Hey there, Anon. What's up? Feeling sad? Need a hug?
Let's talk.
>>745777144
can you please save my mom
>>745777144
>have you ever sailed across the ocean Anon?
>on a sailboat, surrounded by sea with no land in sight, without even the possibility of sighting land for days to come? To stand at the helm of your destiny. I want that, one more time.
> I want to be in the Piazza del Campo in Siena. To feel the surge as 10 racehorses go thundering by.
>I want another meal in Paris, at L'Ambroisie, at the Place des Vosges.
> I want another bottle of wine. And then another.
>I want the warmth of a woman and a cool set of sheets.
>One more night of jazz at the Vanguard. >I want to stand on the summits and smoke Cubans and feel the sun on my face for as long as I can.
> Walk on the Wall again.
> Climb the Tower.
>Ride the River.
>Stare at the Frescos.
> I want to sit in the garden and read one more good book.
>Most of all I want to sleep. I want to sleep like I slept when I was a boy.
>Give me that, just one time.
>>745777144
>>745777290
>>745777246
There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.
>>745777246
Probably not. What's wrong with her? You're in a better position than I am.
>>745777274
What did you do to get it all in the first place, and what has taken the things you love from you?
>>745777290
It's 4chan. What did you expect?
>>745777429
It's not my quote it's from Raymond Reddington.
Felt like sharing it
>>745777144
Oh, you know, just considering suicide again. Nothing new.
>>745777537
Ah, that makes more sense. It's a good one. Thank you.
>>745777551
How seriously? What method looks best at the moment?
And why do you want to die?
>>745777705
Fairly seriously, but then I always tell myself that. Pills, the easy way out. Life is fucked.
Gf (diagnoesd w/ anxiety, depression, ptsd) had a depressive episode again tonight then nearly cried herself to sleep all while I was on the skype call (and still am). She also got really nervous because ptsd kinda makes her feel back in time, she'll get freaked out and worry that I'm gonna do what her ex did, or that I'm just gonna hurt her and leave.
Unfortunately, nothing new, just the usual.
How bout you guys?
>>745777429
also hey how's it going man?
Okay I'm early this time
>>745778021
Sorry to hear that man :(
I just wanted to say everything is gonna be okay. Things are tgonna get better.
Are you seeing a therapist?
>>745778021
Pills don't always work. You might end up dependent, or in the hospital. Nitrogen or a gun would be better.
How's life fucked?
>>745778352
Were you in the last thread? This sounds familiar. And difficult, and a little scary.
>>745778487
Hey Plun. What's up?
>>745778598
Yeah. It doesn't help. Thanks though.
>>745778743
why are you suggesting ways to commit suicide?
>>745778743
I don't have access to those. I have pills and alcohol available, or a rope, or a razor. Seems like an easy choice. My life is just fucked in general.
>>745778828
It's 4chan what do you expect? Compassion? Humanity?
>>745778743
Yeah, I was.
It is difficult.
And scary.
and that's just for me, I can't imagine what hell it must be for her.
but yeah it's me, same guy as last night.
>>745778980
I expected better from this kid, yeah.
>>745778743
Ah, a name for me. I like it.
I'm doing okay, I need to lay off the puzzle games though
Yourself?
Also where does this go
>>745777777
>>745777246
You will lose her sooner or later. I lost her when I was 6 and didn't understand death. You can't stop the cycle, so accept that she will be gone from your life forever. Cry if you feel like it.
>>745777144
oh thank you chink cartoon. thank you for listening to my concerns gook artwork.
>>745779219
It's mongolian basket weaving, and it's art
>>745778828
Why not?
>>745778923
My worry is that it'll end up hurting a lot more than you expect, and possibly leave you alive and crippled.
In general? Lost your job? Homeless? Family disowned you? Woman deserted you?
Life can get pretty bad, but usually there's still some hope if you dig deep enough.
>>745779001
I said it last night, and I'll say it again: I'm impressed. You're the man, Anon. You're very strong.
>>745779119
What puzzle games have you been playing?
(you are Plun, right? Am I thinking of someone else?)
I'm doing okay. Could be better. Had a stressful morning, but things leveled off at lunchtime and got pretty good during the afternoon.
>>745779219
You are vely welcome, stlange white man.
>>745778923
If you're going to kill yourself, I'd like to at least reccomend taking a stop at a psychiatric hospital. Worst case scenario, it doesn't help. But I'm sure they can help, or at least set you up with another support system that can.
It's gonna be okay
>>745779338
how does it help someone by telling them a way to kill themselves?
I miss her often but I fucked it up and don't deserve her...
>>745777144
Fenn
>>745779338
I just lost faith in things. It wasn't like one thing that triggered it, it was a slow burn of many things piling up.
>>745779444
What, and have them commit me? hell no.
>>745779555
>What, and have them commit me? hell no.
Yeah, god forbid they take efforts to stop you from offing yourself, right? Man, those bastards! How dare they?
>>745777144
>Found out today that my best friend is an autistic retard who throws a tantrum on the floor at the ripe young age of 26. That was a bit shocking.
>>745779485
If it can't work out you ought to stop thinking about her. This should happen in time, if not you need to meditate to purge her from your mind.
>>745779695
Lolwut? How did you find this out, and how weren't you aware?
vola?
>>745779392
Keep this on Discord, lest I turn to drastic measures
>>745779637
I'm not blaming them for helping mentally ill people and stopping them from doing it. But that's not my situation. Whatever, fuck this.
>>745779716
Thanks Anon!
>>745779392
What?
>>745779455
If they're committed, I can't stop them. Not gonna try anymore.
Just don't want them to mess it up and end up crippled, or dependent on something awful.
>>745779485
It's not about who deserves what, Anon. Are you sure you don't have any chance at all anymore?
>>745779523
Anon
>>745779555
I know how that is, but the feeling isn't nearly as strong for me.
Can you focus on the smaller things, and improve things that way? Take one little step at a time? I get the feeling that a lot of this is you being overwhelmed by so many things going wrong and being bad.
>>745779695
Embarrassing too, I bet. What are you going to do about it? Does this change anything?
>>745779770
Who?
>>745779838
>Not gonna try anymore.
if you aren't trying to help people, stop pretending you do.
>>745779838
Yep. 10 years ago I cheated on her. She moved and I am married. Pretty sure I'm never going back.
>>745779773
I haven't mentioned anything about the matter in here, but regardless of that, fuck off~!
>>745779784
If you're considering suicide, you have significant enough issues that measures need to be taken to ensure you stay alive long enough *for* them to help you, dear.
>>745779838
Discord.
>>745780006
Good
>>745779838
I've tried that approach, hasn't worked out. Not everything works out in the end, despite what people think.
>>745780006
You're assuming they can help me at all. They can't really.
>>745779637
>>745779555
I was committed for the same reason. It sucks and I stopped taking the medicine immediately.
Listen to me, I've been there and know the feeling. If you focus on if things are going to get better or worse, then that is your problem. No matter what happens, you are alive and that is something infinitely rare and very hard to understand. Throwing it away would be silly if it's over something trivial. You don't have to live life the way you are expected to live it, just be a good person and live in the moment. Shit will happen to you, that is life. Bearing it is something you shouldn't trade for anything in the world
Hey Fenn, newfag whose girlfriend left him is back. It hasn't been a great 24 hours, can I have a hug please?
>>745779338
thanks, I really appreciate it.
It just really fucking frustrates me that I can't fix it. More than anything in this world, I want her to be happy. She deserves to be happy. But I don't know if she'll ever be genuinely happy and I would give anything to make that happen.
>>745780118
It's not over something trivial, I assure you. Anyway I'll stop fucking up you guys' thread now sorry.
>>745780093
Mind telling me what the enormous buttplug stuck up your rear's about, boyo?
>>745780111
Who decided that? Certainly not a medical professional. Almost certainly you, the person who's considering suicide and thusly indicating a severe lapse in judgment and logical decision-making.
>>745779767
He seemed like a normal dude. He was a lot of fun to hang out with. He was my best friend and we did everything together. He had some cash and I needed to buy out of my lease and stay on his couch for a bit, and he agreed to lend me the money to do it so long as I pay him back, which I obviously agreed too.
But when I move in he has very weird rules he wants to set. "No masturbating outside of the bathroom." "Never gets to use the shower first" "Doesn't decide what's on TV" "Has to leave me an undated check with no amount on it so he can "Take whatever I want if you screw me over."
Then he keeps talking about how I am going to pay him back. And he keeps making up rules. On day 3 I set up my tattoo set *I do tattoos sometimes. It's a hobby.* It takes about 25 minutes. He is watching me do this. I'm even showing him my machine. I buzz it and he changes his mind. He doesn't want me doing it in the living room. I can do it anywhere else, just not the living room. I asked him why.
>"BECAUSE IT'S MY HOUSE MY RULES."
He get's INCHES away from my face, yelling as loud as he can, face, beat red.
>"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU'RE TOOOOOOOLD. IT'S MY HOUSE MY RUUUUUUULES."
>I call in his room mate
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
He tells me just to move it to the kitchen to stop the tantrum. My "Friend" lays down on the floor, clawing at his face screaming
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING LISTEN?!?!?
He's calling me all the names under the sun
full on....exorcist shit. I tell him he's being retarded and set it up in the kitchen. He gets back in my face.
>"MY HOUSE MY RULES! YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY! I'M DOING YOU A HUGE FAVOR AND YOU'RE DOING NOTHING FOR ME BECAUSE YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT BITCH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. I SHOULD FUCKING PUNCH YOU RIGHT NOW! REEEEEEEEEEEE"
then he ran into his room and slammed the door shut.
>>745779338
My name is Purin. Were you mistaken?
>>745779392
Hello.
>>745780111
Fuck those places but do try to get help. Just never admit you're suicidal cause they have to go all protocol on you. You can say everything else though, but when they bring up "Any feelings of wanting to hurt yourself or others?" it's gotta be a straight no.
>>745779773
Thank you.
>>745779944
Okay. I'm not helping anyone.
>>745779979
It's a bit long to be getting someone back after, yeah. Have you not moved on? Still stuck on her?
>>745780111
You're right about that. Some things just get worse and worse. Is there a chance that some of this will blow over, or change on its own? I don't s'pose it's much, but you might hope that eventually some of the problems fade and you can start to feel more normal.
>>745780168
*hugs you tightly*
Of course, Anon. Do you want to talk about it?
>>745780335
You're always welcome here, Anon. No problem is too bad or too small, or too difficult. I want you to stay.
Dunno, might need to abandon thread though.
>>745780431
Purin. Goddammit. I know a Plun somewhere too, I'm sorry. Bad with names. Now, were you the one with the ice cream sundae?
>>745777144
Hey fenn, z again, nerves frayed to death but otherwise I'm doing sorta alright
>>745780349
The burritos expired
I'm mexican and yesterday a lot of people died and lost their homes. My few friends seem to me worried about all those people but I don't care, I just want to stay at home and do the same shit as ever, to go out with them and don't give a fuck about others
Why do they even care?
They don't know any of those people
I was thinking that maybe I have a problem
>Why I don't care about anything?
During the earthquake everyone was on panic (I was on school, we are on the top of the building) and I didn't' give a fuck
Maybe because I knew that the only person that I care about was okay I didn't freaked out
I feel like I'm the worst shit because of this
Also I'm the one who was suffering because a girl was in love with his friend and him(me) with her
beautiful girl, state beauty pageant winner, 9/10 on a bad day, is into me. I'm 6.5/10 on my best day. gorgeous girl, smart, funny, isn't a slut, all the good shit. actual girlfriend material.
I had shitty abusive parents and have all sorts of mental problems. I'm massively insecure about nearly every aspect of my life but compensate well and I do well for myself socially. we're both seniors in college, both STEM degrees, both with good jobs. she's making it easy as hell to ask her out but I'm too insecure and beta. i have no problems getting wasted in her apartment with her and her friends or studying til 2 AM with her, we have great conversations, she invites me over all the time, but I'm too fucking insecure and pussyish to actually turn this into an actual relationship. confident I'll regret this when we stop talking but I'm a bitch.
>>745780364
I actually know exactly what this is like, since I live with an autist too!
>>745780349
I'm rational enough to make my own choice on the matter.
>>745780494
Too risky.
>>745780520
It's not going to blow over, no. Sorry again for bringing down the mood. I tend to do that.
>>745780520
It's alright, I'm easy to forget ;-;
And yeah, I had the sundae.
>>745780755
Well it has to be some Grade-A autism. "The good shit" Because I've never seen a full grown adult act like that. I was a pre school teacher, and I never even saw a 3 YEAR OLD autist act like that.
I know he has ADHD and ADD really bad. He's got pills for em and everything, so I know he needs those. But....what?
>>745780755
(is it you)
>>745780925
Like, am I honestly that crazy to think that if something isn't effecting you in any way shape or form, it shouldn't bother you?
>>745780758
I respectfully but strongly disagree. Especially given that the very prospect of your judgment being lapsed also implies that you wouldn't realize your judgment is lapsed. That is the very reason we rely on doctors, ie; a second opinion, to look after us when that is the case. And that's exactly why you *should* go to a hospital and, if necessary, be committed.
I don't expect pure logic to get through to you at a time like this, dear. It probably wouldn't get through to me. But I can do what I can and tell you that you shouldn't go through with it, and should seek help.
>>745780925
Yeah, those things are nothing like autism, and certainly wouldn't lead to behavior like that.
>>745777144
Idk if you remember but I came here the other day looking for advice regarding my feelings about being stood up. My suicidal thoughts have been getting a lot worse lately so I've made the decision to finally talk to my doc about it and see what can be done. As for what I have, either BPD or severe depression with a smidge of depression-induced anxiety. Problem is, I fear even on medication I'd still feel like a useless piece of garbage that isn't worth the space I occupy. I don't even know what kind of advice I'm looking for here, because I don't feel confidence in being able to change anything. If you have anything that could help me though, please let me know.
>>745780335
I didn't see or read the issue at hand, I did not mean to imply your problem was trivial.
Don't feel like you're shitting up the thread, that is your ever inquisitive conscience tormenting you for nothing. What is the issue? If you won't tell me, could you give me the scale of how bad it is?
>>745779838
What do you like to do in your free time?
Hi thread.
After watching tonight's episode of Ken Burns' The Vietnam War, My father recounted to me what he did while his father (the grandfather I never knew) was an officer and an engineer in the Army during that time, like polishing his boots every time he came home. He was never deployed, but to think if he did would likely mean that my dad wouldn't be here right now.
He told other stories this evening, but it's one of the things that mean the most to me: just shooting the shit with dad. When we were through with that I began to think how much time he might have left. The man's fifty, but also a cancer survivor and a man of action (hiker, former logger, did a shitton of stuff with the BSA) now falling apart from the inside out.
...it didn't help my feels when link related began playing on YouTube's autoplay. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TL_oJL0r0U
>>745781118
Honestly, hospitals and such terrify me. The idea of being committed is even scarier. So I don't think I'll do that.
>>745781253
It's not like any one thing. It's a lot of things gradually over time. It feels a lot worse now.
>>745777144
Yes the sads are feeling me
>>745781420
see a therapist, then. you won't be committed, and everything (medication, etc) is voluntary, especially if you're of legal age.
>>745781420
Mm.. You know, I understand that as well! God, it would scare the hell out of me... But just because something is hard, doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do, anon. Honestly... Most of the time, the harder choices are precisely the ones you should make. And you only need to be courageous long enough to sign the papers, hun.
>>745780758
Fair enough. Good luck, anon.
>>745780701
People have empathy and sympathy, Anon.
They can, and do, imagine the pain of others, and they feel that pain.
>In school
>Have to a project
>I literally have to read 2 slides off a power point
>Go up there confident
>Get like 3 words out
>Suddenly I'm shaking violently
>I seriously cannot get it together
>I can feel my face turning red
>The class looks really uncomfortable, confused as to why I'm so nervous
>Skip through the slides and then the rest of my group takes over
>Just stand up there in humilation for the remaining duration of the presentation
>The rest of class presentations go off without a hitch
>Literally no one else sperges out but me
I know no one else really cares but I don't think I can honestly go back into that class room again.
>>745781589
Already am. Just got on new meds even. They aren't helping.
>>745781639
It's really not an option. I can't go near one of those places.
>>745781681
Thanks.
>>745781732
But why I can't?
I saw some destroyed buildings and after that I was the same
>>745781837
give them time to build up, then see the prescriber to switch if they continue to not help.
>>745781837
It is. Believe in yourself. There is no, "can't". You can do anything you set your mind to.
I'm not preaching something unreasonable here. I'm not saying, "You could be an astronaut if you like!"
Of course that isn't exactly realistic. But this? This, you can most certainly do.
>>745780721
>but I'm a bitch
You don't have to be.
>>745781420
It depends on the hospital you go to. I work admissions at the highest rated psych hospital in the metroplex. The ability of a hospital to help a person is dependent on how good a hospital it is and how well the person is matched. Also inpatient is only for stabilization. To help you cope with the situation well enough to be able to make better decisions, stay safe and set you on a path to making a lifelong difference. That path just starts in inpatient, the aftercare is where "the magic happens". Also in most states if you sign yourself in you have the right to request discharge at any time. As long as the attending physician doesn't believe you are going to kill yourself or someone else if they release you, then they are obligated to let you go. Take some time to read up on hospitals before you make a decision. Anything above a 3star on google is going to be pretty damn good (remember reviews always tend towards a negative bias due to the nature of those perusing to review)
and now I'm gone *poof*
>>745781837
Which meds? I know mine took 2 weeks to take effect
>>745780600
I dunno Z, you don't sound so good. Do you want to talk about things? Have you pulled back on socializing, or tried to keep at it?
>>745780701
Dunno, you sound like a good guy to me Anon. Do others dislike you for your indifference to the plight of strangers? If they don't, I don't see anything wrong with it. Carry on.
>>745780721
Tomorrow, Anon. You're going to ask her out tomorrow.
Because this will be good for you, and good for her. Don't be afraid. You aren't going to fuck this up. You got this.
>>745780758
The mood here's always down. You're not making anything worse. I'm sorry to hear that, Anon. Wish I could do something for you.
At least you've got your wits about you, and aren't about to surrender them to anyone. You're a strong man, Anon.
>>745780903
I'm sorry Purin, I won't forget you again. See, I remembered who you were, I just couldn't attach the right name to you.
You're cute. Keep posting.
>>745781211
Look, you need to overcome that fear Anon. Nothing will ever get better if you don't even try. If you keep at it, there's a good chance that things will improve drastically. If the drugs don't help, therapy might.
Don't give up.
>>745781273
Art, basketball, stupid shit with transformers.
Used to do more of everything. Now I don't have time.
>>745781358
I have friends who have similar stories to tell, Anon. They're cool. They're falling apart.
Seems like the best people have the most problems. It's awful to watch such a great man crumble.
>>745781490
Any specific cause this time, or is the crushing feeling settling in on its own?
>>745781810
If you don't go back to the class, make sure you officially drop out or it'll drag your GPA down.
But I think you should. It would be good for you to face this fear and become stronger by overcoming it.
>>745781420
I believe you would hate being committed as I did. Please take my advice and understand your life is your own and you need not live up to anyone's standards. Life has been a bitch to me as well and I am a lonely, miserable loser myself but I try to make the most of this world I find myself in. I try to make the most of life, which is my only possession.
>>745782060
What does stupid shit with transformer mean?
>>745782060
Thing is, it's my third time taking the class. The first time I took it I dropped it because I had to do a presentation and avoided it all together.
The second time I fucked around too much and ended up with a D. Third time going through, told myself I'd do it no matter what. First presentation and it went about as bad as I thought it possibly could have.
Been seperated from the love of my life for 3 weeks. She keeps me around but every day I'm more worried she's a sociopath and I'm some sort of weird trophy to her.
>>745781837
I don't take meds but I make do. I don't mind being flawed, it reminds me I'm not a fucking drone.
>>745782060
Believe it or not it's actually not dealing with socializing for a change ^^ I'm just exhausted from being in the field doing "training" for so long because our regiment fucked up royally and are trying to make up for it.
Thanks for not replying Reisen ;-;
>>745782060
Thank you.
Unfortunately, I am growing tired, so, goodnight
what do you think about this picture?
I just want permanent unconciousness. To cease everything. My entire goal in life at this point is to outlive all of the people that care about me so i wont hurt them. Its just going through the motions until I watch all my loved ones die, then it's finally my turn.
>>745781925
I've switched a lot already.
>>745781959
No, in this case I literally can't.
>>745782045
It's really not something I can do for several reasons.
>>745782056
Zoloft
>>745782234
How are you seperated if she 'keeps you around'? And what causes this worry?
>>745782262
Can i save it?
>>745782314
Why is that?
>>745782060
Hey there, friendo. Managed to get the second half of volume two cropped last night. Only managed to get twenty pictures out of it, but I still think they turned out great. Got a few good thread relevant ones too. Here they are.
https://imgur.com/a/8jtIo
So how's your day been going so far?
>>745777144
fuck you op im fine
>>745780520
Yeah, I guess
I woke up today and was late for class. I failed my math exam because I was late, it was just a bad day. I guess that's what happens when you try to get up and do something eh? I asked the girl of my dreams to homecoming and she said yes, so I'm super fucking pumped
>>745781904
Many things of nature and nurture contribute to who you are, Anon.
Think upon yourself, lad.
I have not the memories of your past, the information of your lineage.
>>745782314
Ssris typically take weeks to months to take effect. Stick with it for that long at least. Getting on an SSRI that worked for me was the biggest thing that helped in getting my mental progress to stick
>>745782363
all yours friend.
>>745782306
we're all just living until we die, anon. may as well find something to do to make it worthwhile.
>>745782314
have you looked at other forms of treatment? how's your therapy going?
>>745782392
tell me what you think about this image
>>745782415
Wanna talk anyways?
>>745782262
It triggers me
>>745781810
anon i can safely say many people experience the same thing. the only thing that allowed me to keep going was one of the students after me who did even worse than i did. if this was in uni, i can safely say none of the other students judge or think less of you. if high school they already forgot it.
>>745782507
It's beautiful, Nevada. Just like your sterling loli chest.
>>745782491
yep
>>745782415
>>745782526
eh sure, im drunk i can chat
>>745777144
I don't feel.
>>745782443
Yeah they did mention that. But this is like the 5th I tried.
>>745782491
Therapist has more or less given up on me I feel.
>>745782392
Well I'd have to pay for it and such, which I can't. And also it terrifies me on top of that.
>>745782621
my chest is bigger than nevadas
>>745782621
but thats not me whoever you are
>>745782121
Using carbon electrodes to melt things together.
>>745782189
If you keep trying, you can make it through this. Can you ask your teacher for advice on how to deal with nerves during the presentation? He might be able to help you.
>>745782234
Can you just ask her directly?
>>745782254
Whoa. How much time do you get to sleep? That'll really start to wear you down...
>>745782259
Alright, goodnight Purin. It was good seeing you again. Sleep well!
>>745782262
I love it. Post another one.
>>745782306
Dunno if that's possible, Anon. Are you sure you are going to do nothing but hurt others? What if by convincing yourself of this, you are actually preventing yourself from doing good things and causing them to benefit? If you were a little more open, and accepted that sometimes you're going to mess up and hurt people, you'd be able to do good to balance out the bad things.
>>745782401
Oh, nice. Thank you!
My day started bad, but turned good somewhere around lunch. How was yours?
>>745782415
Good.
>>745782424
You got up and did something, and now you're taking this girl to homecoming.
It's not all bad. Overall, you're winning.
>>745782662
Not at all?
>>745777144
i have a cold
>>745781988
i'm usually not. the extent of my relationship experience is random drunk hookups with greek life girls. this girl is classy af and pretty straight edge. different type of game.
>>745782060
thanks OP. doubt I will but I don't think I'd be anywhere near good enough as a boyfriend. pretty emotionally fucked. different type of girl I guess. going to regret this but I don't think I can rock an actual relationship at the moment
>>745782630
Whatchya drinking tonight? Im broke, dry and dankrupt myself.
>>745782663
At least stick with it a bit longer then. I had luck with fluoxetine 40mg with only slight stomach problems for the first month.
>>745782234
edit, 5 weeks. Haven't cared enough to track time.
>>745782662
I don't feel much either. This is a wonderful state of being known as apathy that has trapped me for a few years.
Idk about you, but I get emotional at little day to day things but overall nothing touches me. I can get really mad, though. It does pass and I never take it out on anyone.
Really, I don't think about those in my life and don't care to see them. Does this relate to you?
>>745782731
By hurting others I meant by killing myself.
>>745782792
killed the last of the wild turkey 101, may move onto the other bourbon i got if things go that way
>>745782792
Different anon, drinking hard redd's like a gayboy
>>745782731
I haven't gotten more than 5 hours in any given night....it's making me want to crawl back in my shell
Man I just been really down recently. I struggled with depression a couple years ago but climbed out of it. I recently stopped smoking weed and drinking and I feel like I'm backsliding.
21 years old and still live with my parents, working line cook job at Cracker Barrel, all my friends are going to college or know what they want to be and I just feel lost in everything. Just feel like a total failure.
>>745782731
Ok i see, that's cool, weird but cool
>>745782792
I'm feeling the side effects though, that's for sure.
>>745782719
Aaaaah, I see, I see. Well, don't worry. Your chest is beautiful too, probably.
>>745782663
You should deal with that *afterward*, dear. As well, it being terrifying does not mean that you can't do it. It means it will be hard to do.
My favorite song when trying to remain stoic in the face of turmoil, despair, and pain.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7AQSLozK7aA
>>745782663
>But this is like the 5th I tried
have they tried any MAOIs, then? I don't know if Satori ducked out yet, but they can offer more insight into drugs than me. but it would be an avenue to explore.
you can also considering switching to another therapist. in my experience, you can call the customer number on the back of your insurance card and they can recommend you one in your area. then you can have your records transferred over.
>>745783089
Not how it works. I don't have health insurance, they're not gonna take me. I appreciate all you've said though, I really do.
>>745783041
Hey compadre I am also 21 and also feel like I'm backsliding... also have no future.
As such, I have no advice, but can only tell you I am in the boat with you.
Ah here let me slip into something of drinking age
>>745782948
Wild turkey always gives me a nice warm buzz. Good taste. Make sure to drink some water.
>>745782978
Fucking hell those things give me the worst hangovers. I mean they taste pretty much like soda but it's hardly worth it.
>>745783075
What side effects specifically?
>>745782772
>the extent of my relationship experience is random drunk hookups with greek life girls
You degenerate.
>but I don't think I can rock an actual relationship at the moment
You just have to do it.
If you're a degenerate, just stop, and keep it that way.
>>745783278
Well they said increase in suicidal thoughts is possible, so infuses that. Also some nausea and one I'm embarrassed to say.
>>745783181
What is an MAOI?
>>745783271
Even with no advice it's good to know somebody else feels the same.
I've also got two brothers who are already successful and talented and the only things I'm really good at are video games and cooking.
>>745783278
eh water can wait, just want to be drunk now
>>745782734
Got some soup to go with it? Colds are nasty.
>>745782772
If you continue to convince yourself of that, you'll never find out what would really happen. Give it a shot. If she's been coming after you and trying to make it easy, she wants you to. Despite your problems. What's the worst that could happen? You upset her?
It wouldn't be the end of the world.
But the best that could happen? Oh yeah.
If the division between "alphas" and "betas" were real, it would be this decision. To do it, or to not do it.
>>745782776
Oh yeah, so hot
Post another
>>745782934
Hm. Well, yeah, that'd probably hurt others. A lot. So it's something you might want to avoid.
>>745783024
That's pretty bad, Z. Are you unable to get to sleep now? Can you get ahold of melatonin or Nyquil to help with it?
>>745783041
You're not a total failure, Anon. You're just finishing the growing-up process. You're getting ready to begin. And you look to me like you're set. Already got a source of cash and some work experience, quit weed and alcohol? Oh yeah. You got this.
>>745783067
The carbon doesn't melt. Steel does. Melted my alligators the first time I tried.
I'll find a practical use for it eventually.
>>745783110
If my internet will get fast enough to load it, I'll listen to it.
>>745783378
I meant "i guess" not infuses. Stupid autocorrect.
>>745783432
>hot
a-are you coming onto me fenn
>>745783041
>I recently stopped smoking weed and drinking and I feel like I'm backsliding.
You need to taper off, like with heroin.
>>745783203
Oh? And what's the harm in trying, I wonder? What, exactly, is the worst case?
I'm a shit ball of depression-anxiety-ADHD lately. The best I've done was when I was taking care of a femanon who was a little worse off than me. I'm a hopeless romantic who loves tickley cuddly loving sex. And I'm poly. If you're femanon or nonbinary-anon in Bay area and want to talk about mental health, I'd love to. I just want to give my heart to you.
Hello. You can call me Rugo. I am the mortal god.
I travel the omniverse. Every possible existence, in all of infinity and eternity.
I'm stopping by here for a bit to look around. What is this place like?
>>745783378
You should definitely let whoever prescribed them to you know about suicidal thoughts. Nausea and diarrhea typically go away after a bit though.
>>745783432
It's not that I physically can't sleep, it's that I can't because of the training. It's my first actual field exercise so it's all new to me but still. Plus socializing so much is tiresome but I've gotten better.
But now I'm alone with my thoughts more so that isn't good....honestly I feel like a train wreck and I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or something else
>>745783526
I did taper off with weed but I was never a heavy drinker in the first place.
>>745781358
Enjoy him while you have him anon. I lost my dad when I was 15 and I regret not taking time to just hang out with him and bond with him. It keeps me up at night that I took him for granted
>>745783278
Yeah I know, but I'm so used to hangovers by now
>>745783388
The pressure must be nerve-racking, but you are your own person. It's hard to escape from that but you have to understand you only have as much obligation as you give yourself.
>>745783203
As a followup...
There are three options, as for what will happen. They will send you to a free clinic, try for emergency medicaid or they'll call the local county and call in an evaluation, which depending on their findings, could lead to assistance anyway.
>>745783590
>I am the mortal god.
What is a mortal god?
>>745783378
MAOIs are earlier-generation treatments for depression. sometimes they'll work where an SSRI won't, and sometimes SSRIs will work where an MAOI won't.
please talk to the prescriber regarding your suicidal thoughts.
>>745783402
At least chug some before you move on to the bourbon. The night is young.. i think
>>745783825
Mine can last me for most of the day so I just avoid sugary alcohol. Just normal redds, then? Tried the raspberry ones?
>>745783544
They commit me involuntarily and who knows what happens from there.
>>745783645
I guess that'd be prudent.
>>745783843
Again I really don't want to do anything involving the state putting me away.
>>745783888
I see. I could ask.
>>745783825
I'm the guy with brothers.
I see the disappointment in my parents eyes every time someone asks me what I've been up to when they ask about me and my brothers
>>745783525
I am. Give me more, baby.
>>745783587
Which bay area? I'm no woman, but I'll listen to your woes from afar.
>>745783590
Neat. This place sucks.
Don't waste any more time here. Unless you want to. Got something on your mind, Rugo?
>>745783664
Good to hear that you're getting better at it. I think you're depressed, Z. It can hit you pretty hard, especially when you're alone. I wish I could be there for you, but all I can do is listen and talk.
You're strong, and you're going to survive this hardship. I know you can.
>>745783843
take over for me. I need to make an urgent phone call.
>>745783884
I am omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent.
But I am finite. In the universe of my origin, the center of my being, I will eventually die of age, injury, illness, whatever means.
So I travel the omniverse, to experience everything I can before I go to the afterlife.
>>745782731
My day was perfectly uneventful with it being one of my off days in between classes. Got to sleep in, took a decent nap in the middle of the day, and now unwinding for the rest until more work to do tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's going to start picking up during the upcoming weeks, but I've handled worse. Must've been a pretty damn good lunch on your end for it to 180 your mood like that.
>>745783994
sorry im shy
>>745783884
Really, really lame, for one thing!
>>745783959
It isn't involuntary if you go there, voluntarily. All you're doing is making excuses. And you know, that's fine, that's natural when one is scared. But you should do it anyway. Because it could save your life.
>>745783995
Understood.
>>745777144
Best friend came in from out of town, immediately goes out with girlfriend that I helped set him up with.
I feels so alone, but at least he is happy ;_:
>>745783955
im coming down from it alrewady, should probably finish up with 4chan and jerkin it soon
>>745783994
It might be my depression hitting me again.....I have been thinking about my failed love life a lot lately
>>745783994
I usually have too many things on my mind. I like to fill all the empty space with something.
If I don't, then I start thinking about things I don't like to think about.
This place doesn't seem too bad, though. Not compared to where I've been. I've seen a infinite versions of hell.
>>745782356
Bad phrasing. We're not together in a romantic sense anymore, and she's made it clear she will never want to date again. However, she invites me out everywhere she goes and doesn't talk to me, just has me follow her around like a dog on a leash. I feel so fucking powerless but love her too much to fight it.
There isn't anything about my life that is terribly awful. I like to think I'm reasonably attractive, Ive got depression but I function fine, I have some anxiety habits but I'm pretty accustomed to them, OCD and the "AD" part of ADHD.
None of that of those are extreme on their own, but they've all been getting too me lately. They all make the others worse, and it's been a pretty steady decline for about a year. Every time I think about it, I just see that whatever problem is bothering me at the moment wasn't enough to justify feeling shitty, and feel guilty about feeling shitty. It continually goes in a circle of feeling bad, then feeling guilty, then feeling worse, and on and on. Even now I'm only saying this on an anon board. I'd never say it to someone I knew cause then I'd feel guilty about them wasting their time on something that was just me being a weak person.
Sorry for the complaining, but I never get a chance to vent this out :(
>>745783955
I used to drink normal redd's but it got too expensive, I'd drink it like juice. I drink the 16 oz redds wicked apple 4 pack cause it's like 8 dollars to drunk plus some left over, not to mention it tatses good
>>745784100
Right but I've heard the horror stories of people being put in against their will. My dad did his residency in the pysch ward, told me all about it. No thank you.
>>745784041
Being mortal sucks, huh?
>omnipotent
Can you make me immortal?
I don't want to die.
>>745783590
Hi Rugo. This place is a game, and the game is how long you can lie to yourself about being happy until you find otherwise. Then itll give you something to take ease with. Then itll take it away.
I'm 18 and have no clue what I wanna do with my life. I have career gpa of 1.7 and no college will want me. Depressed and stressed on what I'm gonna do with my life
>>745784146
Take a shot, drink a glass of water, go treat your dick like a queen and go to bed.
>>745784257
Trades are very under appreciated, a family connection can be helpful for advice in the fields
>>745784257
Dude I had a 3.8 in HS and had no clue what I wanted, and still don't 3 years later. Try not to stress it, just find a job and work until you find something you're passionate about.
>>745784314
I keep forgetting just how smokin' Revy is.
>>745784244
I cannot.
I mean, I could, but I couldn't. You wouldn't be immortal in the classical sense, you would just always somehow stay alive by your universe's own logic.
I don't think you'd want that.
>>745784245
I don't like this game.
>>745782060
They don't care if I care
Im just not happy, and I don't know why.
>>745784364
>>745784361
Thanks guys
>>745784314
jacking off while drunk sucks. i always have the most underwhelming orgasms when ive been drinking
>>745784225
Those are stories. And I will say one more time... This would not be involuntary. Regardless, you're not going to be filed away into some psych ward and never heard from again. This is 2017. And certainly not for SIMPLY being suicidal, which is much less troublesome than a lot of other problems people are commonly "committed" for.
>>745784179
... All you have to do is show up one day with another girl, anon. That problem is simple. An abundance of confidence can be generally dealt with by showing that you have alternatives.
Alice is a sociopathic transexual
>>745784428
I don't either.
>>745784450
I never feel good after a drunken fap. But after a drunken fuck with a real life girl, it's the best ever. I usually pass out right after.
>>745783970
That must rape your pride... in this situation I can only say you should be rational. You aren't your brothers, and what anyone thinks of you is irrelevant. Have you heard of stoicism?
>>745784314
just need to find something worthy of finishing to. prob bro / sis incest on motherless
>>745777144
Just had a really long speed fap, and now I feel sad I did speed at all since I had a good run where I stayed away from it. Beats me why I even did it in the first place
jill?
>>745784428
>I don't think you'd want that.
I just don't want to die.
>>745777144
Chek'd
Just a quick hello.
I'm at work, with s little down time here.
>>745784541
Heard of it but never considered it before
>>745784599
Jill was called away by an emergency matter. Can I help you, hun?
>>745784192
Noted. I wonder if they'll fuck me up as bad as the normal ones.. then again I am usually happy with a hopsy beer or some whiskey.
>>745784407
Best girl
>>745784450
Really? S' a shame. I didnt know you could whiskey dick yourself
>>745784556
I have basic bitch taste when I'm drunk. I usually fap to normie tier shit on /gif/
>>745784656
no
just call him a faggot for me
>>745784495
Hm. I'll do some research and see if you're right or not. I'll think on it for a bit.
>>745784664
dick functions the same with whiskey wether theres a girl or not, orgasms just fuckin suck
>>745784664
i get drunk to to feel bad about fapping to degenerate shit
>>745784702
I'll do so, lovingly.
>>745784703
All I can do is wish you luck, anon. You can do it, I promise you that.
Where are the free blowjobs?
>>745784650
It's one of the only philosophies out there I think is of serious use to everyday people everywhere. I'm not a diehard fan of it but I do hear it has helped many people be calm and cool and reasonable. Here's the wikipedia page if you give a shit
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism
>>745784798
Reisen why do you hang yourself?
>>745784842
they're on grindr anon
>>745784602
In all universes, even if there isn't an afterlife, your soul goes to one.
The world between all worlds, the "Afterlands" as the scythe-wielders like to call it.
The Third Faction has watched over the omniverse for aeons. They make sure no soul is destroyed.
After your eyes close, they open again, in shallow pool in a cavern. You will walk down a sandy, worn path, and emerge in green fields. Tall grass swaying in the gentle breeze.
In the distance, a tower of white and black. The residents: Samoth, Matthew, and Orestes. The scythe-wielders.
>>745784702
Kek
>>745784862
You probably mean "don't". And lots of reasons, starting with that being really really not the best way to go.
>>745784664
Redd's wicked is delicious and 8%, you won't be too disappointed. Not just shilling, I'm on a whole redds wicked phase right now
>>745784857
I'll check it out. I do have unrelated anger issues but I've been working on it and making great progress in the past few months.
>>745784898
Thank you so much
>>745784989
Redd's ain't bad.
life is fairly shit in general. go to school, go home, maybe work a few hours part time, that's it. i honestly don't feel my life is going to improve in the future, and the grind of all this shit is probably going to be similar to what the rest of my life will be. i know there are ways I could improve myself but I feel little motivation to do anything these days.
>>745785005
Interestingly enough, I have had anger issues all my live, so I doubly suggest stoicism.
>>745777144
Not sure if you remember me but I was the Snapchat thot anon from last thread. Never felt so lonely. I wish there was just someone who understood me yknow. Probably just gonna kill myself lmao, not like anyone would ever want a filthy degenerate like me in the first place
>>745784898
I want to believe.
>>745785022
Look for Samoht. Call her name.
Tell her Rugo gives his regards.
I hope only good things for you, friend. I may see you yet again in this field of anonymity.
>>745785170
Mine only started when my only serious gf ever broke me, I was pissed at myself and everything else so I was angry all the time and had a very short fuse. But that was over 1.5 years ago and like I said I've been working on it.
>>745785175
Why do you need anyone to want you?
>>745785100
You're going to school and working for a reason, right?
>>745785175
>I wish there was just someone who understood me yknow.
Maybe we all would like someone like that.
>>745784062
It was a good lunch, and I got to talk to a friend I hadn't seen in a while.
Good that you had a decent day. You sound pretty well able to handle whatever may be ahead.
>>745784068
That makes it hotter. Can you post a whole bunch, really fast? Like, eighty of them?
>>745784129
Melancholy, Anon? You did a good thing. What is left for you?
Don't forget about yourself when helping others. You'll be miserable forever. Do things for yourself, and only for yourself sometimes. That's okay.
>>745784148
What's been bringing it to mind? Just random thoughts? There could be a positive future for it, Z. Don't forget that.
>>745784175
I know how that is a little too well. This place has seen better times. I'd recommend strongly against getting too deeply involved, but if you want to I can't stop you.
>>745784191
Do you have meds or a therapist for your problems, Anon? Those could help. You should never feel guilty for feeling shitty. That's stupid. Your problems are real, and you should acknowledge that to yourself.
Complain all you want here. That's what this thread is for. Nobody will hold it against you.
>>745784257
College is overrated. Look into trade schools, as >>745784361 said, and work connections at smaller jobs to build your way up. You can get ahead, Anon. You can at least survive.
This is not the end, nothing is ruined. You're doing okay.
>>745784442
That's good. You're set then, right? Nothing's really wrong.
>>745784445
It's an awful feeling, Anon. You may just need to wait for it to pass. It should drift on eventually. If it doesn't, something's really wrong and you need help. How long have you been unhappy?
>>745784499
So what?
>>745784572
Well, don't do it again. Just move on from here. Don't dwell too much on it, but avoid whatever led you into doing it this time if you can.
>>745784629
Hello! Good to see you again, Mantis. Sorry I didn't notify you of the thread this time. It seems to have been taken over.
>>745784495
Thanks for the advice.
>>745785387
are you sure you want that
>>745785022
Don't hide from reality or you'll be lose to it. Longevity and immortality exists within our reach through genetic engineering and other sciences, but research must be done and progress must be made.
Get into life extension research and live forever, or RP on the internet and die an obese husk at the age of 35 from a heart attack. Your choice.
>>745785387
Yeah I guess, or maybe I should just recognie the fact that I'm addicted for life and need to stop being so damned insecure about it. I don't know. It's good though, I missed it
>>745785287
Love can do horrible things to someone, especially to the unexperienced. You may have relived childhood wounds through it that caused personality changes, or not. I know I had a little personality change after my first and greatest relationship.. it's like you gain something and lose something from it. I don't mean to sound too deep or like i'm spouting bullshit, I'm trying to seem as genuine as I am
Life has no purpose. I want to die.
>>745785708
Get a gril
>>745785667
Thanks. That does sound a little too deep for me. But I know I made some mistakes in that relationship and I've tried to better myself overall. Just been feeling like a piece of shit as of late.
>>745780903
Purin! How are you tonight?
>>745785708
Life has no purpose? Do you mean collectively or your life? Life isn't some sentient thing that has an end game, you have to supply yourself with purpose.
>>745785708
Does life need to have a purpose? Since life has no grand purpose, you get to decide your own purpose, Anon. It can be whatever you want it to be.
Even knowing that, do you still want to die?
i just found out my crush got herself a boyfriend, I'm kinda struggling to get over it
>>745784842
Neptune isn't in tonight, sorry. You'll have to get your blowjobs somewhere else.
>>745785100
Don't you have the motivation to break from the grind, to add some interest? Make a change for that reason.
Improve your situation.
>>745785175
I don't remember you, I'm sorry Anon. Don't kill yourself over loneliness though. There are better things to die for.
If you meet enough people, you'll eventually find one who understands you. Don't give up, Anon. Keep hoping.
>>745785471
Absolutely. Do it now.
>>745785565
Going cold turkey is hard. You could try going off it more gently, like slowing down to doing it once or twice a week, and then less and less often.
>>745785708
So what if life has no purpose? Does that matter? Do it anyway. Enjoy it, and make something good for the people around you. It's worth the effort.
>>745785865
Oh yes. Don't stop.
>>745785926
yessir
>>745785708
Life has no purpose. I want to live.
>>745785708
In all the worlds, or "universes" as is the less slang terminology, I have been in I have discovered that of the ones that are in this certain "cluster" we inhabit (similar laws of reality), purpose isn't something given to you.
Purpose is something you decide you want to do. The world will never tell you what to do, because it doesn't care.
Not in the sense that you are insignificant, but that you aren't "supposed" to do anything, really.
Life is what it is, and however you make it out to be.
>>745785917
Should've taken your shot while you had the chance, Anon.
>>745785926
Yeah, the friend I did it with recommend I don't set my goals too high with quitting and decide for a start to only do it in weekends.
