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ITT: post the story of your worst sexual experience

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ITT: post the story of your worst sexual experience
Tried jacking it while drunk once.
Used a friend's onahole I found in his house, I got a rash on my dick for a week or two
This fat chick sucked my dick like a dog goes after a chew toy. It was awful.
>be me 19yo
>last year of High School
>been trying to hit on hot 9/10 girl for ages
>during a school trip finally she starts flirting back
>we meet up at evening and lay on the same bed while touching each other
>we walked a lot during the day
>her feet hurt
>she lets me give her a massage
>im a footfag
>get boner
>she sees
>starts kissing me
>starts going down
>she succ
>everything I feel are her teeth scratching on my dick
>try to ignore the pain hoping she'd get better with time
>start bleeding
>get the fuck off
>go back to my room
>cant even jack off cause my willy is wounded
Tried to jerk off an MDMA, just gave up after an hour or so

>out with friends
>meet up with some friends of some friends
>see hot girl, obviously like me to
>take hot girl home
>leave the club, tells me she lives not too far from club
>go to her place
>things getting hot
>starts blowing me
>worst blowjob ever
>way too fast and rough about it
>time to get some pussy
>wants me to go down on her
>i pull her panties down
>promptly leave, despite her protests
>didn't even say a word
>friends of friends give me the stink eye everytime i see them from now on
Got my mom pregnant.. Now I'm my brother's dad
>not going down on a girl because she has a bush

you some kind of homo, son?
Be a man and shave it yourself
poor willy :(
>Muh moomie sookrd meh peepee.
>not having one
Banged a $20 street whore in a deserted gas station on a piece of cardboard in Honduras while she told me to hurry up after 2 minutes. She wore leggings and only took one leg of them off to add to the gruesomeness.
>used to hang out with celebs and stars.
>this guy calls my attention. Big shot
>cannot tell you his name. It would be too obvious
>night goes on, drinks come and go.
>lets get this party home
>why the fuck not?
>get to his flat. try to get him hard
>there is no dick.
>not a small dick.. not a dick at all
>guess that´s why he's the host of a child´s show
>next morning swithc tv on and there he is,
>singing this stupid song, I love you, you love me...
>I guess it was the fucking bourbon that made me colorblind, but this asshole is green and purple
>he's got the cash, but not the dick

>calls out homo
>calls him son

You saying your blood is gay?
Fucked a normal girl after coming oit of a 2 yr relationship with a kinky who liked to get spanked, choked, abused and fucked like a ragdoll. I fucked the normie like i would my ex and she got so scared that she told me to stop and take her home. The car ride was probably one of the most awkward times of my life.
Tried anal for the 2nd time with GF, shit on condom.. feels bad :(
where the fuck does one acquire such a girl?
Jesus christ i need sleep- that looks like the work of a retard
the fuck is wrong with you?
She was a hot af asian lawyer. I hit the jackpot with that one
Find date on matchdotcom and it's pretty obvious that she's kinda out looking for a lay. I was happy to oblige. Had an ok time at dinner... get back to her place and she's pretty casual about what's about to happen. She was actually a yoga instructor.. and had a great body... bit I couldn't get it up. My stupid dick needs to be comfortable and emotionally engaged to get it up. I've had this shit happen to me countless other times when I was with a chick just for sex. Fuck you dick. Fuck you.
Green text this shit now anon
>foreplay with a girl i met at a club earlier
>fingering engages
>fucking soon to commence
>smell my finger
>smells like mordor
>i instantly gag and my boner fades like mist in the sun
>no sex, only awkwardness
Not my own story, but it happened to a friend of mine

>he was at a party with some friends and friends of friends from highschool
>they get drunk, and he starts flirting with a hot chick
>when party is dying, he takes chick home to himself
>chick says she just have to go to the bathroom
>eternities later she comes out
>my friend had already fallen asleep bcuz wtf is she doing out there
>she wakes him up, they fuck, he says it was a really good fuck, and she had a nice shaved pussy
>they fall asleep
>next they the girl is already gone when he wakes up
>he goes to the bathroom to take a morningpiss
>His fucking razor is in the sink, with tons of hair in it
>the chick went out to shave her enormous bush with his own razor just before they fucked
>she didn't even bother to wash out all the pubes, or clean the razor
>they never spoke again
that would have to be the time i was pounding this chick from work and i accidentally shit myself because i was drunk and im not talking a minor accident either. She immediately gagged and threw up in my cat's litter box. She called in sick the next day thankfully which gave me enough time to type up a short resignation notice.
> me 18yo virgin
>desesperate to lose virginity
>went to a college party outsite town
>3 day party, so people would camp there
>get in bus to go there
>whoa shit every girl in this shit is ugly
>star drinking in the bus
>suddenly they all start to look good
>hook up with a asian chick
>bitch is ugly as fuck
>cant kiss her beucase her breath smells like vomit
>just fell asleep in there
>next day in the party
>looking for a chick to hit on
>see ugly asian chick
>thinks fuck it, at least i know i will score
>hook up with her in front of everyone
>bitch thinks i am her boyfriend now
>start acting like it
>fuck it again, at least now idefinitely i will score
>take her to my tent, start making out
>bitch doenst want to fuck
>oh boy what do i do
>try eating her out, always wanted to know how pussys tastes anyway
>tastes like raw fish, start thinks all girls tasted like that
>allmost throw up , oh boy i maybe turn gay because of it
>bitch still doenst want to fuck
>so drunk i give up and pass out
>next day same shit
>see her at the party
>she tells me that if i act was her boyfriend she would let me fuck her
>do the same shit, dance with her hug and shit..
>finally go to tent, bitch is now naked
>no roleplay this day, coundt even think of the taste of her pussy
>just make out, put a condon and stick it in
>fuck her straight for 30 minutes
>oh boy i maybe be natural porn actor
>oh boy no, my dick starts to get flacid
>turns out i just dont cum with condons or i was to nervous idk
>fuck it , take out condon, bitch doenst want do do without, either me
>jerk off while fingering her
>cum in a old underware
>terrible experience, bud glad i was not virgin anymore
>take courage to try it latter with another girl, and this time she looks good
>turns out her pussy doenst smell or taste bad at all
>sex was great
>start thinking how fucked up was my first time

My ex barfed on my chest & stomach while druk off her ass riding me.

Didnt dump her right away but it was all downhill from there
I hope you know this makes you just as degraded
I am a guy who was "raped" by a lesbian. Worst sex ever followed by being thanked for convincing her she was gay.
what a pussy
fuck these guys. i dont blame you. too much hair. i eat a trimmed pussy. not a full bush though

Doesn't matter...had sex
>About 4 months ago match with a cougar on tinder
>she's 42 I'm 30
>looking hot, huge boobs and kinky chat
>drive 15 minutes to her town to fuck her
>encounter a fucking land whale, bitch just cropped the loads of fat of her pictures
>make her suck my cock, cum on her face and asked to go to mcauto with her face covered with my cum
>fucking fat bitch paid for my big mac
Every girl likes dominance in some degree. You can do it with anyone, just need to find her limits
>kissing cousin
>she likes it
>show her how to french kiss
>she really likes french kissing
>we regularly kiss and suck each others tongues
>try to put hand down her pants
>she says no
>erection is devastated
i think this is made up
Fingering a 10/10 polish girl accidentally shoved fingers up ass. She tightened up it was awkward
>fucked a girl
>it was good.
That's the worst it's been for me.

>>my very dick is being torn to shreds
>>don't say anything and make her feel awkward

Proof perfect that having sex doesn't save you from betadom.
Well yeah you were at a club.

Dumb dumb.
you don't say...
crazy abusive ex wants to try knife play (this was back when we were dating

i agree

she whips my cock out and starts scraping it with this old knife blade she picked up from an antique shop

feels good at first, then too much

can barely take it, scared as hell

want to tell her to stop, afraid she might hurt me if I do

she gets on top of me and starts riding me, places the blade against my neck

get raped

don't want to say no in case she cuts me

see her look into my eyes with pure hate

i used to think this was someone who loved me

i don't want to continue, but it physically feels good and i cum while simultaneously feeling worthless and i hate myself for letting it happen

Yup, I'd say that's my worst sexual experience.
Sex? What the fuck is that?
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>be me
>warm up and start hitin it.
>in some point go to the secon hole.
>she fart.
>i almost vomit there...
>the most toxic shit i never smell on mi entire life.
>do not even bother in finish.
>cant maintain the damm erection.
>literally just put mi pants on and leave she naked there.
>at least she understood and all ok, we finish that deal like 2 weeks before.
>that smell haunt me for months.
>be in ninth grade
>riding bus home
>7/10 grill starts flirting with me
>she gives me her number
>I get home and text her
"Hey! Hold on anon, gotta shower"
>About fifteen minutes later, I receive towel pics
"Do you like what you see, Anon?"


>We make plans to sneak out later that night and meet up since we live in the same neighborhood
>I sneak out at twelve and go to her house
>She sneaks out of her window with her cousin when I get there
>We all walk around the neighborhood and talk
>Her cousin seems nice, but is a huge cockblocker
>Eventually her cousin gets tired and walks home
>Girl and I start making out in the middle of the street (this is a rural neighborhood, so there weren't many streetlights or people driving by at this time of night)
>We end up walking to woods
>She tells me she's a virgin
>I glance towards woods, then back at her
Her: "You want to?"

>We go into woods and sit in a cleared area
>Start making out again
>Start to play "are you nervous yet" (basically you start at the kneecap and ask "are you nervous yet?", working your way up as she says yes)
>I get to vagoo and slowly pull her pants/underwear down
>Go down on her
>Since it's dark, I didn't notice her enormous bush until it was on my mouth
>Almost expecting Tarzan to swing by
>Troop through it because I want to impress, and I love doing oral anyways (except without all the fucking hair)
>She moans, making me diamonds, despite it being about forty degrees F outside
Me: "I brought a condom. Do you want to do it?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you."
>I didn't want her to regret this and cry rape
Her: "I want to do this."
>I slip condom on and start slowly entering her
>Get in rhythm
>She pulls out (easily double d) breasts for me to behold (personally I'm a fan of smaller breasts, but I'm not complaining)
>I start to suck on her nipples and we both laugh
>Over the next hour, we switch up positions and go at it
>I'm not that good, but doing decent for my first time I suppose
>She finishes
>I never finish, but at least I lost my virginity
>We make out a bit more
>Realize it's two a.m.
"I better go home, Anon."

>We start to put our clothes back on
>I can't find my cell, she can't find her keys
>We freak out
>I tell her to wait there while I go get a flashlight from my house
>I run home, go in through the back door, and start looking for the flashlight
>My dad's (then) girlfriend walks out of their room
>She sees the back door open and me with mud on the bottom of my jeans running around the back of the house
"What are you doing?"
"Have you seen the flashlight?"
"Yeah, it's in our room on the nightstand. Why?"
>I run into their room, grab the flashlight, and start to leave the house
>I run out the back door with the flashlight, saying "I love you dad"
>Make it back to woods
>We look around, still can't find our items
>Out of nowhere, headlights shine on as as it turns the corner then down the dirt road adjacent to the woods
>It's my dad's girlfriend's car
>We wait it out until the car passes
>Resume the search but never find our items
>We give up. She just sleeps on her porch that night.
>get home
>tell dad I lost my phone in woods
>he slaps me and has his girlfriend's son drive me out to the woods to search for phone
>we find it
>gets home and denies phone PIN until he gives up
"Go the fuck to bed."

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Still my fave
First time having sex I didn't have any condoms so I used some she had. They were too small and broke but I didn't realize because I had never had sex before. Plan was to finish with a facial but getting into it she started yelling to cum inside her and it was pretty hot so I did. Realized the condom broke after and we got plan B. It made me realize if she had refused I would have just been fucked because men have absolutely 0 rights when it comes to conception or what happens if the child is born. Wasn't able to have sex with anybody else because I was too paranoid about it for about 10 years. Even now I can only have sex with people I've known a long time and completely trust
The next morning was awkward as hell for me and my dad. Anyways, I went to school.

Text from her: "Maybe we should forget about this..."
>I'm down
>Get back from school later that day
>Dad's girlfriend says she wants to have a talk; my dad is still at work
>She's smirking like hell
"So I did a little investigating out where [her son] said he found your phone. Go look in the trash can."
>I walk to the kitchen and see a bloody condom wrapped inside of a tissue inside the bin (not sure why she brought it home)
>I go back to their room, she's in there laughing (probably expected something like that to happen sooner or later)
"I also found this in the woods"
>She hands me keys and a school id card
>It's her school id card
>Sixth grade
>mfw I had sex with an over-developed sixth grade girl that looked older than me

I told my dad what actually happened later that day and he was just relieved I wasn't doing drugs or having gay sex.
Green text nao
Was raping this chick and she got into it. Ruined it for me.
I feel ya on that. Same thing happens to me. Need an interest other than sex usually
Holy shit anon, I reckon you take the cake there.
Fucking quitter. Orgasms on mdma are unbelievably intense.
green text
Kek same
I was 26 she was 45 kinda chubby but she just wanted dick. Pull down her pants immediately smell shit. Like not wiping her asshole properly maybe didn't bathe for days. Immediately threw up and told her to fuck off. She then went on Facebook telling everyone I raped her. Messaged my family and everything. Called the police and everything. No charges since her best friend who was not crazy turned over her chat logs telling to the police. People still think I'm a rapist... lol
Fucking gorgeous hot bitch I met in highschool years ago. Had really really shitty taste in guys, hence why she fucked with me.

>at her house drinking 40s cause we're in high school and that's trendy
>were watching some weird movie
>drunk enough to kiss her
>things progress very quickly and before I know it I'm blowing the fucking biggest gallon sized load all over her stomach
>she looks visibly disgusted and says "ugh eww" and paws at it try to get it off

>I'm super embarrassed and she can see it
>comforts me and tell me it's fine she just didn't expect so much
>drink more and cuddle and shit

>she starts to go down on me out of fucking nowhere
>I'm too confused to get it up
>smells like beef and broccoli
>she pukes all over me
>runs to the bathroom
>I ask if she's ok
>she says "just get out"
>walk three hours home

>locked out of the house, grounded because I wake the parents up

>never talked to her again.
Me as well.

It was like trying to resuscitate a goldfish.
A slightly older boy basically molested me when i was 8 or so. He had my sucking his little weiner for a couple minutes. It was so gross I had to put an end to it. I ended up hanging out with his half retarded sister until my Mom picked me up.
>be me, 18 y/o fatty with somehow attractive gf
>going down for the first time
>lights are off (inb4 kek because he's a fatty)
>she's loving this shit starts pulling my hair and squeezing my head with her thighs
>shit tastes iron-y for some reason but first time so think nothing of it
>finish her off
>I go to wash my hands off
>blood on my face and fingers
>I just drank blood from a vagina, hello red wings

We both laughed it off because I'm a sick fuck and love eating out.
>love eating out

I know you do you fat fuck.
A lot of motherfuckers would pay good good money for this kind of experience. You got a drinking story there.
how do you not know what grade she was in if she lived in your neighborhood?
That sound fucking awesome.

Lucky bastard.

Eating out is my two favorite hobbies, it's true
You're not alone man
Dated this girl for a while. She's decent and had DD tits which I haven't dated a girl with huge tits in a while so it was fun. But she was fucking retarded crazy and not the kind that makes sex better. I didn't want to fuck her anymore and couldn't get hard when she tried. She broke things off after a month of no sex. No shits given.

A heard that she was upset after the breakup and fucked a lot of dudes and got the clap and the herpes. Dated a meth head club DJ who stole her car and got it impounded.
> 20 yo me about to start senior year in college
> 18 yo lesbian freshman going to crash with mutual friends
> guy friend has sexy time plans with girlfriend who invited lesbian to crash
> friends drag over mattress so lesbian can crash at me place
> no other plans, do friend a solid stop cock block
> 280# shaved head legbeard crashes on my floor
> talk a bit go to sleep
> Anon, can I join you in bed?
> Okay. Plenty of room
> Dyke slides hands into pajamas
> Don't really want to. Don't tell her to stop.
> Ergo scare quote rape. had sexes been reversed feminists would have my nuts.
> She pulls down my pants and puts my hand on her tits
> D cup, not bad
> She strips.
> Barely get it up
> She climbs on top and rides me
> Fat cow makes my dick go soft
> Slides off and diddles herself.
> Next morning, "Thanks Anon for convincing me i'm a lesbian"
>>Since it's dark, I didn't notice her enormous bush until it was on my mouth
>>Almost expecting Tarzan to swing by

I had only lived there for a year and there weren't many kids in that neighborhood
hahahahahaha best post all day
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Fuck this hot girl spread ass cheeks smells like ass
My eyes began to cry from the festering stench of the anus
Then the condom broke
Just happened today it was terrible
i mean i'm into crazy kinky sex, even knives- but this was another level of fucked up.

Since I've been dominated and humiliated by all sorts of women and loved it
worst experience was probably a devils threeway under a bridge with a black chick and a gay guy that somehow resulted in chlamydia
threeway started at a la cochina just to add
I remember reading this a few months ago

It's still gold
>be a few weeks ago
>house party
>everyone's wasted
>start making sexy time with friend
>she's a 9/10
>banging whilst out other friend is passed out beside us
>he awakens and asks to join
>boner is kill due to hilarity and awkwardness of situation
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It's a great ice-breaker
first time jacking off drunk is always weird.
also kek
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havent had any terrible experiences like ive read, but ill still contribute i guess

>December 31, 2015
>Girl i met at college comes over
we were friends with benefits for like a month, that was a month and a half before this
>i talked my way back into the walls
>she comes over new years eve
>around 7 pm
>kissing and whatnot
>bend her over couch
shes wide hipped, nice big ass
>start fucking, nothing but backshots
she was semi loose, had been busy since i had last talked to her
>pull out
>boner is gone
> walk around corner to bathroom, wipe her off of me
>kick her the fuck out
rest of the night was good, ended up starting 2016 off on coke, molly, lots of blunts and half a bottle of hennessy.
havent talked to, or seen her since i kicked her out

>mfw i literally left that stinky bitch in 2015
> smells like mordor
My sides
What smelled exactly?

pls elaborate
Was fucking a 7/10 in the ass one night. Told me not to cum inside and she wanted to suck me off. She got off my dick and I saw a little piece of shit on the tip. She didn't notice and finished me off like nothing was wrong. I never talked to her again.
>be me
>gf for 4 years
>decide to start cheating on her
>banging new girl in our apartment while gf is at work
>white sheets on bed
>mistress has surprise period
>blood everywhere
>she leaves out of embarrassment
>gf gets off work early
>just 20 minutes after mistress leaves.
>no time to change the sheets
>dark in the room, gf unexpectedly sleeps in period bed
>wakes up
>freaks out.
>i play it off like i had a bloody nose.
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This was bad.

>finally got the chance to fuck this bitch
>pic related
>she's been wanting my dick because i post videos fucking other girls on Snapchat
>she's watches my story everyday
>I don't ever post my face
>she requests for me to send her a selfie
>I do
>asks me to come over
>I go
>I arrive
>pockets empty, could be a set up
>condom in socks
>I tell her I'm outside
>she comes out
>let's me in
>I'm grabbing her ass as she leads me into her room
>she starts smoking, I don't smoke.
I continue to grab and do things to her
>she asks for me to fuck her
>I sit her and tell her to pull my pants down
>she's mesmerized, grabs and start sucking
>my dick is semi-hard but not diamond.
>I'm thinking too much.
>try to relax, she says it gotta be quick
>I put her in doggy
>put condom on
>and start to push my dick in
>I start to fuck her
>she tells me to stop
>because it hurts and I'm going to fast
>it's only been 5 minutes
>suggests for me to leave
>I do
>get home and feel beta af.

And til this day I still regret this, it happened four weeks ago.
for the most part it was her pussy, but i mean i didnt stick around long enough to investigate nigga i just told her to leave and then fucked off
Condom broke when i was 16 and she wasnt on birth control. Her period was 2 weeks late, scared the living shit out of me.
everyone goes through that. its called life
Once you go kinky you really can't do vanilla - I flipped a vanilla girl over and spanked the fuck out of her "FUCK!
My first time was with a semi chubby girl, we were making out for a bit and I started fingering her and I started to smell this strange stink, like the stink you keep inhaling cause its fucking weird and gross as the same time. So this stink is making it hard to get a boner and she started jacking me off, except she had the grip of a silver back gorilla. At this point with an Injured dick I start mending it myself as I know the grip it prefers, so I go to put the condom on. Once I get the thing on its so fucking tight it hurts the base of my dick so I just decide fuck it and insert into poon. She was a Virgin too so she was pretty tight. Surprisingly I was able to last longer than I thought but I think it cause of the pain, and after 10 min or so my dick starts to suffocate and the chub dies down. I ended up just ripping the condom off and beating off onto her stomach. The next time we banged pretty much the same thing happened so I broke things off. The stank got to me bros, it permeated the entire room. I even showered after and couldn't get the smell off my fingers.
My gf now though has a tight body and is tiny, no pussy stank so I go down regularly and get to fuck with no condoms, first 5 times fucking were all cream pies, shits amazing
Losing my virginity was so bad I thought I was gay for a while.
what's ur snapchat anon
ive had many a similar situation, except 95% of times there was no condom because no fucks
>I got one pregnant but she had a miscarrige
lil junior is out there somewhere
sorry, i dont add dudes.
This guy?
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I'm not a guy anon
Well I have had a lot in the past that were bad but here's some examples:

I was fucking a guy and he told me, while inside me, he had a girlfriend.

Guy was drunk as fuck and came in a minute; he paid for a room and everything and shit was horrible.

Hm, and one was more so I could have been killed but was young, dumb, lonely, horny that I met up with a random dude from an app and fucked in his creepy ass house. My slut phase was horrible.
>go by car to Germany from Sweden to have a session with a domina that is going to force me eat her shit.
>get blindfolded in beginning of session
>get needles in my nipples, drink piss, eat shit etc.
> blindfold comes off
>mfw I see a tampon string hanging out of her pussy

absolutely disgusting, period play is not my kink, ruined my memory of it all.
Well i've had to adapt- i have been with a lot of vanilla girls since and i've learned a valuable lesson from that scared girl
She's beat dude. Idk why you'd fuck her
I had sex wearing a condom once.
her ass is gold, pussy as tight too.
>>Crossplaying at anime convention
>>Get my crush in the hotel room alone
>>Likes my costume likes a lapdance even more
>>Suck his cock like a champ
>>Hold skirt in my mouth and get him to suck mine
>>Pushed on bed on all fours then spanked
>>Wai what are we doing on the bed onichaWHOA tounge up my ass
>>Never been fucked but im prepared
>>You can fuck me if you want
>>Let me just grab the lube...
>>Tries to jam it in like a gorilla with a jackhammer
>>Stumble across the room sending him tumbling and checking to see if ass isnt ripped apart
>>Mood is kinda killed and roommates are coming up
>met up with coworker of my sister's at a bar that had free game night
>meet her friends
>she's the bad girl smoker kind of chick
>30 years old, 5/10 body and 4/10 face
>Had fun playing games there
>Got in my car with her and drove to a bar her mom owned
>Met her mom
>Shot pool with her and left again
>This time she invited me over so we drove to her place
>Watched some retarded music videos for half an hour
>Things started to heat up
>She seemed overly aggressive about it
>We go to her bedroom and get naked
>She's being super aggressive and biting and scratching
>Pain turns me off
>Combination of pain and and alcohol make me go completely soft
>Try to get it back hard so I can penetrate
>Spit on my hand and try to jerk myself off a bit
>She offers to get lube
>I say no I'm fine
>She decides to go down on me to get me hard
>The smell of spit on my dick makes it smell kinda weird
>She goes down on me for a bit then stops and says she doesn't like it
>awkward as fuck
>slow things down a bit
>manage to get semi-erect
>try to penetrate a little bit
>she's not wet anymore
>says she's not turned on anymore
>she goes to the bathroom
>I lie there in shame not knowing what to do or say next
>She comes back
>I get dressed
>we hug and pretend nothing happened
>I leave
>Never met up again
One time I broke my dick on camera
>be me, 16
>dating a 6/10 girl
>first girlfriend
>go to her house to hang out and watch movies
>parents are out of town
>start making out
>one thing leads to another and we wind up in bed
>bout to lose my virginity
>kind of panicking inside
>go to eat her out
>smells absolutely horrid
>try to play it off by sexily sliding upward to her
>she pushes me back down
>sit straight up, look at her, and say, "nope"
>put on condom, then shove it in
>super tight
>fuck for a while
>couldn't get off because condom
>think maybe she won't notice if I take it off
>ninja the fuck out of the condom, then stick dick back inside
>oh fuck yeah much better
>going faster and faster
>start cumming
>forgot I took off condom
>"Anon wtf?! What if I get pregnant?!"
>we're both panicking, standing naked in the bedroom trying to get the cum out.
>just as we start cleaning up, we hear a knock on the door
>both of us frozen in terror
>her dad is like some mexican cholo looking guy
>her dad opens the door
>I freak out
>got on the floor
>did a 360, then started to walk the dinosaur

That's the story of how I became a man, /b/.
Please do continue, anon
you spelled condon wrong, moran
Whatever u say
You got dommed dude...
I can't even....
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>be me, 16yo in hs
>gf is 4'11" with huge boobs, sex is great
>she lived with her mom and step dad
>step dad is fucking huge biker dude
>he and I got along but he could crush me with his pinky
>doesn't think we're having sex
>sneak over at midnight one night
>hop on central a/c unit right below her bedroom window
>in like flint, no noise
>we get naked, start making out
>eventually start fucking
>all is going well and I'm about to nut
>then hear wood floor creaking loudly
>her dad is almost to the fucking door!
>butt naked about to cum hop off and make for closet
>biker dad opens door just as I carefully shut closet door
>starts asking wtf is going on
>thinking this can't be real!
>never been so scared in my life
>he finally leaves, I grab my shit and hop out window
>still naked except shoes on, clothes in hand
>step on a/c but slip on snow
>make a fuck ton of noise
>know that I'm caught and run for fence
>hop over tall wood where car was parked just on other side
>get in my car and speed away
>get home, jerk off
>go to school the next day, gf has black eye
>break up with her because fuck that shit

Pic is not him but the type of dude he was
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>be me, 24
>be in relationship of over 5 years
>we fuck a lot, it's usually pretty good
>we break up
>I sleep around with a couple like 6-7/10 girls
>again, usually pretty good, have no problem keeping it up and going for a while
>I have a friend who is only 21, dating a girl who is only 18 and she's a solid 9/10
>they break up, she starts talking to me, don't think anything of it because I figure she's way out of my league
>turns out I was wrong, she's into me
>we start hanging out, things start getting kinda serious
>she's way younger than me so I didn't have any intentions of a relationship but she's super hot and cool to chill with
>we start messing around a little, she lets me play with her tits and she rubs my cock through my jeans
>never have any actual time alone though, always at friends houses and stuff
>finally one day she says her parents are gone for the night, invites me to come stay the night
>I get there around 7pm, we're chilling drinking and watching movies
>little by little her clothes come off, as do mine
>I'm trying to play it cool when she finally says "aren't you gonna fuck me?"
>I take off my boxers, she slips off her panties and we get to it
>literally like three thrusts and I feel like I'm gonna cum
>try to stall, ask her if she wants me to put a condom on
>she says she doesn't care, I get up and put one on anyway and take my time doing it
>no use, still feel like I'm going to cum immediately, and I pretty much do
>like definitely in less than 20 seconds
>she doesn't say much
>we finish the movie
>ask her what she wants to watch next, she says she's actually not feeling well and I should probably just go home
>never talk to her again

>be me now 26
> meets bitch on tinder, she is a paki
> hang out with her the first time was super awesome thought i was in love
> next day some to senses fuck that love shit
>hang out a bunch more times before i tell her to come over
>watch a movie for like 30min before i go in for the kiss
>start making out and feeling mustache get in her mouth but dont care
>decides to start going down on her
>mfw a weird taste and smell ensues
> decide after 5 minutes time to try and fuck
> gets condom and puts it on and lose errection
> awkward explaination
> drives her back home, during this drive just awfull taste in my mouth
> comes home brush my teeth 2 times and wash hands but still onion nasty taste in my mouth and smell on my hands
> 2nd time she comes over i managed to get it in this time, pump 4 times and cum instantly in condom, WTF.JPG
> hang out 2 more times but each time i go in form the kill lose errection
> finally stopped hanging out with her and stopped trying to talk to girls since my dick dont work
>Almost expecting Tarzan to swing by

Holy keks that image!!!

My sides are gone
physically cringed reading this
That's fucked up. I never get why some parents act so pissy about sex like that. Just teach the girl about birth control and condoms instead of beating her ass.

But i've done the same before where I was the girl and snuck a dude in (I was in my late teens) and he snuck out right when they came in. I just pretended I just woke up and was hungry. Never caught.
>Be me years ago
>Move to new city
>Meet cutie on bus to high school
>Lives with uber religious grandparents
>Start getting sexually frustrated because limited contact on bus
>Lives 8 miles away from me
>Calls me late at night wanting my dick
>Ride bicycle 8 miles to her house at 2am
>Ride straight through a pack of coyotes
>Scared shitless
>Ninja my way around back into her bedroom window
>Her younger siblings sleep in the same room
>Try fucking her but adrenaline and siblings talking kills boner
>Hear front door of house open
>Nope the fuck out the window again
>Silently leaning against the wall of house
>Grandpa walks past corner of the house with shotgun in hand
>He keeps limping to the barn behind the house
>Ninja around opposite side of house and army crawl to my bike hidden in the tall grass
>Haul ass home thankful for the lack of buckshot in my anus
My ex gave booooomb head. But i was a hardcore meth head for awhile. I didnt shower ever and it was a hot day in summer. She was going down on me and blowijg me and threw up. I made her keep going as she threw uo twice more. Was awesome but gross
Lol that is a sad story m8
This Mexican girl too.

>I went to her house
>after she invited me over
>I arrive
>get inside
>just like the other bitch, this bitch likes to smoke high too....
>starts to smoke and asking me questions
>I tell her that I only came for one thing, and she should know better.
>tells me "fuck me annon"
>she wanted missionary
>I'm trying but she won't let me put my whole dick in
>we continue
>I put that bitch in doggy.
>I start to duck her and I'm going HAM
>I start to hit it putting all my dick in
>she starts to twist and complain
>"don't put it all in"
>I tell her that I'm sorry
>I slow it down and now she's calm
>I'm trying to bust but I just can't unless I'm unleashed
>I start to go hard again
>she throws herself on the bed and says that she can't do it.
>I be like okay, and walk out.
>I got very upset because I didn't manage to bust, and never fucked her again.

I got more stories to share.
which part more so the onion pussy taste or my dick not working well i guess both
Forgot pic.
>Road trip with some frat buddies to a girls college to meet up with this girl I had been in touch with
>Go to sorority house, ask for Fawn.
>Fawn's roommate Shelly comes down instead.
Fawn is kill
>Roommate goes out to console me and gets some dates for my frat bros.
>See a band playing that has played frat parties for us
>Go inside and the place is full of negros
>Act casual, get booth, order drinks.
>Me and Shelly go out to the car and start making out
>Negros ask if they can dance with our dates.
>Frat bros abandoned dates and come running out to the car.
>We bail leaving chicks behind.
stink finger reminds me of what could have been.
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Forgot pic again.
>be drunk as fuck at festival
>horny as fuck
>been kinda talking to this one 7/10 hippy chick
>see that she's now also drunk and possibly tripping
>start hitting on her relentlessly
>she's into it
>start rubbing her thigh and shit slowly working my way up her dress
>we try to go find private place to do the do
>there's no where but a couple portapottys
>fuck it why not
>go to porta potty
>she immediately starts blowing me
>she starts riding
>she lets me choke her and spank her, and kinky stuff like that
>about to bust
>suddenly there's some knocking and shit out side
>the fucking joint starts shaking
> rocking more and more
>panic but she's too drunk to stop riding
>I cum buckets right as this bitch tips
>cum and shit and piss everywhere
fucked a fat bitch once, and her vagina did smell like a sweaty armpit
Couldn't agree more. I'm actually a parent now and although I have a boy and he's still young, I'll absolutely teach him to be responsible instead of treating sex like it's evil or bad.

>Wounded Willy
Not the worst but kinda funny, was fucking my gf doggystyle, it was summer and hot as fuck, had ceiling fan on high, stood up to cum on her ass and got straight knocked out. Thank fuck it was wood and plastic and not metal.
this is why i don't fuck fat bitches
>they asked
kek mate
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>Fucking my girl
>She's getting into it, super wet
>I'm going to town like a pro, stamina of 1000 Olympic athletes
>She puts her legs up, ankles behind her head
>I go super deep, beyond the limits of mankind
>Feel something scratchy
>Withdraw, thrust again, deeper still
>Stabbing pain
>Pull out
>Bloody glans
>It's not her, that's fucking MY BLOOD
>Panic sets in
>"how can that be, anon, the doctor said you can't reach my IUD"
>MFW I impaled my dick on her fucking IUD
>Took 2 weeks before I could get hard again without piercing pain.
Wow lol
That's fucking terrible how easy it is to ruin someones reputation. It's like a fucking witch hunt, only now it's crazy chicks blaming normal guys for rape instead of children blaming normal chicks for banging satan.
You're a sick fuck
Maybe it wouldn't have haunted you if you had bothered to shower.
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that just made me really uncomfortable
Good for you cause those who make it evil end up having lil fucked up kids who turn into weird fucking adults with sexual hang-ups. Like me, pfft kek.
Shit man. Made the girliest giggle I have in years from this!
Shit dude.
It was probably musky af in there. Wouldnt doubt if she had a yeast infection or didnt clean properly. Your dick is fine, anon. You just need to find a girl you're actually attracted to. That first experience with her ruined that girl for you. It's more common a thing than you think.
i liked the "lol" at the end there
Kek. Good one anon.
:^) thanks anon
>be 17 y/o me
>meet up with gril
>one thing leads to a boner
>we're in the car
>hop in the backseat
>she succ me
>ignore the teeth grinding on my dick
>starts feeling ehhhhlright
>tell her I'm bout to nut
>she lifts her head up and asks 'huh?'
>splooge shot right to the eyeball
>she mad
>she real mad
>bitch look like a toaster strudel

I fucked her a couple times after that incident and then stopped talking to her. I got a few more stories like this one lol.
Who else read this in a Scottish accent
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Contribute b tards
>Traveling from Sweden to Germany

What the fuck is wrong with you???
story number 2 which is going in reverse
> be me 23
> meets awesome sexy asian bitch on webcam site
> she be 17, check laws and shit if its fines to smash, allgood.jpg
>drives 2 hours to meet up with her chill for a bit
>go for the kill
> never went down on a girl before so figured id give it a shot
> goes down on her shit tastes awful but keep going because whatever
> ends up fucking for like 9 minutes before dick dies, a little awkward but i play it off as if i got tired cuz i did get tired
> find horny goat weed cuz read shit works for penis
> take that shit next time i see her, boner rock hard
>we fuck and it was normal, allgood.jpg again
>2 hour drive so worth it every time
>3rd time i arrive, waiting for her, sees douche 17 year old with mustang convertible drop her off
> what a fag.jpg
> mad as fuck
> she brought subway and ate that shit while there
> we just laying in bed when i feel her squirm a little and then ever so slighty hear the tiniest fart ever, it was funny how she tried playing it off
> was still mad, fucking destroyed her with all rage inside me, scrathes the fuck otta my back
> 4th time hanging out she just finished her period like 4 days ago
> went down on her, OMG NICKLE FLAVOR GALOR MFW disgusted, instantly stop
> regular sex this time but less intense cuz she sensitive after period i guess
> not soon after find out she was cheating on me
> realize his dick and my dick where one at one point and being i ate her out feel gay cuz his dick was in her as well
> breakup with her and then 3 years later find out she got pregnant that month i seen her. top kek
Does everyone go soft after they cum?
I'm still rock solid after I cum
>be me at party with people from work
>still in the get way to drunk when out after a breakup phase
>the kind of ugly girl you stare at because eck
>caught me looking a few times before I was shitfaced
>thought it was admiration and not disgust
>totally hammered now
>go outside to a group there but no seats
>beastcreature gestures for me to sit or her lap
> decline (shitfaced but not at max level)
>time + more drinks
>party basically over everyone starts going to their car
>best friend knows I'm blasted and ill agree to just about anything at this point
>"bro go fuck her" (he will fuck anything without shame)
>me "whaaa....ooohh kaay"
>liter have only said hello out of politeness to her aside from the seat decline
> walk up to her side as she going to her car
> "EYS don have cumdam"
> she says nothing just gets me in her car'
>late/early can see well but some lights from the house get in the car
>memory is fuzzy but she starts blowing me
>somehow her pants are off
>bush like carrot top seriously big enough to raise 3 baby raptors in
>still blowing me I got into autopilot and start fingering her
> "I wana eat you pussy"
>have 3 second of clarity WTF did I just say
> she gets all excited "oh yea"
>me "huh...nothing" shove cock back in mouth
>only have basic brain function at this point and just think blowjob and sex
>"I'm gating a candam"
>run across the yard to bros car to get condom boner out"
>bros passed out, get condom and runback"
> boner gone from running (it was a pretty big yard)
>blow for a while boner back
>go to put condom on and trampoline it on the floor of car
>"fuck it" pick up condom
>covered in hair and rocks and shit
> "fuck it" put condom on
> start laughing because its covered in random tiny debris and I can feel it
>get one pump in lose boner
>"Blow me more"
> take off rubber, put on my fingers
>last thing I remember is her blowing me and I'm fingering her ass
>morning still sleeping
> Bro "Can you just take him home then"

Who else read this in 2016??
that's is gay
kek +
>be me 22 years old
>meets 7/10 on tinder
>shes totally dtf
>go back to her place
>get frisky everythings goin good
>she goes down on me
>feels good for a bit
>tries to deepthroat my cock
>im avarage size a good 7.5 in
>she still has tonsils in
>my cock wont go past her tonsils
>She literally angles her head directly over my fallus
>damn near puts all of her body weight into pushing my cock down her throat
>i swear my junk ripped in half
>couldnt keep it up
>instead of apologising she kicks me out
>couldnt jerk off for a week
>bitch look like a toaster strudel
Oh, my balls
At abortion clinics
>hearing that wakes me u instantly
>ginger beast has her head in my lap
>condom bro standing outside of the car
>realize what I've done.
>push her head off me and im out of the car in .01 seconds
> run to condom bros car
>the most ashamed of myself I had ever felt
>bro get in car laughing his ass off
>Me "I hate you"
>he laughs harder "welcome to my world"
> home shower sleep
>at work next day
>monglobush walks up and tries to say hi
> walk right past her and say
>She quit a few weeks later
>still have random flash back from in the dark car like horror jump cuts but of nasty body parts
Good fucking story anon!
Virginity loss, her and I had 6 beers each in 2 hours. We go at it for the first time and she passes out in about 3 minutes. Few hours later we go again, I get extremely tired and go soft.
Jesus any pictures?

Of her I mean. Not of the sex. Christ almighty.
I sure as hell don't have any and I don't remember her name
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>Gets K.O:d by a ceiling-fan
Can you make a quick sketch of her from memory on Ms paint pls
Goddamn! Guess that's confirmation that your dick is pretty long atleast!
I once ate a quesadilla with jalepenos and forgot to wash my hands before jerking off afterwards.
I'm a little drunk, cant draw for shit and have never used paint but here ya go
Is he fucking kidding me? At least she had the decency to shave it and try to be presentable.
I can fap to this
Kek, thank you
anytime anon

I would like to point out that me and condom bro are still chill as fuck and still say "welcome to my world" if one of us fucks something up or make a terrible decision....I will never be able to forget that night
All of them, really. Except maybe my first time. That one was fun for the sheer novelty of it.

Every girl I've fucked gets to cum like 20 times or some shit and I'm lucky if I get to cum once in an hour of fucking. Taking breaks doesn't help, not masturbating actually makes things worse by just increasing the sexual frustration I have going into it and making it even more difficult to get off...

At least my current gf buys me stuff. Hell, she's even buying me a Vive for christmas. Totally worth it.
not having one
Fucking hot spinner blonde stripper in VIP. Stick it in her ass. Shes moaning, tell me to fuck her ass harder. Pull out, condom stays but don't realize until I'm in pussy. Say fuck it. Keep fucking. Stick it back in her ass...cum buckets. Greatest fuck in the VIP ever...

Until a few days later...I have sores on my cock. A week later it's a mess. Go get tested, negative but doc says it's herpes. Clears up after a month. Go back and get tested...positive for herpes.
Worst sexual experience ever.

It worked out wife had herpes compliments of her ex. Start dating and she tells me. I tend her I also have it. Both relieved.
Let an ex talk me into strapon shit. Enough said.
Tell us more lol
this some gay shit?
>meet 2,05m woman in dining hall at uni
>i'm right behind her in line, and she hands me a plate
>thank her, start chatting because slow lines
>eventually get her number
>she comes by later that night to "watch some tv"
>pretty much everything below her knees were off the bed because she was so goddamn tall
>cuddling was awkward as fuck. she was still athletically built, but because of her sheer height that made her about as broad shouldered as me at about the same weight
>i figured she wouldn't even feel my dick, but whatever it was probably just a 1 night thing anyway
>she wanted regular missionary at first, but with how fucking long her legs were it as kind of awkward. spreading her legs only made her accidentally kick shit off of my desk
>she mentions she wants to be on top for once, but she's afraid she'd crush me
>she hovers over muh dikk and just kind of plops down
>IMMEDIATELY she yelps in pain
>apparently, she had an insanely small vagina so even my 7.5'' smacked her cervix with an inch to spare, and my ~5.5'' girth was enough to tear her walls
>at this point, she's tearing up in pain and bleeding on my dick
>university health services were closed, so i helped clean her up and comfort her the best i could
>went with her the next day. minor injuries that would heal in a relatively short time, but still uncomfortable as fuck for her
>we never ended up successfully having sex after that
i'm 1,8m if you're wondering
>for americans, 2,05m is about 6'8'' i think, and 1,8m is about 5'10''
greentext? greentext.
Fuck off newfag

>extremely horny
>start jacking off while watching porn on computer
>put on some gay porn to jack off too
>all the cocks are fucking beautiful I want to suck them so fucking bad
>become even more aroused from all the cock and just can't take it no more
>I need to go out and suck some dick so fucking bad
>go out
>get in car
>pull my pants down so I can play with my cock while I drive
>get to the bathhouse
>my cock is still rock hard
>go in
>pay for room
>nobody else is there
>end up just laying in my bed and jacking off
>never got to suck any dick
>leave bathhouse
>even hornier now than before I got there

>paid $20 for a room at the bathhouse and ended up just jacking off which I could have done at home while watching the gay porn for free
when I lost my virginity, couldn't get the condom on, fumble around with it and finally got the second one on and put it in and could barely feel anything and went as fast as I could and was done in 10 seconds, I didn't even feel myself cum.
3 pump chump
>be me, 17
>just started college
>made new friends, one in particular, Dave
>many common interests, vidya, star trek, music etc
>staying over his house one day, sleeping on floor next to hid bed
>good night, watched some movies, played some games etc went to sleep in the wee hours.
>wake up as dawn is breaking to strange feeling in my ass
>still sleepy, not sure whats happening, feel around to see what going on
>Dave got half his hand up my butt, grabs my arm, tells me 'shhh its ok''
>struggle a little, daves a big guy
>no worries, channel the fury of my forefathers into pure unbridled rage
>reach around and find limited edition collectors model of NCC-1701
>drop z axis 1000 metres, unleash torpedos.
>hit dave with the power of a miniature black hole powering a dderidex warship.
>shitty plastic on nacelle shatters, shard enters left eye.
>Dave now permanently blind in left eye, screaming, parents wake up come see the fuss
>Make hasty exit in commotion
>walking home, not my usual gait as i had been dammaged by enemy fire, but impulse was still working and i didnt have far to go
>for somereason remember we where going to have pancakes and syrup for breakfast, somewhat dissapointed, i love me some pancakes.
>oh well
>Dave wont press charges because obvious reasons.
>disowned by family
>Drops out of college
>never see him again
>left my lucky mouse at his house, never see it again
>get mx518, life significantly improved.
>eat her ass
>she has terrible hygene
my first gf spoiled me by being a hygene neat freak
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Wtf guys!!!! Everyone knows everyone on /b/ is a virgin and I bet op is a super omega holographic 1st edition mint condition virgin. This whole thread is just a lie and all the stories are fake or just people talking about what they saw in a porno.
>Seeing this platinum blonde girl from my class.
>28 years old, but looks great for her age
>see each other for about 2 weeks
>late at night finally take her back to my place
>sex all night, goes ok, noticeably looser then other girls Ive been with
>meet up next day but earlier this time
>have sex under blankets getting really sweaty
>finish and notice all her make up has basically rubbed off
>laid down to fuck a 7/10
>finish with a 3/10
I swear to god after that I never went for a pale bimbo blonde again. They might look good done up, but once the make up comes off they look awful.
>inb4 b&
mate get the fuck off this site
A few months ago I finally got invited to join my friend in a threesome with this really hot girl at our college. We were at her place and she had alcohol to loosen us up a bit for the threesome. I ended up drinking more than I could handle and when the time came for the threesome, I put my dick inside her and blew my load in less than a second. Ended up watching my friend fuck her for hours while I tried to sober up.
Girl I worked with was my FWB. Only problem was half the time I was with her, I couldn't get hard, cuz she was kind of fat and a heavy smoker and drinker. I mean she reeked of beer and ash. (Why was she my FWB? I had no other prospects.) So frequently I'd be unable to perform and we'd end up cuddling and talking, or--if we'd had drinks--she'd call me a faggot. It was a great couple of months.
It all ended when, one night, I really had to struggle to get hard. It took half an hour of jerking it, her blowing me, and me trying to think of ANYTHING erotic to finally get me hard. So I'm fucking her hard and she grabs my hands and puts them around her throat. "I want you to choke me. Make me pass out!" And I instantly go soft. That was it, there was no way I was going to be able to fuck her after that. I got dressed and went home with her hurling insults at my back. I quit my job a few months later. I just couldn't be around her.

I honestly wish I was lying
Happens to everyone in their teens
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>be me 17
>first time eating pussy
>girl wont SMD so im kinda salty but whatever sure i guess ill go down on you
>she takes her panties off
>sewage smell
>smells like a combination of pee, sweat, menstruation and the little food catcher at the bottom of your sink if you haven't emptied it for two weeks
>exaggerating but yeah it wasn't great
>still licked her to completion bcuz virgin and pussy is pussy
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So I have a question, if a girl tasted like vinegar 1-10, 1 being no problem and 10 being fucking sickening, how bad is that.

Related: how might one hypothetically fix this... I read to drink water but other opinions would be nice
Ye same here, in the first 2 minutes it didn't feel how I thought it would feel and I started panicking that I was gay before I started liking it all
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Went to a party with sexy girl next door.

Things got heavy back at her place.

Too shitfaced to pop wood.

ugh. I wish I could choke her and buy her pizza ri now.
>me and bf hangs out
>suddenly get the urge to fuck
>starts rubbing his dick on the outside of his pants
>takes off pants
>starts sucking
>he cums
>remember that i read somewhere that some guys like it if you keep sucking after they've came
>he likes it
>he REALLY likes it
>he ends up liking it so muchs that he farts, right in my face
>holyshit that's hilarious
>starts laughing at him but he just lays there quiet
>starts apologizing and feeling bad for laughing at him
>he stares me in the eye and starts to laugh even more than I did
>ends up with me pissing myself from laughing to hard
How to green text?
What is a MDMA?

Reboot into safe mode
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> be me
> be last month
> kids out of the house
> wife is in the mood
> shoves me into the pantry
> takes all my clothes off
> strips her pajamas off, and teases a little
> makes me lie down on the floor
> sits on my face (my favorite)
> starts sucking my dick (second favorite, maybe she'll be good at it one day)
> i'm tounging the fuck out of her, massaging that clit in figure-8s
> she starts to cum
> she bites my dick out of excitement
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underrated post
it depends on the girl's hygene and eating habits.
if only there was some sort of page around this site somewhere, and it would answer Questions that are Frequently Asked.

Well, a girl can dream.
also pointless and draining, always a regret
>Girlfriend and I are fucking
>She's riding up top
>Dick slips out and is bent awkwardly
>Last condom we had tears
>Dick hurts but gf wants to keep going
>Drive over the wal-mart and buy condoms
>Come back and get hard again
>Start having sex and my dick goes flaccid after less than 30 sec
>She tries her best, but it won't get hard
>She leaves
Couldn't maintain an erection for like 3 days after that. Made sex the next day extremely awkward.
its slang for M.y D.ick (in) M.y for some reason this faggot still said jerking off
My worst sexual experience is the time that my parents had sex, the result of which was my conception. Life was unwillingly thrust upon me and I cannot cope.
I couldn't taste anything the first time. Later I noticed a sort of metallic taste. The real awkward thing is when you get like small mucous bits on your tounge from her
a girl's flavor will change from day to day too, based on hormones and her cycle.

While diet may fix it (the same way a lot of pineapple is supposed to fix the flavor of jizz), it may involve more complicated factors, like stress at work or school, family stress, weekend plans, her hopes and dreams, ...

Fresh cotton underwear everyday, avoiding tight pants or clothing, and good hygiene will help.

And if you're in a pinch, get some flavored lube. Don't use syrup or jelly, she'll get an infection.

source: me, i'm married and i eat it any chance i can get
>be me
>I'm bi
>18 and meet with a 40 year old daddy
>meet him on Craigslist
>good looking and in good shape
>says he's gay
>meet up and he's actually straight and never been with a guy
>start blowing him, he doesn't get hard
>blow him for like 20 minutes and he finally gets hard
>then says he wants to fuck
>goes to fuck me without a condom
>nah mate get fucked
>says he clean
>nah mate get fucked
>start blowing him again
>says he's gonna cum
>tell him to cum on my chest, I'm pissed and don't want it on my face or in my mouth
>forces me head down and cums in my throat
>now I'm totally pissed
>says he wants to go again
>I say nah and leave
>he still emails me like 1 year later
holy shit
Oh damn I remember condoms. What a fucking hassle that was. Like fucking a ziplock bag.

Being in a long term relationship has its advantages. When I go to eat her out and she smells I can flat out tell her "your pussy smells, go take a fucking shower" and then get clean pussy 10 minutes later.
I got my dic k stuck in a girls braces. I had a black and blue mark on my dick for three weeks. It hurt the whole Goldman time in my pants.
>be me 22
>meet a girl online who's super weebish, pierced cheeks+septum+nipples, chest tattoo the works
>go smoke weed on a playground, cuddle a little bit since its cold
>walk around in the neighborhoods and i mention that my fingertips are freezing
>she suggests i put them down her shirt so i do, tits feel good 7/10 at least
>we end up on some train tracks drinking n' shit
>says she wants to sit in my lap
>make a joke like 'fair warning i might pop a boner you have a nice butt' testing the waters a bit, see how far she wants to go
>within 10 seconds she's jerking me off
>walk around some more, end up at a park
>she wants to fuck but the grass is wet, we have to go on the hard cement pathway to the bathrooms where there's a wall to block sight from the road
>get hard, condom on, ready 2 do this, she bends over and reaches back to spread her ass open, big fat ass nice pussy lips shaved etc
>slide it in easily, super tight
>i want to give her big cummies
>but the cement is hell on my knees, straight up like the worst discomfort you can imagine, pain shooting up into my hips and back from my kneecaps as i grind them into the ground
>i can't stay in the moment it hurts so fucking bad
>dick goes limp, grill super disappointed, im high so i enter paranoia mode and im apologizing to her saying omg i probably seem like i have erectile dysfunction or something i dont i promise blah blah
>she like yeah sure...well its getting late, walk me home
>ended up fucking her a few more times but that's probably my biggest betacuckboy moment with a girl i felt like such a failure as a man but goddamn i just couldn't keep the boner going on that goddamn cement floor
Newly single. Hit up my ex from years ago. I finally hit it(she wouldnt have sex when we were together. Too scared or some bs). She was a real dead fish.
Possibly the only time i regret fucking anyone.
We are in a long term relationship. It's been three years. We just both agreed that condoms are best for now. She does take bc. Also we only do oral after a shower which isn't an issue since we shower together most of the time.
>hello red wings
Hi fellow blood sucker
You and me both.
I'd call that 9/10 a win
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I got raped by my gf today it wasn't bad at all. She made me cum inside and now i have a femdom fetish
also, Vasectomy.

for the "fuck that, i'm never getting snipped" crowd:
- 250,000 USD: average cost to raise a child to age 18
- considering the time-value of money, saving 250K over the next 18 years is like having 2 - 2.5 MM USD when you want to retire
- having kids is awful for the planet
- 66% of couples report a significant decrease in marital satisfaction on the arrival of the first child; and the situation doesn't improve until the last child moves out of the house for good. Basically besides cheating, having kids is the worst thing you can do for your marriage.
- freedom to travel, or take a spontaneous trip with spouse, and not worry about the god damn kids
- have sex in any room in the house as loudly as you want
- continue your hobbies. play video games, hunt/fish/camp/hike, watch movies, collect cars, collect anything and not worry about a little shit ruining it
- if you want to change careers and need to go back to school, you can actually do that
- if you want to see your friends, you can actually do that, and not worry about babysitters and shit
- no getting called away from work because of a sick kid at school. you won't miss out on as many career opportunities
- i have 2 kids and i can't wait to die

don't have kids. just don't do it.
>be me
>show up at shit motel
>omg she's much bigger than her listing indicates
>pay anyway
>she gets to the blowing
>drunk as fuck and ugly bitch not getting me hard
>stops blowing, lame handjob
>she falls asleep
>leave with shattered sense of self
Cool beans brotato. Just remember a vasectomy doesn't work right away
oh, good point. better not get one then. totally not worth it.
I have 2 kids too and I love it. I get to play with legos and hang out in the toy aisle without it being creepy. Also my oldest (5) is learning to play all my old video game consoles (genesis, SNES) and it's awesome to see him advance.

Genetic success!
>last year of high school
>nice statutory rape story, you held back dumbass
no, that dude really don't got no dick
holy shit, please tell me more. how old are they, what is your relationship like with them? im very interested OP
>be me
>19 y/o varsity wrestling
>I'm like a 7-8/10 atm
>people know me but I'm introverted
>I'm buzzed havin a good time
>rolling a joint on the couch
>this 8/10 comes over and starts chatting it up
>this chick is smashed
>like .22 BAH smashed
>shes all over me
>she knocks all my weed over (like 2-3g)
>i get super pissed
youre pathetic, you know that right?
Just a reminder. You could be a lucky fellow with a third one on the way if you tried raw dogging days afterwards. More of a cool beans brotato towards the whole kid thing.
>Be seven and a grill
>Only thing I've done was mutual showing with other kids
>Summer comes around and parents struggle to keep me supervised
>aka babysat
>Parents make me go to various activities and babysitters
>Early July comes around and they are worn out
>Uncle lives in an apartment with a pool
>Tells my dad I can come over whenever
>Both busy so it doesn't happen much
>One day parents are busy and can't find a babysitter
>Older cousin (uncle's son) offers to watch me
>Parents would usually say no, but they're desperate
>Agree to go because I didn't have much of a choice
>Arrive around nine or so with my day bag
>Parents just leave, tell me to be good, etc
>Older cousin tells me the pool doesn't open until ten
>Pretty excited so I go get dressed anyways
>Strip off in bathroom and put on bikini bottom
>Can't tie the top so I hold it against me and walk out
>He stares at me before offering help
>Stand behind him and let him grab my top
>I let go so he can tighten it
>He says oops and it falls
>Flatter than a cancer patient so I don't mind people seeing my chest
>He stalls to pick it up
>Looks at my bare chest for a few seconds before finally tying it
>Time eventually comes to go swimming
>I grab my towel and go out with him
>Pool is empty so I set my shit down and jump in
>He does the same
>Spend first few minutes adjusting to the cold
>After swimming a bit, he says we should play shark
>I say sure because why not
>We play for a bit but he acts weird
>Keeps reaching into my bikini bottom when he catches me
>Positions himself so that I always touch his trunks
>I tell him I'm bored after awhile and I go swim by myself
>He gets out of the pool and lies in a chair, watching me
>Sometime later he tells me we need to go eat lunch
>I say whatever and climb out before going back to the apartment

I'll probably cont regardless, but I'd appreciate a reply if anyone is actually reading.
This, if I ever get a gf / wife
>lol who am I kidding
I'm having 1 kid then getting a vasectomy
Depending on your birthday you can 19 before graduation. I know someone who was 17 when they graduated.
Here anon
oh fuck
cont plz
Continue, please. Is this wincest?
Let's say you have a small business. You and your partner are just at the point where you have figured out how to work together, and with the revenue, you've finally reached solvency.
Then one day, your business partner says she wants to hire a couple people.
And you say okay, because the work is growing.
So she picks up 2 new people.
But they're fucking imbeciles.
They can't even wipe their own asses.
And when they do anything right, you have to shower them with praise, even though it's their fucking job to get it right.
And they constantly want attention and validation.
And this work they're supposed to be doing, they either do it wrong, or not at all. You still have to do it all!
But you can't fire them. No, that's not allowed.
So you have to continue training these idiots, and one day maybe they'll quit on their own, and go to some certification program, and get another job somewhere else.
Hiring those people was the worst decision of your entire life!
I forgot to mention that this happened at a party; I'm stoned, sue me.

>all my weed falls into the carpet
>she apologizes and asks if she can repay me
>finish rolling joint at lightning speed
>smoke it with my friends and this chick
>go to a bedroom
>we start making out
>tastes like a vodka-soaked ashtray but whatever
>feel a hand on my cock
>she pulls my dick out and starts suckin
I feel sorry for the kids. You must be a joy to be around.
went to suck my bf's dick for the first time
it was 3.5in hard
i was like well ok it can't be that bad, at least i won't gag on it
his pubes smelled like playdoh that's been sitting in the sun
like hardcore salty gasoline ass
thankfully he cums quick
cum is like greasy booger chunks
he lols at me when i leave most of it
"i thought u said u swallowed lol"
fuck that fuck that fuck that fuck that fuck that
followed in awfulness only by the sex i had with his best friend
Hard as fuck
Just offering another example that not all people are 18 when they graduate.
How many years do amerifags study? I graduated when I was 16 but public education in my third world country sucks
Fucked this chick after the movies one time, then she had the audacity to move into my flat and date me for 9 years, robbing me of my 20's aka prime dick throwing years.
obvious bait is obvious
Being a father is all about acting. they'll never know. i just keep trying to slowly convince them that they don't want to have kids, and maybe one day they'll be better off than i am.

That's what any parent wants, right?

So we have savings and CDs and education investment accounts, so they can maybe go to college.

They are reading several grade levels ahead of their peers.

They are excelling in all subjects.

They are socially doing just fine so far. We'll see as they get to middle school.

i'm trying to do the best fucking job i can. i just know it's never going to pay off. The best i can get is they won't be in and out of jail all the time. So, you're welcome.

I'm Pro-Life: Once that baby shows up, your life is over.

lol a bait for what?
>she's sloppy but its a blowjob and shes plastered
>she tries to deepthroat
>I feel her gag and figure it's normal
>feel warmth and chunks enveloping my cock rapidly
>she pulls her mouth off my cock and vomit goes all over my clothes
>she tries to get off the bed but she fucks up
>she falls on the floor
>I take my puke-stained pants off my ankles and go to her
>she's clocked the fuck out like a medically-induced coma
>find pants in a drawer
>squeeze her tits through her shirt and leave
12 years of school, then University if you choose so.
>be 18
>virginity strong
>im like a 5/10 5'6 manlet
>hang out with friends+ a couple of their girlfriends
>we drink
>they pass out eventually
>im stuck with 2 of the girlfriends that dont drink
>im not even drunk
>we talk for hours
>one of them goes to sleep
>talk for a bit more
>hook up with 7/10
>have sex with her, 20 feet from her boyfriend
>i dont even cum
>she goes to sleep
>i jack it
>left and now everytime she sees me she avoids i contact, wtf is this
my ONLY sex experience
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You stupid, sorry excuse of a man. The fuck is the problem? Are you 12 or just a sperg? I bet you think meat on a cunt is gross too. Fucking shameful.
Seriously boys, look at this faggot and use him as your poster child of what not to be like.
"i contact", fuck
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Just getting into the swinging lifestyle with my wife. Meet a couple at a swing club. Dude is hella cool. His wife is super hot. We go to a room for some play time. Making out with my wife. We switch. Girl is making out with my wife while we guys are touching them etc. They want to swap suck (his wife sucks my dick, my wife sucks his) Goin at it. My dick refuses to get hard. Dudes wife is sucking my limp cock but nothing is happening. Dude is hard and huge and throating my wife. We end up switching back and i eat my wife's pussy and make her cum while he pounds his wife's pussy and they both cum. We leave. Never felt worse in my life. Felt depressed for about a week. Finally try again at another club with another couple. Get hard as fuck and choke other dudes wife and then fuck her and cum inside her like i own her. Fuckin redeem myself like a motherfucker. Wife worships me since then.
>Meet some random club slut
>She likes rollin on E, I have some
>Go back to my place
>Fuck her like there's no tomorrow
>She says "That was the best fk I ever had, & I FUCKED ALOT OF GUYS
>My proud little moment turned to disgust and Herpes dread
>She needs to go to the bathroom and I turn on the bedroom lights
>Her pussy looks like she's a 70 yr old whore. Has wings hanging like a 3ft fruit bat. Beat up and well done
>I got nauseous
>She wanted another go
>Started sucking me off
>My cock refused to get hard
>She got all upset
>I said I was too fkd up and had to pass out
>I was scarred for life
dude he doesn't like bush, wouldn't have fucked her either probably
Rode some guys dick while drunk, he came in less than a minute.
Fucked him again another time, he came in less than a minute, but to hide his shame he jizzed while he was walking out, claiming he had "to help his friend"
Was total waste because he had a big dick.
U grill? or faggot?
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>last december
>at band practice
>just me and drummer today, bassist is out of town
>suddenly the idea of a 3 way comes into our after jam convo and i (regrettably) say sure
>we tight niggas aint nothing gay about that shit
>so we head over to pick this bitch up
>never seen her before
>ugliest squidward nosed chubby black chick
>already talking about the 3 way in the car, too late to back out, to nice to object at this point
>we get back to the spot and i roll a few blunts and put on some biggie to lighten the mood

11 years here. Is it true that you can finish it in less than 12 years? I saw it many times in American movies and tv shows when there's a smart fag that takes classes with older students.
I'm a grill, faggot
Wow yall are fucking gross
pussies don't really change whether they had lots of dicks or not
What the fuck was that?
animal house
in the US, high school graduation requirements are simply a set of requirements. Once you meet them all, you are free to be a high school graduate. So taking more classes, or testing out of classes will meet those requirements faster.
My first sexual encounter

>be 16
>Second GF
>6/10 asian qt3.14
>She want
>Go to her house after school one day
>Parents away
>We're upstairs almost immediately
>Make out
>Shit's intense
>The clothes start to come off
>Find out that both are virgins at about the same time we're both fully naked
>No idea how to go about it
>I'm hard, she's wet, just shove it in
>Condom on, can't feel a thing, not even entirely sure if it's in or not
>She's in quite a bit of pain.
>Time for a new approach
>Finger for a few minutes
>Not really sure what I'm doing
>After a few minutes try putting it in again
>Pretty much same thing as before
>Blood everywhere by now
>We call it quits
>I'm outta there in 10 minutes flat regretting every decision in my life that led up to that exact moment
>Technically not a virgin, but not happy at all with how it went
>Neither is she
>She's in pain for a couple of days after that
>Dumps me at the end of that week

Pretty awful introduction to sex
Permavirgins don't know this. This story is fake and gay, just like anon.
>Be me 14
>Beat off dick
> make seed twice without stopping
>going for 3rd orgasm without stopping
>Friction burn = fiery pain
>Try to cure pain with first thing i can find in bathroom
>Friction burn + anbesol = atomic firey pain
>Scream like little girl scraping anbesol out of friction burn with dry wash rag
>Permanent scarring
>how do i greentext

>We arrive at the room
>Apartment is upstairs and no one is around
>About to go inside but he stops me
>"My dad doesn't like it if you go in with wet clothes"
>Argue for a minute before saying fuck it
>Tell him to turn around and he does
>Quickly strip and cover up with towel
>We go inside and he tosses my bikini in the bathroom
>Planning on swimming later so I don't change into clean clothes yet
>Wrapped up comfy in my towel so I'm not concerned
>We end up ordering pizza from a local place
>It was awful and overpriced, no clue why people like it
>He goes to his room and leaves me alone for almost an hour
>Pizza finally arrives and we eat
>Nothing lewd happens during it
>After we eat, he tells me he needs to check if I'm dry
>I say I am, but he's insistent
>Didn't want him to do anything but he came over to me
>Started touching my head and shoulders
>I just let him because he says I can't go swimming anymore if I don't
>He pulls my towel down to my stomach and feels my chest
>Focuses on my nipples but I didn't say anything
>After rubbing my chest, he kneels down
>Rubs my feet and tickles me a bit
>Pretty ticklish so I cry and he stops
>Towel is just covering my private regions and upper legs
>He tells me he needs to check EVERYTHING
>Tell him no at least twenty times before I give in

Will cont again, next post will be last most likely
Once I chugged two bottles of cough syrup (gay) and I was hallucinating hard. I decided I wanted to jack off because why not and it felt like my upper body and lower body were two separate beings. Like I was having sex with a dick and legs person with my hand-vagina tentical-arm and head body. It took a lot of concentration but I still came. This experience still haunts me.
you circumcised too, huh? fucking Dr Kellogg. and religion.
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