Why are niggers jealous of dog shit?
Because it eventually turns white and looses its smell.
CPD from last thread
Why were the kids at sandy hook so disappointed?
They wanted books, all they got were magazines
Why is it so hard to kidnap Ethiopians?
They fall through the holes in the shopping cart
How do you tell if an Ethiopian is pregnant?
Hold it up to a light
How do you hold an Ethiopian rave?
Tape a piece of toast to the ceiling
Girl: Daddy, I don't want to go to school.
Dad: Ok but you know the rules *zip*
Girl: Dad your dick tastes like shit
dad: Your brother didn't want to go either.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The one live baby on the bottom eating its way out.
What's the difference between a six-year old and Ford Mustang?
I don't have a Mustang in my garage.
Whats the hardest part of microwaving a baby?
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
Chewing the Wheelchair.
Whats the difference between a Banker and a Pedophile?
The banker will give you two fives for a ten, the Pedo will give you two tens for a five.
And my favorite...
Why are Orphans so bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Three Clergy Men are walking down the street.
Priest: This new couple just who always sits in the front pew have the cutest little boy. Any idea how I could blow him?
Muslim: Of course, a car bomb!
Priest: No I mean like screw them!
Rabbi: Out of what?
Not really a joke, but this happened today.
>be in van coming back from work together with colleagues, around 7 dudes
>roadblocked by police and firetrucks on bridge
>goddamn we gotta go around the whole way
>go around whole way (we need to pick someone up right behind the roadblock)
>pick up guy, he talked to firemen who said there was a suicidal dude wanting to jump from the bridge in the water
>aight, we drive on and wonder if the guy jumped or not
>after a while we stop at a gasstation
>hear sirence approaching
>medical-van with an image of a scuba-diver on the side races by
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them
How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail the other hand to the floor.
How do you fit 40 babies in a bowl?
How do you get them out?
How do you starve a black man?
Hide the food stamps under his work boots.
"Hey. I have black people in my family tree. Pretty sure they're still hanging there."
What do you get when you skin a dead baby?
How many Jews can you fit in a Honda Civic?
46. One in each seat and the rest in the ashtray,
how did they make copper wire in the 40's?
Two jews and a penny.
What's pale, orange, and floats in a pool?
A dead baby.
What's black, orange, and at the bottom of a pool?
Same baby a week later
how many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, and a really big light bulb.
Why were the twin towers disappointed when they ordered pizza?
They asked for pepperoni and got plane
Not mine, found this on /b/ a few days ago
How do you rehabilitate a dilapidated whore?
Stick a ham leg in and pull the bone out.
what's the different between a pizza and a jew?
you take the pizza out of the oven before it burns
what's the difference between a nigger and a sack of shit?
if you drop a nigger and a jew from a building which one lands first?
the nigger, because shit is heavier than ash
a white man is walking around when he sees a massive, towering nigger walking with a pet parrot on his shoulder, he goes and asks:
"excuse me, but what animal is that?"
(this one doesn't really work when written)
what are 3 niggers dropping from a skyscraper doing?
two niggers are in a car, who's driving?
where do you fit 5 jews in a car?
3 on the back and 2 on the front because the holocaust never happened
two white men are walking around when one sees a nigger with a TV in his hands:
"hey! that's mine! oh no wait, mine's home washing the dishes"
Q: What's better than taking gold at the Paralympics?
A: Not being retarded.
Heard a similar 2-part joke
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
Pour gasoline on it and light it
How do you make a dog sound like a cat?
Put it in the freezer overnight and run it through a bandsaw
buck nigger walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter. "My god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims. The nig replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."
>One night a homeless man and a nun where riding on a bus.
>Homeless man says to the nun youre very pretty sister, I'd like to have sex with you.
>The nun shocked slaps the homeless man and demands the driver stop.
>After the nun gets off the bus driver goes up to the homeless man and says SIster Mary Anon goes up to the cemetery everynight to pray for the dead, meet her alone and get her
>Next night the homeless man goes to the cemetery
>Sister Mary Anon is praying for lost souls
>Homeless man dressed as a priest comes up behind her and says Sister, its God will
>Sister says yes but only if we have anal sex, so I'm still a virgin in the Lords eyes
>They start having sex
>Homeless man takes off this collar tab and costume and yells HAHA Im the homeless man
>Sister Marry Anon turns around and yells HAHA I'm the bus driver
Two men and a woman crashland on a deserted island.
After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After a week, the men are so ashamed, they bury her.
After a week, the men are so ashamed, they dig her up again.
Did you guys hear about that depressed lawnmower?
It was tired of getting pushed around.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away in the middle of the night?
How can you tell if a black girl is pregnant?
When she pulls out the tampon, the cotton is already picked.
What's the problem with being a nigga and a jew?
You have to go to the back of the oven
What's the difference between jews and Santa Claus?
Santa goes down the chimney but jews go up the chimney.
A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.