Hey /b/ my fucking stupid friend fucked up big time
>be me
>friend asks me if I can drive him to the store
>say okay
>on the way he tells me he is going to rob it and that he will split the cut with me if I agree to drive him back
>he doesn't have a gun or anything, he's just going to grab some cash out of the till and run
>tell him no
>"fine whatever man"
>we drive there
>he goes inside
>suddenly see him rush out of the store with a full cart
>didn't even have time to look at what he had before he runs around the back of the car and starts throwing shit in the trunk
>he slams the trunk shut and jumps in the passenger seat
>"dude what the fu-"
>"JUST FUCKING DRIVE!!!!!!"
>3 employees rush outside
>i peel out
>we get back to my house
>open trunk
>"what the fuck is this dude?"
>fucking. paper. towels.
>literally like 100 of the damn things
>he gives me half of them
>mfw there are literally like 50 stolen paper towel rolls on my kitchen counter right now
>he didn't tell me why he took only paper towels
Wut do /b/ I think my friend might be autismostic
Pics or didn't happen
Pic as proof. Moved some of the into the closet. Seriously dunno what to do with these things...
Was it Downy?
They won't even all fit in the closet.
Holy fuck somebody had better be screencapping this
>>675482230
I think you might be the autistic one. Paper towl where I live is expensive like 4$ a roll. And thats brand name shit you got right there.
Winning thread of the day
>>675483072
How basic can you be...
Challenge complete
The rest of them
>>675483072
I think you might be lying and your underage bitch faggot ass is sitting in a house with a cheapskate mom that buys tons of those things on sale.
You just wanted, for once, to have story. Just once to make people to look at YOU when you talk. You just wanted to be a thread that gets shared across b, beyond it even. You wanted attention. You little whore.
>>675484391
>projecting
toasting in good bread
>>675484351
Lay low a couple days with them then after a while sell them cheaper than their store price to neighbors or people over the internet to make some chump change.
>>675484770
I feel like that could end badly, like I'd be kidnapped by some paper towel don or something.
>>675485069
Then turn him in?
If you not about the trap life get out of it
>>675485069
Dip them in gasoline TP somebodies house then light it on fire. (lel im joking feds dont shoot me)
thats just so dumb.probably the dumbest thing ive ever heard.
>>675484391
>preach
Whats funny is that is a felony theft in my state... over paper towels man
>>675484391
>>675485690
at least he can write a story
he's contributed more to /b/ than you have faggot
>>675485866
Man I'm on OP's side numb nuts
>>675485850
kek
he dindu nuffin
>>675482791
sauce
>This thread
>your fucking friend
>>675484351
Make a post on tumbler, saying that the fear of disgusting white males raping you, made you buy all this. And now you're broke
OP most definitely is not a fag, also lulz
>>675486466
kek
What you gon- whatchu goin do if they got your plates and wanna chat with you?
>>675486571
You're doing god's work anon
>>675484391
You do realise that 90% of the stories on /b are fake, right? Most of them have 0 proof at all, and this guy does.
>>675486346
Russia
>>675486571
Thanks anon
>>675486777
Oh he can win trips but not an emmy
Why would someone in it's right mind stole that
What the fuck.
OP, make he tell why
Why the fuck did he steal the individual rolls?
No 4-packs?
Make some hobo sheets, just make a bed of paper towels
>>675483072
well that's barely 20 and they look like a shitty dollar store brand. don't tell us you wasted 20 dollarydoos on this thread
>>675487271
I asked him why when we got back and all he said was "dude they were right there"
>>675487407
He did take 2 6 packs
God i love the stupid fuckin kids in this country.
*tips hat*
43 posts, 22 posters. uh huh.
>>675487912
Because the same person can't post twice right?
>>675484770
best advice of 2016 to get caught
Kek. Even if this is fake it still has been better then all threads today.
>>675483437
>$4 a roll
I'd rather have $200 than 50 fucking rolls of paper towels.
>brand name
When the hell did OP say anything about them being brand name?
Maybe his "friend" grabbed the shitty kind.
>>675487504
Like right inside the door by the carts?
>He walks in
>grabs cart [probably in view of registers & employees]
>sees paper towels
>autism intensifies
>Fills cart
>Turns around
>Books it
>He's now running at your car
>You heard him say he was gonna rob this place
>YOU POPPED THE TRUNK FOR HIM
>wut
>>675488249
OP here. I just counted and there are 37 rolls including the rolls in the 6 packs.
>>675488410
Trunk was already opened. He opened it before he went in.
>>675488835
You were clearly in on it then. You didn't question why he popped the trunk first?
Prepare to have your butthole raped in prison, OP.
>>675489147
I really don't think they are going to be coming after us. Obviously they will file a police report but I don't think I'm going to end up on FBI's most wanted list.
>>675489147
I didn't question why he opened the trunk because I didn't take him seriously. He always says stupid shit like that. He's about as socially awkward as they can be.
He once told me that he has an inner demon inside of him that he keeps sealed up but that it comes out sometimes and that he can't control his anger when it does.
>>675489338
It is aggravated robbery and you were the get away driver. It's not bad enough for the FBI to get involved, no, but your local police will definitely be interested.
I lost.
Someone archive this holy crap.
>>675482230
OP, in the middle of the night leave a roll at each of your neighbors homes, make sure to leave one roll at your doorstep and act confused when questioned...
>>675490591
that's actually pretty genius, but I don't have enough rolls.
>go to every fast food restaurant in your town
>fill all toilets with the paper towels
>flush
pics and timestamp faget
>>675490730
Wouldn't work anyway. 3 employees chased your friend out and watched you take off. They saw your car. You're already fucked OP. Unless you take your half to the police and turn evidence against your friend. That's about the only chance you got in not being charged as an accomplice to aggravated robbery. Remember, felonies stick with you forever. Better act fast OP, before they find you and wipe the deal off the table.
>>675491383
kek, wipe
put them all in your high school's swimming pool
>it'll take a crane to get them out
>>675489715
>He once told me that he has an inner demon inside of him that he keeps sealed up but that it comes out sometimes and that he can't control his anger when it does.
Dude, if this is real, then im amazed that you haven looked for help for your friend. This is very weird thing to say, have you ever considerar that he could do "stupid shit" and end up doing something really fucked up and will say that was his inner demon?
Im honestly dissapointed anon that someone of your intelect still have friends like this.
>>675491664
double kek
Drive around town finding a car exactly as yours, get the trunk open anyway possible, and throw them all in
I doubt the 3 at the store saw the license plate clearly
>>675491813
We were 16 at the time that he told me that and he was trying to be edgy and cool. He's always been like that.
>>675482230
Fuck you, thief.
>>675491982
This could work. Maybe keep one roll to wipe your fingerprints from the target vehicle, otherwise you'll add obstruction of justice and breaking and entering to your charges.
>>675492347
terrified.
>>675492347
I don't think the FBI cares about a low tier felony
>>675492251
now consider he did rob a store, i know this is a faggy thing to say, but hey.
He could do something worse than this anyday, he may have just started. I'd say figure or make him tell you why would he rob those toilet paper
>>675492347
Meanwhile at FBI
>alright people, we've got some major problems on our hands
>illegal drug trafficking
>serial killers on the loose
>cybercrime at an all time high
>child pornography rings still operational
>organized crime is still a threat
>"hold on a second HOLD ON A FUCKING SECOND!"
>what is it gary?
>"WE JUST RECIEVED AN ANONYMOUS TIP THAT SOMEONE HAS STOLEN OVER 37 PAPER TOWELS! THE TIP WAS SUBMITTED AT 1:20 PM FROM SOMEONE BROWSING 4CHAN!"
>oh
>my
>G O D
>O
>D
>>675493221
easy break to meet their quota once they meet it they get more funding...
>>675493214
I'll make sure he doesn't do something like this again. Honestly I have no idea what he was thinking or why he did it. He's just a weird dude.
>>675486571
Add in >>675492347 and people's reactions.
>>675492546
Take it from someone who has alot of experience with the law OP. You ought to be. They won't care that it was just paper towels, it is more of the act of what was done. The law tends not to go lightly in cases of aggravated robbery, a violent felony, as far as the law is concerned. A violent felony on your record will greatly limit your options in life. You will never get a job where you have to interact personally with customers. You will never legally own a gun. Can't vote. Can't coach your future children's sports teams. Because of the nature of this particular crime, you won't even be able to get a job in retail. Turn your friend in OP. Tell them everything, about his "inner demons" and all. You can still save your life OP.
>>675493637
Did you even read the post? It wasn't violent, his friend just grabbed some paper towels and ran out of the store.
>>675493905
Aggravated robbery is a violent charge. The fact that his friend did it in front of employees and was chased out makes it violent. If he concealed them and snuck out it would be just petit larceny, a misdemeanor. He was attempted to be stopped and ran. That is the use of force according to the law.
Do you even legal?
>>675493454
Well noone here aside from you know him as good as you. I will insist that you know from his mouth why did he stole toilet paper, maybe hes going trhough problems in his hourse or anything
Let's be real, there's cameras involved. It's a matter of time, and the clock is ticking.
It's not real high on the list if you're in a big city, but if you're not, it's nearing the end of the month and the non-existent quota may rein you in shortly.
>>675494258
The law literally looks at it this way, no joke
Also each roll is about $3 which totals over $200 which is a felony
>>675494033
Nice I got on it!
>>675494605
I don't know about that, in my state petit larceny is anything less then $1000. But regardless, aggravated robbery IS a felony, even if it was only one roll.
>>675494942
Matter of fact, according to my particular state, as I said aggravated robbery is more about the act. Even if he had dropped the roll and didn't get it, LEO could STILL charge him with aggravated robbery. Of course, in this case, they got away with over 50. It's an open and closed case of agg robb.
>>675494942
Oh shit! Nice state! Mines over 200 but they are trying to raise it to 1500
My state just dropped it from $1000 to $500 to be counted as a felony. It's really fucked with the frequent fliers who shoplift constantly. No more sig bonds for you, fuckos!
>>675489715
Kek I've seen that exact statement posted from a Facebook screen cap on here. Op is a lying faggot
>>675496368
Pics or didn't happen
>>675496581
Shit OP, I didn't save the Facebook cap, but someone's got to have it. I'm not saying the thread idea. I'm saying the "inner demons" quote. It was some edge lord and there was a screen cap of like 30 posts from his facebook that was all full of that retarded bullshit. I'm 99 percent sure this thread is bullshit but hey, prove me wrong and send us some info of the store you "stole" from so we can verify its real?
>>675497093
That would be a big mistake on his part haha
>>675497681
>oh god it's not even summer yet and you retards are already out in force.
>>675498473
Spring break is still a thing.
>>675498473
Would you say the store you stole from?
>>675484351
>mm/dd/yyyy
That fucking date format...
