Looking for god-tier autism stories, I'll do mine first.
>be me
>12 years old, just starting high school
>school does swimming carnival
>despite taking swimming lessons as a kid I swim like a limbless amputee
>happy to just chat to random fuck wits all day
>the school has these four teams who all compete to win
>you get 5 points for winning, 1 for just finishing
>house captain on my back for two fucking hours
>"If you compete just once ill stop asking you"
>decide to just signup for whatever is next
>its backstroke
>fuck I'm shit at backstroke
>FF to the comp
>standing on side of pool hoping to not fuck up
>at least 200 people watching
>jump in, swim with eyes closed cause i'm actually that cancerous at backstroke
>smash head into something
>think I just won
>throw hands up in celebration and open my eyes
>literally not even halfway and everyone else is already finishing
>some random lifeguard appears and starts encouraging me
>"you can do it, just keep going"
>"mate, its not happening"
>get out of pool right there
>everyone's looking at me
>fuck off to cry in the bathrooms cause im that much of a pussy
>mfw everyone brought it up for the next 4 years
>mfw no amount of bleach can help me forget
>mfw i didn't even get the point cause i never finished
Will wire excessively large amounts of money to whoever thinks they can top that.
>>672137847
OK I'll play
>be me 6 y/o beta fag
>thought hey why would I take my duck out at the toilet when I could take it out now
>pull down trousers take 2 inch dick out
>girls laugh don't know what they're laughing at
>teacher sees me expels me
>kids at new school find out about it call me small dick tim until 6th grade
>I now wanna kill myself
>be me
>be on 4chan
you guys dont have ultra bad stories c'mon.
Everyone has those in their lifes. dont make a big deal out of it... I would even go as far as to say you can joke about it to the people that know. If you own the situations they wont use it to make fun of you.
For me its a bit similar but my stories are just about stupid mistakes, my friends used to always fuck with me using them against me and stuff... now I just moke jokes about my own fuckups. Honestly man life isn't so bad if you take things lightly... thats the only important thing. TAKETHINGS LIGHTLY
>>672139203
YOU FUCKING NORMAL FAGS GET THE FUCK OF MY BOARD REEEEEEEEE3EEEÊ
>>672137847
Bumping for autism
> be chubby awkward 18 year old
> somehow actual cute girl at work likes me
> sits with me at lunch everyday I would never ask for her number but she finally takes my phone and takes my number down
> we start to text but I'm autistic and never texted a girl before
> text her those weird faces with every text like...
> ;3
> xD
> c:
> also say 'lol' a lot
> she eventually stops replying
> stops going to the same lunchroom as me
> never see or here from her again
> at least I learned how not to act like a retard when texting a girl I guess
>>672140299
Might not have been the smileys or lol that made her stop texting you. Might have been the lack of interest portrayed by you. Still tho, ya blew it.
>>672140299
spaghetti hard
> be awkward 19 year old working at six flags
> become friends with the little work group
> one of the girls actully likes me
> cute scene girl...when scene was a thing
> look her up on MySpace and end up saving some of her pictures to my phone
> one day at work have phone sitting out playing music while working
> she being playfull steals my phone and goes through it
> sees saved pictures of her
> she pretended not to notice but she was creeped out
> gets herself moved to another part of the park
> never see her again
>>672140639
My thoughts exactly.
>15
>girl calls me wants to hang out
>her name is vicki, she is from the public school near my private school. we know some people in common
>she is pretty cute
>I ask some guys about her, they say she like to spit up in the air and catch it in her mouth
>never call her back
>find out later they were joking
>never have a girl call me again
>>672142361
>go to stuck up private school
>public school kids get out early, walk by and make fun of us
>me and friends decide to hang out next day and "rumble"
>I bring a wrench
>it is like a size 12 wrench. like.. its 4 inches long
>i dont know why, but I heard you bring a wrench or something to a fight so you can hit hard
>other friends are weirded out I brought wrench
>we wait 2 minutes then go home
>>672142036
pretty cringe, sorry to read that
>>672137847
i almost blew up my room with 240 volts and a shit tonne of sparklers
can greentext if asked to
>>672142361
>>672142546
private school cont.
>walking home in uniform
>stupid friend starts yelling at some kids down the block
>"hey skater joe!"
> friend walks down different street
> 5 minutes later tough kids skate over to us
>"wtf you call me?"
>uh nothing?
> "bullshit I'm gonna fuck you up"
> (try not to shit pants )
>they push me and skate away
> later that night run into them again at baseball game
> guys name is joslin, and he got kicked out of school for knifing someone
> he walks up to me and kids are chanting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT"
>I say "I can't fight my dad is watching"
> skater :"oh ok"
> they turn around and leave
> I go cry and people make fun of me for years because I lied and said my dad was there
>>672142828
>ask girl out when 12
>we go out for like a week
>she dumps me because I never do anything, and don't talk to her, I'm basically scared of her
>after she dumps me I call her up and ask
>would you have let me fingerbang you
>she just hangs up on me
>feelings hurt.. I was just asking
>find out years later her dad was in witness protection, used to be Mafia
>glad I didn't get to fingerbanger her
>>672142036
tbh, we've all done things similar. You just got caught. Bet she learned a thing or two about public profiles, though. Ya did her a favor.
>>672143081
>move to new grade school in 3rd grade
>have no friends
>literally make dirt piles by myself
>do this whole year
>teachers want to hold me back because they think I'm retarded
>4th grade
>make a friend
>spend night at his house
>I tell him
>want to try something fun?
>I pull down his pants and start sucking his dick
>he doesn't like it
>next day he tells his dad
>on Monday he tells everyone at school
>kids call me pervert and hit me and shit
>no idea where I learned about giving head. was probably molested or something
>everyone hates me
>move to new school for 5th grade
>>672143294
>>want to try something fun?
>>I pull down his pants and start sucking his dick
did not see that coming.
>>672143294
>5th grade
>new school
>everyone has already started kissing and stuff
>and everyone has boyfriend girlfriend
>too scared to ask anyone out
>2 cutest girls in class come up to me
>Do you like Mounds or Almond Joy
>I know the joke, but am nervous and say it wrong
>uh..uh...a...a..lmond..joy
>they laugh at me and say I like nuts
>people call me a fag
>>672137847
I'm in
>be 10
>already given up on being popular
>everyone in class playing runescape
>i play along too, but i'm way behind everyone else
>someone hacks my account
>i call a friend of mine, crying and snotting, fucking accusing him of stealing my account
>he's totally cool about it
>"dude no, I wouldn't do that"
>cry myself to sleep
Can't look that guy in the eyes ever again.
(Got my account back literally a day later, and the hacker had bought membership and done dragon slayer for me tho)
Story 2
>be 13-15
>be a horny, lonely autist
>add nearly everyone on my school level to my facebook
>randomly text girls
>"hey dude guess wh" "oh shit, wrong person"
>wait till they respond
>go "sup tho?"
Fucking shoot me.
>be 14
>have gf over after school
>can't do anything because me is home and can't shut door
>decide we're gonna go down to the creek for a dip
>in water nailing her for about 2 mins
>feel something on nuts
>OH SHIT!!!
>it's a leach
>spend about 5 mins trying to get it off
>go home and show parents
>dad grabs my dick to pull leach off
>anon's dick is greasy
>mom sniffs my dick
>he was wearing a rubber
>sit me and girl on couch and have sex talk
>never see girl again
>>672143538
>no one likes me, and I guess that is ok
>go to school shop and spend money on these erasers that go on back of pencil
>I stack them to make longer erasers
>build giant chain of erasers
>think I'm cool as shit and stuff
>one day, mom encourages me to talk to girls
>so I bring my chain of erasers to cute girl and give to her
>"wtf is this anon"
>its a super eraser
>"please leave me alone"
>take mega eraser back to desk and try to hide tears
>mom asks me how it goes
>lie and say I have girlfriend now
>mom is very proud of me
>tells all her friends "ANON HAS A GIIIIRLFRIEND"
>girl's mom finds out
>tells my mom her daughter is scared of me and thinks I'm weird
>mom yells at me for embarrassing her
>want to die
>>672143596
>go "sup tho?"
playa..
>>672143596
>"sup tho?"
>>672143858
Sometimes I meet these girls on the street. It's all about that light cigarette, nod, smile, walk away, mentally hang myself game then.
>>672143787
>>672143538
>>672143294
>>672143081
>>672142828
>>672142546
>>672142361
Stop trying and kill yourself, anon
>be 15
>horny as fuck
>faps in school whenever there is an opportunity
>was during english class
>classmate asked where I was going
>"masturbate in toilet"
>goes toilet and start fapping furiously
>friend jumps over cubicle and seriously saw me fapping
>laughs and tell the whole class including teacher
>whole class laughs including teacher
>spread to other class within a day and everyone laughs
>crush hears my fap story
>fuckmylife.exe
>disturbance followed in like niagara falls
>decided to counter attack by admitting i fapped in the toilet and enjoyed it
>people cant joke about something i enjoyed
>escaped 1 year of shame
>people
>>672143724
>mom sniffs my dick
>he was wearing a rubber
>>672143986
jesus I used to do that. worst is when they smile at me, and I know I have that little opening to say something, but just freeze, and then moment is gone and walk away.
>>672143724
>>mom sniffs my dick
what now?
>>672144169
You know that latex smell?
>>672144276
>mom sniffs my dick
Are you retarded, nigger ?
>>672144276
mom has smelled enough rubber to justify
mom is a fuckin detective
>>672144276
you know exactly what i was talking about you fucking autist
>>672143724
you have very strange parents.
>>672139171
>cringed
>go on date with girl
>wake up in middle of night
>mom is sniffing my dick
>get grounded next day since it smells like rubber
>feelbad.jpg
>don't tell her I was fucking my fleshlight
>Go on date
>Girl takes me to rubber factory for nice evening
>wrap penis in saran wrap so mom won't smell rubber
>wake up in middle of night
>tfw mom sniffs dick, but doesn't know you went to rubber factory
>>672144276
This faggot is still a major autist.
Fresh new asp story i remembered
>be 17
>at loud rich kid party
>host brings a friend from another part of the country
>she's wicked fucking cute
>she takes a liking to me, starts pouring me a lot of wine
>get smashed
>"anon, let's go on an adventure!"
>shit okay
>go to abandoned greenhouse and look around
>i steal a faucet to commemorate the moment
>we walk somewhere else
>lie down outside of a house, behind a hedge
>we fuck
>best fuck of my life
>after we're done, we have a kind of warm moment
>feel really happy
>go back to party
>everyone smirking and shit "anon? did you just do what i think you did?"
>get home
>school two days later
>"anon, i know you fucked my friend. She's cute no?"
>fuck yes
>"she told me you forgot to ask her number."
>fuck shit
>she gives me the girl's number
>i text her immediately
>she seems interested for a while
>she stops texting me, i keep texting
>after like a month of one sided texting, she calls me
>"fucking stop, anon. I was only getting you drunk to get a quick fuck."
>feelsbad
She recently contacted me again, but I'm afraid to respond. Hlp.
>>672145205
Lol
>be me 7
>leaving school
>decide to climb wall
>wall is to high
>start pulling my self up and down repeatedly
>feelsgood.jpg
>whole school watching
>I came
>Go home
>Next day placed in special ed
>mfw I dry humped a wall and got put in special ed
>>672142036
dumb bitch
>intrudes your privacy
>is creeped out when she realizes she's shitty at keeping her own stuff private
>>672143596
holy shit that is cringy... did you ever get a date like that?
>>672143294
I must have been molested or something too because i did something similar in the second grade
>>672145226
Contact her if you want your best fuck of your life v2.0.
>>672145330
Actually, I got a girlfriend like that. But it was toned down as fuck, as I had realized how autistic I was before.
>>672143724
Saved pic
>>672137847
>>672145226
that was a rape bro
>>672145226
dont be a faggot and be in it for the free fucks
>>672142646
Go fuck yourself faggot
>>672145616
fuck it, I'm braving up right fucking now.
>>672145411
well it fucking worked, good job anon
>>672145719
you do that, come back and greentext it if it all goes to shit
>>672145340
for real? you ever think about how the fuck you knew sucking dick was "fun" or "felt good"?
>be me 11 years old
>somehow attracted to another girl from my class
>going to visit her together with a friend at her home
>prepare by making a timetable of my week
>like "monday 2pm-4pm soccer training" and so on
>my logic back then: if she knows the times i am available, she can suggest a time for a date or something (also kind of bragging over all the interesting stuff i'm doing)
>bring this timetable when we visit her
>too akward to give it directly to her, friend is also present all the time
>activate ninja mode and hide it under her pillow
>next day in school she asks me whether that's my week plan and why i put it there
>deny everything even though she's 100% sure
>never talk to her again
>two years later puberty hit like a train and she went from mildly attractive to completely disgusting
>>672145276
this is A grade
>>672145226
>She recently contacted me again, but I'm afraid to respond. Hlp.
afraid of what. get on that pussy.
>>672146013
being molested makes up some fucked up brain chemistry and train of thought
>>672145881
Dynamite isn't a martial art.
>>672146300
not the anon who wrote that
but i think anon means shes probably pregnant
someone save the rubber shit pls
>>672146798
You fucking autist
>>672146798
if she is, get some free fucks, then dna test, then leave,,,,,,,
>>672143538
What's the joke?
>>672146990
tsitua gnikcuf uoY
>k
>gf lying on me head resting on chest
>munching away on a piece of chewing gum
>start saying something
>notice the gum drifting out of my mouth
>try to close mouth, its to late
>look down in horror to see the gum on her hair
>start laughing
Long story short, had to cut out a few of her hair
She wasnt even mad, i just cringe thinking about it
>>672142036
That's pretty fucked
>>672147015
I wouldnt if the bitch said all she wanted to do was get him drunk and fuck then no.
Shes probably going to slap anon with fucking child support and dump a bunch of bills on him, and even if he does have the text messages the court is still gonna pick her.
fuck that, this bitch used anon.
>tldr; bitch wants child support although she could care less about anon other than a quick fuck
>>672145226
there >>672147447
>>672147285
you have a chill gf.
>>672143294
Goddamn that shits funny
>>672147447
>this bitch used anon.
lol she just wanted to fuck, no strings attached. how would you react if he would have wanted 'no strings attached' and she wanted to cling?
>>672147743
Not that, it's the fact she's going to use him for money because she decided to have a quick fuck.
>>672147285
Replace "gum" with "cum"
>>672137847
I feel ya, I hate competetive swimming
>me 18 beta virgin
>get a good job after graduation buy mustang
>ballin
>see qt 17 ive liked for 4 years
>she asks me to take her for a ride in the stang
>we drive around a little and flirt but she has to go to work
>drop her off, i say so when are you gonna take me for a ride
>dont even realize the double meaning
>she gives me the sexiest look and says what are you doing this weekend
>itshappening.gif
>i mean to say something with you real smooth like
>instead autism kicks in and i say not anything with you
>so embarrassed
>i slapped my forehead and peeled out of the parking lot
>i see her in the mirror through the cloud of smoke dumbfounded with her arms raised
>thats the last time i saw her
>be me
>16 year old virgin beta
>spend most of time playing vidya
>have some popular friends
>go to parties occasionally
>one night really cute girl I've hung out with a few times is having party
>literal perfect 10/10
>I'm invited
>fuckyeah.png
>get pretty hammered, smoke a few bowls
>having pretty good time
>gets late and everyone is leaving or going to sleep
>decide to spend night as extremely inebriated
>getting ready to pass out in basement
>she comes over and starts chatting me up
>both of us are pretty hammered
>finally she says "you look so uncomfortable on the floor anon, you can come upstairs w/ me"
>full autism engaged, no backing out now
>"thanks, I'm okay here though!"
>she just awkwardly says ok and heads upstairs
It didn't really hit me how autistic I was until the next day. I crai everytime.
>>672147832
do you have any information i don't have? he didn't say anything about her intentions or anything really that indicates her intentions that's just you imagining things.
>>672147918
Sparc mac confirmed
>>672147988
Why would she just come out of nowhere texting him... I mean unless he's the most amazing fuck in the world, if she's decent she could fuck anyone she wants.
>>672138851
Sorry to hear, small dick Tim.
>Be me
>Be 17
>Qt friend of a friend's sister visits the town for a couple of days
>We go out everyday, friend, friend's sister, friend of his sister and me
>During those three days he admits to me he's got a crush on her
>"Go for it anon"
>"I'm not sure"
>I end up meeting her the day before her departure
>"What would you like to tell me anon?"
>"I, uhm, kiss me"
>I lean forward like in the movies
>Never happens
>Everyone ends up knowing, lost friend and was known as a traitor throughout highschool
>>672148052
well now you're giving her very negative motives. maybe she just wants to meet up with old people, a class meeting, maybe a one night stand again. maybe idk but for all we know she could finally see him as her one and only true love just as well as that she got preggers and wants money.
>>672148591
He didnt say that that was the only time he met her but it pretty much seems like to me...so, it's a big possibility, I mean, to meet up with a guy you fucked for one night then texted him to fuck off, and stop texting her. seems like.
>parents upset at me
>total neet
>make me get a job
>come home from work
>tired, don't even eat dinner, fall asleep
>wake up
>pants are pulled down to ankles
>mom sniffs my dick
>smells like rubber
>tell her about new job, but she doesn't believe me
>get grounded
>lose job
>be me
>be in boat in paradise island with the family
>girl in front of me is from another family, she's on the same boat as us, and boat is to go to small wild island with lots of forest to explore.
>she's about 12
>oh god I love little girls, must hide my power level.
>look away as if I'm a captain looking at the horizon.
>she looks at me
>I can feel her looking at me
>must not look at her eyes
>look her in the eyes.
>quickly turn head around again
>5 minutes pass
>she hasn't been looking at me during this time
>I'm smiling, making it look like I'm having a great time so my Mom doesn't question me.
>Inside, I want to fuck that girl so badly.
>It's hard to breath and keep a straight face
>suddenly, girl take a camera out of her bag.
>starts filming in the forward of the ship.
>starts filming me
>"What?" I think
>look at camera
>she's actually filming the area behind me, and filming around a bit a little bit to make it look like she's not filming me, but after that she goes back to filming the area just behind me and I'm definitely on the tape
>also, she's only 2 meters from me.
>so I'm like, right there in front of the movie.
>smile nervously while looking at the camera
>("Why the fuck is she filming me?") I think.
>no one says anything on the boat.
>her family don't seem to notice.
>she justs looks at me with a weird face
>after a few minutes, she stops
>we get off the boat and explore the island.
>get back home
>finally
>mom calls for dinner
>I'm in the bathroom changing my clothes
>put leg on sink to cut toenails
>I can see my ball and dick hanging out
>oh fuck.
>I sit on chair, can still see my dick and balls.
>tfw some 12 yo filmed me smiling on a boat as if I was a captain while my dick and balls were hanging out of my shorts.
>>672144169
>>672144275
Fucking newfags its pasta
>>672148815
jesus christ, how old are you like 40?
>>672147653
whats weird is like, I just took all that shit in stride. it was only later that I realized how fucking pathetic / sad it all was.
>>672148723
he says she lived on the other side of the country. maybe she moved close to him coincidentally and doesn't know many people there yet? all i'm really saying is you have a very negative image of either women or people in general to assume the worst.
>>672148748
>be in third grade
>school is told about kids wetting toilet paper and smudging it against bathroom walls.
>decide to be an undercover detective
>go into bathroom and wait for criminal
>people coming into the bathroom look at me weird and ask me what I am doing
>officialbusiness.jpg
>someone walks into cubicle
>decide to watch them for incriminating acts
>they freak the fuck out
>had to explain to teacher that I was going undercover to catch the culprit
>tfw autism
>>672142036
Oh man, at least she didn't go batshit crazy about it
Ill go ahead
>be 11
>grade 7 with gf
>we had a field day so our whole grade gos outside
>field say ends see gf ( i didn't have a phone)
>go up to her hold her hand as we walk back to class
>being horny 11 year old i turned diamonds only for holding her hand
>the walk back to class is like 4 minutes long
>mfw i has gymshorts and my shrimp dick is showing
>friend walks by and fucking smacks my dick
>she didn't notice until now
>"anon r u hard "
>"only when im with you"
>she let go of my hand and went with her friend
2 weeks later we break up feelsbadman
>>672145073
lol'd
>>672143787
huh this thread still around.
>6th grade
>Mom wants me to learn to "be a man"
>signs me up for football league
>we have to wear pads and helmets and shit
>never worn a jock strap before
>figure the cup is in case you poop yourself? fuck I don't kno
>put it on backwards
>we line up for physical, and my dick and balls are hanging out, and I have the strap on backwards
>some kids at school are there, and they tell everyone on monday
>yet another reason for kids to shit on me
>>672137847
Who the fuck goes to high school at 12?
>>672142036
cringed
>>672143724
>Mom sniffs my dick
>>672149749
i did
>>672149590
>"only when I'm with you"
10/10
>>never kissed girls picture in yearbook
Niggers you will never know full autism
>>672149889
Kek
>>672145307
>being this retarded
>>672149590
shit sucks man, sorry
might as well post mine but it sucks tbh
>12
>middle-school football
>flags n shit
>huge kid tackles me as i cetch bell
>proceed to chase him around
>cry and scream like a puss
>everyone laughs
>forever cringe
>>672149747
Kek you fucking idiot.
>be 18, virgin
>first real girlfriend, qt quirky blonde
>both of us at best friend's house for a party while his parents were out of town
>night commences, fun as fuck, we all get drunk and have a great time
>people start passing out, party's ending
>gf and I head to a guest room and get in bed
>haven't done anything sexual yet with her
>we start making out hardcore, clothes coming off, fingers everywhere
>she pulls away, looks me in the eye with the most innocent and sexy look imaginable, and says
>"be gentle, it's my first time"
>heart pounding, holy shit here we go
>I say, "I will, it's my first time too"
>her face instantly changes to a look of disgust
>"But ANON! My friends told me what happened between you and Anonette!"
>the year before I had hung out and blazed with a cute scene girl from school, and told my friends that we had fucked to seem cooler
>apparently word got around THE ENTIRE SCHOOL and now my innocent gf who isn't friends with anyone that would be spreading this lie is completely angry at me for lying to her at that most sincere moment in our relationship about being a virgin
>...when I actually was a virgin and I was telling the truth at that point
>so I'm shocked, embarrassed, and so fucking mad at myself
>try to explain the situation to her
>she doesn't believe me
>we still sleep next to each other, facing away, but neither of us can fall asleep and it was the worst fucking five hours of my life
>I'm holding back tears, and wishing to god I hadn't made up that stupid lie that I fucked someone just to seem cool
Oh man. Hadn't recalled that memory in a while. I try to forget that one.
>>672143294
>>want to try something fun?
>I pull down his pants and start sucking his dick
>>672150149
I don't miss all that awkward as fuck stuff...
>>672149749
Probably a britbong
>be in 11th grade
>have to show proof of an email but printing it out i just took a picture of it
>i have the picture pulled up in a folder i made out of my general pictures folder (i had an iphone)
>accidentally show her my collection of ben garrison political cartoons
>in 8th year
>at swimming centre with class
>getting changed
>autist of the year group reaches into his pants and pulls out a massive shit
>"look everyone, I made a pants sausage"
>mfw
this is just cringe..
>have this hot friend
>out of my league
>I'm friendzoned so hard, stuff like
>hey anon, come check out my panties I'm wearing tonight to the party
>pulls me into her big closet, and shows me her tiny little panties, can see her shaved pussy through it
>scared her boyfriend will come in
>shit like this goes on for years
>one time she is drunk and is like
>anon why didn't you ever hit on me, I gave you so many clues...
>me: stunned
>try to kiss her
>her: not now! we crossed that point a long time ago!
>hate self
looking back she was probably just fucking with me, and couldn't deal with the fact that a guy WASNT fawning over her constantly. I mean I was, but she probably just needed to show she could manipulate me 100%
>>672145276
you can't cum before puberty you nig nog
>>672148815
She wanted the dick
I'm so autistic that when people make fun of me I'll flip my shit and start screaming and threatening until people are crying or staring down until I go away
>>672150516
I did - just wasn't any uhm cum. but definitely had orgasms.
>>672150543
jesus I'm like that sometimes, I lose my shit if people make fun of me, totally over react, and then embarrass the shit out of myself.
I hate being a fuckhead
>>672150543
That's alpha as fuck.
>>672150214
when I think about it now, I want go gouge my eyes out
>>672137847
<Be me
<Don't know how to fucking greentext or triforce or nothing
>>672137847
>14
>Swimming carnival
>Never competed in a sporting event ever because fuck that
>Compete in breast stroke
>So far behind that the next race starts and beats me
>English teacher is a cunt and makes out that I'm drowning so my mates dive in to save me
>Everyone to ashamed to bring it up again
>>672150614
Fuck I know this feel too.
Just now learning to take a joke but I've put the autism fear in more than a few.
>>672150514
damn man thats the type of shit that would make me wanna buwn the school down to the gwound
>>672150757
>>672149125
Assuming the worst is how you survive in this world. I would crush someone like you
>>672148748
i have story people but im not so english good but here
>be 21
>teaching school for Lithuania
>many for teach
>not child but child
>most 15 years
>one study is girl very sexy
>know i cannot for police
>she bend to drop pick up writing pencil
>see line of panty
>penis start to hard
>try to resistance but very not easy
>panic time for me
>finger in mouth for vomit
>vomit in my pant
>girl is look for me
>"Are you ok"
>yes
>run away to outside
>go home and tears
>phone ring very
>sleep
>41 calls for school
>see panty girl later for 4 years at petrol shop
>pregnant for black man
>looks laughing for the last time bitch
>not girl but is face similar from tv woman
>>672150889
its weird too because like 90% of the time I'm fine, and then all of a sudden I act like a fucking retard.
>go to bowling alley with friends and their parents in grade school
>I have small feet and hands
>go to get bowling shoes, size 7
>guy behind me says jokingly
>you know what they say about guys with small feet ...
>freak out yell: YEAH THEY HAVE REALLY BIG FUCKING DICKS
>everyone quiet
>friends parents make me go apologize to all the tables
>wish I could die
>>672150934
years later, she got divorced, and one night we were in the hottub, she was naked, and being flirty
>nope not gonna fall for it
>her: Anon - you know what your problem is? you don't know how to take advantage of an opportunity
>get so pissed I go over to her, push her over, fuck her drunk brains out on side of hot tub
>next day, call her - she ignores me
>get my feelings all hurt
>she was never interested, just playing games with me
>at least I got to fuck her
>>672151253
nigger are you trolling me
>>672151287
>>672151287
buwn her down to the gwound
I actually have autism and never did anything excessively awkward.
what is wrong with me /b/?
>>672151253
>not child but child
>be 13
>cute childhood friend 14
>our families are friends
>celebrating something outside of country at a rented barn
>we steal beer and champagne when every is already drunk
>get drunk for the first time
>tell her i never kissed a girl
>"do you want to?"
>hell yeah
>we smootch
>then drink more
>i start running around the area for some reason for a few hours
2nd part is better
>>672151253
>sides in orbit
>>672151253
why do you resent her for your own natural desires milov?
>be 6, first grade
>back to class after recess
>need to piss
>ask teacher to go to toilet
>"you should have went during recess anon"
>"I'm busting, please miss"
>"it can wait till lunch, anon"
>piss myself
>go to canteen to get lame lost and found clothes
>teacher keeps me in after lunch
>"you should have told me anon"
>mfw I did
>>672143724
>mom sniffs my dick
>>672137847
>be me 2+/- years ago
>go to the cinema on my own
>halfway through, the movie paused
>dance intermission
>can't find a partner
>everyone gives me mean looks
>walk over to the ketchup dispenser (which was next to my seat)
>try not to cry
>Movie continues
>people still dancing in front of the screen
>those who went back to their seats still gave me mean looks
>felt like shit when the movie ended
>>672151253
>sides not in orbit, but in orbit
>>672151564
>week passes
>ask her out on a date
>tfw first date
>we meet at the old town
>walk along side river in complete silence
>she says "nice weather huh?"
>yeah.jpg
>she says we are going to meet her friend
>friend brought beer
>they start drinking and smoking
>get scared
>go home
> Be me
> 7th grade or some shit
> Not very popular, but I'm doing okay
> Notice a cute girl on the bus home for a few weeks
> Never speak to her because too pretty and shy as fuck
> One day she sits next to me and gives me her ICQ number, tells me to write her up
> Add her but never write her anyhing
> I'm retarded
>>672147918
you still had a pretty good chance to bone her lol
>>672150514
You stupid nigga. When she was showing you panties she wanted your dick fo real. you could cuck this boi of her.
>>672151828
> dancing
> movie theater
hello prajeet
>>672151287
At least you showed her how alpha you can be
>>672151472
>one time she said she when she was drunk
>yeah I just fucked you that one time because <girl> said you were really good in bed
>don't see what the big deal was about though
clearly you can see my self esteem was shit that I hung out with chicks like this.
>>672137847
>Be me 13 year old beta virgin
>bored at summer school
>Summer school ends "thank god"
>see bottle
>Friend walks by
>Kicks bottle at friend
>Misses friend and hits teacher walking by
>Summer school at ghetto school
>5 teachers start coming up and yelling at me
>Security guard runs towards me and tackles
>Get handcuffed and sent to a cell within the school
>Principal releases me
>Tells me my summer school credit is done
>MFW i have to repeat the 9th grade because of autism
![qSr31lY[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/uqWWYg8.png "qSr31lY[1].png")
>>672151253
it's the dude who defeated the taxi commander!
>>672152056
>his theater doesn't have a dance intermission
>>672137847
>be at friends birthday in high school
>around the time i just got drivers license so drive myself there
>chat it up despite being a spaghetti boy and do some good
>make friends with this one kid lets call him J
>on the way to leave im parked infront of J on a hillside cause there wasnt room to park elsewhere
>get in car and cant move
>put more gas on but still stuck in same spot
>think its the hillside
>dont realize im in neutral
>friends try to help guide me backing up so i can get going
>back up too far and hit Js car
>did no damage at all but still awkward as fuck
>get embarassed cause everyones freaking out
>time to leave
>as im pulling into the driveway i see a bunch of people sitting on the steps to friends house
>decide i have to save face since i dropped my spaghetti
>roll window down
>pump fist and yell "FURK YEAH"
>girls groan and give me death glare
>not sure why i thought that was a good idea
>as im about to leave another car is coming up the hill/driveway
>hear people freak out and try to get my attention cause they think im gonna hit him
>dont hit him but start to cry and dry heave as i speed down the hill in embarassment
>almost run a stop sign and slam on breaks which fucked up my dads brake pads
>dont talk to J at all since that day
>>672152012
I was legit afraid of that dude. he was like a fucking thug, would go to bars, get in fights and fuck people up. like put them into the hospital. I was fucking terrified he was gonna walk in or something. but worst part was, I literally thought she just wanted my opinion on her panties or something. so . fucking . beta .
she would always talk about her boyfriends, like that guy? she was like
>oh anon his cock is so big, its like a fucking pier 1 candle ( makes ring with her hands to show how large it is
>treated me like one of her girl friends. oh the wonderful friendzone.
>>672152066
yeah but even there, I was just manipulated. She got me pissed, and she got what she wanted.
>>672151828
What the fuck movie was this? in porn theater ther shud be brek to fuk tho
>>672152067
atleast your hanging out with chicks bro i would honestly kill for the female conversation you had my self esteems so bad i cant go into a room without freezing up if a girl looks at me my face turns red let alone conversations with a girl thats like a fantasy to me bro
>be 14
>go to Bulgaria with family for summer
>cute chubby girls stares at me
>perfect opportunity to experiment
>chat her up in english
>shes a russian girl and speaks with an amusing accent, cute, hear she is 15
>last day of vacation
>we sit down on bench
>"you are beutiful boy, anon"
>starts making out with me, like theres no tommorow
>tfw first actual kiss
>open my eyes for a sec
>my sis is staring at us from a far, having a drink
>half an hour of make out later
>our group of friends is saying good byes
>she pulls me up and kisses me again
>feel tired
>push her away
>go to sleep
>>672152272
>she told you how big his cock was
i cant stop keking
>she wanted to cuck you like a black man does with a white woman
>>672151968
Another story
> be 16
> Germanfag
> Used to plan some kind of weekend fun for smaller kids with a few friends, happens weekly and they play games like capture the flag and shit
> We are being send to a course to improve our working methods etc., normal business, happens once a year, ppl from all around the area go there
> Huge drinkfest every evening
> One girl really seemed to like me and wrote me messages over and over I should come to her town, it would be fun
> Always say later because she kinda nnoys me and i wanna play videogames and get wasted
> She is a persistent one
> Writes me for like 1 1/2 month, also wasn't that bad looking
> Never hear from here again after that
> See her 4 years later and she looks gorgeous
> She recognizes me and fucking hates me passive-aggressively for the time being, like asking everybody for drinks when she gets some but not me
> I did not get why she was so mad at me
> Months later I get it
>Be me 6 years old
>It was playtime (or recess)
>Need a shit
>You're not allowed inside the school during playtime though
>Take a shit on the stairs leading up to the school
>Playtime ends
>Some 4 year old kid slips on my shit and bangs his head on the concrete
>He's rushed to hospital
>mfw my shit caused a kid a head injury
>>672143724
>mom sniffs my dick
>wut
>>672152519
I guess - I'm way better around girls now. If they are really pretty or really ugly, I'm fine... because there isn't any sexual tension. hot girls are too hot for me, ugly girls I can flirt with and feel alpha. but if a girl is like a 7/10? I'm fucking crushed can barely make eye contact and always sphagett
>>672152566
uhm that sounds sweet actually
>>672152571
yeah fuck her, I hate her so much now.
>>672152685
fucking keeking
>be 12
>be massive meme lord autist
>skipping p.e for this very reason
>cute grill i skipped p.e with steals my phone cuz she was a nosey bitch
>sees image folder full of cheese pizza images and gore.
>never speak of it again
>mfw
>>672152337
I thought it was 300: Rise Of An Empire. I just recommend not going alone to see a movie
>>672152685
top fucking keek
>>672142036
prolly difficult to stay confident when shit like that happens
>>672152799
I saw 500 Days of Summer alone. It was fucking depressing. I don't even know what made me want to go see it in the first place. Like, I was bored enough to get in my car and drive to the theater and spend money and sit by myself and watch a movie that I had heard was pretty good from some of my friends. What the fuck
>be 10
>in a football camp
>Toilets are from soviet union
>feeling uncomfortable to shit there
>shitting almost everyday
>putting shitty boxers in the closet in the room
>everyone from the room knows i shit myself
>team makes fun for 3-4 years
>changed team later on
>>672147918
Actually alpha as fuck
Oh christ these stories...
>be grade 2 autismotard
>have to shit so I take a road trip to the shitter
>Canadian winter and heater is broken so its fuckin cold y0
>older kids in the bathroom skipping
>proceed to shit but seat is cold so I can't
>ASK FOR HELP
>think back to this and drink myself into comas because Im so downsy
>>672152814
i fucking read it on accident like " he slaps my shit then bangs his head on the concrete" like he was retarded, FUCKING LOL
>>672152272
about cock size. She probably wanted you to think about her beeing fucked/get jelous. You culd ask her, if he know how to make her cum with his tongue. (i guess he couldnt)
But yeah i feel your pain. there were so many times i did the same. Just didnt realise that she wants the d. Now i know they all do.
This knowlage is blessing.
>>672145226
Post the texts
>>672137847
While i was around 10 or so i had a giant stomach ache in the middle of class . Teacher notices me and asks is something wrong . I get nervous and actually shat my pants . Teacher comes closer and says "anon are you ok ? do you maybe wanna go to the toilet ?" I reply with "No worries the shit wont fall out of pants"
I get teased thru whole life for dis...
>decide to go to movies
>take pot cookie for immersion
>tripping my balls off
>believe there's a dance transmission
>get up and start dancing
>slip on ketchup
>every looks at me weird
>be me, Alpha bully in primary school
>be in 4th grade (10 yrs old or someshit)
>P.E Class
>PE teacher makes us play dodgeball but with a twist
>The twist is she puts 3 wooden blocks on each side and you have to defend them or some shit
>Cutie pie girl I like is on opposite team
>I go full try hard to impress cutie pie
>dodging balls left and right and doing sick shit
>it comes down to 3v1
>Me and two betas verse cutie pie
>still in pro mode
>I throw the hardest throw I can at cutie pie girls head
>I rush over to see if shes okay
>she crying and bleeding and yells at me
>Teacher begins to yell at me
>I go full aspy and start throwing the wood blocks at the teacher
>peg teacher right in the face with wood block
>tooth falls out and teacher is bleeding
>I turn and bolt out of the gym
>I end up running away from school grounds and having the cops searching for me
>mfw this 30 year old male teacher ends up being afraid of me a 10 year old kid
>>672153186
>>672153186
ok im fucking laughing so hard
https://soundcloud.com/richard-adamas
>>672153332
>https://soundcloud.com/richard-adamas
think you're earl sweatshirt bro? fucking cringey and autistic as fuck, good post.
>>672145226
Tell her sex and then we talk.
>be me, elementary school
>our class prepares a play, something I don't even remember what it was about
>play day
>be nervous
>play goes well. Every kid is nervous but all goes rather smoothly
>me and two other kids are on the stage, performing
>one of my classmates makes a mistake in his recitation
>my autism persona awakens
>start yelling at my classmate for ruining the show
>lots of finger pointing and screaming
>the whole school laughs. I think I have right to be angry
>teacher tries to fix the situation
>our scene gets skipped, the show goes on
>afterwards, keep justifying myself by blaming my classmate's bad memory
>the whole situation was so unimaginably awkward no one really ever brought it to me again. Like everyone prefered to forget
My whole childhood was full of autistic outbursts like that, many of them worse than that. I could make my own thread someday, when I sit down to describe everything properly
>>672151253
lost
>>672153332
wow cunt do you have cancer?
>Be me,
>17 yo beta
>detention is on saturday
>sit with 4 other losers on saturday
>8 hours 40 min
>never said a word to them
>have to write essay
>end up writing 5 essays while they were blazin in the gym
>yfw i never did anything, i just went every saturday because i had nothing better to do
>Had been on vacation in Egypt with the fam
>Socialized with a girl
>Time to say goodbye on the last day
>Hug or handshake, def handshake
>Clearly wrong choice from the look she gave me
>Attempt to save it by giving her a tap on the shoulder with the other hand
>Had my shoes in that hand
>Ended up giving her a handshake and slap her with my shoes
>Fight or flight? flight
>Turn around and board the bus
>>672137847
I can top that.
>Be me
>11 years old, just starting sixth grade
>Have a mario party game, I was "the mario kid"
>I want to impress everyone
>I remember one of the minigames involve climbing up a mountain
>It looked like they were crawling on the ground tho
>We're taking a tour across the school
>I begin to crawl on the ground
>I then shout "IMMA LUIGI, NUMBA ONE"
>Everyone sees
>Teacher cringes
>Tormented until high school
>>672153514
Please please post more
>>672143724
>mom sniffs my dick
did she taste it to make sure?
>>672142646
Go fuck off, nobody cares.
>greentext if asked
>OP started a story dump thread.
>You are not a Special Snowflake
>you don't get special (oh please do share!!!) treatment.
>go the fuck outside. And stop attention whoring.
more sexual stories pls
those make me kek more
>>672153935
Somehow that is the most autistic thing posted in this thread. Kek.
>>672154027
gg trying to be hard and replying to a post that was made more than 2 and a half hours ago. you're pretty fuckin tough, kid
>>672143787
Your mom should kill herself that narcissistic whore
>be me, on the wrong side of 20something old
>no relationship, no sex, no nothing for 7 years prior
>dropped out of uni, moved back in with dad because of my failures
>lowest point of my life ever
>the sirens call for me almost every night. they say "be an hero"
>one night out of frustrated desperation I type into google "lonely as fuck"
>google gives me a reddit page where people talk about not being an hero
>they also mention okcupid
>too bad it didnt give me /b/ amirite
>I was too stuck up to try internet dating before but these were desperate times
>make profile, take and make tests, respond to blogs, etc
>one month rolls by - nothing
>two months roll by - one landwhale messages me
>we talk, she loses interest the same day
>sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.jpg
>on the third month of cupidmas my luck has brought to me:
>ok-looking 5/10 that I am not attracted to messages me with the enthusiasm of at least one thousand suns
>beggars can't be choosers so I put aside the fact that I am not attracted to her and give her a shot because "lonely as fuck"
>we talk every fucking day for hours at a time
>her personality is kinda messed up - she's got issues for sure, buttfuckit, she's really into me
>the time has come
>she says "anon lets meet. come and drive the 200 miles to meet me where I am"
>I drive the 200 miles to meet her
>she is a landwhale. her legs like mighty sequioa trunks, coated with a rippling white moss
>I was under a rock for 7 years so I knew nothing about "myspace angle" selfies
>we make out anyway because "lonely as fuck"
>we have a good time
>I stay at her place for a week
>we get drunk one night
>coincidentally, the same night, I lose my virginity to her
>I cried right in front of her after ... not out of joy
>I move in a month later because reasons
>FF 7 years
>I still live with her, still not attracted to her even though she lost enough weight to be demoted from landwhale to slightly chubby
>pic related is pretty much our relationship
>>672153186
Dude just kek'd so hard I woke my girl up and got bitched at. Worth it.
>>672151253
erect my penis eh? hurdur
When I was like 10 years old or less (really young and stupid), I knew about fapping cause I recently found out about it.
At some evening I was watching TV. It's the time when kids movies are aired on weekends. In this case it was some Barbie movie, and my 3 year younger brother was also watching it. And we were both lying in the bed of our mother, under a huge blanket that covered us both, while still having enough space between us.
Since I was a fucking retard back then, I thought Barby was pretty fappable and I wanted to fap while watching the movie. I thought '>implying younger brother will ever find out' '>implying anyone will ever find out' '>implying brother even knows what fapping is' 'sounds like a good plan'
>proceeded to lower my pants under the blanket and fap in secret
>mother suddenly comes in and says it's time for bed
>ohfuckno, I can't pull up my pants
>say 'no, I don't want to sleep yet, give me like 10 more minutes' hoping she'll fuck off and let me pull up my pants
>she says no and pulls the blanket away in a quick move, revealing me with my pants down my ankles and my brother next to me
>I jump up and deny everything
>brother is confused
>after like 20 seconds of loud arguing mom says 'then why is your dick still hanging out!?'
JUST FUCKING KILL ME SENPAI
>be 15 year old me
>move to a different state along with school
>i'm pretty attractive, but I'm emotionally retarded
>meet a 8/10 sitting alone, finds out she moved here recently too
>fast forward a week
>she starts getting really horny and what not
>eventually she comes over to my house
>we're in my bed watching The Office
>I look over at her and she immediately grabs my face and makes out with me
>I feel up on her breasts and descend down further and rub her clit
>I'm over her now, removing her clothes and kissing her neck
>rubbing my dick on her vagina
>really just trying to find the hole because I'm a virgin
>she sighs and grabs my dick and puts it inside her
>"Oh, so that's how that works."
>she laughs, and I start thrusting
>i'm literally terrible at it
>my body movement is comparable to a broken slinky
>staring at her eyes with a blank expression for ten minutes just going back and forth like a complete retard
>finally cum and pull out to lay down beside her
I fuck her like a total retard five more times before she never talks to again. Complained that it was too bizarre having sex with someone who just stared at her cross-eyed.
>Be 11
>Arrive at school
>It's dick sniffing day at school
>''fuuuuck im wearing my rubber briefs''
>proceed to the sniffing inspection
>my mother is the school nurse
>get expelled
>lose my job
>>672149747
Seriously, you dont see a pattern here?
Your mom has obviously never learned you anything, but still shits on you when you do things wrong instead of wondering why you do them wrong
Your mom is the root of your problems faggot
>>672138851
Should've just been like, "Okay bitchboy, you got such a big dick show. Show up bitchboy or you have a tinier cock than that." Or just pantsed him in the hall, I guarantee you all kids that age have small cocks, they're kids who mostly haven't started puberty.
>>672137847
>Hot girl hits on me, wants to fuck
>Said I didn't have time because I had to study
Dear god why did I do this
>>672154201
I feel like if you're saying things have improved you need to reevaluate your lowest point in life, anon...
>>672143538
I've never even heard the Mounds or Almond Joy joke before.
>be me
>be 13
>sitting in class, sleeping mostly
>Topic of onions comes up
>kid says he likes onions
>teacher says how she can't stand them, rants on for a while
>kid says "lady you better check yourself before you shrek yourself
>kid is really shrek
>i have no fucking idea how i didn't notice
>shrek goes and kills teacher
>police come
>walk in the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walked the dinosaur
>>672151828
This happened to me aswel, I cringe everytime I think about it.
>be me
>become me
>come in me
>wait wha...?
>>672150464
kek
>>672155011
That was very le funny
>>672140639
>>672137847
>live in small town, bible belt
>parents find my stash of trump anime hats
>parents think I'm retarded and gay for trump
>they just don't understand my trump maymays
>there is no reasoning with them
>parents send me to counselor
>counselor thinks I'm retarded and gay too
>parents disown me for being "a fucking faggot"
>kick me out of house
>I go "live" in a shelter
>I keep telling myself it isn't so bad
>I'll just focus on school and show everyone I'm a winner
>I cry myself to sleep every night though
>Homeless Nigger tries to rape me one night
>I yell "RAPE RAPE!"
>the shelter people blame me
>call me a racist for wearing my trump hat
>kick me out of shelter
>I have to live on the street now (under a bridge)
>I only have a month left of school, but I have no choice but to drop out
>I get a cash job as a janitor
>Plan is to save up money for apartment
>One of the homeless men under the bridge inject me with heroin as I sleep one night
>they keep me drugged up for 3 months
>they make me suck off strangers for burgers every night
>I don't even get any burgers
>they call me "Randy-Bo-Bandy"
>I don't even like the Trailer Park Boys
>they finally stop drugging me, but they had stole all my money I saved up too
>I can't get another job, no one will hire me because I'm known as a town whore
>I have no choice but to keep whoring
>I save up enough money to buy phone
>get back into heroin by choice
>I suck off men every night for money and I spend my day on /pol/ on my phone
>father drives by my bridge one night
>sees me sucking off one of the other hobos
>I see him
>I yell...."CAN'T STUMP! TRUMP 2016!"
>He drives away anger
>that will show him!
>>672137847
You should have just kept trying to swim, OP. Even if you came in last you would have still finished.
The most celebrated are the rehabilitated, go learn to swim like a fish. Gather all the people that saw it. SWIM.
>>672143787
Your mom is a psychopath
>>672150516
Well something felt good
>>672145614
Underrated post. Not even keks, by law (USA) she raped him
>Be half retarded 7th grader
>Skip me first hour math class
>Walking around halls
>Go to bathroom to play on my phone
>Play on my phone for an hour
>Go back down to my class to get my homework and shit and pretend I was late
>mfw my phones time was 40 minutes ahead
>Everyone could tell I was skipping by the way I was smirking like an autist and was sure class was over
I did it with my black friend, he got 3 days ISS, I got after school detention. And people say racism is dead.
>>672143507
I lost
>>672148559
cringed
>>672146794
Clearly you've never heard of Nanto Bakusatsu Ken
>>672149747
>yet another reason kids shit on me
THE PUNS
>>672151253
"Penis start to hard" I fucking kek'd
>>672155011
cont
>qt police officer lady start to ask me about what happened
>I say, "I don't know officer..."
>Just then I notice this this qt was actually 30 foot tall
>She says, "Can I get about tree fiddy"?
>"GODDAMNIT LOCKNESS MONSTER! I AIN'T GIVE'N' YOU NO TREE FIDDY!"
>>672154119
Even if you did type out your greentext, it would be cancer anyway. Heres how it probably goes:
>be me, gay fucktard
>my butt buddy lent me some speakers
>start blasting Weeaboo music from them at max volume
>Am autisitc and decide to have a sparkler party
>Forgot my mom feeds me premium gasoline in an attempt to get rid of me
>Clumsy drop sparkler into bucket of gasoline because my autism restricts basic motor functions
>whole room blows up
>unfortunately survive
>mom opens door
>everybody walk the dinosaur
Go fuck yourself faggot.
>>672152685
>>672147918
I'm surprised you can even drive a car, you autistic fuck.
>>672147933
I kinda feel like those guys that say the exact opposite of what they should have said when it means they can fuck a girl, are closet homosexuals and they don't know it yet.
>>672147285
haha yeah TFW you have a gf haha
GET OFF OF 4CHAN U FUCKING NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>be me
>start of 7th grade year
>fairly popular get along with everyone
>go to home economics class. Fack we're learning to sew today
>gorgeous girl im friends with jokingly says make a thong with scrap material
>i do and everyone thinks its hilarious because its 7th grade
>next class is gym
>halfway through see the two younger male teachers laughing and tossing something back and forth to each other
>its the thong
>prinicpal gets called and they search my locker
>proceed to find a condom a hustler magazine and joke sketches of different animal characatures fucking witth big dicks.
>called my parents into office after trying to explain myself for a bit
>one by one the principal pulls out each item and lays them out
>the condom the thong the porn and about 7 pages of crude sketches are laid out
>principal looks my mother in the eyes as he slowly closes his with a slow nod offering her his condolences
>"I think this is a matter to be handled at home ma'm"
>get maximum suspension for sexual harrasment
>forever known throughout that school system as some sort of pervy sexual deviant
>still hear shit about the incident from both my friends and my family over a decade later
>>672137847
>be me
>19 years old fresh out of HS
>go to see a movie by myself because i have no friends in this new town
>qt grill behind concession stand
>get to talking with her, shes going to school for game design and is and a gamer girl
>fuck yeah im doing that too!
>we flirt and things are going pretty good
>faggot manager with glasses and a mullet come over to tell her to get back to work before i can get a number from her
>movie ends and its like 30 min before the close
>oh ill just wait for her in the parking lot and get her number
>literally wait in my car next to the last 3 cars in the parking lot
>see her coming out and i get out of my car
>she stops and runs back inside
>wtf.jpg
>manager comes out and walks over to my car telling me i need to go or he will call the cops
>ok man chill, so i leave
>driving home and realize how fucking creepy i was
>ohgodwhy.jpb
>>672157517
Schools can suspend you for sexual harassment when you weren't harassing anyone at all in anyway? And you didn't sue??
>>672143724
>wears condom
>clearly practicing safe sex
>gets sex talk
wut
>me 5
>girl cousin 5
>go behind shed in my backyard to play doctor
>both of us get naked and play with each other for a while
>i get bored and start humping her stuffed bear she always carries with
>she lols so loud our parents overhear and find us naked with me humping a teddy bear fml
>parents freakout and keep us seperate until we're 12
>12 is also when i discovered jerking off
>see cousin again at her birthday party
>awkward af
>not sure if she remembers
>go to her room to play snes
>she tells me it was really funny that time i humped the bear
>she asks me to do it again
>wtf
>instant diamond
>im scared and say no but she keeps asking
>i grab the bear, the same one she always had
>i pull my dick out
>she gasps, she didn't think i would really do it
>i see her looking at my dick and it makes me instantly cum all over her bear
>she goes and cries to her mom and tells her everything
>once again we were no longer allowed to see each other
>>672157795
I think she over reacted, or you looked like >
>Be me
>Walks to cousins house
>bugs you to go to church with her in 2 hours
>While waiting and watching a movie you fall alseep
>Wake up 30 mins until you have to leave to church
>You really NEEDED to shit so you walk down the street to my your house
>hoping its not messy shit
>its soo messy that you need to wet the toliet paper
>since youre rushing you forget to use dry toliet paper last
>when you get to church you sit down and people around you move to diff seats
>new people come sit next you too
>then they move and youre like wtf
>40 mins into church you start sweating and the smell of your asshole hits you like a truck
>the smell doesnt go away until church is done
>your cousin invites you to red robins with her and her church buddies right after that
>when you get home your other cousin calls you to come over and hang out
>you say yes not remembering the shit incident
>plays some video games and goes to sleep
>you wake up the next day
>you ask him if you can take a shower he says yeah
>when you are undressing you decided to check your BLACK briefs and there is a fuck load of tiny rolled up toliet paper it looks like cobwebs
>youre so confused and youre like wtf why do i have cobwebs in my underwear
>then it hits you oh fuck last night
>after the shower you make up some bullshit excuse to run home to get new briefs
>fin
First green text sry if i fucked up the format but the story is mine and true happened around 7 months ago fml lmao
>>672137847
St Norbert
>>672151287
More stories?
>>672158271
try using i instead of you
other then that, good autism attack.
>>672158023
Unfortunately correct and correct
>>672137847
>here's my story
>FUCK YOU
>the end
>>672159471
Top Kek !!! xD
>>672159471
zozzle?
>>672159789
Bazonga!
>>672144275
>>672144169
>>672144807
>>672149762
>>672151707
>>672152687
>>672153982
>>672158028
Holy shit
>being this fucking new
you sir, are and idiot :(
>>672153935
Hahahahahahaha holy shit
>>672144165
>>672144966
Wtf? Is it normal in trumpopia, that parents sniff their sons dicks?
Or from which subhuman shithole did you ppl come?
>Be me
>4th grade
>Stay after school on playground wait for mom
>Girl is gonna jump from a thing
>Tells me to catch her
>Mfw I didn't
>Mfw she was my crush
>>672153769
breakfast club?
>be 7 years old
>in room playing with a barrel of monkeys
>start linking monkey arms
>start chanting in quick succession
>barrel of monkeys
>barrel of monkeys
>barrel of monkeys
>barrel of monkeys
>this goes on for about ten minutes straight
>continues to the point where it all feels like one long word in my head
>barrelofmonkeysbarrelofmonkeys
>uncle i live with walks in yelling
>"WHAT THE FUCK ANON ARE YOU AUTISTIC? THATS FUCKING CREEPY"
>stil feel weird about it to this day
>wonder how long he was listening
>Be me
>First real job, been working there a couple of years now
>Completely retarded about women or how to get laid
>Be in a relationship and engaged to autistic land whale, basically just because I lost my virginity to her
>Really good friends with a cute, thin, athletic co-worker
>Tons of sexual tension
>Go to a happy hour after work one night
>Get completely destroyed together
>Leave the happy hour together, everyone at work sees it
>In the cab she puts her arm around me and says "If you play your cards right you might just get laid tonight"
>Get back to her place
>She burns incense
>Pours us a few more drinks
>Dims the lights
>Snuggles up on the couch next to me
>Got my arm around her
>She's obv just waiting on me to make the move and she's done all the prep work she can
>I totally freeze up
>Spend like 4 hours there until we're both sobered up, never so much as kiss her or even fondle her
>Just hang out like we're friends
>She's super pissy and I figure out later it's because I basically turned her down for no-strings sex through my incompetence
>Tell myself next day that NEXT TIME I'll do this right
>Start carrying a condom in my coat pocket
>Couple of weeks later end up at her place again only this time we're both totally sober
>She's not having it now since I was an idiot before
>Go to leave, pick up coat
>mfw condom falls out and lands on floor at her feet
>We both look at it
>I try to just be all smooth and pick it up
>So now not only was I retarded the first time but apparently think I'm so smooth I should just have a rubber on me at all times if I'm gonna hang with her
>She eventually gets a job somewhere else and I never see her again
>Still randomly jerk off to her and just wish I weren't a total fucking idiot
>>672158035
You would think they would just seperate you and the bear. The girl is obviously not your type.
>Be me, 18
>Hanging out at best friend's house smoking and drinking
>This dealer we're friends with shows up with a few underage posh kids I've never met before
>Posh kids ask me to buy them vodka because I'm old enough and they're not (Britbong)
>Go to shops, too stoned to remember their order so come back with the wrong types/sizes of booze
>Whatever, fuck those guys
>Go back to house, hand posh kids bag of confusing assorted booze and keep their change
>Dealer bro is setting up gravity bong
>Never had one before, looks like fun
>Rip 3 in a row in quick succession
>Never been so high.png
>Climb onto bed, make nest out of all the blankets and shit in the house and stare out at everyone else, giggling uncontrollably
>Posh kids are visibly uncomfortable
>Friends and dealer bro laughing
>Get annoyed, point at dealer bro
>Say/slur long-winded "this cunt thinks he's Mr Big, but he's not even Mr fucking Medium-Sized"
>Think this is the wittiest shit ever, everyone else looking at me like I'm a retard
>Get self-conscious, leave nest and go to other room
>Hide in broom cupboard and cringe
>Friend finds me in the cupboard later, fast asleep standing up
>Not even mad, buy food with posh kids' change and kek
>>672152096
>arrive in her cat
I'm using that one... :D
