I know a lot of people joke around on here about killing themselves, but I'm seriously considering it tonight. I've been fantasizing about it for years, and I think I'm at the end of my rope... wow, that wasn't intended... I've been drinking, my wife just went to bed and I really feel like I'm going to do it. I have some cord in the basement and I can rig it up and do it and that would be it. Can anyone convince me not to do it? I really don't know what to think anymore. I'm afraid that my son will never forgive me, but I just can't imagine living for one more day. If I decide to go through with it, I want to thank all of you tards for the laughs over the years. I'm going to drink some more and then do the deed. Whatever. Fuck it.
>>707128674
What is your reason for wanting to die?
Can you see a doctor, get some drugs? Might help, might not. Might as well try that first. Death is permanent.
>>707128883
I think I'm really going to. I've had a note written up for a couple of weeks explaining to my son that this has nothing to do with him, but that I'm just ready to die. I mean, what's the point of living anyways? I'm going to die someday. Why not tonight. Fuck it...right?
Please don't. It actually, really can get better, and stay that way. It takes time and work but it's possible to enjoy life again. I promise it's true. I really hope you reconsider.
Know what I would do instead? Move to another state alone fuck a medium priced hooker, dust yourself off and start again.
>wife
>son
you have two things people kill themselves for not having... you obviously don't care about anyone but yourself.
>>707128674
At least take out a life insurance policy on yourself before you kill yourself you douche. Do that today and then kill yourself in like a year or so so they'll pay the money. Or better yet, don't do it because you have a wife and son.
>>707129000
I'm not sure... I'm just ready to. I'm just tired of living. I'm tired of the bullshit that's expected everyday. I'm not depressed. I've got a great life actually... I just don't want to be alive anymore. My family is covered by my insurance in case of suicide, I made sure of that. I just can't live for one more day. I don't know why.
I keep a note and bottle of pills ready at my bedside for when it eventually all falls apart. A lot of times I feel like a huge pussy for not going through with it yet but I mean why not go a little longer?
>>707128674
Do it
>>707129267
Have you tried therapy? It can help. You can also try changing things in your life. New job, new passions, interests, etc.
>>707129328
I think it's the opposite. Takes more bravery to resist it.
>>707129267
you are depressed if you are considering suicide
>>707128674
Can you tell me who the chick is before you off yourself? Also, you're gonna get there one way they other. Kick back and see what life throws at you. It's always gonna have its ups and downs.
>>707129221
I do care about them, but I don't think it would be better for them if I was alive. They are or were the only thing holding me back, but I think it would be okay if I was gone. I've been reading a lot about the surviving family members of someone who committed suicide, and they always seem to recover and see it as a blessing. My son is too young to really understand anything for a long time. It's like he wouldn't even know that I existed.
>>707128674
Quit being an attention whore and fucking do it already.
>>707129378
Idiot
>>707129506
I'm actually not depressed. I'm very happy. I have a good job, a great wife, a beautiful son and no feelings of sadness. But I do have a longing to die. It's not because I'm sad or melancholy, it's more like an unquenchable desire to be resting. I'm just ready to die.
>>707128674
post more of this whore.
>>707129558
Sorry, no idea... I've saved that pic from years ago. I've been kicking back for a while... my desire to die grows every day.
>>707129625
Not at all true. You're trying subconsciously to rationalize it.
>>707129845
Clinically speaking, thoughts of suicide are the major sign of depression. You have legitimate mental illness believe it or not.
>>707129267
Do yourself a favor and stay alive so in 20 years you can look back at today and see what an idiot you were being.
>>707129891
Well, here's some more short haired titties for you.
>>707129267
At least die for a cause you idiot. Throwing away a wife and son because "I dunno" is stupid.
I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be empathetic and junk to perhaps convince you not to off yourself, but this pisses me off.
Do you know how fucking lucky you are?
I've spent the better part of 4 years looking into the abyss, slowly working my way out of crazy anxiety and stress, just to perhaps be able to get what you have.
I can respect when someone has gotten to far and decides enough is enough, but you don't even have a fucking reason to leave behind the two people who love you the most?
You just feel like it?
Fuck you, don't you fucking dare do it you bastard.
Drink yourself stupid and go to bed, then first thing in the morning go get some motherfucking help.
FUCK!
>>707129625
i still don't understand how that is justification to put your wife through. like, i have thoughts about death all the time and i have to just throw my mind away and do something productive. it makes no sense to me that you'd off yourself because we're going to die anyways. knowing that only empowers me to do more in life.
>>707130045
short hair is my fetish lol ty
>>707129845
If your going to then you should tell them first so they don't find you. Imagine if your son found you. Permanent damage to his emotional psyche. Suicide is very selfish, but it seems your doing it out of some desire. Do you not enjoy anything in life to overcome your urge?
>>707130113
Here you go.
>>707128674
Question for you anon, why do you feel lack you have no control of your life other than suicide?
>>707130008
Depression isn't always sadness. Sometimes it's apathy. You should see a psychiatrist.
>>707130141
He's only 8 months old, so he wouldn't find me. I play Hearthstone, but that's getting old. I'm just losing interest in everything that I once found enjoyable. I'm happy most days, but I keep getting this overwhelming feeling that I'm suppose to be gone. I've considered just running away from this life, but then I'd keep feeling this way.
>>707129558
>Can you tell me who the chick is before you off yourself?
British glamour model Mellisa Clarke.
>>707130215
I don't know. I guess I feel like I've thought about it so much, it just seems like the natural next step. I'll be turning 30 this December and I feel like I've done everything of value that I can. Forever sleeping sounds so amazing. Just being free of existence... I desire it so much.
Hes not going to fucking do it. he's probably just trying to talk about it because he's considering it.
Normally I'd scroll past this shit, but as someone who has been on suicide watch 3 separate times, if you wanted to do it, you would do it.
If you are autistic enough to think suicidal thoughts are not a problem, go to a psych clinic and talk it over with a therapist at least, then go on some antidepressants that you obviously need, and will probably be prescribed, and keep your family whole, you will look back on this as a hiccup and learn. Quit being a fuckin retard and get help, mental health issues are serious.
Or you'll kek all all the newfags who think you're actually gonna do it, more likely since you even posted. Like I said, when I tried, I just went for it, no bitch post or sad little fag note so someone could stop me
>>707130528
why not try something new?
learning new subjects is something that i see a lot of elder people doing because it's something to do. for example, i knew a guy in my networking class that solely did it because he wanted to understand how it worked and he enjoyed new challenging material.
>>707130816
I'm planning on doing it, it's just not easy I guess. I wanted to talk to someone before just fucking killing myself. If these are my last moments, that's fine with me. At least I'm not alone. I don't feel like therapy would help. My wife has had therapy and it seemed like bullshit. It helped her, but she had basically no issues at all.
>>707128674
Op... U just need the right meds. Don't leave the kiddo...u will fuck him up. See a dr. plz. My wife feels that way to sometimes.... Her meds help.
>>707130113
>>707130060
I've done that so many times and felt the same way the next day... how is that a solution. Like I've said, I've been contemplating this for years.
>>707130919
Like what? I try new things all the time. It doesn't change the way I feel. I play video games, they relieve some desire... I don't know... most of them suck nowadays. But if video games are the only thing between me and death, fuck it.
Yeah, OP, listen up please. I feel the same way, like I'm not exactly...depressed, and I have a fairly easy life, a nice one, my parents are wonderful, but sometimes fading to the black seems easiest, and frankly, quite nice. But just wait till tomorrow, think it through for a while longer, and maybe talk to someone, if it doesn't help, go through with it, I personally, wouldn't hold it against you, you're doing all the things to make sure your family is well off and that's the least selfish thing anyone has done in my opinion when it comes to suicide.
>>707128674
It sounds like clinical depression.
Its treatable, OP.
>>707131273
Did you just do the get drunk part, or did you also go find help?
Because if you only did the get drunk part, no shit it doesn't work.
Now if you're actually willing to put a bit of effort into not abandoning your family, look into cognitive based psychology and mindfulness meditation.
Try those things out and I mean seriously try it.
>>707131573
Thanks... you sound like me. I had a great life growing up. Parents were loving. I never had any drama or issues. 4th in my class in high school, graduated college with an art degree, have a steady job (and a side job that pays well), my son is beautiful, my wife is amazing...but, I just need to die. I can't even explain why I feel this way. I just think about it all the time. I sometimes imagine that I'm dead when I'm sleeping. Maybe I'll hold off on things tonight... I truly love my son soooo much. I want to be with him longer... but it's so fucking hard.
>>707131921
Fucking meds man..... U need them. Please get them.
>>707131921
>>707132111
I concur, this might be a hormonal thing screwing you over, have you ever talked to a doctor about this?
>>707132111
I've actually tried anti-anxiety pills, but they just made me fucking rage. Like seriously...I have a ton of patience, but I totally fucking lost it. My doctor even forgot why I was taking meds and that really pissed me off. Needless to say, I'm not on them anymore.
>>707128674
youre not alone. youre never alone. dont let life beat you like this. stand up and fight. every day you live is a day you kick life's ass. youre already winning brother, so keep winning.
>>707132294
My doctor even accused me of trying my wife's anti-anxiety pills when I suggested trying them myself... he's a fucking asshole. More short haired girl porn...
>>707132294
Get a new doc. Meds will help. I promise. Posted b4. My wife felt the same. Her meds help. U have a kid to worry about. Don't be selfish. Get help.
>>707132318
Thanks. Honestly, I don't WANT to do, I just feel compelled to kill myself. I feel like such a stupid asshole even posting this on here, but I thought you faggots could convince me to try to live one more day. I hate the idea of talking to my doctor or my wife about it. I feel so weird and stupid. I'm just so confused and want this agony to end.
>>707132648
How do I even bring this up with my wife though? I mean, she knows I have some anxiety issues, but this is fucked up, right?? I mean, I'm coming to 4chan for help... I must be retarded!
>>707132294
Forgot... Obviously it's not anxiety... Get a different drug.
don't leave your kid op
you should stream it
>>707132687
Asking for help is a strength not a weakness.
If you don't wanna live for yourself, at least live for your son long enough to find out what it is that is screwing you up.
>>707132820
You're asking us because it is relatively safe. Bringing it up to your wife can be done like this "I feel a compulsion to kill myself and I don't know why, please help."
>>707132866
That's the only reason I'm still here right now.
Look at this, and rethink it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkDFO7WTW4
>>707132820
My wife said she wanted to drive her car into a bridge embankment...with all sincerity. Scared the fuck out of me. Got her to a doc and her meds make it go away. Love her a fuck ton. Just want to help her.
>>707133071
I know I SHOULD do that, but it's so fucking hard. I've always been the strong one who's helped her through issues. If I came to her with such weakness... I don't even know how I could handle it. It would beg so many questions, that I can barely answer. It would create such a hassle. Killing myself would just end the hassle. It would be over with. I don't even know...
>>707129845
That's a medical thing. Your brain is likely not functioning correctly. Please look into medication. There is no shame in receiving treatment for an illness of the brain.
>>707132687
Oh my god, you're such a special fucking snowflake. "I'm so bored of life, I just want to rest". Just get in a car accident, render yourself a vegetable for the rest of your life, and then see if you want to continue being a beta
>>707128674
OP I too feel like this most of the time. For me it's because I'm surrounded by fake friends and I have no real social life where I can share my thoughts, opinions and express my emotions freely. I hope this somehow because I didn't have close friends who talked me through it so I had to battle it on my own. Luckily I have a great brother with who I could share these feelings so do try and talk about it with whoever you can OP, even if it's a psychiatrist or a therapists or one of the sorts who can help you professionally. I think when you wake up in the morning after not doing it you will thank yourself because such a quick decision IS NOT always what you truly want.
You don't always know what's best for you. Especially when you turn the chances of it getting better to 0.
>>707133429
And create a huge fucking hassle for everyone else.... Don't be selfish.
>>707133445
Oh no such special wiring required for this one
>>707133507
Honestly, you're just a loser. Make some lifestyle changes
>>707128674
If you're gonna go. Go doing something people will remember. Its why I plan to crash my plane into something expensive when I die
>>707128674
Read this op
>>707133429
Showing her that weakness, will let her know exactly how much you love her and want to stay.
Stoicism is good in some situations, but not when it fucking kills you.
You're a couple, you're supposed to have each others backs. She's an adult as well, I know because you made a kid with her.
Take it one begged question at a time and get through this with her. In the end this will strengthen both of you. It would only you hassle and start hers, what is she gonna do if you don't even give her the chance to help you?
Just stand around with an 8 month old child, utterly crushed by you absence?
>>707133799
That actually sums up maybe why I want to die. Life is so good right now, that I don't want it to change. I don't want anything to happen to my wife, or son or my cats. I can't even imagine dealing with my parents' death. My mom has cancer... If I die now, I'll be dying in the prime of existence. I can truly say that my life was as good as it could get.
>>707134104
only end your*
>>707134104
I know this... I just need to fucking hear it. While I've always seemed to be the strong one, she's probably been the stronger one all along. I'm just confused and suicide feels like the answer. I just wouldn't have to worry about any of this shit then... I'm so fucking conflicted.
>>707129267
So your married..
That's greedy man.
Your gonna plunge your wifes life down.
Itso not about you anymore anon. Your married.
Try and at least show a loving attitud towerds her
you gonna leave your son fatherless and your wife a widow? C'mon man you can make eet. Talk to a therapist or some shit. Your son, anon.
Look, if you are serious and not trolling, you have typed out almost every symptom of clinical unipolar depression. Losing interest in activities you normally enjoy, suicidal, unwanted thoughts, feeling of futility.
Dude, quit being such a fucking special snowflake, you aren't special and there are people who have seen this. Go to a psychologist. Fuck therapy if you don't want it. They're gonna make you go, but go get on antidepressants. This has nothing to do with being sad, or depressed, it has to do with feeling normal, and like not dying for instance.
Quit being fucking selfish, I would kill to make it as far as you have. I've been unemployed for 6 months and still can't even get an interview in this shit town. I am on academic suspension because my life went to shit and I couldn't focus on school thanks to my own clinical anxiety and depression, and I'll never be able to front the tuition to get back on their good side. I'm truly fucked, I would even say I fucked myself, and I am not going down the route I would without my medications, because I am thinking clearly and feeling self preservation instincts like a normal human being.
Get help from actual doctors and quit looking for someone to tell you that you are normal and doing the right thing.
>>707134484
Yeah, I'm married. I feel like after a while though, she would understand. I've written an extensive note laying out everything as best I can. I've done a lot of research on the spouses of people who've killed themselves.
>>707134412
Well you have two choices, the easy one and the right one. Use some of that stoicism, to grin and bear it through the night and then spill your beans to your wife tomorrow. You owe yourself, her and your child to at least figure out what is going in your head to make you feel like this.
>>707130791
So you come to /b/ to talk to a bunch of strangers? Don't you have friends or family?
>>707134871
you didnt read the full post, did you?
OP, simular story here. I used to be depressed but I've worked past it. Life is good. But I'm just not feeling it. It's like an apple pie. It's not bad at all but I'm just not craving apple pie. I've been slowly distancing myself from all my family/friends and in a few years I plan to "move away". I couldn't imagine anyone I know finding my body or knowing what happened.. I just want them to think I moved and fell or of touch or cut ties.
It sounds depressing but it's not. I'm just tired of eating this damn pie..
>>707134756
That's not going to comfort her, it's just going to be a lot of empty tripe that she will resent you for rationalizing yourself into suicide through.
>>707134746
I am fucking serious. What you're talking about sounds like so much fucking work. Why go through all of that when I could fucking solve my problem in a few minutes right now in the basement. Not only will I look like an retard in front of my wife for talking about this shit, but I'd be a disgrace to my whole family. Only difference is, if I'm dead, I don't have to deal with the humility.
>>707128674
Who is that though?
>>707134871
I do, but I guess I'm too ashamed to even bring this up with them. I know that they would freak out and do everything to try to save me, but that's exactly the kind of bullshit I don't want to deal with. If that makes sense.
>>707135058
I feel you. That's such a good analogy. Maybe I am depressed or whatever, but I feel like I can't even make it through one more day... Maybe I'm lazy or selfish or some bullshit. I don't know. I just know that its hard to type this and its hard to not just walk down those steps and slide my neck into that cord. I'm not interested in attention. I just wanted an excuse to climb into bed with my wife at least one more time... I think I have it, but its taking everything I have to not just finish this.
Leaving thread, OP is a faggot
One year ago today, I held a gun to my head, one in the chamber. I didn't do it. Obviously. At that point I respected life for what it is. Even the shittiest of days. This is your low /brother. Enjoy the rest.
When your up, its never as good.as it seems, and when your down, you never think you'll be up again. But life moves on.
More porn for you fags... thanks for chatting with me. I guess I needed someone to talk to about this. I think I'm cool for now. I just don't know how I can bring this up with my wife. I'm so fucking ashamed.
>>707135213
You'll only truly be a disgrace if you don't do something about this that isn't your own death.
There is no retardation in getting support from your wife when you feel like this, that's part of what being married is about, supporting each other through bad periods. At least respect her enough to let her make her own choice in whether or not she wants to help you.
If you take this from her, you truly will be a disgrace.
>>707135888
There is no shame in being sick, the only shame is not getting help.
>>707128674
They're not jokes. We're just too much of a pussy to go through with it.
>>707135980
I fucking know that. The fact that I'm even this close to doing it is fucking making it worse. How could I ever leave her or my son. I just don't know how else to handle it. I'm too embarrassed to bring it up. I'm too scared to talk to her about it. I'm less afraid of just dying!
>>707135213
You'll mentally scar whoever finds your body. Family probably won't be able to live in the same house after you suicide because of the memories. Children raised by a single mother are more likely to end up as criminals, and with your suicide trashing your wife's mind that's almost a guarantee she will fuck your kids up somehow. You're dragging down your whole family just to satisfy your selfishness.
>>707134122
Suicidal ideation is generally associated with depression and other mood disorders; however, it seems to have associations with many other mental disorders, life events, and family events, all of which may increase the risk of suicidal ideation.
I found this off wiki. Op please consider getting help.
>>707128674
Don't listen to the fags who tell you not to do it. This is your salvation. Eternal rest. There is no meaning to life, no purpose, life just is. Does a mountain have purpose? Does a tree have meaning? No. They just.. are. And so are you. You just are: there is no meaning, no purpose to your life and ultimately you are insignificant and powerless to stop the inevitability of the truth.
>>707136213
yeah...probably. I don't think I'm too pussy. I have everything ready to go. My wife never goes to the basement, so she'd never find it. It seriously scares me how fucking close I am to doing it. It's calming in a way.
Don't be a pile of shit father. That kid didn't ask to be made and he certainly isn't asking to be raised by a single mother. You should have killed yourself before creating a family. If you're gone who is going to protect your wife and in extension your son? Imagine them getting tortured and you not even being there to help because of your selfishness. I fantasize about suicide every day but I am too scared and now too many people rely on me to allow myself to do it. That being said I admitted myself to an ER and was declared 51/50 so they kept me for observation and it became this huge thing. I was given anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety pills. Afterwards I got a job at target and was pissing myself because I couldn't control my bladder so I had to wear depends. In the end I felt like going to the emergency room was the worst thing for me because talking to doctors or therapists about what's REALLY going on in my mind is way worse and just makes my problems manifest themselves more extremely. That being said I really needed that shitty experience to just understand my place better and to understand that speaking to therapists is the opposite of therapeutic for me. Maybe it'll be good for you.
>everyone thinks about it at least once.
I got drunk and high off hydrocodones. Tried to hang myself in my garage with my dead dogs leash. Was too fucked up and tied the noose backwards. Jumped down the access panel to thd garage's attic and it just came un-done. Busted my ass on the ground. Realized I wanted to live. Now I'm happily married and have a kid.
Sometimes you have to realize there's a lot of shit in life you can change.q
>>707129793
"Idiot" is an anagram for "I do it". It's a sign. Kill yourself OP
>>707136284
Hold on to the need to stay with them, that's your motivation. Just say fuck to embarrassment, you have a job to do, survive.
>>707136554
Meaning is something you imbue life with, it isn't just inherently there. Stop trying to make a single grieving mother out of his family.
>>707136841
It sounds easy... but I actually tried bringing it up to my wife a day or two ago. I just couldn't even get the words out. I think that was the moment where I thought it would be easier to just go through with it.
>>707135396
So people care enough to freak out that you're suicidal? So killing yourself wouldn't freak them out?
A lot of people go through this dude. I was one of them. Once at 21 and again at 31. I got help and I've had a great life...I'm glad I stuck around the last 20 years.
Get some help dude, you've got people that care...and that's something.
>>707137203
Blurt it out like a sperg, write it into a haiku and perform it for her, do something. Don't try to be eloquent about it, just do it. If you can't tell her, go to the ER and tell them, it might be easier to say to strangers(heck that is what you are doing here).
Don't do it, man. Get some help. There are so many things in life worth living for. Maybe you could pursue something new in your life. Please go to therapy or something that can help you.
OP here... I think I've decided to hold off tonight. I'm pretty tired and I'm not sure I'm ready to do it. I just feel like bringing this up with my wife will be so traumatic. I can't imagine what she'd say. I feel like it will be so much work to get back on track. Here's more titties for you all who've been trying to help. I appreciate it. I don't want to fucking kill myself... I don't want to leave my son. But I also do in a way, and that thought haunts me everyday.
>>707137728
I'm holding off, but I don't think I can get help yet. I don't feel capable of doing that. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
If you're gonna do it, use a pistol.
Hanging yourself is extremely painful and takes a long time. Jumping off a bridge or building isn't always fatal. Drowning takes a long ass time and is extremely painful, as well as horrific. Burning yourself alive is the most painful and extended method of suicide. Overdosing is a low chance of success and a very high chance of being sent to a mental hospital.
Don't try that "exit bag" crap unless you're an engineer.
So buy yourself a handgun or shotgun, point it at the side of your head or under your jaw pointed to the center of your head, and you've got a high chance of dying instantly with no pain.
>>707128674
Just shut up, get up, right now, whatever you're doing, and tell your wife. Don't think, ask her for help, you know you need it, and all you need to say is I'm thinking of hurting myself and I need your help.
That's it, very simple, right now. I know it's hard. I've felt the same before, I've gone through this before. But when I thought about it I realized it takes so much less energy to just ask for help than it is to hurt yourself. You have to go out of your way to hurt yourself. Meanwhile you have a wife who loves you and even if she's asleep right now and you wake her up she will help you with this. It takes 10 seconds. Do it. Tell your wife
Right now
What are you waiting for
She's right there
Tell her
NOW
I dare you
It'll take you faster to ask for help than it took me to write this message by 300%, just ask.
>>707138205
I know nothing about guns. Wouldn't even begin to know what to do to acquire one besides going to a sporting store. Hanging it the only way that I can see doing it and I already have it ready to go basically. If I'm going to do it, It will have to be hanging. Thanks for the advice though. I'll consider it down the road.
>>707137829
Telling her will be less traumatic for her than finding you hanging in the basement. I hope you get better anon.
>>707138278
But then, for the rest of my life (depending on how long that is) she won't be able to look at me without thinking that I'm suicidal. And I'll have to feel that way every time I look at her. We'll have to talk about it over and over and I won't even know how to explain it. It's so much work and I don't have it in me... especially not tonight.
Maybe try doing something for other people. Help the poor and sick. People need a reason to keep on living. You just need to find it.
>>707138205
according to some data i've seen this is right. Shotgun to the brain is the quickest and least painful way to go.
>>707137829
You will die eventually anyway and so will your family, and every memory of you will fade. It will be as if you never even existed at all. Don't be such a pussy.
>>707138519
Thanks, I know what you mean. But, as selfish as it is, I wouldn't have to tell with the trauma. Fuck me, I'm such an asshole. I know I shouldn't do it. I'm not going to tonight. I've decided that. But I can't promise anything going forward. I was so fucking close tonight.
>>707138666
Dude you're sick, she can't blame you for being sick. If you manage to talk it over once, get some help and the proper medication, this may well turn into a non-issue. You feel like this is a permanent state, but if you get the proper treatment it isn't.
>>707139145
except there is an afterlife.
>>707139145
I know this is true... That's why I'm even considering it in the first place.
>>707139145
>le epic pessimist meme
Doesn't mean you spend the rest of your life living like a bump and then blowing the tube off your top.
>>707139269
I guess my issue right now is how do I even bring it up? It makes me feel sick to even think about talking about it with her or my doctor or whoever. It seems so hard.
>>707128674
Get a hobby that isn't 4Chan. Seriously. Existential thoughts never go away, but you won't have room to think about them if you're occupied by something.
>>707138666
No you won't. You're worried for nothing. I thought that same thing. I thought my friends and family would consider me to be a lost soul stuck in a depression center who could never do anything and never get a job because I had suicidal thoughts.
But as usual, I was wrong. Completely wrong. I told someone. Someone not even close to me. And then what happened was amazing. They got me help. And then even though other people knew they didn't care and they didn't think I was suicidal. They asked a lot if I was ok and yes it got annoying but I had the choice of either saying yes or no, if I said no they would come to me to help me, and if they said yes they would still help me. I didn't have to do any work after that. Teachers understood, family understood, friends and everyone understood. They helped makes my life easier. They helped me even fall in love again. And then, at the end of it all, because I asked for help, and I accepted it and I let them drive me, they now call me the happiest person in the world and stand in awe at how happy I am.
And it'll be the same for you if not better you have a wife I didn't even have a wife or a son at that time who would love me forever.
Yes at first it was annoying when they constantly tried to help me, but the fact that it's annoying means there's still emotion in you, and there's emotion in you for them, and you can't die when you still have emotions. You have the potential to be happier than me, you have a wife and a son for pity's sake that's the epitome of beautiful. Cherish it. Ask for help.
Now
Drop 4chan
Put the screen away and do it
3
2
1
Now
>>707131478
Try taking physical fitness seriously and try reaching your peak state as a man.
Try taking up some kind of crafting hobby like carpentry or some form of art
Try going outdoors more camping and hiking and shit and if you're cool you'll take up shooting without putting the barrel in your mouth because its insanely fun and a real interesting hobby if you're actually interested in guns.
Try getting a d0ge and walking it at the park every day shit like that
I just went through a really rough breakup and my life is pretty shitty but that shit keeps me from toeringing it my man.
also maybe try socializing outside of the computer if thats all you do in fact I would try doing anything but videogames for a couple months and see how you feel and really commit to doing something each day outsie of the house.
>>707139760
You building this up into a giant monolith in your mind. You're not trying to explain how life sprang up on the planet, you're trying to tell a loved one you're sick and that you need help.
Unfair to your family. You'll be fucking them up. If life is not enjoyable, then fix your circumstances so it is.
>>707139955
I want to do this... I just can't see myself doing it right now.
>>707140030
I'm a little overweight, but I work out 4 times a week. I'm a graphic designer, so I already do art all day, every day. I'm not into the outdoors or guns. I have cats... I appreciate the advice, but none of that sounds appealing to me. Seriously, video games are the one reprieve from my thoughts and I have such a hard time finding good ones. Recently played Ori and the Blind Forest. That was amazing. I'm also a Hearthstone fan and I'm starting to get into Faeria. They are small bastions in my suicidal feelings.
>>707141014
Life is enjoyable. I'm generally happy. I just also want to die. I just have a compulsion to kill myself.
>>707137829
Are you on any medication now? Sometimes this kind of thinking is purely from some unusual side effect
>>707141912
Are you on any medication?
>>707142322
Not currently. I tried taking Buspar for a little bit for anxiety. That's about as much as I could tell my wife. That shit just made me rage. Like seriously, I'm the most patient person I know and I was fucking flipping my shit at traffic, work related bullshit and bad Hearthstone RNG. While on that stuff, I literally threw my phone across the room (into a couch, but still...) it wasn't right. My doctor was a huge asshole about it and I couldn't bother dealing with him or other medication again.
>>707128674
I'm really sorry you feel this way. things can get pretty dark for people sometimes and its not easy to persist through. Its really not worth it, your family loves you and you have a long life to live, with so much happiness ahead of you in the future. ITs hard sometimes I know
>>707129845
You sound like a 17 year old that doesnt want to go to school. Just suck it up life isnt that bad
>>707142839
Thanks anon. Some of what people have said have helped tonight. I'm seriously finishing my last drink and going to bed. I'll see what tomorrow brings. Maybe I can get through this one day at a time.
>>707129845
I feel you here. Normality fucking blows. Quit your job, divorce your wife, and find something new. Or die. Your choice, not going to judge you either way.
>>707128674
A least be a dead beat for a few years and live in Thailand for a few years. Go fuck anything with feet. At least you won't traumatize your kid. I mean, you made him and you want your last act to fuck him up for his eternity? Sounds pretty selfish.
OP here. I'm gonna go to bed. I'll consider what everyone said. I don't think I can talk to my wife about this, but at least I'm alive one more fucking day. Thanks you fucking assholes. Here's some more fucking titties for ya'll. Next time I feel this way, I'll come here first. Maybe you fags can get me by a day at a time... I don't know. I just need to sleep now.
>>707144025
goodnight homie
>>707128674
Don't do it, just go to bed
>>707130060
Yeah, this guy is right. Usuaĺly I'd leave a way longer paragraph of something if yhey were serious and even if you are. You're an asshole, wanna do some good jn lfe and not destroy them even if you leave them a waf of money?
Don't do it, not because I care about you- honestly just doing it for the lulz when there is no need and serious implications around you; just simply, a dick move.
Namaste.
>>707144025
Thanks for the boobies.
>>707143286
Good for you. Tomorrow morning, ask you wife for help, it's as simple as that. You obviously care for her quite deeply and she does as well. She will not fault you, or hold a grudge against you for this. Instead, she will see that you need help and will assist in every step in getting it for you.
As many people in this thread have said, try something new, something completely different than what you usually do. Develop a hobby, learn a skill, etc. You've said that you like video games many times. Perhaps you should try a game you wouldn't ever play otherwise. That could be the first step in expanding your boundaries.
>>707144709
No problem.
>>707144757
Thanks. I'll try.