ITT: we work in a office
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: we work in a office
Grow up.
>>713220634
Who the fuck keeps unwrapping my sandwiches and wrapping them back up in individual layers
>>713220742
Ur mom
>>713220742
Thats Tyrone, the homeles person that lives in the suply closet. We should call a exterminator
Y'all stank
>>713220865
Nice spelling there kid.
surfing porn on my packard bell office issued computer
blasting tejano music from my cubicle
*CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP* *CLIP*
>>713220634
Yeaaaah...
If you could work Saturday, that'd be great.
Gosh darn it I forgot my parachute today...
Hey is the photocopyer open now? I need to copy more spaghetti
>>713221248
Can I collect your clippings? I collect clippings.
>>713221273
still copying my ass. hold, please.
>>713221273
Fuck off, only after I finish copying my dick in someone's ass
>>713221377
Ok. No rush anyway
>>713221354
that's disgusting.
femanon here. i sell my panties on craigslist. i had a guy ask to buy my toenail clippings. easiest $200 i've ever made
inb4 "tits or GTFO"
Yeah.... I needed those TA reports on my desk this afternoon. Unfortunately all I found was several crusty japanese lady pillows on my desk. I'm gunna need you all to come in for a meeting
>>713221475
I'll buy some for 10p above whatever it costs you to mail them to the UK.
We're not all rich deviants some of us are just deviants
>>713220634
Can you grab me some more paper clips?
THE VENDING MACHINE STOLE ANOTHER FUCKING QUARTER FROM ME FUCK THIS FUCK YOU ALL FUCKING DIE
>>713221520
Thats where I left them! Hey can you drop them off at my cubical? I just haven't ben the same without them...
>>713220634
Hi, can i work here? I've never worked before, but i figured i could start here. Who do i gotta talk to?
Anyone want a cup of tea?
Yeah i hadnt enough money and my boss said 2 bring some food. I tried 2 copy my food and give the copy 2 the boss. It whould be great i thought.
>>713221589
No. Im to busy copying spaghetti. Get Steve to do it
who is the cocksucker reheating fish in the microwave????
Oops I accidentally replied to all
How 2 work here? You habe 2 suck dicks 4 exstasy, sell the drugs on darkweb 4 bitcoins and buy 4chan.
It whould be great he thought!
Don't forget to bring 50p for casual Friday
HEY ASSWIPES! BACK TO WORK.
I'm going to get some coffee, anyone else want coffee?
>>713221810
Hey when your done with the fish can you throw it on the copier?
>>713221862
dark web? is that like that 4chan thing? i've heard about it in the news. I hear it's where that hacking grou[ anonymous meets up. All their accounts are specially made for hacking or something
>>713221810
fuck you buddy i was hungry
>>713221952
Black no sugar please
olaarrgh..... bluergh.... sorry im late boss.......
>>713221666
Checked those satan trips lately Mark?
>>713220634
Op's jerking off in the stationery cupboard, again
also can the dickhead with the shotgun pipe down, I'm trying to eat my fish in peace
hey, did you get my email?
Want coffee 2 but it tastes bad since i stop smoke. 7 days one of hell and i feel 2 healthy buuuurrrggghhhhh
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
>tfw working in office with coworkers half my age and an even lower iq
Hey do you guys mind if I eat some beef jerky? It smells pretty bad but I need proteins
>>713221952
FRESH POT?
>>713222135
Yea, the one with pics of of Sophias tits right?
WHO THE FUCK TURNED MY SCREEN UPSIDE DOWN?
fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd:
LOL! this is funny
>>713222312
Call it
>>713222200
should be fine, some cumrag was microwaving fish earlier
>>713222035
>>713222216
Fresh pot. Here you guys go. I brought a few extra cups in case anyone else want some.
>>713220634
I swear to fucking God. When I became a janitor here, I wanted to do normal janitor stuff, not SCRUB OFF GREEN SHIT WHICH SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN FISH FROM URINALS. IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE, IM GONNA SHOVE THIS BROOM SO FAR DOWN YOUR ARSE THAT YOU WILL NEVER SHIT AGAIN
>>713222348
Thanks for being with us tonight bill
>>713222280
uh...sophia here. how'd you get my pics?????
>>713222312
It's a real mystery, isn't it.
>>713222385
thanks anon
Anon. I have to copy thi- WHAT THE FUCK, SPAGHETTI?
>>713222385
Wtf is this anon I asked for coffee not pot
>>713222394
Hey speaking of things that need a cleaning, can you check the copier?
>>713222536
What the fuck is wrong with it
If it's what I think it is I'm out
>>713222442
There's totaly not cameras in the company bathrooms
>>713222394
FUCKING TRY IT YOU LOW CLASS CLEANING BASTARD I WANTED FISH AND NEEDED TO PISS I DO WHAT I WANT MOTHERFUCKER
Great! Where is the pisscup 4 the boss? A drop of piss from every employee haha^^ It will be great i thought!
>>713222394
Hey thank God it's Friday though right anon
>>713222689
still got 20% of the work week to go
>>713222385
gimmie some of that shit, fucking bastard janitors after me now, swear to god
>Oh sorry I dialed the wrong extension. *click*
>>713222536
>it's fucking smegma
I don't even care anymore. I'll clean it only because that's my job
>>713222648
If you wanted to piss, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SHIT ALL OVER THE BLOODY URINAL
THERE ARE TOILETS IN THE NEAREST STALL
ARE YOU INDIAN OR SIMPLY RETARDED
"hello, IT? someone changed my password"
>>713222747
But thank God it's not Monday though right anon. Mondays suck who's with me?
>>713222621
I think it just gets a little dirty in the area where you copy things from all that paper dust. Its the basement printer you neeed to avoid becuse a couple months ago, some one tried to coppy their shit
>>713222838
What's your name and What's the 1st and 3rd digit to your secret question
Employee smegma 4 the boss!!!
>>713222933
Its uh sophia, and I forgot my securty questions
>>713222933
chunkylover53
secret question?
Dammit!
Why do I keep getting bounced off the server?!!
What the hell is...
Who keeps unplugging the cat5? You think you're funny? You're not funny!
>>713222798
LISTEN UP CUNT THAT SHIT WASN'T ME, IT WAS THE BASTARD FUCKING, CURRY MUNCHING, SHITSKIN OF A FUCKING JANITOR
>>713223027
Okay, bear with me a sec Sophia.
>type type type
The question is "What is the name of your childhood best friends' parents aunties first pets sibling? "
who put tape over the photocell detector/LED on my mouse, god dammit????
>>713223204
roscoe. i think
>>713223045
hi chunky lover.
Your secret question is
"Where we're you when Britney shaved her head?"
>>713221952
No thanks I have Keurig on my desk and plenty of k-cups
>>713223295
ok. i 'member now. pw is BIGBOY
Janice, if you weren't such a bitch, I'd feel sorry for you!
someone took my stapler i might set the bulilding on fire
fuckin 'ell, shits made me fucking hungry, i'm going down to maccas, what do you bastards want?
>>713223289
Correct! Okay, resetting your password now.
It was fisheatingsmegmaJanit0rsucks1 by the way :)
Okay I reset it to fagg0t1.
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
>>713223355
Great, and do you need me help you further at all?
>>713222181
>yfw you think you have a higher iq but in reality you have superiority complex.
>yfw no face because you're 40 year old basement dweller that doesn't work for shit and lives with your mom.
>>713223459
Grab me a frozen coke while you're at it.
Hey guys?
W-what's going on down the street?
Hey, got a package for a mister....uhhh, Ravager?
>>713223747
First name?
Hey Peter.
Whaaat's happening?
I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday.
Oh, and Sunday.
>>713223790
Richard
>>713222747
Hey did you hear about Janet? Apparently her and the janitor had a scat session on top of the urinals a few days ago. No one has the balls to go clean it up.
>>713223807
Wrong floor. He's on first. He's the bald guy with a lazy eye
>>713221354
Don't do it, satanic ritual thing, unless like you got nothing else to do
>>713223902
Oh, cheers mate.
>>713223721
eh.. who cares, seriously though, i cant wait forever for you bastards, i need my mcflurry and Paul wants a frozen coke, so if whoever is riding the lift up and down would kindly FUCK OFF. that would be greatly appreciated.
>>713221475
So you do know the rules....
What are you all doing at the office on a Sunday?
I just came back because I forgot my laptop... Do any of you even work here?
>>713224025
Ugh.... I DO want a frozen coke....
>>713221810
Fucking mexicans, how'd they get a job not going to 7-11 between lawns anyways
>>713223347
Was it this one? I was using it this morning to make buttermilk coffee
>>713223899
Always knew Janet was a coal burner.
>>713221475
Tits or gtfo
>>713224114
Getting a bit extra for working during the weekend, my man.
Sorry i am late guys
My hot wife burned the toast again
You know what i am say right guys right guys?
>>713224114
Hey I think Henry was using that laptop and was looking at cp. Better be careful, I think IT has you marked now.
>>713224114
Ssshhhhh.
>>713220634
>>713220634
>>713220634
Time to write the next season of The Office or any other office sitcom, OP is sourcing script plots.
CARROT
CARROT
CARROT
CARROT
ENSLAVEMENT OF THE HUMAN RACE
CARROT
CARROT
CARROT
CARROT
Hay espacio para un amigo Boliviano aqui?
>>713224147
I'm trying man, fucking neckbeards riding the thing up and down... fuck it, i'll take the stairs
>>713224340
Somehow laughed at this
>>713223961
No problem! When you see him, tell him I said eye
Yeah...
>>713224191
Jesus, Frank. Here I thought Jimmy had nutted all over my Keurig again. Next time clean up will ya?
>>713224114
Hahaha. This guy thinks we have sunday off at KEK corp.
>>713224409
not now. got a meeting with the Bobs
>>713223049
This is IT, YOU KEEP LOOPING YOUR NETWORK CONECTION and the switch kicks you offline e for, one more fucking time and the printer in your cube goes to someone else and you can just go to the main copier
>>713224402
Sure thing.
>>713224326
This
>>713224450
I think the janator will be more then willing to do it for me...
shit I'm back... just ran... three blocks... to get to fucking maccas... wheres Paul, PAUL, I got your frozen coke
happy hour after work...i'll get the first round!!
>>713224525
Hey! Heard you have a package for me?
>>713224525
Then shout PIE and jam his gammy eyeball back into place
>>713224583
No, he left me a chocolate nugget surprise last time and I'm not to happy about it. I will revoke your usage rights.
>>713223599
Living with parents is a solid financial choice, enables my fun afterwork activities, I'm working up to my largest dragon dido ov er the next couple weeks, then we are going for 2-3at a time. It can get expensive
>>713224477
You TPS reports are a little ha... crazy did you get the memo?
>>713224727
your''
>>713224650
Yeah, it's the.... "Extra large package" that you ordered. Seems like you wrote the office address on there.
Howdy fellurs is anyone here looking to buy some of my 2 obese daughters or does my 4 crack head daughters which 2 of em had a penus attachment sound better?
>>713224703
I... I can't argue with you on that one. Seems like you have your life planned out. When will the murders happen?
>>713224025
The fucker looking for Richard is still in there, it might be stuck, I'm takin the stairs
>>713224753
GUYS LOOK RICHARDS BOUGHT A GIANT DILDO
>>713224753
oh no.... that was meant to go to my house. shit.
uhhh... just.. yeah.. let me just sign for that, thanks
*tries to earn honest wage*
WHO FUCKING GOT SHIT ON THE WALLS AND CEILING AND IN THE URINAL?
>>713224866
SHUT THE FUCK UP GREG *twitch*
Hey whos office is this again?
>>713224884
WHAT IS IT RICHARD IS IT A BIG DILDO?
>>713220951
we all know your a spelling nazi. I reported you to the manager israel jew.
>>713220634
hey op did by any chance finish those TPS reports and did you remember to read the memo
>>713224777
Checked n kekd
>>713224920
teh fuck is that. a god damn pedo den
>>713224920
FUCK YOU DAVE GET OUT OF MY FUCKING OFFICE... jeez
>>713224817
Haha, right?? Maybe soon if my ox doesn't make it to me, I can't send packages home or my mom opens them. Anyone sees a large box get it to me, I'd like it for this evening
Where's the jello stapler
GET BACK TO WORK ASSHATS
>>713224933
N-No it's n-not you f-fuck
>>713224884
Well, have fun. I have more packages to deliver.
>>713224912
I heard that you put a dick so far up your ass that it popped your eye out and it's been lazy ever since
>>713225033
Yea I found it in the basement. I bet the package was suposed to be delivered there.
Lazy pricks
Is anyone else getting spammed with "got a small dick" advertisements? I think someone downloaded a virus
>>713225072
Richard you god damn fucking asshole, that's mine, I'm going to report this to colleen in HR
>>713224907
I thought you knew. Janet and the janitor were at it a couple days ago. Scat session you know? Shit everywhere, piss puddles to no end. Man I'm telling you, wouldn't want to be the poor idiot to clean that up. Apparently Janet kept her job by becoming the boss' sex slave, he's into that sort of stuff it seems, but the janitor got the boot earlier today.
>>713225183
I though the break room smelled funny this morning
>>713225183
thank god... he was a right fucking knob job wasn't he
We're gon be doing som budget cuts so y'all decides 12 that need to be fired
>>713224920
I'm sure that's Henry's. He somehow made his own pedo den in the basement.
>>713225329
that good for nothing whore janet
>>713225092
Who the fuck are you? This isn't Facebook you ugly twat.
What kind of office are we even? Like, what do we deal with here?
>>713225405
probably talks to the mannequin while he beats his two incher
>>713225329
Start with that nephew of friend of the owner, fucking kid is vaping more than he's at his desk, infuriating
Josh you're stupid as fuck and need to jump off the roof of this building because you suck so fucking hard at life and you're job you wonder why your wife left you! Darleen maybe if you weren't such a bull dyke you would probably have a hotter girlfriend then you do now but you need some balls for that big fake dick of yours. Steve you just need to die.
>>713225162
You sure you weren't browsing male enhancement websites again Greg? Remember when Janice found your dick pump in the cabinet you forgot to lock?
>>713225522
Fire this kid too, too many questions
>>713220634
Anon can i borrow your stapler?
>>713225648
what about the bastard with the fish
WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKING MISOGYNISTS FIRED LEQUISHA YOU FUCKING RACIST PIGS.
>>713225783
fire her too
>>713225752
He's the only one who puts in more than 1.5 hours a day..... but he is mexican, adios muchacho
>pic related
>>713223721
Fucking neighbour company always making loud noises. Ignore themand they'll leave.
>>713225873
You can't do that, shitlord.
This office has a compulsory affirmative action quota to stop literal Hitlers like you from firing and not hiring me.
>>713226149
double fire her
Okay where the FUCK IS JOHNSON FROM ACCOUNTING, I need those xls spreadsheets YESTERDAY. One gear stops turning and these while place goes up in smoke, you got that fuckers?
>>713222171
Hey,there he is!
Who the fuck is printing 200+ papers?
We need to increase our production of High Quality Rips.
>>713220634
EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND THERE ARE SOME VICIOUS DUBS IN THE AREA ABOUT TO SHOOT UP THE WHOLE PLVE
>>713221248
Yo guys who's sandwich crawled into my area
*** You've reached the voicemail box of Douglas Vincente. I'm sorry if I missed your call, please leave your name, number and reason for voicemail and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks and have a wonderful day.**
>>713220876
Found the nigger. You are only brought into the offices to show we have diversity so of course you don't get it.
>>713225783
Hey can you pass this to the janitor? Thanks
>>713220741
Watching the wonder leave a child is such a sad thing.
