>be with boyfriend for 9 years in our 20s >moved in with
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>be with boyfriend for 9 years in our 20s
>moved in with him at the ripe age of 18
>many phases have come and go due to our age
>somehow survive these due to both of us being stubborn af
>this time he has become obsessed with world politics
>thanks /pol/
>unless i pretend to agree with him the conversation becomes an oppurtunity for him to try to convince me
>cuts me off and doesnt seem to understand i naturally will have my own viewpoint
>i feel disrespected every single time
>sometimes it ends in him yelling and swearing at me
>break-up-y things are said
>i cry
>a lot
>enough time passes that we are like this sucks
>"make up"
>rinse and repeat
>fear of loneliness is killing me
>fear of regret
>help
Its gotten to the point where the topic makes me hyper sensitive. It just seems after everything else this relationship has withstood this shouldnt be so hard. What if he's the One and i never get another shot at this? At not being single @ 50 yo and worrying ill literally die alone?
Leave him
>>708124997
>What if he's the One and i never get another shot at this?
Get him to jump off a skyscraper to find out
>>708124997
Ditch that zero get yourself a hero
Ditch that 0 and commit an hero
>>708124997
>been together 9 years
Did you get fat in those years? I'm not trying to be a dick but that happens often and women lose self respect and that's why they're afraid they won't find someone else.
Get in shape, do things for yourself, gain confidence, and get a new guy lined up to help you transition.
>>708124997
you gay?
>>708124997
Marry him.
He's obviously stressed out by todays world and economy. Hell, Ive stopped looking for a job with Russia threatening to nuke America if Hilary wins.
Love him, don't leave. He's the man, the protector of you in a subconscious primal form. I mean, you could be utterly alone in an apocalypse?
Lets face the facts, the world has gone to shit and it won't be much longer til shit hits the fan.
People have this small minded mentality that it's never going to happen to them. That war is something our grandpas did.
Wrong. So very wrong. Russia is openly threatening us with nuclear warfare and our President isn't even responding to him; obviously making the situation worse.
Just listen to your boyfriend, he probably knows what he's talking about.
>>708124997
Tits or gtfo
>>708124997
how old are you exactly? Is he your first bf? Fear of being alone is understandable but you have to care for yourself if he doesn't respect you as a person this isn't acceptable. If you have only the least bit self respect you stand up for yourself and if he doesn't accept that leave him
>>708126562
>>708127052
>>708127052
>>708127089
>>708127465
>>708127507
Everything that is wrong with todays society.
Honey, if you want help listen to me. Any response you get here is from a 12 year old with no relationship experience or a 23 year old fat fuck whose had 1 girlfriend.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s and this isn't what life is about. You obviously love this man, and have a deep connection with him. 9 years of 30 years of your life, you've been with him 1/3 of your existence. The rest of your life you will think about him and wish you could be with him.
Fix the problem, do not abandon the siutation. Thats the new generations easy-way-out & thats why they're all a bunch of whiney pussies who get cucked
>>708127958
This. There are rules. Whiteknights that help regardless if tits are shown or not should be shot. If you want help...
>tits or gtfo
>>708128304
Just because you made to mistake to stick around with a loser doesn't mean she has to do the same. This isn't the 70s people don't need to settle down and bang out kids when they're 24 and then spend the rest of their lives justifying it on image boards for weeaboos.
OP if you're under 30 you're still young enough to make a positive change in your life. Don't fall in to this posters trap of misery wanting company.
>>708127869
This just in
Russia is sending notice to all its citizens in America to return home immediately
We. Are. Fucked.
>>708124997
How do you differ in political viewpoints?
>>708127869
You must have came from /pol/
>>708124997
the answer is simple, u know it and u r not acting, cuz of your primitive, pathetic instincts.
And u want to not be told how to put on seatbelts on a plane, cuz u r "rational and intelligent"
>>708127971
Im 26 and although hes not my first boyfriend weve been together since high school. Approaching 30 makes me fearful to start new when ive already got my little life plan in motion. But i am very unhappy and i know he is too. Admitting it is painful. Sometimes i wish i had another chance at our time together so far.
>>708124997
its all gonna end soon
Tits or gtfo
>>708128567
Im scared because i hear this - that if we made it this long its worth trying but sometimes it feels like we've been on expired time anyway. Regret is my number one fear in this situation
>>708128875
how long you have been together doesn't make it ok he makes your life shitty.
>Approaching 30
You're mid 20 idiot. Still enough time. I know a 26 year old male virgin who would take pretty much every woman and thinks he will kill himself once he turns 30 (the fear of this age seems to be in both genders) so don't tell me there aren't other guys than him
>>708128304
I do appreciate the viewpoint. Not sure which way to go or which option an older me would be happier i did.
>>708129029
This
>>708124997
There are rules here ma'am abide or leave
>>708127869
Even better: become pregnant - there is no way he would leave you if you are pregnant. And bonus you will have to fight over more things than just only politics. Oh and if it all goes south again - just become pregnant again. This has worked for so many people. Any time you get into a crisis get another baby. Repeat until you divorce which will likely be when you bear your third child.
>>708128875
>30
>fearful
>>708128818
>>708128567
10/10 argument, would read again.
Stop giving advice until she shows tits, otherwise sage goes in all fields!
if he is a communist dedicated to uniting the earth then learn that he is right you stupid bitch,if he is anything else crush his reactionary ass with Marxist Leninist rhetoric
>>708128601
We used to be young&dumb progressives when we were teenagers with something to prove and now as we are older he's flip flopped to the total opposite. One thing that specifically gets me and weve argued multiple times over... is he doesnt think the holocaust happened. He also supports putting up walls and our opinions on immigration policies are total opposites now. He thinks im what's wrong with the world right now.
>>708129851
kill that flag sucking fascist nations are a dead idea,they are lines drawn in the sand by men who would stand on your back.united earth directorate forever!
>>708129851
what country are you from?
>>708129607
Lol that is a nightmare no fucking thank you
>>708128304
Fucking thank you. I'm afraid of dating these days because everyone acts like they'll just up and leave over the most TRIVIAL of issues. As though great lovers just fall off trees.
In truth you'll have maybe TWO truly great loves in your entire life and you'd be a fool to be so cavalier towards love that you just leave when the going gets remotely tough
>>708129851
Ah, he's done the horseshoe. He'd be a lot better off with a viewpoint in between those two.
So would you for that matter.
I can relate I used to be full sjw, attending slut walks and junk. Now I'm more in the middle after looking at both sides of the spectrum.
>>708130091
or what you set up to be your great love because not going away despite the relationship harms you is easier for you than fearing loneliness.
1600 billionaires own 93% of all things that have value we just need to kill them and run the factories and farms of the world democratically with no borders,robots will do most tasks and things will be distributed equitably based on how much you worked on robots,bet every one would have a place to live and food even if they couldn't.this is called fully automated luxury communism and it is better then your partners retarded world.we are one planet and a planet at war with itself is doomed.
>>708130091
What if its been tough for a long time
>>708130446
This this this
>>708130622
Then yes, consider leaving. I'm complaining about the comments saying "leave" on absolutely every relationship problem I read about here or on imgur without knowing the context of the relationship length or complexity
>>708128875
>>708129363
The time you spend together is gone you can't get it back. Why poison the future because or the past? Sunken costs isn't just a business idea, and while it's difficult to do, applying it to all areas in your life will make you happier.
>>708130201
I try very hard though to hear him out, see his perspective, and in some ways my opinions have swayed. But sometimes he will not meet me halfway
>>708130768
>imgur
Go away
>>708130538
To be perfectly honest i totally agree with you. And part of what drew him to me was the spirit that makes me feel this way in the first place but now i dont feel it is appreciated anymore. We're not the same people we were when we were figuring out adult life. It hurts in my chest to think about that
>>708131119
>not even listening to anything I say just because of one arbitrary thing
Go back to /g/
>>708131227
I listened to your shitty opinion. Now go away.
>>708130051
But so many people do it. So it HAS to be the right way.
And what is even better. If you sustain the first ~5 years without a divorce you could have use your children to support you in your fights assuming you raised them to your principles. That is amazimg. Think about all the arguments you would win just by doing this
>>708131359
*just* by doing this lol
>>708131321
I appreciate it but understand that the next generation of 30-somethings is going to be the loneliest ever when the strategy of just leaving over everything stops working and they have nothing to bring to the table anymore
>>708129851
Listen to what he has to say.
Keep an open mind.
You can't say with certainty that he is wrong. You don't know.
Give what he's saying a chance. Be interested in what he's saying.
Stop being so stubborn. Have an open mind.
>>708130945
Well it doesn't sound like he's got a nuanced view, so I get why you have hard time following his line of thinking. Try asking him to be critical about everything, including his own political views, get him to check the sources of everything he believes and see if he finds out that either side is trying to make him a tribalist pawn.
sounds like you are in for a sad life with a guy who treats you like shit and cheats on you when you are old and you will hate yourself because you gave the best years of your life to someone who started to shit on you
>>708127052
>>708128304
Somebody missed the joke.
>>708127958
>>708128521
The rules are in place for attention whores who play on the fact that they are women.
If someone actually needs help, it doesnt apply.
>>708128304
Holy shit
Such evil fucking advice. Under the guise of helpfulness. You are an awful person.
>>708131604
I definitely try my damndest.
>>708124997
Drop your SJW feeling like you dropped
your panties when you first met.
Vote Trump, take picture of ballot, all will be well
>>708131723
This is worst fear
>>708132004
So what would you do instead, oh wise millennial?
>>708124997
Had many girlfriends. Have a kid. Leave the dude. If someone has no problem making you cry, it can only get worse. That or wait for him to change. Ask yourself if that's going to happen.
>>708124997
Find a new boyfriend...
>>708128304
>1 gf
You underestimate our wizard powers.
>>708128304
Congratu-fucking-lations on being right. I'm 32 but an immigrant, and I can't imagine leaving my wife. Commitment and hard work are foreign concepts to this modern generation here in America.
>>708124997
>thanks /pol/
np
just devote your life to kek, ma'am, and you will find out that everything is so much easier.
>>708124997
Give him an ultimatum. Prompt him to consider what is more important, his extreme political views or his relationship with you and choose one or the other.
>>708124997
After trying to read some of the thread I understand why you aren't getting along, you're stubborn and similarly to him don't want to hear anything but your own opinion as the right thing. The problem is in both of your personalities, either you and him should try to accept opinions other than your own or you will be lonely forever.
>>708124997
myself i keep politics to myself and people who i know got the same opinions as me, i got a lot of friends who want niggers and sandniggers to overflow our beautiful country (it's a shame i know) but other than that they are nice people. If they knew what my thoughts were on that subject they would call me a natzi or something and they would never want to see me again.
what i'm pointing at is that share what you got in common and not what you disagree on and everything will work out just fine!
i dunno if that answers your question as i forgot what the question was... i am drunk...
>>708132890
This
>>708132566
He is not my husband even though at one time i would have excitedly welcomed a proposal we both know things are not good so thats not happening any time soon.
>>708132184
Thought so, sorry I was mean. Ok nobody can tell you what to do. But I can tell you what I do when I feel unsure and insecure (and I have to fear loneliness as well, am single now).
I ask am I unhappy. If I am unhappy what is the reason. Not facing your problem is never an option
if I have to deal with that reason and probably have to change my life and don't know how it will affect me, I ask what is the worst for me and how can I still look into the mirror and justify my standpoint to me. I had to find out what is important in my life and I know more than fearing loneliness I can't handle being disrespected. So I am lonely now and have trouble to find someone new but I am not unhappy. Could be happier if not lonely but I am not unhappy. It's a relief getting the person who hurts you out of your life even if you have strong feelings and try to think that person isn't as bad. People change and before leaving school you don't know shit about the world don't be surprised he changed his views, he has his reasons and if you can't follow him and he becomes disrespectful because of that leave him my advice
>>708128304
This.
>>708132890
I can accept his though, even when they make no sense to me ive never made him feel like hes not allowed to have them. But he has literally told me i was 100% wrong before... as i admitted with my original post, we definitely are two stubborn fucks hence us having held on this long.
>>708131963
bullshit
we are all anons here, if OP only wanted help, OP could have said "hi, Im an anon in a shitty relationship with another person"
gender/sex makes no differenc there
the moment OP feels the need to flaunt "look at me, Im a girl, I has pussy" it also needs to show tits or GTFO
that is the rule
>>708124997
shoot him in the chest with a 12 gauge slug
>>708133587
I know a catholic girl who told me she will only get married once in life and never leave her future husband even if he beats her because of values etc. Being the other extreme isn't a solution too while I totally agree relationships don't have any value in todays society except for fucking, pushing one's ego or a false sense of security like in OP's case
>>708124997
Well the election is almost here, everyone gets ornery around this time. It will be over in just over a month. Dont do anything you will regret until this is over.
>>708133337
I'm old school. We don't move in before marriage. Been with my wife for eight years and married for four, and knowing divorce isn't an option makes us work harder to fix any problems that happen.
>>708133540
You have some wisdom. The answer to am i unhappy has been yes for both of us for a while. I am glad to know happiness is possible alone, i know it sounds stupid but this is literally all ive known in my adult life is having another person there.
>>708124997
Tits
>>708133732
I never once said i was a girl so not sure how im using pussy for power right now
>>708134034
I am 25 myself. Had people tell me when they read what I write they think I'm in the end of my thirties :D
>>708134227
She's right, you know
>>708133939
Honestly this has been on my mind. Im seriously hoping this passes soon
>>708128304
And all your other posts.
>>708128304
>>708133587
I would agree with you guys if it weren't for the fact that it sounds like he's becoming emotionally/verbally abusive if he's calling her names and causing her to fear bringing certain things up. For all we know he's been manipulative from the beginning, but it's difficult to see from inside the relationship... especially if it's the only relationship she's really been in.
>>708127052
Everybody falls the first time.
>>708134227
boypussy or GTFO then
>>708128567
I think this is your answer OP.
>>708127465
Kek
>>708124997
>what if he's the one and I never get another shot at this
Are you a woman? Yes? You'll have another shot.
>>708129363
Even if u regret it dude regret doesnt last forever, there isnt a "one" for everyone, falling in love is easy. U wont be alone forever. If u knew for certain u would fall in love again, would u stay?
>>708130091
You're wrong, be alone for a while and suffer like everyone else, you're not special, your relationship isn't special. If you are suffering for something do something about it and be certain I'll help you I'm the future. Be better.
>>708135147
To be perfectly honest, no I wouldnt.
>>708124997
Go find a Chad and get with him
>>708135386
Not happening
Had many gfs. Married for 10 years. My toughts on this: Leaving is the only action. Be there. Done that. Life afterwards will be better than you can imagine.
>idiot bf is making the relationship suck with his political shit
leave the idiot then
>not gonna do it
why do you come asking for help if you already have set what you will do and what you wont ?
stay in your sucky relationship suffering forever then
>>708134732
I suppose that is sadly true
>>708124997
Just went through something similar, people who put you through a cycle like that are never worth it, fuck him
>>708135745
>missed the joke again
Did you ever think about that you might have simply become so accustomed to this relationship thing that the only thing holding you back from separating is the fact you don't know "how life works", and this is what you fear?
>>708127869
>Ive stopped looking for a job with Russia threatening to nuke America if Hilary wins
Lol, a pathetic NEET making shitty excuses
>>708135729
Its hard to just leave when the bills are in both our names, we share consoles and other belongings and a cat. Thinking of actually going through with leaving sounds like a never ending struggle that im scared wont necessarily be worth it. Im looking for people whove made it through this or seen the other side to give input. For instance: think of your worst break up. If you could go back and do it differently what would you change and why?
>>708124997
There's no reason to be with someone you don't get along with. It's better to be alone than lonely around someone.
Sources: yahoo answers
Also, tits or gtfo.
>>708135620
Here's to hoping...
>>708135946
Definitely.
>>708124997
He's a toxic person and you're in a codependent relationship
>>708134034
I am >>708133540 let me tell you something about a woman I was in love with.
She had 2 long term relationships (1st was shitty too but not the problem). She had 2 children from the 2nd one. Thought she would marry him but when he fucked up in life and couldn't stand that she would further work on her life goals he became angry and jealous at her and because he felt like shit he would always feel that she was cheating on him. He had to move away and they were long distance and his Jealousy and always accusing her of cheating became worse of worse then she couldn't deal with it anymore and broke up with him.
When we met I first thought she treated me arrogantly but I somehow noticed she was too nice to be arrogant hard to say in english. Noticed over time she was actually probably the best woman any man could meet in life: loyal, clever, pretty, reliable, funny. Couldn't believe it. Fell in love but noticed she wouldn't accept me still wanted to be on her good side somehow. She was determined to keep the emotional distance. Led to her starting a fight for no reason and using it as reason to never see me again. It was then she told me about her ex. Tried to get together with her anyway. She realy tried but got her insecurities everytime and that was the worst she acted like she wasn't emotionally attached to me (this shit went on for almost 2 years with a break inbetween). One time I couldn't handle her business smile and acting like nothing wasn't going on and I became mean to her. Saw through her quiete well by now and hit her were it hurt. She didn't give me what I hoped for, a emotional reaction all she did was smiling at me and said she knew all along it would end like that. Her ex made her impossible to have a new relationship she always searches for the "proof" all men treat her bad. Don't let your man make her like that
>>708136038
>worst breakup
I would breakup sooner, so it wouldnt be so hard/bad
>>708124997
If he is too stubborn to sit down and talk to find a solution, then leave him. His political views shouldn't be more important than the respect he has for you and the relationship, if it is, then you know the answer. Takes two to relationship. Seriously isn't worth it if you're the only one trying.
It does sound like he is unhappy about something though, maybe hes depressed. Either way you need to talk to him and make it clear it's not acceptable to behave that way. If that doesn't work its a lost cause.
unrelated post
his political views are right and yours are wrong
ok, carry on with the topic
>>708128304
B8.
>>708124997
If the relationship makes you feel shitty then you end it, otherwise your putting your feelings into the hands of someone else. You'll find someone else or he'll come crawling back apoligising for being a dick, problem solved.
I thought the same when me and only gf (of 5 years) broke up, sure I was miserable and it was shit for the two years but now I'm actually happier on my own, you can fuck who you want, do what you want. I've rejected a few girls who wanted relationships I enjoy it so much. Not for any vulgar reasons especially, more that it's peaceful being the creator of your own happiness for once.
Life's what you make of it man, smoke a bowl and don't get bogged down
>>708136038
>>708135946
>>708129607
>>708131359
so this was me. what i describt in the first two posts is actually my worst fear.
I am a father of 2, in mid 20s so about your age and married to the mother of those two.
We are together for 5.5 years now. We went through some really crazy fights. Violence included, as she has an anger problem and gets aggressive really fast, was in therapy for that so it got better. And i am really bad at deescalating because i have to be right, or be PROVEN wrong. Which is not that easy if it goes into emotional business or places where there is not a defined right or wrong (unlike maths and stuff).
We tried counseling - stupidest shit ever. really. waste of time and money. "uh youve got some serious problems. how about you just deescalate" went to about 3 different counselors. didnt work.
>cont.
>>708137006
I appreciate the advice thank you.
>>708128304
>honestly believing this advise is helpful.
Kill yourself.
OP. You are going to be stuck in this cycle forever unless you end it. The problem isn't what the topic or issue is, the problem is his personality and that isnt going to change. Something will happen again, even if you fix it this time around.
Being lonely sucks, it really does, but giving your time and self to a person that that isnt capable of making a positive change for you is even worse. Also, you're a woman, you literally have like 10 people that have been waiting in the woodwork of your life to tell you they have always loved you and want to be with you.
>>708137312
Man crazy ones are the best and the worst. Got bottled by a crazy bipolar gf once, she then had an anxiety attack after realising what she did and fainted. She then somehow got medical attention before me too...I miss youth
>>708124997
wow so much anger from this community of thirsty neckbirds lol
just ignore all of the haters OP, they are all insecure little boys that don't know how to talk to a woman.
Do me a favor and reject all of the adds that you are receiving now because honestly, it's most likely not going to end well, they will harass you and bully you but I won't let that happen.
Add me on skype (hitman90001)
you can use my shoulder to cry on or we can just talk about life heh.. :P
muah xoxoxoxo
>>708137840
kek
>>708137312
i forgot, i love provoking people in every kind. I never fear discussion nor escalation. so that is kind of a bad place to start off.
pair that with a newborn child, two fresh parents both studying for their respective degrees, with very little income just passing by.
little spoiler: we made it through and everything works better now.
we had VERY different upbringings too and therefor we often are not on the same page when it comes to how we raise our kids.
we found out that certain topics are just trigger topics for either of us. for me it is money and how it is spent. both of us can get very loud very fast.
so about 18 months ago i found out that i can stop her getting agressive (and therefore stop me from escalating the situation) by simply telling her: "if you want to talk to me do it calmly or i won't respond"
for us, this works miracles. now full on ragemode fights with stuff going flying are just disputes, where everytime someone raises their voices the other just says "disucssion is over if you insult me / get loud"
>>708124997
>every liberal ever
>>708124997
he should listen to you. Did you make my sandwich yet, bitch?
>>708137632
she was in no way bipolar despite the fear of letting people near she was the sanest woman I ever met. No mood swings and the one fight she started with me was because she thought I was shitting with her because she thought I was shitting with her. She apologized later. She never was disrespectful. Her approach to relationships is unhealthy but she was in no way bipolar. Just very afraid. I know bipolar women wrong diagnosis for her
>>708137422
There's a whole world out there, this guy might be the one you regret leaving forever and blahblahblah, of course that could be the case. Although there is also a good chance that there are huge numbers of guys out there who will make you much happier. Good luck anyway girly, guys who get that arrogant and aggressive about things, especially politics, are normally daft cunts anyway in my experience.
>>708124997
I was with a girl for 6 years. We started dating when i was 17 and she was 15. Even though we were still young when we broke up, it was the best decision I have ever made.
I was miserable with her. I didn't realize I was because I was so scared of not finding anyone better. She treated me, and really everyone else in her life, like shit and only cared about herself. She was selfish, deceitful, untrustworthy...basically everything that makes a shitty partner.
Eventually I realized that my self respect wasn't worth sacrificing any longer and I broke up with her.
I spent the next 5 or so years wishing I hadn't. I missed her so much and I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I was lonely and I had lost all of my self worth and just felt like a piece of shit.
Now I'm dating an amazing girl who cares about me, actually goes out of her way to make me happy, surprises me and makes me feel like I'm the only guy in the world.
My point is that it's going to be difficult, but if you're not happy, you're not happy. You can't spend the rest of your life with someone like that. Find someone that will treat you like you treat them. That's by far the best advice I have ever been given. Don't settle until you've found someone like that.
>>708124997
If the main problem with your relationship is the other person has to change for it to work, it'll never work. I've been down that road more times than I can count.
>>708137998
I think im going to try that. But i truly wish we could talk about anything.
>>708137840
reddit summed up
>>708124997
Dump him, he's a prick
>>708128304
Whiney pussies who get cucked stay in shitty relationships because they don't have the balls to be independent and go out on their own
>>708137998
so during these early fights "hurr durr i'm leaving you for good etc etc" was thrown around very often. and very very hurtful things were said, going right for the weak spot. me often being verbally abusive, her responding with physical abuse. btw: neither drugs nor alcohol was involved neither of us drinks any alcohol nor does drugs. so we are just plain sober idiots.
when i complained to my best friend about all those situations and i really thought about leaving her: keep in mind we have every contract we have written on both of our names, AND we have a child.
he simply said "i wouldve been gone long time - both having signed for everything is just a lousy excuse"
a colleague of mine who recently got divorced after about 15 years of marriage said the same thing, and he really had to fight during the divorce.
so after this conversation which did not only happen once, i often thought what i wanted. and i for myself came to the conclusion:
"i dont love her anymore, at least not the way i did during our first years. BUT i really like the comfort our routine provides and i really fear the unexpected future." for me that was when i realized i wanted to keep that. and her.
>>708124997
your first mistake was only experiencing one relationship for so long and at such a young age. get out and see what other people are like, life is way to fucking diverse to just pick one human and say "well this is it"
people grow and change, it's inevitable. if you're lucky you pick someone who grows and changes in the same way that you do. your case is obviously different and you need to find the guy that fits the adult you, cause they guy that was right for teen you is no longer the right guy.
>>708138716
"i dont love her anymore, at least not the way i did during our first years. BUT i really like the comfort our routine provides and i really fear the unexpected future."
This is my situation in a nutshell. Change is frightening.
>>708124997
>>708124997
must be fat otherwise you'd leave. The correct answer is:
Jenny Craig
>>708137840
>Gave me a good kekkle, nice job.
>>708128304
This is the most bullshit logic that there is.
Relationships are defined by growth, men don't mature until their mid to late twenties. You take 2 people and tell them in the MOST IMPORTANT part of their lives where they grow the MOST, that this is absolutely what they should be doing and it is perfect and they should expect to force themselves to fit together because of TIME.
Bull-fucking-shit. You don't know a goddamn thing about relationships. Do you know what Sunk-Cost is? What that fallacy is about?
Time has nothing to do with a relationship. At all. Look at who you both are as people. You've both evolved, but pushing into your early thirties you should both be approaching the kind of person you are going to be for the rest of your life.
Opinions become more stagnant and less fluid as you both become more confident in yourselves. Careers will get in the way at this point, or lack thereof will just as powerfully.
You or your partner will start to lose the abundant freedom of youth and look for concrete beliefs and goals to stake your worth in.
Look at who you both are - REALISTICALLY look, don't fool yourself with this we've been together for X years shit, it means nothing - and then see if you still make sense.
Ask yourself if you are happier than you are not. Ask yourself if you are part of the problem. Ask yourself in what ways you have both changed. Changes in personal fitness matter, but so do ideology and goals.
Relationships will get hard by their nature, but don't stick with it just because you're scared. That's a cowards answer. If you are smart, if you take care of yourself physically, you will find someone else.
If you are a lazy, ignorant slob, then welcome to your garbage life of shit options staying with someone you desperately hope won't leave you.
Look up the sunk-cost or sunk time fallacy. Understand that a mistake compounded is still a mistake. You don't double down.
>>708139366
The most time-consuming, rage-filled response to b8 I have ever seen
>>708139366
>>708133337
close
>>708133333
>>708139519
It was mostly supposed to be advice for OP, but yes, I am a faggot regardless.
>>708139366
TL;DR
You're a faggot for having different advice for OP as I do.
>>708129851
Sounds like your boyfriend got redpilled and you are the stubborn one.
He is the one who actually listened to other people and changed his opnion. I think you are just hyper sensitive and thick skulled so you push him to that point.
Tbh I wouldn't want to be with somebody who pushed me to that point eithier you sound like you just go with what is socially acceptable by society and lack the ability to think for yourself and open yourself up to other opnions.
If you leave him he would be better off
>>708138716
as hard as i knew it was for her (i most of the time am completely rational and very distant, she is a clingy emotional type) i went and told her what i discovered:
"i dont know if i love you anymore, but i like the comfort you provide and i cannot think of a future without our routines"
well she didnt take it lightly but it made things easier to work out. Today i think i love her again (if i ever stopped, still not the same as in the beginning but you know...)
what is funny, although we both have nearly the same political opinions (hers being more radical than mine strangely) we almost never argue about politics but when it could it result in a fight. so we just dont do it.
sometimes there are things you cant change. and you pretty much have to accept that.
as stupid as it sounds, think about what you want, keep in mind contracts and belongings can be split amongst the two of you so that is really just a lousy excuse. if you want the "false" stability (as some call it) that is totally fine. but be aware of that. and go ahead and tell him. be as straight up as you can be. even if you purposely hurt his or your feelings. it will feel different after speaking out. BUT be rational, If you start crying from the beginning, you most likely are doomed because you will miss your points completely. I, although almost never crying, made a list to work through all the points. and i wanted her to just listen and not respond or justify herself. everytime she wanted i made clear that this is my time to talk. and we could discuss this AFTERWARDS.
>>708139861
>>708139366
All very true
>>708129851
Your boyfriend is a lunatic retard. Since you haven't left him yet and can't see that he is out of his fucking mind, you are probably equally retarded. you also probably have a shit job going nowhere.
Bail and get your life together you waste.
>>708127869
I agree with this man as well
>>708139861
I like you
Let him hit you once and all that tension he is holding will go away youll se
>>708141063
I swear to god if that ever were to happen all reluctance would vanish and id be out.
Is OP still here?
>>708139861
I dont think the purpose of conversation with your SO should ever be to literally change their opinion. Admittedly i am hyper sensitive about it now. I just wish i felt like he gave a fuck about my perspective and then id possibly be a lot more receptive.
>>708141413
Unfortunately
>>708124997
I would never date a liberal.I've only fucked a couple because they are easy.
>>708141478
Why? You got plenty of advice, nobody will offer anything different now
>>708141478
Even amid all the trolls, you've been given the advice you need. If you can't make a decision still, you're a huge pussy who isn't willing to make the hard decisions.
>>708141900
>>708141841
Im actually rereading the advice ive been given and processing the information. Checking back to see if anyone says something new. This is a huge life decision that requires great contemplation and i dont take for granted the input ive received. Wish me luck, guys.
>>708141841
>>708141478
Flip a coin. Surprisingly good way of deciding what to do, you either go along with the coin verdict if you're completely neutral (you won't be) or mid-flip you realise what outcome you want and just do that.
>>708142298
>>708142153
Or just take acid, sone epiphanies on that shit man
>>708141431
You are lacking the entire point which goes to prove exactly what I said.
You are thick skulled.
People are going to disagree about things wether that be you parents, your friends, your boyfriend. Literally anybody.
When people disagree about things they have a discussion with each other and bring up arguements to support thier side of the conversation. This is how people learn and prosper as human beings. This is how problems get solved in the real actual world.
For some reason you choose to take this process personally (probably because you are hyper sensitive and insecure while also unable to effectivelly defend your position)
Infact it wouldn't surprise me if you were taking this post personally and becomming irritated just by reading something that disagrees with the way you feel.
You let emotions cloud your judgement and people who do that are incredibly difficult to be around when you and trying to get shit done.
You need to mature as a person and be okay with alternative opnions. If you disagree with someone tell them why.
Don't just get pissed like a child and try to turn a debate of the minds into a war of emotions.
People are most certainly aloud to try to attempt thier friends or parents or a strangers or a significant others mind. Thats how people come to agreements about disagreements.
Your entire last post shows how immature you are as a person and I'm very willing to bet you are the problem not him.
>>708141478
if shit hits the fan you can live without him. And you should if you know what's good for you. I've seen many guys around me who clinged to their gfs because "al women are crazy" and it took them forever to even get a shitty one and they got broken up with and then they noticed they felt lonely but at ease because the source of their problems was gone
>>708142593
Despite what your parents taught you, yelling and swearing at somebody is not discussing disagreements.
>>708142593
Isn't it relationship 101 that you don't try to change someone?
Interesting. These threads always want me to talk to the OPs. I mean, I have no clue, OP could be a faggot, and it "might" be the case that I'm just procrastinating and try to keep myself from studying, but sometimes it depressss me that 4chan is such a short lived place.
OP, if you're happy, stay together, if you're not, try to fix the problems. Try not to get into discussions. If he forces them on you, just swallow your pride and agree. I mean it's crap, especially in a relationship, but sometimes it's just not worth it.
Maybe it's just a phase and it will go by (most likely).
Although as a german, holocaust denying is literally retarded and I would instantly dump that retard.
You can have stupid political opinions, or you can be totally retarded. Never go full retard.
>>708141431
>>708139905
we worked so much out between us, and i often times find myself ina situation where i "dont give a fuck about her perspective". And same goes with her. BUT we developed our system where we are just completely straight up with such stuff. And since we really like being together no one gets mad if one says "yo all that bs you just told me is fine. but i dont give a fuck about it. we better just stop talking about it, or ill get mad."
not the best way but it works for us. BUT IF there is a topic that is really important to one of us. We would announce it beforehand, so the other knows that first of all this could escalate (and simply knowing that something is really important to someone lets you overthink your own position and reevaluate if it is really that important to you).
i really dont understand what is so important in politics to screw a relationship over. if a little thing like personal beliefs bothers you so much and "how he has changed, hurr durr we were hippies and now hes a /pol/nazi" idk perhaps really you are the problem.
three examples from our life:
- i dont give a fuck about her stories of other moms and families and their kids. but i try to listen. i dont respond. it really bores me. if i respond because some mother does something with their child i absolutely disagree with, but she likes her - this could result in a fight, so i keep my mouth shut because in the end it doesnt really matter.
- i tell her about idk some esport i just watched which really got me excited. she listens. she hates esports. she hates those "players" thinking it is a immature thing to play videogames all day. but most of the time she keeps her mouth shut and just listens.
- birthday for our child is coming up: presents time. and this is really fight potential: she wants to give her everything - i think she has more toys she could ever play with. plus i set a budget. so we define the points that are REALLY important to us. and discuss these. >cont.
Fucking kill yourself.
>>708142748
>>708142931
My point is she probably drive her boyfriend to that point.
Youa re only getting a one sided anonymous story from a girl on a place known to have beta orbitors that will defend any womens position on any subject regardless of how dumb it is.
Way to look at the situation objectively.
>>708142931
As for you, people change in relationships and thats okay. Trying to let someone else understand an alternative point of view is not forcibly changing them. It is common for two people to have alternative points of view.
Strawmanning the entire concept of the two down to "he is just trying to change her what a dick" is ridiculously oversimplified and immature for how to handle serious life long critical decisions.
I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone who did things like that. I'm sure you would too
>>708143151
Its not that we have differing views. Its how they are expressed that i find to be unhealthy.
>>708143083
of course you are German. swallowing your pride and agreeing is so much what German men do
>>708143383
Most people would see it as shouting at someone and refusing to acknowledge their opinion is not inspiring growth, that is trying to force them to change. If they gave a shit about growth they would realise the other partner's opinion is just as important as theirs in their own 'growth'. Besides anyone who shows such disregard for your opinion isn't worth being in a relationship with anyway
>>708143724
Lol :D im the exact opposite of a guy who swallows his pride.
I'm an intelligent ass, who can be fucking childish just to get his will or to convince others. The probelm is, I'm right 80% of the time in heated discussions. In thr 20% when I'm not, I'm turning the discussion to something else.
I think I'm so bad at swallowing my pride I'm basically a walking gag reflex.
Not that this is something good.
But he obviously went full retard and you can't argue with full retard.
Either dump him or swalloe your pride.
I stated what I would do.
>>708143151
- ....discuss these one point at a time, over the course of a week or so. it really takes a lot of time. but for us it works. since we too are pretty stubborn and both of us think "if you make a compromise both parties lose".
>>708143083
yo mate i'm german too, so i got to know people that denied the holocaust, which were super nice people if you didnt talk about politics with them. same goes with antifacists, i got to know people that threw stones and burned barricades at some demonstrations. Again stupidly repellent political ideas and concepts, but really nice people in private. And the funniest thing: we set at campfire together, those leftist extremists, and the "hitler did nothing wrong" guys, and you know what? if the topic came up, since everyone knew their stances, and knew this was conflict potential, someone just said "nah not today lets not talk about it" and all of them got along super fine, drank their beer and we did this very often. i have to add most of them knew eachother since childhood. but they got along as people.
>>708143898
>sometimes in ends in him yelling / swearing at me
Well that depends on what she did. Did she swear and yell as well?
Did she act like a child and try to gas-light her boyfriend fir disagreeing with her.
You are only considering one side of the problem and for some reason believe this girl is 10000% innocent of amy of her own faults.
It takes two people too fight.
>>708124997
Women aren't human and neither are gays so anyone with a boyfriend doesn't deserve advice.
>>708144351
Oh I'm not saying you're wrong about people not taking it with a pinch of salt, I'm just saying that just disregarding their opinion and shouting yours at them smacks of trying to force them to see your view, not very two sided. Otherwise you're right, could be some shit she ain't told us but we'll never know if there is or not
>>708124997
US politics trigger all of us, thats why were here.
>>708144219
Sure. You can be a friendly retard, but you are still a retard.
This goes for both sides of the extremist spectrum.
I had some buddies who were hardcore leftists too, they were nice guys and all. As were some right wing guys I got to know.
Although none of them denied the holocaust. I mean sorry, but that's like denying gravity. Or evolution. You have to have some form of brain damage to think that.
Not that I can't talk to people with brain damage, but it's not I would chose to do.
And fucking or living with one I wouldn't do either. (well as a guy, sure I would fuck a hot extremist. But nothing more)
>>708124997
Tick, tock.
>>708144657
Bro you would be absolutely crazy to believe that any serious relationship does not at some point involve cursing and yelling.
We are human. We get emotional. It happens. I've done it. You've done it. We have all done it.
I just don't believe this girl is telling the whole story and let me tell you why.
She went onto an anonymous website /b/ of all places where a bunch of desperate faggots will surey defend her regardless of the issue and is taking advice from these people in a setting where her boyfriend has no opportunity to defend himself. This is the exact same thing as girls going to thier friends "the girl pack" or that desperate guy who wants to fuck her so bad and complaining about her boyfriend. She obviously has a problem taking advice from other people and I wonder why that is? Maybe somebody in her own life would disagree with her?
Seems like she really does have a problem with being disagreed with.
Draw the lines friend.
Do you think if a guy came to this thread and said the same thing about his girlfriend that he would be getting the same advice this girl is?
No. fucking. Way.
Ok OP, let me save your relationship. Next time you both argue about politics, you argue a bit and then you agree.
Then you do sexy time either directly or later. Let him do anal. The moment he begins to put his dick into him, tell him:
>holocaust is real, jetfuel can't melt steelbeams
Profit.
>>708145519
It's not the cursing and the yelling....it's the disrespect. Obviously arguments happen but there is a difference between arguing and then just completely disrespecting them by disregarding their opinion. If I argue with someone I always let them have their turn to talk and express their side of it, not just bellow over them when they try to talk so they can't get a word in edgeways. That's not an argument that's control. It's a cunt move to do that and it's why people who do that are seen as pricks.
I'm going bed anyway, good luck OP whatever you do
This seems easy enough to solve. If it's a phase, it means its going to end eventually, so end it faster. Find him a new interest to obsess over, and make sure he knows how his aggressive opinions are hurting you. If he actually gives a shit about you, he'll make an effort to change. If not, leave him
>>708146719
Strawman arguement.
Nobody ever said he does anything but yell and curse at her and we don't even know what led up to that or if she is over exaggerating. You just created an entirely new situation to fit your own arguement amd completely missed my point in the process.
We only have one side of the story.
Her boyfriend is unable to defend himself here.
She is a girl on 4chan asking for advice
On 4 chan
Relationship advice
On 4 chan
Is a girl
On 4chan
there I simplified things for you so you can hopfully draw the lines yourself.
To sum things up
I don't believe her and I think she is just looking for one sided advice whoch goes to prove she can't handle people who have differing opnions then her whoch goes to prove she is probably the problem not the boyfriend.
I'll be awaiting your next strawman arguement my man.
>>708147647
I'm talking about anyone shouting over anyone, about social politeness as a general sense you fucking mongoloid. You pretty much said shouting over someone is cool , I said, in a broad sense, that it isn't Go back and read it, if you couldn't gather that from the wording I was using then you are a cretin, good try acting all high and mighty though, really paid off. Muppet.
>>708147647
Man you're a dumbass, I'm leaving this before you cause me to have a stroke from having to listen to you, better luck next time fag
>>708148418
And yet another straw man arguement.
A little bit of ad hom in thier too eh?
Seems like I really struck a nerve.
You wouldn't happen to be OP would you because that would make a lot of sense.
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>>708129851
sounds like your boyfriend found/pol/
should listen to him though, he's right
and wether holocaust happened or not, it doesnt matter so just let that one chill
but immigration etc he's alright
>>708148617
If you can find in any of my responses, a direct reference to OP and her story, and not just discussing the fact shouting over someone in an argument and not letting them have their say is a cunt move and disrespectful in a general sense, in all general couples, I'll concede.
>>708148418
Way to contradict yourself in the same sentence bro.
>>708149580
Then why did you do it in your own post?
>>708149609
>>708149699
How am I? My sole point is that shouting over someone in an argument and not letting them share their opinion, especially in a relationship, is pretty much trying to force them to change. Where is the contradiction?
It's this guy going on about other shit in OP's post, not once have I actually argued about anything directly in OP's post
>>708124997
Oldfag here, ditch that chump. Co-dependency is a shit foundation for a lasting relationship and it sounds like you only stay out of fear of loneliness.
You deserve happiness and respect too and he's not willing, move on.
>>708129851
He's nuts, that shit will only get worse with age. EJECT!
>>708150113
Because you cursed at me and ignored my point.
You are are the ultimate hypocrite.
I am arguing OP's post because thats what this thread is about. Arguing anything else to prove your point is not only off topic but a strawman arguement as it does not fit this specific situation.
>>708150113
The other guy is just arguing about OP's story, and saying how we don't know how she was acting, one side of the story, blahblah, I haven't even refuted this once. All I'm saying is an argument isn't just shouting over someone and ignoring their viewpoint, that's you being a cunt. Not once have I disagreed with the 'one side of the story'
>>708128875
I'm about 45 and I found a new GF a few weeks ago. I've not had a serious GF for 3 years, I shrugged my shoulders and did good things. Karma does seem to work. My new GF is cute, wonderful, clever etc she even laughs at most of my jokes.
You'll find more BF's.
>>708150670
How have I ignored your point? The only thing I was originally discussing was that not letting someone have their say in an argument is just rude and not part of a healthy relationship IN GENERAL. Off topic maybe but you were the one who brought up the point saying it was normal so you were the one who brought up the topic. And how am I a hypocrite? I've said multiple times you were right about not knowing the other side of the story, go check my first post
>>708150783
Nobody said he shouts over her.
You made that up.
Nobody is ignoring a view point they are sharing thier political opnion.
If you don't dissagree with the one side of the story then why are you making up his side of the story?
The straw man is real with this one
>>708151330
Jesus I really hope you are OP because you are insufferable. I would probably yell at you as well.
You are so off topic it hurts.
I can't even have a coversation with you now without linking several posts and typing paragraphs of information citing what you and I said.
You are trying to win on technicalities rather than the actual subject of the conversation.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm breaking up with you
>>708127958
Hey newfag! That only applies for attention whores
>>708151469
>unless i pretend to agree with him the conversation becomes an oppurtunity for him to try to convince me
>cuts me off and doesnt seem to understand i naturally will have my own viewpoint
>i feel disrespected every single time
>sometimes it ends in him yelling and swearing at me
Yeah... got to awkwardly hold my hands up there after embarrassing myself quite a bit. Re-read OP's post and I must have originally mixed up a few of the lines when I skimmed through at the start ages ago, only mentions cutting her off and mentions shouting later... Bit of a nugget move should have re-read ages ago, my bad for carrying this stupidity out far longer than necessary
>>708151834
>>708152864
Yeah sorry to you too chief, bottom-dweller retard levels there without even reading OP's post again, self-enforced ban from the internet for the night I think.
>>708152864
Thanks man I appreciate you owning up.
Very mature of you not something I usually see on 4chan.
Had what you said been true and I had evidence that it was true I would have agreed with you.
>>708153174
People should always own up, I myself am well versed in owning up to being a fuck-stick. Plus I felt you deserved the satisfaction of being right haha.
>>708134227
>in a relationship for 9 years
Clearly you're a girl, gay relationships don't last 9 years.
>>708128875
just go for a holiday. riding or hiking or something that gets you "offline" for atleest sometime preferly a 2-7 days. use the time to consentrate on each other.
>>708153829
KEKKKKK
>>708153818
All good bro.
>>708129851
just tell him to keep the holocaost thing too himself and that he must never bring it uparound you or anyone.
on immigration you should not shut down discussiun just keep it civil
>>708153829
Faggot here, can confirm.
>>708155251
I appreciate cool fags like you
