>be me >10th grade >have only one friend >let’s
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>be me
>10th grade
>have only one friend
>let’s call him Dave
>Dave has an odd obsession with printing out motivational posters and sending them to me whenever he thinks i’m depressed
>pretty fucking gay, but i bear it
>one day, he sends me a picture of a pigeon with the words “fly like the motherfucking wind” below
>odd, but almost a little heartwarming
>put it on my wall for extra motivation
>come back the next day to find it gone
>for some reason, i felt oddly dissapointed
>print out another picture of a pigeon, put it on the wall
>once again, i come back to find it mysteriously missing
>this will not do
>print out more pictures of pigeons place them all next to each other
>when i come back, i find them gone again, this time with a letter taped in its place
>"To whom it may concern,"
>"Posting any kind of picture on the wall without explicit permission is against the rules."
>"Sincerely, Principal Beck"
>mfw this means war
>>767331820
oh shit, are we having a long greentext story? my favorite
>ohshit.jpeg
>look around desperately for some place to hide
>suddenly, my eyes fall upon the open door of a small closet
>hear the janitor stepping towards the door
>fuck it
>jump into the closet and close the door as quietly as possible
>hear the janitor step inside
>peer through the crack in the doorway to get a look at what he’s doing
>almost immediately, he spots the poster taped to the desk
>...and the note
>fuck.jpeg
>step forward, making the door creak ever so little
>suddenly, the janitor snaps his head around...
>...and looks at me through the crack dead in the eye
>we stay like that for a few seconds
>i can feel my sphincter tightening from the anxiety
>suddenly, the janitor goes back to work like nothing happened
>after a few hours of paranoid waiting, i hear the janitor wheel out of the room, and the door closes behind him
>slowly creak open the door to find my pigeon picture and note still stuck to the desk like nothing happened
>the son of a bitch knows
>finish scrawling down the note and run my ass out of the room
>hastily slip the rest of the pictures into some random fuck’s locker, and run away, snickering to myself
>i still remember what i scrawled down on the note to this very day
>”i am the terror that flaps in the night”
>the next day
>an announcement over the speakers came on about a “mysterious school vandal has posted an inappropriate picture in the office”
>they warn that the perpetrator can and will get detention, or worse if they pursue further
>and thus, that day, my reign of terror began…
>>767331984
fuck, gimme a sec to post the whole chapter, made a fucking mistake there.
>at home that night
>print out about 30 pictures of various species of pigeons
>also scout out a roll of duct tape and a sheaf of post-its
>come to school the next day and slip them all in my locker
>pretend to have an otherwise normal day
>that is, until the school ends
>stay behind in the library to do some “studying”
>due to tutors being here today, get the go-ahead
>slip out of the library when no one’s looking
>head straight for Mrs. Beck’s office
>duct tape a picture of a pigeon onto her desk
>take out the post-its
>bright pink, and otherwise look like the post-its of a fag, but alas, it will have to do
>hastily scrawl a note with my left hand, so as to make my handwriting look different
>gotta cover my tracks
>suddenly hear… a noise
>the noise of carts rolling down the hallways outside
>it’s the janitors
>ohshit.jpeg
>look around desperately for some place to hide
>suddenly, my eyes fall upon the open door of a small closet
>hear the janitor stepping towards the door
>fuck it
>jump into the closet and close the door as quietly as possible
>hear the janitor step inside
>peer through the crack in the doorway to get a look at what he’s doing
>almost immediately, he spots the poster taped to the desk
>...and the note
>fuck.jpeg
>step forward, making the door creak ever so little
>suddenly, the janitor snaps his head around...
>...and looks at me through the crack dead in the eye
>we stay like that for a few seconds
>i can feel my sphincter tightening from the anxiety
>suddenly, the janitor goes back to work like nothing happened
>after a few hours of paranoid waiting, i hear the janitor wheel out of the room, and the door closes behind him
>slowly creak open the door to find my pigeon picture and note still stuck to the desk like nothing happened
>the son of a bitch knows
>finish scrawling down the note and run my ass out of the room
>hastily slip the rest of the pictures into some random fuck’s locker, and run away, snickering to myself
>i still remember what i scrawled down on the note to this very day
>”i am the terror that flaps in the night”
>the next day
>an announcement over the speakers came on about a “mysterious school vandal has posted an inappropriate picture in the office”
>they warn that the perpetrator can and will get detention, or worse if they pursue further
>and thus, that day, my reign of terror began…
>>767331984
U posted the wrong part 2.
>>767332245
Yeah, I know I did. Look at the part after that.
>>767332183
It's this the end?
>that night
>hatch the next phase of my plan
>somehow, convince my mom to get me a pigeon mask from the store by making the excuse it was for "drama club"
>spend a while looking at the various bird attire, but eventually find just the right one
>go home
>find my dad's camera
>set it to a timer and take a picture of myself, dressed in all black (pic related)
>spend the next few hours editing and working through a document, until i get exactly the right design
>yes, yes, this will do
>print out 50 copies
>printer is out of ink
>ohwell.jpeg
>load the printed results into my backpack, and head to school the next day
>pretend it's an otherwise normal, average school day
>that is, until class ends
>"when the cat's away, the mice will play"
>proceed to the library, once again to do some "studying"
>take all my creations with me (once again, pic related)
>post them in every hallway corner i can find
>on the lockers, on the cafeteria tables, in the bathroom stalls
>nowhere is safe
>i fight the urge to laugh maniacally as i do so
>once again, head home make the excuse i was studying
>decide to fake illness the next day to make sure my ass doesn't get beat
>to be continued
>>767333693
Watching....Waiting.....
>>767334014
and masturbating.........
>>767333693
Sorry about the file deletion there, posted the wrong pic. here it is:
>>767334184
This is an interesting story, thanks OP
>>767334184
nice To Kill A Mockingbird reference there
>come into school, once more
>Dave calls me over in the hallway
>says shit went down yesterday with the teachers, and now they're holding an assembly on vandalization
>dear god, this will be fun
>eventually, the time of reckoning comes
>in single file lines we are herded into the gym like sheep to their pens
>we sit, quietly for fear of the teacher's punishment, and wait...
>we watch, and wait...
>suddenly, the curtains of the stage open
>behind it is a crudely set up cardboard box
>and behind it arises a...
>...a sock puppet
>they made their assembly into a half-assed puppet show
>i laugh, before getting shot a look by the teacher
>quickly, i silence myself before i could get into any more trouble, and the puppet show that is meant to be taken seriously proceeds
>most of it is just cheesy vandalization no-no bullshit, but one line at the end stands out
>"and, because of this, we can't ever let a student in after school again!"
>holyshitontheliningofjesus'butthole.jpeg
>turns out the dire news was true
>no student was to be let in after school until further notice
>but this was a challenge gladly accepted
>nothing would be enough to stop the pigeon vandal
>>767334766
We had to read it in school at the time, so I figured I might as well use the name.
>>767334168
Are you outside my window?
>>767331943
samefag, OP is not being a fag so far
someone will have to screenshot this
>>767335273
I'm all over it
Moar
>>767335145
>Are you outside my window?
Say it ain't so, I will not go
>>767334940
>holy shit on the lining of jesus' butthole
this
>>767335466
Feel free to come in and help yourself.
op finish am intrigued
>>767335822
Writing it as we speak, my friend.
>>767335308
cheers anon
>that night, I hatch yet another plan
>yet, before i could put it into action the next day, i come in to face a surprise
>find a note on, of all lockers, mine
>"i know who you are"
>"sincerely, the squawker"
>during the day, i ponder how the fuck someone could have figured out about my identity
>suddenly the memory comes back
>the janitor, staring at me dead in the eyes from the closet
>mfw i have a fucking nemesis
>to be continued...
Please someone screens this and make sure it goes on to future generations
>>767336239
ohhhhhhhh shit
>>767335466
>>767335759
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, I'll be your thrill
The night will go on, my little windmill
>>767336239
I think the squawker is Dave.
>>767336239
>during my last period, ask to go to the bathroom 5 minutes before the bell rings
>teacher obliges
>wait until every single student has filed out
>soon, the clatter fades to silence
>slowly creeeeep out of my hiding place and into the abandoned school
>well, mostly abandoned, when counting the janitors
>and... the Squawker
>first order of business, get my ass to the lost and found
>this "squawker" is most likely on the prowl for me, i can't leave any tracks
>pick up a random assortment of clothing i find there, and head to the nearest bathroom
>change into a pair of jeans, some shitty DnD T-shirt that smelled of the end times, and a black hoodie
>done the hoodie, and make the quietest run i can to the office
>time to enact my wrath
>go to the printer and shut it off completely
>next, go to the computer and boot up microsoft word
>take a thumb drive out of my pocket, stored upon it would be a Word document of the very creation i made advertising the lost ostrich for my previous escapade
>copy it onto the desktop and eject the drive
>open the document and press print
>select 90 copies
>when the principal comes in the next day to print out a document, the minute she turns on the printer, she'll be getting a sweet, sweet surprise
>prepare to enact the usual routine of going home and pretending nothing happened until...
>i hear the door begin to creak
>panic.jpeg
>can't go in the closet, i went there last time
>the only place is...
>"What the..." I hear a voice say
>RUN! FUCKING RUN!
>without another thought, i barge past the figure in the doorway, and run out of the school
>somehow, i manage to sprint the entire way home
>how i gathered the energy and fitness to perform such a feat still eludes me
>i didn't sleep that night
Put me in the timestamp of this, this avian legend!
if 666 include me
Bump
Holy shit this is kek worthy
>40 posts
>17 posters
this isn't kek worthy, it sucks
stop samefagging OP
>>767338475
shut the fuck up
>>767338475
fuck off
>>767338475
It's almost as if people read threads and don't always post.
Post.moar op
>>767337341
MOAR
>the next day
>come in stiff and tired
>expecting for myself to get called to the office almost immediately, ready to pay for my sins with dignity
>though, somehow, this doesn't happen
>instead, i walk in only to have the principal barge past me, an entire sheaf of papers in her hand and swearing under her breath
>one of the papers fall to my feet
>it's the ostrich poster
>i have to stop myself from doubling over in laughter, saving myself to go to a bathroom before my sides launch themselves into orbit
>i may have gotten caught... but it was worth it
>all of it
>throughout the day, i wait for it, the dreaded announcement
>i can feel the knot of worry growing in my stomach as each minute ticks by
>and then, finally, it comes
>"will anon please report to the office, please. thank you."
>was this really the end? After all these triumphs?
>i decided not to take my end in the hand of grief, but instead take it in stride, making confident bounds throughout the halls
>finally the office
>my hand hesitated over the door, though merely for a second
>"ahh, Anon." the principal said, "thank you for coming."
>"am I in trouble?" I asked, despite knowing the obvious answer my ears were waiting to recieve
>"No, no, not at all." the principal says.
>wait... what?
>the realization dawns upon me that the squawker might not have squawked after all
>i was safe
>"we've been notified that you're friend, Dave, has been staying after school a lot recently in order to study. With permission, of course, but still... We suspect that he may be the vandal. Do you happen to know anything about this?"
>wait... Dave, the complete slacker I know all too well... staying after school?
>"N-No..." I say, trying to process what i just heard
>on my walk home that day, i take a moment to think
>Dave, staying after school of all things
>something was suspicious
>either way, it wouldn't be enough to stop the pigeon man
>go home and, as per the schedule, hatch my greatest plan yet...
I wish I had something I could pidg eon but I just can't think of anything funny
Put me in screen cap my nibba
this is literally the best shit i've read all day. I need to be in this screencap
>>767339299
be faster next time op posts and ill put u in screen cap
>>767339113
Ahhh, dave is gonna be the squawker!!
>>767339113
color me intrigued.
Bless your little pigeon hart
DAVE BETTER NOT BE A STOOL PIGEON SQUAKING MOTHERFUCKER GODDAMNIT
>>767339113
Plot twist... The principal is the squawker
>>767339113
MOAR
I feel visions of dinosaurs and floors...
>>767339851
NO PLEASE GOD NO
Plot twist. You were not gay this whole time
The tension rises ever more slowly....
Oh shit this is good. Hurry op
I wanna sleep but if I do this thread will be 404 when I return :'(
Welp, I now know what my next animation project is...
>>767331820
>So, I found who was behind of it.
Wat
>>767331820
Include me in the screenshot
nigge. rs
Dave motivated pigeon-man with pigeon poster but now Dave, seeing the great efforts of our hero trying to motivate the entire school, hatches his own plans as the squawker!
or so i predict.
>the next day
>sneak the ingredients in my recipe for destruction in the locker
>30 copies of pigeon pictures, handmade bird stencils, one bottle of lotion, a pigeon mask, and a fuck ton of duct tape
>sneak all the items into my locker undetected, boasting a grin the Cheshire cat would be jealous of
>head to class, pretend everything's normal
>the usual routine
>once again, ask to go to the bathroom five minutes before the end of the day
>somehow, that shit works a second time
>stick it out in the bathroom until the end of the period
>within, I done the sacred clothes
>jeans, hoodie, DnD shirt that smells of the end times
>head to my locker
>load the needed supplies into my backpack, so as to look inconspicuous
>head to the library
>enact my righteous wrath
>duct tape all the pigeon pictures to the walls, the shelves, and even the books
>especially the books
>all... but my 30th pigeon picture
>that one had a higher calling in life
>head to the front desk of the library
>duct tape the picture to the desk
>place down the stencil on top, and within the grooves squirt in a generous amount of lotion
>take the stencil off to reveal my creation
>lube, looking conspicuously like jizz, in the shape of a pigeon
>but that was not all
>there was the bust
>the bust of the founder of our school, sitting tall and proud in the middle of the library
>upon it, i place the crown jewel of this escapade
>the pigeon mask itself
>i looked upon the havoc i had wreaked
>a job well done
>i was just about to head out and call it a day when a voice hit my ears
>"...Anon?"
>I whirled around with the force of a thousand speeding bullets to find...
>...Dave.
>I spied a note in his hand
>the words were hard to make out, but one of them i could see clearly, even in the dim lights of the library windows
>"Squawker"
>to be continued...
Plz delivar op before I am become skeleton
Op pls I got shit to do
>>767340838
I hope i didn't wait 20 minuts to not get in the screencap :^)
>>767340838
perfection
also put in screencap pls
Really hoping this is a heckin bamboozle
Nigger tongue my anus
Cmon OP I got to get up in the morning and wallow in misery
>>767340838
PUT ME IN THE SCREENCAP
keep going OP
>>767338475
Also put me in screencap ;)
Delivar npw OP!!!!
keep me out of your filthy screencaps
fag u better post moar !
I'm almost there OP, finish already so I can too.
If y'all niggas want to be in the screencap so bad why don't you post something funny or original instead of "SCREENCAP ME PLZ!!"
>>767341893
this
>I looked at Dave in shock, and he looked at me in return.
>"Dave, I..." I said, my voice wavering.
>Dave only stood there, his mouth agape.
>Finally, I could speak
>"Why?" I asked.
>"I-I never knew. After the first incident, I thought I could use the grade. You know me, I'm terrible with work. I started by posting post its saying I knew who they were on all the suspects lockers... but... I never thought..."
>Dave trailed off, and we ended in a moment of awkward silence before he finally asked me in turn, "Anon, why you?"
>I hesitated, searching for an answer, "Would it surprise you if I said I don't really know?"
>"No, it wouldn't."
>suddenly, we hear a shout from the hallway
>"Hey, Dave! Did you find him, yet?"
>I turn to Dave in shock and anger, and I fist begins to tighten, preparing for a hit and run
>I honestly had no idea who my friend was anymore
>"Wait, Anon!" Dave whispered, before I could make a break for it, "the back windows! They're always unlocked! Get out and go home! I'll take the blame!"
>"A-Are you sure?" I ask, as the man's voice became ever closer...
>"Just go!" yelled Dave
>And with that, I ran
>ran through the open window, ran through the streets, and ran all the way back home
>I never saw Dave again until next week
>He was quiet, which was unlike him
>wouldn't talk to me or... anyone
>yet, neither of us forgot what happened that day
>>767341893
that
>>767341893
Different system, don't have my repository of over 9000 dank memes.
>>767341949
>>I never saw Dave again
>until next week
>>767340838
The Final Battle? I think so lads
>>767331820
What the fuck?
Do you live with the principal?
That it then?
Stay tuned for an epilogue.
>>767342095
Fuck no.
>>767342095
su fag
I think I cried a lil bit
>>767342158
when tho?
>>767341893
Screencap him plz
>>767342079
Shit is like poetry. Dude can write.
I wasted two hours of sleep for a shitty ending.
>>767342158
>put it on my wall
I assumed you meant the wall in your room.
Last time I remember a "wall" at school was 2nd grade.
>>767342286
That's your own dumbass fault.
OP shall be henceforth known as "The Pigeon Poster"
>>767342382
It was me the whole time. I didn't even know.
>>767342286
Hahaha. I kno right?
When Moar Pigeon Poster ?
>>767339113
Catch me in the screencap PVA
>>767342395
legit point
Epilogue:
>be me
>end of the year
>turns out Dave got suspended for a long ass time, and his grade was practically slaughtered for the year
>and yet, he was happy
>after the escapade of the library, the bust was put behind glass and the rules became so strict it would be impossible for such an event to ever happen again
>the entire school began to speak of the mysterious pigeon vandal
>though, eventually the talk died down, after all activity from the mysterious vandal vanished, and the school returned to business as usual
>until the last day, that is
>somehow, my mom had bought me yet another pigeon mask, after i convinced her i dropped the previous one into a mud puddle
>and today, it would be worn for the first and last time ever
>in my latest escapade
>my last escapade
>here i stood in the bathroom, the sacred attire worn
>hoodie, DnD shirt that smelled of the end times, and jeans
>and now, a pigeon mask
>Dave had the teachers distracted, talking with them about schoolwork and the likes
>now was my chance
>out of the bathroom I sprang, arms swung behind me Naruto-style
>through the halls I ran, nowhere was safe
>as i ran and screeched, no person was left not a witness to my undue fury
>no matter what happened after today, whether i got caught or was left to roam free, everyone would know my name
>i am... the pigeon man
>>767342600
yes
>>767340838
Put me in the screencap
Soooo was that the end?
>>767341949
>"I'll take the blame!"
Completely unnecessary, just say you didn't find him
>>767342648
21Century is calling ...
>>767342685
fuck off nigger
>>767342648
freeze frame
fade to white
roll credits
theater full of niggers with pigeon heads on and fists up
>>767342648
when does the movie adaptation come out?
Screen capped the entire page, will crop later.
Good ending OP
>>767342865
true ending right there
>>767342865
It's okay to be autistic, but honestly you're bothering me a bit with this
>>767338475
kys faggot, some people just want a story
>>767342648
A goddamn masterpiece.
Thank you OP, you have made my night.
Someone at least post/create the original pic. 'm 2 lazy.
>>767343440
Happy to help.
I was here before it was cool
One of the best stories ive read all year
>>767342648
Film series when?
preddy gud
>>767343658
>I was here before it was cool
I was cool before I was here.
righteous, based pigeon man.
neat story OP
Cropping this shit into one pic as we speak. Entire screenshot if anyone's interested: https://imgur.com/a/E8DeUIE
>>767338475
Lurking
>>767338475
learn number theory
>>767342283
>Shit is like poetry. Dude can write.
SMH
>>767345037
Damn good work!
Totally not worth it :P
>>767343999
wow
pls post cap. also include me because I fuck pigeons.
>>767331820
>>767332151
>>767332183
>>767333047
>>767333693
>>767334184
>>767334940
>>767336239
>>767337341
>>767339113
>>767340838
>>767341949
>>767342648
Legendary thread OP
Good shit my man,this is worthy of keks from the gods themselves
>>767345037
Well that was shit
make it like pic related
>>767339113
>hatch my greatest plan
Fuck
Put me in screencap xd
>>767342648
Dog Bless
