Lets get a real feels thread goin /b
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Lets get a real feels thread goin /b
>>710430383
>be me
>be 7, 1998
>dad dies of agents orange
>fast forward
>be 26
>good job, wife, kid on the way
>saw an old home movie during home visit
> the memory of my father is all but vivid.
>get upset
>end up abandoning wife, moving to new Orleans.
>new job, ex wife gives birth
>I have absolutely nothing to do with the kid.
>I miss my daddy
>>710430383
My only goal in life is to save up enough money to visit Alaska with a rifle and a decent supply of ammunition plus good gear and seeing how long it takes for me to die in the wilderness.
I want it to look like an accident plus I was to see something beautiful before I die.
I want to be forgotten.
>>710432896
This kind of shit is partially why I don't want kids. I don't treat my parents like this but no amount of good parenting could prevent this if that is how the kids is.
This, plus the chance of them becoming a whore/man-whore/sjw type is enough reason to say no kids for me
>>710432960
>fuck
>u
>c
>k
about to go to a concert and I'm feeling anxious and depressed. what's wrong with me?
>>710431773
Well ive been seeing my story a lot lately, im glad people have taken an interest to it, if anyone has any questions id be happy to answer them -Adonis
>>710433707
Nothing is wrong.
Allow those thoughts to vanish, and think how much fun you're about to have.
>>710433675
It's entirely possible that at that specific moment you are the only human looking at the moon. Not likely, but possible.
>>710433394
why is life shit
I will join in...
>Been depressed since I was 15/16 because I am a lonely faggot (23 now)
>Bi sexual, haven't come out about that but whatever.
>To afraid to talk to others about how/what I feel.
>Very few know what is up, why I have dating issues, why I feel the need to repel others from becoming close to me
>Its crippling me everyday waking up alone
>I don't want a relationship I just want a hug and a thought to know everything is going to be okay
>I use to comfort eat then resorted to anorexia to the point where my kidneys started shutting down. Then resorted back to cutting.
>The depression has added up and my every thought has either been of those I feel connected too or what could of been my possible relationships.
>Going to most likely off myself soon. Sick of being angry at myself for my issues. My petty fucking issues.
>My friend knows and I've seen it taking a toll on her lately so I've been faking being better lately to make her happy. I care more about her being happy then I do myself. Life is pointless Life is life.
>Death would be by blood thinners, anti depressant OD and slit wrists in the woods by a lake I've always loved.
>>710433765
ive seen you in a few of these threads, any advice?
>>710434231
The very thing you want the most, might actually end up being the thing you'd least want. If you're not mindful, you might find out too late. -Adonis
>>710433939
I'll try my best anon, thank you.
>>710434112
happiness doesn't come from other people, anon.
you'll never find the comfort you seek until you learn to accept yourself and strive to be better.
Somebody tell me about their friends and what it's like to have a close friend group
All I want is a group to be loyal to but I can't find anywhere to be included. Honestly all that matters in life is having friends and feeling included and I can't find that in this shit town
Have you guys ever knew what it felt like to have your entire world crumble in front of you?
>be me
>be 16 and living great life
>have qt gf with tight puss
>hang out with a group of friends
>we all end up on a field trip on same bus
>all sit in back together because we felt like "rebels" that day.
>drive is 8 hours
>night approaches
>gf sleeping on my lap
>the whole bus is quiet
>suddenly hear screeching and the sound of a crash
>whole bus out of control and flips
>I'm flying
>black out after head hits ceiling
>wake up
>doc says was in coma for a year
>says me and a some random girl were only ones left
>that random girl and I end up fucking
>she has the baby
>name it Jim
>thanks Jim
I miss you Kevin. I would have really liked it if we could have traveled for a while and gotten to know each other. You were kind of special to me, you got my mind off Aaron. You were just the type of relationship I needed right when I needed it; I was looking forward to that. It doesn't help that O can't stop thinking pf you, and day dreaming how much fun we might have. Will this never end?
And Victor, my friend. I still think about you from time to time. I wish I knew what happened to you, why you broke contact like you did. I hope I didn't get you in trouble with the parcel I sent you. But what ever happened, I hope you're doing well. It would have been nice to see Spain and France with you; and to have you next to me when Aaron left.
(I can continue, if anyone is interested)
>>710434387
Don't put pressure on yourself to have fun.
Just allow the moment to flow organically.
>>710434548
What makes you think you can't have friends?
>>710434453
I always got happiness out of helping others, heck if it was as simple as helping a lady to her car in the weather it brought me happiness. Simple things always made me happy. I've grown to accept myself as what I am. A person who is to afraid of his own thoughts for his own good. Getting sick of being this way, really tired of it.
>>710434548
It's really great. You enjou each other's company and you rely on each other for emotional support. You know the other one is going to be there regardless of the situation so it's never truely hopeless. Their happiness even begins to impact your own. There's nothing better, really.
>>710434613
Please do
>>710434548
Well, I have a friend group of maybe two. There is me, the other part of me that I let out when I'm alone and goofing off, and my brother.
Recently, I've started to stop separating my two identities. So I have one friend. My brother, who is five and a half years younger than me.
I am still my main source of social interaction, if you can call it that.
>>710434613
>>710434825
And Jasper, you're one of my best friends. It gets lonely without you. I really hope you're up for traveling over Christmas. The holidays aren't the greatest time for that but I would be excited to see you. As fun as that would be, maybe January would be better. If I got called in over the holidays, I'd be making over time pay and I kind of need the money, but what ever works for you. You’re who I talk to when I start to lose it, you have no idea what that means to me. I’ll always remember the first few times we talked, those were the best.
Hey, Navarre. I really regret making the trip; not because of the money but because we only got to see each other once. I more regret that I missed my bus out of Minneapolis, lost it while I waited for my sister, losing my tickets in the process. It was really fun to hang out with you when we had the chance though and hopefully we’ll see each other once more before we leave. And I hope you visit some time before next summer.
(2 of 3)
>>710434613
>>710434825
>>710434971
Dell, thanks for the shirt, it was really excited to find it in the mail box. I have it still and will treasure it, though I've managed to get a few coffee stains on it, sorry about that. It was nice knowing you, we got along well and I liked having someone from Australia to remind me of the good times.
Mariner, you bubbly fuck. I hope you're as still happy as you ever were, you really deserved it. And i remember you had a hard time when you first moved out on your own but things seemed optimistic. I hope things have continued on that trajectory.
Beli, if you ever need help killing your rapists, I'm your man. I'm sorry we didn't get closer.
(3 of 3)
>>710434673
Nothing makes me think I can't have friends, I just can't. I live in a really shitty town and go to a really shitty school and I just don't know where to go to make friends.
something like this would be gr8 but less reliant on the other people. Like you don't have to rely on them, they're just there when you need them. >>710434823
>>710434807
I don't know all feels, but I know this feel.
I love helping others too, and I thought that just helping others would be enough to make me happy.
You can find some temporary happiness from that, but the true sense of confidence and general happiness is something that you have to create for yourself.
Its difficult at first, but you'll find it gets easier as you progress.
>>710434548
I've had two of them before, vivid memories of laughter and excitement tbh. Until, things get worse for me and my best friend, we never see each other again. I stay with the two others but they seem to not even know me anymore.
>>710435162
I imagine you have some hobbies, find places that like minded people gather.
Even if you think you're the only one that holds the interests that you do, you don't.
Find people that like the same shit as you, and hang around them until you fit in the group.
>>710430383
Why don't we all get a real "teach me comp sci skills" thread going instead so we all get rich and never feel sad? (plz don't pelt me with rocks)
>>710430858
Fuck
>>710431474
Beautiful
>>710432693
Cringe
>>710432896
Someone loves you, so you SHOULD love them back because of how genuine it is? Logically doesn't make sense, but still moves me
>>710432930
Exploiting mirror neurons
>>710434387
This thread makes me depressed
I enjoy writing
1) because I can be crazy and talk to myself without people judging
and
2) because I can make cool people talk to me/about me in ways people never will/have in real life
â–²
â–² â–²
>>710435681
fug
>>710435533
sorry for depressing you anon, I just want to fit in honestly
>>710432693
this happens to me everytime, what do?
>>710435681
â–²
â–² â–²
>>710435238
Temporary happiness is better then crying yourself to bed, having nightmares waking up and regretting breathing, going to work to do nothing worth while to get off to repeat.
My father was abusive towards my bro/sis/mom. They aren't related to him by any means. I've since then disowned him. I mostly fear I am what he is which is why I can't get connected. He's a user, I am too, a eating disorder user, as am I, has anger issues, as do I, among other things. I am what I fear, someone who did wrong. My genes will catch up with me sooner or later and I will start to suffer from that. I guess in the end we all have our issues and I need to solve them. Sadly this is a solution and its up on the list.
>>710434871
then where am i at? am i playing with no weapons? how do i get weapons? would anyone blame me for turning the game off now?
instead of picking up weapons, i can pick up some alcohol, some xanax, some bleach. i can pick up a rope. the awning out back would hold my weight, for sure.
I like her so much. Took me so much energy to act through the depression and fake my own confidence.
I only asked her out today but it means the world to me. She stopped me from suicide twice by now. I want to be with her. She's so nice, smart, hot.
I gave her time to think about her answer but something deep down tells me it's already a "no".
She knows too much about my depression, it's gotta be a turn off.
Not really a feelsy post, just had to get it out
One of my only 2 friends tried to kill himself and ended up in the hospital for a week. I went through the same thing actually. I love him. Not in a gay way. But he's like a brother to me, I never see him anymore because he's halfway across the country but God damnit I miss getting fucked up and hanging out with him. Those drunken highschool nights seemed so much easier.
>>710436085
Take her hand and give back what she did to you. Show her what she means. Better to return the favor and show that you are thankful then it is to be a ungrateful person.
>>710434112
>>710434807
>>710435898
All me above.
>>710436085
Text her and ask
>>710435898
Happiness gained from others is like a drug.
As you rely on it, you'll find you need more.
As you find it less, you'll feel even worse than you did before.
It's a vicious cycle of self destruction.
You've already acknowledged the person you don't want to become.
So don't.
Nobody writes your future for you. It's u to you to decide who you want to be and why you want to be that way.
>>710436085
Destroy that pessimism.
Don't think of what could be wrong, think of what could be right.
Take time to show that you do care for her. Don't be a fucking creep, but demonstrate that you care for her more than just being an emotional crutch.
I've been having regular sex with my old crush after bumping into her in a bar. We're both in long term relationships.
She said she loves me today.
>it's a my life gets more complicated kinda episode
>>710436820
Its hard to change something that shows destruction.
>A 1 by 6 with a crack that's glued back together is still broken, its only been altered to appear truly fixed. At the end the fibers are still broken and disconnected.
My mind state lately has been hitting hardier and hardier lately. I was already at this point 3 months ago but its just gotten worse. Its hard to change something that is already here and is within you...
>>710436085
Eh, look man. I was honestly in a similar situation. I wasn't obvious with being depressed but I was in a depressed swing. I asked her out, she said yeah, I thought it went well, try to get her out a second time for two months, one day she essentially tells me to fuck off.
I'm glad she did because she snapped me out of my infatuation. I realize now no one is going to make me happy. I'll feel happy when it happens. I can't make it happen. I can do things that I think will make me happy but I can't make myself happy. Just like I can't stop myself from breathing forever, or my heart beating.
I want to feel happy, sure, but it's better to just do what you think will make you happy. If it's asking her out, do it, but don't hold out for guaranteed results. Better off focusing on yourself and trying to come up with some sort of goal.
I don't have any at the moment, except to die before I turn 35. That makes life a little more interesting (not really though tbh fam)
>>710437428
You're in a serious relationship AND you're getting laid on the side?
boo
fuckin
hoo
Two years with my girlfriend, broke up today because she decided she wanted to live and go to school in her home town. I'm moving out of the country. She said she'd be there for me, with me, forever. I loved her like no other. Even offered her free school, job in teaching when she graduates, and a happy life. What more could I give her? So much history down the drain today. I walked home crying, came home crying. We broke up in the past before. 2-3 times and it took no less than a week for her wanting me back, but I'm leaving the country in two weeks or so, do you think she'll miss me? Do you think she'll come back? Live with me? Maybe she's in a weird place, and takes anxiety medication too. God, I poured all of me out for her, she sees this, says the same, but today, today was something I never expected.
>>710437641
There are different kinds of feels brother, just because you don't feel them doesn't mean they aren't there.
I'm tired of all this newfag "Oh, I broke up with my girlfriend," type-shit.
Fuck this
Goodnight
k
>>710437453
If it's proven destructive that's all the more reason to change.
Everyone walks around with their cracks, and chips, but we find ways to get passed them.
Mind set is entirely on you to decide that you want to change.
I'm telling you the truth, anon.
You'll never find the happiness you need in other people.
>>710437641
Feels come in all shapes and sizes, anon.
I think it's about time to end it guys.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I know I have no friends to invite.
>>710438293
Mine is on the 9th. No one will know.
>>710438254
I'm close too
>>710438293
Do you at least have family? I have that, still. Sometimes it's terrible though, because I feel like such a failure
>oh, anon, happy 2Xth birthday!
>everyone's here
>no friends from work? Oh, that's OK!
>have a girlfriend yet?
>don't worry, you'll find the right girl XD
>Well, see you tomorrow for breakfast
>>710438108
I don't know at this point its been 7/8 years now and its who I am I guess. Hows life on your end?
>>710438602
I do have a family but lately I've been at fault of every problem we have as a whole.
>>710438293
>>710438497
I'd throw both of you a kick ass party
>>710438731
Oh, I see. Well, I'd say happy birthday but I don't know you, and honestly, I fell worse when people emptily tell me things online so I won't do that to you.
>>710438254
Nah, Anon.
It's not that time yet.
>>710438293
Happy birthday Anon!
>>710438656
It's never too late to change yourself for the better.
Visualize who you want to be, and strive to be that.
I know you can do it, bro!
I lost my job and I'm getting kicked out of my apartment.
>>710439023
>this poster
>>710439078
I love you too, Anon.
>>710430383
>>710439226
Like, honestly, do you believe anything you're posting or are you trolling the only people who share actual emotions on /b/?
>>710439023
One sorry about your job, any luck with anything so far?
Two wanted to be a trapper and live like Dick Proenneke, thats not a option as one, I am broke, two its not logical and at this point would be dumb to attempt.
>With all change comes good but with change it brings pain and misery. No matter how much you change you will forever be the same. A painted wall is still the same color on the inside.
>>710437668
Those meds do weird things to people. My ex of two years went really weird on those things. She was on different kinds of antidepressants on and of for God knows how long before I knew here too. But with the last batch she just went full zombie and drifted away from me to hop back on the cock carousel. It's been two months now and I've sorted through a lot of pain and confusion. Expect to go through a lot of the same mixed emotions but I'd try your best to drop all contact with her for a long ass time. It will only get worse otherwise. Good thing you are leaving the country. You'll get some space to breathe and clear your head. I wish you the best of luck because I know it's really hard to get through. Only just starting to crawl out of the ditch myself.
>>710439023
Been watching for a while.
Question: What if I don't want to be "anything"? I don't feel passion, I don't enjoy anything.
All i wanted to do was to hold you and tell you that i love you
But
All i do now is hold on to an unrequited dream and try to remember how love tasted
>>710439596
Thanks, Anon. It means a lot. I'm just so confused. The girl I knew changed in a day. The girl who would never give up on, said she'd always be mine, marry me in the future, always takes about kids, said "sorry, I do love you, but I can't". I'm in a shitty mind set right now. I'm lucky to be leaving this crap hole. I got so much to look forward to, but I wish she'd be by my side, ya know...
>>710438497
Mine's on the 9th as well, 22, no friends.
Only people that will congratulate me is my family, if they remember...
Am I the only one that gets feels from the Eminem song Stan. I don't see that song as a crazy fan song, I've always seen it as someone that wants to be admired by someone they think is a God (or in my personal case a goddess). The song shows how a person slowly gets to a Pont of not giving a fuck. They eventually confess their love. And if they don't get some type of positive response they fucking lose it. I don't think that Stan was Eminem making fun of his crazy fans, I think he was actually trying to get a message similar to my theory of the song across.
>>710439497
Of course I do.
>>710439525
I've sent applications.
If you really want to live like that, you still can.
You'll have to actually work and make money to make it happen.
You could simply consider getting your own land, and living off of it.
>A painted wall is still the same color on the inside
That's why you have to strip the paint first.
>>710439628
I believe you just haven't found what you're passionate about.
Try new things, things that you never thought you'd like.
>>710439921
Don't let your past condemn your future.
>>710440180
Sure, thing, pal.
>>710440152
Maybe I'm just thinking like that because I'm in a case like my theory. Maybe it's just wishful thinking who knows?
>>710440180
Been trying but its not going to happen. 80-100k a year, 1-2k a year income for furs.
Why do you do what you do on these threads if I may ask? The paint is still there no matter how much stripper you use -Ex Painter Speaking Lol
>>710440180
I've looked everywhere. I'm always interested in new things, but once I try them out, I just don't feel the "flame" of passion anymore.
>"So many horrible things I want to say. But I am not you. I know who you are. I know the shitty person you can be. I know the real you [anon]. And I hope you can't stand to look at your fucking self in the mirror. You're such a disappointment to the human race. You are the most horrible person I have ever met. You sure did beat [ex bf], by far. Words cannot compare to what hell I want you to feel. Im glad you moved on. But today was an important day for me. And it's fucked how you could forget. It shows how much you "love" me right? You don't know what love is. You can't feel love. You only know sadness and fucking pain. And I hope you feel the worst pain of them all. Giving you a chance is the biggest mistake of my life. Asking if I could kiss you for the first time. I regret it. I regret losing my virginity to such a shitty person. I hate how much time and effort I put into you when you gave me nothing back. Do you know what type of person you are? You are what you hate. You are that fuck boy. You are that manipulative ass hole. You are the one that twists everyone's words to make you seem right. You are the person that would change who you are to fit in. You are the hypocrite that everyone hates. You are the person no one will ever truly love because you can't feel love. I hope a knife goes through your fucking heart. I hope you choke in your fucking sleep [Anon]. I hope those pills fuck with your head and you turn into mush. I want you to destroy your life."
Every now and then I go back and read this when I miss her. When I see her posting with her boyfriends. Talking about her sex life. When I want to talk to her out of the blue.
She said sorry. But she's probably right about everything she said. It really hurts hearing those things from the person you thought loved you as much as you did them.
>>710440570
Same. Sucks. Suicide looks more appealing every passing day
>>710432896
I cried. Oddly enough, I don't even know my dad.
>>710440141
That sounds like either the meds or her leaning emotionally on someone else, not to try to make you paranoid or anything. In my case it was likely both of those things if not even outright cheating so you can imagine the burning bouts of anger and humiliation one gets after that sort of experience. Hang in there and try not to drink too much like I did as it really only makes it worse. Hopefully you have good friends to lean on too.
>>710440691
I'm always thinking about it. I'm just a coward and can't make myself do it.
>>710440147
Least you have family.
>>710440533
More so, you make the initial money to purchase the land, and you make your own way.
hunt your own food, find your water, and build your own life.
>>710440570
You'll gain as much as you'll put in.
Find something you're moderately interested in, and focus on it until you've perfected it.
>>710440861
It's not worth quitting this early in the game.
>>710441064
Well, first I wish to say thanks for talking to me and being a decent person. two I am going to eat my dinner, shitty pizza because I am to lazy to cook. Joy joy.
>>710441064
>It's not worth quitting this early in the game.
So it's worth dying on someone else's terms, not your's right? Besides, you act like there is some sort of trophy for "finishing the game" or something.
Protip; it's not worth it.
>>710441286
No problem, my friend.
I'm gonna eat some cheap pizza too.
>>710441345
If you quit now, you'll never know what you might've done.
You place your own limits.
>>710433136
i just want to be found. even when i try my hardest im always overshadowed by people who are naturally better than me, which seems to be everyone
>>710441064
As said before. I've tried. Could try harder. But what's the point? In the end, no matter whether you are a small rock, a huge stone, or just sand. You will still sink in the water.
>>710441512
If I quit now, I won't have to endure anymore suffering for the minimal return I've known all my life. Maybe it does get better for some people but I haven't ever experienced anything close to it.
For all intents and purposes, all I know, from anecdotal evidence, is that my life will continue to be a drain on my mind and only something I keep up for the few people who seem to care about me.
>>710433253
holy shit.
>>710440852
No, she has no guy friends, or barely friends. I doubt there's someone else in this. That's my last thought. She just wants to go to school here and teach at a school I live by. Fuck, man. Two years, so much happaned.
"We've been through so much and nothing can break us apart, anon. Forever, wherever. I'll love you till the end"
One day I asked why she doesn't tell me she misses and needs me anymore and she got mad. She asked me the same question months ago, told her "of course babe, I always do, but I will more often". She ignored me, yelled at me, told me to go away, then it lead to "I can't go with you".
Fuck, I'm so sweet to her. Care about her like so much, she knows it, even told me it. She told me "I have so many regrets, I can't forgive myself. I don't love myself"
She tells me she likes to be alone.
I'm not answering her texts or calls from now on. But if she ends up coming to my door, I'll let her n because that'll show me she loves me and I'll have one last talk with her. If she doesn't, then fuck it.
Made a stupid decision, lost a really special guy.
Fuck..
>>710441668
You're gonna get one life.
You can either sit there, alone, hating yourself.
Or, you could exert some effort into enjoying your life.
>>710441771
If you want to be miserable your whole life, you'll find nothing but misery.
If you want to be happy in your life, you'll start seeing the lighter shades.
Happiness doesn't just arrive. You do have to work for it.
>>710441512
>>710441668
>>710441771
Got my pizza. Take this from a guy who's been debating on going to town on his wrists and ODing. Is it worth it? I think about it non stop, every moment I think heck I could do it, take my switch blade slice and jump off of 9th and do a cool front flip. Things pass, things stay, things can be solved. Been getting help and heck even medical advice which is why I am on anti depressants.
Conclusion: Life is life and it will bring you something what you won't ever know what is til the end.
>>710442024
That's good that she has no guy friends. One thing I learned in my experience is that if she has a shit ton of orbiters and poachers circling around her like flies on shit and a hidden friends list on facebook to boot don't trust her. Stupid me I know.......It's scary how feels and hormones can really wreak havoc on ones brain.
>>710442207
Edit: Shitty meat lovers pizza with olives and peppers on top with a shit ton of cheese. I think its enough to kill me lol.
>>710432693
I've been wanting to know how to cope with this
>>710442254
>>710442380
That does sound dangerous.
I never answered your question.
I do this because I came here at one point to leave my suicide note.
Someone talked with me and helped me see what was important in life.
He made me promise that any time I could, I would help the other people in these threads.
I'm going to college without the motivation and currently getting mostly C's, my parents are disappointed and I don't know if I'll get that ROTC scholarship.
I just want to make them proud but I feel so empty inside no matter what I do.
I hate this place but I can't leave. Help me.
>>710442207
I don't hate myself now. I used to.
I don't want to be happy, I don't want to find enjoyment in my life. Because I realised that objectively feeling are feelings, no matter whether they are labeled bad or good by us. My problem isnt that I'm sad. My problem, is that I barely feel anything.
>>710442675
Hmm, interesting. Well nice to know someone is out there helping others. Why were you about to do it if I may ask?
Side Note: Way to much cheese on this pizza but its pretty good once you get past the green olives. Ran out of black olives.
>>710442207
>You do have to work for it.
Really? Just like I HAVE to work to stay alive? Stay alive in a life I never wanted?
I don't understand how people can expect other people to just "be happy"
I want to be happy, but how can I? I have no future. Take an objective look around you. Where are you going that's so good? Maybe you can't look around, and that's how you stay so positive. You know, I used to be that way.
>I'll go to college, everything will be good that way
>oh, college didn't work out? That's ok, I'll join the Navy
>Oh, the Navy was a catalyst for your mental problems?
>I'll just get a job at a fucking grocery store and be happy for the rest of my life
Yeah, sure thing, Just let me die. All you do is make me mad because I can't feel happiness. I'm a firm believer that happiness isn't something you can make or achieve by your own will. You find it one day, something that makes you happy. And that's it. Then it's gone and you have to find something else or die unhappy.
I don't know how to get through to some people. I'm sure you'll just post another asian cartoon woman. You win, I'll just be happy
>>710442792
I'm guessing you're not alone in that predicament. Kind of a love hate relationship in my case.
>>710442320
She hasn't deleted our pictures, or even changed her relationship status. Not even on instagram. I keep checking and she's on and off on Facebook. No change. Could she be thinking or am I crazy?
>>710440413
why was adonis included?
ill give it a shot
>be me
>junior year in high school
>met a chick in summer sat prep, a senior, qt3.14, nice ass, slowly fall for her
>prep over summer includes a few field trips, lunches, i use any moment i can to talk to her
>tease her, she teases back, seems to go ok. no sure fire signs
>trip to visit uni, stay up all night talking
>have to go to dorms, she suggest i go to her room, anon has self-diagnosed paranoia so fags out
>one night we go to a play
>shes wearing a dress, looks so nice, cant stop staring
>sit next to her, want to hold her so bad, eats feelings away instead (i always pack snacks on field trips, i also self diagnose eating disorder, im a picky eater. i hate it)
>on the bus home we talk too, take photos of eachother off guard, teen shit
>when we arrive i walk her to the bus station and i wait with her for her bus, on the way our hands touch, i want to hold her hand so fucking bad but self diagnose like a fag
>we talked pretty often, after the field trip we both admit to have liked eachother
>talk about all the shit we wanted to do at the field trip
>nothing too fast, just keep talking but flirt more. highschool shit
>she proposes to go to register for classes together, me and her with some of her friends
>decide to go, fast forward to that day
time is all over the place, not exact at all. ill try to include enough detail to make it interesting but not too much that it bores. by self diagnose its sarcasm. real issues exaggerated thing. this was a while ago but ill try to post a good story if anyones interested. i like to bitch.
>>710443154
Sounds like she's confused. But that confusion will be contagious and drive you nuts. Like I said good thing you are leaving the country for a while because, trust me you'll need to clear your head. I wish I could have done that but I'm now planning on going to England for a year by spring time just for that purpose. It really put me through the wringers.
>>710436402
>Don't you prefer night over Day Anon ?
>Is it because it's quiet ?
>Or the smooth brightness of the street lights when you go out to smoke a cig while you sip your coffee ?
>Maybe you're just tired and enjoy relaxing before going to bed ?
>Nope, it just doesn't feel wrong to do nothing. You can peacefully lurk, play vidya or whatever, no one will be there to make you feel bad about it.
>Well, since you spend most of your free time alone, is it really different ?
>Maybe it isn't much of a big deal, but you're still here every night
>>710442702
2/2
Only girl I ever felt anything for and who loved me back is halfway across the world. Even when everyone is against me she tries to build me up and keep me strong, I just want to hold her and thank her for making me feel alive again, even for a moment but instead I'm trapped all alone in a life that I don't know what will be the endgame of it.
>>710442890
Find something you enjoy.
Invest your time into it.
Watch as the more time you invest into, the more you feel and care about it.
>>710442942
I was a drug addict with nothing going in my life.
I realized that I wasn't worth anything, so I decided to off myself.
Green olives on pizza is literal cancer.
>>710443040
I don't expect you to BE happy.
I expect you to BECOME happy.
Maybe you just haven't seen the levels of rock bottom I have, but, it's not hard to be happy with my current set up.
If you want to find reasons to be happy, you'll find them.
You can dismiss me if you'd like, but I've seen both sides of the coin.
>>710443549
Im not moving for a while, I'm moving completely. She's always like this, confused, can't make up her mind. She's a very weak person. Smart girl, but stupid decisions. I had a lot planned for us both. I don't get how she doesn't relaize how much it will aid her. Doesn't make sense. Keeps telling me she's young and doesn't want to leave home, especially her father. I believe after she realized I was seriously leaving she became serious and told me the truth. Males sense to say sweet things and yes to coming when you think I'm not going to leave. Already sold my house, got atleast two weeks left till I'm gone.
>>710443256
cont.?
I'm joining the military soon, but I'm not being honest about why. I've told everyone who's asked that it's because I want to make a difference, do more good than I otherwise could (no degree or college, so that's not a stretch at all). It's really because I don't want to be a disappointment to someone. I have a daughter, but her mother adopted her out from under me when she was born. Didn't seem to believe that I'd be a fit father, and had no interest in being a mother. I have a name, and a one photo, taken the day she was born. I am absolutely terrified that, if she comes looking for me, she's going to be disappointed in who she finds. "THATS my biological father? No wonder I was adopted, I'm better off". The only thing that scares me more is starting a family in the interim, because if she's anything like me, and she's met at the door by the family she was supposed to be apart of, it will destroy her. "Oh. So it wasn't because mom didn't think he was good enough. It's because he didn't think I was good enough." And that couldn't be any farther from the truth. I wanted her from the moment I knew her mother was pregnant. I'm so sorry I couldn't be the father she deserved, but I flatout fucking refuse to ever be a disappointment to her.
Today was my birthday, all day I kept waiting for it to get better because it's my birthday and it never did. It just ended up being the same as every other day, with me being depressed and crying myself to sleep
>>710443869
What were you doing? Nothing serious on my side, just painkillers and shelve shit.
>Green olives were a mistake.
>>710444049
This is the shit that's drives someone to suicide.
>>710443869
Maybe you do understand but I honestly doubt it. I'm still going to get myself killed here eventually. The few times I've felt not terrible haven't given me enough hope to carry on.
My life insurance policy will keep the family (mom, dad, and siblings (namely brother)) afloat.
>tfw when you're just the forgotten bastard in the corner who everyone knows but nobody cares about and if they saw you dead in the paper they'd go "oh, yeah, anon" and not care even though they claim to be your friend and you have to keep up the facade keep up the facade like you always do or they'll just make it even worse and you want to die but you just can't bring yourself to do it because of one fucking bitch who's given you just enough attention to make you think you have a friend even though she's way out of your league and is dating someone else
>>710435275
You know what's so fucking funny about this. It's currently 3:23 am at a friday morning in my time.
>>710443958
Yeah you can't really fix that. I found the same thing with mine. Smart in someways but when it comes to life decisions shockingly stupid. Even with the smart side I think I fell for what was kind of more cunning and shrewd than any sort of genuine intellectual capacity.
>>710444343
you know, killing yourself will cause more pain to them than it does to you, and a lot of families actually reject any insurance money or compensation when a loved one dies. if not for yourself, do it for them. don't be stupid.
>>710444375
Luckily I don't have a bitch who pays me any attention. Ah, the life of a loser-virgin
>>710444152
It feels bad man, real bad
>>710443597
Broke up like a week ago
It's like this guys. Literally like guys.
A friend of mine said that's the same of quitting heroin.
Because we are addicted to the chemicals of love that our brain gave us in time.
Never going to fall in love again, and neither should you.
Love is fantastic but it does kill. It's the best thing you can experience in life, but it's not worth the aftermath.
pic related, me and her.
God it hurt so much.
It's like a fire that will burn everything until nothing will be left inside
666
>>710444517
It's worse than that. I was going fine until after college, then when I stayed for a masters and everyone else left with a bachelors I lost all my friends and now I work a 9-5 hoping that one day I'll get to know somebody.
-Fallen Chad
>>710444469
I've lived my entire life not for myself. When I was young, I lived because that was all I knew how to do. Now, I stay alive because I feel bad for them. I can't keep it up forever. And if I make it look like an accident, they won' reject the money. At least my brother won't; but he's a lot like me and would probably kill himself too soon thereafter.
Oh well. Guess you shouldn't have had kids. That's all I can say
>>710444709
So true. I thought maybe something like quitting cocaine but same idea. All that infatuation basically does the same thing to your brain and that's why you find yourself in such a dark dark place when it all comes crashing down. Rock bottom.
>>710444745
Ah, you fell for the college meme. Well, I do have that going for me. 12/hr, no debt, minimal expenses. Just spend my time alone, waiting to die
>>710444051
I was a general junkie.
I really enjoyed coke, and painkillers.
I wanted to off myself when I started smoking crack.
>>710444343
The truth is Anon, even with that money, your family wont be okay.
You think you wont be missed, or you don't matter.
I'm not trying to use guilt to scare you away from suicide, but it is something that you need to keep in mind.
Current feels.
More like this?
>>710444760
You know, chances are there's no afterlife. No light at the end of the tunnel, nothing. You just won't exist anymore, and you'll die, oblivious to everything that you COULD'VE done. And not to be like everyone else but pick up a hobby. Travel with your family, find a way to make yourself happy, because from what I'm guessing, you're reserved, and if you're reserved, nobody except yourself can help you there.
Just try, if not for yourself, your family. It's fun to start a day thinking it's going to be great.
>>710444985
>need to keep in mind
Nah. They didn't keep in mind what I might feel one day when they decided to fuck with no protection. Fuck it. I'll give 'em enough warning. Shouldn't be too shocking.
>>710444452
"I can't make big life decisions, Anon! I'm still XX years old!, I'm sorry"
Smart, but stupid.
Told her I'd guide her, hold her hand and do my best to take care of her. I'm going to Japan in March, then maybe somewhere else. How can you turn something like this down, right? So many people look for an opportunity like this. She threw it away.
I asked if she trusted me. She said yes of course because I've never lied to her in my life, but if you say you love, trust me, then how could you let me go like that?
>>710445027
Please, I came here to cry... not take advice from anime images.
Though appreciated, I just wanna get my fix and fuck off.
>>710444985
Yikes, worse then me. (No offense)
Life is life I guess. We all find our things to get us through the days, some its drugs, some its drinking and some its self harm.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY-ZwuJEp6w
>>710444944
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, I actually got a free ride because I got the highest SAT score in the district. No debt, decent job, money in the bank. All that's left are the people.
>>710444709
Dude...... same level. Never again. Hurts so much I don't want to be alive.
>be me, happy 7 year old kid
>class clown, lots of friends, smart
>full of potential
>parents divorce
>mum gets leukaemia
>2 month later dad is in car crash
>spine reduced to pebbles, disabled instantly
>mam begins to show signs of remission
>cancer comes back with vengeance
>dead within a few months
>images of her ill with chemo, green skin and bald burned into memory
>her last day alive she comes home
>hallucinating all day talking jibberish with the meds
>walk downstairs in the middle of night for water
>find mum dead
>turn cold, no feelings of sadness just numb to the core
>fast forward to 15
>start taking shit loads of MDMA
>smoking a 2g a day in weed
>become heavily depressed
>18 I get anapprenticeship
>in a lab, production
>hate job, survive a year there
>towards end breaking down multiple times throughout the week at work
>do something stupid one day
>getting told off by manager
>wrong day bitch
>flip out and grab him by collar
>scream in face
>headbutt in nose
>fires me holding his nose pissing blood
>stay at home for months
>begin having psychotic episodes
>start hallucinating walls melting
>tripping balls all day for a few days straight
>OD on my meds
>heart stops
>shocked back to life
>that was 6 months back
>can't stop thinking about suicide
>obsessing
>decided I'm going to hang myself from an overpass
>just biding time
>>710445165
I didn't realize this guy had anything to do with anime. Don't watch it.
Sorry brotha. Just expressing current feels.
>>710445032
With the state of things now, what could I do? I'm a simple man. I want to go to Alaska, hike a bit, see the scenery and die. No love. No kids. None of that. Laugh with my brother at all the stupid shit people do and say and then die when I've stopped laughing. Or maybe while I'm still laughing.
And I do hope there is nothing afterwards. Just like before I was born. Just nothing.
>>710430383
>Be 27, done nothing with my life.
>Hate just about everyone I was ever friends with, do not belong here.
>Dream of moving away, but grandparents are old..Thinking Grandpa has even five years left in him is possibly being too optimistic.
>They are doing everything in their power to hold out until dad gets out of prison, or else he'll never recover from the trauma of not being there for them.
>Sick aunt, grandpa is becoming more and more like he has Alzheimers. She refuses help from me, and I rely on her too.
>Dad has issues, he was born without ears, mildly retarded because of it.
>I've not even got anything going on for myself, yet, I'll never be free from this place. Dad is incapable of taking care of himself entirely, I will undoubtedly take over when grandparents pass.
>Lose out on potential restoration of life out of love for family.
>>710444709
I feel your feels anon. I'm single for the first time in four years and I don't know if I can ever give myself to anyone again. It hurts too much.
>>710445027
That's been my feel for the last two months.
Lauren.
I know it would probably hurt you, but I can't stand the idea of you being with someone else. So when the time will come, I'll just back off and disappear from your life.
I'll try to forget you, but it won't be easy, you've given me so much in these months, you gave someone to love...
Thank you for everything
With love
N
>>710445440
Then do that. Exactly that. Then while you're having the time of your life, think back about what you posted on this thread and about how stupid you were. Because your mood can CHANGE the world around you, and not just for you.
>>710445206
Well, there you go. Stop seeking people and you will have everything you need. If you think people will make you happy, I can't tell you they won't (because I'm not you), but I'll tell you I don't need them to feel happy. After and entire life of not having any close friends, I can safely say I'll die alone and I'm fine with that. You've tasted friendship before so I'm sure it's different.
Good luck
>>710445245
>>710444709
Yeah, I had the best year of my life, but she betrayed me with one close friend of mine.
Everything was so perfect. But now i lost everything, because i can't get back to my old life because i would kill him if we were into the same city again.
Therefore, i lost my family, i lost my friends. I had to quit a job to move in a place where i don't know anyone. And nobody knows what happened because i still love her, and i don't want her to look like a whore.
I feel so abandoned, i still can't realize what's going on in my life. I know nobody can help me so i'm seeking no help, but i don't know how i feel, like, so lost.
I'm really really really lost guys.
Sorry about the rant, didn't talk to anyone in like a month, and you know how it's having all this shit inside...
Another pic related.
>>710445770
It is different. Once you have that one glorious bastard who you know so well that once you catch up on current events, you can just sit with and smoke a blunt or have a drink and not even have to talk, once you're so in love that you skype your girl while she shits, there is no going back.
>>710445130
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Maybe she has some maturing to do but what I find disillusioning is that I'm middle aged and people everywhere do not seam to be growing up. I see a lot of perpetual adolescent sociopaths chasing their crotches around and it's depressing. Like with my ex. Already has a kid and should be ready to settle down but just chases after infatuation in relationships constantly going from one to the other. It's especially fucked up when single moms do this, dragging their kid along for the ride while they hop around the cock carousel. Count me in as totally disillusioned with dating in the modern world.
>>710445113
You can't blame your unhappiness on others.
I'm not lying when I tell you that you're the one controlling your happiness.
In fact, that's the worst thing you could do. Instead of acknowledging that you're unhappy and trying to see what you can do to better it, you're passing the buck on those around you.
That's not fair to them, or yourself.
>>710445193
Yeah, I made some mistakes.
I acknowledged them, and moved forward.
Found things important in my life, and focused on that instead.
>>710445399
Sorry to hear anon. Got a bucket list?
>>710445712
>time of my life
That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking to taste a life I will never have, because I'll be much too old and poor to live that way. On my way up a mountain, alone, I will 'break my leg' and die in the cold. I've thought it out. I'm simply sick of it.
The only reason I'd care about the future is if I wanted to have kids. But I don't. How could I? I look at the life I'm living, my messed up mind, and the non-existent opportunity around, the decline of the social structure and I say 'how could anyone in good faith bring a child into this disaster?'
Well, I can't. I'm a biological dead-end that needs to remove itself from the crowd, for everyone's sake
>>710432930
This is the only reason I haven't killed myself yet
>>710445130
Random dude here, just read your whole story of your ordeal and just sorry, man. Real real sorry. Life is truly a rollercoaster but let's hope that it's, too, like wine.
>>710445692
...Nicholas?
>>710443975
cool, i get to bitch, thank you.
so i left off at register, this is just a story of a relationship that fucked me up
>wake up late, wanted to get there early out of teenage excitement
>power walk that shit, listening to subhumans, religious wars ep (not important, its just a good album)
>get there, now for some background
>being a horny teen, i knew who was the sluts at school. at one point like a year before i "dated" one cuz i wanted to get my noodle wet. i didnt.
>even worse is that one joke i had that year was putting banana in my pocket and hugging girls with it pushing to see reactions. i did that wth this chick at some point the year before. after we broke up
>even worse, that chick (if you got lost, im talking of the other "(s)ex") has a sister at the school, senior.
> theres these classes that are part of something like a club, "academys" idk if other fags have those, my schools lame, and, it appears they are part of it.
>anyways i spot them.
>"oh god no, theyre here? great. i hope we dont go near them"
>spot the booty, ill call my beloved, princess peach. or just peach. close enough
>walk towards her, shes with a friend
>meet and greet, hold peachs hand
>go towards line
>ill call my ex and her sister fags, 1 and 2. lets go 1 for sex and 2 for sis
>"oh look, there they are"
>pointing close to fags
>"ffspleaseno.png"
>yup.fuck.jpeg
>akwardly hold peach as fags glare at me
>peach "Wheres queer?"
>peach before me only dated one dude. in the shitty academy. in her group of friends. before i saw him i thought he was gay. the way he talks is high and quiet, it always frustrated me. im loud. according to my gay friend queer and fagboat (other of peaches academy friends. gay friends ex. i miss gay friend.) "experimented" on academy fiend trips (they stay in hotels in other cities) you can tell op is biased.
>clueless.jpeg (she didnt tell me yet)
>fast forward through trip.
>fags talk shit on me. not direct. playful. just teasing peach
cont.
>>710446170
Well, it was nice talking to you but I think I should head off for the night. Got work tomorrow morning at 6am and got some stuff to get done before I can head off to bed. Night mate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC715_Foz9A
>>710446355
You know, problems exist to be fixed.
Disasters happen to be recovered from.
What would death be like if you didn't even enjoy life?
>>710446170
While I don't disagree about me "controlling my happiness" necessarily, to say they aren't be held responsible for at least my upbringing and my unstable mind is unfounded.
Both of those things play largely into who I am and how I feel. Like I said earlier, I want to be happy, but in my mind I haven't found it yet and I'm running out of time
>Life was a war that could never be won.
>Was given a number.
>They murdered Valjean.
>When they chained me and left me for dead.
>All for stealing a hand full of bread.
green text time
> fall for girl in college but never end up dating - summer and being dumb in school ruins anything we could have had
> Never really get over her because I thought she was perfect for me
> We lose touch as I graduate
> fast forward 5 years
> still have her number, text her out of the blue
> she just got dumped by her boyfriend of 3 years, is a complete wreck
> agrees to meet for dinner
> we have a great time, sit and talk for 3 hours after dinner just catching up
> as we leave she says she wants to see me again
> she texts me on my way home thanking me again
> respond telling her that I want to see her again but don't want her to get the wrong impression or feel like I'm taking advantage of the situation
> no response
> been 2 days
Did I do something wrong? I'm not sure what to do...I feel like I'm letting the girl that's perfect for me slip through my fingers
>>710446675
>problems exist to be fixed
Says who? And who says they are problems? They are just different states of being.
>Disasters happen to be recovered from
No, they happen because nature is impartial. We decide to 'recover' from them because for some reason we want to keep living
>What would death be like if you didn't even enjoy life?
I don't know, death maybe? When I die, I assume my skeleton isn't thinking about all the money I didn't make or all the pussy I didn't catch, or all the dreams I didn't follow.
>>710446654
Good night, Anon.
Sleep well.
>>710446723
There's plenty of time, Anon.
Don't stress yourself over being happy.
Best advice I ever got,
>if you find something that you enjoy, and just throw yourself into being the best at it, you'll find you don't have much time to be sad or angry.
>>710432932
Respect!
I had two dates last weekend. I met one girl at a house party. Made out, actually fucked, had high hopes. I guess Im not terribly attractive without booze.
The other one message me first. I brought my A game. She was into me. Then,,, I dunno. She wasnt. Message me a dumb excuse. That was that.
Im not sad. In fact, I wonder if i should be worried because Im not feeling anything, not even disappointment. Ive been on too many first dates to actively give a shit anymore.
>>710447155
I don't want to feel happy, really. I just want to not feel constantly defeated without taking drugs (which I'm not). Well, occasionally alcohol, but that's besides the point.
I've tried most things I can think to try. I like guns, but people constantly try to disarm me. I like nature, but people constantly ruin it and I don't make enough money to buy land and live in the woods. I like reading but it comes in waves. Few other things but nothing makes me feel great. They just pass time.
>>710447102
Man.
Want to know why I, some random guy on the internet doesn't want you to kill yourself?
Because there's someone, who will go into grief, because you did. Someone who loved you, and spent time on you. Your parents even. You don't know how lucky, and coincidental your existence is. A million other personalities and people could have been born INSTEAD of you. Just cut everyone some slack and TRY to be successful. And don't give me the bullshit "I already did" because that's not true. Because if you start trying, then you shouldn't stop because you hit a speedbump. Just keep fucking moving, do the Alaska shit, but don't try to die there. Just have a good time, not make it a suicide scheme. Stop thinking about the negative shit, and focus on the positives. Like I said, your mood affects everyone and everything around you. You see the world how you want to.
>>710446901
She thinks you're blowing her off nicely. You fucked up. Remember she has zero confidence right now. You fucking autist. When you say "the wrong idea" she thinks you just want to be friends. Send her a message, "dinner and some wine at my place this saturday?"
>>710445774
No fag. You need to stop loving her. She betrayed you. You can keep her secret if you want, but it needs to be for a better reason.
If there is no better reason, then everyone needs to know what she is
>got married in September
>felt good man- for like a week
>then all of the depression and anxiety came crashing back
>got promoted at work
>anxiety even worse now
>finally sucked it up and made drs app for later this month
>hoping I don't come off as a whiny bitch looking for pills
>scared to be on pills
>don't want to be a med zombie
>thinking about getting a service dog
>have to talk myself out of cancelling my app every day
>wish me luck fags
>>710446116
True, she even admitted being immature. My doors always open. I'm forgiving, but I lose because of my soft side. I'm too damn nice. I got a clean heart. If she shows up, I'll let her in, and talk to her. Maybe she will realize everything. I still have her stuff, like her clothes, pictures, dad's bike, etc. She's going to show up eventually, but I dont know when.
>>710446505
Hey, anon. It's okay, and thanks.
I just wanted to spend my life with her and show her the world. She's just always always home alone with no one but her cats. Dad's at work, parents separated. I'm literally her only happiness and she knows it.
Like my dad said, "don't fall in love, but make them fall for you"
I'm young, so I guess if it doesn't work out, it won't work out.
Gonna live my life and I know everyone in life finds that one special person.
I'm sure you will too, unless you already have.
Be safe and make good decisions.
Fight for the people you love. Don't just say it.
>>710440861
I'd do it I just need a way that I know will work for sure and be painless for sure
>>710447613
While appreciate the gesture, and I do love my family, emotions have never been reason enough for to do (or not do) something. In this case, my feelings for my loved ones doesn't justify me living a pointless life. I feel bad, sure, but they know full well why this happened.
My dad has mental issues and my mom decided to fuck him anyhow. I'm not gonna feel extra bad because they made a mistake (me)
>>710447739
You should probably stress those concerns to your doctor as well. Best of luck Anon and congratulations on your promo and marriage.
>>710448062
*while I*
>>710438293
If you live in michigan come to the loft in flint. I'm throwing my birthday party tomorrow night there. Just come tell me who you are and I'll make sure you have the best night ever.
>>710447912
You're a coward.
Not because you want the easy way out,
But because you want it to be painless.
You know who it won't be painless for?
Your family.
>>710448123
true
>>710448062
Well you're life isn't pointless if you have loved ones, is it?
I mean, you make them happy?
Let them try to make you happy.
>>710447772
Careful with that nice guy shit. I have the same problem. Mine told me we were just taking a break and then jumped right back on the cock carousel. It could happen to you too. If you discover that she is with someone else sometime soon down the road you may find that you'll get tired of being forgiving. I tried my best to be that way but it just sets me up to get burned more. Just hoping I reach the indifferent phase soon and I think I'm finally getting there after two months of agonizing over it all. You may have a rough road ahead so gird your loins.
>>710447623
Dude, i'm really forcing myself from stopping loving her. I REALLY want to hate her. I blocked her on everything and i told her to NEVER contact me again and if i ever see him (and i told him too) i would kill him, and i'm sure i'll do.
I started talking to other girls, 3 are interested in me but i'm not interested in everything.
One of them is actually sending me ass pics but i don't give a shit.
For most of my life i've ben the stronger, the better, the "went there did that" guy, but right now i don't reckon myself.
I don't know how i should fight back in this situation.
>>710432932
fuck me, this always gets me
>>710448123
That's all the matters, right? My family. Not me. Not what I feel.
What's the point of living if I don't get anything out of it? They're the only ones getting anything out of it at this point.
>>710448225
I've been waiting for years. Like I said before, that's an emotional reason. I don't run on emotions.
>>710430383
I led on a girl who I don't find attractive because I'm too much of a coward to stop myself.
I ended it tonight and I hurt her.
I'm a bad person.
Test bump
>>710448480
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks muffaga
cont. anyone really reading?
>Fag 1 "why isnt your sugar daddy talking
>im loud but introverted to an extent. easily annoyed. which is why i was quiet. i was annoyed by fags.
>"i havent the money to be a sugar daddy, i wish."
>musical chairs (waiting to choose classes)
>clingy. holding her hand. dont want to go to a single seat. wait for two
>everyyone forces me to move anyways
>not an important moment
>long time ends. alone with peach and her friend. i like her friend. nice girl. ill call her bloop.
>peach, "go ahead, ill catch up to you"
> hug together, start to make out
>besttimeofmylife.jpeg
>howdoipauselife.png
>leaves. pretty much a day later were already sobbing it up
>"I miss you" exchanged
>eventually agree to meet up early at school on first day
>possible exuses to get out by peach
>convince her
>ff to first day
>shes not there. i was addicted to an energy drink thats only a buck. decide to go buy one
> on way back find her.
>mywomanmydrink.filetypehere
>wants to change from ap eng to reg
>whicheverfeelsright.webm
>nothing of it
>happy days for a while
>start to notice always a jd contact that she checks
>nothing of it.jpg
>moron.png
>eventually her ex and her talk while im there
>he refers to me as papi to her. she thinks its funny.
>tells me hes her ex
>babysfirsthate.webm
>after about a few weeks of school, i decide its time to make it official
>i used to write poems. she once told me she always wanted a guy to write one for her
>hopeless romanitc. i stay up writing one for a few nights trying to get it perfect
>one day after school on the way of routine, i stop her and let her friend walk ahead
>cheesy poem handed to her, make it official,
>Happiness.png
>shes a senior
>college is important.
anyone reading or am i flogging a dead horse. a, i doig well
>>710432930
this... actually destroyed me....
>>710448553
Thanks fam.
>>710433765
How are you doing now?
>>710448594
We are reading bro, don't worry, you are not alone here.
>>710448233
Fuck that. I will ever forgive her I see her with someone else, bro. I made that promise to myself.
I might be nice guy, way too nice, but I'm not push over.
She can go fuck herself if it comes to that.
I doubt it though. I'm her first boyfriend. We experienced everything together. First kiss, first sex, everything first. Untouched.
It's perfect, she's also very beautiful, but her minds just full of bullshit. Wish she made smarter decisions
>>710448684
you got it cutie :D
>>710448123
Not like I'll care when I'm dead and not like I ever acted like I cared how I make anyone feel when I'm alive
>>710433765
See this >>710444709
And this>>710445774
What should i do?
>>710448832
tru dat
>>710448773
Just be careful. It can be shocking to see what a woman is capable of if she has commitment issues and especially if she's on those meds too. I'm such an idiot that I still struggle with not trying to be forgiving of my ex.
>>710448123
But who the fuck cares about your family when you're dead? The ends justify the means, however heartbreaking they may be
>>710433136
Hey anon...
https://youtu.be/oqKCyQfmnfc
anyone wanna join my discord channel and talk to me and my friends and chill, here is a invite link
https://discord.gg/mgVXU
>>710449155
This is funny, cringey and epic
don't know
IF the anime girl poster wants to counter any of my points before I go to sleep I'll be here for a couple of minutes. Otherwise, kys faggots
I daydream of a better tomorrow for myself. I daydream of being taken away from this dark place I am in because someone will see through my lies of being 'fine'. I am asked everyday by
"friends" how I have been feeling. I just reply "fine". I just want to be held and told that I am loved.
1 year
>I grew up with a mother who hurt me every chance she got
>I finally got out of her grasp at 24
>I met my father thinking maybe my mother controlled that too.
>My father never wanted me and made that very clear
>I lost every friend I had because When I wasn't that shoulder to lean on but instead needed a shoulder to lean on I was a pussy
>turned to drugs
>met a girl
>she listened
>she built me up when even my own family just wanted to tear me down
>I was moving to Ohio to start completely over
>She called me. told me she wanted me to stop letting everything I'd been through hurt me. I didn't deserve that feeling. I was a beautiful and immensely strong person.
>She was crying. "And... Because I love you"
>I....I.. love you too...
>first time I'd meant that with anybody.
>I cried after we hung up.
>Literally the nicest fucking thing anyone had ever fucking said to me.
>One of the only deeply nice things said to me that wasn't from someone getting paid by the state or trying to get something from me.
>After that I came back to Illinios for her
>Got away form the drug dealer I was living with.
>Homeless I called her. Leaving a voicemail where I broke down in tears. Something nobody hears.
>I was homeless bc I didn't want to be manipulated into becoming a heroin addict by my older nephew, and my dad just screamed at me told me to fuck off.
>She called back
>we fucked, let me sleep in her garage bc her parents said I couldn't stay there.
>Told her let's get breakfast before work tomorrow
>I fuck and dump. That's not something I ask, ever.
>I got an apartment to be good enough to deserve her time
>I got a job with a good company to be worth her and families respect
>Got off drugs to be safe enough to trust myself with her and her daughter
>I fixed myself... for her, not for me.
>She lost interest.
>we stop really talking
>thepainisreal.gif
>fast forward a few months
>I forgave my mother for the atrocities she put me through
Cont
>>710449351
I know. I'm the fucking master of cringe. I've transcended cringe. I don't fucking care. The spirit moved me. Part 2 is uploading...
>>710449525
>I was full circle back at her house because I listened to my father and lost my apartment
>popping 5 mg of xanax a day bc why not? I hate my mother and shit's still going the way it was before.
>sqaureone.jpeg
>go completely numb
>stop taking xanax cold turky bc i feel nothing even anxiety
>have a mini stroke
>make a post on fb bc derp
>she calls me
>Ask her if she wants to give me another shot
>sure
>life has hope again
>I suck at expressing emotion
>She tells me she found out she's moving out of state
>I tweak a lil
>"I'll come with you. I still love you"
>I would have followed her to the gates of hell with a smile because I was with her
>"Honestly I don't want to be with you. I don't really love you, I was just being nice anon..."
>"....... ok."
Alyssa. I miss you. I still love you even though you never did. It's been a year today since those words destroyed me. I still haven't found someone that's a good enough lair to make me truly believe it's all ok and make me think I have a reason to hold on. I'm not even mad. I hope that everything is good with you and yours. If you find out about my suicide. Just know It's ok. I wanted this. And you gave my empty meaningless life a moment of happeness, which I would have never known without you. <3
-another faceless anon
>>710449085
You're one heartless motherfucker.
Those people spent money, time, and love on you, and you just want to walk out.
Honestly, that defies all humanism within you. This is borderline mental disorder, and suicide won't fix it.
>>710449351
Not saying it's bad.
Saying that this is some OC shit we've got here
Keep up with the good work
>>710441617
You get one too, anon
https://youtu.be/ssPNRQrp5QU
>>710449155
You sir, are a legend.
A FUCKING legend.
>be me
>freshman year of highschool
>1st period US History
>not very fun class but easy so fuck it
>get new girl
>barely know anything about her
>goes on for about a couple of months
>presents an article about deportation in front of class
>at this point I thought she was a britfag or some shit
>didn't care for her much
>teacher starts talking
>"Your name is... hold on, Helena, right?"
>she replies with a subtle mmhmm
>teacher continues
>"well everyone, this is a new thing for us dince we've never had a foreign exchange student before"
>"so, I thought it would be cool if Helena here could do her article in her native tongue."
>I think isnt she like fucking european or some shit
>I still have barely ever looked at her face
>Until she started speaking with that cute accent of hers
>"Oh man, I don't know how to start. Alright here's my best shot."
>she starts speaking Norwegian
>This really catches me off guard
>see her face for might as well be the first time
>She is so fucking beautiful
>how did i never notice this before
>skip to next day
>she's always the first one in the classroom
>I start speaking
>"Damn, Helena, always bright and early, first one in the class huh?"
>"I guess"
>I continue my ramblings
>"whats wrong? Dont you ever want to be social?"
>"nobody wants to be social with me, i guess"
>She gives a half smirk
>I start talking again
>"oh, well, you can be social with me, my name's anon."
>Skip forward 1 month
>i've had a pretty big crush on her for a time and im sure she knew it
>ask her out
>holy shit she says yes
cont.
Dont worry anons, shit hit the fan real fucking fast. DOnt worry bout the boring beginning
>>710449685
>Saying that this is some OC shit we've got here
Not saying it's bad.
Saying that this is some OC shit we've got here
Keep up with the good work
I know you guys are probably kek me for this comment, but I have to admit 4chan is full of negative energy and the more time you spend here, the harder it will be for you. The comments and peoples reaction here are too fake and depressing, your life revolves around tits n dicks. Nothing productive ever comes out of this. You just to look around, get out and grab to something which makes you happy. 4chan wont make you happy. Posting suicidal posts, provoking suicides, posting lies wont do good for you. The 'kek' you all talk about is nothing but just an illusion. Now, you will ask me, what the fuck this fag is doing here? I dont know. I am just here and feel the need to tell you people the truth. Get your shit together and just a little piece of advice, dont be an asshole and dont be so hard on yourself. You all have your basic needs satisfied. Its just your mental trauma which haunts you. Life is hard. Dont make it even harder.
>>710449053
It's so hard, man. She's like a part of me I can't let go. It's a very strange feeling. I miss her so much. Her beautiful green eyes.
I've been wearing this cologne for a while now. I never looked at the name of it because it was a gift. It's the one thing that makes me think of her the most when I smell it. It drives me crazy, brings me back to when we were happy...
Yesterday I noticed it said her name on it.... I started crying. What kind of fucked up shit is that?
>>710449351
>>710449536
>>710449691
>>710449717
Linked and stuff...
I'm out. This shit just needed to be said.
>>710449688
>suicide won't fix it
Uh, yeah it will. You'd rather him live a vegetable under 6 hundred different medications? Yeah, that's a fulfilling life
>>710445263
damn all that sucks
>>710449738
Thanks fam. I don't think so, but I appreciate the sentiment.
Still, I'm not important. The message is. As long as the message was received that's all I care about.
>>710448723
thanks for confirm. nice being listened to.
cont.
this is probably where shit goes down for a bit
>at first its fine. she cant hang as much cuz college stuff but its fine. once its done we'll hang
>she constantly tells me "we'll hang out more when the apps are due. promise."
>somewhere around this time. maybe the day of registration. idk
>fag 1 is mentioned
>both hate the slut
>asks me what went on between us
>says i flirted with her recently
>explain the sex i never got
>trustdebated.png
>realize banana joke
>peach "i dont want to hear it. its fine. forget it"
>smooth it up well enough over time. trust restored
>back to regular scheduled programing
>peach"do you know fatass?"
>fagop"what. i dont know anyone named fatass"
>fatass is a non creative name. really fat dude. who apparently talks to peach.
>wait, oh i had him for class, never talked to him so i forgto him, why?
>op has piercings in strange places. my friends know. bring it up. fatass must have overheard in class
>Peach"he said you have that piercing out of a dare. that you got paid. is that true"
>fagop"tf. no. even if i did he wouldnt know, i dont know the dude
>Peach"then explain why he said he saw you do it"
>fag op "because hes a liar. i dont fucking know."
>fag op (i dont remember exact shit. at one point i try to investigte whats going on during that convo. ask her what they talk like. seems flirty.
>fatass might be trying to abotage me as if he had a chance with peach is only logical
>end up winning her trust after a few days. she gets mad at him and ignores her.
im not done yet. im starting to realize its not as intense as i hoped. oh well. will deliver
join my discord to have sad talk with friends https://discord.gg/mgVXU
>>710433765 dunno if anyone's asked this yet but how's it been going lately (with the girl/normal life without her)? also i hope things are looking up my dude
>>710449155
Actually was not as bad as I thought it would be, really cleaver actually.
>>710449789
Oh that happens. Last month I would find myself hearing some stupid pop song while getting groceries and I'd have to leave so I wouldn't look like an idiot crying in public. It's honestly only just tapering off now after two months. I felt I had a strong connection with her too and the shock of betrayal in my case has been pretty rough. It's also because I was lead to believe that it was just us taking a break for a while which gave me a false hope in the back of my mind. Kind of ads to the cruelty of it. It will be a very weird feeling for a while if it's your last goodbye with her. I find that even when I walk down the street somehow that sounds of traffic in the background, sirens and what have you just sound more lonely somehow if that makes any sense. It's hard to describe the void it leaves in you. All I can do is empathize. I can't sugar coat it because it's a huge shit sandwich that most of us have to eat at one time or another in life.
>>710430383
>be me at age 6
>living the dream in Texas until April starts
Maternal frandpa diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, move to Ohio to be closer. He dies in the following January but my paternal grandpa is now super close so we become best friends as I attempt at coping.
Paternal grandpa becomes my best friend but in August he is diagnosed with a fatal brain tumor. He dies in December in his sleep while I'm having a sleep over with him. The morning goes as follows
>wake up to a cold feeling under the covers
>look to see grandpa's face smiling at me as he always woke up first
>look into dull, lifeless eyes and wake grandma up and say somethings wrong
she pushes me out of the room and calls 911
see first responders leaving and I say
>"I taught him how to breath without moving his chest! That's what he's doing..."
>I demonstrate while crying until they leave and I just lay in the guest room crying for hours.
Fast forward 3 months
Older bro's friend comes over
Asks if I want to play ps1 cause my brother isn't home.
>sure!
He takes me up to their room and we play then he says he wants to show me something fun
Sticks his hand down my pants and molests me followed by asking if it felt good (I'm a guy btw)
>yeah
He asks if I'll do it for him but I refuse. The police end up involved a few days later and he only got probation becaused scarred little me couldn't talk about it. Still don't know how they found out. A few more months later, my parents adopt 5 kids that are all special needs so I never got anymore atention.
>I haven't hung out with anyone since then and just browse 4chan to act like I don't care.
>I feel like I need help but I won't ever admit to anyone that I have issues because I don't want anyone else ignored because I needed attention.
>seeing a feels thread on 11/3/16 and deciding it time for it to end.
I'm signing off for the last time. Hope you all feel anything. Anything even when it's sometimes bad will always be better than nothing ever.
Hey so this might be a lil late in the thread but I need your guy's advice cause I've never been in a situation like this before.
So the thing is that the girl I've gotten really close to has told me a lot about her life. Many of these things are not very good but recently (4 days ago) she told me the story of how she was raped (she used the word abused). She then said that the only other person she told about this was a random (she didn't get into detail who it was) After hearing that I just changed some of my reasons for doing things with her. What changed me is that I got real angry for her, but I never showed her that I did. But when I was first hanging out with her I always wanted to make her smile because that shit would capture the beauty of the moon and stars. Now I want to see her smile not only because of how great it is but also to help her feel better and hopefully show her that her life is something great. After hearing the story about her rape, I got real fucking shellshock and have been feeling a bit down but I want to continue to make her happy. What would you guys do if the one you care so deeply about has been through some tough shit but all you want to do is make them feel better.
>>710450824
Godspeed Anon, hopefully you find a light at the end of the tunnel that isn't drast.
cunt. i mean cont. yes.
>nov 30 comes up. all is done.
>fag op is excited to finally be able to hang with love of life peach
>peach"oh sorry i cant, i signed up to be a tutor."
>kms. kms. please
>"oh... ok... its fine"
>tooclingytofunction.png
>notice queer in reg eng
>find out the infamous jd she always texts is queer
>peach"i regret dropping ap eng"
>bloop"well its your fault, you wanted to be with the squad" (squad being fag queer fagboat and others that all dont like me.)
>she starts growing distant
>exuses.png
>cant hang after cuz tutoring
>comes late to school so no then
>at home always says "cant hw"
>always see jd in phone. tell her to stop talking to him
>peach"hes like my best friend"
>peach"my friends are so mean"
>peach"if i ignore him they ignore me. ive tried"
>get into arguments cuz i want to spend tome together
>peach(basically yelling) " well what do you want me to quit tutoring just for you"
>peach acts differently
>more distant than before
>more quiet, not her normal self
>worried.png
this is where shit starts getting general but i start getting feels
>>710449750
>skip forward about 4 months
>shes still pretty anti social, ive been tryig to set her up with some friends but have been failing
>she comes to school one day with a black eye
>Of course I'm fucking livid.
>keep in mind at this point ive taken to calling her Lena
>"What the hell, Lena? The fuck happened?"
>she replies "please dont be concerned about it anon, its nothing really."
>"Nothing? What, are you gonna tell me you fell into someone and got that?"
>she ends up telling me what happened to her
>turns out she got into a fight with some fucking black dude about fuck all
>I end up walking up to this faggot in the hall and decking the shit out of his harambe looking ass face
>I literally get dragged into the office by the vice principal
>Starts yelling in my face "What the fuck is wrong with you anon?"
"he hit my fuckng girlfriend dude, you think im just gonna stand by and let him do that shit?"
>VP pushes me hella hard into his office.
>cops show up half an hour later
>Cops know me fairly well as my brother fucked up my families reputation in our city
>cop talks to me "I should've known it would be you, kid. Alright, give me your report so I can get this over with."
>Tell him what happened
>about five minutes later he nods and walks out.
>sit in the VP's office for 2 fucking hours
>I hear Lena's voice outside the door.
>I stare outside the long vertical window and suddenly VP nods
>lena walks in and shuts the door behind her
>"You shouldn't of done that Anon."
>I start crying my eyes out while explaining myself
> istand up and she kisses me on the cheek and hugs me
> i just stand there
cont.
>>710450824
bro come on, life's worth living dude people out there care about you man just fuckin stay strong.
>>710451244
F5ing...
>>710450500
I can't handle this, man. I just miss her so much....
My father made a bet with me today. Said that she will come to the door one day, either this weekend, or tomorrow. If she doesn't he will give me $100
Pretty much everything my dad has said came true about my relationship(s).
I'm sure he knows what he's talking about.
Since everything us still up on her Facebook and stuff, maybe she will show up. I hope she uses her head.
I'm wearing a Johnny Cash shirt and our favorite song is walk the line. I don't know if you've seen that movie, but it's just something.
She bought me this shirt too.....
cont even if noones reading cuz almost done
>ask her whats wrong
>peach"nothing"
>crowbar.jpg
>"tell me... you still like him dont you..."
>peach tears
>peach"im so sorry. im such a horrible person. you deserve better.
it might have been good to mention buring fights shed call me an asshole and tell me im a piece of shit to her till she eventually calms down and apologizes and cries saying im so good to her and deserve better.
>hopeless romantic. wipes tears away. kisses her. hugs her.
>"we can work it out. ill help you get over him. i love you a lot ok. im not letting you go."
>decide to work it out. still love her with all my heart. would do anything for her.
>thanksgiving break day before
>Hugs tightly
>peach"please dont let go. i dont want to over let go. i dont want you to leave me. this feels so right"
>agree.
>ho ho ho
> christmas comes up
you guys dig it so far?
>>710452043
keep fukn goin
>>710451954
Yep I've seen that movie. Used to play in a country band and covered a lot of those tunes. I guess just try to be patient then and also think of the time you have now as what is probably some much needed time for yourself. Maybe you also need a breather to process things as it sounds like she has caused you a lot of confusion with here being kind of flakey about things. Maybe try to read something funny but which also has good advice in it. Here's a book that has helped me along the way.
>>710451954
Ooops forgot the link.
https://www.amazon.ca/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S
I live my life wanting it worse, but wanting worse is looked down upon. I feel like I have it bad, but in reality I have a lot of things people would love to have. Some weeks I'm depressed, others I'm overly joyful. I don't know what it is /b/. I want to die even though I have a lot going for me. WHY DO I WANT TO DIE EVEN THOUGH EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL?
>>710451244
>turns out I was expelled
>the harambe dude's family pressed charges on me and I got moved to a juvenile detention center
>me and Lena still talk over skype frequently, but i never thought she viewed me the same anymore
Oh and keep in mind the center was still a school and i was in my junior year
>Skip ahead 6 months
>i get out of the center and move to this hick ass town a couple of miles from the city.
>Lena visits me once a week
>the time she isnt with me we're skyping
>life is pretty good so far
>not a single A- in any class
>Solid 4.0 GPA
>I'm so fucking proud of myself
>skip to graduation
>i graduated after Lena so she was going to come watch mine
>I sit in my seat waiting for Lena to show up
>she never does
I'm on my way up to the stage
>no sign of Lean
>at this point im pissed
>recieve highest honors of my class
>hands me my shit and I walk off stage
>we throw our hats in the air and I just picked up some random hat and put it on as I walked out
>I walk outside, pull out my phonr, and call Lena
>no answer
>wtf
>I see my mom waiting for me outside the school
>she's bawling
>I think what the hell and rsh over to her and put my arm around her shoulder while asking her whats wrong
>"im so sorry anon, im so sorry, she was such a good girl, im sorry."
>I think to myself what?
>then somebody pops into my head
>Lena
>"No, not her, please tell me its not her"
>"She was in a car accident on her way here"
>"Shes in critical condition"
>Good ol' mom tells me what hospital shes in
cont.
Does anyone have that compilation for that one black guys birthday?
>be me
>keep fucking up everything I try
>parents are fucked up
>it's their fault
>must distance myself
>move to another state
>try college and working again
>fuck it all up once more
>actually fuck things a lot more than before
>all is worse now
>no profit
>the problem was me all along
No wonder a psychologist said there was something "wrong" with me when I was only 4 years old, she was right.
>>710452460
Thank you for the book. Just watched a comedy movie, I think it kind of helped out. I'll take a look at the book tomorrow. I might just drink a beer for relaxation and sleep soon... I had a long day, more like a long year...
>>710430383
I just want to start a new life and then maybe just go live in the woods for the rest of my life and leave everyone alone.
>>710453378
Same, but with wifi.
>>710452796
>I rush over there going 90 down back roads
>I burst through the doors and yell her name
>a short nurse walks out and asks me
>"are you anon anonymous?"
>"yes, oh god where is she"
>"this way please"
>the nurse leads me into a small rooom and in the middle of it there she is in a neck brace on the hospital bed.
>Her eyes move over to mine and she coughs
>"Took your sweet time getting here, huh."
>I snivel, admiring the sense of humor she developed over the years
>"Lena, what happened"
>"Nothing a tab of advil cant fix."
>the doctor walks in cliche as d=fuck with a clipboard.
>"Anon, come with me please"
>Doc tells me a piece of metal from the truck she hit lodged itself in her gut and she's internally bleeding
>He says theres nothing they can do
>He says hes sorry
>I walk back into the room
>She speaks up
>"You know I'm sorry anon, for not showing up."
>"I love you, anon"
>"Oh my god Helena"
>it was the first time i used her real name in 3 years
>I walk over to her and hold her hand
>I say
>"I love you, so much Helena."
>"You have no idea how much you mean to me anon, I love you, you are my life."
I kissed her as she flatlined
I held her hand as she died
Its been 4 years, and I feel I could've done more to try to help her.
Lena, you have no idea how much I miss you
I still hold your pillow as I cry myself to sleep every night
I'm so sorry
And I love you Helena
>>710452199
you got it my dude
>backtrack a bit.
i havent talked about this in a bit so i forget some arguments. just want to forget it all
>looking for pics of peach cuz my baby
>sees pic from summer or something
>happy birthday queer
>drawing of the "squad"
>heart above queer
>erased for unknown
>heart moved
>confront
>depressed cuz of all the shit mashed together
>still poems for her, but personal ones are sad
>im sad
>tell her shes never drawn anything for me or anything cute like that
>decides to draw me something over break
>drawing of a photo of us kissing
>hang it on the wall cuz i love her
unknown date im throwing in
>hanging afterschool
>talks about her ex. forgot why
>peach"he doesnt yell like you. he doesnt like the music you do. he likes kpop like me. *more things in common and reasons hes better*
> in academy when we were dating we got married and we had a cake and i wore a dress and blah blah
>kms. more depressed than ever.
>she notices she fucked up and apologizes. comforts me
she used to comfort me and me her cuz were both angsty fucks who get moody. for the longest time even after she left me her voice still comforte me. i hated that.
>back forward
>peach wants to exchange christmas presents
>agree cuz i love her
>need the perfect present
buy her jewelry cuz i know she wanted some. nothing really expensive. most i bought was a silver ring that cost me maybe 20-30. idk
>bought a pendant of a suicided skeleton cuz i like it
>show her and tell her i went shopping
>peach"why do you like that seriously"
>"its me in the future"
>peach"no dont say that"
>around the same time i believe
>we have spanish together
>watch movies occasionaly where we do couple shit. nothing nasty. occasionally finger licking cuz we enjoyed it
>one movie has domstic abuse scene
>"us in the future"
>joke hit a spot
>has a thing for that. shes pissed at me
>eventually smooth it over
>ff
>last day before christmas break
so i guess i still have a few posts to go
>>710453688
Oh fuck so sorry anon.
>>710453688
Jesus fucking christ anon
Hearts out to you
>>710446538
Oh good job on the story anon I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about
>>710440152
Do you know if Stan was a real person? I don't think he was but I was listening to Eminem last night, Mockingbird and When I'm Gone are my favourites, as well as Rabbit Run
> be me at age 16
> researching what to prepare for when taking magic mushrooms
> discover that I will face my deepest darkest fear secrets
> start thinking about my childhood for some reason
> I think back to me being 8 and start hyper focusing on some weird grey area
> start to remember what my darkest deepest secret is
> I ate my sister out around that age and my dad walked in while I was dry humping her
> Try block it out and not worry
> Take the powdered mushrooms, brew them in hot water, I had a good and bad trip, I felt like I was freaking the fuck out on the inside but also was smoking so I can't remember it in too detail, it was overall interesting, but jesus christ did they taste like shit
> Skip to 8 months later, hanging out with friends and my girlfriend, smoking some weed and playing the card game Liar Liar (also known as Bullshit)
> The point of the game is to get rid of all your cards by laying them down then stating what the cards are too the group, if someone calls 'bullshit' you show them what cards you laid down, whoever looses the challenge has to pick up the whole deck
> Around this time the pain of feeling like a sick disgusting incest rapist was fucking with my head
> Start bawling in front of everyone, just tears running down my face
> Best mate and girlfriend take me into the kitchen and try calm me down
> Best mate leaves and my girlfriend asks me what's wrong
> Can't bring myself to say anything because I have a massive fear of judgement
> Break up with her a couple months later because I don't feel like I deserve her, we get back together after a couple days, she then breaks up with me a month later
> 5 months past, one of friends was dating her and I was kept from knowing about it for 4 months
> Fuck my friends and fuck my ex
The hardest hitting feels thread I've been in for a while.
Fucking christ dude
>>710454590
Indeed...
>>710454170
Are you a John Green ya novel?
How do I stop thinking about suicide every other day? I don't like it.
>>710431474
gonna pull a supertramp anon?
cunt.
>day before christmas break.
>i forgot to mention roses
>she always had the dream that a guy would buy her a bouquet
>tells me that
>insists i buy her one
>empirefightsback.jpeg
>she seems upset, i dont say much
>buy her roses as a sort of surprise
>buy myself energy drinks cuz theyre good
>show uo with roses, she lights up with joy. i was happy just seeing her so happy
>assembly
>with her friends
we attended two assemblies together. each time i insisted. she always fought back. i had to insist and join her and her friends.
>fought back more than before
>has gifts for all, including her queer
>during assembly pays no attention at all to me
>isolate self
>she gets mad
>im forced to hold her as im ignored
>hugs her friends goodbye
>dont do it
>she hugs her ex
>exchange gifts.
>take photos with presents and shit, couple stuff
>both open gifts. both love them. to this date i still have them. she was scared that i wouldnt like mine. i still use them. beanie and perfume. i dont use beanies alot. but i use the perfume a decent amount
>later some time. or earlier. idk
>fight over her ex again
often times shed get mad becuase of her ex. something he did. chick x who likes him posted about him. et cetera
>hug at assembly comes up
>peach"it seemed like he didnt even want to hug me"
>"why does that upset you" obviously wanting to die
>op forgot specifics as always.
>fast forward
>christmas eve
>wants to stay up together
>talk all night. get into fight
>she tries to brek up with me
>not ops first break up around the halladay
>clingyness and mentioning saved a few weeks
>mentioning might have come later
>sext that night. she never wanted to go all the way but i got booty rights and some other dirty shit and love her so i was happy. but sexting turns her on too much. actually enjoys me tlaking about going all the way and cuming
>new years eve
>wants me to watch the ball drop with her through phone
>agree though i fought it
cunt
>>710453688
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood
>>710456307
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>>710454419
sorry im all over the place. im almost done though. maybe one more post or this might be last
>never see ball drop
>was peeing half asleet
>she still doesnt know
>back in school
>she asks what would i do if we broke up more constantly
>realize shes trying to end it where we normally made out
>start crying
>she loses courage
>makes out as always to shut me up. says she doesnt want to end it
> later that week
>rouotine fight
>"you want to break up dont you. i fucking know it"
>bigmistake.png
>she ends it
>i try to redeem myself
>doesnt work
>cries nightly for a few weeks
>friends come over to distract me
>notices peach stops going to the tutoring she "had to do"
>other excuses become clear
>she hangs out with queer constantly now
>alone together
>i just wanted her back
>just wanted to cry
>start going late to school
>doing hw in class the day its due
>no motivation at all
>sleep a lot
>no more poems
>goodbye_to_romance.mp3
>bad habits up the ass
>play with drugs and cigs again to cope
and that is where ill end it. i sortve lost myself after she left. still kinda lost. not sure if im completely over her. it all fucked me up. although that could easily be me being angsty
tl;dr:
i fell completely in love with a girl. she never fell out of love with her ex. lies to me. leaves me and talks to her ex more. op is fucked.
hope you enjoyed. this is babys first greentext, so sorry itts all over
>>710434800
>>710434825
>>710440623
>>710443597
>>710445027
>>710445263
>>710445412
>All of these posts, all of the feeling, the passion, the emotion, the romance, the love
Why can't I feel? Im almost 30, and I've had relationships in the past but can never feel anything, I dont love them, I've said I do, but that's just hoping that the feeling will come, then comes the part of breaking their hearts and explaining that you never felt anything
>I almost want love like these posts, even if it goes unsatisfied
>Everyone is right, it's better to feel pain then nothing at all
>I just feel like an empty husk, no emotion, no satisfaction, and I try my hardest, that's the worst part. I try to feel things for people and i have to sit by as I watch my life tick away, the only three people I care about are my friends from highschool that I still talk to a lot
>They've lived their lives, their married, have kids, and the kids call me Uncle
>They're always asking why I'm not married, or why the last girl didn't work out, and I have to make something up
>I missed out on so much, innocent carefree teenage love, but there was no her
>I didn't grow up in a typical neighborhood, so all of those suburban experiences are out the window, neighborhood kids, family friends, growing up knowing kids and knowing their parents
There was only ever one girl, and I hate her so much
>She was my neighbor, the only neighbor I ever talked to, my other neighbor on my floor was an old couple, my upstairs neighbor was a drug dealer, but he was kind of cool and nice
>But then there was her
>She was my age, we played all the time
>Near out complex, their was a hill that would fill up with snow evey year, but during the spring/summer was pretty empty
>I remember the first night out parents let us stay out alone
>We just sat there, looking at the stars, barley talking
>I loved her with all of my heart, I can't even put it into words
Nearing character limit so I'll cont. if anyone wants
>>710435814
stop caring so much about other people and focus on yourself
I posted this awhile ago on a Wall thread but I just briefly explained it with green text.
I've never really told anyone my life story, afraid to be called a pussy or told to grow up or just have the little bit of a social life i have thrown out the window for new ways people could pick on me.
My entire life was a joke all thr way from pre K when I got held back for behvior reasons and when I finally got out of Pre K, I was made fun of in first grade because I was older than everyone else. This went on for years, i went to almost every school in a 50 mile radius.
But no matter where I went, i was bullied. I was poor and I wore old clothes that were torn. I had trouble talking to people without being a spazz. I had very few friends our of the almost 7 different schools I attended from first to fifth.
In sixth grade, things calmed down a bit, I got back together with some of my friends from elementary. I'd say sixth grade was the calmest year for me until the end of the school year.
I was talking to someone about hunting and two preppy girls come over start making fun of us, we tried to ignore them, but they just kept going until class was over. After that class, in about fifth period, i got called to the guidance consoulor where the two preps walked out with snotty faces. I walked in to see my mother who was very upset, sitting in the corner of the room.
Basically, the girls told the guidance consoulor that I had said I was gonna shoot up the school
So after about a month of bullshit, i get sent to alternative school, where it isnt too bad, i get good grades and all that but it marked the beginning of the worst part of my life.
At the time, my parents found messages on her phone from one of the teachers at the high school.
He had been taking advantage of her.
Suddenly everything went downhill.
After a year of waiting for court, he was released on bail and moved to somewhere in michigan or something.
countinue?
>>710458169
go ahead anon
I miss her... so much...
don't know how to hold on.
I broke up with her because I was holding her back. I lost my drive and desire for more. Now i'm slowly losing everything I built up. Maybe it'll be easier to end it when I won't have anything left.
>>710456658
Fuck it, I'm continuing for myself, writing things down helps me sort thing
>I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt, I was 10 and I was the most anxious I've ever been
>Keep in mind, at this time, my parents were going through a rough divorce and she was my only friend
>I relied on her, I needed her
>After I told her my feelings, she slowly slipped away from me
>Before I knew it, she stopped talking to me all together
>She abandoned me
>I never felt so alone, when I was sad, there was no one who would knock on my door and ask if I wanted to slap a balloon around the hallway, or hang around the park
>No one who I could talk to about dumb things, who would show me her room
I remember her room, and as im typing this, im remembering more and it hurts
>Her room was purple, she had a bed but no bed frame, just 2 white mattress on the floor
>There was a big mirror right across from it
>We'd sit on her bed and talk about things I can't remember anymore
>But now, I'd be lucky if she responded to me
>I never had a reason to leave the house
>Trapped in the shouting and cursing, and blaming
>So I never had a reason to leave my room
>There I sat, alone
>Crying
>I could never get much sleep as a kid, it was a problem that my parents always tried to fix, warm milk, leaving the tv on for background noise
>So it was being up until 2am every night crying to myself
>My mom tells me my neighbor's parents are getting divorced
>I can hear the fighting through the thin apartment walls
>I try my hardest to reach out to her, let her know that she can talk to me, that I know what it's like, she says thanks, and goes back to avoiding me
>One day, her mom knocks on my door and talks to my mother for a bit, I say hi, and go back to my room
>Hear the big metal door close, and my mom comes into my room
>She tells me that the girl moved away with her dad out of state
>Never hear from her again, not even a fucking letter
I hate you Caitlyn, you ruined me
>>710458169
Somehow the bastard managed to keep his teaching license and now he's living happily with his wife.
But then my dad got into alcohol and drugs.
He came home happy as ever and we noticed it.
One day my mom sent me and my sisters to our grandparents house only to find out a few hours later he was on pain pills and other drugs. His job as a nurse made it easy to get them.
He was sent to rehab for a month and after 30 days of not seeing him, the first thing my mom does is divorce him.
After getting things seperated and sorted, they made a non legal agreement to not fight over us kids.
But my mom decided to say fuck that and did some sneaky shit and gets me and my sisters legally for nearly a year.
I fucking hated her. I still do.
I couldnt stand being around her without wanting to punch her in the throat. After the year passes and Im finally old enough to choose who I want to live with, i go straight to my dad and I cut off my mother completely. I deleted anything she could contact me througb. Facebook, email I even changed my phone number because she texted me daily trying to get me to comeback.
After i get away from her completely, I stay that way for nearly two years.
Around a few months ago, i decide to start talking to her again.
And she's already back with the bullshit.
Not even the first week of starting to talk to her again, she says she has throat cancer
>irony?
And she uses it against me so hard. She guilt tripped me with it every chance she got.
"Now that I could die"
Really unlikely, she got the best kind of cancer to get rid of
"I've decided to not be so down about everything like you are, I dont understand it"
>flashbacks to most of my life
"yea mom whatever"
cut off contact again and stop talking to her all together like I did before.
Since then, I've met one of my old friends again and through him I met a few girls.
One of which had dated him before.
cont?
>be in the shut-in discord
>cute girls talking
>some girl starts joking with me saying stuff like ''hehe anon you rejected my offer to marry''
>shes pretty old. 29
>doesn't mind the fact im 19
>send her nudes
>she sends me one back but hasn't talked to me for almost 12 hours now
should i be worried ?
>>710459866
go on ahead
>>710460107
if you're in the shut-in discord she's probably just as autistic and shut-in as you, so no
>>710449685
Anon that's some of the saddest shit i have read. Just know I care about you in this life or the next
>>710460107
No you tard. Give her some space for a while, goddamn.
Hovering over a woman you just started being flirty with is cringy as fuck and will drive her away.
Go back to your shit and play some video games for a couple days. If she doesn't message you then, call her up and ask her if she wants to hang out, then play it from there.
