>age 10 grade 5 >picked on quite a bit as a kid even before age 10, just wasn't as bad >been to 3 elementary schools because of bullying >got stuff thrown at me >called every name in the book >ugly, pig, old, mole ear, beaver, and more >kids attempted to follow me home a couple times >tried to throw my backpack in the creek >shrugged it off the best i could with my one or two friends who were actually my own age even though I was miserable >age 11 grade 6 >fastest kid in my grade >man I could run >probably why I wasn't picked on worse >bullying got worse >school got new teacher >I ended up in her class >she was a huge BITCH and I mean BITCH >very obviously hated me >helped bullies by getting me in trouble for no reason >detention every day >whole class hated me >she moved me around the room many times because there was a problem wherever my seat was >straight up told me I was the problem, I was in tears >put me at bad kids table >I was seated next to the worst of my bullies
>>702620838 >found out that I had adhd >shit got better with the teacher for maybe a week >then it just got even worse than before >my parents were called for little to no reason constantly >almost always yelled at when I got home >suicidal >would go home every day and instantly go to my closet, get a noose and see if I had the guts to end my life >in the counselors office more often then I was in class >best friend abandoned me for popular fags >One day I had an especially bad day at school then got screamed at when I came home, I don't remember why >crying hysterically I bolted in my room, slammed the door, threw myself on the bed and just cried more >20 minutes later I remembered something >I had recently learned what self harm was >eyes glanced to pair of medical scissors on bookshelf >got up, grabbed them, and sat down on my bed again >I started scratching my skin, not quite enough to draw blood but enough to make a mark >I started cutting at 11 years old >I felt better, did this every day >age 12 grade 7 >adhd medication doses just kept getting larger >taking 42 m when I was only a child, a small one at that >slowly turned into a zombie >cuts got deeper, drew blood >bullying didn't let up >but I did get more friends, we were the outcasts, nerds, dorks, goths, and emos >what we had in common was that people hated us >treated like I was some sort of disease >I was treated so bad that when my phone was stolen when a kind soul got it back from his friends and gave it back to me I cried tears of happiness >I couldn't believe it, someone treated me like a person, I cried and I cried hard, made my entire week >got into roller derby >I was FANTASTIC at it, holy shit /b/ros, I fucking SHINED >and I just got better and better, stronger and stronger Age 13 grade 8 >roller derby made me somewhat aggressive seeing that I could actually defend myself now >slammed a kid into a locker once, because he was in my way
>>702620907 >my poor bf at the time's eyes widened and just continued walking with me >speaking of that ex he was absolutely insane >emo fag who upstaged all my problems >each time I would say anything he would follow up with "uhh well I was raped so that doesn't really compare" >wtfstop.jpg >he stabbed his hand with a pencil in the middle of fucking class and drank the blood >10x more aggressive than I ever was, though he could be a massive pussy half the time >he never hit me but he talked about gore so much he frankly terrified me >stayed two extra months unhappy because I knew he would freak out >when I did end it and started to walk away, he grabbed my arm and looked in my eyes and said "no! Please don't break up with me!" >the fuck, no it's over >heard he cried all lunch >kids started being able to run faster than i could >"just give up anon, you're weak" >I was dumb enough to actually give up >parents found out I was cutting myself >dragged me to the psychiatrist office >asked me how long I had been doing it >I said since 6th grade >"two years???" My father said >mfw I still remember the look on this face and the tears in his eyes >my mom was really nothing but pissed >never taken back for the same reason Age 14 grade 9 >bullying let up a tiny bit >though I was about ready to give up >still cutting daily, cuts got deeper >ripped apart my skin at one point because I wanted to feel something, even if it was pain >got friends who were like me >a little happier, even befriended a druggie who made some questionable decisions because I literally had no judgement for others
>>702620980 >got gf >at first it was great >took me to her group >she then avoided me, cheated on me, almost got fucking pregnant (I'm a chick....) >I just kept coming back because I loved her >she eventually dumped me >tried to hang out with her so much then I tried to go back to my friends but they weren't there anymore >heart broke >developed anorexia >I slowly wasted away and nobody said shit >I was alone in my former group >no one ever talked to me >reached 95 pounds and no one said anything but the girls crowding me in the PE locker room asking me for my secret to being thin >i'd just giggle and say "I don't know, I love food" >lie, I became too good at lying for my own good >reached 85 pounds >My roller derby skills lagged like hell >figured out that they wouldn't put me on the travel team because I was too small >a hazard on the track they said, that if I was in a real match, I could potentially die >my heart sunk to my stomach >skip to summer >83.8 pounds >would collapse sometimes >vision would fade then maybe 15 seconds later my legs would give out from under me >and I couldn't move or see the most fucked up part was that I was completely conscious >the rest of my senses were heightened >I will never forget how the floor felt under my unmoving body, how my bones pressed into the wood floor >I still remember the way my heart would beat like a frightened rabbit well I lied there on the floor praying my mother wouldn't find me there
>>702621024 >my mother found out I was taking her diet pills >screamed at me >stripped my room >threw away everything even loosely associated with my disorder >even diary entries and shit >grounded >all my dad did was cry >he said we should get strong together since he was an alcoholic, though what he was talking about never happened >age 15 grade 10 >cut off all my hair >faked my friendly personality >even lifted weights to get my mom off my back >tomboys don't get eating disorders right? >actually got pretty popular >bullying almost stopped >no one knew I was still starving myself >exploring myself sexually >sent nudes to random chick on kik i met on omegle >she didn't send anything back >she just blackmailed me for more and more >and if I didn't do exactly what she wanted she would post my pics to the internet >"shhh as long as you're a good girl you're safe" >"shhh we're just having fun" >"why are you crying?" >was actually dumb enough to send more >hours later she wanted to skype me >sent me instructions through kik >to stop the torture even just for a minute I said I was a singer and could sing to her >and I was, I recently got a solo in choir and sung that to her >she said "wow <3 " and continued to praise me for my voice >I smiled through my tears, I was so happy but felt so empty and used >a half hour later she was satisfied >I deleted her shit >for a year or two after I couldn't fap or even look at porn without having a panic attack >claimed to be asexual for awhile to further detach myself from the incident >started to be very afraid of kik >avoided the absolute fuck out of anything related to it >pushed it away like it never happened >told myself it happened freshman year instead of sophomore year as sort of an "well I was young" excuse
>>702621085 >age 16 grade 11 >got kik again so I could talk to a boy I liked >took months of convincing me to go near it again though >ran into solid evidence that the incident was not when I was 14 but 15 >figured it's not healthy to deny shit >tried to fix it on my own >big mistake >panic attacks every week, sometimes every day or even more than once a day >had panic attacks in the middle of class, had to go to the nurses office, fucking embarrassing >I knew damn well I was broken so on the outside I smiled but on the inside I frantically tried to put myself back together >age 17 grade 12 >I had failed at fixing myself >I had just given up, starting being a cunt to cover up that I wasn't whole >I still want to die >at least my problems with food are mostly gone >I'm 18 now and graduated highschool >my boyfriend doesn't trust me one little bit (the guy I liked that I mentioned earlier) >even though I have never EVER cheated on him and wouldn't ever dream of it >he says he doesn't trust anyone >he already abandoned me once based on false suspicion >he came back apologizing and told me he loved me >I'm so terrified he'll walk away again it keeps me up at night >I could never leave him, as sad as his mistrust makes me >I can't trust him not to hurt me >I actually have problems talking dirty with him over text because of my past >I just say it's because all this stuff is new to me, which well it is >he knows it happened he just doesn't know why I act so awkward and detached during phone sexytimes >I may see a therapist soon, I've made a call about it >I'm 18 now so I can go on my own and my parents don't need to know >I have a job so I can pay for it, but my job is about to lay me off I can tell >as the weather gets colder there will be less business and my hours were already cut >that and one of the managers hates my guts for whatever reason
>>702621349 >I'm looking for a new job but I don't know if I can get one in time to keep my therapy sessions if I so choose to start them Optimism is for the innocent and delusional, those of us who actually lived know better than to hope. You can't stop a trainwreck, you can only delude its passengers into thinking they could be saved. Life is like a game of Tetris no matter how many lines you clear more problems keep falling down. Everyone leaves, that's just how it is.
>>702621324 Tl:dr I was picked on heavily and my bitch teacher aides my bullies one year, caused me to mistrust everyone Developed anorexia, at my lowest weight i was pretty sure i was going to die Blackmailed for nudes and managed to get tramatized Tried to fix it on my own but only achieved more panic attacks Have a boyfriend now that doesn't trust me and barely texts me My life is like a game of Tetris no matter how many lines of problems I clear There are always more falling down I can't trust anyone not to hurt me or leave me Optimism is for the innocent
You can still eat with that fork. You can still kill someone with that fork. You can still anally insert that fork. You can still magnetically attract that fork. You can still scratch your back with that fork. You can still see your reflection in that fork. You can still dig with that fork. You can STILL melt down that fork and turn it into something the rest of society labels as "useful."
>>702620838 Narcolepsy seldom occurs in children under 12 years of age; however, when it does, dextroamphetamine sulfate may be used. The suggested initial dose for patients aged 6 to 12 is 5 mg daily; daily dose may be raised in increments of 5 mg at weekly intervals until optimal response is obtained. In patients 12 years of age and older, start with 10 mg daily; daily dosage may be raised in increments of 10 mg at weekly intervals until optimal response is obtained. If bothersome adverse reactions appear (e.g., insomnia or anorexia), dosage should be reduced. Give first dose on awakening; additional doses (1 or 2) at intervals of 4 to 6 hours. saying u took 42 mg a day is a lie faggot fake story kys
I don't know if this is the right thread to post this, but I'm getting some abstract kind of feel and I'm afraid of fucking up. >Be me, 21 yo, average-looking dude >Alcoholic, drinking everyday at the same bar afterwork >one day, go out of the bar for a smoke >ask lighter to cute redhead >Go inside again, drink another pint >ask lighter to redhead again >Start joking with her, her friends are talking about comics >Redhead asks me to join them >Get to know her >She loves litterature >I'm a huge guitar fan, show her some Steve Vai (the song was Erotic Nightmares) >"Sounds awesome, anon. I love the song's title, too !"
>>702629580 >Tell her how much I love playing the guitar, and how it's the closest thing to sex in music >End up having a lengthy discussion about sex >She laughs a lot, mumbles something >Tell her I didn't hear what she said >She softly tells me: "I hope you're as good at making love as you are at talking about it" >allofmywut.jpg >End up getting her number >See her the next week >We end up talking a lot about personal problems and feels >We get a bit more touchy-feely >I'm even more of an alcoholic than before >Man up, decide to change my life >Eat better, start to learn how to drive, focus on practicing guitar >See her again 3 days ago
>>702630158 Cont'd >She looks happy >I'm already on my 6th pint >Talk about various stuff, how I'd like to play the guitar for her, how she wants to read some of my comics, what are her fav books, etc >Then I'm a fucking beta >Tell her I don't feel anything anymore except when I'm talking to her >BRAINWATAREUDOINSTAHP >Then tell her:"You're the kind of girl that I'd like to have a drink with, eat something, bring home and make love to until we fall asleep in each other's arm >Spaghetti fucking everywhere, the whole street is a fucking Barilla factory >She looks at me in the eyes, and answer: >"I'd love to, anon".
>>702630662 >"Really Anonette ?" >Yes, not tonight, but I'd really love it" >Tell her that I broke recently with gf so I'm not looking for a relationship >She's in the same case, everything's fine >She receives a text, her sister had an accident >Nothing too serious but she has to go >Kiss her goodbye, she gets very tactile again and so do I And now I don't know what the fuck to do. Do I text her that I wanna see her ? How can she be interested when I'm this fucking beta ? How should I act ?
Why do I talk to people everyday yet I meet nobody? Why can no one see how much I ache to give my love to someone. The more I hold on to it, the more it weighs me down what does it take to attract someone? I just want an experience, I dont even care if its a good one at this point.
>>702631132 Short answer you probably already heard >Balls >Good hygiene >Friendliness >Not being needy And, most importantly >Being happy with your life in general >Finding the person whose personality clicks with yours >And not being yourself, but being your BEST self.
Kids, get yourselves proper jungian education and you will see the world in an entirely different light, it isn't about something in general that applies to everyone, life is different for all of us and we need to accept and understand this. There is nothing wrong with being a beta, in fact some girls are looking for beta males in the same fashion some guys are looking for a [insert pseudo-random personality trait here] kind of girl. The thing with alpha males is that they speak to the general average personality type of females which gives a naturally high success rate at bars and typical places where these kind of girls go, and the general society overvalues this kind of hookup shit picture of life. Be your fucking self and dont be retarded trying to find apples in a tomato garden. Open your eyes, explore your interests, try to get away from the screen or get some kind of hobby that requires you to physically leave the computer for maybe an hour a couple of times a week atleast and you will find likeminded people. Parties are for some kind of people, not for all, it's just that these "some kinds" that like that kind of sheeple shit are plentiful but I can still assure you that there are non-sheeple out there.
>>702633846 Thanks for your advice, but I don't wanna fuck things upwith her by getting into a serious relationship with her, since we both broke up with our respective SOs recently. I just want to spend some time with her, make love to her and have fun without trouble or complicated shit. I don' t want her to feel bad or being so stalkative and needy.
>>702633734 [cont.] if you want to really unravel that shit of personality types then scratch the surface with MBTI for a starter and then deepen with Jungian functions and socionics relationship theory, combine this with statistics of the different types in the world and get maybe some basic knowledge of at least your own enneagram. If you have the mind required to learn this stuff then i can guarantee your experience of life will become a lot brighter as you see through the retarded shit society is trying to bash into us every day. The picture becomes clear and you will realize there is nothing wrong with you, and that you have a time and place in life, you need to accept it on a deeper level and move away from the incongruency that you have been living in.
>15 days to turn into 20 >I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't expose myself and my gay personality or feelings, only for my lesbian best friend >Both of us are not the type that goes around craving for boys and girls, we just expect something to happen >She's my best company, I want her to have a good first time, a good first kiss and a good first night of sex >I regret my own first gay experiences >Chubby, a few stretch marks, son of a homophobic man >I don't love or like myself, I just imagine myself different in my mind, being how I always dreamed >I always try to make people like me no matter what, I try to joke around, pay them food, invite them for things that I want to see or visit >In the week only goes out to lunch before go back to work again and to college, that's all >Weekends just stays in 4chan and gaming >Decided to change things lately >I feel alone, trapped in a routine >I don't have guts to try new stuff while living around my parents >Feel like a slut everytime when hanging out with gay guys >fuckyoukissedaguyinthefirstdate.jpg >I feel that my kisses lost value, they are not special >Hung out with 5 guys in a lifetime >Told that loved one of them >Never loved him, just feel like saying it, pushed him away later for being a drug addict, I feel like a bitch >Made me feel more mad with myself for seeing my own kiss lose more value >I'm afraid of kissing someone again, or hanging out with someone again
I really want to change, I'm going to try, I just wanted to know that in the end I'd have a prize, a boyfriend that fulfills my needs. I'm alone right now, feeling hollow and sad, my routine is too quiet, too empty, I wanted someone to make me satisfied with life, that all these sacrifices since waking up and dropping to my bed isn't in vain. Lately have been dreaming with a guy, long hair, happy, satisfied, the same guy appears in my dreams and it's been 2 weeks, I don't want to wake up, sometimes I wish that I could die to see him everyday.
>>702634299 >how are you stalkative and needy when you only want an ONS I always send her messages 2 or 3 times a week to ask her if she's interested in having a drink with me, and I always start conversations and want to see her, except last time when she asked me if I was free. And to me she's a friend first and ONS second, she's interested in my hobbies and I feel good when I'm with her >Why would she feel bad Because maybe she's gonna interpret it like I'm pressuring her for sex ? I don't know what the fuck to think.
>>702634449 The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious, or The Psychological Types. I strongly prefer the original Jungian system over the simplified MBTI system, however for starters and more simple people I would recommend MBTI over Jung(im not really putting any valuation here really, it is just a fact some people are more simple and some more complex, each with their own advantages and disadvantages, however I hold my personal belief that alot of people on 4chan have complex personalities (which is according to my empirical studies and real life experience often connected to deep feels and depression)
>>702634797 i thought you only met her once? so you are doing things with her regularly? it sounds like you would like to have a relationship with her? women can say no, you showing interest in sex doesn't mean you are pressuring her as long as you aren't actually pressuring her.
I grew up quickly because my mom was single and that caused me to bury feelings and see them as a weekness. It was a common joke around my house growing up that I had no feelings which is pretty accurate. When I get really pissed I hear screaming voices so I keep myself mellow all the time. I've become so jaded by this I go through every day like an emotionless zombie. I cam fake being normal pretty well and only a few people know how depressed I am because I've been doing this so long I don't remember how to have normal emotions
This also ruins any chance at relationships because no-one wants to date someone that can't be bothered to give a fuck and isn't interested in anything
>>702635321 Honestly the best relationship I've had was with a chick that only used me as an outlet for her sadistic needs. She still dated other guys and to her I really didn't exist except when she wanted me to, but I enjoyed the fuck out of it.
>>702635212 I've met her three times, usually we go at the same bar and just talk for hours. >Sounds like you want to be in a relationship with her For the moment, I'd just like us to be friends with benefits for sometimes, I don't wanna jump straight into a new relationship as I broke up with my gf of 2 years a week ago (due to me being a fucking alcoholic and her behaving like she was my mother). Then, in a few months, what happens, happens, I don't know.
> original Jungian system over the simplified MBTI system
Interesting, I'll take a look when I am in the right mood. I like MBTI, but one must remember it's psuedopsychology, fairly accurate, but not 100%. All peoples has their own nuances and coloring of their personality,and I think the range of nuances are beautiful. Colored by their past, self confidence, enviroment, disabilities/obstacles.
>>702638334 i lurk theese threads often, its a bit of a pocket community on here, you have no idea what you are talking about. some people are sad, and want to share. i had typed up an argument, but its pointless arguing, i just deleted it... most arguments are met with "go fuck yourself" so why bother?
I have always "heard" that, an vibe peoples often gives toward other peoples. I wonder why. Why it's important for somebody "unknown" to push down me? It's just a mess, are they using me to compensate for their own unhappiness? It's interesting to see that many uses me for their outlet of unhappiness, and many of these doesn't even know that, I think. recently I have learned to turn it around, it's never my responsbility to make other peoples happy, and that thinking made me relax more, just be careful of myself and my own emotions, it's easy to be trapped by these.
I feel proud of myself, after all these years, I am still resillent, and haven't gived up into reaching my goals, and I think that I am beginning to enjoy life.
>>702642268 Maybe the problem isn't the movie but where you choose to sit, which may alter your perspective of the movie or draw your focus away from the big picture because your seat won't recline and you can't accept that.
I really care about my wife but I think I want a divorce. She won't cooperate with couples counseling and she is so low libido that our physical relation blows. She is such a cool girl though but I'm unhappy. I know this will crush her too.
>at work, another dismal day >I'm depressed already, not unusual for me >it's gray outside, dark and unpleasant, I simply want to leave work but I know that she'll be there any second >around 3:45 pm, the door opens and I can smell her perfume wafting across the small room towards my desk >mommy has arrived to give me tendies >the other cold callers stare in awe, some in the middle of calls simply stop talking >the air has been sucked from the room, but I don't care. I paid at least 20 good boy points to be fed at work >mommy's crying, she's clearly embarrassed >I yell "BRING ME TENDIES, WHORE" >she's shaken, visibly crying and almost unable to walk, she shuffles to my desk with the warm tasty tendies that I doth crave >setting them on the edge of my cardboard desk she said this was the last time ever >RAGE.JPG >play time is over >i lose the delusion and rejoin reality in my room, surrounded by fake desks and dolls... And piss >I lift myself from my Hoveround™ and smash the homemade desk that mommy worked so hard on. >i reach for my piss bottle, she knows what's coming >as she scrambles for the door I lob the bottle at her head, she ducks and it splatters all over the hallway >BRING ME TENDDIEESSRRREEEEEEEEEEE > mommy runs screaming and crying, I hear the oven starting >she fetches me another plate, sets it down and apologizes while forcing a smile, her eyes puffy and full of tears >I eat my tendies and crank my shaft while mommy watches and cleans up my piss >she tried to take a good boy point but i slapped her bitch face
>>702621349 >Be me >18 y.o male >moved to shitty part of the city >only school around is full of goat fuckers >Had to deal with a school full of goat fuckers ever single day > Had a friend who betrayed me on 3th year >No friends but a school full of bullies calling me a infidel and asking their imam if they can stone me to death. >thankfully imam says no and its better to got me into their religion so they can guarantee their place in heaven >dealing with school full of goat fuckers whos forcing me to join them now >years passed and they gave up on the last year >recently gratuated >thinking I had the shittiest life >until I started to read stuff on 4chan Atleast, I have never cut myself, drink alcohol or took drugs. Just, became a masturbation addict, quit playing basketball and started to play shit on pc.
Hi guys im in my last year of high school and i dont know what to do after. I was planning on doibg what my older sibling did and finish gen ed at a community college and then transfer to uni, but i want to move away soon. My parents are good people but they are homophobic and i would love to move away to uni and start fresh by myself I've done well enough in school to go to most non ivy colleges but my family is lower middle class, and my dad wants me to stay in state. i feel like I'm kind of trapped What do?
>>702642631 >Maybe the problem isn't the movie but where you choose to sit, which may alter your perspective of the movie or draw your focus away from the big picture because your seat won't recline and you can't accept that.
Now you're just reaching, looking for any excuse. Bravery isn't always about saving someone, sometimes it's about accepting the truth for what it is and taking that truth head on.
>>702647297 Not taking any drugs isn't always a good thing. Sure, some drugs can ruin your life, but those drugs are not worth it. There are some, though, which when used in the right way can make you see your life from a different perspective. They can help you realise who you really are. Yes, I'm talking about LSD.
>>702651995 Reaching, looking for any excuse? I like to think of my reaching as looking for any truth. We don't know if our perceived truths are the real truths, so we have to take any concept into account as a possibility. Sure everyone might be different and might not agree, but ultimately, this world is what we make of it. Control over our own body is our greatest ability, and even if we try to think as open and vast as possible, and even if others agree, we still have no control over them, only ourselves. For that, we're all special to ourself, even if some of us can't see it.
I'm not claiming to be better or worse, but I am claiming to be thinking one box outside of the box you think I'm in. Obviously I can't type everything on my mind, so this limits the information you receive from me. For this I understand your assumption, but I hope in the future you can accept that sometimes there's a deeper layer of something than what you believe. The heart of the artichoke isn't described on the outer shells, and it takes time to peel the layers off, but still each and every layer is part of the whole idea of the artichoke.
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