woah shes almost as stiff as my dick right now
>If anything, she's lighter because her soul is gone.
>It's been four years since, and more than anything I want to die.
>12 years old.
>single mom household.
>never had father.
>mother in kitchen with lady friend.
>playing N64 in living room.
>pause Mario 64 to get glass of water from kitchen.
>walk into kitchen and overhear mother telling lady neighbor that she's had sex with 3 guys at the same time.
>feels bad till this day man.
I was in the feels threads last night on the edge of killing myself, now tonight im going out with friends, talked to the girl I like and i think she may like me too.
Hope everyone feels good soon
No dude, he's right. With every cell division there's a chance. Think how rapidly the cells in a child divide, bone cells, muslce and brain all in rapid development. Children do have a higher chance of developing cancer than a adult, who is fully developed.
>Lighter because her soul is gone
Top kek my sides are farther gone than girls corpse
>live in house with mom and older sister
>deadbeat dad living in a different country
>have plenty of friends but known as a trouble kid
>have candles out on table
>mom and sister go to bed while I play videogames in the living room
>say to mom: I'll put out the candles later, need the light for now
>go to bed
>wake up in the middle of the night, house on fire
>mom and I make it out
>sister trapped on 2nd floor
>balcony attached to her room
>stand on the ground, urging her to jump
>she's too scared
>mom runs back in to save her
>they never come out
>both later found dead on the stairs to the 2nd floor
>stay with school teacher for 2 months while they figure out what to do with me
>sent to asshole father abroad
>get beaten up every day and can't understand a word he's saying
>try to talk to him in english
>severaly bullied in school
>slowly learn the language but never become fully fluent
>move out as soon as I turn 18
>never see dad again
>now 25, three suicide attempts later
>just want to die
>nothing to do on weekdays so drinking
>notice you need more coke
>go to railwaystation to get coke from wending machine
>it's -20 celsius
>spot a guy in hoodie, no coat
>he is drunk as hell, slept past his station and kicked out in my town
>his phone's battery dead
>invite him to your place to load his phone and wait for next train
>chat with him while drinking
>he's ex-con (fraud, drugs, firearm violations) & about to go to court yet again.
>turns out next train will be in morning, it's 2AM
>talk some more
>he has a kid
>he has a medical condition and is estimated to have less than a year to live
>go for a smoke, talk some more
>decide to call it a night, find an army bedroll, pillow and blanket for him
>go to sleep
>wake him up in time for the train
>he thanks you and bids farewell
>I need more booze, but no money
>go back to bed
pull yourself together
Im assuming you went back to whatever the western country was
Life doesn't matter, none of this matters. Try to find something enjoyable and get a good work/life balance
>Depression didn't affect me as badly in high school
>it is now junior year of college
>never had a reason to be sad or angry or have any negative emotions as a child
>now, every day is just one more mile through an endless woods full of gray mist
>I feel almost nothing, save for brief moments of superficial happiness
>sometimes masturbation helps because I don't have to think during it
>mostly I just spend my free time sleeping or playing vidya
>keep fucking up my finances, spending too much
>drinking, not a lot, just enough to try and escape every now and then
>suicidal thoughts about 3-4 times per week
>feel like a failure to my parents, friends, professors
>Everyone says it gets better
>tfw it's not
>been like this for ~3 years.
real clinical depression sucks ass kiddos
>>Everyone says it gets better
It doesnt. My mom has had it for 20+ years and recently attempted suicide. There is no end to depression.
I genuinely dont have any hope for my life after seeing that
All i can see in these threads are people who feel just as pathetic as me.
>We wonder why we try
>Why we can still manage to happy, just to have it torn away from us by life in the form of some prick we can imagine in our minds.
>If not some prick we can imagine, then we
that prick just the same.
But what bothers me is everyone else who just gets off on either telling someone it's okay or pushing them into a worse state.
This is why i hate myself, because i keep coming here expecting it to get better, but i'm still FUCKING HERE
Why? Humans like sex, she just had a fun time. Whats so embarrasing?
I had sex once with two females, and have sex with a guy once. Why should anyone feel embarresed that I was involved in a threesome or had homosexual relations?
Shit was fun both times.
>it's the fact it's your own mother
>What if your mom was a whore? Not just "oh i'm having fun"
>No, she's a whore, and a shameless one at that too. Unless Anon's fucking his mom along side all the other men. It's doesn't feel good man.
Lol, calling your mother a whore for having fun.
Implying a "whore" is a bad person.
I accidentally found my mothers vibrating dildo one day. And also know she has had sex with a number of males in her life.
Why the fuck should I care? Even if she had sex with three guys at once.
I'd just think "good job Mum, must have been a hell of a fun night." and go on with my life.
why wouldn't you post an address that doesn't exist anymore...
you just asked how you would look it up and now you're getting all defensive. that's ok many, i used to date a pathological liar, i know the traits and i know you cant help it
Do you guys ever feel like we're all depressed because humans have reached such a high level of advancement?
The fact that we are so intelligent simultaneously makes us feel Hopeless/Cynical/Bitter about the things that made us feel Happy/Satisfied/Enthusiastic?
Has the knowledge we've obtained led us to be like a Rick? To know so much, that in the end, we realize anything sacred or good or cherished by mankind is 100% BULLSHIT to make up for the fact that we're such a horrible species full of fault/mistakes that we don't take responsibility for as mankind?
This is what makes me want to kill myself.
The fact that i can never return to blissful ignorance, it's a curse.
Look anon i thought you were depressed/in a horrible suffering because of a past event that you could've prevented.
Not having a keyboard warrior match on 4chan.
Just get the fuck out of here or try harder like the /b/tard you know you're becoming.
nah faggot, i just don't understand why you're so fucking weird to come up with a story like that - note your parent's must have communicated in a similar language which somehow wasn't transferred onto you, or your dad spoke english. shitty story, try harder liar
Sure liar, We all can see you're full of shit when you're desire to defend your story/case is stronger than the sadness you feel for what "really happened"
>you gonna cut the shit soon?
>cause if you wanted to do ANYTHING ELSE with your life, why are you here complaining that you wanna throw it away.
Well my version of "I don't give a fuck" Isnt like yours.
My version of "I don't give a fuck" Is ringing up all my druggie/deadbeat friends to give me connects to start dealing illegally until i make enough money to "not give a fuck" or until the cops arrest me, some nigger kills me.
What's your version?
>23 y/o white, straight, christian male
>come from a background of christian family for generations, but not religious nut jobs
>family is not stupidly wealthy but we're definitely not poor either
>got good grades at school, now at excellent university studying bachelor in science
>still live at home, but its alright as my family is pretty cool and i can take advantage of my dads private health insurance
>nothing bad ever happens to me so i dont even need the health insurance but its still nice to know he spends the money on us all
>have 3 best friends (2 guys 1 girl) and heaps of close friends
>never dont have someone to talk to
>play vidya games all the time but still pass everything at uni
>my older brother and i play golf together and discuss stock market trading
>im set up to get a decent paying job in health sector next year after my degree
>i realize how easy my life is
Not defending the anon, but it is possible that the mother and biological father spoke a common language that the child did not know.
This isn't a formal debate, it's an expression of opinions. Debate rules don't apply.
12 yrs and nothing was ever transferred. i mean english was my third language and i learnt it at 8 even though it wasnt spoken at home - all of it together made it unbelievable
Well, I guess it's simply saying "Fuck it, life can be cool too. Time to go hang out with my friends for a straight 12 hours."
I know it's not that easy for everyone, and it too k me a long time to actually get myself to the point where I could actually start thinking that. The ADD probably helped.
I have a question for you easy life anon.
What would you do if all of that suddenly stopped, something changed, something was taken away from you?
Would it still be that easy?
Would you be able to get those things back/be able to move on without them?
>this isn't coming from jealousy either, it's coming from experience with people who were just like you.
You wish, because without you have no chance. I not discuss ever without follow reason. If you start to ramble and just give a punch of opinions the talk Ende. And I know my english sucks, still learning.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience"
im not sure really, i wouldnt know how to deal with it i guess. i dont even have any relatives (that i've actually met) who has died yet
i think if my dad was to die everything would get turned upside down since his the only one making the household income.
if i failed uni i'd probly be pretty depressed as i would have to get a dead end job and my parents would be super disappointed in me
the worst things that have happened to me are losing my fiancee (who is now my best friends coz we patched things up but aren't getting back together) and getting diagnosed with anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. but thats easily treated with lexapro.
I see what you're saying.
Still Anon, that requires ignorance. How can one not care when they already know that it doesn't matter whether you care or not, this world is going to hell and every person, good or bad, deserves it for some reason.
Fine, then point me to scientific evidence that clearly states measurable data that proves beyond a shadow of doubt that "love" is a requirement for satisfying sex.
Or, alternately, that sex without love is not as good as sex with it.
Otherwise, all we have is an opinion.
Do understand, I'm not bitter at you for having a good life, if anything i do envy you a little (as pointless as that is)
I'm just trying to tell you, appreciate it.
When that bad thing does happen, know that you're good enough to move on/fix it/change for the better.
All of us are stuck in our own void less pit, i'm sure our lives aren't even that bad, but it's the fact that we can see how horrible everything else is and how powerless we are to fix it.
>So i'll just say it again "Appreciate it while you're still there. You may need it when you get taken out"
Is this another one of those "I meet nice girl but then she is kill :(" stories? I've just seen enough of those, and really don't want to do the tl;dr just to see that ending again.
I think the question you're asking/other anon is asking is wrong.
You don't need love to have "SATISFYING sex"
You do need love to have sex and have meaning in it other than pleasure/confidence/sexual confirmation/pure desire.
However love is just that chemical in our brain that makes us attracted/desire each other in the first place, which in turn dies after we've satisfied ourselves right?
Really is a matter of perspective on this one.
Some of us truly want a special connection or special feeling to come from sex, which usually comes from having sex with someone you really really care about.
Other than that, sex for pleasure when repeated over and over will become stale.
If you still fuck a person that you have that same care/emotion for, that sex becomes stale at a much much slower rate.
Even with that in mind, it's still HEAVILY opinionated.
now anon i wanna ask you something.
Why are you on /b/ if you're life is so good? why don't you just go to bed and keep going on with your life?
Why are you here with us losers?
made me fucking cry
>Even with that in mind, it's still HEAVILY opinionated.
My point exactly. There's no data that isn't subjective that can measure the experience of sex. Yes, we can get blood pressure, heart rate, and a slew of physical measurements, but none of those can quantify the experience.
I mean can't a majority of confusing or overwhelming questions be answered with a simple
It's all a matter of
This is why religions and tribes make up stories. To bury the truth under an image, something we can imagine/picture rather than come up with the reality of the situation.
I think it's because the reality is always too fucking hard to take.
>Got GF at age 15
>Do fun shit together for years
>I start to studdy
>She comes home after 2 months
>Im so fucking exited
>anticlimax big time
>be me 26
>Birthday on 25th April
>father doesn't call
>ffwd to last sunday
>talk about birthdays of siblings and cousins
>he still doesn't get the hint
Still has not congratulated me ...
"Are you ready kids? Kids? Hello?"
Absolutely! And one of the wonderful things about scientific progress is that slowly we're getting more questions answered with each passing generation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against love or being in love, I just don't believe that the sexual act needs love to be a fulfilling, non-"disgusting" experience.
Mating season, anon. It's a throwback to our days chucking sharpened rocks
at wooly mammoths. You want the little fuckers weaned at gathering time when food is plentiful, not when Grog is having to chew on bison hide to stave off the hunger pangs.
But why does it feel that when we answer more questions, that people seem to not know that information/don't care/would rather have their version of it?
Why is it that all this hard work and time spent into finding the greater answers has only shown us how horrible it all is? how pointless it all is? HOW SMALL AND FUCKING PATHETIC our whole existence is?
It's like once you know enough/learn enough/become wise enough to the bullshit you become a Rick.
You become detached, a cynic, someone who has to numb himself or escape and all because you've reached a point where ignorance is something you want back into your life.
Because even though you despise all the idiotic bullshit around you, you envy it for how it fufills itself so easily.
>16 years old
>had a pretty good life, many friends, caring family, hot girlfriend
>just broke up with girlfriend a week ago
nobody will ever understand the pain im going through, and at this point im thinking of just killing myself
>But why does it feel that when we answer more questions, that people seem to not know that information/don't care/would rather have their version of it?
I can't recall the term for it, probably because I've now been up for about 40 hours, but people get uncomfortable when faced with evidence that what they were taught to believe, so they shut it out.
>Why is it that all this hard work and time spent into finding the greater answers has only shown us how horrible it all is? how pointless it all is? HOW SMALL AND FUCKING PATHETIC our whole existence is?
I wouldn't call it small and pathetic. People still find meaning/fulfillment with the things they do. It's a matter of trying to find something that makes you content. Serene. Happy. Because it's all going to end, possibly sooner than later, and possibly in some horribly painful way.
>It's like once you know enough/learn enough/become wise enough to the bullshit you become a Rick.
You CAN, it's not a requirement.
>You become detached, a cynic, someone who has to numb himself or escape and all because you've reached a point where ignorance is something you want back into your life.
I don't want to go into details about my life, but I am a hardcore cynic. Somewhat of a misanthrope. But there are still people I like and things I enjoy. I did numb myself for a while after a personal tragedy, but I came out of it. Things are better now.
>Because even though you despise all the idiotic bullshit around you, you envy it for how it fufills itself so easily.
I honestly envy nothing. I used to, and I was miserable. I can't tell you how to stop, but you have to, otherwise you'll just end up old and bitter. My journey took years.
>meet cute grill through mutual friend
>kinda emo but not annoying
>short, tiny, black hair, face like a doll
>we start talking on facebook
>best friends instantly
>we both play bass and bond over that
>we are also both very depressed
>over time she tells me the different ways she harms herself
>not cutting, she went past that
>getting addicted to prescription drugs
>then going off them, to hurt herself with the withdrawal
>we get very close
>like best friends but, there was always weird tension
>there was clearly something else between us
>she starts amoking just for the negative effects
>what the fuck
should i continue?
Then show us mid/god tier>>684099805
U wot m8
The worst part about my life is that I have loads of people I can hang with, but no one seem to have any sort of interest in me.
I'm always the one calling to meet up.
Most of us are in this huge groupchat on facebook, but somehow they keep meeting up behind my back without even posting a single message.
Whenever I ask someone why I wasn't invited, they always reply with "Well, I can't think of everyone".
Even worse, I have NO idea what I do wrong, so there is NO way for me to correct it.
Unless you are a quadrapleigic retard, you are not permanently unemployed. Not getting a job is your fault.
>three suicide attempts
Surely it can't be that hard. Just do it or stop feeling sorry for yourself, it really isn't that hard.
You are pathetic, anon
Also that story is fake, anyway, so fuck you
I honestly view your life as a living hell. I was where you are now, and I can say in hindsight that the whole "life's good" Christian feeling is a lie and just gives you a shallow sense of happiness. You're not happy anon. You're just ignorant.
Pretty long OC, stay tuned.
>product of a romantic fling between an elderly white vietnam veteran truck driver and mysterious black waitress
>Mom won a small lottery, Dad's credit covered the mortgage for our first home
>Dad and Mom do cocaine occasionally
>Mom develops a habit, pawning off anything of value when Dad's on the road
>Dad comes home and beats Mom
>Dad's unhealthy lifestyle catches up to him hs a heart attack
>Mom is screaming "let him die Anon let him die!" as she packs her bags
>I call 911
>mom catches me on the phone with police
>I'm barely 4 years old and this is the moment I lose my mothers love
>Mom in and out of jail on drug and theft charges
>Dad's banging his ex wife in my moms bed
>Dad dumps me off on my mothers parents most the time since he has a job
>Im ok with this I get to spend time with my halfbrother whom I adore
>brother looks out for me
>want to stay with brother, fuck everyone else
>brother wants me to stay with him, promises when he can get a house we will live together
>he's 14 so this should only take a week
>Mom gets Dad fired with trucking company saying Im in the truck with him on these long trips
>lose the house
>went from living in a 3 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment with my Dad's ex
>no longer see my family
>literally crying everyday to go back with my brother
>Dad introduces me to a bunch of old white grown ups saying they are my "brothers and sisters"
>I have to choose to live with my Dad or my Mom
>Choose my brother
>not an option
>insist on brother
>Brother isnt under my Mom's care so no matter what apparently I can't be with my brother
>Want to run away but too short to open the TOP LOCK
>still have nightmares to this day of that TOP LOCK
>spend most of year 4-5 in courtrooms
>Mom gets visitation of me since she doesn't have a stable household
>Mom living in a shitty studio apartment in a crime ridden ghetto
>Every weekend I see her and my brother swings by
>find out later he would take a bus to ghetto to see me every weekend instead of going to football practice (he eventually got kicked off the team for this).
>Mom's still an addict, beats me when she's going through withdrawals
>Start believing my Dad that Mom wants to kill me
>Granny is now trying to get custody of me (which is who my brother is being raised by)
>Dad tells court that brother molested me
>Dad says my brother shouldn't be touching me
>questions raised as to whether im being molested or not
>Eventually nothing comes of it but countless hours for me and my brother seeing a therapist (separately of course)
>Dad says I will never see him again if I go with Granny
>Idgaf I just wanna be with my brother
>Granny loses custody hearing
>Mom never shows up for custody hearings
>Dad wins full custody of me
>Live in 1 bedroom apartment with Dad and "stepmom"
>Dad is a boozehound but sobers up enough to get a security job
>gets our own apartment starts fucking the neighborhood crackhoe
>I'm an inconvenience but Dad is getting like 400-500 a month out of me thanks to SS + Child support when my Mom's working (which is basically never).
>Starts dropping me off with Stepmom
>By the time I'm 6 I'm living with her full time barely seeing my Dad
>School is awkward, I have no friends but I'm good looking so no one is picking on me yet
>Stepmom pities me since Dad took me from my Mom then dumped me off on a stranger
>No real love but sympathy
>Can't really afford to take care of me so Im dressed in good will clothing (sometimes even girl clothes) doesnt take long before school becomes HELL
>Dad and Stepmom fight a lot when he comes over
>He beats her, I jump in to protect her and I get beat
>One time I get knocked out and he gets arrested for 6 months
>1 week at the hospital wish I never had to leave
>Doing poorly in school because I dont care
>Teachers say im very imaginative in my writing etc but I don't put forth effort
>I apply myself enough to pass and learn how to fly under the schools radar
>Flash forward to 12 years old and Im back living with my alcoholic ailing father
>am set up basically to be his live-in maid and caretaker
>Live off ramen and take out
>Granny gets visitation rights to me
>whenever I come home from Granny's house Dad treats me like shit and guilts me for having a grandmother
>Ask for her not to pick me up anymore, break her heart
>Visit her only BEFORE major holidays
>Dad keeps saying he is going to die but he seems fine to me
>Hits just as hard and still drinks a case of beer a day
>couple more heart attacks, couple panic attacks
>Now have to feed my dad 13 pills throughout the day
>Dad starts chastizing me for having curly hair, won't let me outside because I get too dark
>whole family was pretty racist growing up, been referred to as a nigger by siblings since I was 7 so it wasn't really bothersome
>Dad is hyper focused on my racial "flaws"
>pressures me start getting overpriced straightening at the hair stylist
>Scalp burns are common due to inexperienced white hairstyles trying to make my curly hair straight
>Dad refuses to take me to a black barber to get it done since my hair grade is closer to white than black (this is his logic)
>Applying sunscreen daily, avoiding the sunlight and burning my hair with chemicals to make Dad happy
>Feeding him 13 pills a day to keep him alive
>carrying in his beer and cooking his dinners
>Rents a townhouse right next to wear I grew up with my "stepmom"
>See her on a daily basis, very nice closest thing I have to a mother so Im grateful
>She is alarmed at how poor my Dad's health is lately
>she starts cooking dinners and taking some of the pressure off me
>This is good, because between the bullying in school for being a "Mj wanna be faggot" and constantly having adults mistake me for being a girl (I had long straight black hair, basically my mothers face, and the budding bitch tits of a boy carrying extra weight) Im having one hell of an identity crisis
>Only one 'friend' whom I dont trust to talk to, no family to confide in
>I'm 15 and eagerly awaiting the day I turn 16 so I can get that fabled Emancipation
>Granny picks me up for a visit one day
>starts her usual critique of me being proud of "who I am" like I know who that is
>Dad calls asking me why I didn't say goodbye
>Odd since we had a 5 min talk before I left of him coaching me what NOT to say to my granny
>Ask Granny to take me home
>Go home that day and Dad's drinking watching tv as usual
>Surprised to see me home ask what happened
>I brush it off and watch my Dad
>We have the deepest most sincere father-son talk that night
>He tells me about his mistakes in life (marrying too young, molesting his daughters, running away down south with one of them and pretending she was his wife, getting my mother pregnant instead of a white woman so I wouldn't have to suffer)
>Had heard most of that stuff anyway growing up, some of his advise was new though and we spoke a lot about death and life
>maybe on some level he knew he was going to die that night
>I guess I did too since I hadn't given him his medicine for like 3-4 days
>Wake up, Dad's dead
>Never cry about it though entire family balled left and right even though they had "hated him so much"
>Siblings expect me to go to foster care
>everyone shocked when Stepmom moves into the house and legally adopts me
>For the first time in my life I feel like someone honestly loves me
>Oh wait she just wants my now 800-900 SS check I get from my fathers death since im a minor
>Only gift I get for turning 16 is a job and a list of bills to which my money will be paid
>Working 20 hours a week (some of it under table) while going to school
>realize being busy keeps me from feeling bad
>Join highschool JROTC and the marching bands colorguard (was chasing some pussy, not gonna lie)
>Never home but I'm paying my bills so no one cares
>During summer I immerse myself in the online world of mmorpgs
>My time is spent either at drill camp, marching band camp, work, or in my room on the computer
>lose all the excess weight, cut my long faggot hair down (though I keep straightening it cause emo weeb phase)
>So many bitches on my dick, except the one I like
>That one friend I had is now my best and only male friend (got about a ton of girl associates who want this D)
>We get super close, wants a 3 some with his girlfriend
>advises we explore some one on one to make sure we're comfortable
>before long its buttsex
>Our friendship evolves to friends with benefits
>feelings develop for both of us, I am torn between the girl in colorguard and my only friend
>he breaks up with his girlfriend to date me
>feel guilty and say fuck it guess Im a faggot afterall
>After years of bullying for looking like a faggot, when all I wanted was a girlfriend, now am fucking celebrity status in school for being a faggot.
>Friends, parties, clubs I feel pretty goddamn normal for the first time in my life
>Turn 18 immediately get a REAL job working 40+ (any extra hours I can grab) to save for a security deposit on an apartment
>Sister's kid kills himself, another sister's kid runs away, everyone's pregnant or on drugs
>Stepmom realizing I am the only stable person in this family, me the nigger bastard
>Stops charging me for rent and bills etc
>wants me to get financial aid and go to school
>I ask why I would need financial aid when Im pretty sure my dad had 10k in insurance money for my education
>That got spent years ago
>Im not hearing that shit from her, Im moving out ASAP
>She says she wants whats best for me so tell her if she really wants what is best she will co-sign me into a nice apartment while I build my credit so I don't have to live in the ghetto
>To my surprise she agrees
>Get first "luxury" apartment in a safe neighborhood up the road from a police station
>better than anything I grew up in
>honestly thankful to my stepmom for this
>she moves down south after sister's kid kills himself since her baby needs her
>Im fine up here with my Bf (yeah same childhood friend)
>Im 21 now and about to enroll in school
>Life is pretty fucking bueno
>Stepmom, druggie half-sister, and half-brother came up to pick up my other half brother (huge white family if you didnt notice) for a family reunion
>Stepmom wants to drop in and visit me
>She looks terrified for some reason
>Ask her whats wrong
>brothers are passing out on the couch and sister is laughing too hard at nothing
>Stepmom dismisses my concerns, says how proud she is of me and how happy my Dad would be to see me doing so well
>Give her and hug and a kiss, thank her for helping me so much in life
>She doesn't want to leave it seems, but I tell her to get going her family is waiting for her
>Never forget those deer in headlight eyes she had as I escorted her to the car
>Ask if bf noticed her weird behavior
>he says no but he thinks my siblings were stoned
>doesn't surprise me, but they'll make it back or stop at a hotel if they're too fucked up
>They don't, instead my half-brother passes out behind the wheel and bounces off the side of a semi truck.
>Stepmom is dead on impact
>Everyone else is slightly bruised
>I had a nightmare of it happening as I assume it was happening
>No one answered their cell phones but Im not even sure I have the correct numbers
>I hear about it the next morning from my half-sisters druggie friend who only had my number from back when my sister was living with us and would use my cell
>Working through the pain, waiting until the funeral to take the day off
>Siblings keep pushing it back
>No one calls me to tell me when the funeral is, I miss the funeral
>Everyone ignores my calls until the insurance tells them that me and my half brother are the beneficiaries
>Out of the seven of us, only use two were getting money from the will
>one of my brothers call me drunk telling me to just sign the papers and give all the money to my other brother (the other ben) and he'd divide it equally between us seven
>Yeah that sounds pretty fair in my mind
>before I can agree he starts complaining about how I shouldn't even be getting anything since I'm not her son
>I don't DESERVE anything, she shouldn't have had to waste her 'golden years' taking care my Dad's nigger bastard
>"Actually how about I just don't sign the papers and none of us get anything?"
>2 years later I get a check from the insurance company, turns out they forged my signature
>When I saw the amount she'd taken out I had to laugh, as it all made sense
>She'd left 10k for me and 20k to be split amongst the 6 of them
>sisters never got a dime
Holy fuck, endless laugh/lose threads and hardly ever laugh, and now this. In the middle of a fucking feels thread.
>parents gets divorce
>mom gets custody and blocks dad out of our life
>my older brothers, 15 and 7 years old, breaks down
>older one starts drinking a lot
>younger one tries to kill himself after mom says our dad don't love us no more
>mom blames older brother
>kicks him out
>check in younger brother at mental health clinic for kids
>retarded country put children with mental health problems together with joveniles to save money
>when he gets checked out of the clinic a year later he's a jouvenile himself
>stealing, starting fights, grafitti and lighting stuff on fire kept my brother busy from age 8 to 14
>then gets sent to jail
>I've just been fogotten all this time from 3 to 10 years old
>divorce didn't affect me casuse I was to young
>didn't even remember my dad
>always been on my own
>bullies, homework, girls and hobbies was all up to me to deal with since mom was busy
>Learn quick to fight the bullies. Even if I loose the fight, which I always did, they'll remember I fight back and pick on someone easier
>do my homework right after class and ask the teachers for help if I need it
>never learned to deal with girls but managed to get some friends at least
>socialist country so sports like soccer, dancing, hockey and shit was free for kids so signed myself up to get more friends and socialise
>manage to keep up a pretty normal life on the outside
>only ones who knew about me being on myself all the time was my teachers, my coaches and a few parents to my closest friends
>when I'm 10 and my brother goes to jail my mom suddenly starts to notice me since I'm the last kid left in the house
>Asks me if I wanna go to the movies or something, where I wanna go on vaccation during the summer and all that
>Get creeped out because she's barley even talked to me all my life and now suddenly acts all friendly
>tell her I'd rather keep doing stuff on my own if that's okay
>she thinks it will grow away
>at age 14 she starts panicing cause I've lived with her my hole life and she doesn't even know what I'm like as a person, what my hobbies are, who my friends are or what I wanna do with my life
>starts forcing me to go on vaccation abroad with her so I can't escape to my friends or hobbies
>she realises I'm nothing like her, don't share the same values, interests or humor
>She's constantly trying to start fights with me about everything
>telling me my taste in music is distrubing, my friends are bad, my hobbies are for psychopaths and that I need help
>straight up ask her why she forces us to spend time together when she obviously hates me. (not in a angry way but just plain out emotionless like an autist)
>she gets furious and tells me it's cause I'm her son
>I tell her about all the times she wasn't a mom for me and how she's never cared about me when my brothers were around, only when I was her last resort. (still not mad just informative)
>she breaks down crying and I tell her we don't have a mother and son bond like everyone else cause she never tried to establish one.
>she stops trying to bond with me
>I'm 19 now
>will move out in three months
>she's accepted the fact that she never liked me as a son
>the whole house is full of pictures of my brothers but not one single picture of me.
>not one of my medals from soccer, running, hockey or boxing can be found in the house
>not a single painting I made in preschool
>she won't miss me when I've moved out
>Tfw you don't know what it is like having a loving and caring mother
Last post is just an update
>I did reconnect with my half brother on my mothers side
>He has a daughter who looks eerily like me. I adore them both and spend time visiting them when I can
>I'm in school full time now as an English major
>Been with my childhood friend bf, technically fiance now, for almost ten years
>We're in the process of buying our first home
>I reconnected with my Grandparents and had the privilege of meeting and caring for my grandfather in his final days
>I learned about his civil rights activism, his decorated military career, and his community work
>My grandmother had a successful career as one of the first black female postmasters in our state
>she later retired to do realty
>my mother's side is actually super richy-rich (keep in mind I grew up in poverty)
>my Mother had been cut off because of her party hard lifestyle, thats how she met my Dad and why my grandparents were raising my brother
>The college's newest building where I've been attending is actually named after my great aunt a fact I just learned recently
I've learned life is what you make it.
>start highschool that year
>only kid from my old school to go to this new one
>i was always a shy kid so making friends was hard
>on top of that all my other friends went to a school i didnt get in to
>naturally i became sad, always crying at school
>became known as the "sad kid"
>spoke to the counselor all the time
>i never got made fun of, kids werent as cruel at this school
>one year later i somehow have a group of people i can consider friends
>still upset about old school friends
>at this point i've actually been clinically diagnosed for depression, it was that hard for me
>fast forward another year, mum lets me get a puppy, named him Rexxy
>this dog, let me tell ya, the best friend i ever had
>the depression faded away, because i knew no matter how shit my day was, Rexxy was always there and happy to see me
>get home one day from school, say hi to rexxy and go to my room
>dad gets home, says hi, then takes dogs for a walk
>20 minutes later, knock on my door
>"rexxy was hit by a car"
>he's laying dead in his basket
>my world fucking crumbled
>i never got over his death
>its been 5 years since
>i've had a falling out with my dad because of it
>my mum and dad are divorced
>i dont feel emotions anymore
>all i care about is wanting to die, but i'd never commit suicide cause more than likely my dad would kill himself too
>dads always been an alcoholic
>he doesnt talk to his parents and he lost contact with his brother years ago
>me and my sister are all he has
>i dont know if i love him anymore
>i dont want to live
I know those feels bro.
For better or worse, you only get one dad. You should try to patch things up with him. It sounds like he's got his own issues that he's struggling with, I'm sure you can relate to that. Maybe it will go well, maybe it won't, but life's too short not to try.
Happiness is an ilusion that society make up to distract us from the real problems society have,is like brain washing.
why are you not happy? -> it's your fault ->you ve to keep trying.
so they make you chase that "happiness" that did'nt exist and you are convinced that's real, but it really doesn’t.
All you need to know is to be yourself and enjoy what you do...don't chace happiness it doesn’t exist
Man that's hard... Hope it gets better for you man.