Cuckold thread
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Cuckold thread
>>706370571
Cuck here, i love seeing cum flow from my wifes pussy.
>>706370571
arent the guys supposed to have huge dicks? this seems pretty average maayyybe above average but not by much
Bump for no black guys
>>706371534
If thats above average, then im huge
>>706371534
Don't believe porn so much bro.
>>706371534
That black guy's dick is smaller than mine. I finally win
>>706370571
Jesus, this place really has gone to shit.
That's a very black man.
>>706371944
Two of the replies were from Israel..
>>706370571
>>706370571
Oh no, that's my girlfriend! I'm being cuckolded!
Can we get one good cuck thread some faggot doesn't shitpost in?
>>706372247
And yet they rank highest (or nearly so) in happiness indexes every year.
Turns out that assured income, health care, public utilities, housing and other services leads to happy citizens even if they can't live a completely unfettered capitalist lifestyle.
Fancy that. I know I'd rather ride a bike to work and use public transportation and know that my life and well being are secure than being forced to work for a paycheck which may or may not cover everything in an emergency.
Fancy that.
This is some really good 9gag humor you have going in this thread.
>>706372735
People in this country are trained to think that buying things is happiness.
I myself think that I couldn't live in Canada because shit is so expensive. In reality, shit that is expensive there isn't shit I need.
>>706371427
Even better is licking up every last drop fro her dripping wet pussy
>>706371534
I thought he looked below average.
am I a cuck if my girlfriend was legitimately raped?
>PS Ive been able to turn relationship into an open-closed one. open on my end
>>706371427
Beta
>>706373314
Good point!
>>706372193
Why isn't anyone else asking for more pics of your sexy ass woman?
>>706372215
One of the best reads I've ever read
>>706372247
We like bikes thanks you
>>706373852
Bunch a god damn homosexuals if you ask me.
>>706374426
No one likes you. Its past your bed time little jimmy. Let the adults talk
>>706372735
thats cool why dont all the niggers and preteens that feel that way go to denmark then instead of shitting up my country with bad voting?
>>706374652
>>706371965
whois?
if this isn't the most failed cuck thread I've ever seen.
>>706375074
Gah fuck what are you?!
WHITE POWER WINS AGAIN
>>706371427
cuck
>>706370571
lul that nigger dicks is way smaller than my white dick what a faggot.
>>706375363
before he became king of the ooompa loompas
>>706375794
What's funny is that one White guy took down an entire cuck thread. Me.
>>706374687
turns out its their country too.
and you better get used to them shitting up your country. because its their country now. welcome to being a minority shit bag.
>>706375873
Congratulations, you're retarded!
>>706376042
Shut up, nigger.
>>706376181
And you're a cuck. Invest in hollow points and pull the trigger. Make sure you put it against your temple. The gun that is. Not the nigger's dick you're sucking.
>>706370571
That's the tinniest nigger dick i've ever seen.
>>706376189
I'm white. I'm just not as ignorant as you.
>>706376602
Then you're a cuck. Well guess what? I'll be taking down every single cuck thread on /b/ tonight. Enjoy, pussy.
>>706376300
How am I a cuck? I never even look at threads like these, I just clicked on it and saw that some retarded autist (you) was proud of wasting an hour posting pics no one cares about except himself. Anyway good luck with your mental retardation friendo.
>>706376891
God bless.
>>706376716
Treating other human beings as equals makes you a cuck.
Kill yourself. You are everything that is wrong with this country you piece of human filth.
>>706377032
>thinking that niggers are human
Harambe was more of a human than any nigger.
White Pride Worldwide!
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>>706372284
i fucken lost hard and im not even playing wow
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>>706371427
cuck
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TIT FLANDERS STOPPING BY
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MY DICK'S CUMMING BLOOD, MY DICK'S CUMMING BLOOD!!!
OHHHH, FOR JESUS FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!!!
∩＿＿＿∩
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>>706370571
entire generation of 12 yr olds can not tell the difference between cuck and interracial now
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> Mfw some faggot finally decided to kill the cuck threads
> Mfw I can't post pics because he posted all the pics.
God speed sir. God fucking speed.
Cucks must Die.
>>706379387
Time to take back OUR fucking board.
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DO IT, just DO IT! Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just. DO IT! Make. your dreams. COME TRUE! Just… do it! Some people dream of success, while you’re gonna wake up and work HARD at it! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you’re not gonna stop there. NO! What are you waiting for? … DO IT! Just… DO IT! Yes you can! Just do it! If you’re tired of starting over, stop. giving. up.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now, lad.
Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/ a fit mum & fakebling
Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I’m str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can’t w8. We should convers8, I won’t ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don’t hesit8
˙ʇı ןןɐɔ noʎ ɹǝʌǝʇɐɥʍ ɹo ,ɐʇǝq, pǝɹǝpısuoɔ buıǝq ɟo ʞɔıs ɯ,ı ˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ ʎɹɔ oʇ ǝɯ oʇ ʞןɐʇ ʎןuo puɐ ‘ʇıɥs ǝʞıן ɯǝɥʇ ʇɐǝɹʇ oɥʍ sʎnb bɐqǝɥɔnop ɹǝʇɟɐ ob sʎɐʍןɐ sןɹıb ǝsǝɥʇ puǝ ǝɥʇ uı ˙ʎpɐן,ɯ ɹoɟ buıɥʇʎuɐ op pןnoʍ puɐ ‘qoظ ǝɔıu ɐ ʞɹoʍ ‘ʎnb ǝɔıu ɐ ɯ,ı ˙ǝuoz puǝıɹɟ ǝɥʇ uı ʇnd buıǝq sʎɐʍןɐ ı ɯɐ ʎɥʍ
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Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
That’s it, I’m done. Fuck this chat. It’s devolved into a mass of retarded copy pastes and face spam. The quality of twitch chat has been declining for a while, but this is the last straw. That’s it. I’m done. I’m uninstalling the internet, chopping off my dick and moving to fucking Antarctica, at least the bacteria there will be fucking smarter discourse
ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴀᴍᴏᴜs ғᴀsᴄɪsᴛ ʟᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴀᴅᴏʟғ ʜɪᴛʟᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄɪᴘᴀᴛᴇ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴀɢᴀɴᴅᴀ ғɪʟᴍ “sɪᴇɢ ʜᴇɪʟ ʟɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ” ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴀɴʜᴀᴍᴍᴇʀ.
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fuck niggers
Hello Alkaizer, this is Hollywood director and producer Eddy Pasterino. We would like you and fowtini to star in our new movie: Naked Skorñorita. You will go the the inn and see fowtini lying in Leah’s bed and she will want your Skorn but you say “No Skornerrino” and topdeck her. Pls no hastalapasta baberino.
hi mi name es giorgio i woerk in potatoe faktory and since mi padre died in a donkey waggon accident i leav mi wife and ugli daughter to become a pro leagueue of leyendaerio player, everydai i watch rainamndio. i just wante to sai thank you veriyi much rauinmanio i improvd from bronce 5 to wood 7 in just 6 months. plz no copato pasterato dis is onli my life. i ALso killed mi dog. Sorry fo mi bad englando im not NA
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door….
Hey Faggots, My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook. Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening. Pic Related: It’s me and my bitch
“wtf his ult did like 3k damage how is that legit” – leonardo da vinci 1496, founder of the Illuminati
Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I’m a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m’lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I’m sick of being considered ‘beta’ or whatever you call it.
Hello. I am a 15 year old Rhinoceros. The only problem is that my horn on my head is soft and limp. As you may know this is very devastating to a rhino like myself. If there are any rhinos out there that can help me with my problem it would be appreciated. Please dont copy paste this. This is my story.
There's some shit going on /b/ right now. It's like a Civil War going on /b/. And there is two sides, oldfags and newfags, and newfags have go to go. Anytime oldfags want to have a good time ignorant ass newfags fucking it up. Can't do shit! Can't do SHIT, without some ignorant ass fucking it up! Can't do nothing! Can't make some original content thread open more than 100 posts. Grand opening...grand closing. Can't see cool posts on the front page... WHY? Because newfags are talking about THE BEST.
This is NOT copypasta. I repeat NOT copypasta.
I know coming to /b/ for advice is a top notch bad idea, but I honestly have no where else to turn because this situation directly involves my family, and friends.
Let me start from the beginning, I am 18 and my sister is 21. I just finished high school and my sister is home from college. I guess this year her grades started slipping or something, because I walked past her room and she was crying. I walked inside her room to ask her what's up and she hands me a letter - apparently she's up for review by her college for dismissal. I feel kinda sorry for her so I gave her a hug and one thing led to another and we started making out. This is really weird because I've made out with girls before, but my sister blows them all out of the water. In the back of my mind lies the fact that she's my sister and what we are doing is sick and wrong, but I guess my sister has more experience and it felt so fucking good.
Here's the dilemma - after making out, Karen started taking her clothes off and she started pulling my pants down. I'm like, hey, what are you doing? She's like, oh come on Jordan, aren't you even a LITTLE curious? I felt bad because its true, my sister is a hottie and I always wished that she wasn't my sister. I've even gone as far as to fap to thoughts of doing her. She then said "For tonight, let's not be brother and sister. I really need this because I feel like shit right now and our parents won't be back till late and we aren't going to tell anyone.
I pretty much just fucked my sister. No, to be more honest, I just lost my virginity to my sister. My question, /b/, is WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?? What do people usually do after they fuck their sisters?
Pic very related; that's Karen.
When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
I'm an Alpha male /b/.
And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?
Yeah, I'm fucking her.
The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?
Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.
The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?
Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?
When I was about nine, I had recently gotten a Nintendo Entertainment System from a garage sale down the road, the first gaming system I ever had. One game that I bought was Super Mario Brothers 3, the final chapter of the widely-acclaimed SMB trilogy, which like in the original Super Mario Brothers consisted of Mario/Luigi chasing after Princess Toadstool (whose name has since been bastardized to 'Peach'). Back on topic though; I popped in the game in my new NES and pressed Start. I started at World 1, of course, and began playing. During this, I got used to the controls, map, and all that jazz. After all, it IS supposed to be kinda like a tutorial level. So I had advanced to World 2, "Desert Land" and I was moving along rather smoothly. In the back of my mind, I knew that at some point the levels would start to get more difficult. I soon noticed a tile, one unlike the other tiles (Toad houses, numbered tiles, etc). It appeared to be some cross-hybrid of flowing diarrhea and sand, which caught my attention. I navigated my way to the tile, and hit the A button and was warped to what appeared to be a normal level; there even was a happy sunshine in the top left corner! As I side-scrolled my way through the level, the fucking sun decided to go apeshit and sodomize me repeatedly until I finally broke down in tears, throwing my controller at the ground screaming for my mom. That fucking bastard.
And no, this is not copy pasta.
/b/ is the guy who tells the cripple ahead of him in line to hurry up.
/b/ is first to get to the window to see the car accident outside.
/b/ is the one who wrote your number on the mall's bathroom wall.
/b/ is a failing student who makes passes at his young, attractive English teacher.
/b/ is the guy loitering on Park Ave. that is always trying to sell you something.
/b/ is the one who handed his jizz-drenched clothes to Good Will.
/b/ is one who first introduced you to Goatse.
/b/ is a hot incest dream that you'll try to forget for days.
/b/ is the only one of your group of friends to be secure in his sexuality and say anything.
/b/ is the guy without ED who still likes trying Viagra.
/b/ is the best friend that tags along for your first date and cock-blocks throughout night. The decent girl you're trying to bag walks out on the date, /b/ laughs and takes you home when you're drunk, and you wake up to several hookers in your house who /b/ called for you.
/b/ is a friend that constantly asks you to try mutual masturbation with him.
/b/ is the guy who calls a suicide hotline to hit on the adviser.
/b/ is nuking the hard-drive next time someone knocks on his door.
/b/ is the one who left a used condom outside the schoolyard.
/b/ is the voice in your head that tells you that it doesn't matter if she's drunk.
/b/ is the friend who constantly talks about your mom's rack.
/b/ is the only one who understands what the hell you saying.
/b/ is someone who would pay a hooker to eat his ass, and only that.
/b/ is the uncle who has touched you several times.
/b/ is still recovering in the hospital, after trying something he saw in a hentai.
/b/ is the pleasure you feel guilty of when you tried playing with your anus during masturbation.
/b/ is wonderful.
I realize that most of you have ether forgotten what /b/ is or are simply newfags who don't know.
/b/ is not where we make posts talking about our personal lives and our problems...we're not your fucking livejournal
/b/ is not some place where we giggle at memes....we're not fucking YTMND
/b/ is not some place where we make confessions we're not fucking grouphug
/b/ is not some place where we find pictures on other websites and post them here ...we're not fucking ebaumsworld
/b/ is not some site where we go to jerk off to hentai pics....we're not fucking aerisdies
/b/ is not some place that you go to, to get someone to hack your girlfriend's e-mail account because shes cheating on you for the 15th time...we're not your fucking personal army
/b/ is not some place you go to ask for help with a personal problem, we're not your fucking psychologist
/b/ isn't some place you go to trash talk other people you'll never meet simply because its an anonymous board with "no rules" and you can get away with it with out any repercussion...we're not a fucking group of internet tough guys
/b/ is not NICE
so /b/....what IS /b/...i want to see how long it takes for someone to get it.
When I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her.
By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.
When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.
I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actually hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.
It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over her face and chest.
Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick, and tossed it to her.
I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of high school kids did it.
When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.
...god I’m fucked up.
I'm looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (that's Japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (that's Japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (Korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i don't want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)
Has anybody ever tried cooking with their own semen?
About a month ago I got adventurous and decided to fap into the frying pan, using my semen in place of little extra butter I usually put in the pan when I'm grilling grill'd cheese.
I didn't notice much difference in flavor when I tried it, although it definitely didn't taste any worse.
Last night, however, while in the process leading up to grilling two sandwiches for lunch for myself and my sick mother, I noticed my neighbor's 13 year old daughter changing in the yard next door (our window sort of faces out into the neighbor's yard, the suburban layout of our community is somewhat strange), presumably after getting out of the pool. I got the urge to fap and decided to incorporate it into my cooking again in secret.
My mother did seem to notice a difference in flavor for the better - I nonchalantly told her I used a different butter, which in it's essence wasn't entirely a lie, I just didn't specify it was my nut butter. I'm not about to outright lie to my mother.
I consider myself a respectable man of principles, you know.
>>706372193
anymore bro?
MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.
THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING.
>>706381222
goddam this made me kek.
screencapped.
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Today was a day that will forever be the climax of my life, at this point, nothing could get any better. That little cunt is going to get it, him and his fucking family. They are all going to die. ALL OF THEM, ESPECIALLY THE FUCKING CHILDREN.
You see, it started one day, and I was at the fresh young age of 12, the first day I ever saw him. He looked friendly at first, but little did I know that that exact day I had met the devil himself, just in a childish form. He asked for my name, and I said my name, which is Caleb. And almost as soon as he heard my name, he yelled out (let me tell you that this was inside of a school) "Hey, everybody! It's Caleb the Cunt-Sucker!" Everyone laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Even the teachers were laughing. It was degrading, it was down right.....damning. It continued thought the rest of my years in school, and I even went as far as almost committing suicide.
After I got out of school, I got a job at a local garage. It wasn't the cleanest, or well-paying of jobs, but it got me threw. I had to stay at home, I hardly had any money, let alone have money to pay for a house. One day, I was driving back home, and I saw him. And not only did he have a perfect house and a perfect car, he had a family. A picture-perfect family. I snapped that day, and when I got home, I started planning his downfall.
Now, today was the day, the day that I would for fill my dream of killing all of them. I will be back later to tell you the result. And I will finally tell the brutal death of those fucking maggots.
I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.
"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.
"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of Manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.
Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.
God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.
I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.
I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.
I remember it was the summer '06. Some friends and I had been on the road for a couple of weeks. Just travelling around, little bit of a road trip. Stopping off where we felt. Going to lots of pubs, clubs, parties, etc. Anyway one night we set out from our motel room to go to a nearby bar. We get there and it's fairly quiet. We had a few drinks but decided it was kinda boring and we were going to find some place else to drink for the night. Then just as we're leaving, she caught my eye. Across the room was the most beautiful truck I've ever seen. 87 model, was wearing a 200 gallon mixer tank, you know the kind. She had tyres that went on for days. A part of me was ready to leave already. But a part of me knew that if I didn't at least talk to her I'd regret it. I downed the last of my drink to get a little Dutch courage, then I made my move. I walked up to her and said, "Hi." Girls like this usually don't give me the time of day. But something was different this time. I don't know what it it was, if she was in a different mood cos she was on holidays, too, or if I was just in the zone that night or what. But much to my surprise she was totally into me. Every smile was met with a flash of her headlights, every joke was met with a honk of her horn. She was into me, it was time to close it. "Would you like to join me at my room?" I really had gone too far ths time. But instead I hear, "Sure, let's go." I couldn't believe it. It was on. The sexiest truck I've ever seen and she wants to have sex with me! Unbelievable! We get back to my room, make out for a while then made passionate love. The next day she headed off back home to work in a strip mine. She gave me her email address and we still keep in contact from time to time. But that was the best night of my life and I'll never forget her.
Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprinkle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!”. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little shit must've gotten in a fuckheap of trouble.
FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I PICK FUCKING "MATCH MY RANK" AND YOU PUT ME UP AGAINST A FOUR STAR GOD DAMN IT FUCK YOU! I'M A FUCKING TWO STAR. FOURSTAR DOES NOT MATCH A FUCKING TWO STAR! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU GOD DAMN CHINKS?! YOU MADE THE FUCKING WII, NOW MAKE YOUR ONLINE SYSTEM OPTIONS FUCKING WORK. I'M TIRED OF SETTING IT TO MATCH MY RANK ONLY TO FIND IT NOT MATCH MY RANK THEN GO DOWN A RANK BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKED UP SYSTEM. GOD DAMN IT. FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I'LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER GAME FROM YOU AGAIN. AND I'M GOING TO BOMB JAPAN TOMORROW. HOW ABOUT THAT, NINTENDO?
/b/, I laugh at all you faggots who are imprisoned in a relationship. They are worthless. The only men who need their better half were half a man to begin with.
Look what I get to do. I wake up, and go surfing in the morning before work. Then I change in my car and head off to my job where I make 110,000 a year. I work for 6 hours, then come home. I can listen to music, and even go on /b/ if I'm ahead schedule.
Then I get off work, and get to come home and relax in front of my 21" LCD monitor, which has a custom build, Quad-Core Processor, and have 2 8800 ULTRA video cards. 8 gigs or ram. 1 TB HD for games and other progs, and an external 1 TB HD for porn, and movies. I've also got a $500 chair, that is comfortable as fuck, and a 9.1 surround system, in my room and my living room. I can run Crysis on Very High and get 50 FPS. Every other game runs flawlessly. I also have a t1 internet connection for downloading anything I want within minutes. I never lag in a game.
I've got a Fleshlight, and have a 10 grand real doll I'm considering buying. Yes, I've had a gf before, and this feels pretty damn close. 9/10 to a real pussy. I recommend the wonder wave to other anons. I've got a 72 Camero I rebuilt, and put about 50 grand into. It's fucking bad ass. I've also got a nice 2 story home. Have been making 90k-110k the last 5 years.
I have absolutely no stress in my life. No worthless cunt nagging, no worthless cunt expecting me to buy her shit, entertain her, etc...It's amazingly relaxing. If I had a gf, or a wife I would not have half the cool shit I do right now. All the time I spend on hobbies and other things would be sucked up. Women are fucking worthless money grubbing, attention whoring...WHORES
/spit
I encourage you anons to do the same. Become successful, and live a wonderful single life. Don't take those bitches shit. They only cause stress. Relax and enjoy your life /b/rothers.
Damn you, /b/. I fucking hate you. I've been noticing how you've been fucking with my head, making me see memes everywhere, and now it cost me my job.
I used to work at a pizza joint called Papa Gino's, which is a chain here in New England. Today, two guys came in, and they were very obviously a couple. Never in my life have I seen people this blatantly gay. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bleeding heart liberal hippie treehugger commie bastard, and I'm even bisexual myself, but DAMN these two were gay. Everything was going fine, right up until I served them their food. Instead of the usual "enjoy your meal" bit that I usually say, /b/ seized control of my brain.
"There you are, guys. Enjoy your AIDS." As soon as that A passed my lips, alarm bells went nuts in my head. But it was too late. I didn't realize what I had just done until I had finished speaking. The two guys just stared at me in shock for a moment, and I went pale. I knew that my days of free pizza and all the Mountain Dew I could drink were over in that one instant.
The two dudes go APESHIT. My manager comes over, and there's screaming about hate crimes, bigotry, lawsuits, and one of them even stood up and threatened to beat the shit out of me. We got into a fight, and my manager got scared, and said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
So I met this girl who worked at Starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn't really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I've ever seen and says "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast" and I'm like "No way, you had candy for breakfast?" She replies, "Not candy! Reese's puffs cereal!" So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says "And it's part of this complete breakfast!"
This game is shit, plain and simple.
Oh, let's all get the warp whistle and warp to "big world"! Too bad big world isn't fucking fun, like the rest of this game. The entire thing is designed to anger and frustrate you. Oh, you get Kuribo's shoe on one fucking level! Wow, pardon me while I make the universal motion for a handjob. Kuribo's shoe fucking sucked. What did it do, exactly? It let you JUMP ON THINGS, something you were able to do the entire fucking game. Oh, also you looked gay.
There are some interesting power-ups in the game, such as Tanookie Mario, Hammer Mario, and Frog Mario. But guess what? You can get them on like 2 levels total, and if you fuck up and get hit ONCE, you lose them, FOREVER. Wow, that's fun! I love games that demand I play perfectly or have no fun, because I'm a fucking jap who strives for absolute perfection in gaming otherwise I kill myself.
Mario 3 may have been interesting or fun at one time, but the game is a worthless piece of shit in today's day and age. It's horribly flawed and full of punch-in-the-dick moments, much more so than it has moments that are just fun to play.
Legend has it that if you travel east to Japan, you will find an old man living on the coast just 40 miles south of Tokyo. If you give this man $500,000 he will take you to an island just off the coast that can't be found on any map. This island is filled with people without faces or names, who hold grudges over the most trivial of matters. When you arrive at this island the first thing you will see is a swimming pool that is never open. Just beyond the pool you will find a town that is filled with cats. You must find a white cat wearing a pink bow. If you ask the cat how to get to Mexico, he will stand up and ask you for three things: Your name, your face, and your soul. If you agree to give them to him, your face will vanish and you will forget your own name. You can live on the island and have whatever you desire, but you can never leave the island. The only way to escape is to find the cat again and ask for a young child. The next day a van will pull up in front your house. You will hear a knock at the door, and a voice will ask if you want to come to a party. No one knows what happens if you answer the door.
>>706371427
cuck
When I was younger, my best friend went out with the love of my life. I was 11. And that experience ruined me emotionally. Even though I didn't give any hints to either of them about my real feelings, and that those feelings only really surfaced after they started going out, I still felt profoundly betrayed.
Because of my "best friend" fucking me over I don't feel comfortable opening myself up and extending my emotions.
In the past couple of years I have attempted relationships. I really have. But it hurts so bad when I see the same thing happen all over again...my newer best friend gets buddy buddy with the girl I love and I am blocked out of her life. She gets other boyfriends and I try to show her how much I love her. I really fucking tried. That guy was no good...I was trying to help when I brought that knife. He deserved a good stabbing. Not that he got one...I just wanted to look manly in front of her.
I pretty much gave up on her - let's call her "J" - a few months ago, and have since moved onto her friend. I think she's different...she actually sees past my semi-autistic features to my personality. I even went to the school ball with her. She kinda ignored me the whole night and flinched every time I tried to dance with her or speak to her, but it still shows progress right? Let's call *her* "K".
Some inferior woman-thing tried seducing me. She tried to distract me from my real love. We dated for a couple weeks, kinda, but only because I was so messed up at the time and didn't know what I really wanted. I broke up with her though because I can't really handle anything right now. My life is pretty intense at the moment. Maybe things will get better when I move to the city.
I'M KOREAN
SON OF A BITCH AMERICAN
AMERICAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A HAMBURGER?
DO YOU WANT A PIZZA?
AMERICAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
GEORGE WALKER BUSH IS A MURDERER
FUCKING U.S.A
>>706382605
I'M ALBANIAN
SON OF A BITCH SERB
SERB IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A CEVAPCICI?
DO YOU WANT A PODVARAK?
SERB IS PIG DISGUSTING
SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC IS A MURDERER
FUCKING SERBIA
>>706382641
'M SERBIAN
SON OF A BITCH ALBANIAN
ALBANIAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A SHOPSKA?
DO YOU WANT A SKENDERBEG?
ALBANIAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
FATMIR SEJDIU IS A MURDERER
FUCKING KOSOVA
>>706382672
I'M GERMAN
SON OF A BITCH POLE
POLE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A PIEROGI?
DO YOU WANT A KIELBASA?
POLE IS PIG DISGUSTING
LECH KACZYŃSKI IS A MURDERER
FUCKING POLAND
>>706382707
I'M POLISH
SON OF A BITCH GERMAN
GERMAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A SAUERKRAUT?
DO YOU WANT A PUMPERNICKEL?
GERMAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
HORST KÖHLER IS A MURDERER
FUCKING GERMANY
I'M NORTHERN
SON OF A BITCH SECESSIONIST
SOUTHERN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A VIRGINIA HAM?
DO YOU WANT A CORN GRITS?
SOUTHERN IS PIG DISGUSTING
JEFFERSON FINIS DAVIS IS A MURDERER
FUCKING C.S.A
>>706382813
I'M SOUTHERN
SON OF A BITCH FEDERALIST
YANKEE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A FREE NIGGER?
DO YOU WANT A UNIFIED REPUBLIC?
YANKEE IS PIG DISGUSTING
ABRAHAM LINCOLN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING U.S.A
I'M NINJA
SON OF A BITCH PIRATE
PIRATE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A TREASURE?
DO YOU WANT A RUM?
PIRATE IS PIG DISGUSTING
ED TEACH IS A MURDERER
FUCKING PIRATES
I'M TERRAN
SON OF BITCH ALIENS
DO YOU WANT ZERG RUSH?
DO YOU WANT KEKEKEKEKE?
ZERG IS PIG DISGUSTING
THE OVERMIND IS A MURDERER
FUCKING STARCRAFT FAGS
I'M DOWN SYNDROME
SON OF A BITCH SMART PEOPLE
SMART PEOPLE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A HIGH IQ?
DO YOU WANT A SOCIAL SKILLS?
SMART PEOPLE IS PIG DISGUSTING
EINSTEIN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING MENSA
'M C++
SON OF A BITCH JAVA
JAVA IS PIG
DO YOU WANT OBJECT ORIENTED?
DO YOU WANT SHORT CIRCUIT?
JAVA IS PIG DISGUSTING
SUN MICROSYSTEMS IS A MURDERER
FUCKING JAVA
I'M PAINT SHOP
SON OF A BITCH PHOTOSHOP
PHOTOSHOP IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A LENS FLARE?
DO YOU WANT A SELECTIVE COLOR?
PHOTOSHOP IS PIG DISGUSTING
THOMAS KNOLL IS A MURDERER
FUCKING CS3
I'M NAZI
I'M NAZI
SON OF A BITCH BOLSHEVIK
BOLSHEVIK IS PIG
DO YOU WANT SCORCHED EARTH POLICY?
DO YOU WANT SOME BLITZKRIEG?
BOLSHEVIK IS PIG DISGUSTING
LENIN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING BOLSHEVIK
>>706372193
anymore? it looks like my ex
>>706383076
I'M BOLSHEVIK
SON OF A BITCH TSAR
TSAR IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A DISSOLUTION OF THE DUMA?
DO YOU WANT A WAR WITH JAPAN?
TSAR IS PIG DISGUSTING
NICHOLAS II IS A MURDERER
FUCKING TSAR
We were talking about this with a friend earlier: WHY ARE WHITE PEOPLE SO ANGRY AT BLACKS?
and we came up with this answer: they're jealous!
Let's see why:
1) We got awesome resistance against the sun. Enjoy being burned.
2) We are more fit, we can outrun any white male anytime. even CHUCK NORIS?!?
3) We got bigger dicks.
4) Girls dig us better.
5) We have very wide social circles. White people have forgot how to live in society.
6) We got rhythm. We can dance, rap, sing, make music, you name it!
7) A black chick wouldn't date a white boy. On the other hand, white girls would drop their white boyfriend anytime for a black guy if given the chance.
8) We're simply cooler. Admit it, maybe it wasn't the case some 200 years ago, but nowadays being white sucks whereas being black is cool as hell.
9) We got a sense of what family is about.
10) We get MANY children so that our genes will last long on this motherfucking earth, not like your average pathetic two children.
11) If you don't die a virgin, and happen to get a daughter...chances are she'll be sucking and swallowing black dicks :)
I could be going on and on and on but you get the point by now.
Enjoy being white, sucker :)
you guys know cuckold meme is a kike psyop, right?
whyte ppl i hate u cuz
1. u all racist
2. u pale as hell
3. u fuckin stupid
4. u stereotype niggas cuz u all dumb
5. ur fat
6. u look like marshmallows
7. u look like gluesticks
8. u close minded
9. u jus straight up bitch
10. u make me sick
11. u all like fishin for sum reason
12. u all have dogs
13. u think u a good race when u ain't even human
14.u look ugly as hell
15.u a disgrace
16. u think u know bout niggas so much when u don't
17. u all got faggot ass voices
18. u speak like British ppl
19. u all gay
20. u have no place in hiphop so u shud stop listenin to it
Hey /b/ , I was drinking my coffee just now when when my friend and his brother who made said coffee bursts into the room laughing. They threw a bottle on my lap and ran away. This JUST happened
What is syrup of ipicuc?
Should I go to the hospital?
