I feel like such a fuck up. A complete waste of space. I really need a feels thread I can post some feels storys and just some general storys of me growing up if anyone cares.
>>675705435
We don't care, kill yourself you lazy useless sack of shit.
>stumble upon online roleplaying accidentally
>get real excited and realise you've always wanted to do this
>signup on Roleplay site
>jump right into beginner's thread
>make some cringy as shit posts and rp with other beginners.
>come across two people specifically, dudeanon and femanon
>rp with them for a bit
>decide to set up another thread with them
>dudeanon sort of fucks off from our original thread but me and femanon keep going
>lots of more roleplay endeavours, we become great rp buds.
>eventually lack time for thread roleplay and resort to much quicker chatroom rp.
>a year passes and I wonder about femanon roleplay partner
>return to site to see she went to another site
>followtheshepard.avi
>find her and continue an old roleplay started two years before
>her replies become far in between.
>she tells me it's because she's in the middle of moving
>verywellunderstood.jpg
>do some CHATROOM roleplay for another bit, while sending messages to original rp partner now and then
>after a while of not receiving a reply I go to the new site we are both on and ask around for her
>her brother is on the main chatbox, also find out she came to this new site because her sibs roleplayed on it
>ask brother where is she
>he hesitantly replies
>Femanon roleplaying partner had died from a car crash an hour earlier, and was in hospital for a day.
>Begin to cry over rp partner.
>alert friends of hers from old site of her passing.
>still feel like if I spoke to her earlier, the me could have triggered some sort of butterfly effect that prevented her death.
Apologies if I wrote it out shitty. I often think about her and remembered her again when reading feels thread.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGc7DcH2G8w
>>675706169
Lol faggot, it was her 'brother' pretending to be a girl all along. He said that to escape your creepy stalker ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHfoLnCN2no
>>675705770
lol
Stop blaming yourself for things, OP. You gotta stop, buddy. I used to do the same shit. Life happens, and everything happens in life for a reason, no matter how shitty the circumstance may be. When things happen and you feel like you fucked up because you could have prevented them somehow, tell yourself it's not your fault and not your responsibility. Stop putting these responsibilities that aren't yours in your life backpack man. If you ever wanna talk sometime, gimme info or ask me for info. We can both share our shitty lives. Anons need other Anons sometimes. It's understandable, we can't do everything on our own.
OP is a faggot.
I need this of my chest.
Hey /b, I'm a 23 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend. Quit simply i'm just ugly. My hairline is receding, I've got a small dick and I'm a fatass.
Sure I tried losing weight a year ago but wat does it matter? I't still be an ugly fuck.
I dropped out of school a couple years ago leaving me with a huge dept. I have no job and no money. The only jobs I probably could do is something at macdonalds but you now what, I'm so tired /b. Every fucking day I'm so fucking tired I can't get shit done it seems. Thinking about an heroing for some years now. It comes and it goes, but it never stops coming back.
When I was younger I always thought life when you get older would be so awesome. But it freaking sucks. Last night I dreamt of having a girlfriend. I was so happy in my dream, not having sex but simply cuddling with a woman feeling loved and wanted. I even had a daughter in my dream, she was beautiful. I had a nice house and was simply happy.
Then I woke up. My depression hit harder then ever before I guess. I wanted to go back to sleep, back to my dream... maybe just end it all and be done with it. I know you guys probably think what a faggot or what a loser, but I needed to wright this down even though maybe no one reads it. Jesus life sucks.
>>675707477
I'm just thinking about my whole life. I've fucked up so much and I can't take it back. I'll never be young and in love again. I've missed out on my teens years. I never done anything exciting porns about it and even that i'm getting tired of it just doesnt do it anymore. I've never felt so shitty in my life. I mean I've had depression and suicide tendencies but I thought I got over this but I've been like this for atlest a year now. I just want someone with me to motivate me and help me do what I wanna do. I find it hard to get out of bed without wishing I was dead anymore. I've lost it all and won't get it back. I never felt love before. My dad would beat me and my mom was a whore. I was an only child. I have only had one girlfriend and she cheated on me with another girl back when I was 13. I just wanna feel love. The way I see it "The happier I am, The sadder I become."
>>675707477
You know we can tell you're samefagging right? Fuck off with your shitty immature problems, if it doesnt involve real life it doesnt matter shit.
>>675708220
Elliot Rodger is that you?? LOL.
>>675708482
>samefagging?
nah.
>Shitty immature problems?
Yes.
>How would my problems not involve real life?
>>675705435
>"I'm a whiny faggot. Someone pay attention to me."
God I hate you fuckin millennials. Weak.
This car will get you laid.
>>675709076
You slipped up, samefag fucker. I replied to the positive reply you wrote yourself you attention whoring sack of shit.
>>675709158
If you are not a faggot get the fuck off of /b/
>>675709387
no it wont
>>675709425
you dumb cunt
>>675708331
Being young doesn't matter, in fact being young and in love is fucking garbage, you're both immature and usually the relationship ends pretty quickly. Depression and suicidal tendencies never go away even with depression meds, they just get buried underneath and rise up sometimes, or all the time depending on how depressed you are anon. I was an only child, my dad and my mother both beat me, my mom and dad cheated on eachother constantly, my mom had drug induced schizophrenia before I was born, my dad walked out on me many times in my life, I've only had 2 boyfriends my whole life, the first one fucked me over incredibly badly and cheated on me as well during the whole 3 yrs I was with him. Listen. First, go get some depression meds and see which ones work for you Anon. First step. Then your life can move from there. It's not so much your life that's shit, it's your mindset. Your mind can fuck you over and tell you horrible things when the reality isn't as bad as it seems OP. Go places, do things that make you happy. Fuck, join a dating website. Join groups that have common interests with you. Surround yourself with people who are in to the things you are, then, and really only then, will you find those who understand you and eventually someone to love. It takes time. Building frendships and relationships takes time, but it's so so worth it Anon. I was hospitalized in Dec for my first suicide attempt, and I've been attempting to land on my feet for the last few months. I did all the steps above, got on my meds, surrounded myself with people who were into the same shit as me. I will admit I had a lot of fucking failures and wanted to give up a lot, but eventually I found a few friends (they aren't that great anyways) and a boyfriend out of it all. It just takes time, which I never wanted to hear, so I ended up making a lot of mistakes. Just wait, what you're looking for will come to you eventually if you do the following above, anon.
>>675709832
Nice watermark faggot.
>>675710664
I got bigger things to worry about then having a tiny watermark on my screen.
Also, don't let your past define you as a person OP. That's your past, what happened to you as a child was never your fault, you never chose that. You were just birthed in to it. Fuck your past, don't look at yourself as some shitty cuck who comes from a home of abusive bullshit, look at yourself as whatever you want to make yourself from here on out.
>>675710513
I don't take meds. Meds are stupid.
>>675711070
Same thought process I had in the beginning, so I refused. Shit didn't start honestly looking up until I took them. I wanted to make my life better w/o them. But my life being fucked didn't really matter, it was my mindset. Your mindset carries you through shitty times.
My favorite feels music: https://youtube.com/watch?v=WEQnzs8wl6E
>>675711359
Mines Skramz music or emo math music. I am an emofag.
>>675710513
Do depression meds really work? I mean the problems in my life i'm depressed about dont go away by taking some meds. Do they give you energy to do something about your life?
>>675711254
I have thought of it being my mindset. As I really only feel shitty when I think about shitty times and It all just piles up. I am never sad or depressed when with friends only when I'm alone. I hate being alone.
>>675708220
i feel bad for you and i can sort of empathize
but also your final sentence "Jesus life sucks" made me kek really hard, just a very down-to-earth appraisal of the horrors of depression. i don't know, i guess it seemed incongruous. anyway whatever you made me laugh, not laughing at you just your take on suicidality was funny and made me feel less alone
im sorry this is a retarded post
>>675711622
Ofc your problems won't go away from taking depression meds, they just help your mindset. All I could do was lay in bed all day and think about fucking killing myself before I had them. They give you an immense amount of energy to do something about your life, I literally 360'd everything around after I took them the first day or so. I was able to have more confidence without doing shit but just taking the depression meds, clean myself up and take better care of myself, try and clean up my life, and generally I had a really good outlook on my life and I could better focus and have the motivation to do something about my life instead of laying there having my depression kick my fucking ass. I hate being alone too tbh. When I'm alone now instead of thinking about how fucking disgusting my lifes been and all the problems arising I can focus on other things and distract myself. Or, if I do think about it and the thoughts overwhelm me which is a rarity now, I don't get so fucking depressed that I want to KMS. Worst depression I've had was wanting to cut and I never followed through with cutting. That's all thanks to the meds. I just take a 20 mg dose of Prozac. It doesn't change who you are as a person or anything like that, it just helps you not get so sad over stupid shit.
Where to begin. I can start by saying that my life is nothing but near constant stress and trying to keep myself sane. I could also say that my life, up to this point, has been pretty rough. I mean, daily mother and father fights about the stupidest shit. They were always yelling about sex, money, food, or other stuff. They broke up, my mother got with a meth adict, my father with an abusive girlfriend. Mother started to do crystal meth on the down low, but she couldn't keep a good secret. Father got with the spawn of Satan, yelling, hitting, emotional abuse, and she made my father her bitch. Her kids weren't the cream of the crop either. In my mother's house, she completely fucked up the keeping of the house. Black mold, always a mess, mounds of cardboard in the garage, and disregard for the yard work.
Fast forward three years, mother is still doing meth, and is taking a "hands off approach" to parenting. My brother is a fucking scumbag, due to an improper upbringing. My dad was kicked out of his ex's house after she smashed over 1000$ in expensive shit. He now lives in a trailer at a campground. My grandmother is stressing the fuck out about the house, mother still is on meth and feels targeted by the people trying to help her, my brother and I are struggling to survive off of bread for our meals, live in a constant slop of a house. Mother is now emotionally abusive and is constantly deflecting blame onto her kids. And just got news today that we may be kicked out of the house and onto the street.
Plus, add in the time my good friend fucked me over with trust and a girl. New found knowledge of my friend being gang raped twice, and have basically limited my friends to a small, contained group of people.
The worst (or best) part is, is that I'm miraculously not depressed or not suicidal. /b/, should I be depressed or suicidal? I feel like I have to stay strong for my family and friends, but on the inside, it's a almost constant war of feelings.
>>675712571
Fuck this, I'll just end up dead. I don't have anything to look forward too
>>675708220
Life does fucking suck. A lot of us can empathize with you here. Life sucks, but it doesn't have to suck as badly and can actually be fun sometimes if you go about it the right way, as in treating your depression and surrounding yourself with people who understand and have the same interests as you.
>>675712921
Fuck it dude. Kill them and move to mexico.
>>675712225
Well, you don't have to feel bad for me. It is as it is. But I made you laugh, guess it's something.
>>675712979
Your depression talking right there bud. Again, same thought process I had. You gotta try before things can get better, at least try the meds and surrounding yourself with common interested people first. What do you have to lose, anyways? You want to be dead, and you can kill yourself so easily. So, if it doesn't work and you take my advice and still feel like fucking utter garbage, then take your way out with a noose after a few months. If you take my advice I can fucking guarantee that your life will get at least half better. And if you don't feel like it's even half better, then like I said, take a noose after a while and end it. But at least try and fix your situation before you end it.
>>675713193
Fuck dude, I wish.
>>675713664
I don't want to get better. All I want is someone here for me. I want to wake up everyday knowing someone's there and that I'm there everything. I feel like bawling right now. The type of girl I want doesn't exist.
>inb4 go gay
I've tried. Not into it.
>>675712921
Had a similar situation. Dad was on meth, wasn't good at keeping it a secret, whole house became fucked up because of it, almost got kicked out of our apartment because he was dealing meth and someone ratted. Living with a relative now, dads in jail, moms living elsewhere, but for the situation I was in for all those years off and on I should have fucking called authorities and been put in a group home, Would have been better than living at my old home. You should do the same. Visited a few group homes during my years, and had a few friends living in group homes. You get fed decently, it isn't too loud and the people running it generally care about you and try to take care of you.
>>675714145
Why do you not seek to get better? The fact of the matter is that you don't have someone there for you right now to hold you and love you. So, at least for the time being the meds would make you not so down about it, and more likely to have enough stamina and energy to go out and find someone to call you their everything.
>>675713006
It's funny. I do wanna feel better, but I guess i'm also kind of autistic? I don't like to talk about my problems, I don't like talking to strangers too. Always have this feeling they are judging me, seeing me as a failure, and they are right. I'm weak, why can't I fix my shit that the rest of the world seems to do just fine? I used to look down on people talking about ending their life. I mean we don't live in Africa right? We have clean water, food a house. What kind of weak people are we bitching about petty problems?
And still. I cant seem to wake up and just be excited for the day. It always is this drag of the same shit. Why keep going, for who?
>>675714917
I don't think I've got the balls to do it. I mean, I feel like I've had it relatively easy all my life. This is a big problem and I get that, but I feel like it could be much worse. I don't think I'd be able to convince myself to do it.
>>675708220
First of all its funny that you're 23 and your hairline is receding Kek
But onto the solution
Where's your human spirit dude, you gotta be in it for the long game, get a fucking job, or scam a welfare system, rogaine for your hairline, eat right, and fucking workout, masturbate and eat plenty of protein (will enlarge dick), coffee/amphetamines/energy drink for tiredness, and hire an escort or hooker and get that pent up nosex out of your system, and practise talking to girls and you'll be fine, there's always a solution, but unless you just want to whine, /b/ is not a solution bro
>>675715171
If I seek to get better I only seem to fail.
>>675715479
You're making the same mistake I did. I wanted my situation to get better so fucking badly, but I never wanted to get help and medication and do it the right way. I always tried to make my situation better before my state of mind was, which ended up always resulting in failure. Over and over again. A lot of people have the same issues me and you have, the same problems. Not everyone fixes their problems on their own, it's actually very rare a person fixes their own mental health problems. You gotta realize that we all need help at some point, even if it's from strangers. And keep going for yourself, try to be your own will to keep going for, even though it's really fucking hard to do that. If you try and find someone right now to love, and you do find that person, but you still have this crippling depression, it will fuck up some aspects of your relationship and your mindset won't be straight to be able to deal with the problems and shit that arise in your relationship anon. Trust me, I was with a fuck for 3 years and I was depressed as hell. Until one day I realized he didn't love me, I was literally his fucktoy, his cum dumpster, plus there were a lot of other problems in my life, and that's when I attempted my suicide. < That's another reason to get yourself better before you date and have friendships and shit. When they fuck you over, who will you have to lean on? You need to be strong enough to lean on yourself sometimes, not all the time, just sometimes. And your depression won't let you lean on yourself, it'll just break you down and fuck you up if you try and lean on your own self for support.
>>675715532
Nah I never had the balls to do it either tbh. Any other relatives you can live with or some shit atm? If not that's the only choice really, to call social services, and get the fuck out of that house.
>>675708220
i read it alone to myself
>>675717066
As previously stated, my father is in a trailer. The only suitable canidade would be my grandmother's house, but I don't want to be separated from the friend group that I've made over the past spring break.
>>675709757
Joking man joking.
>>675716186
You don't know if you'll fail or not. Of course your fucked up depressed state of mind will tell you you'll fail. Honestly if you get better, the only failures you will have are making connections with other people and shit like that. As in, you talk to a girl, she really isn't in to talking back to you very much, but you're really into her, and she isn't into you, etc. That's really the only type of main failure you face after you get yourself better anon. And those are natural failures that happen to EVERYBODY. After you get yourself better you'll be able to actually deal with your failures as well and not want to grab a noose because you didn't succeed.
>>675708220
I just solved your life, where's my thank you, no wonder your shit sucks
>>675717606
You are really smart. Like jesus. I don't expect someone like you to browse 4chan. What are you doing here? Go to collage or something...
>>675717319
Ah. Sometimes you have to do whats right for yourself. Along with your brother. Even if it means making different friends, you'll at least be able to eat and have a comfortable life and shit, which I'm sure you want for your brother as well as yourself.
>>675716724
I'll have to thank you anon for replying to me. I'm going to save this thread and look at it again tomorrow. Maybe it is time to go seek help. Best of luck to you annon.
>>675717862
He's my main focus. I mean, fuck myself, I just want him to be happy and healthy. He's been oblivious to the deeper problems that have been going on.
>>675717946
I believe shell be 404d by then.
>>675717826
thanks for replying anon.
>>675717830
The reality, is I've been through a fuckton of shit in my life. The other reality, is I'm a 15 yr old /fembot/. Anytime Anon, I saw you going through pain of which I've dealt, and I just simply shared with you a different mindset, of which you can have, you just need to get better. Best of luck to you as well Anon. Do what's right, even if your mind tells you that it won't work out, just give it a try and make that step to get yourself to where you need to be. Which is on medication and with a support group of some type for structure. If you want to share contact info I'd be welcome to that as well Anon.
>>675718180
>wellhesnotwrong
fuk
>>675718128
Then as you said, fuck yourself, do what's right for him and get yourself And him the fuck outta there.
None of you sound sincere at all
>>675718817
You're right. Anon, thank you for your assistance. I've been battling myself on what I should do and I think you've helped me out a bit.
>>675719087
what do you mean?
>>675719139
Yw. Put aside all of your emotions and think about your brother if you really care about him. Before he realizes what kind of shithole he's stuck in and what kind of problems he's going through, get him the fuck outta there.
>>675705770
you're so edgy that the poor bastard is gonna cut himself with you
>>675718530
There are no girls on the internet. Be careful of saying your age if you are underage you might just get b&. Best of luck to you also. You really did help me. I hope good thinks come for you in the future and you get better. I don't have much besides kik though but feel free to text me (not in that way btw kek) ryanisepicq
>>675719545
good thinks? jesus fuck I am stupid. Good things is what I meant.
>>675719504
Yeah, I just don't want him to have any problems this early on. Hell, I'm pretty young for what I'm going through and he's only three years younger. I want to beat the shit out of him almost all the time, but I just deeply want him to be safe.
>>675719545
Nah, don't give a fuck about the mods All of them are too busy jacking off in the corner. And your right, there are no fems on the internet, shit doesn't exist. I already am pretty much better, hope you get yourself better as well. Hope I helped, it feelsgoodman.jpg to help out an anon who's going through my same bullshit. Yee you wouldn't get my tiddies anyways unless you showed me a pill bottle of depression meds or bought me a plan b, shits fucking expensive as hell and I'm broke as fuck. Ryans my faggoty 27 yr old half brothers name, noice.
I was engaged to a girl that was perfect for me in every way. She was beautiful. Half Puerto Rican, half French Canadian, perfect skin tone, dark brown hair, big gorgeous light brown eyes. Parents immigrated to the U.S. so she grew up speaking 3 languages. Intelligent as all hell.
I'm a pretty good looking dude by all accounts, but this girl was just so far out of my league it was unbelievable. We met at work, I had a huge crush on her instantly, but also instantly wrote myself off as being not good enough. Found out about a month after she started working with me that for whatever reason, she felt something for me as well. Told people I was "cute, funny, sweet, and always makes me smile." I still wrote myself off. I wasn't good enough for her. She was a couple years younger than me but had worked her ass off to get a much higher paying position than what I was doing. There was no logical reason she should have had any interest in me, but she did. Any other girl would give a shit about how little I was making or that there were other guys interested in her who could do a lot more for her. But not her, not Allie. She set her sights on me, and when she wanted something, she always got it.
We dated for a while. She wanted to get a house and a dog before even thinking about marriage. We did. And 3 years into the relationship, I proposed. A couple months into the engagement she started feeling sick all the time. Sore throat, no appetite, always tired. Doctors couldn't find shit. Months go by, still sick all the time. Finally they find it. Fucking leukemia. It's curable. She should be fine. She wasn't. Fought it for a little over 5 months before it took her life.
It's been 3 years. I'm in bed next to my current girlfriend and I feel bad because no matter how much she loves me, she'll never be Allie, and she knows that. For some reason, I'm still the guy she chose to fall in love with. I just wish I could love her as much as I love Allie.
>>675720037
That's what matters, that you care about him down deep under your rotten black heart Anon.
>>675720246
bought you a plan b? you want a skate board? I don't know about meds. I don't need tits anyway I've seen enough porn. Tbh porn just doesn't cut it any more anyway. I can assure you I am not your faggot brother. I may be a massive faggot though.
I have a 65 year old father that's somehow been reduced to acting like some entitled, petty and willfully ignorant child, it's pathetic he blames his problems on anyone who doesn't who doesn't agree with him, unfortunately I have family member that cater to his delusions in return for gaining favor ultimately resulting in some sort of financial gain or petty resolve. I find solace understanding he's just a bitter sad old man who can't come to terms the world passed him by, so he listens/watches conservative media all day to make himself feel better which I suppose it does I guess to the extent he does foolish things to me or encourages them by means of other people.
if anyone cares... i was just diagnosed with a rare type of testicular cancer that might kill me
>grew up with an undescended testicle
>finally go in to get the surgery to have it removed at age 24
>they find a "sertoli cell tumor" on it (poor prognosis for malignancies)
>although the doctors tell me that they don't think there are any signs that it has spread, i have like 8 swollen lymph nodes in my neck for over two months now
>right now i am a 1 in 10,000 statistic but will be bumped up to a 1 in 100,000 statistic if this cancer did indeed metastasize, and if it did then i have about ~15months to live.
