Stupidest shit youve done while horny
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
>>708688678
NYPA.
Dumbass.
Hired a prostitute
Masturbated.
Lord forgive me amen.
I was having sex with a hispanic guy and I started calling him papi
>>708688887
One off
Fucked a piece of bread
Got myself off in class with loose shorts and a restless leg
>>708688678
Forgot to use protection. Did it once. Never again man
>>708688750
You...you fucking dumbass
>>708688750
The autism hurts
>>708689170
same. everybody knew what I was doing but I guess I was lacking a bit self awareness back then
>>708689349
Did nobody say anything
>>708689349
Cant remember, maybe a few comments but I didnt care about that back then anyway
>>708688678
Rape I think
>>708688888
froze 10 loads of cum and ate them while busting the 11th
Sniffed girls butthole...I was drunk, but so was she. Unfortunately not drunk enough to go with it. She cried and left, I fapped
I jerked off to the smell of my own flip flops becuse my fwb who let me worship her feet after her 12 hour shift as a nurse was out of town.
Guys, i really did that. My own flip flops. Kinda smelled the same.
>>708688750
Are we being raided, the autism levels are quite high today
>>708688678
Told your mother I had a vasectomy.
tried to fuck a cucumber when i was younger
Busted a nut while sniffing older sisters panties, they had some vagina residue and you could also smell her asshole from it
I jerked it inside the milk freezer in a store once in my teenage years.
>>708688678
Held my cousin down and rubbed her till she came
I used to do it as punishment
One time it got me so horny I deep throated her till she puked and cried
I came in her throat and she had a mega puke all over her body
She spent the 10 minutes crying and shaking till I washed her in the shower and cuddled her for an hour or two
After that she had no problem taking dick in her throat
But god damm it was stupid of me to fuck her throat so hard the first time
>>708688678
Jerk it on friends toilet, audibly.
A crazy ex
>>708688678
I followed a random student into the boys room in school and showed him my pussy
I needed dick THAT bad
He was OK he took the itch off like 3 minutes into thrusting
I had a really nice orgasm and went back to class
That age was unbelievable for me
So much clittage throbbing
>>708691439
greentext
>>708691628
There is nothing to it though
Like nothing more than what I already posted
>>708691625
>>708691625
Yeah ok dude.
>be me
>be 18
>get home really drunk from night out
>ask sister to suck me off
>>708691724
you throatfucked your cousin? did you do that out of nowhere? there has to be some story to it.
>>708688678
While i was drinking with my gf and her sister my gf passed out and i tried to fuck her sister in the same bed lol
>>708688750
>>708691813
im guessing she declined anon
>>708688678
i took a seat
>>708690258
kek
>>708691899
So ?...
>>708692091
she didn't even say anything, she just went to her room and slammed the door
was really fucking awkward situation for a while
like, 3 months after
>>708688678
When I was just a wee underagefag (possibly barely double digits) I stuck my dick in a bottle of shampoo and fucked it, talk about a dumb idea.
>>708691899
Why was her sister in the same bed the first place lol
>be me 14
>just finished school
>suddenly need to fap
>get naked
>photoshop sister's face into 100 boy CP pics
>print them all out
>arrange them all on the floor
>prop up a mirror so I could watch myself
>keep fapping and edging it for about thirty minutes
>moaning YOOU NASTY LITTLE WHORE GIVE ME YOUR HAIRLESS DICK I WANT TO BITE IT OFF
>ejaculate boiling hot jizz all over the pics
>collapse panting and sweating
>nearly black out from the joyful orgasm
>look up
>realize I'm in McDonalds
I put one of my pet mice inside one of those orange medicine canisters, I lubed it up with petroleum jelly, and pushed it inside my ass. After I finished jerking off I pushed the bottle back out and the mouse was dead. I really didn't expect that it would die.
fucked a former prostitute without a condom
>>708688678
Fucked my gf when she passed out drunk.
>>708692226
dont worry bro, it happens atleast you know you're sister is hot
>>708691899
Resolution? How'd it end? Also, check'd.
>>708692277
Them double digits though.
>>708692615
but she's not, I was just blind drunk
fml
>>708692433
Kek. So much kek.
>>708691754
amen brother
>>708692456
What the fuck did you think would happen, you fucking idiot?
While painting rain guards in an employers basement while everyone else was ripping shingles off the roof, i rubbed one out and blew it on an old angel statue, the kinda ones with their tits out and no cloths
Ive got a lot of horny to give
>>708688678
Fingered my foster sister
>>708692900
And? What happened afterwards?
>>708693054
Story?
Blew a load in the sink at work, to be fair it was the dirty dish sink. But still, not something most people would be ok with.
>>708691120
>>708692894
pretty sure this anon is fucking with us.
called a friend over and had him play russian roulette with me, fucked a hooker while i was practically being held at gunpoint
one bullet in the chamber, only did three turns and i was done with it. got too focused on the fucking after that
>>708689196
i never used protection in my life
>>708692456
"I trapped an oxygen breathing creature in an airtight container and it, like, died... Who would've thought?"
>>708690333
Kek
>>708693331
Off by one.
>>708688678
jacked off on one of my mom's lingerie
Fapped without touching myself once that was fun lol also i fapped in class when i was in the 5th grade no one found out
>>708693206
I fucking wish you got caught on camera and got fired
Imagine when every job you apply at calls your former employer for a reference
>>708688750
The AI are getting smarter
>>708692456
Lol something literally died in your ass. You're ass is haunted by rodents now bro.
>>708691439
Why don't you take a seat right over there?
Me and my friend had a 3-some with a nasty fat disgusting bitch at community college...
>be me age 19
> my friend age 16-17
>fat whore age 22
>friend wants to get into porn, just got done with film class and he comes over to visit me because he was in the film I made (totally irrelavant to what happened)
>anyways my friend and I are chilling by the hallway and some fat hoe we saw earlier is acting like a slut and cat calling us
>she sits on my lap and rubs her sweaty ass all over my jeans and tries to find my dick
>Then me and my friend (guy who wants to do porn) end up groping her and fingering her in the parking lot, were basically just raping her in the parking lot but she loves it
>Were not bad looking guys but this girl is like a 1 or 2 at best compared to us
>were desperte young teens looking to fuck a dirty fat slut
>We propose for our film class that we do a little porno with her
>she says sure as long as I can drive her home....So we go to this sketchy ghetto as part of town...Its in the hood, like people get shot there every day..
>be me a ballsy kid that never had anything bad happen to him and doesnt relly understand consequences
>Be my friend a scared paranoid little 16 year old who is still a virgin
>We end up going in this sketchy apartment with the lights off...she leads us in like a weird gypsy like lady...oh and i forgot to mention she had taken a disgusting fat shit in the bushes and wiped her ass with toilet paper i randomly ( luckily) had in my truck..then she just leaves it there...
>at that point after had seeing her do such a vile and disgusting act I was pretty much ready to just leave, but my friend was insisting that we do this....he told me that he has to mentally prepare himself for being able to fuck nasty cows such as this women...Because apparently in porn thats what the men have to do, they need to be ready to pop a boner on set right then and there even if the girl is not attractive for them
>>708691439
That's pimp bro, that throat is an object to be rammed
>>708693331
>>708692894
I thought the amount of air in the container would be enough, I kept the fapping really short, like 2 minutes. Might have died from fright.
>>708693888
Never thought of it that way.
>>708694048
More
>>708688678
Raped my 10yold cousin
>>708694048
Keep going
>>708694048
> So back to the scenario....
>We follow this crazy fat hoe gypsy lady into her sktechy apartment...AT this point my heart is pounding and I am getting nervous. Hands begin to sweat, i start feeling thoughts of dread...My friend is a ittle fucking bitch whose not even coming up the stairs to follow me...But then I make it in the house and it seems okay...
>very quiet in the house, nothing going on so i tell my friend come up...
>he's hesitant at first but slowly works his way up the stares into this ominous house
>We go to her room, apparently it's a 3 bedroom apartment...
>We enter in and within a matter of seconds some crazy bald headed pyscho comes barging in the room with a screw driver in his hand...
>he looks at us very inquisitively, eyeballing us up and down...
>My friend a scared paranoid little bitch who is also a diabateic begins to turn white as a ghost and yells "OHHH MAIII GAAWD"
> The man is startled and says "whats wrong man???"
>My friend tells him, "ohhh no nooo, it's just my blood sugar i am feeling a little light headed, I am a diabetic i get woozy if my blood sugar is low."
>The guy seems okay, not too worried, whatever about it....asks that fat slut why were here and what we plan on doing, then she says were making a "video" and kinda smirks and laughs...
>The guy is like "Ohhhh, a video huh?? what KIND of video???"
>Shes like "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS GET OUT OF HERE!!! And pushes him out the door..."
>
>>708688678
Messed around with a fat chick while drunk and horny. Now she won't leave me alone, always trying to hang out and have sex.
Tried to hook up on Craigslist.
>>708688750
>be me
>at bar/club with friends and roommate
>roommate is making out with some 5/10 bar slag
>after a while roommate wants to leave (with slag), he's my ride so I go with
>get home
>roommate goes to room with slag.
>go to bathroom with beer shits from too much booze
>slag is in there
>she staggers over and trys to make out with me
>feel like I still need to shit, but I figure I'll hold it
>push slag down to her knees to have her blow me
>nowhiskydick
>feels good, but bowels are becoming unhappy.
>push slags face back so I can finish on her face
>Right as the first shot leaves my dick, my ass lets out a long, sputtering shart, worsened by my trying to clench my ass cheeks together.
>Continue cumming and sharting.
>Slag is looking at me, cum on her face, with pure disgust.
>Shit running down my thighs.
>mfw she tells my roommate.
>mfw she now my coworker.
> My friend tries to gather himself, checks his sugar...calms down and regains his composure
>So we stand there and say, "okay then are ya ready?" She kind just giggles and says "Sure! turn on the camera lets start!!"
> So I am there as the camera man recording this fat ugly mexican slob take her clothes off....
> My friend is a fucking trooper guys IDK how he did it...But he starts to get undressed and is ready to fuck
>But keep in mind, my friend is now VERY VERY VERY anxious nd scared about the whole scenario. He is the one having thoughts full of regeret and dread, but now it's fight or flight mode...It's do or die
>He told me this later after the incident that he instantly did not want to fuck her but had to because he was scared for his life that the guy with the skrew driver was out there waiting to attack.
> he felt like he was being held hostage, so he did what he had to do...I am sitting there recording him put the condom on his boner...Like its a hard decent sized boner that hes got..
> i am now ready, mentally prepared, full force let's do it...Camera man ready to film!!
> He starts by fucking her from the back doggy style, but then she lays him down on his back...
> This is awful guys, this is where I see his face turn into sheer terror...LMAO....The nasty sweaty monster of a women engulfs his tiny skinny little body and starts kissing him all over his face..
>ATTACKING HIM, RAPING HIM!!..This kid is losing his virginity to rape basically...Hes getting smothered while His best friend films him for an amateur porn scene.
>I am not kidding you guys, it was not pleasent seeing that shit go down, he really looked like he had been capture into slavery and sold as a sex slave being raped...his face looked so anguished full of regret and worry
> he then flips her on her back and sticks it in the ass, i am like WTF!! I as him with a curious look and kind disgusted like "Why in the ass man??" Whats going on??
>be me 20 year old virgin just going to college.
>sign up for dorm/housing late and get stuck with 3 randoms.
>since we were the last 4 they don't give a fuck who lives with who even if it's male/female.
>end up with stoner dude, gay dude, and feminist art major
>we all get along for awhile but I get hornier and hornier for feminist slut.
>finally snap when I snoop on the sluts laptop and see loads of slutty pics and a video (didn't save because im a fucking idiot)
>start scheming and finding out when all 3 roommates have class at the same time.
>turns out it's not often, only get 1 hour ever thursday and tuesday.
> decided to make good use of my time.
>Start jerking off in her room for every minute of those 2 hours.
>cum on everything I can think of.
>literally everything. pillow, panties, bra's, shoes, pants, blankets, brush, shampoo, food.
>feminist unknowingly eats, sleeps, and wears my cum for months.
>feminist finally asks if anyone smells something weird as she starts to smell the pungent ass cum smell i've been leaving.
I was a horny bastard back then.
>>708694814
>>708695877
>My friend doesn say a word to me and continues to thrust, hes basically at this point a zombie..
>I tell him dude lets go, just fuck her pussy and give me the money shot for the camera and lets bounce...
>He continues to thrust her ass, then she says "Turn off the lights anon, turn off the lights"
>Then my friend snaps out of it and says "DONT U DARE FUCKING TURN THOSE LIGHTS OFF " >"dont u fucking dare"
>I am like dude it's cool, I got night vision on the camera. He loses his sht and is liek if you do that were never freinds again"
>So I just let him keep doing his thing
>Then he continues to thrust her closer and closer towards the bedside
>All of a sudden, he manages to wedge her inbetween the bed and a corner of the wall where the bed comes down...
>It's a wall bed that flops down, so theres a little corner on the very sides of the bed where you can fall into...
>He manages to thrust her into the corner of the bed, with all of her weight crushing her neck, she begins to scream and scream..
>At this point I am like WTF DUDE ARE YOU F UCKING NUTS???...shes like dying from all of her fat crushing her poor neck...
>He then instantly pulls up his pants and takes everyhting of his and looks at me with the craziest deranged pyshcopathic face I have ever SEEN a person giev me to this day...
>"ANON, WE NEED TO ESCAPE RIGHT NOW, THERE COMIGN FOR US, I DONT WANT TO DIE HERE"
>The guy starts banging ont he door, yelling "WHATS GOING ON IN THERE? OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW"
>Were trapped in this room, the only way out is through the little window on a 2 story building...
>So we manage to jump out leaving her for dead in the small corner pocket of the bed while all of her weight is crushing her...
>We jump out and book it to my car, my friend is crying and curled up in a ball in theback seat of my car while i speed out of there like a mad man....
>As soon as he gets home we watch my recording of what happened
>>708695767
gold
I masturbated with honey mustard dressing, and it stained the carpet. Took 3 days to shampoo it out.
>>708696667
We decide to delete that video and never talk about this ever again
>He looks me dead in the eye and says "dont ever fucking tell me about what happened tonight, you were the one who pressured me into this"
>I was like dude are you fucking bi polar, you probably killed that lady and now your saying I PRESSURED YOU??
>In conclusion, were still pretty much best freinds, but i never bring it up to him...I did once and he got really angry, threatened to kick me out of the house actually
>>708689906
Elaborate, please
>>708689906
You think?
>>708696667
pix?
>>708691625
What age?
>>708696424
How did the cunt not notice the stains that had to be everywhere?
>>708688750
>>708692456
Poor Lemmiwinks.
http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5807c5d177167
made a thread on b/ and put three pairs of scissors up my pussy for dubs.
>>708688678
Let my dog lick me to orgasm in the kitchen with family in the living room
>>708690592
>My own flip flops
>flip flops
kek
>>708688678
Showed my mom my erection
"mom, what's wrong with my dick? Please touch it so you can see how hard it is"
She was not amused
>>708697364
stop pretending like women get horny the same way guys do. you did something because you were bored.
>>708693299
i dont fucking understand russian roulette
you can SEE the bullets in the round, like what the fuck
and what the fuck kind of game is that? the loser fucking dies? like what the fuck, what a stupid game for dumb idiot morons. i never think "edgy, hardcore" i think god damn thats fuckin dumb as fuck, you ALL deserve to die if you play that shitty ass """game"""
>>708695767
Pmsl
>>708697024
LOL I would show you guys the video if I had it...he stood over me and MADE me delete everything...
=/ I wish I had something lol....It was pretty horrific though, not gonna lie...Luckily that lady is still alive though...We saw her at our community college a few months afterwards...Looked like she had lost some weight too
sophomore year I was smoking weed and getting high as fuck with a fat female friend ive known since middle school. I got so horny i decided to pull out my dick and see if she would do anything. When i did she got disgusted and told me to put it away. I was so horny while putting it up i actually came and i think she saw me cum on myself. She told all her friends who knew me. Still hung out with her afterwards at a party but once there people who knew me tried telling me shit about sexually harrasing her and shit.
>>708691625
Feel like I'm dying sometimes I need to get fucked so bad. Like every guy I look at is just another cock that should be fucking me.
Fucked my gf and tied her to the bed. Didn't cum. Got more horny and let my friends fuck her... we didn't last much longer...
>>708690896
girl?
>>708697364
Pics or it didn't happen
>>708692456
You can't write this shit
I've been tripping on acid and asked my ex to send me pictures of her feet while she had a brand new boyfriend
>>708697857
awkward sexual mismatch
>>708692433
My sides, have left the building
>>708688920
do you wake up at night thinking about this embarrassment?
>>708696876
This was a good story, and also killed my boner so I can sleep a moral man now
>>708697900
yeah like 7 out of 10 chicks would not dig that shit
>>708693326
It's all fun until you actually catch something.
Thankfully, antibiotics cleared what i got from some random bitch i met at a club. Always safe now
>>708698394
She did not dig. The ballgag and her trying to get us to stop did not help my case really....
>>708697699
Stop being an idiot faggot
I dunno, maybe most women are that way, but I can tell you I get horny the same way you guys describe it. I just need to fuck sometimes, all I'm thinking about is getting a cock inside me, and I just wanna cum. There's that same need.
>>708698233
>>708692433
What is wrong with us? Is this the shit that makes us /b/ tards?
my sides are gone - but I don't know anyone else that would think it was
>>708698394
I would be so turned on if that happened
Speak for yourself anon
>stuck a vibrating shaving razor up my ass for pleasure while beating my meat
>finished and went to grab it
>sliced the shit out of my finger
Used to go to my Grandpa's house every Sunday afternoon with my older Brother, was 11, got really bored a few times so jacked off in his dusty bathroom littered with photos of my family.
>>708698669
the world would not be organized the way it is if women got horny the same way men did. you don't have to get all butthurt about it, in fact it's probably a positive thing in your life. in most guys teen years especially they would do literally anything to get their dick in a pussy, it's more intense then hunger or thirst or anything else. Can't say whether we get more pleasure as a trade-off or not, i'd like to think we do but who the fuck knows. I can know that women do not get horny like men do because again, the world would look different.
Jacked off in high school library.
> Was T.A in my senior year, so had access to libraries laptops.
>Watched porn every day.
>end of first month, I.T guy for school shows my Internet history to principal
>hardcore tranny and analysis porn
>suspended from school
>all teachers know what I did when I Come back
>had to transfer districts to finish senior year.
>known as tranny guy in old high school.
>be me
>15 years old, bunch of the grandkids are staying at the grandparents
>cousin (14), me, and sister share a bed downstairs
>adults all upstairs
>middle of the night i hear some noise coming from cousin next to me
>can sense she is rubbing herself
>hardon.exe
>try to wake her up to see what was going on
>she takes hand and fingers herself with it
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>few minutes go by, fingers wet she still acts asleep
>i strip down my shorts and underwear
>hop on top
>pump that shit (just a few seconds and hnng)
>roll back over to go to sleep
>cousin never mentions it
>we are now in our thirties
>>708699448
I see no variation between my life and what you just described. So that isn't true for me. It might be I have more testosterone or something, my ring finger is quite longer than my index and that apparently signifies higher testosterone exposure in the womb.
Just saying, it certainly isn't impossible for woman to be horny. Likely not the majority but it was just stupid of you to say hur dur you're lying to the other anon
Knocked one off while on the bus, going home from school. The bus was empty, maybe few people in the front, while I was well in the back and nobody could see me, yet the driver gave me a strange look when I was getting of the bus - or maybe I imagined that...
>>708700116
>now in our thirties me and cousin in sex-less marriage
>i finally bring up that night in grandparents basement
>she mentions she was awake the whole time
>been waiting to tell me for years
>been fucking her for past three years solid
>>708700197
Guess I was about 15 back then...
>>708700432
meant to say both of us in sexless marriages
>>708698956
I do this every now and then. But the razor is detachable so im not a autist like you
Used to make pocket pussies out of a cup, sponges, and a plastic bag. (The trick is to use the rough side of the sponges.)
Feels as good if not better than a real pussy, just not as warm. Unless you leave the device out in the sun before lubing.
>>708700432
I had the chance to fuck my qt cousin(well maybe not for sure fuck, but mess around for sure) and i didn't take it. regret it to this day. it's strange, i have had quite a few great sexual experiences but i think about the lost opportunities more then the ones i actually did. not sure if something is wrong with me or what
>>708692215
>>708692387
jealous faggots
>>708700862
all i can say is i've never felt so connected in the act of sex as i did when we did it (in our thirties). years of loving each other etc matched with multiple orgasms hnng
I was in English class, with a shitty teacher that droned on for hours and made us do jack shit. I was wearing a large sweater. I zipped it up all the way and jerked it while subtly eyeing girls across the class.
>>708693278
jokes on you, he was being sarcastic
>>708700979
did she stay hot in her 30's? With me she was all over my shit in a bed we shared at a family thing as teenagers, i didn't do it because, well i don't know why. Regretted it and tried to hit that when i was 20, but she wasnt in to it then(i was kind of a wreck as a person then). Have my shit together now, but she took a dark turn looks wise, so the chance is pretty much gone.
I keep showing my ass to strangers When I'm horny... My brother says its stupid AF And that I'll probs regret soon. Anyways... Hope no one recognizes it
I feel like is sex isn't such a retarded taboo, all the fucked up shit in this thread wouldn't happen. Fuck modern culture and social norms. Fuck child laws. Fuck green paper. Fuck your rigged elections. Fuck all your shit. I'm doing whatever the fuck I want until I die and I dont give a fuck what anybody, especially normie-society, thinks of me.
>>708701993
fuck your brother, you whore. he wants it
>>708701993
Post Kik, slut
>>708701993
You have an amazing ass if that's yours.
>>708701993
moar faggot
>>708697857
and she was fat
wow it sucks to be you
>>708700845
"device"
>>708702137
I dont believe he wants to fuck me
>>708702155
kik is for pervs.. I dont have it
>>708702204
Ik know Its not an amazing ass...But some dudes/girls like it a lot ><'
>>708704578
tits?
>>708704578
more.
got into multiple strangers cars that I met online, went to a few houses with strangers I met online. Fooled around plenty with strangers online. It's a miracle I'm okay tbh. Not doing that anymore.
>>708704578
yes he does want to fuck you. do it
masturbate in the school washroom with a woman's sock that fell out of her gym bag.
>GF was away at college
>Lived alone for a while
>Built a reciprocating jerking machine
>Simple linkage mechanism
>DC motor
>Home made fleshlight
>Ran on a simple bearing
>I'd get so horny while working on it
>The thought of it was killing me
>I'd wind up losing the mood while setting it up
>Never actually used it
>Wound up scrapping it and using the parts for other things
>FFW 4 years
>Wife finds remnants of the home made fleshlight
>"honey, what is this?"
>"Oh that's a polishing tool I made years back."
>"oh. Ok."
Sex is over-rated. :(
>>708688887
enjoy hell you degenerate sinner
>>708688920
shit, i will get the fuck out if i were him
>>708688750
What?
>>708704578
Buut you'd be up for it if he was?
>>708689170
I used to do that and cum all over my leg. then when I waddled out of class I told everyone it was because my leg fell asleep. I was a pretty retarded 12 year old.
>>708695767
Can't wait to read again in the next YLYL
ass to mouth
>no one enjoys this
>we just dont want to ruin the flow
>>708695767
oh my god thats the funniest shit i've seen all day
>pun intended
>>708690592
Moar/sauce?
>>708692433
fucking kek'd
>>708690592
>>708688678
>recovering after a house party
>on couch trying to sleep
>one of the girls that lives there is heading back to her parents or something
>"hey, can I sleep on your bed?"
>"sure"
>get curious about her laundry
>dig out panties and inhale deeply
>came in seconds
>>708700862
I think it's normal to regret wasted opportunities more than those things we actually did...
Anyway, have my little cousin story too...
>be me, perhaps 12 yo
>have a cousin 3 years older than me, she's not a total qt, but tall, fit and definitely fuckable, >she comes with her family for a visit every few months
>have repeatedly messed with her and my older brother
>mostly sneaking in my father's drawer and looking at his porn mags together
>occasionally also jerking off in front of each other out of curiosity (apart from doing stupid shit together, like setting shit on fire, causing mayhem or bullying my cousin's little brother)
>such activities decrease and stop eventually, until...
>fast forward to me being 14 or 15 yo
>she comes with her family to spend New Year's Eve at our house
>shows me a packet of condoms in the afternoon, says "these things need to be tried out"
>wincest in progress
>I won't die a virgin, yay!
>evening comes
>unfortunately me and her both think I need some liquid courage
>we start drinking, she gets mildly drunk
>I get fucking sloshed
>toodrunktofuck.mp3
>desperately trying to get an erection and then maintain it long enough to get the rubber on, finally succeeding
>3, 2, 1 - action!
>attempting penetration in missionary position with my limp, rubber-coated dick
>pic VERY related
>giving up after few minutes full of shame and despair
>lying next to her till the morning, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep
>never ever talk about it again, not even mentioning it
>anxious when it comes to sex long after that episode, self-confidence ruined, remaining virgin till 21
tl, dr: cousin wanted me to fuck her, got too drunk, fucked up
>>708707004
Why do you ask? Brother? is this you?
>>708692433
Tip Top Kek
>>708692433
hate it when that happens
>>708701993
with wedding ring on the correct hand
>>708707672
>>708708118
It's not a wedding ring... I wish!
>>708688750
Let my gay black friend suck me off a bunch then railed his ass a few times
>>708708467 (cont)
n-no homo
>>708707772
Nope just curious
>>708707672
>got whiskey dick while trying to lose his virginity to his cousin
thats three traumatic experiences wrapped into one hilarious package.
>>708688920
kek i'm hispanic and I think I would crack up immediately. probably lose my boner from laughing.
>>708708467
almost fucked my gay friend while gf and I were on a break, I chickened out and he sucked me off two different occasions
>>708708888
Use a Slipper as a fleshlight
>>708708888
QUADS
>>708704578
Any redblooded male would be down to pound that. Just wear a mask, change your voice, fuck, and then take the mask off right as he's cumming. If he still doesn't want to fuck his own sister after that, then he is gay.
>>708708888
Witnessed
>>708691628
>>708691628
here you go:
>shit that never happened
>some more shit that never happened
>we still fuck sometimes
>j/k
>>708693148
thats the dumbest fucking gif ive ever seen in my life and you should kill yourself for using it.
>>708704578
spread eagle.
>>708704578
no timestamp.
not you/10
ITT anons drool to a neckbeard pretending to be a woman
>a fat one at that
Jacked off in car while my friend was driving and his GF was in passenger seat, i looked at her face while i nutted, via the side mirror, was great
Also jacked off in back seat of car age 12 while Dad was driving on family vacation, everyone but me asleep, used to blow loads in sisters pillows, lots of panty sniffing, jacking off in weird places and into things like ex-gfs body lotion, let her dog lick my balls while i masturbated, I'm sure there's more, but ehh lots of good faps
1. Obscene phone calls galore . . . had social anxiety and the only way I could interact sexually with girls was over the phone.
2. Stalked the shit out of a hot teacher.
3. gave out my home phone # for phone sex . . .
4. Lots of dirty talk on AOL -- they used to tell your parents on you, no bullshit
5. bought one of those stupid blow up dolls to fuck
>>708709144
>got whiskey dick while trying to lose his virginity to his cousin
>thats three traumatic experiences wrapped into one hilarious package
I count two. whiskey dick and losing virginity, although i don't find whiskey dick that traumatic, only happened a couple of times to me and i kind of laughed. what's the third? fucking your qt cousin sounds pretty hot to me, not traumatic if that's what you were talking about
>>708704578
Jesus nice ass anon.
>>708693148
really, are you 5, using a smosh gif
>>708710712
you should have fucked your sister. i honestly don't get how people don't do that. i'm not some male model, just a decent looking guy with decent confidence and i banged every fuckable girl i had any access to as a teenager. if i had a sister i was around hours a day for years there is no way i wouldn't have hit that. how do you fuckers let that slide? especially if she is hot what the hell, it's not like you don't have the time to work on it
>>708688920
Best kek in days!
>>708688678
Horny and drunk started fingering one of my best friends, then we had sex. friendship became awkward after that. even though we both enjoyed the sex.
Best /b/ thread in a long time.
>>708688678
just now, I got to flustered in rp with a friend, and I was playing an old dude... and I made a too big of a pass on the character girl he was rping... I think I fucked up bad /b/... I feel ashamed
>>708688678
not pull out
>>708712223
oh does that count? I didn't pull out or use a condom because i was horny probably 200 times at least. 3 abortions and 1 kid, thankfully no stds that i know of. I thought this thread was like weird shit you did when horny
>>708688678
>Stupidest shit youve done while horny
Fucked the ugly, stupid, bitchy cunt of a hambeast that I call my wife.
read all the fucking comments on a /b thread titled "Stupidest shit youve done while horny"
>>708688678
>Be me when I was 16
>At friends house
>Be browsing /b/
>See porn, get horny
>Say imma go shower
>Go start shower to drown out fap noise
>Sit on edge of shower so I can nut into running water
>Fap, good nut
>Shower
>Notice shit marks where I sat while I fapped
>prior to shower been farting deathly farts all day
>Wipe up the marks with dirty underwear
>Hurry and out dirty undies in my backpack
>Friends mom offers to wash my clothes, I give all except the undies
>No one found out
Nick if you see this I'm sorry
>>708712849
Why the actual fuck would you not just use toilet paper to clean up?
