Can we get a greentext story thread
I don't any myself so, instead, heres a nice pussy
synth rubber pussy
kill it with fire
>>674099118
she's a cyborg!
>>674099118
>with adjustable non-functioning asshole
Why even live?
>Taking a poop at work
>Notice tiny any crawling on the ground
>Decide to name him Steve
>Smuggle Steve back to my desk and hide him in the drawer
>Come in to work the next day and Steve is dead
>>674098822
>baking a cake
>see spider
>scream
>drop cake mix on the floor
>crush spider in rage
>clean up mess
>make cake batter aye gain
>see spider
>scream
>drop cake batter and make mess
>crush spider
>be me
>at school
>it's PE
>some construction was being done on the school this year
>there's a fence baring off a triangle of grass
>Chad gets in the center with his friends surround the edges of the triangle
>suddenly, a geyser of sewage bursts out from below Chad and his lackeys
>they're all covered in shit
>I'm laughing my ass off while sitting in the bleachers
>mfw Chad is ridiculed about the incident for years to come
>>674099757
Rip in pieces Steve
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>>674101158
keep telling yourself that newfag.
>>674098822
Sauce please
>>674099757
>Didn't like spiders
>See a really cool one in my office one day
>Decide to play with it
>It has really big eyes and watches everything I do
>Decide I want to keep it
>Capture it
>Look it up and find out it's a jumping spider
>Learn all about jumping spiders
>I had no idea they were a completely different thing from web spiders
>They have almost human-level vision and hunt prey like cats
>Jumping spiders are based as fuck
>Buy a sweet enclosure for my new spider and fill it with crickets for her to murder
>Within thirty seconds she is stalking a cricket
>She pounces it and fucks its shit up
>Leaves its drained carcass on the ground
>This is amazing
>Hunt for more spiders at work
>End up with like 5
>Huge male I found eats the females
>whyhaveyoudonethis.jpeg
>Forsake my remaining spiders to die slowly of starvation out of spite
>Winter passes
>Find a new spider literally today
>The ride never ends
>worked in retail store from age 18-22 to pay for college
>small store with only a few employees. I was night manager
>fooled around with 3 young cuties while I was there
>first chick was 16 yr old 7/10 blondie white girl
>she had the nicest little boobies
>I got her alone in the back office one night after store closed
>she was wearing a skirt. we made out and I groped boobies
>I managed to get my hand under her skirt and fingered her tight wet pussy
>she never did fuck me even tho she said she wanted to. total cock tease that one
>second chick was 18 yr old 5/10 asian
>she sucked me off in the break room a few times after store closed
>first time she ran to the bathroom after I busted my load in her mouth
>when I asked her why she said she had to spit
>turns out she had never swallowed cum before
>so next few times I made that bitch swallow my load
>third chick was 20 yr old 7/10 mexican
>she had long legs and a nice round ass
>I fucked her in the back of her parents van during a lunch break
>she also blew me in the mens bathroom during a break
>working retail sucked. but meeting young cuties was dope
>>674101158
welcome to the site, newfriend
>>674099957
>see spider on window
>crush window
>cut my hand into glass
>*bleeding intensifies*
>survive
>find spider dead the next day among pieces of glass
>aw yss
>replace piece of glass with cardboard
>>674098822
Sauce
>>674101737
post some pics of your spiders
>>674102695
I told you I let my old ones die. I only have the one I found today. One sec I will take a pic. It's a male.
>Be me, in college, working at retail store
>Won't say which but rhymes with
>Test Pie
>Doing remodel overnight
>11:15pm, store closed at 9, moving a washer
>Almost run into little 8 yo niglet...
>WTF uhh, we are closed, niglet sees me and screams
>11 year old niglet runs out from behind some boxes
>WTF is going on
>Manager comes over, we call police
>Kids see police, immediately start talking
>Apparently niglet's parents had them hide, suppose to open door when watch says 12 30
>Police have us all move cars to side of building
>Knock on side door at 1230
>Surprise cops
>Niglet parents go to jail
>I wonder what happened to niglets, not their fault
>>674098822
What's new pussylips?
>>674103001
>pre /b/
>working at "loss prevention" for an extra shift, don't normally work there
>see fat kid, looks suspicious, on camera
>steals video game
>gotcha fatty!
>Zoom in, oh god its a potato downsey as fuck
>Call over manager, neither of us want to call the cops on a 'tard
>Quick review of camera he comes in with a "guardian"
>Go to guardian, show her 'tard stealing
>She goes and gets tard, sees us, immediately bursts out into tears and snot
>apologizing and trying to dig stolen stuff out of pants
>for some reason I feel like shit, wish I didn't catch him
Of course years later, post /b/ me I think my reaction would of been way fucking different.
>>674101737
THE RIDE NEVER ENDS
>>674102292
>>674098822
siswet @ cb
>>674102695
He is a little shy
>>674103001
>>674103474
>More Same Fag
>Black family comes into the store, mom dad go to look at TVs.
>Kid, like 12-13ish maybe even 14, starts stealing CDs
>Parents are in the back dropping ~6k on shit, this kid is stealing $9.99
>Catch him, call police, kid admits his parents are in the store
>Go get them, Mom walks into office with kid & cop
>SLAP! across the face of kid, mom looks at cop
>Cop says, "Its cool i'll let you know when you get close to child abuse."
>Mom goes to town on this little shit, slapping the shit out of him
>Cop lets her get in some good whacks, then says that's enough.
>Had to leave the room, laughing to hard
>>674103474
This OP of the first retail story. I got dozens of stories of the crazy shit I saw while working there. So glad I never had to work retail again.
>>674103822
Where do you live that you find those things?
>>674103953
Moar???
>>674103953
Same man, retail can be some crazy fucking shit.
>Xmas time, people are always moody and bitchy
>2 people fight for a parking spot, 1 gets it, other yells shit at him
>Both walk into the store still running their mouth at each other
>Both walk into the return lane, oh god
>This woman with her husband wouldn't shut her mouth
>Guy she is arguing with turns to husband and goes
>"Make this bitch shut her mouth Or I'll knock her out."
>Woman spits on the guy
>Knocks her the fuck unconscious.
>Husband of woman stays in line while an employee (manager) attends to woman and LP guy pulls guy out of line and someone calls cop
>Husband goes up to the counter to do the return
>Doesn't seem to give a FUCK.
IF you want some old shit, you can choose from these.
>>674104158
Virginia, USA
>live in Tolerance Zone #65
>be nu-trans fourth trimester transsensual Angst Profile ZETA-8 genderqueer pseudo-dyke reformed lesbiophilic heteromollusc
>see cis thin white male at the zoo
>ask "mommies, what's that?"
>they don't know
>Genderless Polyamorous Parental Unit #2 takes me into a Safe Zone and engages the Feelings Shield
>tells me that it is a monster from the beforetime
>tells me not to be scared, because the monsters' penisocracy was smashed by the forces of the LBJQGTA5 Coalition in the Patriarchy Wars
>start to cry
>s/he opens his and/or her rainbow mesh vest and retrieves an estrogen pill to cheer me up
>feeling the calming femininity wash over me
>s/he tells me that the monsters aren't allowed to hurt anyone anymore, only to work, to support our glorious society
>throw Privilege Peanuts at him
>everyone laughs
>take some soma
>go home and read some consensus-approved feelings-safe literature
>>674103822
IT's so cute.
>>674104614
have you ever take it on your hand?
>>674104614
I'm generally afraid of spiders but those look less scary, never seen one tho.
>>674105019
If thread is still here in about 30 minutes I'll take a pic of him in the enclosure I have
>>674105245
No, I just found him a few hours ago so he would have to get used to me, but you can . All jumping spiders are harmless and can be friendly.
>>674105371
>Guy comes in, looking for some movie, I'm helping him
>Everytime a girl walks by he looks at her ass
>Looks at me, You'd hit that right?
>I just laugh and nod
>Gay guy comes over to use the computer after i'm done
>Guy looks at gay guy as another girl walks by, turns to him and says
> "You'd tap that right?"
>Gay guy goes, "uh..no."
>Guy goes, "wtf are you some faggot?"
>Gay guy goes, "yeah I am, gay."
>Guy turns red face like a tomato, walks away, sets down what he had and leaves the store, never got the movie
>This gross, fat looking neckbeard blob comes up to the return desk
>Exchanges a video camera for a higher end one
>After exchange he looks at the 2 girls working at the return desk
>Begins to explain he is starting a porn business and would love to have them do a lesbian scene together
>They decline, he gives them each a card
>I was impressed that fat fuck had the balls to ask that, even if he gets a 1000 Nos it only would take 1 yes.
>2 chicks were fucking hot
>Guy wants to return a CD he bought 6 months ago
>looks like he has listened to and scratched it a ton
>Girl at desk says no
>He frisbee throws the case (not just the disk, but the plastic) case at her and hits her
>We call police
>He says good, He wants to tell them how we are stealing his money for the CD
>Cop shows up and arrests him for battery
>Guy can't believe it.
>>674105472
Keep thread alive for spider anon
>>674105787
how big is it? take a picture with something (like a coin) to compare
>>674105299
They act more like "animals" than normal spiders because normal spiders are legally blind in human terms. Jumping spiders feel like pets because they watch you and react.
>>674105953
Look at the corrugation of the box, that thing is _tiny_.
>>674104422
> late one night close to closing. dude rides up on a ten speed bike and comes in the door
> says can I leave my bike here while I shop. sure no prob
> I help him pick out some jeans. we go to the front counter. I ring him up
> I notice that he reeks of booze, eyes red and woozy on his feet
> whatever dont give a fuck. lots of druggies and alkies in the neighborhood
> he pays for jeans. I bag them up and he heads out the door with his bike
> he gets on the bike holding handle bars with one hand and bag with other.
> seems off balance as he takes off. sure enuf gets about 15 feet and falls over
> comes crashing thru one of the big plate glass windows of the store
> I run over to see wtf if hes okay. broken glass and shit everywhere
> I am mostly pissed off cuz I will have to clean up glass and call my boss about window
> then I see the blood running on the floor. asshole has sliced his arm open from the elbow to shoulder
> shit was laid open like a fucking gutted pig. my femaile coworker starts screaming
> I tell her to stfu and call 911. blood is pooling on the floor
> I grab shirts and whatever and try to stop bleeding. finally ambulance and cops arrive
> dude is rushed off to the hospital. never found out if he lived or died
> sucked for me cuz I had to clean up blood and broken glass
> some of the sickest shit I ever saw was that arm sliced open
>>674105953
They're called bold jumping spiders, pretty small
>>674105826
I'll make a thread if this one is dead. Search for jumping spider.
>>674106152
One of my old males was twice his size. But he also ate my females . . .
>>674106269
>spider whisperer
>>674106658
This
>Be me
>Be 23
>Chill out at home and hour in the morning before the evening shift at work.
>Doorbell rings.
>Don't open, since I never open the door unless I'm waiting for some one.
>Doorbell rings again.
>Phone starts ringing.
>It's mom.
>Hear some sobbing through the phone.
>Asks me to open the door for her.
>She's crying and dad's with her. They're divorced so it's unusual.
>Ask what's wrong (even though I knew exactly what had happened when I heard the sobbing through the phone).
>Big brother used drugs and had been diagnosed with drug induced psychosis and schizophrenia.
>Big brother had killed himself last night.
>Collapse on the couch and blankly stare on the ground.
>Massive flow of tears just run down my cheeks.
>Don't make a sound but still cry like I had never cried before.
>Cry for 2 hours straight.
>Boss calls why I hadn't checked in for work.
>Just cry on the phone barely managing to tell him what I just found out.
>He says "Stay home for the next two weeks." and hangs up.
>I keep crying and staring at the ceiling for the rest of the day.
>>674106363
Interested
>>674106269
i used to play with one of pic related when i was a kid. they can easily kill a locust.
sadly it was gone when my father cut hedge
>>674106658
I'm not the guy with the spider, I just found the pic after a little research
>>674106838
The Fells
>>674106908
I used to catch spiders and burn them alive when I was a kid
>Be 21
>Fuck G/F in Ass
>mehhh grossed her out
>Did not cum
>Talk to chick on FB
>hook up in park 30 min later
>she sucked my dick
>CIM
>No shower in between
>Awesome
>>674107214
Burn all the web spiders you want they are meh. But give jumping spiders a chance they are super interesting.
>>674106908
I wouldnt go near one of those makes my skin crawl just looking at it
>Be 16
>Have huge breeding fetish
>Want to knock up all the girls
>Unfortunately, virgin and a beta bitch
>Stay late after school
>Sneak into one of the girls bathrooms
>Buy a tampon from the little vending machine
>Go into farthest stall
>Partially open tampon to reveal cotton
>Jerk off
>Cum onto the cotton
>Push cotton back into tampon
>Carefully reseal tampon wrapper heating up a paperclip with a lighter.
>Stick tampon back into vending machine to make it appear to be "free"
>The thrill got me so horny do it several times throughout the rest of my high school days
>>674099118
Obviously you have never seen, touched, or fucked a real pussy. They're all like that, virgin.
Her pussy is as real as it gets.
>>674107429
I don't think there are any in my area
>>674104575
Disobedient Avacado
>be 20 manlet 5'2
>sat at a bar talking to 8/10
>get her laughing hard
>shes really into me
>we stand up
>"ummm, well I gotta go back to my friend.."
Story of my life ffs
>>674106838
No one cares faggot
>>674098822
>be in army
>have a dipshit battle buddy
>maintenance rodeo time
>all our vehicles are taken out, cleaned up, and go station to station for a full checkup by mechanics unit
>dipshit battle buddy gets into a HEMMT (pic related)
>guy from other unit gets in "Shouldn't we get a ground guide?" (guy that walks the vehicle around for safety reasons)
>Dipshit: "Nah man! This is how we do it Fort Bliss style, SUNNNUUUUH!"
>proceeds to ram into another HEMMT, and then turns into ANOTHER HEMMT before hitting the chainlink fence
>Dipshit was drunk on duty
>I get to check on him every hour on the hour to make sure he's not drunk anymore
fml smh tbh fam
>>674107779
classic
>>674107488
>breeding fetish
>doing something that will, with absolute 100% chance, do absolutely nothing.
>>674106232
bullshit. storefront windows don't break that easy bc of theft and insurance reasons.
pics or it didn't happen, faggot.
>>674107963
>doing something that will, with absolute 100% chance, do absolutely nothing.
T'was young and stupid
>>674108075
It was lucky then.
>>674107896
how did the hemmts fair?
>>674106838
you're a pussy ass bitch. my brother killed himself when he was 19 (I was 16). I didn't cry. I fucked his 7/10 gf (17 yo).
You should definitely kill yourself.
>>674107628
Shit boys we got a white knight
>>674098822
>Be at party with high school graduating class
>stupid reunion party the second year of college to see where everyones at
>dumb blonde bitch invited literally everyone in the class thinking we could all get along now that we are "mature adults"
>party at kids house
>biggest house in my city
>parents were loaded
>buzzing hard, people annoying me
>go out into guest house (mid November so no one outside and no one supposed to be in guest house.)
>literally walk into bedroom to find one of the cheer captains(in high school) tied up face down on the bed in her undies
>also blindfolded
>she calls her bf's name and ask if hes ready
>confused, look around
>hes no where around
>convinced im hallucinating
>where the fuck was he? what is happening here?
>slowly walk up to her
>pull her panties down and fuck her brains out
>go balls deep in her ass
>i remember i almost lost it and laughed because as i was hammering away on her tiny asshole she said something like "ow babe this is why i dont let you fuck me here, im gonna pay you back when i get to do you."
>cum buckets into her ass
>walk out without saying a word
>literally never heard a word about it
literally the day i peaked.
>>674107628
>They're all like that
No they aren't you fucking virgin. That's why it's so impressive
>>674098822
>be me 15
>Go on a house Party
>im fucking Beautifull and have a big cock but shy as Fuck
>Party is fucking awesome
>im not shy around my friends just when i meet New people
>but when im drunk i give so many Fucks like Chad
>Drink so much as never before
>some New qt come over
>arleady drunk as Fuck
>somehow make out with a 19 years old 11/10
>+100 respect everyone says gg Biest
>i dont remember anything since then
>wake up in bed naked
>she is with me
>"that was great Anon See ya"
>im 20 now and it was my only time i had Sex and I dont remember it
>everyone in school is like"my fucking man Anon" i just Go like "Yeah"
>Mfw
Btw 15 and 19 does it Actualy count as pedo?
>>674102103
>cut my hand into glass
>>674104575
Four years of cum
>>674108148
Both sides on the front of the driving HEMMT were beat in, two HEMMTs with minor side damage, one with a broken tire rotor, and a fucked up fence.
Oh, also my whole fucking weekend. Being a sergeant is like baby sitting for grownups.
>>674108018
It was normal glass not whatever bullet proof riot glass bullshit youre thinking of. and it was a long time ago. much before you were born you 13 year old beta faggot. so no cell phones. now get off the computer and go finish your homework
>>674107628
>They're all like that, virgin
>>674098822
>be me 8
>at cousins house 13
>normally play in the woods
>one day he tells me to come behind an old elm
>when I get around, his pants and underwear are on the ground
>he is already semi hard, but didn't know the difference at the time.
>ask him what he is doing
>gets close and I can see every detail
>to my mind then, it was kind of thick, hairy and balls were dropped
>he says he can make milk
>call him a liar
>tells me he can, but I have to use my mouth on his penis
>I'm not sure
>he coaxes me into getting on my knees and close to his dick
>he gets erect slowly
>says to lick it
>don't want to
>he grabs my head and says to do it, sternly
>scared so start licking
>it's salty and... Fleshy I guess?
>he tells me to grab it
>I do
>it's hard, throbbing and hot
>starts getting me to lick his nuts and everything else to the head
>he must be at least 5"
>he suddenly slides his head into my mouth
>not far but enough for me to get a good taste of it
>he begins coaching me on how to suck his cock
>after awhile he is slightly going my face, and I've got my tongue wrapped around the underside and grinding the head against the roof of mouth
>face is super flush and I feel hot
>own tiny penor is hard
>mixture of emotions, but being used is at the top
>he is getting deep at this point, his cock is super hot and pouring pre into my mouth
>involuntarily swallowing
>he says get ready to swallow
>wut?
>suddenly lots of thick, slightly bitter and salty cum begins rushing into my mouth
>he grunts telling me I'd better swallow or he'll hurt me
>almost crying, still hot and flush
>swallowing every glob as he pumps me full like some cum dump
>he's grunting and grinding
>thick cum is rushing down my throat and I to my stomach
>he finally stops
>says I better not say anything or he'll hurt me
>he walks off, leaving me to whimper in confusion, arousal and the feeling of being used.
>>674104575
Anon upload your gt folder to mega or some shit, gotta leave for evening shift but wanna read them, dont be a faggot.
>>674104575
Bouncy castle!
>>674109042
I think my new spider buddy was out and about looking for food, so I bet he's hungry.
>be me
>be IT
>go to house to find out why internet slow
>90% of my jobs are arrogant mid life crisis soccer mom's with the skin of a leather couch
>same kind of customer at the house
>also, 50% of my jobs are simple fixes, like restarting a router, plugging in shit, etc.
>eventually figure that we'll just to have to reinstall the cable running under the ground because everything up top is fine
>whiny bitch: "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO INSTALL ANOTHER CABLE, DONT YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE UP HERE!? IT'S BEEN HERE FOR LIKE 5 YEARS JUST SITTING ON THE GROUND!"
>Me: "where's this cable?"
>she points to grass in backyard
>I go over and pick it up
>"maam"
>"WHAT?!"
>"this is a garden hose"
>2 mins of silence follow
>her face is inbetween the confusion at how she realizes how manipulative and psychotic her mind really is, while also struggling to somehow put me in the wrong again
>I just leave telling her my company will send another person tomorrow to reinstall the actual cable underground
I used to think that Eugenics was a bad thing.
>>674109651
I've put it to http://stickman.hu/junk/greentext.rar.
> be me, hungry chink
> make ramen from mama noodles
> boil ramen
> while boiling ramen, put ingredients into pan
> mix ingredients with veggie oil
> ramen noodles are soft
> pour water out from ramen
> throw ramen into pan with ingredients
> stir with eggs, siraracha, and soy sauce
> ready and pour into a plate
> drop ramen onto kitchen floor, no one sees
> eat ramen
>>674110179
that sounds like an average dorm occurence to me.
>>674108806
Fuck is Fuck
>>674098822
I'd love to watch her push out a massive shit
>>674109851
you're a cable guy. not an IT professional.
>>674109931
>http://stickman.hu/junk/greentext.rar.
You're a god m8, thanks
>>674108343
Wow your such an edgy degenerate piece of white trash, I wish the other guys druggy brother was alive instead of you. Fucking cancer on this planet
>Wake up 10:30am
>Lay in bed for another hour
>beatmymeat.jpeg
>Decide to play some battlefield
>GED test in 30 mins
>WTF I forgot
>Speedracer.gif
>30 minutes later at the local college
>Walk to classroom with 8/10 ass walking in front of me
>Make it to the classroom
>Make me take picture before test
>mfw take like 30 pictures of me until one finally works for the computer
>Put all my shit a locker
>Head into room and fuck shit up
>Pass the hell out of test
>Head home for more battlefield
>Decide to get Stoneybolony
>>674110429
You and me both
postede this few days ago but fuck it
>be me
>be 18
> broke up with gf, 4 months without sex
>tired of mastrubation, gotta try something new
>decide to tie up dick with shoe lace
>use shitload of lube, everything is 589321times more sensitive
>white layer of lube all over my dick (used handcream). cant see my fella turning blue
>about to cum
>cant untie shoelace
>orgasm.gif
>for 0,5second best feeling, but then armageddon strikes
>cant cum, feel like dick is torn apart
>suddenly blood pouring from my D
>cant untie that fucking lace
>run to kitchen to get scissors, freedom.mp3
>miliseconds after i cum on kitchen floor
>sperm mixed with blood on kitchen floor, my dick all blue
>what else could go wrong
>sister rushes kitchen to get some food
>sees me
>fuck_my_life.jpeg
>>674111339
Top kek
>>674111339
Lost
>>674109931
can anyone confirm safe?
>>674111801
Meh, don't download it then, just ask for specific ones. Also, you'll see there are only pictures there, even if it's an east-european domain.
>12 years old, 2001
>Young and horny, just started masturbating the previous winter
>Parents leave me home after I get home from school, they get in at 6
>All this free time to fap
>No fucking material to fap with
>Start going through my parents bedroom
>I was scared of getting caught, so I only do a drawer at a time and make sure I leave everything EXACTLY as I seen it
>3 weeks in to this, biggest reveal is mums panties (fapped) and a stash of condoms
>Get to that drawer that you sometimes see under the bed attached to the box thing the mattress sits on
>Back of the drawer are a bunch of video tapes all with blank labels with numbers on them
>Put one in in my bedroom, it's a homemade sex tape of my mom and dad
>Freakout, rewind it and put it back
>That night, the prospect of seeing tits and pussy, ANY tits and pussy overcomes me
>Next day, decide to pull sick day
>Parents are okay with me staying off
>Get parents VHS recorder and plug it in to my one which is set on record, so it copies whatever is playing on the first one on to the second one
>Record 3 of the tapes that day, but too paranoid of parents coming home to watch them while they're recording, literally sitting in silence incase they pull up
>Next day, pull another sick day, parents leave me home all day
>Fap all day to my mom sucking my dads dick, my dad fucking my moms face, ass, pussy, etc
>Keep tapes in cupboard
>This continues until I was 14
>26 now and feel very fucking weird about those 2 years where my fap material was my mom and dad
>>674111801
>>674112062
I opened, is safe, thanks based greentext saver
>>674107321
This literally made me MEHHHHHHHHHHHH. if ur gonna brag about fucking sluts do it properly like a man.
>be in love with the girl from the picture
>guy on the right is her boyfriend
>>674107628
>he's never see a vagina before
>>674112834
Kek
>>674098822
>be me, 15
>no one home
>be horny as fuck
>on couch with pants around ankles
>stroking my dick hard
>head is leaned back and just enjoying myself
>feel some sniffing at my sack
>oh shi my dog is scoping my package
>go to shoo her off
>before I can, feel the warmest, wettest tongue roll up my sack to the tip of my head
>overload.jpg
>brain shuts down and dog is lapping away at my cock
>I should stop but it's intense
>her paws are wrapped around the base like she's holding it up
>she is moving her face around, tentatively hitting every spot on my dick with that wide, firm tongue
>firm, wide strokes up and down my shaft
>they're warm, slow and agonizing
>I’m done at this point, my body is limp from being overwhelmed with pleasure
>she’s dragging her tongue across all the right spots
>head is leaned back again, all I can do it moan softly
>was already close
>she begins focusing on my head, probably because of pre
>the texture of her tongue combined with the pressure of it grinding against my head is too much
>hit my limit
>start dumping my load into her mouth
>she is lapping it up as fast as I'm producing it
>after a few moments my orgasm stops
>she laps at the head a few times more and then begins lapping at my sack
>almost feels like she is massaging my sack
>feelsfuckingamazing.gif
>I can't help myself
>pull her up on couch and hold and pet her
>tell her good girl, kiss her
>feel like a faggot with his first g/f
>couldn't care less
>give her the steak I didn't eat from last night
>end up on the couch cuddled with her the rest of the night.
>>674112834
she looks like from pokemon, he looks like from Bclass horror movie.. wtf nigga
>>674113105
so thats how anon got into beastlity
>>674113749
A happy accident
>>674106269
Phidippus audax right? I love jumping spiders too, always been one of my favorite animals. We have those guys in the Carolinas too. One of the biggest species of jumpers in the United States.
>>674102292
buceta_linda
> be me
> 19 y/o in uni
> pulling an all nighter, writing an essay in the study lounge
> a 6/10 asian chick studying in the room with me too
> she is an 9/10 because she's an engineering major
> she leaves
> i stay studying for another 2 hrs
> doesn't look like she's coming back
> whiteknight -- take her laptop and backpack so no one will steal it
> she comes back
> accused of stealing
>>674111339
Kek
>>674113105
Copy pasta
>>674115823
I wrote it originally, so no fucks given.
>>674104959
All that effort and no reply.
Was a nice read.
>>674114583
Feel that? That's what honesty feels like.
Learn your lesson? Gonna stop being a beta fuck "nice" guy?
>>674110356
dorm occurence? if i am hungry i dont give a shit if i droped it or not. not gonna wait another fucking 20 minutes! i m 28
>>674098822
Would you guys like to hear about the time my cousin jerked me off?
>>674117918
Sure anon
>>674117918
Sounds neat
>>674117918
obviously
>>674111339
Greentext of sisters reaction?
>>674099757
>>Smuggle poop to my desk and hide him in the drawer
>>674109931
File isn't working for me
>>674099957
congrats, femanon
>>674118654
But the virus is.
>>674118977
>>674118654
GOT EM
someone give me the name of OP's post im beggin ya
>>674103001
you should have placed nigglets in a washer and have them cleaned before cops get them.
>>674117987
>>674117918
>Be me 15
>Cousin 14
>My parents were having a party
>My cousin and I are playing vidya in my room
>She starts pushing and shoving me
>We're play fighting lightly now, just small slaps and kicks, nothing hard
>"Anon I bet I'm stronger than you, wrestle me"
>"Sure" I said back
>We start wrestling on my bed, she's wearing really short shorts and a tank top that was too tight for her (She had big boobs for her age, about size C cup)
>I get multiple feels of her pussy and tits through her clothes
>I'm hard now
>She notices that I'm rock solid while we're wrestling, she doesn't say anything
>My feeling of her is getting more and more frequent and she keeps letting me
>She starts quietly moaning every so often
>I know she's loving it and so am I
>I let her pin me, she sits on my face, oh boy I will never forget how that felt, at this moment my dick was pushing through my pants with the force of one thousand suns
>She notices it and says "Oh anon did you enjoy wrestling a little too much?" she giggles to herself a little bit.
>Cont?
>>674104614
OMG, he's looking at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(pic unrelated)
>>674104575
Do you have ravioli ravioli spaghetti underneath?
>>674104959
Shit nigga I'd read a future dystopia novel by you anyday. Keep it up.
>>674104959
Saved it.
Will email to a bunch of feminazis as soon as I complete the creation of a fake address.
>>674119485
>cont?
Fucking kill yourself you attention whoring fuck
>>674120078
But seriously though.
Cont.
>>674105806
>>674119485
Go on
>>674119485
>>674119485
>>674119485
>Obviously I can not answer as she's sitting on my face
>She starts teasing me by feeling it through my trousers, she was slowly stroking up and down the shaft
>She eventually pulls it out
>"Oh anon it's bigger than I expected"
>She takes off her pants and is now just sitting on me with her underwear on
>she then jerks me off slowly while she's still sitting on my face
>I cum all over her
>she then got up and said "this was fun we should do it again sometime"
>"Yeah definable"
>TFW 5 years later and we still haven't even spoke about it since
>>674120632
Not bad, I'm def straining my zipper but why didn't you eat that pussy?
>>674104575
boner-hiding-apparatus
family-b-as-fuck
hamplanet - but dat ending
leafblower mingun
>>674116032
>>674120020
>>674120058
Thanks ya'll, but I'm not takin credit. Just a copypasta classic.
fucking a
>>674108426
cool story bro -
you just fantasized about some old nerd b-movie
>>674120935
Because I was a faggot, I regret not doing it still.
>>674110179
>be me, hungry euroguy, roommates absent
>make spaghetti with beans
>fill the plastic plate
>drop accidentally on the dirty floor, no one sees
>eat everything, somewhat gross
>barely clean
>4 years later and still no illness - yay!!!
>>674120983
>>674120983
.
>>674120983
..
>>674120983
....
>>674122114
Still alive as well. I just ate the ramen with a little bit of dirt, dust, and hair. Whatever, was hungry and shit was good
>>674122017
Yeah, definitely should have grabbed her hips and pulled her down and ate that pussy hard core. Probably could have convinced her to go all the way if she came from it
>>674112834
Any more pics of her?
>>674121202
related
>be me
>in class before a test
>teacher says he will give anyone who get full marks 20 quid
>do test
>week later
>get results
>1 fucking mark of full fucking marks
>teacher take the piss barbecue he does not need to give me 20 quid
>>674119485
Cont pls
>>674122716
>just b urself dude
priceless ending
>High school
>This one toilet only locks halfway
>Everyone knows to not open it if it's closed
>Rubbing one out in there one day
>Bout to nut
>New geography teacher walks in
>10/10
>Jizz on her leg
>Expelled
And that's why I work in Walmart
>being whit my crush
> she says that grill would make me a good one
> FML
>>674103822
My head is yelling RUN NIGGA RUN
But my heart says stay
>be me
>13-14 years old
>have best friend my age
>spend almost every weekend at his dads place
>we were both horny boys craving to put our penises in girls pussies
>always talk about sex and good porns we have seen
>sometimes we would jerk off in the same room while watching same porn
>one night watching porn in his room at like 2 in the morning
>start talking about how good it would feel to get blown
>he says maybe we can try to do it just for the pleasure
>super horny cause of the porn and since ive seen his dick and jerked off in the same room, agree
>he says he will start
>i lay on my back in the bed while feet on ground
>he gets on his knees and puts my dick in his mouth
>feels amazing
>put hand on his head like in porn
>orgasm while hes sucking it
>didnt cum cause hadnt been hit by puberty yet.
Have some more stories if anyone interested
>>674115623
fucking kek'd
>>674124310
I'm already grinding my zipper, post away you lovable fag. Be a bit more vivid with the actual blowing?
I have a story about when I took some legal high in college if anyone cares? I got time to kill before work
>>674124707
>be me
>chilling outside with same friend
>riding bikes, sunny day , feeling good
>me and my friend see an abandoned construction site
>we go check it out
>mid finished abandoned house
>we go in a room with no windows
>friend says,wanna do that thing
>get instant boner
>ok
>he pulls down his pants
>semi hard penis,bigger than mine in lenght, but same girth
>it had these kind of bumps on the shft under the skin
>take it in one hand and start jerking it
>love the smell
>put it in my mouth
>use tongue and keep lips as wet as can
>put it in balls deep
>keep sucking
>he says ok my turn
>takes off my pants
>my dick was diamonds and hot as fuck
>he uses his tongue and deepthroats it
>after some time stops
>we jerk each other off untill both cum
>>674103822
his eyes are amazing what a qt3.14
>>674125746
His dick was shaped like a palm tree(girthier at the end of the shaft) with beautifull nuts hanging below it. And the bumps are also very hot in my opinion.these things happened like 5 years ago and i still remember that penis
>>674122527
>>674122384
>>674122452
>>674122477
Thank you anon, godspeed
>>674106269
Definitely the best. I remember having some as pets when I was a kid. Washington state.
>>674124707
Moar?
>>674124310
Very interested
>be me
>this morning, 4:15 AM
>dad wakes me up, asks why I have beastforum links on family tablet
>PANIC.jpg
>quickly say I saved them for my friend
>he says he wont tell mom if I delete them, leves room
>delete them plus the 180ish pics had saved
>be now
>both parents just got home
>dad hasn't said anything yet
I've never been this scared in my life
>>674108343
Anon, don't you realize that fucking your brother's girlfriend was your way of 'getting back at him' for dying? This release of anger WAS your emotional release.
>>674104575
can i get a double mint dave, eb, 4 years of cum, jizzrag mushroom and a wincest fail
>>674126698
>You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.
>>674126865
>>674126865
four years of cum wasn't posted here? I could've sworn
thread from this morning
>>674127391
who says i'm not 18 you nigger?
>>674126865
Oh, I DID post it: >>674109660
>>674124310
Reminds me of the stuff I used to do with my childhood friend. Pretty much same scenario
>spend days of summer watching porn
>get idea to pleasure each other since no girls
>take turns giving head until orgasm(no cum)
>do this many times a week for a couple of years
I remember we would 69 a lot but argue about who had to be on top.
>>674127637
That you care about what your father thinks about your porn.
>>674126865
5/5
>>674127607
realized its extremely shitty cropping
fixed
>>674127745
I dont give a fuck if they care, they've both seen the shit i have saved, i'm more worried if this is the final straw for them kicking me out
>>674128085
>still living with parents
K then.
>>674128018
kek, this sounds like something I'd say
>>674126620
>fast forward to 16 years old
>stoped doing gay things like that with old friend a while ago
>actually stpped being friends but not because of that(we atayed friends and sometimes jerked in the same room after those things)
>have other friens that was my beat friwns then
>same thing with the weekends, only no gay shit,only gerting drunk and high all the time
>one day me, my best friend and another friend get shitfaced
>decide to head to bed
>2 bedrooms
>one has a one peraon bed and the other has a two person bed
>best friend says other friend to sleep in other room
>we lay in bed
>me drunk as fuck start touching my dick under pants
>Friend doesnt seem to be giving a shit, since its no bigie and i sometimes even told him im going to jerk ofd in thr toilet
>weird i know
>anyway, i start talking about how i want my dick to get sucked
>looks at me also shitfaced
>ask him:dude please suck me off i cant take this hornyness
>i can see hes also getting horny, and say ill do the samefor him
>agrees but doesnt want to start
>i say lets start with jerking
>we lay next to each other and pull our dicks out
>his is much bigger
>dont mind, still very horny
>take his dick in my hand, feels kinda good and big
>we start jerking each other
>suddenly he kinda geta up,changes position and starts blowing me
>euphoria, grab his head, hes going down on me so good
>after some mins i tell him to stop and makehim lay down
>i swear to you i blowed that thick dick like i was a female pornstar or something
>loved the taste.
>he makes me stop
>i say, wait, lay down
>lays down
>i get in position for 69
>were both sucking each others dicks
>then he sucks my dick untill i cum and jerks off yo finish himsef
>>674128300
this thread was fucking gold man, hope someone screenshotted the rest of the greentexts
>>674127699
A more vivid story pleaee?
>>674128407
After this we never did anything,weve talked about it and he said he didnt regret it, id probably go for it now that im 18.but he has a girlfriend and probably would say no
>>674104959
>soma
Ha, nice touch
>>674125746
>>674128407
First was okay, second's devolving grammar ruined it.
Check mine out>>674109606
Yes, mine actually happened to me, and I post it on 4chan a lot
>>674111801
greentext story archve: ujeb dot se/Egaf7
>>674130103
asks for login to google account
10/10
she used a pump on it! haxors!
>be freshman
>bored at lunch
>find tard table
>one is playing with transformers
>I yell "WATCH OUT THERE'S A DECEPTICON"
>tard throws his toys across the cafeteria and screeches louder than 12 jet planes
>jumps on top of table flailing his arms and screaming
>trips on other tard's lunch tray, sending his food flying
>tard #2 goes into ultra giga tard mode
>charges at transformer tard
>tard 1 yells "URRR THA DECPTICORN!!!1!"
>tard 1 charges at tard 2
>by this time circle has formed around them
>tard 2 beats the shit out of tard 1
>tard 1 runs away wailing about how the autobots will return
>mfw when i never got in trouble
>mfw when the decepticons won
>>674099118
omg keg My fucking sides!!!!
IT>>674104959
Nice copy and paste. Read this before a few months ago, shitposter.
>>674131023
i just shit a little
>>674130308
bcs it's on my drive, shared from someone else....
>>674098822
>greentext
>>674122527
OH MY GOD FUCKING LOST IT AND DIED
>>674132487
I got wrong greentext
>>674108343
WE GOT A CODE TRIPLE FAT ASS WEABOO! TRYHARD TOXIC SHITPOSTER IN THE VICINITY! I REPEAT! TRYHARD TOXIC SHITPOSTER IN VICINITY! YOUR ONLY PROTECTION HERE ARE YOUR DANK MEMES!
>>674132487
Chills man
>>674112834
His dick must be huge
>taking bio test,teacher gives a bonus question
>"If you could meet any celebrity who would it be"
>answer Eminem because why not,turn in test
Forgot my teacher was gay
>next day teacher gives back test and he wrote "do you even listen to what he raps about?"
>Mfw I passed the yes due to the bonus question
>>674130308
ujeb dott se/rv0eT
zipped .
>>674133479
I don't listen to any rap, what's the connection there?
>>674134414
eminem basically would talk shit about gays in raps
>>674131023
Oh god my sides.
>>674134695
Oh, gotcha.
I guess you could say the teacher was
*puts shades on*
A little butthurt
Rerolling 123
>>674101802
thanks
>>674134918
lmao
>>674098822
fuck greentext, but im pretty sure i used to fuck that girl OP.
she'd come over sometimes while her boyfriend was away after school.

once the door would close she'd almost instantly get naked. most times she'd put on her favorite song and start sucking. then she would cry. her tears and makeup would drip down her face onto my dick. its surprising how cold tears are. eventually i finally asked her what was wrong. in between licks she told me that her favorite song was also her bfs favorite song. so even though she loved hearing it and it totally got her pussy wet, it also made her think about the fact that she was cheating on her boyfriend. i dont think i ever came harder down somebodies throat then right after she told me that. she was beautiful. we dont hang out anymore. wanna get lunch?

this was the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvNmDqkHir8
>>674128407
Man I used do shit like that with an old friend in like grade 2 and 3.
>>674124310
Since we're going full gay
>every summer spend weeks at grandparents camper at this beach campground
>really nice and secluded, community knows each other pretty well but people come and go
>be probably 11-12, just hit puberty the summer before, so maybe 13 at the latest
>make friends with guy a few years older at the campground pool (it was actually better than crossing the street to the beach since people from out of town would crowd and shit the place up).
>asks if I want to go back to his camper
>just the two of us
>asks if I want to watch a porno, never seen one other than some photos on the internet, obviously say yeah
>puts a tape in, takes all his clothes off, and sits on the couch
>tells me to do the same
>was already in my swim trunks so didn't think much of it
>one of those pornos where there's a lot of buildup, we're already jerking
>without any warning he reaches over and rubs my thigh, then grabs my hand and puts it on his dick, guides me to jerk him off
>he's not paying attention to the movie
>reaches over and fondles my balls while I fap, feels really good
>tells me to straddle him
more?
Gay Story:
>Be me
>Be a month or 2 ago
>Skype chatting with my gay friend
>He's 17, call him W (I'm 17 too)
>"brb, I'm gonna shower." -W
>As a joke I say "pics" and go to shower too
>Get snapchat
>Mirror selfie, the beginning of his shaft showing at the bottom
>Send him one back, getting chubbed
>Both of us 6/10-ish
>He sends another back, showing more shaft
>I do the same
>He sends one from above, showing everything
>Good size, must be 5.5" chubbed
>Reply with my own erect penis, ~5.5"
>Goes back and forth
>Eventually send videos of ourselves jerking it
>Keep going till we cum
>Still doing this whenever we shower at the same time
>No one besides him knows I'm gay
>>674107214
Yer doing gods work anon.
>be me
>17 at an Of Montreal show with a female friend we'll call her girl 1
>her friend (girl 2) couldn't get a ticket to the sold out show but we agreed to roll together
>we decide to save them for afterwards
>show is over and we go to her friend's house
>all 3 of us pop pink dolphins
>smoke some weed and cigarettes
>45 minutes later rolling.exe
>whisper to girl 2 we should start nibbling on girl 1's ear in 3,2,1...
>she's fucking loving it
>we take turns doing the same thing to each other
>clothes come off
>roll, smoke, and fuck till 8AM
>her dad knocks on the door
>girl 1 and I hide under the covers
>her dad asks "have you been smoking cigarettes in here?"
>girl 2 says yes, her dad says she needs to smoke out side and closes the door
>mfw
>>674137348
Reminds me of my gay roommate in Uni, right after high school.
>summer after high school move to the city to go to Uni, nobody I know, end up with gay roommate
>don't care that he's gay, he assumes I am and is flirty when we first meet, eventually he asks and I tell him I'm not after the first few weeks
>but got very comfortable with him acting flirty, and it kinda turned me on when he'd make comments about me when I was coming back from the shower or changing
>late one night watching porn with laptop muted, have a privacy screen pulled over my bunk
>he hears me grunting, asks if I'm okay, obviously knows what I'm doing
>ask him if he wants to help
>he pulls back the screen, crawls onto bed and takes my cock in his mouth
>sucks me off
>after that we jerk off together a few times, then jerk each other off a few more times
>after doing jello shots we decide to go all the way
>>674136620
youre so fucking gay
keep going
>>674098822
I wanna marry that bitch
Dear god send more
>>674138243
so tell us about going all the way. You fuck his ass or what?
>>674104422
Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer; Sharpie in the PooPer;
>>674127479
I met a doublemint dave at a factory a while back.
>>674138320
Glad you liked.
>>674136620
>straddle him, our cocks touching, he strokes us off together
>I'm holding onto his shoulders and humping him, breathing really heavy, cock feels like I'm going to burst any second
>his dick is significantly bigger than mine, like probably twice the size, plus he's like 17-18
>end up cumming, hard, all over his belly and chest
>panting like I just ran a marathon
>mind is in a daze, he's groping me, squeezing my ass cheeks and pulling me tight against him, cums on my belly
>we wipe ourselves off, go to one of the campground shower rooms to clean off
>he pulls me into his stall
>we're in there naked for a while just sort of touching each other, then he asks me if I want to try something new, has me get down on my knees
>puts his cock in my mouth and starts sliding it in further
>sitting there in the shower just letting it happen, end up touching myself while it happens
>when he finishes he doesn't warn me, cums right in my mouth, I spit it up and freak out, he tells me to calm down and we'll go back to his camper and get something to get rid of the taste
>it's his fathers liquor
>>674139644
>]
Rolling 123
Rerolling final
>>674098822
>be me 18
>medfag first year of college
>pass superhard test so i can study in the college
>canseedeadbodysnow.jpg
>first class of anatomy theme femenine reproductive system
>wat
>pussyology 101
>go in to the table with other 10 students and 3 teacher
>see a severed pelvis with no legs and belly only pussy green and with formaldehyde smell
>teacher says that we have to put a finguer on it and passes around in the table
>think to my self that im glad that thats not the first cunt i touched
>all of us sitck it in except extremely hot 9/10 blue eyes blonde curch girl i know
>purposfully said to teacher that she didnt do it so i just can see it
>teacher force her to do it
>kek
>later that night cant sleep thinking that the sample has more than 40 year in the college and has been fingered atleast 300 by different people over 40 years
>>674138751
He fucked me, I enjoyed it, it's confusing.
>we get drunk and decide to fuck, he has lube, we lock the door and cut the lights down, watch some porn together
>I was drunk so I couldn't cum, plus it was really tight inside his ass, just uncomfortable and awkward
>but my cock is really hard and after having me inside of him, so is he
>asks if I want to bottom
>after sucking him off a few times the idea has turned me on before, end of lying on the bed with him on top of me
>applies a ton of lube, goes slow until he's all the way in, we're stuck like that for a while, scared to move, until he just starts thrusting
>feels fucking amazing
>I actually start moaning
>he realizes too late he's gonna cum, if he pulls out too quick it's gonna hurt, he stays inside me and cums in my ass
>lying on bed with him on top of me, so fucking satisfied
>I came from getting fucked but couldn't cum from fucking him
>that whole night opened up my sexuality
I used to work in a grocery store deli. I try to put the bad times behind me but I'll resurrect the memories fot you anons.
>be me
>18, legal boipussi
>completely unrelated
>friend from elementary got me this shit job
>unrelated but that friend is exfriend now and a pedo
>what a world
>everyone in deli is pretty chill
>in this first year of my majoring in retail job not many bad customer
>worst problems were 'this pot is not hot' the autist and his bitchass dad
>and creepy gay fat guy
>not hot pot the autist came in roughly an hour after i took out the soups.
>Touched the pot container and said its not hot
>his dad is a douchebag
>eventually i found the easiest way to move the soups was to bend over and push them onto the counter on the otherside.
>least work, many efficiency
>oneday i think im being watched
>pic related level fatfuck is watching me bend my cute boy ass over to put soup away
Ineedashower.gif
>>674101737
Female spiders tend to be bigger than males.
>>674107133
>fells
>Be me
>It's the Summer of 2012, chilling at a friend's apartment
>Small one bedroom apartment in a shitty neighbor with 5 people all living in it
>Everyone's been drinking beers, Jack Daniels, & Rum
>I'm playing TF2 on a friend's laptop since I'm a poorfag, and can't afford a computer
>owner of laptop (We'll call him "K") asks me to get off laptop so he can play Skyrim
>I finish my CTF match on Turbine, and hand the laptop to K
>K is pretty fucking drunk, places laptop on couch next to him while he slams down another beer
>One of his house mates starts fucking around, roughhousing with K
>This happens regularly, it just the dumb shit they do for fun
>K starts beating the shit out of drunken house mate on the couch
>Me, being mindful, moves K's laptop & charger onto a chair that's close by
>Goodguygreg.png
>Charger cable is still plugged into laptop
>K and drunk ass roomie are now wrestling on floor, kicking and screaming
>K kicks the chair with the laptop on it
>The laptop falls off the chair, and lands DIRECTLY on the charger port with the charger still plugged in
>The laptop casing cracks around the charger port, causing the charger to no longer work properly
>Ohshit.jpeg
>K immediately gets pissed, asking who the fuck moved the laptop
>I explain that I did so to prevent the laptop getting destroyed by their dumbass antics
>K is pissed, but eventually calms down
>K wants me to pay for the damages since I moved the laptop into harm's way
>I explaiin that he's the one who fucked up, not me
>Doesn't matter, I was the last one who touched it
>Again, I'm a poorfag, I can't afford to pay the money
>We work out an agreement, and I give him some Xbox 360 games as payment because I'm beta as fuck
>All seems well from there, we hang out a few more times, everything seems cool
Continued.
>>674141360
>the lady's hat just kinda clipping when she leans
y tho
>>674141604
>fastforward to a few days into 2014
>I just finished a shitty temp job working in a freezer 14 hours a day moving, unboxing, and tubbing 90-pound boxes of frozen ham everyday for 2 weeks, working until Christmas Day
>I'm sick with Pnumonia or some shit from doing all of this in a freezer that's fucking 10 Degrees Farenheit
>Get a fatass paycheck in the mail
>Cash the check
>Moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymotherfucker
>Get a text 2 days later
>It's K
>"Hey buddy. Just reminding you that you still owe me"
>I respond back with: "K, what are you talking about?"
>"The laptop you broke, anon"
>"K, we sorted this shit out. You took like, 5 of my Xbox Games"
>"My laptop is still fucked up. You owe me."
>"Well, I can toss you $35 for the repairs."
>Again, I'm beta as fuck
>"No anon. The way I see it, it'll take $15 for the shipping cost, and $50 for the repairs, but since you took so long, $100 will do."
>You'refuckingkiddingme
>"I'll see if I can come up with the money."
>"I know you will anon. If you can't, I'm sure you have some stuff in your house that's pretty expensive that might go missing."
>K stops texting me after that
>This nigger is trying extort me for $100, threatening to rob my house if I don't pay
>Oh HELL NO
>Call up a friend who's into kind of into the counterfeit money trade
>Pay the friend $15 for a counterfeit $100
>Sitting in my room with this fake money
>I start coughing and sneezing into the fake hundred, and I wait for it to dry off
>I call up K, and tell him I have the money
>K comes by and takes the money
>I'm still pissed that he tried to extort me for shit, so I take it one step further.
>>674141838
>K is a manwhore, and fucks multiple girls despite having a girlfriend
>I leave an anonymous text message on K's Girlfriend's Phone using a friend's phone telling her the she's being cheated on
>Months pass by, and no word from K
>I later find out K Got sick, lost his job from abscense of work
>K also got kicked out of the apartment once his girlfriend found out that she's been cheated
>K attempted suicide, and failed, and now lives with his family
And that's the tale of how I ruined someone's life.
>>674141672
>lady
>not Peggy
just kill yourself retard
>>674142186
i don't watch television much m8
>>674109212
>how i feel about being a CDR
Had to babysit an LT last weekend. Millenials...
>>674140777
Fuck yeah i got trips.
>be me
>19
>year 2 of my 3 year tenure at shitjob
>we got this dumbass blond druggy guy, gonna call him druggi out of hatred.
>christmas time :D
>bos gives us christmas hats
I forgot to mention that my definition of time and years here is based on school time, i got hired in like july
>my christmas hat is so fucking awesome
>warm feelins when kids call me santa
>druggo bitches and moans about being "forced" to wear a santa hat.
>the night progresses, im falling behind in my work because we're split
>2 people on coldcuts and sammiches
>1 person on hot and baked foods
>im hot foods
>insert innuendo
>hot foods has 500 times more dishes to do
>ask cold side, hey can you help me out
>druggo and bitch coworker say no, they already did their work and they can just laze around now
Allnyfuckingwat.jpeg
>supposed to be done hotside by 8, Not even close to done
>bitch coworker on her way out
>she always left an hour early
>lol do you need some help anon?
>tell her to go home. Anger levels rising
>druggo is talking to some friends
>against employee policy
>overhear him bitch to friends about hats again blame me
>managers gone, fuck coulda gone back to his old hat. But weedlmao
>finish night alone, 2 hours over my finish time
>leave note on managers desk
>go home and angerfap
>manager talks to druggo and my life is suddenly easier.
Druggo got fired some time later. Store owner caught him on cam, he flipped over a trash can and ate a pie in the deli. Not on break. Dumbass.
>>674106908
i used to find these fuckers in my neighbors' garden all the time
>>674098822
puffy vagina
>>674139763
>we drink a bit, first time taking shots, he laughs at how naive I am
>we're standing at the small kitchen counter in his dad's camper, kinda cramped
>he's taking more shots than me
>at one point he's pressed up right behind me, feel his bulge through his trunks
>he pours me a shot and as I'm taking it I feel him pulling my trunks down and rubbing his cock against my ass
>just freeze and let him hump my ass cheeks for a minute or so
>puts his hands on my shoulders and feel him rubbing his cock around my ass
>just about that time someone's at the door
>pull our pants up real quick
>it's his dad, who is already drunk, gives us this really weird look like he knows, then goes to the front of the camper and closes the door
>new friend tells me to go but come back later
>go to the beach and swim around, keep getting really hard looking at girls and boys swimming
>one lady sees me watching her son, who is a year or so younger than me, and notices my hardon when I stand up
>I freak out and leave, go back to my camper and watch TV for a while
>see new friend walking around later, go out and talk to him, guess he was looking for me
>his dad's at the camper drinking, we can't do anything at my camper because of my grandparents, and too many people at the pool
>it's getting dark
>walk across the street and cross the dunes to the beach, there are a few people out but you can't see shit unless you're right up on them
>we lie down on the sand, he turns me on my side and slides my trunks down again
>rubs his cock between my ass cheeks
>Me be about 14
>Always thought about my new step-sister
>She was easily a 6/10 no that hot but eh why not
>Always jerked to her at night
>next day i find out she knew and told her mom and her mom told my dad
>Dad was fine with it he said "a boy does what a boy does"
>her mom was pissed but i still did it everynight
>i didnt want to fuck just eat her out (keep in mind i was about 14/15 so i was always horny as fuck)
>One night i gained the balls to go ahead and ask her for noooooods since i was at my moms house, she gave them (okay but didnt make my dick diamonds)
>Next time i went over about 2 months after she sent them i talked to her here and there
>got there to find my dad and her mom had left and it was just me and her
>she asked if i liked the noooooodz i said hell yeah and asked if i could eat her out
>i was scared shitless but when she said yes i ripped her pants off and did it
>havent talked about it ever since now that im 17 and shes like 16
I just had a vivid emotional dream.
>same year or sometime near
>for someone reason the backyard to my house is the interior of a mall or bus depot.
>my grandpa, dressed in shorts and a dinner jacket is waiting to pick up "something" that his favorite author is dropping off in a suitcase.
>he says it's the second of the same item.
>All of a sudden my mom starts verbally harassing me because I didn't get something that was right behind her.
>whole family is suddenly in my house/bus depot
>everyone screaming and I try to calm everyone down because "I'm here because I love gpa and this author too so why can't we be happy for supporting him"?
>on my to go downstairs
>mom is lying down on the dishwasher
>overhear gpa tell my aunt that she shouldn't send me to God camp.
> I stop and yell-
>"God camp!? Are you fucking serious, I don't believe in that stupid shit."
>my aunt says whole family has been planning it and she's now yelling at my grandpa for letting it out.
>I run downstairs and for some reason I come back up with a bowl of soup. Meaty and orange.
>I head outside saying "just because you're afraid to die doesn't me I need..."
>cousin laughs "pfft it's not that..."
>aunt says "we don't want you to end up in jail."
>i walk right up to my aunt and cousin (her daughter) and scream at her
Note I enunciated and bowed forward every time i said something I thought was important.
"JAIL!? Yeah let me go buy some FUCKING HEROIN and WEED and have some FUCKING SIX paper FUCKING JOINTS and that'll send me to jail."
>aunt says that's stupid
"STUPID??? I'm working a job that pays $27.50 and hour THAT'S STUPID..."
>cousin quietly interjects "yeah, stupid..."
"I'll make 40K A YEAR OH THAT'S STUPID!"
>cousin says "yeah, stupid..." again
Wake up.
>>674142028
very good that guy deserve that
>>674143647
You perverts still reading?
>>674142813
>be me
>20 now
>year 3
>a lot of things happened.
>fat dyke motorbiker scammed my two junior coworkers out of $7 of meat
>i made a friend in the hellhole
>it comes out that my friend from post 1 is a pedo and has assaulted two minors.
>co manager quit and we are left with team mom manager.
>in no specific order horrible events like
>team mom lets 90% of our workers take march break off, 1 person didnt come in and fucked us over
>get this fat dyke coworker who hates my guts and i hate her guts, harasses me alot
>we got this new coworker that lasted 2 weeks
>call her princess, princess was a bratty 16 year old.
>in my first meeting, me and delichick(friend) are playful with eachother like platonic good friends
>princess thinks she can do the same
>the fuck are you doing bitch. She comes up later and says she'll stop if i pay her $3
Areyouforrealnigga
>tell her to fuck iff
>spends most of her shift a) not working, b) not in the deli or c) begging me or other coworker to use their phone
>delichick gone when my shift started
>princess's bf chucked her phone in a rage or something
>tell her no, tell gentle giant coworker not to help her
Iveseenthesecreaturesbefore
>he does anyway,
>next time he says no, warned ya m8
>big bitch fit over it
>later, doing my hotside dishes like post 2, im supposed to leave soon
Notwithallthisshit
>she dumps dishes in sink
>lol anon can you do these for me as a favor i dont wanna stay late
>ask if she ever returns her favors?
>she tries to get in my face saying what like some angry nigger.
>shes a white dwarf. Fucking kek
>basically she is hated by all coworkers over 2 weeks, gets fired but cries and gets a cushy bakery job.
>which she quits after a week when her bfs contract is up.
>>674099957
Making quiche, see spider, drop quiche! spider is tomato stalk :/
>>674144502
sure
>be me
>be in eighth grade
>at home one day
>have to piss really bad
>all bathrooms in house are taken
>my backyard's is surrounded by bushes, very private
>fuckthisshit.jpg
>decide to go outside and piss
>nothing can describe my relief as the yellow liquid flows for a good 2 minutes
>it's spring
>mosquitos are everywhere
>one of those little shits lands on the bottom of my dick
>next day at school my dick begins to itch
>relieve it by simply moving my legs up and down while sitting
>I get to English class, 6th period
>fine until halfway through class when my dick starts to itch like hell
>can't help it
>places my hand and starts to scratch the bottom of my dick
>starts to get hard
>the itching keeps getting worse
>I scratch it even harder
>suddenly I climax for the first time ever
>I try to hold in my want moan
>end up making a loud ass grunt
>look up
>the whole class is staring at me
>they saw everything
>learned later what I had actually done
>get called to principal's office next day
>have to explain whole story
>police literally have to come in and inspect my dick to make sure I'm telling the truth
>they find out I was
>found out that my teacher had to tell the fucking class the whole damn story so I don't get charged with a crime
>everyone called me Rudolph the red-pecker reindeer for the rest of the year
>I hated school and was depressed
>but I least I know how to masturbate now
>>674146294
kek'd
>>674143647
>he's hot dogging my ass while giving me a reach around, I'm in his arms just letting it happen
>feel him trying to fit his cock in my ass
>his tip presses against the entrance, can't get it in because I'm too tight
>he's frustrated and horny, lies back and I kneel between his legs, suck him off
>hear some gasping from nearby
>two teenage girls walking by are standing there watching us
>we all freeze
>they stay there watching
>he puts his hand on my head and guides me back down on his cock, keep sucking while they watch
>before he finishes he warns me, finishes by jerking off looking at them, they giggle and leave
>we go back to the campground, head to his camper, his dad has some people outside grilling and drinking
>go back to showers instead
>go inside the stall together, take off our clothes, he bends me over and tries using the water as lube
>manages to get inside me
>hurts and I am suddenly not cool with this
>he keeps going further
>really starting to hurt but also I'm getting really hard and my body is getting really hot
>he gets his entire shaft in, feel his balls against my ass, I'm hyperventilating
>starts fucking me
Heres some faggotry for this faggotry
