
Fucking awesome!
Being molested by a teacher at my school when I was 14.
>>752588272
You really must be a rook
Sometimes when you hit a girl from the back, you get a whiff of her booty. It just happens.
>PRO TIP
Use a fan on low pointing at you both and the booty smell isn't as strong
Intense moment where Im about to suck her pussy. I pull down her panties to discover a huge shit stain. Didn't went down.
>>752580495
My fucking sides
>>752590227
Bro. That sucks. That will make your wang crawl inside you.
This is why eating a girl out isn't just a spur of the moment thing. You have to do it on a day you know she's showered .. hasn't just taken a dump etc..
Once was hitting a girl from the back vigorously
>dick accidentally slips out
>changes trajectory
>goes into her asshole
>instantaneouspain.jpeg
>pull dick out
>bloody looks like i broke it
>freakout.exe
>go to hospital
>doc says i have a penile fracture
>mfw
>>752577594
Sexual assault =/= grabbing a lessthans ass, anon. If that's the case, lock me up because I'm a serial sexual assaultist.
16, with a girl whose a year younger. First sexual experience.
Been taking anti-depressants for years, needless to say depression since a kid.
Finally have a solid 8/10. We start casually dating.
She wants to "take the next step" so she reserves her virginity for me, tells me I'll be her first.
She plans out the exact day when we'll both have our first time.
One week prior, I switch prescriptions. My psychologist isn't happy that I'm still suffering from my depression (although it's not nearly as bad as it was before or since).
Take Emsam, the worst fucking SSRI ever made. Can't urinate, feel sick when I started taking it, can't sleep, can't get off it without withdrawals. And can't get an erection to save my life.
Warned my first gf that I'm not ready and she says it'll be fine.
First time we tried, wore a condom of course and couldn't get erect. She at first doesn't seem to care. Understands that I could be "nervous" (I wasn't).
Second time, still nothing. She gets upset. I tell her why, she doesn't believe me. We end up just making out until she storms out in a fit of rage.
Third time, literally begs for me to fuck her. Says she'll take plan b and I can come inside, do anything and everything I want as long as I have sex with her. She even swears she'll prevent pregnancy.
I fake it for a while, but there's no hiding it. I can't get up to save me and she eventually notices.
>She ends up crying, I again tell her it's due to the meds I'm taking. She (cunt cunt cunt) doesn't buy it. Says I don't think she's attractive.
At this point we were together for about four months, was my first relationship.
>She never sees or talks to me again. We went to the same school and never talked to me. So me being the tarnished little angsty snowflake I am becomes even more depressed for years.
>Takes me six years to summon the courage to try and lose my virginity, of course lying to everyone the entire time.
Even after losing it, never feel satisfied. Just ashamed and frustrated
>>752588354
So.. everything was fine. lol these are the worst sexual experiences
>>752577379
>fucked a gril in a public toilet for about 10 seconds,
>she decides she didn't want to continue.
>k.mpeg
>get itchy 3 weeks later
>fucking scabies
>gave scabies to my family
>fml when they know i fucked a dirty bitch
>>752590905
tough gig son. Stop beating yourself up. There's plenty of eligible hoes out there. you just gotta find a good one.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Got so desperate one summer I wound up trying to have sex with my dog. I didn't even find her attractive.
>>gf and me in bed
>>”watching” some shitty movie
>>get a blowjob thats not that bad not too good
>>cum in the toiler
>>we start rolling around in bed
>> take her pants off and start fingering her
>>she gets excited and gets on top of me to kiss
>>whip my dick out and try to fuck
>>put it in for good 5 seconds
>>dick limp as shit and no condoms
>>maybe next time
This whole thread is cash
>>752577379
Tried to fuck this 90 lb skeletor bitch with the face of an ugly boy and a vagina that tasted like tobasco sauce.
It was awful.
>>752577379
It was my 21st birthday and ide been bangin this chick in our clique for a couple weeks (proper normie, solid 6 nothin special) we all went out me a couple guys this chick and two friends. Got absolutely wankered on vodka red bull pitchers and weed and ended up back at a friends house with this chick. She was passed out and I was fucked and tried a bit of finger play, all went well but she kept saying no (we were fuckin previous so it’s not like first time) she eventually gave in to my charms and I fucked it for a bit till cum then fell to sleep..woke up she’s crying her mates are goin apeshit at me, ide fucked her with a tampon in and they were trying to coax it down in the bathroom (explains the please no efforts from night before) it was a tear fest, she was cryin, friends were goin nad at me for not stopping blah blah..worst night ever
Actually fucked her a few weeks back after not talkin for over 10 years.
Tl:dr fucked bird with tampon in, nearly sent her hospital in my 21st birthday.
>>752577379
Sobering up to realize that I dragged home a fatty. And then she didn't even put up because I didn't have condoms. And it wasn't even my home, I brought her to a friends place.
>>752577379
>fell for the cuck meme
>got my gf to fuck a nigger on skype
>instant regret, but couldnt stop fapping
>fapped to the video anytime i was mad her
>fapped to the video 5 to 7 times a day for almost a year
>shut myself in my room to fap to it for weeks at a time
>we break up, fap to it for another few months
I eventually stopped after i forced myself to delete it because it was ruining my life. Now i pretty much just want to be alone and never have a gf ever again.
>>752577379
I had a girl "accidentally" bite my dick whilst blowing me once. Thought it was bad when she'd, again "accidentally", scraped her teeth on my head, nearly punched her in head when she bit it.
I figure it was a fetish thing or something. Didn't let her mouth near my cock again.
>>752595201
If you can't enjoy getting your cock bit then you're a faggot.
>>752578305
I went commando in a new pair of jeans once, ended up having one side of my dick chafed to hell.
Wouldn't recommend it, was sore for days.
>2am
>Bars closed, on a busy college town party street
>Friend and I hopping on the motorcycles when we notice two qt3.14s looking at us and whispering to eachother
>Overhear one say "no way they would do that"
>initiate plan.jpeg
>"Won't do what?" I yell back
>"m-my friend thinks we could get a ride from you guys"
>"Well hop on then"
>wink to my friend as I hand one of the girls my helmet
>they're wearing slutty dresses and heels looking fine as fuck
>they hop on our bikes
>one of the girls says to take them back to their apartment
>betterthinkquick
>"uh, my friend and I are going back to my place for an after party. We got plenty of booze and a firepit out back if you wanna chill" i smoothly replied
>they really don't have a choice because we're driving.
>they were totally down and cool with that
>speed back to my place
>immediately go out back, light a fire, and pull out the vodka
>i try to sober up because I hate super drunk sex, meanwhile the girls start pounding vodka
>an hour goes by and my beer goggles fade
>holy shit they're fucking average ass hams
>just passable enough to fuck when drunk
>the only reason they seemed attractive is because of their outfits
>"Well uh, time to hit the sack i guess"
>I take the hit for my bro and take the uglier one back to my room
>sex was absolutely awful and lasted like 5 minutes
>both girls were on their periods
never again
raped a bitch, she didn't cry.
>Be me 20
>Meet chubby 5/10 @ pool hall, be drinking so she looks 7.5/10
>Get digits
>Talk a few times, but not horribly attracted, no date
>Month later see her again @ same place, in an eight month drought so horny af
>Oh hey anon how u been?
>Blahblahblahnormalchitchat
>Night winding down, now outside with her smoking
>Kiss and make out ensues, get into my car, make out more
>She starts kissing my neck, i grab her tits and rubbing her crotch, she’s into it
>Both of us still live @ home while in college, suggest hotel room
>She accepts, drive to nearest one
>Pay for hotel because gentleman
>Get in room and commence sex
>Realize I’m not remotely attracted to her, cannot get hard
>Room is frigid, turn heat up, doesn’t help
>Try everything, even imagining another girl, doesn’t work
>Figure if i finger her and eat her out for a while will change
>It doesn’t
>OK anon now want u in me
>Try to subtely let her know to suck my dick to get temp boner so I can get it in
>She’s trying to line it up to insert
>Starts grinding on my limp dick...WTF?
>Tell her i need some help like i just gave her (aka suck my cock)
>She’s clueless, looks @ dick and gets weird, is it me anon? Am i not what you need?
>Well yes but being nice, now mood is way gone
>Tell her just need a little extra mouth attention tonight
>Finally gets it & gives me some of the worst head ever, bobbing her head but not moving lips, no saliva or enthusiasm
>Finally get semi hard and immediately try to roll her over, she keeps bobbing & doesn’t get it
>Shove her off my dick and line it up, she’s all WTF?
>Get it in & have 5 min of uninspired sex, shes complete dead fish
>Lose hard on again and it falls out
>Try to make up for it and dry hump her, then try to at least finger her to cum so one of us can
>She rolls over, falls asleep
>Wake up few hours later & thinking of another girl get hard, try to wake her
>She’s not having it, no interest
>Car ride next AM back to her car awkward af
>>752577594
what a fucking faggot
>>752577379
>I am me and have very decent 4/5 girlfriend
>Gf is very fun sexually, super jealous though
>Gf brings up threesome
>Spidey sense tingles
>Gf comvinces me to try with her "hot" friend
>Tell her I legitimately dont want to, because I know she wont handle it well
>After days of begging and crying, I agree
>Day of threesome, "hot" friend is landwhale
>Solid 1/5 at best
>Her mouth taste like cigarettes
>Vagina smells like fish and cigarettes
>Cant even stay hard enough around her to put it in her OR gf
>They try giving double bj, which makes dick alternate between semi hard and flacid depending on whose mouth it goes in
>After TWO hours of trying to get hard, big girl smiles and says "This was fun, but I gotta go. Thanks for the great sex! Lets do it again this weekend."
>Next day, gf is hysterical crying
>Says she feels like I cheated on her
>Cant believe I could "go through with it"
>No amount of trying to prove I wasnt interested by referencing my soft dick works
>Gf claims I was soft only cause I wasnt alone with landwhale
>Gf claims landwhale loved it
>Gf honestly thinks I am going to leave her for landwhale
>Spend months trying to patch gf's feelings
>She still brings up the time I "cheated" on her to this day
>>752595648
What a fucking cunt.
Found an old female school friend on Plenty of Fish, she used to go out with my buddy.
Long story short, we went out and drank stupid shit on Tuesday night, vodka, Jaegerbombs, washed down with beer.
She came back to mine and I fucked her, she was fatter than any other chick I’d fucked but had swallowed a boner pill so managed to squirt jizz all over her. Next day found her slimy knickers, an earring and £1.24 in cold hard cash that had dropped out of her coat while I rammed her on the rug. Toxic bitch blocked me on WhatsApp last night, no gratitude from that bitch!
>Be me, 20 year old in college
>Haven't been laid in a year
>Spend my days studying, smoking weed, watching netflix and jerking off
>3 am
>Yik Yak is big at the time, basically an app for anonymous shitposting
>See a post, "Any guys in Sylvan wanna smoke and fuck?"
>Live in Sylvan
>Have weed
>Say fuck it, reply
>I go to her place 10 minutes later
>Holy shit, she's actually cute
>Maybe 5'6", skinny, bleach blonde hair
>Go up to her room, puff a few spliffs
>Talk for an hour because I'm too beta to make a move
>Typical boring college girl
>Eventually she goes "Dude it's 3 am. Maybe we can make out for a bit?"
>Fuck yeah gonna pound this bitches brains out
>We start the foreplay
>Take her top off
>Pierced nipples
>I got a baguette in my pants
>I start fingering her
>She's moaning, gonna cum
>I cum first
>All over her stomach, literally before she even touches my dick
>She makes a disgusted face, tries being polite
>"It's okay anon, it happens. I'm gonna shower up."
>I leave as she's in the shower
>Go home, smoke some more
>Wake up the next morning neck covered in hickeys
>Pass her by once in a while on campus, we both avoid eye contact
>Still chuckle to myself when I think about that shit
>>752586633
You actually sound like an aspie
blonde crack whore (literal prostitute) who came to my room at the beverly hills hilton in the 90s smelling like an ashtray, body like a concentration camp, wild eyed and gross.
did i fuck her? yes I did.
>>752595648
holy crap that's hilarious, sorry dude
>>752590148
jesus you must bang a lot of fat girls.
>>752580495
thank you for that i needed a good laugh
>>752577379
>>752577379
>>752577379
>>752577379
forgive english, i am Russia.
i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.
wWe sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.
I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
>>752581662
excellent story
my story:
a girl gave me a handjob on my birthday back in the day. i must have been excited bc i shot a fat load straight into my eye/up my nose, i started screeching, she became distraught and fell out of bed, i tried to run to the bathroom and kneecapped myself on a low table, it was chaos
happy birthday to me
I think i once accidentally had sex with a retarded girl. She was only mildly retarded.. And I only even realized afterwards.
>>752584541
its your dad
>>752597228
story
>hanging out with this chick friend of mine from high school
>we’ve been talking and kinda but not really a thing
>we had sex a week prior
>she’s older than me by a year
>she buys some boos and asks if I want to get drunk
>I’ve never drank really but I say okay
>I drink like 7 shots of whatever she bought
>I get off my ass hammered
>she turns off the lights and I fall asleep
>I wake up and my pants are off
>I feel her throw a leg over me, she straight up fucks me for 2 hours and I cum inside her twice
>to this day I feel like I may have been raped
At the loveless motel and restaurant out on Highway 33
The matchbook says call for reservations
Country ham and biscuits, delicious steaks
I met a woman there one night
No moon, just, just diesel trucks
She kissed me like she was hungry so we got a room
In the morning she looked like a horse
Smoking little cigars
Playing these tapes of her husband
She says "Doesn't he sound like Elvis?"
She makes champagne out of 7-Up and cheap wine
Like a chemist
Next to one of those insect electric chairs
Her skin gleaming blue every time a fly died
I read in the funnies, I laughed anyway
"Something's burning somewhere" I said
"Yeah, it's us" she says
"You both want coffee?" the waitress says
Yes, two, two coffees
That's perfect on this cold, dim, fluorescent morning
And a couple of those donuts over there, right Doris?
Right Doris?
Earth to Doris, earth to Doris
Come in Doris, earth to Doris
>>752597256
There isnt really much of a story.. It happened like 8 years ago. Im pretty sure she replied to a post on craigslist I made.
She wasnt too far from me, and I wanted to fuck that day, so i pressured her until she gave me her address. I dont know how old she was. She lived with her parents in a childish looking room, but appeared to be maybe 20? I thought maybe she was just very immature.
Anyway I get there, tell her to let me in, we go up to her room, and shes on her period, i basically have her get her clothes off, and i fucked her and came inside her without a condom. Then I got up and left.
After the fact.. I considered, the way she wrote.. the way she spoke.. her childish room.. seemingly advanced age for such things.. I determined she may very well have been a down syndrom girl. She wasnt attractive at all, but also not fat. Overall terrible sex. I pretty much deleted this experience from my memory until i saw this thread.
Ive fucked over 50 girls and have 4 bastard children.
Best/worst/only...
>>752595648
abort mission, anon. Trust me, you do not want to stay with a person like that. Someday she'll guilt you into marrying her and later she'll have a mental breakdown, cheat on you, and run away with all your shit. The signs are there
>>752586449
what an asshole
>>752579597
She's really cute.
