>>703139731 ass at green text but i've got a story >be me >spend most of my free time with my best friend >about two years ago his family starts talking about moving across the country >at first we think theyre kidding/bluffing >a year passes and he doesnt enroll in school for the first quarter because he's "moving" >eventually his parents stop fucking around and decide they arent going anywhere yet >the year passes and i meet a girl that i'll call B >B is a fucking cunt and is very controlling >keeps me from seeing friend and robs me of all my time >the year goes by and i hardly see friend because of B's shenanigans >summer time comes and im off to stay with my dad for the entirety of the vacation >B and I broken up for some time now >B decides to take interest in friend >i suspect trickery but he says it feels real so i try not to intrude cont...
>>703139983 Feels threads always feel like a slap to the face for me. Make me feel alive.
Especially greentext stories. They just show me what I'm missing. While other anons have girl problems and things like that, I'm just sitting alone at home without anyone I could to even think about. Haven't left the house for a few days...
Sometimes I imagine how it would be to go to sleep and just...don't wake up.
And that makes me smile and cry at the same time :)
>>703141679 Because when the people we SHOULD care about are alive we don't, that's why he ignores the mom in the picture like I did and saw a guy with no friends to help him get out of spending time with his parent(s)
>>703138975 thats how my 19th - 27th has been like once you get older no one cares about you and your birthday. don't expect it just deal with it. its just another day move on and make every day count like it was your birthday
>>703141822 It's nice to know other people are 'feeling' things, too. Though we have different stories, and even speak different languages, we all know the languages of sorrow and regret. Depression Dialect.
I just feel devoid of something. It's not emotion, I'm able to have a great time with my friends, be genuinely happy. But something just seems missing and I can't quite pinpoint it. I stay up at night for hours thinking, wishing for something other than the life I have, yet the life I have should please me. I by no means have it perfect, but I couldn't think of a different household I would've wanted to grow up in, or different friends to have made. I hate where I live, and am hoping college will take me away from here. But I have come to the realization that I am no longer as smart as I used to be. In elementary school, I had to be put into multiple special classes. Middle school went just fine. But then high school hit, and for the past few years, it hit hard. Grades slipped, no where near bad, except for Spanish (fuck that class). But I realized I would not be getting the great scholarships I had expected throughout my younger life, and I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to escape this shitty region of the country. It makes everything seem a little more bleak.
I know this had to real structure or really a sad feel, but it needed to get off my chest and hopefully someone reads it.
Pic related is just kinda how I feel when I'm alone, just me and my thoughts.
>>703141626 >shit gets too shady to ignore >tell him to back out >he drops the news hes moving >for sure this time >feelsbadman.wmv >"im just gonna keep with her until i have to leave" >cant argue because its like half of me has been removed forcibly >drag through the entire summer alone and depressed like i always am at my dads >get back home a week or so before school starts again >make sure first person i see is friend >we spend the whole week i have free together >stay up all night and go on a walk around 5 am like we used to >only this is the last time >sit by a waterfall in my neighborhood and start talking about pretty much everything >eventually we get to his relationship with B >"i think shes cheated on me" >want to say i told you so and rub it in his face >know how much she meant to him >just try and tell him he's too good for her (bc he is) >hes on the verge of tears >tells how his family doesnt care that he doesnt want to move >says he considers either running away or killing himself cont.
>>703141602 HEY THERE JIMBO JUST A REMINDER IM NOT DEAD AND THE DUCKS ARE KEEPING THE CANCER AWAY JUST HERE TO TELL YOU LIFE IS GREAT AND I MEET A NEW WOMAN SHES GREAT SON WERE GETTING MARRIED AND I DONT KNOW IF YOU WILL SHOW UP
BUT THATS ALRIGHT JIMBO I KNOW YOUR BUSY
IM CHANGING MY LAST NAME TO HER FAMILY NAME I HOPE THAT DOESNT UPSET YOU
>>703142383 I felt like this before. For several years actually. I took a trip to Iceland and it sort of fixed the issue. Being free for once feels nice. The bitter cold on your nose and the sense of adventure brought me to life
>>703142783 if you guys are friends you are better off not telling her anything. If sometime down the line the "what if" questions bother you, remember that it probably wouldn't have worked out. obviously you know your situation better than me but as a sweeping statement id stand by what i said.
Can anyone else here not cry anymore? I mean not from something in your eye or onions and shit but from sadness? I used to cry all the time and it felt great to let everything out but now I don't have that release...
>>703142758 >tell him that shits gonna work out fine >bc life is a movie and the good guys always win >fastforward a week >the day has come for him to move >id been helping his family pack for the week >hes about to leave >no heartfelt good bye >hug and say "bye faggot" >drive home >denial at first >that night it sets in >sob for the night >start feeling significantly more depressed >start seeing less of my gf >pick up cigarettes again >gf and i still text daily so its not like we dont talk, i just dont see her irl >she notices somethings up >she knows friend is gone >fastforward to about two days ago >lounging around when i get a DM >from a girl from school >just a hey >start a conversation cont. i dont care if anyone is keeping up. i just need to put this out there. sorry if its vague
>>703142723 That reminds me of being younger. I use to draw so much, back in my elementary days. I wouldn't ever stop. My mom would always take the dragon's and dinosaurs I drew and hang them up in her cube at work, tell me how much she loved them and appreciated them. And then I stopped. Video games, movies, friends got in the way. My hobby that I actually produced stuff doing was gone. Now I have nothing to show for my hobbies. Video games only give me this false sense of achievement, nothing that my family would ever be proud of. Ive tried to get back into drawing, but found myself to not be good at it, and even though I wanted something to show with the hobbies I did, i had no motivation to practice. I guess modern, adult life just fucking sucks
>be me >bi guy >last relationship was during sophomore HS >had sex with a guy last year, but it was a ONS >since then ive been looking for someone new >one girl i liked got picked up by friend the last night i saw her >i was going to tell her how much i liked her >they ended up breaking up the same night and i dint know >havent seen her since..... >Second girl i really liked. like almost love. >she was the manager of store i worked at >got a new job, and was going to ask her out >best friend, swoops in and starts dating her >tells me that even if i told he, she wouldnt go out with me >nearly convinced that i just shouldn't date >every time i think about it i get mad depressed >i dont get attracted to many people so being lonely kind of gets boring >still hurts alot though >kind of want to kill myself just to see how many people actually care, and if any of my friends are really friends.
>>703143036 I've had thoughts about just getting in a van after I graduate. Forget about college, forget about getting a headstart on my career. Just live an adventurous life. Travel the country, live with little, and care about little other than my own happiness, not my paycheck or my social status or my grades.
>>703143469 >kinda just dump all my shit on this girl >talk about how i hardly see gf >she says get a new one >say i dont want another one i love her >she says well would you cheat on her? >think >decide maybe >she sets up a date for the next day and that night we exchange nudes >she comes over next day >dont believe anything is gonna happen >before i know it im having sex with her >cum and make her leave >sit in shower and think about what i just did >cant tell gf bc she'll leave me and that is the last thing i want >worried shes gonna find out anyway and hate me more >today >cant fucking believe i did this shit still >sitting here in bed crying my eyes out bc i might have ruined everything >and my friend isnt here to talk me through it end. again sorry if its shit i just meeded to vent
>>703143998 honestly. fapping has become so mindless that ill get on a site and just think of anything else until im done. and if im not doing that, im chain smoking or smoking pot just to pass the time, or get my mind off shit. i dont think ive ever gotten high, just to get high.
>>703143504 Why does passion have to reward you with anything? I'm a decent musician and I get praise for it a lot but it's not my passion so I don't really care (not that it's not nice to hear). Things like poetry which I love I am awful at and don't share with anyone because that's not why I do it.
>>703141452 My cat died yesterday while I'm away in college. Some people say cats don't have a long memory but she used to come running and meow like crazy when I skyped with my mom. She came to our door when she was a kitten, I gave her a home and she gave me a friend when I was a depressed lonely teenager. She died alone in my bed. I will never forget her.
>>703141602 This always gets me. It hits me in the feels super hard. My dad's relationship with his dad is getting better, and I'm thankful that grandpa is still around and that things can get better. But for most of his life, they didn't have a good relationship. His parents didn't like my mom. It got so bad that dad didn't see or talk to his family for years.
Then when I was growing up, dad wasn't around much. He was working two or three jobs to provide for the family, but I didn't know that. I was a selfish kid. Dad and I didn't always see eye to eye, but usually it was me rebelling against him. We weren't able to be open with each other and say things like, "I love you."
What tears me up so much when I read this is that I can't help but see this from my dad's perspective. A genuinely good man, a hard working man who, despite his hard work still has little wealth. A humble man who, through no fault of his own, was alienated from his father and his son, but who still loves them both anyway, in spite of themselves.
The thought just fucking kills me.
But it also gives me hope and makes me thankful, because I'm not the little shit I used to be, and there's still time to make things better. I know it's sappy, /b/, but I hope someday I can be half the man my dad is.
>>703143872 What age are you? High school or college ages I'd just say start talking to people in your classes, some of my best friends were people I had just completely ignored for a few years, but when I started talking to them, I was opened up to a world of friendship
Every year on my birthday I call my father from a restricted number and Yell "Fuck you" or "Fuck you coward" into the phone then hang up. That is the only interaction we have had since I was 2 years old and found his number when I was 19 I am now 30. Every year I hope he changed his phone number because I hear his unsuspecting voice, a completely surprised reaction he forgets the exchange every time. He has a different family and sobered up from when he did meth and beat us up so my mom just left on her own. He is a completely different person with daughters he loves and a wife he cares about (I see pictures on facebook). I hate the person that I am. I am weak and indecisive and my mothers fears are now my fears. I am weak and think about suicide all the time and wear a mask in public so the world doesn't destroy me. I have been to mental health facilities and very close to homeless or suicide. I still live with my mother I am afraid of the outside world and everyone is my enemy. I see people who are happy and think about their life and pretend more than actually doing what is necessary to accomplish for myself. It's all pretend. I wish I could blame all of this on my father but the excuses are weak, I really wish I was angry with him but that is pretend too, something to build an identity on. I can't figure out what is wrong with me and the choices I make. I hate him as much as I hate everyone else able to turn their lives around and be happy. Why can't I?
>>703144551 I just used to light up my mom's life with the things I could do. But since high school I have become a cynical asshole who is usually pissing off my parents. I know they still love me, but I hate to see that I don't give them the same joy as I used to, and in some cases even put strain on the family
>>703142383 When I was 13 (I think) I went to a church camp with a bunch of other kids around my age. One of the days, we had a sermon where the pastor, or camp leader I guess, spoke about exactly what you just described. He said that people basically are made this way, with a "void" or hole in themselves, which they try to fill with other earthly things- like relationships that end up failing, or work, or literally anything that gives them a sence of purpose. He then said that the only legit thing that worked was to fill yourself with a lifestyle focused on others (apposed to yourself), love, and Jesus and stuff. Sorry, I just thought it was cool that I was able to notice this coincidence, from a random stranger on 4chan. On the same camp trip, we went to the beach one day and my nipple fucking hurt for no apparent reason. That sucked but other than that it was a fun time, all around.
>grow up in a upper middle class family >be in Canada >be white >life as a toddler is good, have best friends and not a single bad thing in the world >fast forward, get moved to a different school because I get bored at faggot catholic school >start grade 3 at new school >some cool people here >ringleader of the kids. Let's call him John >John seems like the shit. Invites me to his house and birthdays >cool >winter arrives By the way, I was a little chubby at this time. Don't judge, needed the fat to keep me warm >always go to daycare for a bit after school to wait for parents to pick me up >one day I piss one of the older kids off >sorry "friendo" >forces me to go on scale >I'm 120lbs at age 10 >I become prime target for bullies >get rejected by other kids because of my weight >well fuck you too >grade 4 rolls around >new kid from England joins our class, we'll call him Dave >he has aspergers >he gets bullied because he can get triggered so easily >field trip to dinosaur museum rolls around >get paired with Dave on field trip >God dammit >shit goes okay >find out he likes Lego and hot wheels >mah nigga! >become best friends and inseparable >we band together so the bullies have to take both of us on >try me bitch >things go okay and the bullies leave us alone >although we are kind of outcasts we still hang out with the other guys forgot to mention, but all of the grades had really small classes. I.e about 20-30 students per grade level >things go okay for a couple years, Dave is best bro, always do projects together and play vidya >not much happens, just get kind of bullied but whatever
This is all pre-typed so just sit back and wait for the captchas
>grade 6 is among us >winter is here >after school there are usually snowball fights and it is a good time >wait why are they all on one team except me >get the shit snowballed out of me >tired of all this bully shit >charge John and slam, him to the ground >some faggot tackles me >punch him but get taken to ground >see John >kick him in nose while on ground >see 7 or so kids coming at me >fuck that >run like hell to parents >get taken to office >decide to go back to my old catholic school >yay?
Chapter 2, love, hate, and vidya
>grade 7 is upon us >for entire life only wear hoodies and sweatpants >greasy fat super beta nerd >4/10 >whatever >day one of classes >sit next to Italian guy >we'll call him Marcus That sounds itallian right? >Marcus is an asshole but we share interests so I guess he's my friend now >Marcus is a cool guy, he swears a bit but that's cool and edgy, somehow friends with super Christian guy that we will call Jack I know, generic as hell names but deal with it >See some old buddies, go through some nostalgia >go to social studies class >sit down >see a beautiful 8/10 angel sit next to me, we will call her Jen >NIGGA WHAT >say hi and shit >don't stutter because alpha >apparently we used to be really good friends when we were really young >huh, go figure >shit is going okay, I think I like it here >Jen lives really close to me, always talk with her on the way to my house >always get into good conversations and shit >one day asks who I like >throw out random name >I wanted to stay friends. Didn't want to fuck shit up >but she knows I like her
>Three years ago my father got diagnosed with cancer >Three to five year prognosis, no remission >Two years in he's diagnosed with Parkinson disease >My gf at the time is wicked shitty about it >"Man up anon, I'm not a lesbian" after I cried on her after finally breaking down >Obviously break up >Obviously alcoholism >Continuously fucked over and emasculated by hyper feminist culture since I'm 5'7 >It is depression my dudes >I haven't felt a legitimate emotion outside of anger and sadness in upwards of three years >Am currently drunk >Am usually some kind of something less than sober >Dad's gonna die soon >Drinking doesn't stop the pain, just diverts it >Please let me out I just want to sleep >The ONLY thing keeping me from getting heroin to die with is my friend group who's over burdened by their lives >°Can't vent I haven't been happy since 2011
>eventually spring rolls around and it's really obvious I like this girl to everyone >Marcus stops being a dick and we actually become good bros >one day at art class >Asia face asks Jen on date right in front of me >look up >Asia face shouts at me "we know you like Jen" >in front of the entire class >run out in tears >don't talk to Jen for the rest of the year >Marcus and I become best buds though >play all the vidya
Chapter 3. Just keep pushing
>grade 8 now >over summer decided to stop wearing sweatpants and now I only wear jeans tees and hoodies >still better than super grease >to this day I don't own a single pair of sweatpants >things are going alright >getting comments that I've lost a lot of weight >huh, okay then >for some reason I find it gets harder to study >really hard >start walking in sleep too >real bad too, like using the toilet in my sleep >this shit is scary man >finally see doctor about it >I get diagnosed with a hyper thyroid >that means I burn a fuckton of calories, can't focus and I sleepwalk >now I'm on meds >my standing heart rate was well over 100 when I had hyper thyroid >not until grade 9 do things start to get a bit better >lose a significant amount of weight >go from 4/10 to about 5.5/10 >hey it's an upgrade >Jen and I get on better standing >grades are slipping but whatever >thyroid fucks up my grades, I used to be a no study student and then I went to barely passing >develop crush on another girl >name her Anne >Anne is short, tan skin, brunette wavy hair to mid back, into anime, high energy, really cute >talk to one of my friends one night that I like Anne >why did I do that
>>703146169 >Jackass goes off and tells whole school I like Anne >can't seem to get a break >try to punch him next day, get restrained >you lucky son of a bitch >get through rest of grade 9 >grade 9 grad is among us >slow dance music comes on >decide to go to Jen and as for a dance >Aloha snackbar >she says yes >nigga what >have a dance and talk about hanging out over the summer >this could finally be my chance with my dream girl >never see each other over the summer >work summer job at amusement park >get paid m&m's and bar peanuts
I hope you fags don't mind the chapter names >excited to see Jen at school >go from a 5.5/10 to like a 6/10. Still getting better By the way I was a band fag all my life, played alto sax and guitar for over 10 years now >go to band meeting, excited to see Jen >band teacher asks if anyone knows where she is >some guy says she's sick >nigga how you know about Jen? >ask him how he knows Jen >His response "she's my girlfriend" >I died on the inside that day >the girl I loved for so long someone else's >could be worse right? >well Marcus decides to be a prick and a weeb and starts an anime club and ditches me so now I'm stuck with Jack the Christian >well then >go on with normal life, do good at all my classes, communication with Jen isn't that much but we take the same bus >winter is here >one night after band practice I ask her why she never gave me a chance >some bullshit
>>703146225 >we become good friends >by the end of the year we get into great conversations when we take the bus and I walk her to her house and shit is good >Summer time >over summer work at grocery store >get decent money >meet cute chick >name her Dana >she was short, bleach blonde hair, hipster glasses, petit body. >everything seemed like a good idea except I was 15 she was 18 >eh fuck it >we both have a lot of overlapping night shifts and one night offers to drive me home >sure, fuck it! >one night asks me to a little group thing going on >shoot parents a text and agree to go >nice little fire going >drinking a bottle of kraken >shit hits me hard, I was a lightweight back then >before I know it everybody's drunk >not enough chairs so Dana sits on my lap >giggity >parents call and they super pissed >have to take a cab >dammit >Dana and I super blitzed so I ask for a kiss and get a quick peck >fuck it man, first kiss. I was so happy and told the cab driver all about it on the drive home >ask her out on date and get a couple more kisses >mind you they weren't tounge, but for 15 year old anon he was happy >obviously doesn't work out >oh well, good summer times >back to school
Chapter 5. Cold shoulder
>Start grade 11 >get sense of fashion and I now only wear button ups and jeans >looking good my man >get a jawline >go from 6/10 to a 7/10 >shits good, meet old friends and what not >one day in the fall I get a Facebook message from a chick >sure why not
>>703145903 Yeah I feel like I need to be living for others and not just myself. I need to be making my family happy, I need to be giving my friends a good time. Yet I can't get past my own self to truly love this way
>we talk >and talk >and talk for hours on end >eventually we start dating >she cool >long blonde hair, skinny, about 5'9 if I had to guess, I'm 6' so I considered her tall for a woman >we don't meet till about November despite talking for like 2 months >only kiss a little bit >it's a really lovey dovey relationship >doesn't last >she just drops communication >feelsbadman >chat to my buddies on PS4 >only friends beside Jack I had at the time >Jack and I become really close >I have no religious beliefs but he's Christian and tries to force Em down my throat. >say no but he drags me to youth group on Fridays >eh, at least I'm getting a little social >shit goes okay for a while, not much development till winter >that's when Theresa comes into play >this bitch >she was really good friends with Jen >always tried to take her away when we chatted >I didn't really mind because we usually had about a 30 minute bus ride so I thought not much of it >eventually this bitch is getting territorial >might as well have just claimed her as a bitch >go prison rules >anyways >one day Jen gets a book from her ex >apparently they had broken up but I was fine remaining just as friends >I'd rather have a long term plan than a short term >anyways on the bus I put my arm around her shoulder to comfort >Theresa sees this as some kind of territorial thing and visibly dislikes it >I could give less than two fucks, Jen has been my friend since grade one and She needed me >or so I thought >what used to be good friends turned into nothingness as Jen purposely avoided me like the plague >Theresa must've said some nasty shit about me >well I guess that's over >I'm fucking distraught >one of my best friends gone >I guess I still got Jack and Dave. >summer finally shows its face >tried making some relationships during spring but not much came out of it
>June >decide to try tinder because why not? >it's a match >nice chick, redhead, cute >she was just looking for friends >fuck it, I don't have a lot of those so why not >keep swiping >it's a match >we hit it off >she's a cute brunette, nice, recently dyed her hair blonde >we chat up and hit it off greatly >I recently adopted a new hairstyle, lost a bit more weight and have hipster glasses >I'm about an 8/10 >we setup a date a couple days from then >first girl in a while, get excited >meet her and we go on an adventure around coffee places in town >at the end of it go to train platform for goodbye kiss. >this chick uses tounge and bit my lower lip at the end >holy shit, that was sexy >first real kiss I've had >maybe things will work out for once? >finals coming up but too into this chick >have another date a couple days after the first >go to national park >hang out go around and mess around off path and I rip a hole in my favourite jeans, I don't care, I'm in love >find nice spot in the shade where we lay down >she rests her head on my chest >we look into each other's eyes >makeout for an hour or so >it was fucking amazing >learned to actually kiss >have to go >she joins me on the train back and goes to my bus with me >goodbye kiss >last time I see her >I barely pass some of my classes because fuck studying >a little sad chick is gone but that's life
>>703145413 Look man; I hated my father as a kid for not being there with me. we fell through the cracks a total of like 5 times so far (i'm 25 atm so... ya know... had plenty of time to not) but really you have to accept that people change; that people are a product of their environment. give him a fucking call; ask him to go to the bar with you and grab a cold one to talk about life. I promise you; if he has changed, you will not regret getting to know him. and frankly; theres a good chance that he will just be happy to have you in his life.
>July >One of my childhood friends calls me >asks me to drop by a house and bring booze >why not >bring my flask >Figured I could develop a drinking problem to get me through grade 12 >anyways >go to the address he gave me >meet a guy, let's call him Phil >Phil is a bro >built real well, Italian or some shit, real cool >become great friends real quick >find out he blazes >hang out with home one day, and some of his edgy friends >start sneaking out and blazing late at night >have a great time, don't get caught, smoking in the early hours of the morning >it was really fun for a while >meanwhile family stuff goin down >grandma had to go to the hospital >wait what >apparently she had some lung shit going on >it'll be okay >no >she's a trooper >some how managed to take 2 heart attacks at the age of 93 and not even feel em >got misdiagnosed with pneumonia >starts getting weaker and weaker until she passes right in front of me >in her sleep >cry and isolate myself for a few days and it's not getting much better >funeral comes >funeral goes >August >so while I was with Phil and my smoking bros this new guy hung out with us >Adam >he's a cool guy, Slovakian or some shit
>one day he offers me to stay at his place for the night >sure, why not >parents are reluctant but I manage to go >we watch family guy and play some bo1 zombies >it gets to about 1 am and he asks if he wants me to go grab some food with him >sure >we take train to downtown >mm gotta love them hobos >go walk to 24 hour a&w >good shit >decide to take train back >have to wait an hour at the station >God dammit >Adam decides to take out his lighter >nigga what you doin >idea.jpg >he runs over to garbage can >grabs some shit out of the garbage >throws it on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur. Nah, just kidding >and pulls out his lighter and sets this shit on fire >after about 15 minutes we have a nice hobo fire going >hear footsteps >o shit >it's the police >they call parents to pick us up >meanwhile I'm risking charges of arson and a 500+ dollar fine >I'm freaking out >dad comes and talks to the officers >the guys are nice enough to drop the charge and the fine >huge ass wave of relief >dad still pissed off >thought he was gonna go all Chris Brown on me >after a few weeks it dies down >not allowed to hangout or meet Adam >start feeling depressed >fall into slums of self pity and I always go on last night feels thread >crying and hating myself daily now >amazing person is here with me through it >remember that cute redhead from June? >yeah she's my fucking saviour and shoulder to cry on >she's dating someone but I don't mind >she's about the only thing I still have going for me in life and that's where my story is. I'm going into grade 12 and I just wanted to know if you guys have any advice for the next year or just anything. If you went through all this and listened I thank you.
>>703146077 Haven't gotten that far in life yet, so I don't have much advice for that. I'd say just take a leap and get a job, get the social skills you need by talking to your coworkers, and then take it from there. I hope it works out for you
>>703146550 Well I genuinely hope you guys can find the time to be together. I've never had a good friend move away, and I too haven't gone to college yet, so I don't have much experience with this. The one thing I'd say is that even though you said you don't get the same feeling from texting, still regularly do it. You don't want him to drift away.
>>703146673 I just started my senior year 2 days ago have not felt the touch of a women since the beginning of freshmen year just know it could be worse you could be me i only have family very few friends and no qt friends
>>703144176 Anon, I am reading this laying in the dark and can't express how incredible you are for still pushing through life even for the unfortunate events that have occurred to you. Many people would've given up life instantly to an incident like that and hearing that you're putting it out there, looking for potention help and letting all your confusion out is the right thing to do, and genuinely hope you stay strong for these coming years.
At times I think my life is horrendous but it's never as bad compared to others like you and I just have to praise your strength, my depression will probably end me hung but since you've been so strong, can't help to say how incredible you are for it. Trust me, life will be in your favour later in life, just go out there and live it. I promise, anon, I promise.
there is an idea of a me, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there.
Alright first greentext here, but OC so no one will care. >be me, 8th Grade >music is my life >loved to write it and sing >minor depression, nothing too bad >was saved by music >saw her first day >we'll call her A >A was my first girlfriend >only person I've been in love with >3 months "happy" >I thought >First kiss, feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward couple weeks >kiss again, she tries tongue >didnt expect it, ok tho >she leaves immediately >turns out her first boyfriend abused her like that >lies, but I didn't know >I believed it >mad because I didnt put out >wont text back now >maybe she's just feeling bad >breaks up next day >its been awhile now >I've started high school now inb4 "underage faggot", save it >start to see what life is really >turned to music again >it always works I cant write it anymore /b/. I physically can't. It destroys me, I know how, I just can't. She broke me. I'm over her, but she took away the one thing I could turn to no matter what. I just want to make music again, /b/. Just once more.
>>703150127 I already know over 1,000 kanji. It's the vocab and such that's a bit much (doing N3) to be dealing with right now, and plus well....I've become significantly disillusioned by it all. Apart from a previous internship, every Japanese-bound job I apply for is always nothing but smoke and mirrors, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of doing all this and getting nothing in return, and having nothing to show for it but a bunch of expensive things. Trophies to my failures and shortcomings (and mis-majoring).
I regret ever studying this terrible language, so I'm going to stop.
Hey, not many feels going on here, but if anybody has any advice that would be amazing;
>Be me >6th grade >Shit's perfect >I'm in martial arts, have some pretty good friends, just general good times >Then my great grandmother got Alzheimer disease, so I went to visit her >When she see's me, she thinks I'm my dad, so I just kind of try to go with it >If you've had a similar experience then you know the feel, not even gonna try to explain it >A few weeks later I heard that she passed away, and that's the first time I had cried in a couple years at least >Funeral comes >Funeral goes >In 8th grade, almost summer, grades are pretty bad, but still barely passing >End up having to move down to Georgia cause of some bullshit (used to live in Ohio, much preferred) >Get held back because in Georgia you can't get a D, anything below a 70% just goes straight to an F >Go through 8th grade again >Switch to internet school because the people at my school are way to stupid >It's okay I guess, but social interaction isn't a thing at all >Thinking one night about my life in general >My great grandmother died not remembering that I even existed >I can't do Martial Arts (One of the few things I actually enjoyed) >Can't hang out with any of my friends >Met a pretty cute girl when I was visiting Ohio for Christmas last year, so I thought things were starting to look up >Nice personality, I was into her, and I think she was into me >Started getting her number to talk with her afterwards >Her dickweed brother comes up and fucks me over because I'm a year older than she is >Now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere >Can't hang out with my friends >Can't make new friends >Lost any sort of contact with an amazing grill >No idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do
>>703144589 dammit anon. That's my fear. My cat is getting old and I've had him since I was a child. I've moved multiple times and he's the one thing to stick with me through it all. I'm also in college and my mom told me he meowed for two days because he knew I was gone....
>>703140241 dont have the motivation to write out the whole story, nor am i good at it but tl:dr, found a girl and we mutually fell in love, we always were on and off, she had sex with 2 different guys between 2 different week long breaks and never told me until 4 months later. Bitches are hoes.
Dad started chemo recently, he has B-cell CLL and he says he has 5 years to live (been 2 years since he said that). Doctor says its just something he has to live with and its stage one but he has enlarged spleen and a ton of other problems so he thinks its stage 4 or something.
Problem is, we have never been very close and I am going away to college (2nd year) in a week and he just started chemo and I can't be there for him. He has tried his best to be the best dad he could be, he struggles because he doesn't want to be like his abusive father.
But it feels like he has given up. Like he isn't trying to fight the cancer at some times. There is so much wrong with him. He drinks often (3-8 beers a day), smokes a pack a day, has acid reflux, joint and other problems, his white blood count is like x1000 the normal amount, he bleeds easily, enlarged lymph nodes all these problems. Just to make it worse his brother has stage 4 brain cancer and has 2 years to live.
I don't know what I can do. We don't do much together besides watch movies and stuff. I just want him not to giveup and keep trying but I am afraid when I leave for college (8 hours away can't visit) he might get dpressed again.
Any ideas of what to do. I am going to text him nearly daily (he is deaf) and send him lots of pics to make sure he remembers what he is fighting for. Anything else? I'm leaving behind all my comics and making a guideline and what to read and in what order and some summaries to get him reading some stuff because he basically reads 8 hours a day after work. I hope he can quit the smoking and drinking, his immune system on chemo can't handle it.
>>703143504 I feel the same way but with writing. I look back at my old pieces, and they were so good. I was so creative. I just lost my spark somewhere along the way. I don't feel motivated anymore and when I do, it dissolves in less than a half hour. Sometimes my hobbies simply feel like chores. I spend a lot of my time wasting time, until I can sleep and finally get some peace of mind...
> mom died 2 years ago > cancer > last week in the hospital > shes on tons of pain meds > wherever she was awake, her eyes were wide like saucers > thought it meant she was scared > always felt bad to see that look > after the funeral, I'm looking in the mirror and I give my face the same look > realize instantly after doing it, it wasn't fear making that look > she was forcing her eyes open to stay awake > she didn't want to sleep > she knew she was at the end > wanted to soak in life before she died > wanted too see our faces > started crying uncontrollable for an hour
>>703153556 Talk to him about his life bro, let him know you're interested. Get to know your dad on a deeper level. What does he think about life? God? religion? What were his dreams? what did he want to accomplish? Then help him find a way
>>703153286 That's what i try and tell myself. But i took her Virginity, and that meant a lot to me. I was raped my 1st time, so wanting sex with someone (especially that i loved) made a massive impression. We had talked for about a year total Until this past may was the last time we have talked, and she went out of state to a college. I literally have dreams about her breaking my heart over and over again
>>703143504 Yo, when I was in middle school I had an art teacher straight up tell me that I was horrible at all the art I do in her class and I should just give up on drawing, painting, all of it. (Fucking cunt)
Years went by and I never painted, drew, or anything. I would sit there and just think naw I'm no good.
8 years later maybe? Idk Anyways I had joined the air force and had been in for about two years. I thought back to the blasted bitch one night in a drunken fury and decided I was going to paint like those guys who do the space paintings on the side of the street in cities.... mind you I had never done it before. Ever
I just "remembered" what I saw and did it.
You know what?
It wasn't bad and I felt great afterwards. I bought paint the next day and did more. For about a year I did almost 1 a day.
I then broadened my horizons and started other things. I still can't draw to save my fucking life, but I started leather working and leather tooling last year's and now I'm selling shit to people now.
All im saying b/ro is take a fucking step and do it. Don't let some shit stop you from just going for it.
>>703145007 Have you told him that you love him lately? Call him today, no specific reason but just to say "Dad, I love you". My biological dad left when I was 2 weeks old. My "step" dad (real dad to me, always was, always will be) died of leukaemia 4 years ago, i never got to tell him how much he meant to me, how much he did for my mum meant so much to our family and I'll never be able to.
>>703153947 Thanks, I'll try this. He is pretty closed off and most of the stuff I learned was through his sister, for example his father was extremely abusive- beat his sister into coma and his mother had huge mental health problems. But yea I'll try to pry without being too nosy. Thanks for your response.
>>703153855 He has been smoking for 50 years and drinking for 40 I think he can handle a break. His chemo actually last 6 months too.
Been getting really depressed over girls, I know it's stupid. I just have never been able to figure out how to show interest in a girl, and try to take it to a more serious means of intimacy. I can make friends, but nothing more. Any tips on how to try to take that next step? There's a girl I like in one of my classes at uni, we've spoken a few times and she's very kind, how do I get to the point where we go on a date? 20 and haven't ever done this (not a virgin though, fucked a whore on tinder. Just have no idea how to have a close and intimate relationship with a girl)
>>703154925 >I think he can handle a break. and I think you are a total asshat, dafuq does that have to do with anything?
My father was given a year and a half to live and the doctor put him on dogfood. Watching my father eat rehidrated tofu without salt for the last year of his life while knowing that it was doing absolutely nothing for him is something I will never forgive myself for.
>>703155507 Yeah, it *sounds* good, but most jobs in Japan only consider if you're at least N2, and a person can't really study for that outside of Japan (unless they don't work, don't have school...are basically a NEET). Even then, they have to be 'currently residing in Japan' to get the jobs.
I wish I had known this BEFORE I spent the last 5 years studying Japanese.
>>703156205 >>703156201 Perfect. Probably best in person right? Might be hard, I only see her once a week and it's in a class she always leaves with a friend from. I could text her, but that seems lame tbh
>>703142383 >hoping college will take me away from here college can be one of the loneliest places, be careful. Join some sort of club, even if its like a shitty service fraternity because at least you will get to know people. That is my biggest regret in college, as I finish my last semester, in my 5th year.
>>703157050 >>703157213 Finishing this semester, and it'll be my 6th year. I've become significantly less social since I started, both with the general public and my own family. I don't regret it though; I've embraced misanthropy.
>>703144176 I was kinda in a similar situation during high school >have first gf and a best bro that I hang out with every day >mom decides she wants to go to law school on the other side of the country and drags me with her but it all worked out since I just moved back to my hometown and hang out with that same bro whenever I get the chance, also that chick was kinda crazy and has a kid now
>>703139731 >be me >16th bday >pretty much alone >just sit around getting stoned >cry bcuz my dad didnt show up from the casino too wish me a happy bday and too hangout >no one calls me too wish a happy bday Worst bday ever never celebrating bday again
>i dont really have any friends my age because i have a very hard time trusting/understanding people+resting angry bitch face >as a result i am a loner >im online alot >sometimes facebook >dont really do anything on there.... >but my little brother is right in the normie meme shitposter phase, and sometimes i see something he think is funny >or a movie relevant to his interests >so i tag him >i dont do this every day, mind you >only when i get excited that i see something he would like and want to share it with him >he's never really acknowledge any tags >until today >he told me i was annoying >"anon don't you have better things to do? I don't care about your stupid retarded tags."......
i was feeling good today but then he said that and it made me feel sad
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