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How do you guys cope with suicidal or depressive thoughts? I

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How do you guys cope with suicidal or depressive thoughts?

I feel so hopeless. I want to die but I'm too scared and a coward.

Also, general feels thread.
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>>680171884

Fucking get a passion for something, get off your ass, and get absorbed by it.
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>>680171884
i like to listen to music
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>>680171884
Why are these feels threads always so goddamned depressing? It's like all you people feel is either fear or suicidal depression.
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>>680171884
not being self absorbed and thinking about it all the time
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>>680171884
I personally don't thing about those things and it works really well. Try it.
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>>680171884
I'm the same. I used to love drawing, painting, going out. Now I just want to stay in my bed all the time. The only thing keeping me from suicide is music.
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>>680172388
Anonymous outlet. No one needs that for happy things.
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>>680172172
I've tried, but I find myself losing interest very quickly. Everything and anything can make me feel mentally exhausted; I often find myself drained after doing even the smallest things.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been this way for about 8 years now; I don't know if it's going to get any brighter…
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>>680171884
I felt the same way until I finally got the balls to see a shrink.

Best decision of my life. I still get sad but those crippling depression days just don't happen anymore. I wake up well rested. I feel better adjusted. People are happy to be around me. I was always worried that the pills would "change me and turn me into an unfeeling robot" but it was the opposite - I was at an unnatural state of mind and the meds helped me into a normal state - and happier place when I could be myself and not want to die.

Google search "psychiatrist near me" and get help this week.

It feels AMAZING.
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>>680172616
I had so many passions and interests before I became depressed. I was a completely different person that had enthusiastic outlook on life. I really don't understand how it could all go so wrong.

My father just asked me whether or not he should keep trying. I told him that he shouldn't and now I'm in my room being eaten alive by this feeling of despair.
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>>680171884
How to cope?
Here you go brother.
Go to the mosque help is nearby my brother.
It's not to late.
Buy the koran save your soul you'll feel better in no time.

Be openminded the awnsers for you are right infront your eyes.
Take care brother!
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>>680171884
I drink a lot.
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>>680171884
Amerikaner. You need to outgrow depression. Start reading old litterature, start researching your heritage and start Creating.

Wether you are ein neger, ein latin, ein indian or ein Aryan. There is so much that you can contribute with if you start by searching for your purpose!

Don't let the enemy win by eliminating yourself from the chessboard. Don't be a spineless coward! Living is harder than dying. Never forget this!
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Whenever I'm trying to sleep, I put on music to help me fall asleep and forget about all the shit fucking up my mind, but I know that it won't last forever, so I end up crying myself to sleep anyway
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>>680173085
I'm not interested in people trying to proselytize.
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>>680173085
Lol religion how bout nope
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>>680172981
I saw a therapist about a week ago; hoping it will be better this time around. I've been on medication before (I was on the highest dose of Zoloft, 200mg), but I eventually weaned myself off of it because I didn't think it was working. I started taking it again and I'm on 100mg as of today.
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>>680173064
>>680173110
>>680172662
>>680172616
>>680172172

That's part of the problem. Mental illnesses are real things. For some people that feeling of finding a passion, or even interest in something is IMPOSSIBLE. The brain is just unable to make that connection. That's where the medication comes in. It makes those connections possible again.
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>>680173140
I feel you, brother. Sometimes music is the only thing that can help filter out those bad thoughts—but they're still there, waiting to be awakened by the smallest things.
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>>680173722
Checked!

Yeah, it's not a permanent solution, and that's what bothers me..
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I'm staying alive so that I can care for my sick mom. I don't want her to end up in hospice, and I don't want her to have to bury her son.

When she passes away, I'm going to take what little money I have, travel (I've never left my state), then take myself out. Haven't decided how yet. Probably a gun, because I'd probably fuck up the helium death mask thing.

>pic mostly not related
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>>680173581
It's horrible. People find it difficult to understand, but I don't blame them. It's often hard to comprehend things you haven't experienced firsthand. It's really not regular sadness.
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>>680173064
It's like I forgot how to be myself. I feel totally emotionless, clueless, purposeless. When I'm with relatives I have nothing to talk about. I used to talk to everybody and make friends easily. Now I don't know what to say, what to do. I feel like I'm dragging everyone around me down so I prefer to stay alone.
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>>680173445
What was your diagnosis?

Also, realize the zoloft rarely works perfectly by itself and takes a while to kick in.

I started with Zoloft, it took me 6 months to start feeling the full effect. Then I started taking Lamictal. BEST FUCKING DRUG EVER.

It takes a month or two to really start working (cause it's a disease just like anything else, there's no fucking overnight cure)

But after a solid year of treatment and staying on my meds, it just sort of hit me one day where I was like "huh, I really feel good right now"
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>>680173919
The only reason I haven't offed myself yet is because I don't want to traumatized my family and my younger sister. Being tied to people that care for you when you're suicidal is the worst thing ever.
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>>680173581
I've never seen someone get better with meds. It's a temporary solution. And even then there's no way I can go see someone about this. I can't even talk to cashiers etc.
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>>680173943
Yeah, you feel like an anchor that's keeping others from staying afloat.
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>>680173985
I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety disorder.

I'm wondering if I should admit myself to the hospital for intense treatment…
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>>680171884
I'm restoring/rebuilding a motorcycle with all the spare time I have, it's pretty much the only thing still keeping me going
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>>680174291
I have that same problem. I'll replay scenarios of interacting with people over and over again because I'm scared I won't get it right. When I was younger I couldn't even order food on the phone because I was so nervous.
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>>680173085
Interesting fact, the Koran forbids proselytism.

>gr8 b8 m8
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>>680173932
I know. It was so hard for me to understand that the meds were actually helping me. They gave me a stomach ache and made me sleepy at first.

I thought to myself "well this is never going to get better" but I kept taking the pills just out of habit.

I probably wouldn't be here today if I stopped.

>>680174291

OP, I know this sounds strange and it's hard to comprehend, but your brain isn't working right. It's going to take time. The people who are there to help aren't stupid. They know that people coming in feel like it's impossible to talk to people or even make eye contact. That's like 70% of their patients.

You're not alone in this. Fortunately, there is a way to treat this! And mental healthcare professionals know how to make you feel comfortable.

The first person I even opened up to was my first psychiatrist. It felt like a high. I couldn't believe I was able to hold a conversation with someone without crawling back into my dark space.
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>>680174488
That's cool, man. How did you get into doing that?
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>>680174758
How often would you have sessions?
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>>680174201
>Being tied to people that care for you when you're suicidal is the worst thing ever.

I'm glad I don't have any younger siblings to leave behind. I can't imagine how that shackle feels. I have an older brother, but we didn't grow up together and I rarely see him. I have a friend or two who might feel a little guilty for a few weeks if I died, but they have lives and would quickly move on.
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>>680175023
amen.
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>>680174973

Once or twice a month. Very low key.

It was never "tell me about your childhood" bullshit. It was "so how was your week?" Very back and forth conversation.

If I didn't feel like talking, she would sometimes just talk to me. Tell me about other patients and their experiences. Make me feel like I wasn't alone in this fight.

And I know it sounds weird, but you can choose the gender of your psychiatrist/therapist.

I found it was way easier to open up to a female therapist. But my psychiatrist was a male, I felt like he wouldn't bullshit me when it came to meds.

Honestly, I just went through google and looked a pictures and bios and handpicked the people I wanted to talk to.
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Work out.. get mad n lift.. keeps me busy n going
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I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months ago, I still can't get over her, and she's out banging dudes and shit, we dated for 2 years. We talk now but she's so cold, but sometimes she gets horny and I ofcourse go with it, but the rest of the day she's just cold as fuck. I don't know what to do, I confessed to her that I miss her, but she says she can't go back right now. I'm so close to suicide..
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>>680175496
I think I'd need more sessions than that… I've been on a sick leave from work for about two months now and I haven't even left the house. I can't do anything because I'm a wreck.
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>>680174758
I can imagine the feeling after finally opening up to someone about something you have kept to yourself for so long.
Unfortunately I can't afford therapy and just taking meds alone wouldn't solve my problems I think.
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>>680173919
you travel, you find friends and things that are interesting, you suddenly realize that suicide is stupid idea
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>>680171884
i dress up like a slut and smoke weed, and play minecraft
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>>680175900
Doubt it.
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>>680174700
I feel you. I always practice what to say in certain situations and end up saying nothing at all.
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>>680175674
That's harsh, man. I had a girlfriend that was like that too. To be honest, in my personal experience it's better to disassociate from and cut all contact with them. It'll be painful at first, but you'll gradually learn to handle being without them.
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Hey guys. I just need to tell someone who would actually give a fuck that I got dumped by the love of my life today. I treated her like shit without realizing it and I miss her so fucking much, I don't know how to cope with this shit. All I want is her back. I can never be happy without her and I'll never find someone as beautiful and amazing as her. I don't care if any of you give me advice or call me a faggot, I just want to know someone gave a shit about me
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>>680175760

After my friend died, I did two times a week for a bit.

It was like being a dog waiting for your owner to come home. It was the one thing that I looked forward to each week. It was the central component to my week. Everything else was just me waiting to see my therapist and talk.

I've seen people do once a day - but it's the sort of thing where you do what makes you feel comfortable.
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>>680175916
What's your favorite strain? What would you recommend?
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>>680171884
i have no clue how i cope i feel like i am about to vomit my intestines all the time probably an hero in future
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>>680175900
>you travel, you find friends
That just doesn't happen when you panic and be awkward around new people. When they realise something's up with you they avoid you like the plague.
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>>680176058
I hear you, brother. Is she still talking to you?
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>>680176183
that's true
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>>680176080
I'll have to explore my options, but daily sessions sound the most idealistic in my situation.
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>>680175825
Even in the US, there are free clinics with social workers that will talk to you.

But honestly, it was the type of thing where I would have sold my shit before I gave up therapy. That's how important it became. I knew it was pulling me in the right direction.
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>>680174823
I bought it off my cousin as a learner bike when I was 16. 6 years later, it's sat in the rain, been stolen, packed away in a shed and when I finally got it home it still wanted to start, but the battery was flat. I started a full rebuild because after so many years of getting fucked around I'm finally eligible to apply for my motorbike license, so I'm learning from a factory manual and Google and I'm completely giving it a new life, hopefully it does the same for me. It's an old Honda CX500, this is it before I started
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>>680176178
I understand you, /b/ro… let's both take each day as it comes and see how it goes. :(
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I guess my situation isn't that bad really.

I just feel really bored all the time. Sometimes quite bleak. Mostly just bored - like everythings pointless.

It's clearly not as bad as some of you guys have it though. Hope you all get better.
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>>680176269
I texted her
Me:Hope you find someone you love. Bye
Her:What do you mean someone you love? I said I love you I just can't take it anymore
Me:Whatever, nothing matters anymore anyway. Bye
Her:Bye

I've cried at least 10 times in the last 3-4 hours
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>>680171884
Get a job and base all your self worth on that job.
As long as job still exists you have a reason to be alive, and there's people you can't let down.
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>>680176183
I was fortunate to have a small group of friends that accepted me for me, but they were often irritated when I hindered them from doing things that I was uncomfortable with. I ended up avoiding a lot of big events, social gatherings, parties and other things because I was scared and paranoid of what people would think about. Completely consumed my life.
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>>680174708
I think your wrong and may have missunderstood me my brother.

In this case I did not try to convert the brother to islam.
I was pointing him into a direction witch has the awnsers to his troublesom feels.

And further more, I don't believe it's harram to try to re-vert people back to islam.

In the koran the brother will find the awnsers and he will find a way of life that will gurantee him succes and happyness, if its not in this world, than he will guranteed will have it in the next world.

Dont doubt nor let the devil plant seeds of doubt my brothers.
Be strong in your faith and fight for the things you believe in.
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>>680176533
Cool, man! It's nice to see that others who are in this situation still have interests. I commend you, /b/rother. You're one step ahead of many people. :)
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>>680176398
Definitely. You may even find clinics. Or inpatient.

I didn't do inpatient but my gf did. She said it was the best time of her life (not a looney bin, one of the centers where you actually elected to go on your own free will). Her place was semi-inpatient -> meaning she stayed there from 9-6 and went home at night. It was an eating disorder clinic for anorexia. I didn't meet her until after her treatment but I would never have guessed that she had been through that.

It was actually one of the things that got us together. We would just talk about how awesome therapy was. Started doing mediation and yoga together. 2 years last month.

I started therapy 4 years ago. I'm at a point where I do a 1 hour session once a month or every other month. Mediation classes and working out has taken over a large portion of what therapy was providing me before. But we're talking 4 years later here.

Something about keeping your entire day
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>>680176269
>>680176652
I'm thinking about sending her a text saying:
Sorry for loving you and sorry for having been a part of your life. You'll never have to see me again. I love you as much as I hate myself right now
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>>680176729
I have a job. It's a Samsung authorized workshop. We repair phones, tablets and other related devices. I started there with absolutely no experience and ended up becoming the best technician there after about a year because I was so devoted to it and nothing else mattered to me in my life.

I'm on a sick leave now because I had a mental breakdown about a couple of months ago. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back. I feel so dead inside.
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I poop my pants

feelsgoodman.jpg
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>>680176652
You should try talking to her. Have an open dialogue about the problems you two had. It might not lead to reconciliation but it's certainly worth a try if you both still love each other.
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>>680177325
That made me smile. Thank you
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>>680177380
We've had a lot of talks about it, I just don't know what I could do to make her want to be with me. I've cheated on her and been such a fucking dickhead without noticing it
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>>680176840
There's no compulsion in religion, brother. He'll find it by himself if he's meant to
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>>680177186
That's amazing, /b/ro. I wish I could find someone to connect to like that.

That inpatient facility thing sounds good, to be honest. I'm going to email or call my therapist and see what direction he recommends.
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>>680177567
That's a tough one… do you think you can last one month without communicating with her? Sometimes time is the best healer.
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>>680176443
We don't have stuff like that here. Noone takes mental illnesses seriously here. They just call me lazy.
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>>680176962
Thanks dude. I still have my interests, this is just the one interest that's always there when it all comes crashing down on me. Hopefully when it's done I can just ride away and forget about everything

Personal advice /b/, when life beats you down, build something back up. And then ride on your enemies on it
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>>680177932
I can't just leave her
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>>680177972
Where are you from?
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>>680178060
You're not leaving her, bro. But sometimes it's good to give each other some breathing space so the mind can clear itself. Try to communicate at a later time because you're both too caught up in this misery right now.
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>>680176781
Well, I used to have a ''close'' group of friends, too. One day I caught them talking bad behind my back, they didn't know I was there. That was about a decade ago. Since then I've never had a friend. I can't trust anyone anymore.
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>>680174291
>I've never seen someone get better with meds.
You have now, fag
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>>680178301
What do I even say after that? And should I send this text?
>>680177230
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>>680171884
Don't you have any friends or family? Just talk to them bro
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>>680178350
I've never trusted anyone completely—never been able to. It must be nice having someone to confide in…
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>>680177578
If IT'S ment to be, than he will find his own way.
Yes I agree with you my brother.
Take care.
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>>680178530
I can't trust people, not even my own family. I'm alone in my own thoughts.
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>>680178117
I don't wanna tell you because my illness says that you will make fun of me if I say it. It sounds so stupid that I'm not even comfortable enough to talk to someone anonimously. Kek I'm not getting better any time soon.
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>>680178499
I don't think it's a good idea to completely shift the blame unto yourself, because that will make her feel like she's the one in control. Just write and tell her that you're willing to give her time and that you can have a dialogue later.

But of course, you know best; I don't have much context to go with. Go with what you think you should do.
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>>680177678

Do it, bro. And honestly, you're never subject to a single therapist or clinic. When I moved, I started with a therapist and just didn't like her. So I just never made a follow up appt and went somewhere else.

You get to decide who you want to talk to. That's the best part about this whole thing. You get to choose.
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>>680179000
Also, check my 000 trips.
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>>680178642
As-salaamu 'alaikum homeboy
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>>680178947
Hey, man, it's okay. If you don't want to say, that's fine. I'm not here to judge anyone.
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>>680178964
I don't know what I should do, I just wish I would die because there's no way in hell I'm getting her back... Maybe I'll try to just hang out with her as a friend and see if she'll change her mind
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>>680179234
Do what you think is best, brother.
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>>680179381
I'll try to figure something out
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Getting the feeling that we are all in this together really makes me feel like I'm a part of something. You guys help a lot. Let's all put on some chill music and have a cool ass thread?
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>>680171884
Start to get into cars, begin to love cars and have a great passion around them, get a job, save up for a fast car, once you buy it race the shit out of it going top speeds and if you die, well.. You wanted to die anyways so it is ok.
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>>680179856
What music do you recommend? Your post reminded me of this song: http://youtu.be/XONbZgr7RdA

:)
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remember if you dont want to be depressed then suck it up, kick life in the nuts and hope he doesn't rape your ass
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>>680171884
meme till i drop
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>>680180225
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4_1hS1aIC8

More like this man, this helps me chill out and forget about my insecurities, at least while it's playing
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>>680178717
That's right. People tell you to speak to friends and family so they can help you, but everyone is just selfish.
I told my best friend that I feel depressed sometimes and he was waving, telling me I had no reason for being depressed; that he had been in a depression when he was a NEET for a about a year and I lucky devil could go study. My father is an alcoholic who doesn't give a shit about anything and my mother has multiple sclerosis, I won't even try to tell them.
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>>680176533

>CX500

I've heard that bike is a monster. Treat her well
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>>680181336
What do you currently do?
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>>680176840
fuck off midslime
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stop giving a shit about other peoples opinions and do what you want
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>>680180225
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHNiY0B2-GU
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>>680177567

It's hard to come back from cheating. Women take it pretty hard.

But, meet her in person, show her your love by being kind, patient and caring in your words and actions to her. I swear, if she ever felt anything for you, it will be near impossible to resist if you come across as genuine.
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>>680171884
You don't. Just keep on pretending to be alright and if you can't there's always a solution.

>pick related
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I dealt with it by doing klonopin, phenibut, alcohol and hitting on easy girls.
Yeah its pathetic but it beats killing yourself
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>>680171884

I've started running.

Every day after class (which I only have two lectures a day for a total of 2.5 hours) I feel drained and just want to sleep and hide away in my bed, but instead I force myself to go running. I do pushups and crunches along the way and occasionally go biking to mix it up.

It's hard as fuck, but you gotta force yourself to do it. It produce biological changes which make you feel better.
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>>680181974
I'm honestly thinking that may be the only way out of this misery…
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>>680182131
You'll probably regret it by the time it's too late.
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>>680171884
By treating my survival like a game. Nature is survival of the fittest, therefore if I survive longer than anything else, I win. Therefore every action I take shall be to ensure victory even if I absolutely hate my life and the world.
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>>680178947

make fun of you because of where you're from?

even if someone does do that, you'll be fine anon

these fears come from your own embarrassment and shame tied to this. it's not your fault you have them, you didn't choose to fuck yourself, no one does

you can choose to be courageous though. and all courage is is surviving fear
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>>680181503
I'm visiting a further education college until July. I want to go study this winter semester, get a Bachelor of Arts.
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>>680182297
Good perspective.
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>>680171884
I'm telling you OP; shove it all deep down, drown it in alcohol and drugs, and have a breakdown every once in a while. Then ya die, and it will never matter again.
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>>680182297
However my genes are the important factor, if I can ensure my genes are preserved in whatever form safety I consider that to still be within the rules for victory. So once I've successfully reproduced and ensured my offspring's survival and instilled the absolute importance of gene preservation, or found a different method of gene preservation, I will reconsider suicide.
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Hey there /b/ros. I'll tell you a little part of my "story". English may not be 100% correct.

>ugly af (i would never ever take a selfie or look into a mirror when someone is near)
>shy as fuck, I can only talk to older people
>scared of staying a kissless virgin forever

Suicide is not an option, I want to live, but not like this...

What do? I can't do anything against being ugly cause my self esteem is so low that I'm afraid of getting a haircut...
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>>680182275
The comic fag here. I wouldn't encourage anyone killing themselves but having the option to just quit helps me.
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>>680171884
Too depressed to feel depressed.
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>>680171884
just continue swimming OP. eventually you`ll get used to life being a huge joke. like me! i just continue existing. i am sunk deep down in an ocean where i can barely see the light. no matter how hard i swim i will never reach the surface.... even if i do my best i will die trying and not even close to it. worse is my eyes are closed because if i open them it hurts underwater. i just follow the faint light i see when i look up while eyes are closed. im slowly losing my breath.... hope is a lie to keep a workforce.
just keep swimming
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>>680182921

listen to this song /b/ro

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo2aOEhlqfQ
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>>680182921
Would you ever consider getting a prostitute?
>>
My now ex gf of about 2 months who i am still very much in love with just told me that she's rebounded 3 times, and just needs to "get to know herself". the icing on the cake is she knows i have severe depression and has prevented me from committing suicide before, but now says she doesn't have the energy for it anymore and can't be with me while i'm like this.

it was particularly hurtful to say this, regardless of the fact that i just took a bunch cold and flu tablets in the hopes of a high because i'm addicted to getting high on just about anything i can scratch up.

anyway, should i just clear the 2 sheets of pills and go for the suicide?
>>
By cutting myself!!!
>>
>>680183203
Maybe, but it would be awkward as fuck. I mean, I'd have no idea what to do.
>>
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>>680183110
Damn... right in the feels. :(

Pic related.
>>
>>680183325
You seem to be joking but I really don't get how that would help. There are so many better ways to feel better. Like drugs.
>>
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>>680183110
>>
>>680182403
I mean it's 4chan. They'll make fun of you no matter where you are from, right? Britbongs, amerifats, eurofags, mudslimes etc.
>>
>>680183315
No, brother. I can't advise against doing anything rash, but I usually just numb myself with benzodiazepines or Ambien. You're still alive but with no feelings.
>>
>>680174201
Or the best thing ever. Depends on your viewpoint like literally everything in life.
>>
>>680183577
Cutting yourself makes your brain produce endorphins - you feel a bit happy.
>>
>>680183454
Try it out. Some of them are understanding and will give you the affection you need.
>>
Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because of my loneliness. I have a fear of becoming schizophreniac lately. Is that even possible?
>>
>>680171884
Watch this on youtube, using subtitles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqfAt7TshLw
>>
man the fuck up and get out and do something, just push yourself
>>
>>680184131
Possible. I had those fears to when I was smoking cannabis daily, but then I realized if it's going to happen then worrying about it isn't going to really help.
>>
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i always talk to myself or imagine that im talking to someone. i imagine that im being interviewed and people find me very charming. i do this lying in the bed in a dark quiet cold room. i cut myself and talk to an imaginary person.
>>
>>680184351
>get out and do something
> just push yourself

Wow, thanks a lot, man.
>>
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the happiest are the emptiest
>>
Just fantasize about killing people.
Don't kill people, just think about it, it'll take your mind off things. It's stress relieving.
>>
>>680184538
>i imagine that im being interviewed and people find me very charming.
I do that a lot while I'm taking a dump. I imagine I'm being interview at a late night talk show or something. I think It's normal.
>>
>>680184538
I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder so I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm not psychotic because I know my daydreaming is just my imagination, but it takes up a large portion of my day. I'll rock something in my hand (like a pen) and daydream about an idealized version of myself or an idealized world. I'll make facial expressions and talk to myself. Coming to think of it, it's probably crazy…
>>
>>680171884
I bait myself to living, usually by getting to know new people and developing relationships with them "naa I can't hero, I have to meet anon tomorrow" "nope, no overdose today those bros might miss me". I also have developed a habit to get into longer projects when I'm feeling the worst so I can guilt trip myself on going on living so I can see it done. Still feeling like utter shit but atleast I'm somewhat productive piece of shit.
>>
i always wondered that how come a very cheerful young me wayback in middle school became like this. oh...
oh..... yea right...... reality forcefully opened my eyes
>>
>>680183755

thats the beauty of it. no one is safe, therefore creating, the ultimate safe-space
>>
>>680185262
Fuck, man. I understand completely. I honestly think that kid I used to be is dead and long gone; I'm just carrying his memories…
>>
>>680184949
oh.......... i bet you have a wonderful life............. grats i guess?......
>>
>>680171884
To be honest I can be depressed as fuck right now because things are really shit, but I said fuck it, not gonna let emotions control me anymore, your will can make you incredibly strong and I have done that. Fuck everything I deserve to feel enjoy life and not be dependent on anyone for it.
>>
>>680171884
Op, I'm depressed as shit too. I am even married and I have a good job, I still think about going into my room, picking up my glock, and just doing it. Sometimes I pick it up. My pastor did it, a couple friends over my life have done it. It would be so easy.

I consider this because life sucks, the human race sucks, this planet sucks. It's all shit man, everything is shit. Everyone is a moron. I have a nice MS degree in a science, I was in a doctoral track until I just realized I don't give a shit. Why do anything? I hated it so I stopped going. I had pretty much one of the top scores, I could have done it. Meh. Just meh. I don't really want it so why bother? It's not like I can't write a publication now. So I've done that. Meh, it didn't feel good either. It's a chore those so I don't publish unless it's a requirement.I don't know how these idiots in academia motivate themselves to give millionaire owned journals content for goddamn free, then volunteer to be editors. I didn't go to school to be a slave, I don't give a shit if it's less prestigious.

Anyways, the wife. I did get the girl of my dreams. Things are great. But, it doesn't really solve anything. It doesn't make stuff less shitty it's just a reason to act normal, a reason to hide stuff, and a reason not to break someone's heart that you care about. Somehow, in this shitty world, she came out innocent and nice and I've been able to help her have a fun time enjoying life. She's just about the only thing that ever makes me laugh other than violent dark humor stuff.

I'm lucky, but at the same time, know that the problem is deeper than a woman. A person won't full-fill you, she won't keep you from flirting with suicide, she won't actually make you happy and she'd probably leave if she realized how fucked up I really am.

At this point, I have obligations and it's more about discipline than it is about motivation. I don't know if I can ever really be happy.
>>
>>680184438

>no worries
>be happy

smoking pot and listening to that song and not giving a fuck about anything were somehow good times even tho fucked up shit kept happening
>>
>>680185476
No. Apparently it's linked to childhood trauma.
>>
>>680171884
>>
>>680184721

don't do it.
it'll eventually lead you to actually killing people
>>
>>680185509
sounds like you don't have clinical depression
>>
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>>680185424
heck i even tried to look for that kid..... he's buried somewhere deep down on me..... i cant even hear its faint voice..... im like 'i really need you kid! i need you!!!! youre the only one that can make me feel! you! you know me and youre the only one that can tell me who i am!!! where are you?!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!'
>>
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>mfw I drug abuse because I'm too much of a bitch to kill myself
>>
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>>680185701
so we're even..... so how does it feel like that people actually cared for you huh?
>>
>>680185928
I feel you, brother. I would abuse Ambien and benzodiazepines. I literally had two months of my life just disappear, and I'm relapsing again now.

Ambien is such a great drug. I just wish you didn't build a tolerance to it. You can literally knock yourself out whenever you're tired of dealing with the world.
>>
I just want ONE friend, not even a gf anymore just one friend who I can hang out with and speak to.
>>
>>680171884
avoid the jews and their ideas
>>
>>680171884
By not thinking of suicide and depressive thoughts.

The fuck do you want, OP. Do you want to waste countless hours on your room or be the man you always wanted to be.
>>
>>680186344
Be my friend
>>
this is the only one that can make me laugh and feel something.
>>
>>680186344
>>680186563
And mine, please
>>
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>>680186404
Oy vey.
>>
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OP you need to make your life change on your own accord. No one is going to pull you out of your slump except for you. People can help, but it's up to you to make the transformation. Meds might help if you are that fucked up, but you have to try and get out into the world and have experiences, and live in the moment. Don't wallow on /b/ and /b/eat your dick all day, it gets you nowhere. Build a routine of some sort, like going on a walk around your neighborhood while listening to music, and then rewarding yourself with a treat or something. It sounds rather boring to do, but its purpose is to get you out of the house. I hope you feel better soon, anon.
>>
>>680186563
>>680186608
I'm up for it.
>>
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>>680184665
>>
>>680186869
You're going to make me bawl my eyes out, mate.
>>
I've become convinced none of this is real. I just think everything is just a little too crazy to actually be real. I'm starting to doubt if I'm even real. 98% of my thoughts/actions feel automated and like I don't have any choice in the matter. I've been thinking about killing myself a lot lately just to stop it all. Sometimes people even whisper thing to me like "die" and shit like that.
>>
>>680171884
Just let the feels flow and cry myself to sleep in a drunken stupor. Wake up the next day and just start lying to myself that today will be different. Rinse, repeat
>>
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>>680186980
i envy you... that you can still feel something real....
>>
>>680171884
I get really shitfaced and go commit random acts of violence and vandalism at night.
>>
>>680171884
Take a Psycodelics in a dem room for how ever long you need and reboot your thoughts.
>>
>>680186280
Right now I just drink a lot and listen to music. I really want some coke, but I'm broke from buying all of my liquor.

Shit. I don't even have money for weed/weed for 4/20.

I've pretty much shut myself out of the world. I no longer talk to people at work, or out in social gatherings.
>>
>>680187003
I think you're experiencing derealization. I had that in my earlier teens. Really sucks but you can overcome it. Definitely see a psychologist.
>>
You have to learn to channel your depression into mania instead. Realize the meaninglessness in everything, including your own suffering and existence, and just let yourself come unhinged. Your depression will always be there, but if you can will yourself into an absurd mania, it'll be like your depression is behind soundproof glass instead of whispering into your ear. You may be more angry or irritable more often, but you'll also find yourself having let go of some sorrow and experiencing sporadic 'peaks' as opposed to constant 'valleys'. Your mileage may vary, but it worked for me. How long will it last is the question. I fear I'll step back into an abyss sooner or later, but for now, I'm riding the mania wave for as long as it lasts.
>>
>>680187211
Is that such a good idea when you have a mental disorder? Genuinely curious because I've always wanted to try shrooms but don't want to go insane…
>>
HELLO FREINDS

>>680186751
>>680186608
>>680186563
>>680186344

I JUST MADE AN IRC CHANNEL FOR US OVER ON irc.tik-t0k.net:6667

CHANNEL NAME IS #friendsofb

REGISTER YOUR NICKNAME

:-)
>>
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>>680186404
>>
>>680174291
Prozac is fucking great. It's not like I can't get sad about shit but I'm not instantly suicidal when I'm doing nothing. It does exactly what it's meant to do. If the mess don't work maybe you don't legitimately have mdd.
>>
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i dont know why i love rekt threads so much.... maybe its because these people finally received the ultimate gift they deserve which is death.
>>
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>>680171884
I purchased a S&W 9mm, have been quietly making my plans and have been distancing myself from loved ones. That's how I deal with my suicidal thoughts.
>>
>>680182061
I as well
>>
>>680187748
>Via 9gag
Kys.
>>
>>680171884

I get some alcohol and play WoW 1.12.1
>>
I desperately want to kill myself. Today is the day I decided I would do it. I wish I had a gun. I would be dead already. I want to jump in front of a train but I'm afraid of the pain only. I really do want to die I hate my life. Will it hurt? Will I even feel it if I put my head on the tracks?
>>
>>680187748
Do you think there's an afterlife?
>>
>>680187546

http://chat.mibbit.com/?channel=%23friendsofb&server=irc.tik-t0k.net

irc://irc.tik-t0k.net/friendsofb

if anyone wants to chat
>>
>>680171884
Right now I'm currently quasi homeless, but I have a lot of great things lined up for me. Stop focusing on the negative focus on the good things in life and how to improve. You will start feeling better.
>>
>>680171884
video games
>>
>>680188248
Hey, man. Would you be willing to talk to someone?

Also, who here is interested in starting a Feels Kik group? It'll be a great chance to connect with people who may share similar experiences.
>>
Anti depressants and therapy.

My pills changed my life.
>>
>>680188532

dude i literally just made an IRC channel for this lol >>680188426


but yeah kik is easier for a lot of people, I'm down to join
>>
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>>680174758
I wish this were the case for Oklahoman professionals. Motherfuckers leave all us nuts and addicts lumped together. Had to go to fuckin AA meetings and and I wasn't even addicted to shit.
>>
>>680188639
how long on em cuz i startetd curius
>>
>>680188703
Someone make it. I'll join.
>>
>>680171884
i wouldn't consider myself being more intelligent than the rest of the human species. I'm probably a lil bit wise, but it's all. I have no special talent, im average (or even under average) looking, but i can talk to people and entertain them with my humor on a daily ADHS-basis, but i cant stay and hang around with a person longer than 2 Hours. They start to annoy me and i slightly begin to hate them after the lapse of time. I had 5 "best friends" in my life and they're all dicks, so i fucking ghosted them because i do hate drama. And what am i doing after school (12th grade) in my freetime? Doing shitty music, listening to venetian snares and other edgy underground shit, riding a bmx like a noob or even a pussy, playing dota against pissed russians, watching porn, hanging around on /b/ and entertain about 241 subscribers on youtube. And why? Because my fucking freinds were all disappointing me. They don't pulled me into desolation, i chose it on my own and its also the reason I'm here: Because its easyer to communicate here. Noone knows how you look like, noone knows who you are, noone knows your history, noone knows you and also noone knows what you're going trough, even when dey do have the same story. I can't even spend more than 2 hours for my mother, my father my sister.

But i know one thing: This fucking shit is just inside my head: Okay, im different, so it does mean that i have to try to reach to someone who's as different as I am. I can get friends, real friends and really: everybody out here can also get someone who'll stay next to you. But is this really the crap i want to have?

The only thing i want is someone, who's more than a friend. At the end you don't need friends. You just do need someone in your life, whom you can do more with than just smoking weed.

At the end i have to go more often out of the house, talk to people...even when shits gonna be hard
>>
>>680187530
Do not take if your mental disorder causes psychosis. Even if you don't have psychosis certain drugs can trigger the onset of psychosis inducing disorders. Its completely random though. There are some articles where it talks aboot weed triggering schizophrenia and some where it says that weed make a schizophrenic's symptoms go away.
>>
>>680188337
I hope not. Honestly, I want no form on consciousness after this merry-go-round. Not even a weird dream state, or some other form of afterlife. I'm counting on blackness. Less than blackness. Profound nothing while my body decays is the best case scenario I have been able to fathom for years now.

This being said; I don't hope for anyone to kill themselves. But I can't live with the choices that I've made.
>>
>>680171884

I tried to kill myself just to see if i could do it, otherwise i was determined not to think of it again because it was like a drug, thinking should i do it?. But then you pussy out of it and the circle resets.

Probably not the best choice but atleast it gave my mind some rest, because now i know i would actually do it if it comes down to it.
>>
>>680188887
Of by one. Fuck my life
>>
>>680188887
Well, I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety disorder. I've smoked weed before (pretty heavily, like multiple times a day on a daily basis). Never had a problem with that, although I did have some bad trips with paranoia. Do you think I'd react badly to shrooms?
>>
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>>680172435
Yeah guys, just change your mind!
>>
>>680187372
Can't see one. No money or medical.
>>
>>680189025
You had one shot, man...
>>
I wish I could believe her. Who would love me? All I am is whats stopping my dad beating my mum and brother
>>
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>>680188840

here it is
>>
>>680188959
I hope you thought this through wisely. Godspeed, anon.
>>
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>>680184538
>>680184826
holy fuck me too
you fuckers scare me
>>
Bruckheimer kitchenette before infringing higher brunch itching networking judging the forethought by fixtures .
>>
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>>680171884
I don't even know anymore at this point. It's just become so solidified in who I am that its more a part of everyday life. It's almost like I've become numbed to it, and it just goes through my head without me actually feeling anything, and I just keep going about my business. I feel like I don't actually have any coping mechanism, but I'm somehow still going simply through the feeling of being too tired to care. I don't find ways around things, I just let them hit me. Let it all flow down over my brain. I'm too tired to feel.
>>
Dont think about it
>>
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>>680189570
same here
at one point in my life i stoped care about all that.
im dead inside.
>>
>>680188532
I guess but I'm really just looking for help killing myself. Life is a headache and I just want to fucking stop thinking
>>
>>680184538
>>680184826
>>680189435
I do something kinda similar I guess. The only exception is I can't differentiate between the conversations I've made up and the ones I've actually had.
>>
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>>680171884
i just listen to music, stay away from love, do my job. analyze people for potential good friends (this step has to have been already done at early ages) overall being a super badass that doesn't give a shit about anything except how i live. chill, smoke weed. play games. hang out.
>>
The only reason i like /b is because there are alot of people like me. im depressed. I get home from work, smoke some weed, then sleep rest of day. My biggest problem is my insecurities. I look in the mirror and seee the ugliest person ever, this is what keeps me from getting better.
>>
>be depressed
>start working on getting /fit/
>no longer depressed

works bra
>>
>>680189390
I feel that I have thought it through extensively. This should be my final selfish act, and then I can't hurt anyone anymore.
I'll die; not quite a newfag, not quite an oldfag. Somewhere in the middle.
>I guess that would just make me a faggot..
>>
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>>680189809
that is a huge problem m8
what bothers me really is that i wish i could talk to others like i do in my fake interviews
>>
>>680189435
>Normie detected
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>
I everything being bringing getting high identifying there is verses dancing be far shrugging chief endurance cognitive the effective right vengeful throb in condensing straighter aggregated insufficiency in the trying to buy the unscheduled chunk lips,
>>
>>680189809
Now that's not very normal.
>>
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>>680171884
OP, I hope you see this, but I think you should start going to the gym and working out, I'm not trying to imply that you're fat, it's just during and post workout, endorphins are released in the brain which gives you the feel good buzz. You could make your existence mean something, strive for goals. You could also take a bunch of a steroids and look absolutely insane giving you the confidence boost it seems you need. Honestly man, if you're as sad as you say you are, the only way is up.
>>
>>680190053

you can

there's no difference between what can happen in your imagination and what can happen in real life
>>
>>680190124
Deep man.
>>
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>>680190111
My first trips
>feelsgood.gif
>>
>>680176058
Update on this. She told me there's nothing I can do to make things better and that we'll never get together again. I've been crying all fucking day
>>
>>680190174
I've litterally gone to a restaurant before and waited for a girl for half an hour before realizing I never actually asked her out. The worst part was still having to eat there since I couldn't really just leave after sitting there for so long.
>>
>>680189855
i loled
>>
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>>680188860
You summed up my thoughts anon,I kind of feel it helped me.Thanks maybe one day we'll pass by unaware of each other or not.Even so good luck with your life.
>>
Life may not have a real purpose but that doesn't matter if you have the right brain chemicals. Medication works.
>>
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>>680190215
and you can become the toppest of all the memers
>>
>>680190595
Join the Kik group brother.
>>
>>680190111
noice trips that means i'm a fukkin normie i guess
there could be worse
>>
>>680190738
What group? What's it about?
>>
>>680190648
Kek. I hate to laugh but you have to admit that's funny
>>
>>680172172
Excellent answer early on
>>
>>680171884
Easy, you dont deserve to kill yourself. You deserve to keep living in agony.
>>
>>680190803
>mfw a normie is all I want to be.
>>
>>680171884

I just went back on the pills two weeks ago. Probably saved my life with that one.
>>
>>680189300 << this one. General feels group
>>680190849
>>
OP kill urself. Problem solved.3
>>
I volunteered to help people like you at the samaritans the other day, does anybody want some help?
>>
>>680191079
Could you add DoYouLikeMelons?
>>
>>680191143
Sure. What do you do...?
>>
>>680176058
I know this feel. I gave up on the love of my life 4 years ago, because she was depressed and unresponsive to my attempts to pull her out of it.
And now I'm treating my current girlfriend the same way my ex treated me. Made me think that the love of my life did not reciprocate my deepest affections.

Be wary, anon. You may become bitter in your near future, lash out at your closest confidants who are trying to save you. I hope that you can come out of this, and really, truly live your life.
>>
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>>680181974
>>
>>680191169
Second that. Add princehummus
>>
>>680191239
One thing I want to do is get high, just forget about all the bad shit and feel good for a little bit
>>
>>680191219
I am a student at the moment, I am hoping to do samaritans stuff while at uni.

I think I am good at talking to people, since I helped some guy over kik from here before, and I have looked after my mum through abuse and talked one of my real friends irl out of cutting himself at a party
>>
>>680191432
I know the feel /b/ro..
>>
I actually envy those who actually had the courage to end the ride. My faith is just to be miserable I think.
>>
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>>680171884
Anytime I get stressed out or depressed that far I like to think that science is coming far enough that in my lifetime I will be capable of near immortality and that in 80 years anything and everything I'm worried about now won't Matter in the slightest.
>>
>>680191080
Don't know why i'm suprised
>>
>>680191432
I can relate to that. But it's not dealing with the underlying issue of rejection and loss. You should seek therapy, whether professional or in the company of friends.
>Or even here, with the trolls
Talk it out. Process the emotions. Or you may spend the next few years in the darkest Hell you can imagine. Best of luck to your healing, anon.
>>
>>680191064
Aw shit.
>the feels
>>
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>>680171884
take an hour every day to feel like shit. just sit in bed and cry. hate yourself and feel like the most worthless piece of shit in the world.

then you get the fuck up.

Youre on this earth for a goddamn reason and your time isnt up yet. So get going. Go work out. Get a rescue animal. Find purpose. You have nothing to lose so why not go do something amazing? Learn how to cook. Learn another language. Travel the world. You can do anything, so why not do everything?
>>
>>680171884
>>
>>680191064
What is stopping you being normal?
>>
I hate putting on a fake facade. I hate going throughout my day, trying so god damn hard to ignore the constant thoughts of suicide.
Its 24/7.

My gf doesn't respond as fast anymore, takes about an hour-ish just for a simple sentence.

I kinda want to break up with her so I can kill myself in peace without hurting anyone.

But I'm too fucking scared.
>>
I have money, if I didn't have money I would be miserable and probably consider it
>>
>>680192111
ur not here for a reason, asshole.
ur here and wasnt stillborn
>>
>>680184538
>i always talk to myself or imagine that im talking to someone. i imagine that im being interviewed and people find me very charming. Holy fucking shit i do this too besides the cuttimg and the imaginary person. When i see, let's say an interview i put myself in that person's place...
>>
>>680192156
In my case, my ugly face and social anxiety.
>>
Strong as fuck meds
>>
>>680192571
i kinda do this too fam
>>
>>680192551
Aw shit. The trips.
>chekd
>>
>>680192207
You have an imbalance in your brain chemistry. Fix it by progressing physically or by taking meds.

The only alternative is your life sucks more than some starving african kids that doesn't want to commit suice. Those little peckers want to live. So tell us your shit story so I can repeat the first paragraph to you.
>>
>>680192207
>my gf
at least you have one
>>
>>680192694
>implying i have to have a "woe is me" story in order to have depression
>>
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I get off what used to be my fatass and instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself i go exercise in whatever way I can, till I sweat and release endorphin that allow me to reward myself with a couple of hours of online gaming you dirty fucking cunt.
>>
I want to die and come back as a evil ghost and haunt people like the chick in Grudge. That would be a fun after life to live.
>>
>>680192651
There are plenty of ugly normies.

In terms of anxiety, remember, they aren't going to hurt you. There is no need to be afraid of people. Maybe get a prescription of anti-anxiety medicine or something?
>>
>>680192156
The picture is from the movie "Clean, shaven" where Peter Greene plays a schizophrenic who is trying to find his daughter but everyone thinks he is a murderous maniac and ends up getting shot by the police. He couldn't get help due to the times/lack of knowledge. I can't because of funds and yay america.
>>
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>>680171884
>>
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>>680183110
Or just buy a submarine
>>
>>680172172
Ye dis

If ya can't do this, OP, by all means try to kill yourself faggot. And I mean it as a legit advice: when you try to kill yourself and inevitably fail, you'll realize the value of life and finally get that motivation to get off your ass and do something. Well if you do succeed, it's another story. But I count that as a win either way.

>OP should try an hero
>>
>>680192892
Paragraph 1 does exactly the opposite of implying that.
>>
>>680193039
Like
>>
>>680192894
I want so start woking out too butmy room is so fucking tiny and I can't work out around people outside.
>>
>>680193039
>I ain't liking shit
>Buckle up faggot
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>
>>680171884
The army will make you feel usefull
>>
>>680193231
But more in a "socket wrench" useful kinda way. The army did nothing but ruin my life.
>>
>>680185537
nigger
>>
>>680188860
>You just do need someone in your life, whom you can do more with than just smoking weed.

I'm almost the fucking same as you anon. Some off my best friends moved some i dont even speak because they still smoke weed,etc. I'm going to the gym the last 8-9 months and i just want someone to talk to with the same fucking interests as me..
>>
>>680191893
I know it's not but all I want is her back and that's not happening
>>
>>680193461
Being high, or drunk, or an extended period is just going to further distance yourself from healing.
You've got to allow yourself to be this hurt.
And what a way to feel alive; to know this torment. To be able to feel so entirely broken.
>>
>>680189890
True and not really true /b/ro

I time to time lose motivation to workout. But it helps. especially when you're done with a good workout and going home, fucking love that feeling.
>>
Okay. I've been there, didn't totally recovered from it but : turn depression into anger. Anger towards what made you feel like shit in the first place. It is hard depending on why you are sad. I still can't be mad at my ex because it wasn't really her fault. But sometime i try to get angry just to move myself forward.

Also, download "Seven" on your smartphone and start doing it every morning. When you'll be comfortable doing sport every morning, you'll feel a it more better. Scientifically proved.

Once you'll be used to do sport every morning, start going to bed earlier and wake up early too. Read a book before sleeping, it helps having a better sleep. Better sleep = less depression.
>>
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>>680171884
music
>>
>>680193461
You are still feeling. When you've lost that, that's when all hope is lost. So you need to keep a death grip on your ability to feel so devastated. Embrace this pain; you're going to grow from it if you don't run from it.
>>
What makes me the most sad is that I have so much potential, and I might be able to achieve some of it if I was able to get mental health help. Now I'm just going to be some crazy homeless guy that killed himself.
>>
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I am afraid of making contact with strangers. If I talk with them for some time, most the fear goes away and I feel kinda normal, but making the first step is always a pain, I just can't make myself do it unless I absolutely must do it. And whenever I'm doing it I am super nervous, my voice becomes wobbly and quiet and I feel like a small incompetent kid. I know I should visit a doctor, but I can't even make myself go out to buy groceries.
>>
>>680194217
>Well with that attitude
>>
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Just drop it man, find a way to drop that weight in your head.

Close your eyes, concentrate on your breathing and count to ten over and over.

There's no right answer except you have to identify what is not rational.

Take a breath and realise that you are a person, with good points and bad just like everyone else.
>>
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I miss her.
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>>680189300
this isn't working for me
>>
>>680194455
The dubzzzzz
>>
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>>680171884
My goldfish loves me.
>>
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>>680194486
That picture made me laugh
>>
>>680194789
And at least some of the 111 posters give a shit about you too.
>>
>>680189300
Can you add a specific username? I'm the guy who's planning to jump in front of the train
>>
>>680171884
I watch a lot of series and play games. Without games I'd probably either go insane or kill myself.
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