you fucks still awake? I'll start with a weak one since
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
you fucks still awake?
I'll start with a weak one since I'm not so bad guy:
>be me, camping outside where our camp is at
>leave the campsite where we are camped to take a pee
>take a pee at a tree
>massive cricket inches from my slipman sitting on the bark of the tree i am peeing on
>take out big knife and cut it in half
>force out a little more pee to hit it but i miss
>really unsatisfying
>go back and enjoy camping the rest of the weekend at the campsite we were at
>>713574086
can you really not top me for this story tonight??
>>713574086
edgelord
I once fantasized about kidnapping a young attractive, healthy model/cam girl, then keeping her in a locked room with a tv and no human contact. Her diet would only be crappy junk food so she gets fat and unhealthy. The lack of human interaction would affect her mentally. Once many years have passed, she is older, fat, sick and ugly, i'll release her into society and see what she makes of herself when she loses the one thing she relied on, being young and attractive. Sick, I know.
>>713574413
you might be a genius
I onced started jerking off over my cousin then they woke up and might have saw me. I played it off as something else but I dont think she bought it and told everyone
>>713574513
hah! im just a curious sorta sociopath
>be me
>be 10 or something
>kinda bullying a Kid
>Faggot nerd always laughs so I dont feel bad.
>Always disliked him
>He Always thinks he is smarter than everyone.
>We push to hard.
>He fights back like he should
>Faggot punches me
>I go into rage mode
>Grabs his Head
>Smash it multiple Times againts our skool fence.
>No spikes because it was fucking high.
>After that hit him multiple Times on his Head.
>I think he was knock out.
>Regret
>Not really because self defence
>Try to make up
>He will never forgive me
>My friend who also was bullying thinks Im cool
>He was populair Kid
>Now I too am populair
>Pretty worth it
Once had a room mate, slept until 4p-6p in the afternoon. He would get angry if we woke him up with normal every day activities.
>During a party, we decide we'll double decker his toilet
>We had 3 bathrooms, he had his own personal one
>We waited until he went outside to smoke
>Herewego.jpg
>Stay on watch as my friend enters his bathroom
>He has nasty shits from last night's party
>Foul...
>He shits right in the tank of the toilet
>Doesn't flush
>Wipes and puts that in the tank too
>Comes out
>"The Deed is Done" is all he says
>Fast forward 1 hour later
>Most of us have forgot about
>Shitty room mate (no pun intended) comes out
>Furious
>Yells and asks, "WHO THE FUCK SHIT IN THE TANK OF MY TOILET?!?! PARTY IS OVER, EVERYONE LEAVE"
We never told him who did it, but he stated it flushed shit for about two weeks and stank the whole time, no matter how much air freshener he used.
>>713575177
kek
Same room mate, he was royally bad
>Each week, each room mate had an assigned job
>Vacuum
>Dishes
>Trash
>Lawn mow
>Etc
>He was on Dishes that week
>Dishes weren't done
>On last day of 'chore rotation'
>Take all dirty dishes
>carefully stack them outside his room
>Know he won't wake up until 4 or 5
>We all do our things we need for the day
>5p rolls around
>He wakes and bakes (stoner)
>Comes out his room
>Doesn't pay attention
>Trips over all dirty dishes
>Cusses furiously
>We all laugh and no one takes ownership of putting the dishes outside room
>Continue laughing as he has to take every dirty dish to the kitchen and clean them all
Framed a guy for "hacking" a college and them losing like 400k in eoi tests. He has to pay like 250$ a month for 5 years
>>713575177
>>713575509
Same fag here
>Same room mate again...
>Doesn't like to take his clothes out of the dryer
>We have 5 room mates
>1 washer/dryer
>Fuck you room mate
>Its his week for dishes again
>Put dirty pots/pans into the dryer
>Turn it on
>He has to rewash all his clothes again
>He also has to wash all the pots with heated on crusty food
>>713575591
This is like what my roommates did to me but granted I was a piece of shit.
How do you get over the guilt even tho keks were had?
>>713575880
Nothing to get over. He was garbage. He smoked pot all day, barely went to school (college). Woke up in the late afternoon. Saw him sober once or twice and it blew my mind that I had never seen him NOT high. He was late on bills constantly and never cleaned.
We also use to steal his food when he would go home for the weekend of holiday. Never tell him who did it, just eat it all so he had to go shopping again when he got home.
No regrets, no guilt.
>be me
>someone told me to kill myself
>fuckyou.png
>buy some hot food from the canteen (britfag)
>throw it at him
>he gets serious burns and was allergic to something in it
>mfw he was in hospital for weeks after this incident
>mfw I get off scot-free
>>713574086
>be 16, in my first "real" relationship
>know this kid named Chris who's 15
>we have a mutual friend who's real tight with both of us, so we end up hanging out a lot
>I fucking despise Chris
>spoiled, arrogant, girls love him solely because he's the new kid at school
>used to having everything handed to him so he thinks he's top shit
>he gets a girlfriend named Hannah
>Hannah is cute as fuck but as dumb as a rock
>she and I dated briefly in 4th or 5th grade when people started realizing they could hold hands without getting cooties
>we ate lunch together and hung out at a park in town
>you could say we have history, in a junior high kind of way
>Chris doesn't know
>Chris brings Hannah around to our mutual friends house
>Chris starts egging me on saying they would throw a party if it weren't for a nerd like me being there(I was better at call of duty than he was even after his parents bought him a 300$ controller and he couldn stand it)
>gives me all of this shit about how girls wouldn't even show up if they knew I was there
>Hannah hasn't had the chance to see how good I've gotten at ignoring Chris' cunty behavior, starts to defend me
>Chris is fucking livid
>he thinks she's taking my side over his when really she's just taken aback by what a cunt her bf is being
>every time she looks at him, I start making all sorts of sexual gestures
>pointing at Hannah and then pretending I'm sucking a dick to imply that she wants to gargle my salty balls
>flipping Chris the bird
>stuff like that
>our mutual friend is laughing his ass off and adding further confusion and excitement to an already tense situation
>eventually Chris goes full sperg and says "Yea, well then why don't you give him your virginity instead since it's such a big fucking deal to you"
>Hannah is speechless
>she storms out of the room and goes outside
Cont
Broke up with my girlfriend in high school. That summer 2ish months after the breakup she texts me at like 3 AM to come over. So being a dumb shit i do. I sneak into her room, and lay on the bed with her. We make out a bit. Eventually get naked. A bit of fingering/oral stuff happens. I go to put it in and she stops me and says she cant since i didnt have a condom on. Kills the mood. Shes on top of me cowgirl after talking for a bit, and what not. She falls asleep. Still naked cowgirl on top of me. I get hard again (since ive got a naked chick on top of me) i put my cock right at the entrance to her pussy and jerk my self off into her. Then proceed to fall asleep as well. We wake up and i leave. Get home and text her things like "thank god you stopped me from putting it in, getting you pregnant would have been horrible" like two weeks later and shes "official" with some other dude and announces she pregnant like another week after that. Pretty good chance it was mine. Obviously. Never told her of course. She kept it. 5 years later now. Shes had 5-6 bfs in the time since that night. Always insisted the kid was the guy she went official with after that night.
TL;DR Came inside a chick without her knowing, might have gotten her pregnant.
Masturbated in a hot tub at a hotel.
>>713574086
I went on my sister's MySpace, and deleted every post on her profile, and almost everything else back in like 2006.
Also I sold all her NeoPoints for a Gmail invite.
Not the most evil thing I've done, but it's what comes to mind.
>grade 5
>some hotheaded dick is pissing me off
>acts untouchable because he had a medical condition where his blood doesn't clot properly
>fuck that
>tackle him making sure to hit him with my elbows
>he cries
>go to the office, his mother is called
>he goes to the hospital, I get off without punishment
No regrets. The next year, someone kicked him in the nuts super hard during track and field. That was the most entertainment anyone had that day. I never saw him again after that.
>>713576630
Yes
>>713574413
>Most evil thing you've ever done
>ever done
>done
Loser.
>>713574086
>Be me, heterosexual Aryan
>Visit San Francisco for the first time
>Buy telescopic mace. Stash in alley outside gay bar
>Enter leather bar
>Meet gay nigger
>Lure him to alley
>Bash his brains in
>Laugh as he dies at my feet
TL;DR: Killed a nigger faggot.
White power.
>>713574652
or a little bitch who want to believe he's a man
>grabbed autistic kids hand in jr year and forced him to touch chicks tits/ass
>chick giggles
>i get called to office
>play it off
>kid is apparently scarred or some shit
>also had this kid do my math homework
>get call in for that too
>tried to pay him $5 to do it
>>713577002
>>713576630
you finishing this or what fgt?
>>713577297
>>713576630
Literally the only reason why I'm still here
>>713576641
next time greentext
but still, fucking brutal lol
>>713574649
Something similar.
Be me, 14
Sleep over at cousins, 14 and 13
All the parents gone to halloween party
We all fall asleep on pullout couch in living room watching scary movies and eating junk food. Carb overdoes for us.
Wake up at 2 a.m.
Both cousins still passed out, one of them cuddled into my arms.
Have to pee badly... try to wake her but she doesn't budge.
her shirt had rode up to show midriff.
instant hard on
Shake her not so gently
Nothing
Start rubbing on her, moving my hand up to her chest
Decide this is it, unbutton pants and get a handful.
Finger bang her in sleep.
other arm still stuck under her from cuddling me...
use free arm to move her hand to my dick
jackpot
after a few minutes of this I rub my precum on her slit
want to fuck so bad
i start feeling her breasts again
She jolts up and storms to her room....
Think its game over...
dont hear a phone dialing...
fuck it, have to pee still.
get back to living room other cousin still asleep...
>>713576630
hurry up nigger
>>713576630
I'm getting tired of waiting senpai
>>713574946
Even for a 10 year old kid you're a fucking loser.
>>713576630
>mutual friend and I both tell him to go after her
>he'd rather walk into the living room, sit down on the couch, and sulk
>mfw fuck it
>I go outside to talk to Hannah because she got a ride there with us and there was no way she was walking home
>she's crying on mutual friends porch swing
>I tell her this is what he's always like when I'm around
>she cries more and says some stuff about how her older sister was right about Chris and how she's stupid for trusting him
>I'm only out there to piss Chris off so I just kinda agree with everything she says and pull her in to cry on my shoulder
>mfw I can hear them at the widow behind us trying to figure out what's going on
>"Well I've gotten pretty good at avoiding him and I'm not the only one who does it; you can hang out with us if you still want to stay for the party"
>mfw Hannah just nods
>mfw I hear loud footsteps leading away from the window and the mutual friend whispering in a panicked sounding voice
>ffw to the last few hours the party
> I've been playing 2v2 beer pong with Hannah as my wingman all night
>enjoying every cunty glance from Chris as he avoids whichever room we're in
>sneak Hannah outside when things start to quiet down
>make sure to walk her right by Chris as we tell people we're leaving
>get Hannah into my car and she tells me that he already took her virginity and that she doesn't know why he said it like that
>tell her some cheesy shit about how she could've done a lot better
>she says she isn't sure, but she thinks his dick might be small
>mfw I have a slightly above average cock
>in that moment, I decide to go for it
>we fuck in my car right outside the living rooom window
>before the windows fog up too bad, I see at least 3 people look out the window at us with a shocked look on their face
>fuck like my life depends on it
>use what little knowledge I have of the female anatomy to it's fullest to make her cum a whole two times
Cont
>>713577806
yes yes yes type faster this time though
>>713577496
Ehh. On my phone. Had it typed out already. But yeah. Lol. Hadnt came in like 3 days and blasted it all inside her. Sorta held my dick there so none leaked out until i fell asleep as well.
>>713577806
>she's drunk and she's only ever had sex with tiny dick Chris so she overexaggerates both orgasms like crazy
>moaning like a sloppy drunk banshee in heat
>we snuggle for a good hour before leaving
>I keep needing to distract her to keep her from trying to look out the windows and realizing how close we really are to the house
Instantly ruined the relationship I had with the girl I was dating at the time and it fucked up my reputation with girls for a while, but it was so worth it. Chris never said another word to me. Hannah and I are still bros
>>713578067
Good story. I don't think I would've done anything different if I was in your shoes.
>>713578067
Well played OP
Get me a phone phaggit
>>713578067
mfw I'm not a cunt like chris but i have a small dick and life is a terrible tragedy and i want to die
>>713578067
Great story OP.
>>713576870
Another school thing I remembered.
>grade 7
>out biking and climbing trees with 2 friends
>me and one of them take turns carrying climbing equipment
>the other "friend" refused to carry anything, and was being an asshole in general.
>tensions were already high between us, he had stolen shit and tried to frame us
>continue deep into a forest
>running out of time for the day, it's getting dark
>asshole still not cooperating
>we've had enough
>I toss rope into his back tire, it gets really tangled
>while he's steaming over it and demanding I fix it, the other guy gestures to me "let's get out of here"
>we abruptly leave, riding out as fast as possible
>make it to the edge of the forest, we can hear him screaming "WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS!"
>we have a laugh, and part there for our homes.
>the next day, good guy comes and drops off my rope
>from then on, we didn't let the douche come along with us while biking.
The ass had previously ditched me in the woods before, so this was good fun for me.
I have quite a few stories from school. Getting a desk thrown at me, perving on and molesting a few classmates, getting the same guy suspended for up to a month multiple times in one year, and stories of other people like the attempts to paralyze and murder people at my middle school. Good times.
>>713574946
kys
>>713574086
I once had sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation
>>713574946
So yesterday was great, huh?
>>713574086
I strangled my little brother when we were both very young, I can barely make out memories of it. All I remember is him being annoyingand my mothers reaction to the bruises on his neck
I once hit play on a RWJ video
I disappointed my whole family by being gay.
not me but a good friend of me:
>he is a computer genie
>is and was always
>when he was ten he hacked a bunch of credit cards
>he ordered random stuff to random adresses
>he had only one false name and it was Mr. Kaiser
>after a few years news started to track this Mr. Kaiser, he is in charge for making millions of economic harm
>He realizes that he needs to stop
>He didnt quit completely yet, Mr. Kaiser became his live.
>be me
>be sophomore year of hs
>In math class
>Teacher passes a test back
>Bro gets higher grade than me
>Calls me dumb
>Nuh uh nigga
>Next day
>Gym class
>We're swimming
>During class, I go back into the locker room
>Grab cayenne pepper from my bag
>Sprinkle some in bro's boxers
>Chuckle and leave
>Notice him bitching about how his nuts burn, blames it on chlorine
>Laugh and leave
I did this for several weeks, until we stopped swimming in gym. I told him while we were drunk around a campfire
>>713578376
shit thats an old meme. Havent seen that one since highschool
>Be 22 meet girl at a social dancing event
>she is 17 but I don't care, great body and can move hips
>get her to go out on a date with me
>take her to dinner and a movie
>It's a one time showing of "it's a wonderful life"
>dress up to make her feel special...dress is hot AF
>take her home afterwards start making out
>She pulls out my dick and starts rubbing her clit on my dick
>dick slides into the wettest pussy I've ever felt
>fuck on the first date
cont..
>>713574086
microwaved a dog
I looked at naughty pictures on the internet after bedtime once.
>>713578614
>Her 18th birthday is a month later
>she is sick as shit and only her best friend and I show up
>She goes to bed early so take her best friend out
>buy some shitty alcohol and her friend tells me how I am too smart for her
>friend wants me to be with her instead
>GG EZ
>Make out with her best friend
>her friend tells gf that I made out with her
>use personal info to drive a divide between the two and tell gf that her friend came on to me
>break up a pair of best friends for the lawlz
>continue dating the girl for 7 more months
cont
>go to party
>friends ex-gf is hosting the party
>myself and 4 others come along
>they have a keg
>proceed to drink
>float keg in under two hours
>the 5 of us decide to leave
>not before
>all 5 going into the bathroom
>piss on everything that is not a toilet
>looks like a garden hose went off
>we leave
>never see girl again.
>>713574086
came on my sleeping sister
>>713576630
continue dammit
>>713574086
don't recall what age I was (somewhere between 8 and 12, but the most evil thing I did was punish a puppy by placing it in a time out box, and then forgetting about it, the next day the pup was discovered dead. Has weighed on my conscious ever since.
>>713578792
>Get gf to restore relationship with best friend
>best friend still heavily into me (more lawlz inbound)
>gf goes out so I hang out with her friend
>watching doctor who on the couch while she let's me massage her
>test the boundaries and start to massage her tits and kiss her neck
>moans and wants more
>not feeling it, save this for another time
>a month later we all drink together and gf gets jealous at attention to her friend
>we drive to get some food, gf passes out in front seat
>fuck her best friend in the back seat as gf lays passed out in the front
>next day text her friend and we're down to do this more
cont
>>713578975
It didn't make any noise?
>be me at 17
>walking home in the dark
>old lady walking same direction as me slowly
>walk faster
>grab her from behind
>start choking her and feeling her breasts
>run home
>fap furiously
>come home after long day of work to gf and I'd apartment
>generally give her money to pay bills
>find out she is horrible with finances
>lights are off and candles lit when I come in late
>ohshitmydicksgonnagerwet.png
>actually click light, doesn't work
>this cunt didnt pay the bills
>start arguing with her
>eventually spank her with a belt until serious bruising
>fuck her asshole two times until cum
>tell her I'm getting a hotel for the night and leave
Came in my sisters mouth when she was 12. Damaged our relationship into adulthood. Only realized the full guilt these last couple years. Remember throwing her a towel to spit into.
Still regret. Can't forget that first real blowjob though
>>713579038
I wouldn't have known, it was a neighbors puppy, they had a litter at the time, and it was punishment for a misbehaving one, over at their house, and apparently no one else was aware of what happened
>>713579101
yolo
>>713578975
A time out box?
Was it airtight or something?
>>713579101
How old were ou?
>>713579165
Damn, well you live and you learn I guess.
>>713579179
was like a kids toy box or kids tool box or something, not well constructed just plastic or something. I really didn't think it would have hurt the pup or anything at the time.
>>713579165
That poor puppy
Nobody cared about what had happened?
what were the reactions
>>713579027
>felt bad, told gf we cheated, kinda wanted it to be over
>She cries
>don't care
>blame it all on the friend and then leave the state
>she wants to make it work |
>areyoufuckingkiddingme.org
>she comes out to visit we fuck most of the time
>Never use condoms because fuck them
>she gets pregnant
>shit just got real
>currently hooking up with local girl as well
>she gets pregnant too
>tell gf that I am currently hooking up with local talent
>she cries more
>still wants it to work
>wtf mate?
cont
>>713579288
It was discovered dead the next day, people cared, I cared, it was very sad, I was too guilty to fess up to it, the dog was buried.
>>713574086
I stole GTA 3 from my cousins game case when I was like 9.
I also stole a friends copy of FF 10.
Always felt real bad about it tbh
>>713579303
cant wait to hear more about the stupid cunts you've fucked
>>713579303
moar
>>713579340
Guess he should've behaved better lel
you were a kid tho, shit happens
I've done some pretty greasy shit in my day.
I spent a few months making a kid into a racist. I don't know why I felt the need to do it. I was a teenager and I guess I thought it was funny, or interesting, or whatever. Just kept filling his head with racist ideas and basically turned a 10-year-old into a Neo-nazi. It was a whole ordeal. He's not a nazi anymore and I cleared everything up (sort of), but I doubt his family will ever forgive me for it. (I wasn't even a racist myself at the time. Weird, I know.)
I also used to respond to m4m posts on Craigslist pretty often - once I got responses from middle-aged weirdos, I'd use their email addresses and whatnot to figure out who they were, where they lived, where they worked...many of them were married to women, had children, etc,. I never did anything with this information, but I always kinda fantasized about blackmail plots, or just exposing them for the lulz.
I'm pretty manipulative. I've broken down relationships between people (friends, coworkers, relatives, whatever) just to see how it plays out and how much influence I can have without being "detected."
I might be a bit of a sociopath, but I guess being able to acknowledge it in myself means I can't be all that bad, right?
>>713574086
I caught and beat a rat to death, spent a whole hour till I actually killed it.
>on holiday with family
>sister is 17, me a year younger
>sister, mom and aunt have been drinking cocktails all morning
>adults go out on some trip
>sister has passed out or fallen asleep by the pool
>I'm in the pool
>can see her camel toe
>boner.gif, start jacking it
>after 10 mins, she hasn't moved a muscle
>get out, go over and poke her on the cheek
>nothing
>poke her in the ribs
>nothing
>she's wearing one of those bikinis with the strings at the sides
>give one of the strings a tug
>pull front down, discover her bush
>harder than I've ever been before, start jacking again
>her lips are quite prominent
>about to cum, rub dick across her pubes
>cum buckets
>put her bikini back in place, tie it up
She woke up an hour later and then went for a swim and didn't seem to notice. Also, ever since then I've had a thing for unshaven women.
>>713574086
>have gf
>she has very low self-esteem
>is desperate to please me
>has hot older sister
>come to her place when everyone is out
>make her wear sisters clothing including unwashed underwear
>fuck her while calling her her sisters name
>cum on her face and tell her it feels better when i imagine its her sis
>>713579303
>Can't get over local talent
>solid 10/10
>visit back home and gf
>no lack of trust
>she fucks me silly
>talking to local talent non-stop while visiting
>convinced gf to get an abortion
>she is distraught over it
>I'm not, it's shit
>Local talent miscarries
>guardian angel killing babies
>keep fucking local talent until gf breaks down emotionally
>I break up with her because she is "too fat"
>married local talent
>remind ex gf how glad I am we didn't end up
>it's been 5 years and ex gf "suffers" from PTSD and can't date anyone
>But I still think raping that one girl and convincing her into an eating disorder is worse than this
>>713574495
Nice beets
I accidentaly killed a boy with my truck at work. Nobody saw it so I just burried him with his bike under cement. The mother came later to ask if we didn't saw him arround, I just told her it was private property and no kids or anyone are allowed. She said "Ok, thank you" ...
Laid a silent greasy warm diarrhea fart in a small portable classroom during a test where you couldn't leave.
>>713579475
Yea idk man, I mean pups are like kids, they don't know any better doing dumb shit. Putting it in solitary confinement with no food and no one else finding it. Dying alone in the dark. Knowing I inflicted that kind of death on another living creature. There's nothing I can feel about it but regret, it's darkness and evil.
>>713579476
>wants to be a sociopath
>>713579534
>Actual sociopath
>>713579738
You did the right thing. Give them hope!
>Be me at like 12
>Hate my 10 yr old step-brother
>At restaurant
>Mom tells us to go to the bathroom and wash our hands before we eat
>I wash my hands first while he waits
>Sink has hot and cold water temperatures
>Get idea
>When I finish washing, I turn the water all the way to hot and pretend to keep washing as it warms up
>When it starts to steam I turn it off
>As I walk out of the bathroom I hear him scream bloody murder
>Feel great about it
>Still do
>Fuck him
>>713574513
what does that say
>Be 16
>Have older sister (19)
>find her drinking with her friends
>let me join because I'm "funny"
>took off all their clothes and posted pictures on 4chan
>they found out, her friend lurks
>beat the shit out of me
>pure anger
>raped most of them and threatened them if they told
>filmed all the rapes and keep them on my external hard drive
>>713579738
Ben
>>713579788
I've killed shit before too, when I was younger - chopped up rats and squirrels, shot birds out of trees with BB guns, all that.
Tossed a Pomeranian in a metal dog kennel into a swimming pool one time. That one felt kinda bad.
I think I "grew out of" killing shit though.
>>713577002
"Paging Dr Freud - bring the "liar faget" net, we have a live one..."
>>713574086
>Driving home late at night from the casino in my new car
>stop at a red light.
>five niggers surround the car, two in front, two behind, one on the side
>taps on my window with a handgun
>Push gas pedal to the floor
>Go over a huge bump
>Screaming
>Didn't stop, didn't call 911, didn't do nothing.
>Never heard a thing about it.
Hamster in blender. I heard a scream when the blades started to rotate.
>>713580186
>>Driving home late at night from the casino in my new car
>>stop at a red light.
>>five niggers surround the car, two in front, two behind, one on the side
>>taps on my window with a handgun
>>Push gas pedal to the floor
>>Go over a huge bump
>>Screaming
>>Didn't stop, didn't call 911, didn't do nothing.
>>Never heard a thing about it.
Dead niggers tell no tales. They were probably on welfare.
>>713578067
Shit story kys
>>713580213
That's fucked up! that better not have been a nice blender you ruined, asshole.
>>713580213
Damn. I actually really loved my hamsters as a kid.
>>713578067
I normally read these and think "You fucking piece of shit", but other anon nailed it - there is NOTHING I would have done differently. You're alright, anon.
>>713580186
Poetic justice.
>>713574086
>>713580291
>Taking care of friend's pet snek
>He ran out of frozen mice.
>Went to petco to buy more
>They were out.
>Tried petsmart
>They were also out.
>Bought a hamster...
>neighbours have a fucking annoying bird
>can't sleep
>give it a paracetamol pill
>I shit you not this bird fucking explodes
>shower and enjoy a good night's sleep
>mfw I can finally sleep again
>>713580186
>didn't do nothing
Dindu detected.
>>713579545
so you raped your sister?
>>713580023
Huge firecrackers in frog mouth was the best !
Also, during summer we used to buy some cheap eggs, ride randomly to find houses with open window, and throw them in. We also used to keep the eggs in backyard under the sunlight to have them nicely rotten before use.
>>713579476
Fuck I want to get to know you. Friend.
>>713580285
We poured out the liquidated hamster into a backyard garden.
Hosed down the blender and ran it in a dishwasher.
His mom made us milkshakes in the same blender that night.
We just looked at each other and sipped them.
One of us made the same sound of the hamster screaming.
I snared milkshake.
Mom got upset the hamster "ran away."
Next spring, where we poured out the liquidated hamster, a lot of flowers grew.
>over at friends place
>play beer pong with his little sister and her boyfriend
>everyone gets super wasted
>friends little sister goes to sleep with boyfriend
>we head to his room to play video games
>watch him play for a bit
>get really drunk idea
>get up and tell him im getting water
>go to his sisters room instead
>see them laying on bed passed the fuck out
>i prod the sister whos closest to door
>whip dick out
>start jerking off a foot away from her face
>i lift her arm a bit and let it fall
>dead asleep
>i grab her warm hand and wrap it around my dick
>i start stroking myself with it
>do it for about a minute
>feels amazing
>decide i need to head back to room now since its been kind long
>get water and head back to friends room
>later on decide to "get water"
>go back to little sisters room
>shes still in pretty much the same position
>grab her hand and start stroking myself again
>i squeeze her hand harder around my cock
>i cum after another minute
>my cum pumps on the floor and the lamp next her bed
>reality quickly settles in
>gtfo
>get my glass of water and head to bathroom by the kitchen to piss
>once im done, i open the door
>friends little sister is standing outside the bathroom
>still looks sleepy
>says shes gonna pee
>i laugh and give her a hug and say goodnight
>go back to friends room
and no one knows what happened.
>>713577503
>>Think its game over...
>>dont hear a phone dialing...
and waht happened then, fagit?
>>713580478
No regerts
>>713580342
Hey, whatever works right?
>>713574086
My grandma got very ill. She clearly wasn't gonna make it. I looked for her money and spent it on prostitutes. Then she died.
>>713580502
In Australia as kids in Queensland we used to get Cane Toads (because they're pests) and put them in buckets, poison would pour out of the pores in their skin and they'd drown in it. Then we froze them and we got golf clubs and hit them on a driving range at night.
>>713580708
why couldn't you wait till after she died? Family would beat you to it?
>>713579636
Awful.
>>713579983
Oh yeah? Post it. Pft!
>>713580186
Not even bad.
>>713580213
ur fucked.
>>713580711
how is this even slightly evil?
>>713574086
Stuck some ticks in a candle. I just couldn't handle all the ticks my pets were getting this past summer. I actually think I did it 2 or 3 times now that I think about it, but I really do hate ticks.
Torched a spider colony that had made my bathroom their home with ye olde lighter deodorant combo.
Bullied one of my once best friends for being weird and dating someone on a lower grade than us.
Agreed with my crew to ignore another guy because he was trying to fit in with my crew, he didn't. He eventually left because no one liked him.
Bullied a little kid for a year or two.
Left a group of friends, twice, because they weren't part of the cool kids.
>>713579476
>>713580751
because somebody else would have take the money
>>713580992
You just sound retarded. Nothing bad really.
>be me
>going to a shitty private Christian school cause of physco mom
> be extremely overweight around 250-280lbs
> have below average 5 inch dick
> be socially inept.
>cuethedrugs.jpg
>start taking any and all drugs I can find except meth and heroin
>start selling to other christian kids
>become known as plug
>girls start actually hanging around me
> cut to my senor year
> renting my own apartment
> decide to throw a shroom party
>invite two 6/10 and one 8/10 grills and my whitewashed nigger
>buy a pound and a half of shrooms
>Eat half pound myself distribute the rest to friends
>>713580023
I will not push you because you are too close to the EDGE
>>713579755
Too far anon, too far..
Also, checked
>>713574086
I purposley ripped a kitten in half because my sister made me mad, never got caught.
Kind of just watched it wiggle for a few minutes before it stopped. Decided to throw it in the neighbors trash can.
>rewind 5 years ago
>dating what is now my wife
>her mom's a total mild
>she's a solid 8/10
>happy to be boning her daughter
>her mom's had a shitty run with relationships and have been single for a long time
>tells my wife she finds me attractive
>grosses my wife out, makes me hard as diamonds
>think about her mother when we bang and when I'm alone
>forget about it after we move in together because don't see mother much
>she's over after a breakup with some guy
>says she's too possessive and reduaed to sleep with her
>gf says it's OK she can stay with us
>ohimjackingittonight.gif
>mother sleeps in pretty much nothing.
>caught her in the kitchen getting a drink before bed.
>hard as a rock
>go start to plow my gf
>mother knocks on the door
>god dammit woman I'm trying to cum
>gf instantly stops and says were done for tonight and goes to talk to her mother
>gf comes back in with a serious and sad look on her face
>mom was masturnating to us fucking
>tells me she wants to join us
>try as hard as I could to play it off like that's never gonna happen
>she leaves and comes back a while later and I fell asleep.
>wake up to my dick being sucked on
>it's her mom and she's watching
>mom's giving 10/10. Gf starts masturbating watching.
>her mom stops and grabs her and brings her over
>start to get a double blowjob
>about to cum buckets but trying to hold out as long as I could
>cum in her mothers mouth.
>gf says that's absolutely disgusting
>mom forces gf to cum swap and makes her swallow
>Instant boner again
cont.
>>713579476
you are the reason why 4chan is shit
kys
>>713580600
>I cum after another minute
>Reality quickly settles in
Lol. I know that feeling. You're in a horny drunken stupor and think you have a great idea... then you cum and in the three seconds of sanity you realize you just did something terrible.
>be 15
>Mom and abusive stepfather break up
>stepfather is father of one of my siblings, so keeps coming over
>mom is in hospital pregnant with his baby, she's 40 so there are "complications"
>he comes over to get clothes for sibling
>sees me watching tv
>tells me to get off my ass and do something productive
>i tell him to go fuck himself
>he pulls me off lounge and starts hitting me
>i hit back as hard as ive ever hit anyone
>we fight for a bit and then my crying sibling (age 1) makes him stop.
>he goes to hospital and tells my mom i attacked him
>she calls and gets angry at me, i yell back at her and tell her shes a stupid cunt for having not one, but two children with him
>mom ends up having miscarriage that weekend because of stress
>those feels when I killed my unborn sibling
>9 years later, guilt still gets me.
>>713574086
I took a shit on a newborn baby.
>>713580268
Fuck off Chris
>Friend was on the road
>Stop at an IHOP at 4 am
>polite, get food, thank the staff
>friend gets up to pay and to use the bathroom
>gets back, tells me we gotta go
>friend shit and pissed everywhere that wasn't a toilet!
>Why!?
>"Because I could" he says.
>same friend
>Someone at his job was an asshole to him.
>friend goes fishing, catches limit
>friend goes to store, gets shrimp
>gets eggs too
>friend puts it all in a 5 gallon bucket
>fills the rest with water, and seals bucket.
>hides bucket behind rear seat in asshole's hatchback
>it's summer
>after a few days, pressure builds from rot
>seal ruptures inside asshole's car
>rotted fish, shrimp, and eggs EVERYWHERE
I still gag to this day, even typing about it.
Alright I'll bite.
>Still living with my parents
>Usually masturbate in the bathroom
>Got up to kinky shit in there, usually it only impacted myself
>Sometimes I got off on rubbing my parents/nieces/sisters toothbrushes on my penis
>One time I put them in my ass
>On one occasion I took juice out of the fridge, brought it to the bathroom, peed in it, and put it back.
Good times.
>>713581208
This sounds like a good story as long as it doesn't get too ridiculous. People who have never done psychs are so cheesey when it comes to talking about psychs.
A friend and I jerked off on half a dozen "glazed" donuts and gave them to my head mate. He ate every single one and was extremely grateful.
>>713581367
it's pretty nerve wracking the entire time as well. I just feel like an adrenaline junkie and see how far I can go, then i cum and then reason starts taking over. And alcohol just makes you wanna do it more.
>>713581288
So, no one found out? How old was the kitten?
>look at me I can greentext
>>713581354
gtfo of here you talent-less hack...
>>713581797
OK...
>>713578376
You sick fuck
>>713581449
Are you retarded? You didn't kill that baby.
wtf how deluded are you?
>>713581468
No you didn't
>>713581553
Haha why would you piss in your juice? Like what the fuck abou that turns you on.
>>713581713
No, they figured it escaped or ran away, it was about 2 months old maybe? I was pretty surprised I was actually able to pull apart an animal so easily, including a two month old kitten, didn't really feel bad, not even now. I was 12 btw.
>>713578867
This is BRILLIANT
>>713580849
We're drowning frogs in their own fluids and hitting their bodies with golf clubs to lure snakes onto driving ranges.
>>713574413
You could just marry her.
Same result.
>>713581767
so proud of you
>>713578867
Quality, did you take a pic?
>>713580711
Brilliant
>>713581969
I don't think you know what evil is
>>713581969
Over here we have a shit tonne of garter snakes during the summer, they are considered a pest, I like to forecully tie them together and make a long angry snake chain, then swing it around for shits and giggles.
>>713581969
Seems like a pretty efficient method of killing toads if you ask me. We get squirrels and shit up here, so I shot one with a .45. Knocked that fucker clean out of the tree. Flew like ten feet. Many keks were had
>>713579476
You are a disease
>>713581969
>to lure snakes onto driving ranges
This just creates more questions..
>>713582146
>Long angry snake chain
For the love of god please post a video of this the next time you decide to do it again. Fucking kek
>>713574086
your mom
>>713574413
lol
>>713582146
>Angry snake chain
I laughed pretty hard
>>713582207
Not him but how?
>>713581355
> I was a successful business man, hot wife, hit kids, shit load of money
> decide to get some free publicity for my business interests
> run for President trolling , had no policies, no staff no anything just trolled
> thought in a few months I'd lose and increase my brand
> fuckers kept voting for me
> made up craziest shit, got more popular
> leaked video of me talking shit about chicks.
> morepopular.jpg
> could literally shoot someone and still win
> wtf.mpg
> end up running against chick I gave money too and invited to my wedding
> fuckers still voted for me
> sitting in my apartment thinking
> "well, not something I wanted but at least I'll make a shit load of cash"
> planning to get impeached in a year
> pissed off entire planet, have cultists attached to my T.V. persona, hard too shake
> ordering pizza with sausage
> fuck em if they can't take a joke
Shot a feral cat
But those things are mean.
>>713582146
>long angry snake chain
Jesus Christ anon, my sides are in orbit
>>713582192
I shot a kangaroo through tge ear with a .308 and it popped the opposite eyeball out of its socket. Turns out it had offspring too, so we had to euthanize them
>>713582443
I advise running towards the nearest nigger while swinging an angry snake chain
>>713576702
So did everyone else before you. Enjoy.
>>713574946
Don't mind the nerds hating on you, they were bullied in school too :^)
Good job on bullying an annoying faggot
>>713582257
Like what?
>>713581208
Pic related
>trip starts setting in
> notice the 8 start to get quiet
>have huge crush on 8
> try to talk to her
> she starts mumbling doesn't reply to me.
>realize she's saying colors, whatever light my party rockr was displaying
>she starts getting louder until she's screaming at the top of her lungs
>RedRedBlueGreenOrange
>8 attacks my blinds in full mushroom rage.
> grab 8 and carry her to my room
>tell friends she's having a bad trip
>at this point the full force of the shrooms is kicking in
> lay 8 on bed and start cuddling
> talking her through her trip
> so this for at least an hour
> really getting bored
>8 hasn't moved since I set her down
>start feeling around 8
>no response
>start feeling tits
>awesome.jpg
> no response
>massive erection
> take off her clothes
> 8 starts saying colors again
>don't care too high and too horny
>start fucking
>thrusting every time she says a word
>pull out come buckets all over her
>Put her clothes back on
>return to party everyone's still high on shrooms
>8 comes out about an hour later
> remembers nothing of the night
moral of the story if you gonna rape a girl use drugs
>>713581908
The fact that they'll drink it of course. Strangely enough even after I came that night I still found satisfaction in knowing what I had done. Unfortunately I didn't get to see any of them drink it cause I was looking forward to it.
>>713582146
Someone screencap this shit!
>>713582613
I have, there's just a (you) in the screenshot
>>713582539
I've shot does not realizing that the fawns were right behind them, so naturally I killed them too. Didn't have spots, so not too young. They make very good sausage
>>713582562
I will have to try this.
>>713574946
>be me
>be 10 or something
>this faggot keeps bullying me
>I'm kind of a shy nerd so I always laugh
>Always liked him
>Despite him being in his thirties I'm smarter than him
>He pushed me too far one day
>I go full tard mode
>I punch him
>He goes into rage mode
>Grabs my Head
>Smashes it multiple Times against my school fence
>No spikes because it was fucking high
>After that hits me multiple Times on my Head
>He knocked me out
>Nigga
>All I was doing was sticking up for myself
>He tries to make up
>I will never forgive him
>His friend who also was bullying me thinks he's cool
>He was the principal
>Faggot was a teacher
>Fucking Mr Samson
>>713582700
As long as it is saved, fucking shit is hilarious, first time I have laughed outloud all month.
>>713582572
Haha pretending your story is true, not only did you rape a girl on drugs, you raped a girl while she was having a drug-induced-psychotic-breakdown. Haha.
I tried to fuck a girl that didn't want me to when we were on mushrooms. I kept trapping us in the bathroom and taking off my clothes. But I was FUCKED about 5 mins later I was running around the house naked telling people poop doesn't exist.
Mrw it actually feels therapeutic to type that out cause I never told a single soul until this day.
>>713575582
>>713575582
>>713575582
>>713575582
elaborate, sir
>>713582712
Kangaroos make great sausage, and crocodile meat is pretty good too but I am not hunting down a fucking croc. Bush Turkey isn't bad either.
>>713577002
Guy this guy killed her
Why did you fuck my ass afterwards?
>>713582558
>>713582712
I meant I will have to try using a long angry snake chain against a nigger, not jerk off in a hot tub. But that also seems kinda cool.
>>713582935
Bears make good sausage too. I've had Kangaroo jerky before, shit was cash.
>>713582908
Story's true blue no one know about it still talk to her today although it's been awhile. Ended up smashing multiple times before I dropped her and moved on
>>713583001
I wanna go hunting in the Everglades. That would be awesome.
>>713575591
fuck you square, you sound like a real tightarse
Beat a seal to death with a baseball bat when I was fishing once. Didnt have any regret til it stopped moving and started slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean where i couldnt see it anymore. Still makes me feel like a cunt when I think of it.
>>713582146
For snakes garters are probably the most fucking wierdest reptles I have encountered, they smell so fucking bad too, that angry snake chain probably smelled like rotten shit. How many peed on you?
>>713583155
Seals while fishing? Where tf are you?
>>713583155
That is pretty normal in Canada
>>713583085
Nice, you still trip?
I've not tripped in about a year or so.
I wanked beside primary school playgrounds at lunchtime and got as many kids watching me cum as possible. Sometimes they were so close I could come on some little kids face.
>>713583374
In your dreams faggot
>>713583107
Fuck yeah, that would be. I just wanna go gator hunting, really. The only dangerous game around here are bears. Wolves and shit are just a goddamn nuisance.
>be in high school
>friend is dating girl
>get crush on girl when I first meet her
>they end up dating
>they're dating for a while
>female friend of his catches his eye
>he's horny and stupid
>asks his group of friends if he should go with the girl he's dating or the new one
>encourage him to date the new one so I could try to date the first girl
>he dumps first girl
>she cries her eyes out
>he's all "oh god what did I do"
>he cries
>guilt
>oh fuck the guilt
>he gets back with her
>their relationship still seems rocky in spots after years of being together
>hoodedkermit.jpg "try to catch her on the rebound if they break up again
>still waiting for a chance to be truly evil
>>713574086
Sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
>>713583521
That's too fucking far you sick fuck
>>713583313
Trips?
>>713583215
Plenty, they lived pretty long surprisingly so I did feel a little guilty, but it was still funny to me at the time, I would make sure to tie them around the tail end or close. Also I get what you mean by weird, I've caught a lot of garters.
>>713574946
Have similar story but I was nerd and won
>/b/ me
>11
>been harassed by kid for 4 years of primary school
>one day snap
>grab rock and smash in kidney
He's wheezing
>push against wall
>proceed to smash his head into wall
>he's on ground
>stomp on his temple
>blood everywhere
>teacher walks up
>calls 000
>I ask what my punishment is
>he says that he doesn't give a shit
>>FF next day
>everyone is cheering me
>even teachers are abnormally happy
>literally everyone hated him
>turns out even his closest friends hated him and were just friends with him for perks
>mfw I became most popular kid in school for hospitalizing kid
>to this day I don't know how he survived the boot to temple
I was my secondary school cumslut. By 15 I had the reputation that I would suck any guys cock, because I would. I loved feeling a cock pulse and throb as it came in my mouth. Most of the other girls hated me, I wasn't one of the popular girls, but found my niche as a cocksucker.
>>713574086
>TFW you can't tell a real good story due to fear of implication. But heres a few..
1.
>LIttle brother with napoleon complex and smarter then me.
>Little brother pee's bed often.
>FF to he's 12ish, im 15ish
>He only pee's bed about once a month
>Go on summer vacation to grandparents house.
>He pisses me off.
>I pee on his crotch over the blankets when he sleeps.
>Continue to do this on vacation about 2 times a week for a month.
>I've told him this story and he thinks its a lie.
2.
>Be 8, find out about porn
>JACKJACKJACKINIT
>Go to same grandparents house.
>My grandparents take care of my mentally ill aunt.
>She has the mind of a toddler and likes thomas the chew chew although shes like 40something.
>She can't pee/eat etc by herself.
>Catch her going to bathroom at like 3am
>Follow her into bathroom
>Try to touch butnogo.jpg
I can go with funny or dark stories if anyone likes either sample i just gave.
I live in a dorm at university with a couple of hundred other students, this happened yesterday:
>Going to sleep after a night out
>Gotta take a huge dump
>Go to the toilets
>See shoes of a girl in a barfing position in one of the toilets
>This gun b gud
>Every time she makes a barfing sound, I moan
>Couple of minutes go by till she notices me, or had the power to say something
>She stutters something like 'help'
>I got this
>Put up a throw up compilation on my phone and place on in the toilet on her left
>I take the toilet on her right and make the loudest sounds
>Between the barfing sounds I tell her it'll be okay, that this is all just a dream
>'Oh, like Uniception'
>Ninception
>She pissed me off now
>Start making monstrous sounds as I throw all the toilet paper I could find on her
>It were around 10 rolls I emptied on her, could me be more or less, I was pretty drunk
>She tries to scream but pretty soon I could only hear some muffled sounds
>Stand on toilet and piss over the wall on this piece of paper-filth
>Someone walks in but immediately leaves as I had claimed this land with my urine
>Go to bed and have a good night sleep, not even hungover right now
>>713578612
You haven't had sexual since high school either
>>713583706
Procceed
friendzoned the sweet but boring boy next door for years but then after high school slept with him after i found out i was pregnant and let him think the kid was his because he has a good job. i stay at home and raise "our" kid. he pays for everything.
i cheat on him quite a bit because he's boring, but a good provider and good with the kid.
if i think too much about it i feel guilty about it
>>713583748
RIGGITY RIGGITY WRECKED SUN!
PLEASE for the love of god keep us updated in the future, I want to know how that plays out.
>>713583313
Same stopped lsd for good I'm open to shrooms still smoke weed
>>713583423
I'm assuming wolves behave like dingoes. Fuck Dingoes.
>>713583915
kys you cunt whore
>be me
>15
>get home from school and decide to go varmint hunting
>change clothes and grab rifle
>start walking through woods
>hear a strange noise
>dontthinkthatsasquirrel.jpg
>start creeping closer
>can barely make out shape of dog like animal
>fuckitsacoyote.gif
>shoulder rifle
>squeeze off a few rounds
>one less coyote killing the chickens
>walk up to make sure it's dead
>dont want it to suffer after all
>it's my neighbors German Shepherd
>imsofucked.jpg
>walk back to house
>grab shovel from garage
>go back to woods to bury it
>never told anyone
>Mfw neighbor came by that night asking if we'd seen his dog
>>713582482
Thank you, based god-king trump
I stripped my little sister naked when we were going for a walk in a park
Eh, nothing like killing animals or anything. I pretended to try and kill myself once to weasel out of a situation where I was getting evicted for being unable to pay rent for a couple of months. It worked, and the only cost was having to put up with my family checking in to see I was okay for a little while afterwards.
>>713581288
I... actually kinda want to do that after reading it.
>>713584101
Why? Did one eat your baby?
None of this shit is evil. Have you people ever nearly killed someone and actually enjoyed it? Enjoyed hurting them to that point? No? Then none of you are evil. you're just edgy fucktards that don't know the real definition of evil.
>>713583915
wanna fuck?
>>713577158
how does it feel that a retard got to feel tits before you ever have
>>713583705
tits or gtfo
>>713584284
Evil doesn't exist, you idealistic infant.
>>713583624
Nah dis me and i don't use Lucy anymore, but I'm still open to shrooms
>>713574086
I never seed torrents
>>713584209
When I was 15 and my sister 6 I had to babysit her sometimes. We would take a shower together and wash each others bodies thoroughly.
>>713574086
I'm not really evil, but I killed a couple of guys for money.
>>713583642
Any stories? I'm a tad curious.
>>713584101
I couldn't tell you. Wolves act like tough shit in packs, but even then they can be pussies. Saw like 4 of em beneath my tree stand once. The stand was like fifteen feet off the ground, and I told them to fuck off, and then they started looking at me like food. Shot one, rest of them took off.
Got into a few fights with my dad and gave him a few bruises, i also hit my mom by accident in the middle of it all. not a day goes by when i dont think about commiting suicide...
>>713584388
I would have been curious around five, and grabbed it, I used to poke my cats balls at that age I guess and had a strong facination with them
>>713584349
the whole point of this thread is to post the most "evil" thing you've done you autistic faggot not to talk about some girl you liked or fucked in highschool how the hell is that evil
>>713584284
It's not a dick measuring contest, faggot. We're posting stories. Contribute or GTFO
>>713579776
It was going to die sooner or later. Whats the difference?
>>713584492
Are you literally an fucking retarded?
>>713574086
cant be fucked green texting
went to a party uninvited
stole some girls phone
3am walking home i call her dad and scream im getting raped
hang up the phone and then smash it
this was about 15 years ago before smartphones...
>>713579678
>convincing her into an eating disorder
What
>>713584547
You're passing kiddie stories around a fire and hyping it up to be the most evil thing in history when it's literally cringey tumblr weeabo shit. You kids need to sit down and take a whiff of reality. The only thing you people have done is autistic shit, not evil shit.
>>713578592
not really evil jackass, more of a bro prank
>>713584628
>be me in game stop
>i drop my spaghetti
>>713584628
Anything evil I've done I'm not gonna post it. There's things you dont tell anyone
>>713584695
>>713584484
She was curious alright. She loved soaping up my cock and stroking it, then rincing the soap off and using her mouth to really make sure it was clean. She loved me stroking and licking her pussy too.
>>713584284
settle down there adolf
>>713584738
Obiously ima edgelord
>>713574086
>be at bar with friends
>me and one other decide fuck it we'll try and get a female in for a threesome
>we knew no one hot would be keen
operationfattyfuck.gif
>set eyes on what can only being described as a pig
>single mother
>2 kids
>she says she's keen and has alcohol back at hers
>fuck yes in a taxi straight to hers
>we get there and she brags about the Christmas hamper shes got for her kids
>she then tells us she has no alcohol but she can cook us fish fingers
>fuck me im going to need to get drunker
>pissed off i burn holes in the clothes hanging on her clothes line with a cigarette
>eat fish fingers
>finally talk her in to bed (with the fish fingers)
>friend and I are rubbing this ogre of a woman heavily
>she stops us
"i dont want a threesome i just want you"
>her chubby skin sausage points to me
>friend is pissed off and storms out
ohfuckthisisa2manjob.jpg
>sobriety hits me as hard as she hits the high 40's on her BMI
>vomit a combination of canadian club and fish fingers
ohfuck.gif
>grab my clothes and run out of there
>mate is in the kitchen with the biggest shit eating grin on his face
>"we gotta leave now man"
>run out of there as quick as i can getting dressed on the run
"why are you so happy?"
>"while you two were fucking I pissed on all her kids Christmas hamper"
one of the funniest nights of my life
cum on a slug
>>713584284
Yeahp.
>>713584695
sucked your teachers dick on school camp?
>>713584628
>>713584695
And you're saying WE'RE the "tumblr weeaboo cringe." You're a fuckin joke, kid.
>>713584404
A few, there was this one garter I left alone, lets call him Steve, caught him multiple times, I can tell because his whole bottom belly was burned from the hot pavement, so I left him alone, but he stays constantly in the same area and comes back up to the point he is not afraid of people anymore. One morning I get up, leave the door open a bit since it is hot outside, come back, look at the floor and there is steve, in the doorway in the kitchen.
>>713577503
Start to say fuck it and get under the cover and go to sleep.
As I lift the covers, I notice my other cousin,14, has stretch pants on and half falling off her because they we baggy as hell.
Can see ass cheeks...
Instant boner... again... and anger at previous attempt
startjerkingit.jpg
Decide to slow down and see if I can get the pants off..
Even heavier sleeper than other cousin
Nomorefucks.img
Crawl on top of her and slide inside.
Not easy... but no hymen either
Slowly thrust so as to not wake her up.
Feels good
Start going faster and harder
Hear a moan and she starts to shift
Clamp my hand down over her mouth and continue to thrust as she starts to wake and realize what's happening.
Don't care anymore, must finish, so close.
She gives up trying to resist and I finish inside her, still thrusting for a few minutes after I was done as I stare into her eyes.
I could tell she wanted me to get off and go clean up.
Instead I reach down and use two fingers to collect what I put inside her and put it to her mouth
I told her to suck it off of my fingers.
Moments go by
She finally obeyed,
She was mine.
We became fuck buddies for the next year and she made our younger cousin keep her mouth shut about that night
>>713584841
>>713584695
Jared Fogle detected
I'll give you guys some real fucking stories. Some REAL evil shit.
> Be me in grade school
> Very quiet and keeps to myself, avoiding everyone because extemely shy
> Gets misunderstood and bullied, on top of being abused at home
> Finally snaps and beats my bullies nearly to death having to be forced to stop hurting them
> Enjoys every minute of smashing their face in
> Craves more
> Repeats cycle until highschool when I'm told I'll be reported to the police if I keep this up
> Start beating my abusive stepfather at home whenever he pisses me off
> He's getting too old to fight back and I'm getting too strong for him to beat me
> Eventually have enough of his shit and grab a knife and try to kill him
> Mom convinces me to stop but I still want to kill him
> Hate myself to this day for not killing him
That's not even the end of it.
>>713585021
>>713585071
fuck outta here honkey
>>713584844
5 Stars.
>>713585123
>>713584915
He came to you because he knows you spared him from the angry snake chain, Steve is forever in your debt and wants to return the favor.
>>713574086
>be me
>was last month
>was looking online
>decided to share an opinion
>to do so, I had to do something evil
>...
>...
>clicked on all images of sandwiches
>...
>clicked the post button
>...
>...
>...
>i'm still haunted by clicking those sandwiches
>damn you sandwiches
>damn you all
>>713583155
Canadian artist "seal" has released new single "clubbed to death"
>>713585185
>>713578067
so are you gonna post hannah's nudes or what?
>be me
>driving home and pull up to stop light
>all of a sudden some older dude at my door
>yelling and screaming
>opens my door and pulls me out (stupid me for not locking door)
>yelling about how I cut him off a mile back
>(hadn't changed lanes the entire 10 miles or so)
>try to reason with him but he is screaming in my face
>says I'm lucky he doesn't knock me the fuck out
>I'm now pissed and (a surprise to me) I turn away then swing my forearm to the bridge of his nose
>he falls back out cold and hits the road
>I now realize several people are around us
>a couple dudes move to restrain me
>a couple more are kneeling over the old dude
>he's not breathing and no pulse
>I'm being held by two dudes
>two cops cars arrive
>long story short I'm arrested and at the police station charged with 2nd deg. felony homicide
>apparently instead of smashing the bridge of his nose
>my forearm hit below his septum and drove up
>into his brain
>attorney confirms this and coroner's report says
>he died from aneurism caused by the blow
>there were six witnesses that he never touched me
>my attorney negotiates with State's attorney
>to try to get a plea deal since I didn't even
>have a parking ticket in my history
>they offer 4th degree felony with time served (1 year) which would reduce my sentence
>to 20 years
>at the trial I enter a plea of guilty and the
>state enters their plea deal with the judge
>judge offers old dudes daughter chance to
>speak before I'm sentenced
>first time I've seen her, my age
>shessofuckinghot.jpg
>I catch her eye and there's a connection
>she visits me once a week at Starke prison
>I was released last year
>she picks me up and we drive to her home
>where we fuck three times a day
>until I'm tired of her shit
>I steal her car and head to Florida
>to vote for Trump.
>>713581985
I was gonna kek but the i realised thats my mariage.So i kekd even louder
>>713585335
are you a parajumper or what?
>>713585065
do you dribble shit often?
>>713585309
>>713578237
No chin nelly
>>713574086
i once made a cup of tea for someone and put the milk in before the water
Once when I was 10 I molested my cousin (6) ever since then until he turned 17 he used to pee on his bed everyday
>>713585369
Actually a good story.
>>713585560
You fucking heretic
>>713585502
fuck outta here bitch
>>713585768
>>713585825
>>713585001
Damn, dat tootsie roll! O_o
proceed...
>>713585880
>>713585880
Oh I do. Never forget the zip ties and scissors
>>713579738
Ben?
>>713586034
>>713582192
>Seems like a pretty efficient method of killing toads if you ask me.
Fun and efficient aren't the same thing.
>>713584844
This is fucking gold dude
>>713574086
When I was like 10 i kicked my sister's black cat "Patrick" so hard im pretty sure i broke it's ribs or something. I ran at it full sprint and kicked it like i was kicking a field goal. It hid under the shed in the backyard for two days and wouldn't come inside. I didn't want to "go to jail" for hurting it and was convinced id get caught so i baited it to me with a can of tuna and using there calm baby talking voice for like ten minutes then when it finally got close enough to grab it i started choking it to death. It went fucking crazy and i was fighting ut for like two minutes choking it as hard as i could without interruption and it wouldn't fucking die so i started bashing it against some bricks. It finally was all too fucked up to fight then i finished it by decapitating it with a shovel in the shed and buried it there
My baby sister was sad for like an entire year lol. It was a really slow drawn out thing I remember my parents first optimistic about it the first night, then the 2nd is when they looked worried and i was convinced theyd find out i hurt it and it was scared to come inside, then putting up lost kitty fliers and being optimistic to slowly easing her into "maybe Patrick isn't coming home"
>>713585210
fucking losers like you are make this shithole even shittier.
Niggertits
>>713586939
Samefag here, that was a test. Been banned for a while, bless godmod for removing it. I'll contribute now.
>>713586552
Not cool
>>713580023
Oh yeah. That you did.
>>713574086
Have sex with my sister
One of my friends moved to a different city for his school. His next door neighbour in the dorm he was living in turned the power off in his apartment every day at 23:00, so he could sleep. My friend tried to talking to literally everyone he could, to get that asshole who slept from 23 to 5 am didn't have control of the power, but no one did shit. So I was going to visit my friend in his dorm, but the night before we were playing league, and I failed my masters promo because of that faggot turning off the power. So when I arrived at the dorm of my friend, I put on a black hoodie and a ski mask, knocked on the neighbours door and punched him in the teeth when he opened. Kicked him once or twice after that, but It was all over in about 15 seconds. Walk slightly fast out to my car after that, and change sweaters, then waited 5 minutes and I went to visit my friend.
>>713580522
Come on, man. Stop shilling yourself.
>>713582833
kek
>>713587362
keeping your autism genes in the family, nice!
>>713576038
"This guy has some really bad habits that make our lives just a little bit more frustrating, should we have him kicked out?"
"Man let's shit in the top of his toilet, throw our dirty dishes on his clothes, and then eat all of his food, that'll teach him by never letting him get his life on track."
Either you're retarded for thinking anybody would belive someone would be psychotic enough to do that, or you should get yourself mentally evaluated.
>be 6 year old me
>discover masturbation (uncircumcised, grab tip with fingertips)
>Lure family friend's children in, same age mostly
>engage in oral and other funsuch
>relatives involved, incest ensues
>invent the 69 within this group
>crude drawings of 69
>grandparents find it, we intercoursed in their house many times per week
>never caught
>lasted until 7th grade or so, when I thought of the morality of a 6 year old unisex sex ring
>>713585226
"Sinking in the ocean" - Seals newest album
As I was in preescool we had a few disabled children. One mentaly disabled children always annoyed me so one Day, As we were going down the stairs, i kicked the kid in the back. He felt a few steps about 10 Not very much but still dangerous. The preschool teacher asked me who it was and I said it was another mentaly disabled kid, who always was aggressiv. He got kicked out of preschool and the other mentaly disabled kid changed the preschool
>be 17 year old me
>Complete asshole coming from a broken family
>Naturally I don't know how to treat people right
>In only serious relationship of my life
>After having to leave home due to parental abuse she and her family take me in
>10/10 home, rich family, polar opposite of my life
>Ffw 1.5 years
>Turned golden situation into shit
>Still with gf, still banging and cumming all over her parent's sheets, shower, etc.
>With time parents start getting fed up with my shit
>Plan to kick me out of their home
>I leave before they can
>She's not supposed to hang out with me at this point
>Parents want her and I to take a break from each other
>She lies constantly to be with me
>Still having sex, but can clearly tell the situation is draining on her
>Don't care, I'm getting mines
>Ffw a month
>her Christian parents find out that I took her virginity
>Mom leaves work early
>Gf arrives at her house one day after school
>"Anons gf, you fucking little slut!!" says anons gfs mom
>The next time I see her she bursts into tears and tells me all about it
>I'm furious, but powerless
>Ffw another month
>At work at the local meat market and deli
>Gf walks in when I'm dealing with customers
>She can't stay long she says
>I help customer asap
>"I'm breaking up with you anon"
>Insta_cry.jpg
>No more sex is the only thing I can think of
>We still talk, and I later find out her parents made us break up
>We continue to fuck and hangout in secret
>Summer rolls on in and I meet a girl at college orientation
>Cute and, just my type, big ass, small tits, solid 12/10
>She has a bf, but what's this...?
>She likes hairy men
>I'm hairy as fuck
>Still "with" ex gf at this point, we continually talk about how we'll be together
>B-but this girl is so damn sexy.. wat do?
>She doesn't have a ride home
>The perfect in
>generously offer ride home
>She accepts
>This leads to an intensely satisfying sex life with her
>She even breaks up with her bf because of me
>I'm still banging ex
Cont.
>>713580186
Gorgeous
