Share your tinder horror stories.
>got tinder to try it out
>nobody ever taught me the basics of it
>mainly that most of the girls on it have just come out of long term relationships and are looking to get back into one
>the very first girl i meet from there becomes my girlfriend
>18 months later still is
>tried to open myself up to a world of sexual adventures and immediately got tied down
>on Tinder for about a month
>going well, caught up with 3 girls
>4th girl, go over to her house
>start fucking, hear noise come from wardrobe
>get up to look, guy in there filming an jacking off
>wtf, start kicking the dude
>grab the camera, grab my clothes and bolt
Not as fun as it sounds, bitch was crazy and showed up and my house in the middle of the night
how did you get her to leave? I imagine if you told her you maybe possibly weren't 100% interested she'd disembowel you with a pair of kitchen scissors.
>why would a girl looking like that be this easy, on tinder AND looking for a serious relationship all at the same time.
Because she was 18.
>how did you get her to leave?
I didn't at first.
>tell her that I don't have time for her
>made the mistake of telling here where I live earlier
>not exact address, but pretty recognizable house and big party
>girl suddenly stands in my living room
First I saw it as free sex delivered to my door and went with it. The days after I saw her scribble something in her notebook and looked through it, saw my name with a heart in there on the day of my party and the day we met again and other days in the future. Names of other guys on other days, also with a heart around them. There were small notes next to each that noted where she met each of us and what happened on the date.
I made up an excuse and somehow managed to get rid of her by not answering her texts or returning her calls.
not a particular horror story, but that basically 50% of girls on tinder are this. "intersectional feminists" whose entire personality is one big defensive blockade against any kind of human intimacy.
a lot of them are big fatsos like this one, but many are actually decently hot. it's just sad that the disease of feminism has infected so many girls. i hate that the pool of potential mates has been so reduced by this. sometimes i wanna just kill myself or go gay.
moar of hambeast
>made the mistake of telling here where I live earlier
i used lovoo alot... made the same mistake once... rented rooms on per month basis afterwards because some of these bitches should be put down.. or at least in an asylum
that's why you only trust yourself with condoms. also with her being this good looking and 18 she's not really the demographic for that.
the 25 year old 5/10 is who you gotta worry about.
ah that sucks... no doubt she mostly gets replies from people who think 'hmm well it is 50/50, it could be the hot one' instead of knowing full well it is guaranteed to be the munter
though if you didn't pull on night and were drunk... I mean she's got a decent 21 yr old's body - just switch the lights off and I'm sure she'll be super enthusiastic. Some hot girls can be a bit complacent whereas with that little hobbit you can probably do whatever you like....
>tried to open myself up to a world of sexual adventures
>built a relationship around monogamy.
Son, your problem is that you have balls of cotton. I found my gf from okcupid. On second date we had already discussed and agreed we are both into polygamy but also want something stable.
3 months in, she is looking for girls for our relationship under my direction. And of course there is a good amount of shit I have to do to maintain this but it's a hell of a lot easier to take care of my girl when she is making sure to take care of me too.
inb4 you found a hoe and all that jazz, she is indeed way more open-minded than the average silly bitch but then again I never invested in an average silly bitch. If something's not going to work from the beginning there is no need to work on it.
>Meet QT Asian
>She think's Tinder is a dating app, not a let's fuck app
>It's cool, we have a nice time, she agrees to fuck
>Like halfway through I realize there is blood on my dick
>Thought she was on her period
>She wasn't, literally wouldn't stop bleeding
>Had to drop her off at the Hospital to "end" our date
She sounds like a female version of pic related
I'm sure he dodged a bullet. As a good looking man in his late 20s, these girls will be the downfall of you. It might be a tight pussy/ass for a night but she will literally never leave you alone and will make your life hell because you tricked her out and she doesn't know what to do with herself now.
I know who dropped her off in the middle of the night... her last tinder date. Serious, my friend who has done this a few times says a lot seem like they are fucking their way around America; getting a ride to new tinder date, fuck for some resources, ask for ride to next fuck-date, repeat...
>meet girl on tinder
>2am one day
>text her and ask if she wants to fuck
>accidentally fall asleep next to her
>wake up to the sound of her boyfriend coming home
>decide to not get my ass kicked
>hide in her closet until he gets in the shower
>run the fuck away
Why does it have to be "behind her back"? I tell my wife I made plans for Friday night, she makes plans for Friday night and she comes home in the morning and makes me breakfast.
Last week she came home while Becky was still here. So, I fucked them both.
You don't guide crazy. You fuck it's brains out and never talk to it again. You get your one-off and call it quits.
She will literally ruin your life and she knows she can do it.
you must be ugly or something.
>meet girl at her unit
>start watching movie on couch
>lose clothes jumps on my lap
>doin the dirt while im sitting on the couch
> grabbing her ass i feel something hard brush my hand
>minute later i catch something hard and moist in my hand, its shit
>throw her on to the floor, grab my clothes ran outside naked and fled.
Got this cutie a while back. We were talking and it was all good and then I looked closer at her pictures.......
Finally, a thread where I can dump all my uglies.
>meet girl at her house
>divorced milf hungry for dick
>we fuck for hours
>i cum inside her and I fall asleep in her bed
>wake up at 3AM to a strange sensation
>lamp is on, she's in between my legs with my limp dick in her mouth and a vibrator up my asshole
>Oh God it feels so good but I wasn't prepared for this in any way
>my body jerked and the vibe slipped out
>liquid shit squirts out of my bungus
>turns out she put a towel there
>she starts moaning and picking it up slapping it against her pussy
>im on the verge of throwing up
>get my pants halfway around my ankles and and run the fuck away
>she is still moaning in the bedroom
God I used to jerk off to so much scat but the smell was so horrendous it put me off for life
I didnt know we were talking about swinger parties lol that shit doesnt count. We both know youre getting 4's and 5's in that shit. Might as well pick up chicks at 2am in a bar nigga lol
Matched with the perfect girl a few weeks back. Super cute, could hold her own in a conversation, funny, about 3-4 years younger than me.
Anyway, I wanted to meet up with her right away but she had to go out of town, and when she finally was back I had to be out of town. We kept chatting in the meantime and it was amazing. Seldom have I harmonized so well with a woman and I was super eager to meet up.
At that point I was fantasizing about the search being over. I thought I had at last found the one.
The day comes where we meet up. I invite her for some drinks at this little upscale lounge near my apartment where we can get drinks and talk for a bit. I see her walk in and she is drop dead gorgeous, even more so than in the pics. I thought I had hit payday. She sits down and we begin to talk, and that's where things started to fall apart.
As infatuated as I was with her, and even more so in person, it became clear as time passed that her appreciation of me was the complete opposite. I have been on many tinder dates and through experience I can easily tell within the first 10-15 minutes whether an interaction has a future or not. All logical signs pointed to the negative, but I did not want to yield. I could not give up on the girl of my dreams. So I pressed on and made the awkward affair a 3-hour-long one.
At the end of the night I went in for the kiss, and surprisingly she did not turn away. But it was a passionless kiss, like one you would give a relative. I sat there kinda defeated while we waited for her uber to show up. We said good night, and she climbed into her uber.
The next few days I made desperate last attempts to perhaps salvage something, but she completely ignored my texts. It hit me fucking hard, /b/, not gonna lie. It was a huge loss and I was overcome with grief.
I'm starting to see new women again, but they don't even come close to her, and it's depressing the shit out of me.
>mfw spaghetti legs can run a 5k and i cant
Im not even mad
>read up on some marketing/PR/sales classes/courses/books
>match with a girl
>get to talkin for a little bit
>apply all that marketing shit where you have to seem interested and try to connect and pay attention to her needs instead of my own
>"amagawd we're so alike i feel such a deep connection!!'
>ask her if she ever did something crazy
>like meeting up with a total stranger and having sex without speaking a word/getting to know them not even for 5 minutes, just for the hell of it
>actually convince her this is a good idea, she says it sounds very exciting and 'amagawd we has connection!!!'
>the next evening she tells her roommates to leave and tells me i can come over
>i show up, she opens the door, wearing a sexy tight dress, she's just as good looking irl and her ass is the second comin
>i try to say hi and kiss her on the cheeks but she kisses me on the mouth
>we kiss all the way to the bedroom and have sex
>then we go to her kitchen and she opens a bottle of wine and we talk and laugh about how crazy we are
>we've been fucking for 2 months now and she says it's all she wants what with her very busy schedule, job, part time job, student organizations etc.
I like what's going on and it's fun and the sex is amazing but there's a voice in the back of my head saying the horror is a coming, and soon too, no sane chick can just accept that shit and fuck like that
I feel you on that dude. I pictured the whole thing. it's not so bad though, 7 billion (+) people, I'm sure theres atleast 1000 people that look like her and act like her.
and heres most important of all,
if she didn't like YOU, she wasn't any good anyway. why want a girl that wouldnt love you? you're a sweetheart anon, any girl that doesn't like you is an ugly dumb whore. you're a nice guy m8, got all excited amd shit for your date.
you should listen to the other side by frank joe
how does it feel knowing that not only I have found a way around it so that neither of us ever cheats or feels the need to, but I have also been fucking her so good she worships my cock.
And she was pretty honest about it all. I ve never made her feel unsafe speaking her mind but rather unsafe to not do so.
Does it itch, knowing you can't even have a gf to begin with?
>made the mistake of telling here where I live earlier
>not exact address, but pretty recognizable house
Same shit happened to me, bitch turned up at 7 in the morning opens door walks into my living room. I'm sitting there naked freebasing coke and she still wanted to stay.
If I walked in on even someone I knew smoking coke naked and tweeking the fuck out I'd get the fuck outta and let them chill.
I reasoned that she was not of sound mind and I may be getting murdered if I didn't handle this correctly
>briefly dated girl, little younger than me
>find out she's a third-wave feminist
>constantly talks about hating men
>intro her to best friends, and my female friend hates her
>she's upfront with her opinion
>feminist tells me I can't talk to her anymore, and must tell her off
>"breaks up" with me before Valentine's Day
>laugh it off
pic related, her ass.
There is literally no way that she's as tall as 5 ft.
These mongs have no idea what socialism is about. They're neoliberals, not socialists and they give us a bad fucking name. Now everyone thinks socialists are feminist, weed-smoking wasters who post on Tumblr all day about how men rape women by wearing ties.
Pisses me off.
Thanks brah. I'm just venting. I've been on tinder for 2+ years and even though I've had some success, she was BY FAR the one who made the strongest impression on me. I'm wondering now how much more I need to grind through to find the next one.
You might very well be getting 7's though and does it really matter if she is a super model or not anon?
Is your palm so fucking beautiful you would only trade it for a Jessica Alba?!
Trips of the doomed pussy. Listen, relationships are a two way street. Quit focusing how you feel such a deep connection with these girls. It's a detriment to creating a relationship. The connection must be mutual and that's when you should start getting the deeper feels. Not when you haven't even met face to face.
Not sure if horror story:
>Gf of 3 years dumps me. Sad but hey, finally can try Tinder and get some herpes.
>I'm a bro so get a match day one. Hot, blonde, totally my type. Nice!
>After one day of messaging set up hookup.
>Literally 3 days after break up, I'm drunk at this sluts house. Nice! Literally your number 1 bro over here.
>After making out like 15min I get her naked and start fingering her. Damn that's wet.
>Dude wat, that's.... wet as fuck.
>Within 2 minutes explodes. Like squirting all over. I've never seen anything like this.
>Within 10 minutes, she came maybe 2-3 times and squirted maybe 5 times. No joke. I was teasing saying why didn't she warn me to take my swimming goggles or that it would be rainy.
>Before I even have a condom on, half of the king-size bed is SOAKED and I do mean it.
>I'm like, nice. Le'ts fuck. Squirts all over me a few times. Pussy is showering me all over and I'm just thinking, wtf is pussy juice even. Should I freak out?
>Fuck for a bit, maybe half hour, after I came and frenzy was over I realise how sticky I am, all over.
>Go to sleep after, roll around all night in seriously drenched bedding. It was sleeping in a cold pussy-juice drenched bed and I wish I was joking.
>Best day ever.
Anyway, Tinder is fucking funny! Seen 3 girls in one month. Seeing squirty next week again for the third time!
Happy fucking bois.
>I reasoned that she was not of sound mind and I may be getting murdered if I didn't handle this correctly
Anon is smart.
I assume your opening line was "take your clothes off and make yourself comfortable."
noice trips m8 but oh I meant to say joe frank. he's an old radio guy who told cool noir sounding dating stories, they were mad good it's like american psycho on audiobook with less violence
>see this tinder stories thread
>tinder stories thread
haha, yeah, I know. Plus, she had no job, no car, and was basically homeless. Like, she gave me all the warnings upfront, which was cool, but I figured, "eh, let's see how far this goes..."
bitch looks like beast from the 1987 tv series
Fixed that for you.
My gf is a squirter and I was excited as fuck the first time we had sex. I was at that point completely oblivious of the fact that it's piss that's shooting out of her. In my blissful ignorance I go down on her and drink her squirt. It tasted fine to me.
One day I go to her house and we start fucking and after some light foreplay I go down on her just like I've done a hundred times at that point.
It doesn't take long for her to shake and make noises which I have started to associate with an incoming squirt.
She starts squirting in my face and mouth but something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. It smells and what I would assume as taste, like piss from an old man who hasn't had a drink of water for at least 48 hours. It reeks, it's orange, and it's in my mouth.
The moral of the story is that you should make sure that a squirter is kept hydrated or else you might get a nasty surprise.
Lol I never said don't have feelings. What I'm saying is don't think you can have some magical connection with someone having never met them. Doing so makes you a desperate "virginal autist."
It's currently my favourite thing to go monster hunting on tinder
>me, 21 and desperate after a breakup
>matched with a 6/10 because desperate
>she says shed suck me off and swallow
>i pick her up
>she must have a masters in photography or some shit, because she was the ugliest ham planet i have ever laid eyes on
>like 5' tall and 220lbs and her moustache was coming in
>drive to an empty parking lot
>she starts sucking
>tells me she can deepthroat most guys
>almost throws up on me
>try and ignore the moustache
>i finish as fast as i can
>drive her home
>"hey anon this was great we should do it again"
>she goes in for kiss
>i say uhhhhhhhhhh maybe and dodge it
>she gets out
>immediately texts me that she misses my cock
>i drive home and block her on every social media account i own (facebook and tinder)
>still ashamed to this day
>be an ugly faggot
>nobody on tinder ever matches me
>not even the bots
>meet a 6/10 chinese student
>fuck it it's worth a shot
>totally fucking awkward, spoke no English and basically had no idea how to talk to a person normally
>notice a shit load of cigarette burns on her hand
>she wants to get food
>we go to starbucks, I'm trying to end this shit
>I buy nothing, but she buys herself a shit load of food
>just sitting there while she eats
>says bye and walks back to her campus
>handful of matches and no messages
>fast forward to last week
>match with a qt 10/10 who also happens to be the only Japanese person in Texas besides myself
>we hit it off, we have a baller date and shit loads of fun
>we're both exhausted from walking all day
>she asks to go back to my place for Netflix and chill
>parents are fucking there
>just take her home
>total awkward goodbye
>text a couple more times, a few days later she leaves for the Navy
Pretty much ready to kill myself after that
similar thing happened to me once.
>be out clubbing, drunk af
>cute girl starts talking to me
>we make out, she agrees to take me to hers
>things get steamy
>she tells me to put those chinese balls up my ass, or she won't fuck.
>they look small enough and im fucking hard as diamonds, so agree
>mid fuck, she RIPS THEM OUT
>i diarrhea all over her
>she starts screaming in pleasure
I still cry when i think about that fucking night, i really wanted to murder her.
Was just thinking same thing i could totally get passed her face its just her nose thats fucked up. In saying that tho she'd have to have atleast a 8/10 bod for me to even consider a mutant
God damn my sides hit terminal velocity after reading that
I was expecting 6/10 to see you with 10/10 and have the most awful mental breakdown, fast forward one week, see in the news that 6/10 burned down 10/10's with her inside, only evidence was a note that said "thanks for the starbucks" so only you knew it was her
Not as fun as you'd imagine.
I'm on the same depressed level as you are, we are both tfw no gf.
I like artsy independent girls, the ones with clothes from the thrift store, fjallraven kanken backpacks and a touch of weed mixed in their perfume.
I thought in order to get girls I have to be fit, so I started going to /fit/ and worked out 5 days a week. I lost most of my friends because they rather played videogames (so would I) instead of going otter.
Now I'm at a point where I'm barely even myself anymore. The girls I like think I'm a airhead fuckboy and the girls that like me look like the girl above. When I browse though my match list I'm bored, these girls are fun for a night, but so is Counter Strike. I want a girl that loves me for what I am, even though there isn't much left of me.
It literally is piss. Girls don't have some secret reserve of mystery liquid that they can just eject like a fire hose.
There have been studies that have proven that it's piss.
Pussy doesn't lubricate with piss, but squirt is piss
Why not? Is it difficult to fathom that an intellectual, spiritual, and even sexual connection can be formed through a textual medium? Have you never had your tiny cock get hard from reading something raunchy?
Regardless, I am aware that meeting face-to-face is necessary to make things "complete", but personal matters in this case resulted in some delays. Just enough time to have the imagination run wild.
Almost bedridden, going to be for months until some medicine takes effect. Haven't been able to adequately clean myself for weeks now, and to get a nurse to come clean me at my house is like $150 dollars.
Was hoping that someone on Tinder would do it for freeish, or atleast for cheaper than $150
srsly though, does this sound possible?
Boo fucking hop. You can't make girls like you. That's your problem, you are trying to make them like you by changing yourself. You know what all girls love? Confidence. You don't need to be a cocky fuck but you do need to be comfortable with yourself and just be you and fuck anyone else. Those girls can pick up on the fact you are trying to be someone else, people are awkward when they do that shit. Just be you and the girls will come(cum).
>I already know other countries incorrectly abbreviate mathematics (a singular word) as "maths" (a plural abbreviation)
>the joke being it's not the girl's face that put me off but her poor grammar and her country's poor grammar
You're the type of person that explains why toothpaste has instructions on it.
Meh not a tinder story but similar
> Be years ago playing vanilla wow
> One of the raid tanks
> Work from home
> Best healer always forces his wife to come along
> shit hunter
> since I work from home and she's a housewife I spend a chunk of my day teaching her how to not be shit
> She actually gets decent
> healer thanks me
> she messages me about avoiding her
> There was no need to log in during the day any more
> ignore her so she'll fuck off
> get a message on the guild site
> she's leaving her husband, put the kid in the car and she's on her way
> Freak out
> how did she get my address
> its in my information on the guild site (only officers can see that shit I assume she used her husbands login.)
> Wait thats not my address
> I put the address for pizza hut from a coupon flyer back when I created the account.
> leave guild
> change the advertising banners on the guild site to a porn site
> close my guild site account
> stop using the email attached to that account
> re-roll Horde
She was like an 8 hour drive. she was probably pissed but they do have great carry out deals
Getting hard from reading raunchy material and making human connections are two totally different things. Relationships are not a one or two dimensional medium like texting. They span multiple dimensions which texting will never allow you to experience. You need to get your imagination in check. You aren't playing a fucking game.
I'm working on it. I reduced my gym time to 3 times a week and I started going there in the morning to be free in the evening.
This weekend I had a little 10 guy lan party at my place with my friends even though the sun was shining and it was beautiful out there.
I started buying the clothes I like again and will get rid of all the stuff I bought because I looked good in it, but felt like shit.
Who knows, maybe some day I'll find a girl that loves me for who I am, if I love myself again.
>Found the virgin
Virgin accuses a sex god of being a virgin. Moron.
I'm gonna say this once more for the morons:
NOT pussy juice you muppet.