Things you would tell your 13 year old self if you could
>stop fucking urinating after you masturbate, our balls will thank us
What
>>714417838
Huh?
>>714417838
save all the monies, invest, compound interest! bet all the monies on trump winning the election and the cubs winning the world series in 2016
>>714417838
Fok u mean I almost always do.
What's your dik problem op?
>>714417838
What the fuck you talking about you Fucktard?
don't kill that lady and her baby in that car accident
>>714417838
>>714418151
ror
>>714417838
Ed Sheeran comes from the bladder, which is near the end of the ejaculatory chain, and as urine cannot pass backwards to the chain through the great distance between the bladder opening and the vas defrence, op is a moron
>>714418195
>Ed Sheeran comes from the bladder
>>714417838
>tfw cackroids could have been prevented
>>714418195
>Ed Sheeran comes from the bladder
BUY BITCOIN NOW!
>>714417838
KILL YOURSELF LIL ME! DO IT FOR THE BIG ME!
>>714417838
Lotto numbers
>>714418373
kek'd
wubalubadubdub!!!
>LISTEN, I NEED YOU TO LISTEN! in 2016 dishonored 2 will be a broken, unplayable piece of shit. DON'T BUY IT!
>>714417838
>stop fucking urinating after you masturbate, our balls will thank us
other than piss going all over the place how is that bad?
>>714417838
I was 13 in 1977.
>>714418876
Well that's a retarded thing to tell yourself. When did you get hit in the head and go dumb? 1978?
>>714418684
i agree. it wont hold up to the first. the story wont be nearly as fun and it definitely wont be as immersive. its gonna be a girl power simulator since the two most powerful character are women and all you do is brutally kill men.
>Dump your girlfriend
>Dump your high school girlfriend
>Go to college
>Don't get married
>>714418986
>getting married
why do guys cuck themselves like this?
>>714417838
Hey, stop doing favors for that girl you like and giving her compliments all the time. Just be as big of a dick as humanly possible and shit all over her personality. Your dick will thank me later.
>>714418950
i'd love to see how shitty it is but the game crashes as soon as i try to load into the tutorial or after the first cut scene
I will tell myself always pee after masturbating. Ed Sheeran will thank me later.
Do not accept the gift of World of Warcraft. It'll fuck you up and make you the worst cunt ever.
>>714419020
society and popculture brainwashes their brains by repeating that marriage is best thing that could happen in life
>>714417838
Kill yourself. You're a failure.
>hitler is going to keep showing up in a wheelchair insisting that you help him walk. DO NOT FUCKING HELP HIM WALK. DO. NOT. HELP. HITLER. WALK.
>>714418195
Reflux.
It doesn't effect everyone, but open your mind a little
>>714418876
Hey there, grampa. Did you have a good day today?
>>714419153
you download it off of steam?
>>714417838
Don't eat the yellow snow!
>>714418950
Have people got to the point that a game with a woman is automatically a SJW game? are you an autist?
>>714419434
i bought the physical copy and it brought a steam installer up and i downloaded over 30gb
>keep your eyes open for a website named 4chan.
So many lulz I missed
>>714418151
Must've been a wild 13 year old.
>>714418876
hey, you're as old as my mom! that's cool. do you want to be my dad? he left when i was too young to remember. i think it would be cool to have a dad who browses /b/.
>>714419345
Go fuck yourself
Dont spend 17-26 being in relationships. Theyll fail anyway. Carry on with what you love doing, dont let college teachers and parents tell you its stupid, its not and it will make you more money than working in IT.....also, avoid /b/
>>714417838
>in 2016 Donald Trump will be president of the US and the UK will leave the EU, when the time rolls around bet on them both happening with all of your monies
>>714418950
play as corvo then?
>>714419720
what did i do?
>>714417838
grow up
Stop listening to your mum all the time
Do bad things occasionally
Take more risks
Stop being a fucking dweeb
>>714419659
Nigger detected
>Study harder for the LSAT
>be more aggressive about rehabbing your shoulder
>eat less junk food
>try harder to make friends
>stop listening to music in earbuds a lot
>do more extracirriculars
>>714417838
Well, I can't urinate during masturbation, I tried.
So when do I do it?
>>714419956
why the earbuds doe
>>714420212
I have tinnitus
Someone who's actually smart here.
Invest all your money in bitcoins
>>714419720
Sorry it seemed like a good opportunity cause of the picture, no offense lol.
>>714420276
constant or ocasional?
>>714420433
checked
>>714420433
Pretty constant. It oscillates in intensity(usually worse at night) but I can tell it's there at any time unless I go outside
>Quit fucking around on Minecraft and get your dick wet you pleb
At least I'm sort of in the process of it now
>>714420276
how long had you been using earbuds? were you always blasting the volume? cut or uncut?
>>714420597
fuck man sounds bad, u go full volume on those earbuds or just constant use?
>>714420399
oh, i get it
>>714421061
what am I looking at here?
>>714420948
>>714421038
As long as I can remember. I never blasted, in fact I made a conscious effort to keep it at a reasonable level(~50%) but I listen to a ton of different music, it's a hobby of mine, and prolonged use just fucked me up I guess. Shit sucks
>>714419466
Well it is.
>>714421061
Y
Not to do acid or coke and not to trust those older fags in dms they will trick u its all lies run
>>714421280
A dick
>>714419300
It certainly not the worst.
>>714421870
I understand that, why is it bisected with a separator in the middle?
>>714422017
Is it 2 dicks that were connected?
>>714421280
>>714421804
i guess just plain old genital mutilation, can be quite a rush for some.
>>714417838
Go and make a living, you stupid cunt
I regret most of my life
>>714419345
>>714418876
Damn! You were already 13 years in when I was born. Usually I'm the oldest one in here.
Not today tho.
Don't do a fuck ton of drugs, moderate. Date Hailey and join the wrestling team. In fact if you join the wrestling team you'll get better bitches than Hailey. Go to college, not tech college and take some goddam AP courses in HS
>>714422094
>I really get excited when I cut my dick off
what a limited fetish.
>>714417838
As somebody who has has excruciatingly painful urination due to that exact thing, DEFINITELY urinate after every load.
>>714418012
Bet everything on leicester, then bet all your winnings on the cubs. Be rich.
Bang those qt bitches in high school, they all get fat.
Also, when theres a girl on her knees in front of you asking if theres anything you want, don't say nothing you clod.
>>714417838
>invest in google
>fap more
>don't waste 10 years on the university, your high school diploma alone will land you your first job
>try drugs
>learn to play on the fucking guitar sooner than later
>continue doing everything else the way you like
>>714422456
Oh shit what did she said afterwards
Don't take that pill
>>714418350
Apple stocks are shit right now, buy buy buy
Be on the lookout for Google
Don't fuck with bitches, just keep up the IT stuff
In 4 years you'll be a good developer, don't stop doing it for sys admin work, it's a dead end
I'd tell him to start a YouTube gaming channel, facecam, screaming, fake space man accent, the usual
>>714417838
did the same at the same age but as the opposite sex, fuck
>>714422456
how old were you?
>>714422659
what was it?
>>714418012
I made $600 election night on predict it, bought $200 worth of Trump shares a few months before the election. Should have fucking like quadrupled down the night of. Could have made thousands
>>714422789
Oohh what a blissful nightmare Etizolam is.
>>714418195
>Ed Sheeran comes from the bladder,
Never introduce your best friend to that cute girl.
Place a high leverage BUY trade on the 1-10-2001 on the USD market. Scrap together 20k and let it roll.. cash out in 2008. Enjoy $14million
>>714422789
>be me
>of the female persuasion
>13yo
>start hanging out with some unscrupulous people I met at the park by my house
>they're all 16yo+
>we all go to one of their houses
>I feel super sketched out but whatever, I'm cool, right?
>get to the house
>typical party going on, like some shit you'd see in a movie
>I go sit down on the couch and kind of soak it all in
>guy I've never seen before looks about 19-20
>asks me how I'm doing, bla bla bla
>conversation progresses to where he asks me how cool I am
>of course, me being 13, I'm the fucking coolest
>hands me a pill
>he says it'll make me even cooler
>judge the pill, it's a small little white thing, thought it was like aspirin or some shit
>I take it
>
>wake up the next morning naked on a bed
>so many missed texts and calls from friends and parents
>there are pictures sent to me of me being fucked and cum and blood leaking out of me (I was a virgin)
>traumatized
>have since grown numb to it and don't care anymore
>can't remember anything of that night except what people tell me
>your dick will grow large by the end stage of puberty
>you will lose weight and will be able to suck your own dick with minimal effort
>do not use ajax dishsoap to masturbate
>>714418876
You were 23 when i was born
>>714423194
Pics?
>>714423194
Got more pics?
>>714423339
I never saved any of them, I don't even know if they're out there anymore
>>714423411
make some new ones
>>714419345
I'd fuck myself with my second cock. Totally would be awesome.
>>714419345
Damn son, this motherfucker is twice as likely to sit on his balls now.
>>714417838
>Fight back more in school, get therapy for your social anxiety, go to parties, talk to girls.. And stop being a fucking beta fag loser.
>>714423194
hot.
I'd tell myself to stop being a cringy fuck and to get more shit done. Coz I was a real cringy loser before I was self aware. Now I'm pretty cool. Back then not at all I was beaten up sometimes. Shit wasn't fun.
Drop out in grade 10. Get the same trade job paying 4k a month on salary. Move up to lead hand by this age. Be making 6k or more without having to deal with shittiness of highschool.
>>714417838
fuck Christi lappe, it's not worth the headaches
fuck the state job, it's not worth the headaches
just let ya know now, the girl you see and marry, will Eventually(after you been married) want kids
yea your life pretty much sucks after ya hit 40
on the plus side though, you get blowjobs and sex 1-3 times a week, though most times it's just once a week and a few times it's once every two weeks.
Also don't check out this website called 4chan, it'll warp and ruin any shot you will have at looking at society and this world in a normal fashion ever again.
>>714417838
at 17 you are going to have lung surgery. The surgeon is going to fuck up your nerves so bad that over the next ~7 years you will have crippling nerve pain. Don't give up because life has plans for you. You change your major in college and ironically meet the love of your life in a statistics class. Have faith in yourself and your intuition. Don't give into temptation. Be happy.
>>714422307
Kek
Like seriously dude I was suspended and expelled for being so much of a loser. Some guys even found my porn and caught me jerking off. Not only that I was the stereotypical nerd super smart but autistic when it came to knowing what popular kids liked that and I wasn't fond of sports and I was a bit fat aswell.
There is no free candy inside that old man's van young Billy, don't trust him.
>>714419618
you're fucking dumb
>>714419659
He probably IS your dad. Fuck.
I tried to come up with something but honestly... My life has been crap and I don´t see anything I could have done differently. I can´t tell my 13 year old self to start taking medication for chronic anxiety since my parents would sweep it under the rug and tell me to "grow up", despite the fact that the only reason I am on drugs now for it is my dad, who first discovered that he needed it and only grew the balls to tell me after being on it for years. We litterally had coffe and I spaced out as usual beacuse of my condition and he basically said "btw you might have chronic anxiety which has fucked up your life until now. You might wanna get that checked."
I can´t tell myself to transfer to a different school to get away from the bullying since my said condition is what caused me to be such an awkward tard so that I got bullied in the first place. I can´t tell myself not to fuck those girls who would cheat on me and break my heart, beacuse there was no one else to fuck. Rather go through shit than remain a virgin ffs my confidence was bad enough. I can´t tell myself to start studiyng finance to try and find a job to dodge working cleaning toilets for years beacuse there was no way old me would have been interested. I can´t tell myself to choose NOT to date that whore heather who sucked the life out of me for 5 years because it is because of that relationship that I have some fucking grasp of what NOT to do in life. Above all, I can´t tell myself to "do this or this will happen" because I came close enough to killing myself at 13 without the knowledge that there is no right direction to go since the right way would not exist for another ten years.
>>714424090
edgier than an obsidian scalpel
Don't get married and if you get married anyways then don't have children.
>>714419743
>also, avoid /b/
good luck getting the rest of the advice
>>714422843
>>714418294
>>714418263
>mfw his music is piss poor
>>714424839
holy SHIT
>>714418839
Squeeze the end of your urethra from above and below, like the opening of a balloon. It opens the urethra properly and stops your piss going everywhere.
>>714424846
what you on, fam?
>Things you would tell your 13 year old self if you could
Life isn't going to get any better.
>>714418876
33 years older than me. . . . The shit you've probably seen.
>>714422696
There's nothing wrong with it, in fact it stops you getting UTI's. OP is a moron.
>>714419020
Well truth be told I married a woman making 100K.
>Good sex, always have money; sounds like a good idea
But that was before she decided to quit and open a business.
>Now I am sole bread winner, sex has diminished
fml when my wife threw out some prize bait and then chopped me up and used me for chum.
>>714425185
i just use computer duster.
>>714425464
this dude is a 6 yo who can type, read, find /b/ and cout or an underage that cant fucking count
tell 13 yo self to study math
>>714417838
Don't do an AP independent study in statistics in high school.
When you graduate high school, don't make the mistake of going to college on the other side of the country.
Get a head start on studying C.
Learn C++ before Java. Going the other way is excruciatingly painful.
No one else thinks being random is funny. They think you're a freak. But you already knew that. Being random was never about making friends for you, was it? It was about building a wall, sealing yourself off from everyone else, because you've been hurt before and you couldn't bear it a second time. Stop doing that. Feel your feelings. If anyone bullies you, or any of the teachers rape you, so be it; suffering is the only way to grow. Besides, most people your age don't want to hurt you, not really. You're missing out on important opportunities to connect with people.
Don't stop eating. It's not worth it.
Get a head start on taking antidepressants. You need them, and the longer you go without them, the more your grades will drop.
What happens to your penis when you see elegant curves on someone's body is normal. Don't be ashamed of it. But when the same thing happens when you see chubby people eating, when you get hunger pangs, when you're in the bathroom and you can smell someone else's poop, when you imagine being torn limb from limb and devoured by the girl or boy you like -- that's not normal. Those are called fetishes, and more specifically, they're repetition compulsions arising from the repressed memory of what your dad did to you. Don't act on them, you'll only end up driving yourself headlong into madness.
Permanently break off all contact with your dad as soon as possible. He really is genuinely sorry, he really has changed, he really does love you and he's really trying his best to make it up to you -- but don't be fooled into thinking it's enough. If he tells you he loves you, and you can't honestly tell him "I love you too, Dad," then what you have is still toxic.
just kill urself my man, your life will just keep getting worse till u go insane
>>714425660
I'm not personally fond of spraying gases into orifices as I don't want to die by infarction, but you do you.
>>714419917
I'm not gonna lie. I'd hit that.
Smoke weed everyday and I'm please and thank you
>>714419917
>Implying that woman isn't 100% 'Murrican
>>714425766
There's a story here.
>>714417838
women are useless
>>714418876
i was 13 in 2011 lol
Morpheus, the machines aren't that bad though.
>>714425830
it's safe, you won't get an infarction from that. when i was about 8 i pumped air up my urethra a couple of times and farted out of my dick as a result. most recently the unexpected dick fart came a couple days after getting my catheter removed.
>>714418464
Fuckin a , only response
>>714425943
sounds like it
>>714417838
I will say this :
"Never believe a girl when she says she loves you. Every girl or woman I met lied. Again and again. They never care for you. All they care for is their own little farce of life. They blame their failures on you. And they will drop you in the very moment you need them, when you are down, when you are sick or broke. They will accuse you of all the things they do and will deny everything they had done wrong. On top of that, they will try to separate you from your family, your friends and other women. They will go lengths to make sure that you suffer when they want you to."
And that idealistic little shit I was at 13 will not believe a single word and will try to be a decent human and treat girls like they actually care for anything in the world except themselves.
>>714423265
>Ajax dishsoap
Fucking kek
>>714426518
i fuck with this
>>714425015
Well played. You speak the truth
>>714426587
Nah, man. I'm not into Neanderthals.
>>714424333
urgh wasted trips
>>714426523
chemically burned my penis, i don't really worry about permanent damage in that department so much anymore since breaking my penis once on adderall and another time on meth about a year ago.
Get cancer, you fucking idiot
>>714419226
Kek
>>714417838
>look just chill out about everything
>try and get a job as soon as you can
>dont be so trusting
>stop being a god damn commie
invest in apple stock
>>714417838
i piss after i jerk it erryday
>>714426807
>>714425632
Say you will leave her for another man if she doesn't start taking care of you again?
>>714427142
kek
>do not fuck ashley; she can't keep a secret. at. all.
>molest amanda all you want; she completely adores you and can keep quiet. minimal penetration, though.
>there's going to be a time when caitlyn asks you to jerk off in front of her. DO IT. it's going to happen often. DO IT. but don't force anything on her; it'll scare her.
>>714418195
>Ed Sheeran comes from the bladder
>op is a moron
>>714427550
More?
Kiss her when i had the chance
>>714417838
> stop talking to that girl you liked
> when its 2013 dont buy csgo
>>714422641
She Said "uhhh.. OK"
>>714422700
16
>lose weight
>socialize
>don't give up on your talents
>kill yourself
>>714427550
what do you do, run a day care?
>>714427550
more redhead
>>714419743
Good advice, especially the relationships part... wasted too much of my youth on that shit.
Not sure about avoiding /b/, wouldn't want to end up a Reddit chuck or anything sinister like that.
Would tell my 13 y/o self to avoid alcohol, and start smoking weed
>>714428600
better to be addicted to weed than alcohol for sure!
>>714417838
I would tell myself that at one point, you can come back and tell your younger self something.
>>714429055
true, time loops. i broke it once in the hospital and was able to see it looping clear as day.
>>714429243
Morphine does amazing things
>>714423194
fucking idiot lol
>>714417838
>>714418012
>>714418157
all that 666 hand signage tho
>>714423411
>I don't even know if they're out there anymore
Even though I haven't seen them, I can tell you with 100% certainty that they are indeed out there.
>>714429390
it was 4 days without sleep followed by seizure followed by panic attack followed by iv valium
>>714422605
You spent 10 years in uni?? You better be a bloody doctor!
stop fucking horses
>>714419020
>>714419300
edgy faggots
>>714417838
>stop fucking urinating after you masturbate
>>714418839
>piss going all over
This is exactly why you should piss after ejaculating. Rinses that thing out so cummage doesn't dry out.
>>714430223
Brainwashed guy spotted.
Hope you wise up and come to your senses before you trust a woman. You get NOTHING out of marriage.
>>714417838
-play less vidya
-hang out with friends more
-lift more consistently
- eat moar, faggot
-actually try in school
-buy all of the Bitcoin you can
-bet all of your Bitcoin bucks on trump
-fuck all the bitches you can
>>714418876
I'm older than you
born in 1963
>>714418195
>Ed Shereran comes from the bladder, which is near the end of the ejaculatory chain
>>714430323
>trust a woman. You get NOTHING out of marriage.
This guy is 110% correct.
Unless you are a total dweeb marriage is a fool's game. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife but it's no longer by choice. I couldn't leave if I wanted to without giving up 50% of my GROSS income for the next 10 years as well as my house.
>>714430806
True.
>>714430806
sci-fi novels
not even once
>>714417838
whats the future like ?
>>714421523
The constant ringing? Because I have always had that.
>>714427550
well if you know all that, you have already done it, so why would you tell that your 13yo self
>>714417838
>listen u lil bitch
>after your 16bday, in that cafe, kiss that girl or you will always regret it
>never go on 4chan
>>714428327
FUCKING KEKKD Anon... ty