Navigation: /b/ - Random [Archive] | Search | [Home]
RandomArchive logo

Share your tinder horror stories.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 353
Thread images: 88
Share your tinder horror stories.
>>
>>680463015
I'd still eat her dusty cream egg cunt out any day.
>>
>>680463282
My mom saw me type this and I have to say sorry now. Sorry guys
>>
Did you find this beaut in Oxford?
>>
Get tons of matches but the bitches never message me back. I'm fairly certain that they're all bots.
>>
She reminds me of

watch?v=8pIeSYhipUs
>>
>got tinder to try it out
>nobody ever taught me the basics of it
>mainly that most of the girls on it have just come out of long term relationships and are looking to get back into one
>the very first girl i meet from there becomes my girlfriend
>18 months later still is
>tried to open myself up to a world of sexual adventures and immediately got tied down
>>
>>680464059
get fucked son
>>
>>680464599
dad please get off my taiwanese basket weaving forum
>>
>>680463015
>on Tinder for about a month
>going well, caught up with 3 girls
>4th girl, go over to her house
>start fucking, hear noise come from wardrobe
>get up to look, guy in there filming an jacking off
>wtf, start kicking the dude
>grab the camera, grab my clothes and bolt
>never again
>>
>>680465506
Fuck him in the ass
>>
>>680465506
Spoil sport
>>
>>680465506
Since you have the camera, post the video
>>
>match with girl
>says she's bald in her profile but clearly not
>open with "bald? i hope you mean your vagoo"
>"i have alopecia"
>>
>>680463697
This.
Dumped it because of that.Just tried bumble for 24 hrs and deleted with prejudice,its a cuck app.
>>
>>680463367
Kek
>>
File: worf_0.jpg (40 KB, 694x530) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
worf_0.jpg
40 KB, 694x530
>>680463015
"Daughter... where are you?"
>>
>>680466564
haaaa
>>
File: willsalv.png (126 KB, 262x230) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
willsalv.png
126 KB, 262x230
>>
>>680463697
>>680466634
autists detected
>>
>>680467628
Yeah just be good looking and you have no trouble
>>
>>680467315
Haha you read my mind anon
>>
>>680466634

Damn...guess I'll stick with old ass OKCupid then. At least got a little ass using it, and a girlfriend for five months before she realized how boring I am.
>>
>>680466721
samefag, here's your (You)
>>
>>680467895

It's Tinder. You have to match. I'm not just creeping on random bitches out of the blue. They had to like me too.
>>
File: image.png (64 KB, 750x1334) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.png
64 KB, 750x1334
>>
File: 1459211456410.jpg (8 KB, 170x170) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1459211456410.jpg
8 KB, 170x170
>>680466564
>>
File: IMG_8346.jpg (803 KB, 1920x1920) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
IMG_8346.jpg
803 KB, 1920x1920
Not as fun as it sounds, bitch was crazy and showed up and my house in the middle of the night
>>
>>680463367
Put your mom on the computer. I wanna talk to her. She sounds hot
>>
>>680463367
Tell your mom tits or gtfo.

With timestamp
>>
>>680468731
that sounds fun.
also that sounds too good to be true.
why would a girl looking like that be this easy, on tinder AND looking for a serious relationship all at the same time.
>>
>>680468731
She wanted to have a marriage set up while you're asleep
>>
File: 1435169913518.jpg (16 KB, 526x297) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1435169913518.jpg
16 KB, 526x297
>>680468731
jesus...

how did you get her to leave? I imagine if you told her you maybe possibly weren't 100% interested she'd disembowel you with a pair of kitchen scissors.
>>
>>680468731
Poor you, pussy on tap, turning up in the night needing filling up
>>
>>680469014
>why would a girl looking like that be this easy, on tinder AND looking for a serious relationship all at the same time.
Because she was 18.

>>680469074
>how did you get her to leave?
I didn't at first.
>have houseparty
>tell her that I don't have time for her
>made the mistake of telling here where I live earlier
>not exact address, but pretty recognizable house and big party
>girl suddenly stands in my living room
First I saw it as free sex delivered to my door and went with it. The days after I saw her scribble something in her notebook and looked through it, saw my name with a heart in there on the day of my party and the day we met again and other days in the future. Names of other guys on other days, also with a heart around them. There were small notes next to each that noted where she met each of us and what happened on the date.
I made up an excuse and somehow managed to get rid of her by not answering her texts or returning her calls.
>>
>>680469524
Dodged a bullet there.
>>
>>680463015
Studying maths or the human race to see if her kind can populate Earth?>>680468731
>>
>>680469524
eh, i've had worse. shoul've kept her as a fuckbuddy, seems like she would have been ok with that role.
>>
>>680468731
Shitthatneverhappenedtome.txt
>>
The day after I broke up with ny gf I Had a match with a pornstar and fucked her the day after , best day ever
>>
>>680469926
but then she'd probably lie about birth control or poke holes in the condoms
>>
not a particular horror story, but that basically 50% of girls on tinder are this. "intersectional feminists" whose entire personality is one big defensive blockade against any kind of human intimacy.

a lot of them are big fatsos like this one, but many are actually decently hot. it's just sad that the disease of feminism has infected so many girls. i hate that the pool of potential mates has been so reduced by this. sometimes i wanna just kill myself or go gay.
>>
>>680470072

moar of hambeast
>>
>>680470122

moar 2
>>
>>680470072
stay strong anon, don't become a faggot.
>>
>>680470173

moar 3
>>
>>680469524

>made the mistake of telling here where I live earlier

i used lovoo alot... made the same mistake once... rented rooms on per month basis afterwards because some of these bitches should be put down.. or at least in an asylum
>>
>>680470072
>>680470240
>not a horror story
>>
>>680470240

moar 4
>>
>>680470173
Fort worth ? I mighta fucked her last month.
>>
>>680470051
that's why you only trust yourself with condoms. also with her being this good looking and 18 she's not really the demographic for that.
the 25 year old 5/10 is who you gotta worry about.
>>
>>680470317

last moar
>>
>>680463015
Proving once again, if you put an average girl next to a fugly one, it makes the average girl look really hot.
>>
File: maxresdefault.jpg (171 KB, 1200x900) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
maxresdefault.jpg
171 KB, 1200x900
>>680464059
>>
>>680470364
I'm sorry to hear that
>>
>>680465506
>>680466191
Yeah dude post video
>>
>>680470373
this bitch gon die alone
>>
File: haram.jpg (58 KB, 531x471) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
haram.jpg
58 KB, 531x471
>>680470072

>not a horror story o0
>>
>>680469965
who? buck angel prob
>>
>>680470072
>donttouchme69
Great username for someone that's on Tinder yet 'doesn't want to fuck'.
>>
File: 100.gif (83 KB, 395x281) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
100.gif
83 KB, 395x281
>>680468731
>bottom right picture
>kike
>>
>>680470686
Na proxy paige
>>
>Meet a few girls
> Sex
> Meet one and hit it off well
> sex is great
> 2 years later married and have a kid with her
> No regrets
>>
OC from a trip to tennessee
>>
>>680470122
>hambeast

kek'd
>>
>>680463015
ah that sucks... no doubt she mostly gets replies from people who think 'hmm well it is 50/50, it could be the hot one' instead of knowing full well it is guaranteed to be the munter

though if you didn't pull on night and were drunk... I mean she's got a decent 21 yr old's body - just switch the lights off and I'm sure she'll be super enthusiastic. Some hot girls can be a bit complacent whereas with that little hobbit you can probably do whatever you like....
>>
File: 1452367984373.jpg (18 KB, 372x328) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1452367984373.jpg
18 KB, 372x328
>>680463367
>>
>>680470856
was she loose as fuck after all the horsecock dildo videos shes done?
>>
>>680464059
>tried to open myself up to a world of sexual adventures

>built a relationship around monogamy.

Son, your problem is that you have balls of cotton. I found my gf from okcupid. On second date we had already discussed and agreed we are both into polygamy but also want something stable.

3 months in, she is looking for girls for our relationship under my direction. And of course there is a good amount of shit I have to do to maintain this but it's a hell of a lot easier to take care of my girl when she is making sure to take care of me too.

inb4 you found a hoe and all that jazz, she is indeed way more open-minded than the average silly bitch but then again I never invested in an average silly bitch. If something's not going to work from the beginning there is no need to work on it.
>>
>Meet QT Asian
>She think's Tinder is a dating app, not a let's fuck app
>It's cool, we have a nice time, she agrees to fuck
>Like halfway through I realize there is blood on my dick
>Thought she was on her period
>She wasn't, literally wouldn't stop bleeding
>Had to drop her off at the Hospital to "end" our date
>>
>>680470122
>professional blogger tumblr

Kek
>>
>>680468731
you missed out anon
>>
>>680471164
how does it feel to know that you gave her permission to fuck guys behind your back?
>>
>>680471097
Unfortunately I didn't do anal with her so I don't know, her pussy was just fine. And just so you know She can suck cock like a maniac. Best bj ever
>>
File: 1460476215054.png (1 MB, 1242x3240) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1460476215054.png
1 MB, 1242x3240
>>680469524
She sounds like a female version of pic related
>>
>>680463015
It kinda looks like Dren from splice
>>
>>680471264
I'm sure he dodged a bullet. As a good looking man in his late 20s, these girls will be the downfall of you. It might be a tight pussy/ass for a night but she will literally never leave you alone and will make your life hell because you tricked her out and she doesn't know what to do with herself now.
>>
asking for a friend, what if you are that horror story.
>>
>>680471315
That aint a bad deal if youre allowed to pick up women behind her back.
>>
>>680471164

I've been in an open relationship for 20 years. Few problems, tons of sex and a lot of homemade porn.

Good for you!
>>
>>680468731
I know who dropped her off in the middle of the night... her last tinder date. Serious, my friend who has done this a few times says a lot seem like they are fucking their way around America; getting a ride to new tinder date, fuck for some resources, ask for ride to next fuck-date, repeat...
>>
>>680468731
I bet she had aids
>>
>>680465506
similar story

>meet girl on tinder
>2am one day
>text her and ask if she wants to fuck
>she agrees
>fuck her
>accidentally fall asleep next to her
>wake up to the sound of her boyfriend coming home
>decide to not get my ass kicked
>hide in her closet until he gets in the shower
>run the fuck away
>>
>>680465506
At least you got a camera
>>
>>680471430

Why does it have to be "behind her back"? I tell my wife I made plans for Friday night, she makes plans for Friday night and she comes home in the morning and makes me breakfast.

Last week she came home while Becky was still here. So, I fucked them both.
>>
>>680471520

I bet you'll never have AIDS or any other STDs.
>>
File: NzB4KF.gif (10 KB, 508x408) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
NzB4KF.gif
10 KB, 508x408
>>680471536
>>
>>680471408
Shes just lookin for a little guidance man.
>>
>>680469074
Kek, chopper Dave. I gotta watch that show now.
>>
File: 1460245491903.png (108 KB, 489x533) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1460245491903.png
108 KB, 489x533
>>680463367
Stale pasta
>>
>>680471576

Why did you name your real doll?
>>
>>680471674
You don't guide crazy. You fuck it's brains out and never talk to it again. You get your one-off and call it quits.

She will literally ruin your life and she knows she can do it.

you must be ugly or something.
>>
>>680471812

>you must be ugly or something.

lol aw anon, why you gotta try and make it personal? Good luck being so bitter lol
>>
>>680471988
Nigga what
>>
>>680472042
Good luck being naive. :^)
>>
>>680471365
>welsch?
Wat
>>
>>680472114
Thanks man lol Its woked out pretty well so far.
>>
>meet girl at her unit
>start watching movie on couch
>lose clothes jumps on my lap
>doin the dirt while im sitting on the couch
> grabbing her ass i feel something hard brush my hand
>minute later i catch something hard and moist in my hand, its shit
>throw her on to the floor, grab my clothes ran outside naked and fled.


fuck that
>>
File: -59.png (2 MB, 1440x2560) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
-59.png
2 MB, 1440x2560
Got this cutie a while back. We were talking and it was all good and then I looked closer at her pictures.......
>>
>>680472228
Good fucking god I'm dying
>>
File: 13.png (2 MB, 1440x2560) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
13.png
2 MB, 1440x2560
>>680472287
>>
>>680470605
One of my mates has been dating a tumblrina hamplanet for awhile now. Don't underestimate their ability to get guys whipped.
>>
File: 1405991319085.gif (91 KB, 160x120) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1405991319085.gif
91 KB, 160x120
>>
>>680472228

Better than covered in shit while she's on top of you and litterally looses her shit.
>>
Finally, a thread where I can dump all my uglies.
>>
>>680472352
>>680472287
Are you saying you wouldn't fuck her and then dump her because she's a cripple? dude thats rude as hell
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>680471783

To make you envious. But seriously, they are expensive and unnecessary. I might fuck 3 or 4 women in a single evening at a swinger party.
>>
>>
>>
>>680470072
>>680470122
>>680470173
>>680470240
>>680470317
>>680470373

Holy fuck that thing is so horrible my dick receded into my body and I grew a vagina.
>>
>>680472549
>at full time mummy
>>
>>
>>
these threads always make me feel x10 better about myself
im not even that bad looking but i just think im not good enough
then i see these fucks
anyone else relate?
>>
>>680472576
> 5k runner
> runner
>>
>>
>>680472352
You needed to look closer to notice she has a walker and says she has cerebral palsy?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>680472757
she can still run, she just has spaghetti legs
>>
>>
>>680465506
didnt happen in slightest
>>
>>680472228
Similar one
>meet girl at her house
>older lady
>divorced milf hungry for dick
>we fuck for hours
>i cum inside her and I fall asleep in her bed
>wake up at 3AM to a strange sensation
>lamp is on, she's in between my legs with my limp dick in her mouth and a vibrator up my asshole
>Oh God it feels so good but I wasn't prepared for this in any way
>my body jerked and the vibe slipped out
>liquid shit squirts out of my bungus
>turns out she put a towel there
>she starts moaning and picking it up slapping it against her pussy
>im on the verge of throwing up
>get my pants halfway around my ankles and and run the fuck away
>she is still moaning in the bedroom
God I used to jerk off to so much scat but the smell was so horrendous it put me off for life
>>
>>
>>680472827
Her gum game is strong
>>
>>680472778
I just thought she was sitting down a lot in her photos.
>>
File: image.png (406 KB, 750x1334) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.png
406 KB, 750x1334
>>680463015
Ask me whatever
>>
>>
>>680472576
>>680472778
I don't care that she has cerebral palsy, but her eyes, they're soulless.
>>
>>680472880
>spaghetti legs

My sides
>>
>>
>>
File: 77013.png (795 KB, 719x1280) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
77013.png
795 KB, 719x1280
>>
>>680472649

I didnt know we were talking about swinger parties lol that shit doesnt count. We both know youre getting 4's and 5's in that shit. Might as well pick up chicks at 2am in a bar nigga lol
>>
>>
>>680472894
holy shit
>>
>>680472689
>titus andromadon
>>
>>680472909
Could probably scrub up a bit and gain a couple of points
>>
>>680472909
Aww
>>
>>680472926
I wanna see your main pic that everyone swipes thru
>>
Matched with the perfect girl a few weeks back. Super cute, could hold her own in a conversation, funny, about 3-4 years younger than me.

Anyway, I wanted to meet up with her right away but she had to go out of town, and when she finally was back I had to be out of town. We kept chatting in the meantime and it was amazing. Seldom have I harmonized so well with a woman and I was super eager to meet up.

At that point I was fantasizing about the search being over. I thought I had at last found the one.

The day comes where we meet up. I invite her for some drinks at this little upscale lounge near my apartment where we can get drinks and talk for a bit. I see her walk in and she is drop dead gorgeous, even more so than in the pics. I thought I had hit payday. She sits down and we begin to talk, and that's where things started to fall apart.

As infatuated as I was with her, and even more so in person, it became clear as time passed that her appreciation of me was the complete opposite. I have been on many tinder dates and through experience I can easily tell within the first 10-15 minutes whether an interaction has a future or not. All logical signs pointed to the negative, but I did not want to yield. I could not give up on the girl of my dreams. So I pressed on and made the awkward affair a 3-hour-long one.

At the end of the night I went in for the kiss, and surprisingly she did not turn away. But it was a passionless kiss, like one you would give a relative. I sat there kinda defeated while we waited for her uber to show up. We said good night, and she climbed into her uber.

The next few days I made desperate last attempts to perhaps salvage something, but she completely ignored my texts. It hit me fucking hard, /b/, not gonna lie. It was a huge loss and I was overcome with grief.

I'm starting to see new women again, but they don't even come close to her, and it's depressing the shit out of me.
>>
File: image.jpg (111 KB, 640x1136) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.jpg
111 KB, 640x1136
>>680472926
Fucking weak match game
>>
>>680473041
> share your chinder horror stories
>>
File: awJjiFht4.png (587 KB, 550x733) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
awJjiFht4.png
587 KB, 550x733
>>680473083
>>
>>680472576
dude, remember where you are
>>
>>680472926
>200 matches
>opening with yoyoyo
How many of the did you actually meet?
>>
>>680473136
Asians dont count
>>
>>680469524
>2016
>"I saw her scribble something in her notebook and looked through it"

yeah, life isnt a 90s chick flick. fuck off
>>
>>680463015
full name of the chick on the right? facebook page?
>>
>>680463015
She looks like she's halfway to turning in to a cat on an Animorphs cover.
>>
>>680473234
Fuck
>>
>>680473197
I'm half japanese Elliot Rodger >>680473136
mayn what am I supposed to do
>>
File: 43948.jpg (196 KB, 720x480) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
43948.jpg
196 KB, 720x480
>>680472880
>mfw spaghetti legs can run a 5k and i cant
Im not even mad
>>
>>680473041
>mfw she looks like Watto
>>
>read up on some marketing/PR/sales classes/courses/books
>match with a girl
>get to talkin for a little bit
>apply all that marketing shit where you have to seem interested and try to connect and pay attention to her needs instead of my own
>"amagawd we're so alike i feel such a deep connection!!'
>ask her if she ever did something crazy
>like meeting up with a total stranger and having sex without speaking a word/getting to know them not even for 5 minutes, just for the hell of it
>actually convince her this is a good idea, she says it sounds very exciting and 'amagawd we has connection!!!'
>the next evening she tells her roommates to leave and tells me i can come over
>i show up, she opens the door, wearing a sexy tight dress, she's just as good looking irl and her ass is the second comin
>i try to say hi and kiss her on the cheeks but she kisses me on the mouth
>we kiss all the way to the bedroom and have sex
>then we go to her kitchen and she opens a bottle of wine and we talk and laugh about how crazy we are
>we've been fucking for 2 months now and she says it's all she wants what with her very busy schedule, job, part time job, student organizations etc.


I like what's going on and it's fun and the sex is amazing but there's a voice in the back of my head saying the horror is a coming, and soon too, no sane chick can just accept that shit and fuck like that
>>
>>680473116
I feel you on that dude. I pictured the whole thing. it's not so bad though, 7 billion (+) people, I'm sure theres atleast 1000 people that look like her and act like her.

and heres most important of all,
if she didn't like YOU, she wasn't any good anyway. why want a girl that wouldnt love you? you're a sweetheart anon, any girl that doesn't like you is an ugly dumb whore. you're a nice guy m8, got all excited amd shit for your date.

you should listen to the other side by frank joe
>>
>>680472970
How was the pussy?
>>
>>680471315
how does it feel knowing that not only I have found a way around it so that neither of us ever cheats or feels the need to, but I have also been fucking her so good she worships my cock.

And she was pretty honest about it all. I ve never made her feel unsafe speaking her mind but rather unsafe to not do so.

Does it itch, knowing you can't even have a gf to begin with?
>>
>>680473221
But .. but I have a notebook as well?
I work in a creative field and noting everything you think of is great.
>>
>>680473442
ANNI?! IS THAT YOU?
>>
>>680472894
fuck me..
>>
File: 1449942155975.png (665 KB, 576x1024) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449942155975.png
665 KB, 576x1024
>>
>>680469524

>made the mistake of telling here where I live earlier
>not exact address, but pretty recognizable house

Same shit happened to me, bitch turned up at 7 in the morning opens door walks into my living room. I'm sitting there naked freebasing coke and she still wanted to stay.

If I walked in on even someone I knew smoking coke naked and tweeking the fuck out I'd get the fuck outta and let them chill.

I reasoned that she was not of sound mind and I may be getting murdered if I didn't handle this correctly
>>
File: 1111133333.jpg (80 KB, 543x694) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1111133333.jpg
80 KB, 543x694
>>
File: 1449942309381.png (542 KB, 550x1017) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449942309381.png
542 KB, 550x1017
>>
File: 1449945221427.png (1 MB, 1080x1920) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449945221427.png
1 MB, 1080x1920
>>
>>680473478
Enjoy the ride while it last
>>
File: 1449943356113.png (1013 KB, 1080x1920) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449943356113.png
1013 KB, 1080x1920
>>
File: 1449945321230.jpg (106 KB, 640x1136) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449945321230.jpg
106 KB, 640x1136
>>
>>680473484
Found the grill.
>>
>>680473221
Is it 'current year'?
>>
>>680473611
>>
>>680473725
I don't know what any of this means
>>
>>680472774
>wang
>>
>>680472584
If its middle, I'd hit that!!
>>
>>680473660
>>680473725
>>680473791
>>680473665
This thread is better than YLYL
>>
>>680473665
Could have told you that about Mary part just by looking at her. Fucking dickshitter
>>
>>680473725
https://paintstardust.com/about/
>>
>>680473484
That's pretty gay dude
>>
>>680471453
Thank you anon!
>>
>>680471018
id fuck her still. the issue ive run into though is ugly girls having standards. like wanting to wait til marriage and crap. its like what...
>>
File: 1452609419582.jpg (61 KB, 381x604) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1452609419582.jpg
61 KB, 381x604
>>680473725
THE MOUSTACHE
>>
>>680473660
SHIIIIIIT
This isn't an unfunny YLYL thread.
>>
>>680467315
No cool anon, involving family like this.
>>
>>680473974
>To all the ignorant folks out there: queer rape is a thing and doesn’t have to involve penetration to be rape.
>>
>>680473116
some people just don't like you even though you like them :(
>>
File: IMG_4015.jpg (364 KB, 960x1280) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
IMG_4015.jpg
364 KB, 960x1280
>briefly dated girl, little younger than me
>find out she's a third-wave feminist
>constantly talks about hating men
>intro her to best friends, and my female friend hates her
>she's upfront with her opinion
>feminist tells me I can't talk to her anymore, and must tell her off
>no.jpg
>"breaks up" with me before Valentine's Day
>laugh it off

pic related, her ass.
>>
>>680473665
She looks like one of those dogs whose been stung by bees.
>>
File: 1449945297122.jpg (24 KB, 283x519) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449945297122.jpg
24 KB, 283x519
>>
File: 1449944880736.jpg (16 KB, 288x512) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1449944880736.jpg
16 KB, 288x512
>>
>>680473665
her face
her bio
oh.
>>
>>680473116
Come the fuck on! You felt all that through chatting and never actually spending any time with her?! Jesus Christ.
>>
>>680474070
Men can be raped by women, you feminist cunt.
>>
File: 1461178106833.gif (2 MB, 320x240) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1461178106833.gif
2 MB, 320x240
>>680473018
There is literally no way that she's as tall as 5 ft.
>>
>>680474260
She doesn't look a day under 70. HOW
>>
>>680473725
http://en.gravatar.com/paintstardust
they have a fetlife.com account
http://glitt3rpaint.tumblr.com/
>>
>>680473665

she forgot...
>chin
>>
>>680473484
Is....is this bait?
>>
>>680465506
Post video you retarded faggot
>>
>>680474223
I swear I've seen her in person, but I could be wrong
>>
>>680474156
Yeah, it's called life moron.
>>
>>680474177
>Checked

And only a dumb bitch would have a bender ass tat fuckin disgusting
>>
>>680474223
>socialism

These mongs have no idea what socialism is about. They're neoliberals, not socialists and they give us a bad fucking name. Now everyone thinks socialists are feminist, weed-smoking wasters who post on Tumblr all day about how men rape women by wearing ties.

Pisses me off.
>>
File: 1460266847056.jpg (84 KB, 700x714) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1460266847056.jpg
84 KB, 700x714
>>680472894
>>
>>680473484

Thanks brah. I'm just venting. I've been on tinder for 2+ years and even though I've had some success, she was BY FAR the one who made the strongest impression on me. I'm wondering now how much more I need to grind through to find the next one.
>>
>>680474405
This
>>
File: it.png (566 KB, 640x960) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
it.png
566 KB, 640x960
Ocee
>>
>>680473136
Yeah sure, now everyone in 4chan has a million matches and fucks everyday with 10 different girls, tell me more bro
>>
>>680474260
Satan pls no y?
>>
>>680473083
Not happening
>>680473136
Fake profiles don't count anon
>>680473172
I don't open with that

A fair amount. The ones that are actually nearby to me.
>>
>>680472774
misspelled "Michael"
>>
>>680474568
>6km bort
>>
>>680474472

No tits, dude.
None.

Her face was cute, but her personality was like running a cheese grater on my dick.
>>
File: it2.jpg (1 MB, 1936x2592) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
it2.jpg
1 MB, 1936x2592
>>680474568
>>
>>680473031
You might very well be getting 7's though and does it really matter if she is a super model or not anon?

Is your palm so fucking beautiful you would only trade it for a Jessica Alba?!
>>
File: it3.jpg (1 MB, 1936x2592) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
it3.jpg
1 MB, 1936x2592
>>680474744
>>
File: Igor.png (894 KB, 640x960) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Igor.png
894 KB, 640x960
>>
>>680474568
>6 killometer bort

When even tinder hints that you shouls abort mission
>>
>>680464059
You realize that you can dump someone at any time, right?
>>
>>680474576
What do you want me to message one of them? I'll say anything I'm bored and my chick is asleep rn.
>>680473136
>>
>>680474555
Trips of the doomed pussy. Listen, relationships are a two way street. Quit focusing how you feel such a deep connection with these girls. It's a detriment to creating a relationship. The connection must be mutual and that's when you should start getting the deeper feels. Not when you haven't even met face to face.
>>
>>680470364
Aye my nigga
>>
>>680473041
Fat Gauge looks like a fun time
>>
File: Igor2.png (810 KB, 640x960) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Igor2.png
810 KB, 640x960
>>680474840
>>
File: 1440141889506.png (522 KB, 490x750) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1440141889506.png
522 KB, 490x750
>>
File: Igor3.png (825 KB, 640x960) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Igor3.png
825 KB, 640x960
>>680474906
>>
Not sure if horror story:

>Gf of 3 years dumps me. Sad but hey, finally can try Tinder and get some herpes.
>I'm a bro so get a match day one. Hot, blonde, totally my type. Nice!
>After one day of messaging set up hookup.
>Literally 3 days after break up, I'm drunk at this sluts house. Nice! Literally your number 1 bro over here.
>After making out like 15min I get her naked and start fingering her. Damn that's wet.
>Dude wat, that's.... wet as fuck.
>Within 2 minutes explodes. Like squirting all over. I've never seen anything like this.
>Within 10 minutes, she came maybe 2-3 times and squirted maybe 5 times. No joke. I was teasing saying why didn't she warn me to take my swimming goggles or that it would be rainy.
>Before I even have a condom on, half of the king-size bed is SOAKED and I do mean it.
>I'm like, nice. Le'ts fuck. Squirts all over me a few times. Pussy is showering me all over and I'm just thinking, wtf is pussy juice even. Should I freak out?
>Fuck for a bit, maybe half hour, after I came and frenzy was over I realise how sticky I am, all over.
>Go to sleep after, roll around all night in seriously drenched bedding. It was sleeping in a cold pussy-juice drenched bed and I wish I was joking.
>Best day ever.

Anyway, Tinder is fucking funny! Seen 3 girls in one month. Seeing squirty next week again for the third time!
Happy fucking bois.
>>
>>680473619
>I reasoned that she was not of sound mind and I may be getting murdered if I didn't handle this correctly

Anon is smart.

I assume your opening line was "take your clothes off and make yourself comfortable."
>>
>>680473603
with a dildo?
>>
>>680473725
Hahahahaha PURE GOLD
>>
>>680472894
>smell was so horrendous it put me off for life
it smells like shit
>>
>>680468731
Deutschbro, woher?
>>
>>680474555
noice trips m8 but oh I meant to say joe frank. he's an old radio guy who told cool noir sounding dating stories, they were mad good it's like american psycho on audiobook with less violence
>>
>>680474962
so... did you enjoy getting pissed on?
>>
>>680474840
>>680474957
Looks like a Damn Picasso painting
>>
>>680474703
Yikes you doged a bullet bro feminists are the worst gfs to have
>>
>>680471365

>Jew? Hope not
>>
I need someone to wash me. Would some desperate chick (or fuck, guy IDC) on Tinder be willing to do that? any idea on how about making that profile?
>>
>>680474853

I suppose the notion that feelings may not be a logical function flies over your virginal, autistic head
>>
File: 1452973152421.jpg (178 KB, 716x960) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1452973152421.jpg
178 KB, 716x960
>>680463015
>be me
>browse 4chan
>see this tinder stories thread
>tinder stories thread
>tinder stories
>4chan
>>
>>680475240
It took me a minute to realize that was a dude's head and shoulder and not an asshole.
>>
>>680474962
>wtf is pussy juice even
It's piss you fuckin' autist.
>>
>>680474962
>Fuck for a bit, maybe half hour, after I came and frenzy was over I realise how sticky I am, all over.
>Turn the light on
>It's not pussy juice but blood, everywhere
>>
>>680475327
Hurt durr luk at mii I maid funnee joek
>>
>>680475149

haha, yeah, I know. Plus, she had no job, no car, and was basically homeless. Like, she gave me all the warnings upfront, which was cool, but I figured, "eh, let's see how far this goes..."
>>
>>680475101
Köln
>>
>>680475191
Wash me? Wtf?!?!
>>
>>680474962
Sounds like you fucked a fire hydrant
>>
File: images.jpg (4 KB, 113x113) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
images.jpg
4 KB, 113x113
>>680463367
hue hue hue hue

la hermoanosa slivocao!!!!!!
>>
>>680475191
Please elaborate, do you need help or is it your fetish?
>>
>>680475480
Dito, krass... Dann mal sehen ob ich sie irgendwann finde
>>
>>680463015
bitch looks like beast from the 1987 tv series
>>
>>680463015

>maths
>s

Yeah I wouldn't go near this dumb cunt.
>>
>>
>>680474962
>cold pussy-juice
>cold piss

Fixed that for you.
My gf is a squirter and I was excited as fuck the first time we had sex. I was at that point completely oblivious of the fact that it's piss that's shooting out of her. In my blissful ignorance I go down on her and drink her squirt. It tasted fine to me.

One day I go to her house and we start fucking and after some light foreplay I go down on her just like I've done a hundred times at that point.
It doesn't take long for her to shake and make noises which I have started to associate with an incoming squirt.
She starts squirting in my face and mouth but something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. It smells and what I would assume as taste, like piss from an old man who hasn't had a drink of water for at least 48 hours. It reeks, it's orange, and it's in my mouth.

The moral of the story is that you should make sure that a squirter is kept hydrated or else you might get a nasty surprise.
>>
>>
>>680473974

There is a LOT of crazy shit on there.

That thing clearly has many, many issues.
>>
File: 1455213520097.gif (2 MB, 300x226) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1455213520097.gif
2 MB, 300x226
>>680468731
how good is it to be a chad?
>>
>>680475217
Lol I never said don't have feelings. What I'm saying is don't think you can have some magical connection with someone having never met them. Doing so makes you a desperate "virginal autist."
>>
>>680475742
>being this dumb
they called it maths every where except the US, you fucking retard. im from america and i still know that
>>
It's currently my favourite thing to go monster hunting on tinder
>>
>>680475775
>fatima
>fat ima
>im a fat
>>
How do you guys even get matches? I got one, but I'm perfectly sure she accidentally clicked on me since she hasn't responded and my message was like 3 months ago.
>>
>>680471205
this is appropriate for once
>virgin detected lulz
>>
>>680475831
>>
>>
>>
>>680475831
>UK Model Agencies

kek
>>
>>
>>680476085
>Cashier @ Hollister Co.

This has made me laugh more than anything else in this thread and I've booted
>>
>>680470364
Where in Fort Worth you from my nigga?
>>
>>
>>680476085
>only date black men
>ABORT ABORT
>>
>me, 21 and desperate after a breakup
>matched with a 6/10 because desperate
>she says shed suck me off and swallow
>i pick her up
>she must have a masters in photography or some shit, because she was the ugliest ham planet i have ever laid eyes on
>like 5' tall and 220lbs and her moustache was coming in
>still desperate
>drive to an empty parking lot
>she starts sucking
>tells me she can deepthroat most guys
>almost throws up on me
>try and ignore the moustache
>i finish as fast as i can
>drive her home
>"hey anon this was great we should do it again"
>she goes in for kiss
>i say uhhhhhhhhhh maybe and dodge it
>she gets out
>immediately texts me that she misses my cock
>i drive home and block her on every social media account i own (facebook and tinder)
>still ashamed to this day
>>
Snap
>>
>>680476234
>18
So at least her pussy might be tight.
>>
>>680463015
>be an ugly faggot
>nobody on tinder ever matches me
>not even the bots
>meet a 6/10 chinese student
>fuck it it's worth a shot
>totally fucking awkward, spoke no English and basically had no idea how to talk to a person normally
>notice a shit load of cigarette burns on her hand
>she wants to get food
>we go to starbucks, I'm trying to end this shit
>I buy nothing, but she buys herself a shit load of food
>just sitting there while she eats
>says bye and walks back to her campus
>handful of matches and no messages
>fast forward to last week
>match with a qt 10/10 who also happens to be the only Japanese person in Texas besides myself
>we hit it off, we have a baller date and shit loads of fun
>we're both exhausted from walking all day
>she asks to go back to my place for Netflix and chill
>parents are fucking there
>just take her home
>total awkward goodbye
>text a couple more times, a few days later she leaves for the Navy
Pretty much ready to kill myself after that
>>
>>680474568
fy fan
>>
>>680476247
It's a fantastic reservoir for comic material tinder, some of the fucking uruks you find look like they've been scraped together off the maternity ward floor
>>
>>680476300
Maisey?
>>
>>680475327
True. I was confused too. kek.
>>
>>680473484
>if she didn't like YOU, she wasn't any good anyway.
This is what MGTOW fedora fags actually believe
>>
>>680473611
that picture scares me...what is that what the fuck
>>
>>680476300
She's kinda cute.
You have a shared friend so it's not impossible for you to find her. I'd fuck her just to able to say that I fucked a mutant.
>>
>>680473904
rule of thumb, if the picture is a group picture, then it's the ugliest... always...
>>
>>680472228
similar thing happened to me once.

>be 19
>be out clubbing, drunk af
>cute girl starts talking to me
>we make out, she agrees to take me to hers
>things get steamy
>she tells me to put those chinese balls up my ass, or she won't fuck.
>they look small enough and im fucking hard as diamonds, so agree
>mid fuck, she RIPS THEM OUT
>i diarrhea all over her
>she starts screaming in pleasure

I still cry when i think about that fucking night, i really wanted to murder her.
>>
>>680476368
You're an idiot
>>
>>
>>680475932
Doesn't change the fact that mathematics is a singular word, you absolute fucking moron.
>>
>>680474957
Beauty
>>
>>680472287
>>680472352
>5k Runner
>runner
topkek
>>
>>680472741
I second that
>>
>>680475339
>thinks pussy juice is piss
Found the virgin
>>
>>680476544
How does this support the original argument exactly you stupid cunt smear?
>>
>>680476494
Was just thinking same thing i could totally get passed her face its just her nose thats fucked up. In saying that tho she'd have to have atleast a 8/10 bod for me to even consider a mutant
>>
File: 20160421_101601.png (796 KB, 1023x1459) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
20160421_101601.png
796 KB, 1023x1459
>>680476392
>uruks
God damn my sides hit terminal velocity after reading that
>>
>>680476368
I was expecting 6/10 to see you with 10/10 and have the most awful mental breakdown, fast forward one week, see in the news that 6/10 burned down 10/10's with her inside, only evidence was a note that said "thanks for the starbucks" so only you knew it was her
>>
>>680476541
You know she fucks that horse.
>>
>>680473665
bet she gives an awesome beejay doe.
>>
>>680474568
>Swedish crack whore confirmed
>>
>>680476541
What is it with all the mongs up in chichester?
>>
>>680476254
I like your style
>>
>>680476764
You heard that too?
>>
>>680474962
This sounds like it was written by a 15 year old who hasn't ever made it past 2nd base
Were you jerking off as you wrote this? Because that's embarrassing
>>
>>680475878
Not as fun as you'd imagine.
I'm on the same depressed level as you are, we are both tfw no gf.

I like artsy independent girls, the ones with clothes from the thrift store, fjallraven kanken backpacks and a touch of weed mixed in their perfume.
I thought in order to get girls I have to be fit, so I started going to /fit/ and worked out 5 days a week. I lost most of my friends because they rather played videogames (so would I) instead of going otter.

Now I'm at a point where I'm barely even myself anymore. The girls I like think I'm a airhead fuckboy and the girls that like me look like the girl above. When I browse though my match list I'm bored, these girls are fun for a night, but so is Counter Strike. I want a girl that loves me for what I am, even though there isn't much left of me.
>>
>>680476528
Sorry bro but i keke'd audibly
>>
>>680476534
I know
>>
>>680472909

>WayneRooney.jpg
>>
File: rarra.jpg (39 KB, 308x326) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
rarra.jpg
39 KB, 308x326
>>680473791
>culinary arts
>>
>>680476826
I dont know pal, I'm in Brighton and all the girls are pretty decent tbh
>>
>>680464599
top kek
>>
>>680468125
Yeah, OKC is good because they allow the "mostly monogamous" title, my wife and I have pulled a few girls out of that...and fetlife actually
>>
>>680476705
You don't think her face is kinda cute though? If she painted herself blue she would look like a Na’vi.
>>
I swiped left
>>
>>680476541
Totally hasn't sucked horse cock
>>
>>680476854
Know that feel bro
>>
>>680474925
I posted 600250907.
I am so proud of myself.
>>
>>680473554
Calm down cuck
>>
>>680476621
It literally is piss. Girls don't have some secret reserve of mystery liquid that they can just eject like a fire hose.
There have been studies that have proven that it's piss.

Pussy doesn't lubricate with piss, but squirt is piss
>>
>>680476854
fucking whiner, get shot
>>
>>680476820
Hon bor I Flemingsberg så om du är sugen på en avsugning så kan du säkert betala med crack.
>>
>>
>>680475887

Why not? Is it difficult to fathom that an intellectual, spiritual, and even sexual connection can be formed through a textual medium? Have you never had your tiny cock get hard from reading something raunchy?

Regardless, I am aware that meeting face-to-face is necessary to make things "complete", but personal matters in this case resulted in some delays. Just enough time to have the imagination run wild.
>>
>>680476946
Im far from there mate, im in the South West, i know some gals that go Uni there though
>>
>>680475525
>>680475643
Almost bedridden, going to be for months until some medicine takes effect. Haven't been able to adequately clean myself for weeks now, and to get a nurse to come clean me at my house is like $150 dollars.

Was hoping that someone on Tinder would do it for freeish, or atleast for cheaper than $150

srsly though, does this sound possible?
>>
>>680468731
What city? I can tame that bitch. Sounds like a perfect time to tie her up, ballgag her, blindfold her and teach her how to be an obedient little slut...
>>
>>680477079
He asked so I told him the truth.
>>
>>680473791
Yes please
>>
>>680476854
Boo fucking hop. You can't make girls like you. That's your problem, you are trying to make them like you by changing yourself. You know what all girls love? Confidence. You don't need to be a cocky fuck but you do need to be comfortable with yourself and just be you and fuck anyone else. Those girls can pick up on the fact you are trying to be someone else, people are awkward when they do that shit. Just be you and the girls will come(cum).
>>
>>680476965
Kek i can see it but it dosen't work for me brother
>>
>>680476745
I like the way you think
>>
>>680476665

>I already know other countries incorrectly abbreviate mathematics (a singular word) as "maths" (a plural abbreviation)
>the joke being it's not the girl's face that put me off but her poor grammar and her country's poor grammar

You're the type of person that explains why toothpaste has instructions on it.
>>
>>680477261
Cologne
>>
>>680475831
>UK model agencies
She's probably free most of time.
>>
>>680473850
I'd slam, not even gonna lie
>>
>>680477238
It depends. Does your dick work? How ugly are you? Can you suck cock?
>>
>>680470122

>I have a tight pussy

How can you be both a skank and a prude?

There hasn't been a paradox of this caliber since stagflation.
>>
File: Bort_1_and_2.jpg (41 KB, 320x240) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Bort_1_and_2.jpg
41 KB, 320x240
>>680474568
>BORT
>>
>>680477160
Bruce jenner lookin ass hoe
>>
Meh not a tinder story but similar
> Be years ago playing vanilla wow
> One of the raid tanks
> Work from home
> Best healer always forces his wife to come along
> shit hunter
> since I work from home and she's a housewife I spend a chunk of my day teaching her how to not be shit
> She actually gets decent
> healer thanks me
> she messages me about avoiding her
> There was no need to log in during the day any more
> ignore her so she'll fuck off
> get a message on the guild site
> she's leaving her husband, put the kid in the car and she's on her way
> Freak out
> how did she get my address
> its in my information on the guild site (only officers can see that shit I assume she used her husbands login.)
> Wait thats not my address
> I put the address for pizza hut from a coupon flyer back when I created the account.
> leave guild
> change the advertising banners on the guild site to a porn site
> close my guild site account
> stop using the email attached to that account
> re-roll Horde

She was like an 8 hour drive. she was probably pissed but they do have great carry out deals
>>
>>680474906
Illusions of Swedes always being fucking hot is shattered.
>>
>>680473136
HOW
>>
>>680472854
holy shit I know her
>>
>>680477205
Getting hard from reading raunchy material and making human connections are two totally different things. Relationships are not a one or two dimensional medium like texting. They span multiple dimensions which texting will never allow you to experience. You need to get your imagination in check. You aren't playing a fucking game.
>>
>>680463697

be 5' 7" 225 lb love god
botches never want to meet up
they must be bots or lezs
>>
>>680474509
They're American liberals/welfare statists. Milton Friedman was a neoliberal. And you're right that they're not socialists, they're not quite that retarded.
>>
>>680477349
I'm working on it. I reduced my gym time to 3 times a week and I started going there in the morning to be free in the evening.
This weekend I had a little 10 guy lan party at my place with my friends even though the sun was shining and it was beautiful out there.

I started buying the clothes I like again and will get rid of all the stuff I bought because I looked good in it, but felt like shit.
Who knows, maybe some day I'll find a girl that loves me for who I am, if I love myself again.
>>
>>680476621
>Found the virgin
Virgin accuses a sex god of being a virgin. Moron.

I'm gonna say this once more for the morons:
IT
IS
PISS
WHEN
A
CHICK
"SQUIRTS"
NOT pussy juice you muppet.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jsm.12799/abstract
>>
>>680475406
This was the twist that I was hoping for.
Thread replies: 353
Thread images: 88


Navigation: /b/ - Random [Archive] | Search | [Home]
Navigation: /b/ - Random [Archive] | Search | [Home]


If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoins at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that RandomArchive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.