Stupidest shit youve done while horny
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
Contact via chat +40yo dudes to fuck my 16yo ass
Pissed in my mouth and instantly regreted it
Bought a 168$ dildo...
Got boner while shitting and pulled a turd out of toilet and rubbed it on my dick
Felt like wet sand no fucking bueno for shit
>>708311997
Jacking off mere moments after I heard my parents fucking
>>708312187
>male hands
>not female
Smoked a bunch of fucking weed and got super horny. Slapped my rock hard dick against my smartphone screen on facebook pictures of this hot girl I know with a big ass.
Problem was I kept hitting the like button on and off on and off. And these were pics from years ago when she was a thicc buxom jailbait. She kind of gave me weird looks after that
Ive came in my own mouth. I remember getting a fever right after and im not sure if it was because of that.
>>708311405
using Icy hot as lube
Recorded sis showering secretly by placing phone behind some other shampoos and stuff she doesn't touch, went to check footage and she occasionally looked right at camera, dunno if I'm fucked but she hasn't said anything since
>>708312385
Here, no hand
>>708312682
Also I don't have the recording anymore so no use asking for it
>>708312724
Thanks
I let my girlfriend jack me off with soap as lube.
It took a while, about fifteen minutes, but felt great until just after I came and the endorphins started to wear off.
Then the burning began...
Sucked my best friend's dick and then was his boyfriend for 6 months
I'm not gay I swear I was just really horny for those 6 months
>>708312785
It didn't happen
Jacked off a 13 story hotel balcony across from a police station. Drunk as hell, totally nude, standing on an ottoman so i could shoot my load over the railing/wall. One false move and I'm a deadman. Great rush though
Let my first cousin live with me. Ended up fucking for the time she lived with me because I was lazy and horns and she was there and willing.
>>708311405
Put my middle finger into my asshole, didnt feel so great and i pulled out shit too.
>>708311405
Spend like $900 on fleshlight
>>708313962
What type of fleshlight
>haven't jacked off in a week
>in bed
>dick rock hard
>go to pornhub
>start jerking it, with a tissue to catch the cum
>cum all over my black shirt.
>decides to pour my coke all over my shirt to cover up the stain and smell of cum
>mom walks in on me standing over my bed pouring coke on my shirt.
>>708314028
Worth every penny.
I went to my Local ABS got my dollars out picked a booth and sat down dropped my pants and greased up my dick then I reached into my coat pocket and took out the huge log of shit(in a paper towel) I expelled this morning I stuffed it in my mouth and began to jerk off I pushed my door open a bit and soon someone was peeking in I pushed it open farther so he could see me clearly sucking the shit and stroking my dick I had no need forcontact as I was almost cumming from just being watched sucking my shit log and jerking off soon a small crowd was watching(about 3 or 4 guys) I was rubbing shit into my nipples and licking at the loaf in my hand one guys gioes , What is that in your mouth, SHIT!!! well he went to the attendent and must have told about the shitpig in booth 7 soon the girl(about 19 or so, kinda fat and ugly, a lesbian I believe) throws my door open there I am cock in hand, turd in mouth and smeared on my nipples orgasm swelling out of me, squirting all over myself she stares at me for a second before calling me a nasty motherfucking pig orders me out stands to watch while I get dresses , wrap up the turd and head for the door she tells me to NEVER NEVER come back but the thrill was complete, I got to eat shit and jerk off for a group , including a female the excitment will drive my mastabatory fantasies for years!!!! I loved it , never has anything so hot ever happened to me Thanks for reading
I fucked and accidentally nutted on my memory foam pillow.
Two one ass and other pussy
>get banana
>cut it to my penis size and take out the actual banana
>try putting it over my dick
>to girthy
>split it in half and place between bed frame and mattress
>start fucking it
>cum
>look down at the nasty banana peel
>every thing is brown and mush
>covered in cum
>try to clean it off put can't
>the stain is still there today
I can post pic of it if wanted
>>708315323
Yes
>>708311405
I was listening to an Armored Skeptic video while jerking off to Sofi A.
>>708315525
My good sir here you are
>>708315323
Do it
>>708315323
post pic please
>>708314652
was really drunk one time, tried to make my sister suck me off
breakfast next morning was kinda awkward
>>708315831
jerk off constantly even though I know it is destroying my life, and making me unmotivated, and making my relationship suffer, and making me feel like shit all the time.
>>708312343
I jerked of to my parents fucking many a time. I jerk off anytime I hear fucking.
>>708316004
well done anon
Jacked it to trap porn
>>708316702
sick freak
>>708312526
Chris?
>>708317448
It's not that uncommon of a thing
>be me
>no pussy for almost three years
>start texting baby momma (son is 10 years old at this point and haven't been with her since before he was born)
>she's actually interested for the first time in 10 years
>talk about the old days and send pictures back and forth
>Drive to next state over where they live
>there to "visit my son"
>turns out she's 6 months pregnant
>tfw fuck it. I'm horny
>late night kids are asleep. start fingering her
>like sticking my hand in mashed potatoes
>fuck it. I'm horny
>start fucking her with her prego belly between us.
>feels bad man
>go balls deep and blow my load in her mushy cooter
>say I have to go to the bathroom
>leave and go fall asleep in the livingroom.
>>708315833
wtf throw that shit away. looks like a small lizard was crushed to death
>>708318031
Fuck. That's a horrible story. You made me lose all hope and interest in the future of this country
>>708318286
That's a $100 bottom mattress thing if you wanna by me one then ok
>>708318031
>like sticking my hand in mashed potatoes
>>708318499
I don't feel so bad anymore. she's a slur with 4 kids at the age of 25. the next morning I found 2 meth pipes and a shit ton of baggies in a box under her bathroom sink.
>>708312187
fagggg
>>708320289
Thanks
Licked a 4yo pussy
>>708321540
story?
>>708311405
Attempted to use fresh motor oil as lube with my gf. Worked actually okay other then the high viscosity. Then I had to try to clean it off, which was a pain
>>708312187
I mean, you ever get any use out of it?
>>708323652
Fuck yeah I do
>>708323759
Well you're still a faggot, but it couldn't be that stupid of a decision if you're still getting use out of it
>>708311405
Came to 4chan
>>708324028
Kek, same
>>708324027
yeah I guess so
>>708311405
lose
virginiyu
virginity*
Fucked an empty bottle of Listerine because the bottle opening size was exactly the girth of my dick and fapped using it
>>708313205
Is that where a buildings genitals are the balcony? How does one jerk off a balcony? How do you know when your done?
>>708324196
fucking kek thindick johnson
Put a blanket over myself in a moving vehicle with my family and jerked it. They didn't notice.
>>708324333
Are pigeons involved? I feel they might be.
>be me, 27 yo geologistfag
>live in texas but fly to sites in canada most sundays or mondays for the work week
>had a thing for the flight attendants ever since i was a kid travelling with my family
>last nights flight to bumfuck canada has one dime stewardess
>looked like late thirties, just enough make up, a little thick but built to fuck, uniform looks great on her
>too beta to say a word to her even when she asks if i want a drink, just keep watching my ipad
>plane lands and i take my carryon and get to airport hotel as quick as possible
>company pays for meals so i head to the hotel bar
>order a burger and a beer, want to watch sunday night football but Canada.gis so three different hockey games on
>bar pretty empty but all of a sudden i see the stewardess walk in and look around
>she had changed out of her uniform but looked good in jeans and sweater
>i try not to look at her but she sits a seat down from me at the bar
>>708325114
cont.
>she orders a white wine and a caesar salad, i start to drink my beer faster to get back to my room
>"excuse me, sorry to bother you but were you on tonight's flight from dallas?" she asked
>i look around even though there was nobody else she could be talking to
>autist.webm
>"y-yeah... were you on it too?"
>she slid over to the barstool next to mine and told me she had worked on it
>"i-i know" i said, starting to sweat and turn red
>"not to be creepy, but did i see you watching seinfeld on your tablet? that's my favorite show!"
>i try to relax a little and we start to talk about the show, favorite episodes, curb your enthusiasm, comedians in cars, etc.
>i order another beer and ask if i can get her another glass of wine
>we each have a couple more drinks as she tells me about her job flying around, the people she deals with, etc.
>for whatever reason i'm feeling chatty and she seems to be enjoying herself
>"you know anon... i'm having a great time but only have 4 hours before my next flight. if we want to do this we should go back to my room now"
cont.
>>708312724
Stop lying I saved these from a thread yesterday nigger
>>708311405
shoved my thumb up my ass.
>>708325420
did you save my yesterday timestamp too?
I make a sex on top of a woman.
Now I go Romania
>>708311405
cum on my gfs sisters dildo and knew she used it that night nothing happened luckily
>>708325420
You actually saved my dildo? I feel honored lol
>>708313048
>Suck dick
>Not gay
>Pick one you subhuman.
>>708325605
So if you posted it in the thread, post it with a fork for evidence
>>708313470
Green text?
>>708325307
Keep it going, guy
Tried to smell my sister's pussy while she was doing something in the bathroom with the mirror, got caught with my face up her skort (skirt-shorts hybrid) from behind.
Couldn't even smell anything through her clothes.
Tie
>ate out an ugly chick
>sucked on an even uglier chicks tits
They were both land whales, but the one that got tits sucked looked like a younger version of honey boo boos mom.
Whatever, atleast I got off
I fucked my best friends/roommates sister because I needed something to stick my dick in. He never found out
>>708326413
I tried putting a shampoo bottle up my ass..
>>708326413
>>708326897
Happy?
>>708326897 okay I'm sorry have fun
>>708327038
But did you actually save it? I'm curious
>>708326530
>>708325307
cont.
>i think my jaw actually dropped and i stared at her for a second
>i stammered out a "sure" as I signed for both our meals and drinks and my dick went diamonds.jpg
>she took my hand and led me out of the restaurant and down a hall off the lobby
>couldn’t believe I was about to hook up with a hot, older stewardess
>my last hookup had been almost a year ago with a bad-teethed, beat asian
>we get into her room and she kicks her shoes off and pushes me onto the bed
>”hey anon… I think you’re into this whole stewardess thing… want me to change back into my uniform?”
>”y-yes please” I said, heart pounding
>”k, to do that I need about tree fiddy”
>it was at that time i noticed this flight attendant was about 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the paleolithic era
I've never done anything stupid, but I've jacked off to Columbine documentaries and Bob Ross
>>708327257
>>708327349
Just go ahead and stroke your happy little tree.
>>708315833
Stand proud you dubs getting banana fucker! You had an adventure!
>>708327349
>never done anything stupid
>jacked off to columbine documentaries
>jacked off to Bob Ross
>>708327257
not sure if copypasta but slow clap all the same
Was at a friend's house staying the night and used the dad's electric toothbrush up my ass to masturbate.
I was all paranoid that someone would hear the vibrations because they live in a condo. But I had the shower on too so whatever.
I had sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation
>>708327349
Does this make you happy you sick fuck
I've shown my cock to at least 100+ people to show it off, including people I know :/ fun
>>708327823
Theres a guy that does that every time we have a party
Put a latex glove over the handle of a plunger and used lube to fuck myself with it
>>708327939
I only do like online though
>>708326659
>>708327992
Please don't be a dude.
>>708327257
Way to go fag. I was interested bro. I took a study break to read the shit posting from anons just lerking, and then you DO this TO ME?
Good bye 4xhin time to anhero.
Does this include stupid shit we've done while horny when the stupid shit in question isn't related to us being horny?
Having a boner can really impair judgement, and not just with sexual stuff.
>>708326487
Nothing to green text. She moved to my city for a job and needed a place to stay. I had a spare room and no gf. One night we fucked after drinking and talking.
Until she moved out, I basically fucked that pussy whenever I felt like it.
Had a threesome with a homeless girl my friend and I saw at a bus stop. Will Greentext if want.
>>708327257
You son of a bitch.
I love you
Left a bar and sat in my car dead drunk jacking off.
>>708312343
i've done that, i was like 12
>laying on the floor of my shower
>water isn't a very good lube but good enough
>faster
>faster
>explode
>jizz on lips
Never fapped while laying down since
>>708328272
Want
>>708327257
God damnit. Fuck you
everything i did between the ages of 13-28
I tried (real hard) to insert my dick into my own ass
I fucked a vacuum cleaner.
>>708328693
>go to bar one night
>get drunk, friend and i heading home
>he's driving, stops at red light
>horny (obvi)
>see people at bus stop, one is girl
>say "hey come here"
>she comes over
>"get in"
>she gets in
>friend is smart, buys her whataburger
>live in tx btw
>start talking sex
>friend says "wanna have some fun tonight?"
>she's down but wants money to pay her phone, $45
>sure.jpeg
>stop at gas station to get condoms and cash
>she lets me start playing with her tits
>>708327257
Was on a bunch of molly, and had wanted to try being dominated by a dude for a while(I'm a dude). Knew this gay guy living across the street from where I was partying, went over there feigning feeling ill and asked if I could chill for a bit. In my molly induced euphoria, I just straight up said out of nowhere while he was surfing the web across the room I was interested in having gay sex and if he was down. He was, was a sub all night. Haven't done it since. Side note, anyone else have this weird thing where they aren't attracted to men in anyway, but find the idea of being emasculated and dominated by one hot?
>>708328272
>>708329221
cont'd
>we go to friend's apt
>I go to bathroom
>walk out, she's blowing him
>sit on couch next to him
>she's jerking me off, friend has to go to bathroom
>she starts blowing me
>he comes back and lays on floor
>she starts blowing him while I fuck her from behind
>cum super quick lol
>go to bathroom and flush condom
>read random wiki pages while he fucks/gets blown by her in background
>doesn't matter, had sex
>>708329365
It's called being gay
>>708329365
Any thoughts on the actual experience? Was it what you expected? Good or bad?
>>708329052
>>708329365
No, fag.
>>708329052
I've done that several times before, it worked once.
2/10, was an interesting experience, but not really pleasurable nor arousing.
>>708311405
Spent 4 hours driving in car for 3 hours of bareback sex with half mexican slut
>>708311405
sucked my brother's dick.
>>708313048
>I'm so horny I could suck a dick
said no straight person ever
>>708329554
>>708329829
Daniel?
>>708329778
tbh that's pretty good sex:driving ratio tho
fap to traps. For some reason u get turned on by it to the point of no turning back. When you're done it's the most shameful thing ever. However u can always lie about the femininity while you're fapping.
>>708329902
>>708314570
w... why didnt you just change your shirt? And why wasnt your door locked if you were jerking off?
>>708330071
>u get turned on by it to the point of no turning back. When you're done it's the most shameful thing ever.
Same reason so many fat and ugly chicks have babies.
>>708312187
i know that feel bro
>>708314570
>>708329590
Yeah, had a good time, but I was also on alot of drugs so... I'd probably do it again but kind of worried of hooking up with some stranger and getting something. And like I said, not really attracted to men and would never have anything more than a one night stand or possible fuck buddy.
Fucked a Barbie doll. Like actually wrapped the hands on my dick and fucked it on the floor.
>>708330250
I want to get a fox at some point, I love knots
>>708325114
Bull shit There never multiple night games on a sunday for NHL
>>708327257
Literally lol'd. Good work anon
>>708329641
Never go ass to mouth
I came in my mouth once. Can greentext if anyone cares
>>708330593
Please go on
>>708311405
I used soap as lube.
>>708324192
you could have backspaced like 3 times to correct the error, but instead you chose to type the extra word. I dont understand
>>708314570
>>708324796
I hope your name is Tim B.
>>708330593
Please
>>708330691
Not him, but
>never came in your own mouth
I'm not even flexible or skinny, 6'1 170 lbs, and I can tell you that autofellatio is ezpz but your back/neck will hurt after
>>708330444
Nice trips
There are plenty of sunday night/evening games, maybe just one on national TV
>>708330226
I have to agree. However for me they would have to be naked by the time they meet me if they really want to hook me in. Traps would just have to 100% look like a hot female and turn me on from the start as well.
>>708312235
What the actual, literal autismo shit is wrong with you?
Jacked off behind my friend's back once while he played my video games.
>be me, 15
>no friends
>wants to experience things that happen in porn
>go in shower
>lube up, finger my butthole and suck my dick at the same time
>consider suicide after orgasm
>>708330250
>>708312187
feels good man
>>708330691
>be me
>super horny but kind of bored
>surfing 4chin
>see one of those faggot cum roll things
>decide what the hell and roll
>worst roll of my life
>momma didn't raise no pussy tho, so I assume the possition
>prop my feet up against the wall and scoot my back close
>my dick is right above my mouth and I actually licked it (another story)
>anyway I turn on that gay fetish midget porn and start tugging
Will cont if interest...
>>708330976
I have done it before.
5'11 Thin and flexible as fuck
Managed to suck my dick and cum in mouth.
Shit was fucking awesome.
>>708311405
tried to fuck a stuffed angelica doll. Was going through puberty at the time. Unfortunately there was no friction so it wasn't really worth it.
>>708327257
you're not funny. you wasted everyone's time. fucking kill yourself, anon.
>>708331400
>fetish midget porn
Please go on
>>708311405
>double barrel 1911
>mfw you call it stupid ass
>mfw no face
>mfw you stupid ass
>mfw still no face
>your mom comes over
>"anon may I see your penis?"
>big reveal.
>*gasp*
>mom sees one of your curly brown butt hairs tangled in my pubes
>"I'd notice that butt hair-any-whair"
>your mom begins to viciously suck me
>attempts to claim ownership of my staff
>my rod
>my Tod
>Toddy boy gets stiff
>op barges in
>assumes position
>2 fagits for price of none
>pull out double glock barrel
>spin cylindrical wonder
>"did I fire 1 shot or 69?"
>"do you feel lucky? Spunk?"
>I climax
>unload mag full of 308.
>that's 2 in the gay.
>>708331400
JUST FUCKING CONTINUE
>>708311405
craigslist tranny in a run down howard johnson
>be me
>16 and balls filled with bad behavior
>sleeps in living room a lot
>sees step sister
>developing really fast and is a innocent looking some
>states as she wears tight yoga pants things and sleeps in extemely sexy positions
>shed 10
>tits are cute and add is bulgy tight big and athletic
>jerks off starring at her amazing add
>next night
>short shorts and no underwear
>thinking about her clean untouched pussy
>pulls shorts aside while she sleeps
>cautiously groped her while yanking my dock
>puts mouth on her ass
>finished
>shes asleep still
>heat of moment thing regretted it and never had feelings like that again for any young girl
>would still smash if she asked ne
>>708327349
i tried jacking off to the columbine phone calls when i was 15 to be edgy. couldn't do it, maybe i'll try it again paired with some porn
>>708328272
yes please
Plowed some asian dude's ass from CL.
I wasn't even into it once we got naked and was about to bail, but he sucked my dick and got me hard, then I flipped him over and plowed him hard. I came on his back, put it back in, and pounded him until he came.
>>708327257
I fucking called it man!
>>708331663
Got a stiffy reading it
>>708331727
Life goals.
Dated a girl that used to vibe my asshole while throating me, would cum in 60 seconds flat, she'd swallow and go again 2 or 3 times without ever having my cock leave her mouth.
She dumped me on our summer break freshman year of college. I go to work on my Grandfather's sheep ranch to make money for school.
Get super horney one night in the bunk house where I was staying. Decide to watch video we made and jack it. But it wasn't the same without the vibrator.
Frantically look for a vibrator type object in bunk house. All I could find was a hand held kitchen mixer from the 70s.
So I start edging, getting more into it. Then slide a condom over the egg beater attachment and lube up. Slowly insert it up my ass. Mind you this is like 4pm and I had just worked a 13hr day on fencing and brush clearing so I already smell aweful.
I set it to the lowest setting and balance it between the counter and drawer. It's slowly rotating in my anus, doesn't feel as good but fuck it im commited.
Right as I'm about to blow a huge load, hear grandpa and dog pull up on the ATV. In a panic I backed hard into the drawer, suddenly I kicked that 70s monstrosity into high gear in my asshole. Sudden fear, panic, and gut wrenching pain hit all at once. I leap off the makeshift vibe, as it slings a shitty lubed condom right towards bunk house door. I can barely bend over to pick up pants from pain. Grandpa walks in to tell me to come up to the house for dinner, as the dog attacks this shitty condom.
I put on my cool face despite the pain. Grandfather grabs it from the dog. He goes full rage mode about the "goddamn wet backs I hire never respect this place, it's part of my goddamn house, if they want a pay check they better not bring that Mexican fag shit here"
Go to dinner with grandparents, start to feel woozy. Wake up in hospital, I had a 4 inch tear in my rectum with serious internal bleeding. Grandpa thinks I'm a fag now.....
>>708315833
My fucking sides
>>708331892
>stiffy
Top fucking kek, haven't heard that in a while
>>708312986
Tried with toothpaste. Lesson learned, don't trust drunk chicks.
>>708331992
You are a fag. Grandpa was right,
>>708329554
my nigga
Fucked a banana peel.
Next day in the shower I couldn't tell if I was invaded and taken over by a smegma demon or banana.
It was banana
>>708331727
That's funny, I try to Jack off to gore from time to time to be edgy. Only came to one good one of an autopsy of some middle aged woman whose brain was removed from her skull.
>>708331582
>>708331549
>so I feel the rumblies in my loins and start getting nervous and shit like what the hell am I doing
>I turn my head and lock eyes with a gay tranny midget named Spiro
>wonder what he/she/it/Spiro/purple dragon would think of me pussying out here
>steel myself and give a few solid pumps
>I have pretty shit aim but made a lot into my mouth
>it was warm
>like really warm
>just stay there contemplating my life for a little
>get up and look in the mirror
>Hello Darkness My Old Friend
>cum all over my face and in my mouth
>take a shower and cry myself to sleep
>shit was cash
Got really horny and dedicated a whole year learning how to stick my dick in my own ass because I realized I would always be a beta kissless virgin.
>>708311405
>be me in hs
>have gf
>gf is quiet innocent nerdy girl, looks like the type to sit at the lunch table with the anime people
>asks me one day to walk her home, that we could order a pizza and play some n64.
>folks are not home
>red alert, sound the alarm, about to get puss
>agree to walk to her house after school
>we do the walking and we walk inside
>never been in her home, always walked to my house after hers
>its fucking choice house. of the two story fancy tile houses.
>walk up to her room, going up stairs, see up skirt, see vaj, oh shit niger boner is here 10 mins early
>first thing i see in her room is this purple dildo laying on her bed, is big my dudes, like dragon dildo big
>im phased
>>708314729
>I fuck a memory foam pillow too
Thought I was alone
>>708313787
Sounds like you did it wrong lmao
>>708332246
How...how did you find out it was banana...?
>>708311405
Try to hit on a girl.
>>708314688
>>708332419
>contemplating my life for a little
>take a shower and cry myself to sleep
Thanks Anon for your effort.
Made my night.
>>708314729
>>708332509
it'll never let you forget.
>>708332246
Go to bed dillon
>>708332739
Glad some joy could come out of my misery. Brb gonna cum in my mouth again
Drove 45 mins to fuck a meth head 50 year old who was on her period. It was a weird time for me, Fresh out of rehab and just started taking legal steroids.
Paid the bitch 20 bucks and drove to a gas station and cleaned off the blood.
>>708331400
>>708332419
Holy shit my sides
>>708327257
Goddammit you cunt! I just woke up my one month old son
>>708328140
You KNOW it's a dude.
>>708332504
cont.
>she notices the coke a cola sized dragon dildo and hides it. apologizing and asking to just move on with the night
>sitting down on the same bed she notices the hardon
>she begins to breathe deeply and says "holy shit...you are huge"
>she tries to have a half assed excuse on why she should see the penor early because shes a "good girl"
>it finally gets to her giving me probably the best head ever
>and then goes to her asking me to fuck her with said dildo
>being 17 and horny why not
>i fucked her with a plastic dragon dick for a hour and a half
>only she came
>when it was my turn to have the sex there was 0 grip
>it was like fucking a toilet paper roll if it was already stretched out by a coke can sized dragon cock
>we broke up after that, and she got like hugeeee.
>last year she asked me if she could fuck me again
>>708327257
>14ish
>hanging at friend's house with some buds
>construct a sofa cushion sarcophagus
>take turns masturbating inside of it while everyone else plays super smash bros
>>708331563
>that's two in the gay
>2 fagits for price of none
>>708329365
Isn't that what gay is?
>>708319651
>newspaper over the drugs
I think we've all been ther.
Posted a craigslist ad for someone to suck me off. Pussied out in the end. Should I have gone through with it?
>>708333224
>>708331563
lol you win stupid faggot
Message my ex boyfriend a lot of dirty stuff, sent him pics of our video, he still hasn't signed in to read any of it. I'm waiting for my death
>>708327257
fucking asshole.
nice.
>>708331563
>>708333434
>>708311405
Had sex in the missionary position for the express purpose of procreation
>carve a butt plug out of a candle
>go on a walk with it in
>uncomfortable.jpg
>go in some bushes to take it out
>don't want to get caught carrying a butt plug
>throw it in a public pool
>>708333735
Also have fetish for an old guy to jerk me off then suck me while I look at pics of girls. Which is weird because I'm not attracted to guys
>>708331563
>2 fagits for price of none
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>708334329
>>708334482
>not attracted to guys
>fetish for an old guy to jerk me off then suck me
>>708334657
I wound make out with a guy or find him attractive. I just think it's a weird fetish kek
>>708334834
Wouldn't*
>>708334482
>want an old guy to suck me
>no homo
>>708334834
>I wouldn't make out with a guy or find him attractive
>old guy to jerk me off then suck me
>>708311405
Fucked an autistic girl who just got out of a mental hospital. If there's interest, I'll greentext.
>>708332809
>That joke was stupid
>I still kek'd like a moron
>be me
>be horny af
>no lube or lotion
>hair gel
>use it, cum, decent/10
>end up peeling dried up white flaky shit off my dick for the next 2 weeks because it wouldn't wash off
>>708311405
î touched my cousin as a teenager...
>>708335110
Of course there fucking is, just tell the story
>>708335110
I kinda want a high-functioning autistic girl.
>>708335164
Pic related
>>708335110
Go on...
>I sniffed my at the time 6 year old niece's pussy
>I was like, 16
>mfw I should kill myself for being "that uncle"
> drunk in a bar with friends
> walked up behind an anon qt 9/10
> reached around and started playing with her bellybutton and jewelry
I streaked completely naked and drunk in my town about a week ago. It was like 7 in the morning, and I was caught by a woman on her morning jog. It was humiliating, and awesome at the same time.
>>708335683
tell us more
>at friend's house
>say I'm going to bathroom
>go into his mom's room and start searching her drawers
>find vibrator
>start licking it
>debate stealing it
>decide to put it back and leave the room
>he was just coming up the stairs as I left his mom's room
If i waited 10 more seconds i would have been fucked
I remember this time in hibh xchool when i went to a party. bunch of us went to sleep so there wass just this guy who wanted to fuck tjhe sa,e gor;
>Be me, 13
>At a hotel in Vegas, parents gambling
>Decide to head down to the pool
>Practically deserted, only a couple families and some random dudes
>Float around in the pool for a few minutes, it sucks
>Go to locker room to change
>Huge buff dude rinsing off in the shower, looks like a bodybuilder
>Never seen anyone that jacked before irl, inadvertently start staring
>Dude notices, asks me if I work out
>Am skinny-fag, late bloomer who hasn't bloomed, just say, "a little bit."
>Starts talking about how he was like me when he was young, started talking about how build muscle and shit
>Tells me if I start now, I'll look great when I'm older
>Also says I look good now.
>wtf?
>"Wanna go in the sauna?" he asks
>Never saw the point, just a little room that makes you all hot and sweaty
>Plus dude is kind of weird
>But I'm bored with nothing else to do, and it's cool that an adult want to hang out
>Go in sauna
>"Gotta get naked he tells me."
>Strips off his trunk
>Cock is so big I swear it has a knee joint
>Sticks straight up, goes well past his belly button
>Can't stop staring
>Never had a gay thought in my life until that moment
>Scared and confused as hell
>Getting hart too, half lust, half fear boner
>Dude grabs his cock, gives it a few jerks and walks towards me, pokes me in the stomach with it
>Diamonds. Me and Him
>Puts his hand on my head, pushed me down gently, it's right in front of my face
>*Don't be a faggot, don't be a faggot, don't be a faggot!*
>Feel him rub it across my lips
>*Damnit, I'm a faggot!*
>Start licking it, sucking it, kissing it, rubbing my face on it
>Can't stop, never wanted anything more
>Start crying too, because now I'm a faggot.
>Worship his cock for about 10 minutes, blows his load all over my face
>Wipes it off with his finger and feeds it to me
>Pulls his trunks back up, turns to go and says, "No girl will ever turn you on more than that."
>Look down and see I came too
>I didn't even touch my cock, came hands-free
>He was right.
>>708331992
>>708331992
Next time don't be a bitch and just bleed out.
>>708335823
that was it. Legit just sniffed and ran to the bathroom to fap.
>>708327257
Masterly executed, friendo.
>>708334329
>>708335683
kys
>>708333448
Oh shit I think I know you.
>>708312385
>closed mouth
>mouth is open
>>708335110
>>708335258
>>708335389
>>708335483
PART THE FIRST
>Be me
> Junior in high school
> Everyone either hates me or loves me
> I'm a complete ass to everyone
> Started dating that year
> First this normie bitch, then another normie bitch, then this girl who I was really into since freshman year
> While I'm dating that girl I meet this chick
> Let's call her Mary
> Mary mentions that she knows of an abandoned building
> Fuck yeah I love asbestos
> Go there with her
> She kinda weirds me out but w/e
> We start to hang out
> A couple months go by
> She thinks of me as her best friend
> I don't give a flying fuck about her, but I helped solve some of her bigger mental issues due to personal interest
> She has a psychotic break and tries to kill her mom
> Kek
> Gets sent to a mental hospital
> I visit her whenever I can
> I'm the only person she trusts and I'm not a total monster yet
> She gets out
> We start hanging out again
> We were watching some tv one day when she just starts making out with me
> She's bad at it
> IDGAF I'm horny
Cont?
I bought porn from R18 and immediately had my credit card data compromised.
>>708335923
>cock is so big it could have a knee joint
>came hands-free
>>708330976
>I'm not flexible or skinny
>6'1
>170
Nigga you skinny af
Held my at the time best friends little sister on my lap so I could feel her butt on my dick. She was 10, I was around 15-16.
Either that or groping my 11 year old cousins ass. I was 18.
>>708337015
Probably fapping to this.
>>708337015
have any more stories like this? or more details
>>708336663
Don't pussy out on us now
fucking continue
Moar
>>708313205
Why the fuck did I just say good idea to this?
>>708332132
How am I gay if I was jacking it to a chick eating my dick... pic related btw
>>708336663
moar
>>708337015
Starting to think I was the only incest pedo
>>708327257
thanks for the laugh
When I was like 13 my step-cousin and I made out and she gave me a blow job. Fast forward 2 years now 15, whole family over for pool party find her panties in her bag in bathroom where everyone changes shove them in my mouth while stroking and then cum in them. Fast forward another 2 years were watching the house for my grandma and she makes a move and we fuck... 3 times in a day. for another 2 years we would get together and fuck until she got a serious boyfriend and myself a serious girlfriend.
>>708315323
How does your dick fit in a banana?
>>708331992
people like you make me feel like the smartest man in the world.
>>708337779
underage b&
>>708315958
>breakfast next morning was kinda awkward
No shit
>>708337831
What like you've never done something that didn't plan out well?
The risk I took was calculated, but I am also bad at maths.
>found my mom's vibrator
>licked it and stuck it in my ass.
>>708337235
>>708337287
>>708337556
I got you fam, I'll tell the little cousin one cuz that one was more recent.
>be me
>youngest child. Hate kids.
>always had to babysit whenever my cousins came over
>littleshits.jpg
>except my cousin, Jay.
>mile mannered, actually fun
>lower body hit puberty EARLY
>ass was in yoga pants often
>mfw I'm her favorite cousin
>had to get some.
Cont.
>>708336663
P2?
>>708328140
>4chan
>not a dude
>be 16/17
>find parents strap on and porn thanks to dog
>home alone and horny af
>watch "Fetish Whores 2" and ride dildo
>cum buckets
>Hateself.gif
>>708336663
>>708337299
Dubs demand I continue
PART THE SECOND
> We start going out
> Unofficially because I'm dating another chick at the time
> Frequent making out
> It's fucking nasty
> Still don't give a fuck, know I can get laid and I hadn't lost V-card yet
> We go into this forest near my town to do shit
> Bitch is a total sadist
> She gives me hickies that are fucking black
> And last for days
> She scratched the word "MINE" into my back until I bled
> Muhdick
> She breaks up with me because I start dating another new girl
> Mary gave the worst head by the way, always made me finish
> Still don't give a fuck
> She wants to get back together
> Perpetual state of not giving a fuck
> She takes a trip to a few states away for a while
> Don't care
> She tells me that when she comes back we can do whatever I want
> SOON.WAV
> She comes back
> I tell her it's time to fooook
> She gives me this look
> I tell her how she promised
> Terrible sex
> She doesn't even get wet because I'm not in pain
> I meant it when I said she was a sadist
> I have to jerk off into her pussy to finish because she says it hurts too much
> MFW she gets a urinary track infection and I drop all contact with her
>>708311405
>7th grade
>coach gives a personal afterschool detention so i cant be at basketball practice
>serve detention in coaches science classroom
which is right across hall from gym
>sit in cubicle at back of room
>get bored
>go to the nearest computer in the classrom which is still at the back
>look at school safe porn
>this means tiffany amber theissen in bathing suit
>remember vividly bc flashbulb memory
>unzip pants huddled over
>trying to covert assassinate my own dick
>coach comes in at opposite door
>i freak the fuck out and close tabs and use my shirt to cover my my unzipped pants like im using a fire blanket to put out a fire on my crotch
>coach acts like he doesnt know that i know that he knows what im doing
>at the end of detention im allowed to let myself out
>relationship with coach is different but i never got held from practice again
>>708338287
>family event
>she's bored, looking at shit on shelves.
>dat perky young ass is poppin
>getting hard
>swoop in behind her, wrap my arms around her.
>"I'm bored anon, let's do something"
>hold her there slowly press into her, ask her what she wants to do.
>getting harder
>"Idk, let's play house. Be the husband."
>Tell her fine, it's been a long day and it's time for bed.
>Turn her around, straight up smack her cute butt
>diamond hard at this point, no going back
Cont.
>>708312724
taaaabarnak
>>708319651
>mfw when that sweet Las Vegas Review Journal
>>708335894
damn nigger even I'm not that drunk yet
>>708339051
Hurry the fuck up
>>708339051
lurking, want to hear the end of this story
>>708329554
weak. ur supposed to tag team her to completion brah brah
Jacked off onto my kids feet while they slept.
>>708311405
taped a plastic bag under my ass and took a shit while masturbating at my front door
>>708339051
>"No anon!" She says as she points a finger at me.
>"What's wrong babe? Your my wife, aren't you?" I slap it again.
>"No anon!" She says, trying to hide her laugh.
>I start tickling her. Pick her up (both hands on her ass, of course)
>crash on bed with her. Make sure crotches are touching.
>my phone falls out pocket. She grabs it
>"Gimme your password anon"
>"why?"
>"Cuz."
>"Cuz what?"
>"I wanna see if your texting any girls."
>Tell her I don't have other girls, I'm married.
>Kiss her cheek. She hugs me.
>Slip hands on her butt. Rub it around a few. "Is this okay?"
>"I don't care." She says.
>Keep it going. Eventually she just closes her eyes and lays her head on my shoulder.
>Hands go under pants. Fucking moulding that shit like clay.
This went on for maybe 10 minutes before I pussed out and nutted in the bathroom. I didn't get under her panties, I was a vagina at the last minute and got cold feet.
I'm 20 now, she's 13. Haven't seen her since.
>>708340168
That's fucked m8. How would it feel if your kid knew and it mentally scarred them. They might grow up to be angst and only drink alcohol and smoke weed. Hating you and life because of your fetish. I promise I'm not projecting
>me some time ago
>night out wandering downtown drinking and smoking with some buds
>out until nearly sunrise, when we go our seperate ways
>have to walk through a big open park beside some train tracks to get home
>drunk and high me is barely aware of surroundings
>see the sunrise as i walk through the park and my dick decides its time for morning wood
>undo my belt and jeans right in the middle of the park in broad morning daylight, whip dick out
>start jerking
>keep walking
>pass a few dog walkers and joggers
>they were probably telling me off or giving me looks i don't remember
>train full of people goes by slowly as it is stopping at the nearby station
>keep walking, keep jerking
>not even sure if i realised what i was doing at the time
>finished and just pulled pants back up and continued home
>>708323759
Nice micro-penis /b/ro
>>708340427
>be angst
>drink alcohol
>smoke weed
>hate dad
>hate life
>implying that wouldn't happen without dad jizz on feets
>>708311405
- Jerked off in front of some dude on Omegle...felt disgusting afterward
- Came in my own mouth (who hasn't)...worst idea ever
- Barebacked a known slut with herpes...didn't get burned
>>708340671
So this is just what everyone does?
>>708340444
>>708340405
>implying you should've had sex with your underage cousin
holy shit anon. kek.
>>708327939
We all know at least one
>>708340834
if your father is, or is at least an equivalent to, a /b/tard; yes.
>>708340405
Nice, too bad you didn't go further with her.
>>708341044
Can confirm kid is be angst
>>708341029
>implying underage isn't fair game
Either way it's 4Chan, it probably never happened
>>708340444
trips
