Went down on both of my older sisters when we were younger after we saw it in one of my fathers "magazines". Took my best friends little sisters virgin-gin. That was a wild one. I made out with an older woman recently in a taco bell parking lot. College towns, man. They're a hell of a drug.
>>702529105 I want to beat the fuck out of my roommate because he's a big fat fucking slothful sociopath who currently coerces and extorts me while knowing I have nowhere else to go but to the streets as a homeless person. This guy seldom cleans anything around our place, never cooks, never does anything productive, has the better room with better air conditioning, borrows money from myself and others mostly without ever paying any of it back. He always texts me about buying and/or cooking food for this fat fuck. I just wish I knew someone friendly enough where I live who would take me in and help me escape this bullshit, but alas most of the people that surround me are apathetic sociopaths. I currently have zero hopes of being free. Housing's just waaay too expensive for me to find a place. Most places even want 2-3 month's rent in advance, and I can't ever even save because I make minimum wage and live pay check to pay check. My life sucks, and I dream of beating the shit out of him and driving his new car he currently pays for [even though it has full coverage] into a lake or something... along with all of his precious possessions... and even him! I know not to do any of this though because it simply won't end well for me. It'll take me down a very chaotic dark rabbit hole in life that I'll never be able to escape from [i.e.: Prison]. I'll bet prison's actually worse than my current experience too, because even the guards there are likely psycho/sociopaths. That's likely why no convicts ever reform. They get trapped in a vicious loop of abuse in there with no way out while the free apathetic sociopaths we call "the people" can give a fuck less and simply assume "they deserve it"... If they ever even think about prisoners [0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance of that ever being the case, I'm sure].
I'm in my late 30s, son to a convicted felon, and sexually abused from the time I was 6 until about 9. All my life, I've repressed the notion that I could do intense harm to someone and not be bothered by it. I've still done some awful things, it comes out sexually. Torture and humiliation, blackmail, forced sex, drugging. I've considered all of that with my wife. I don't have any remorse about it either. I think the only way I could be happy with her is if I were to take her down a dark road and break her mentally until she becomes nothing but a hole for anything I want to put in her. My dick, others dicks, womens tongues, objects of varying size. I just want her to be my sex toy. The sad thing is, like many men with these desires, once I masturbate and cum, I don't have these desires anymore. I feel no shame about it, but I just don't want it anymore. I have no qualms with incest either, a fact that I've put in to practice more than once.
When I was 8 I had two sisters as neigbours one 6 one 9, When we started hanging out the older one always got a bit frisky, After while she used to get her dad's porno mags and get the younger sister to do shit to me,
Think the Dad used to abuse them not 100% sure.
About 15 years later I'm at the local pub near me and the eldest sister spots me and starts chatting to me her dog (We apopted there dog as her dad used to abuse it) even though her fella was next to her she was really coming on to me, Was very fucking weird it was clear she remember everything from when we where young as she kept dropping hints.
>>702536032 Abused by my female baby sitter. She would wait until my mother left on a date with my step dad, which was several times a week, get undressed and undress me. She would have me suck her nipples, lick her pussy. After a while, she'd bring her boyfriend over to watch me do it. She'd then make me watch them have sex. Later on, I just thought that was what I was supposed to do whenever I had a babysitter. I had two different babysitters after that. One was teenaged boy, he pulled his pants down and made me go down on him. I didn't argue because I thought that was just what you do. My next female baby sitter, when she put me down for the night and laid next to me, I crawled down to her crotch, unbuttoned her jeans and started licking. She didn't stop me.
>be 14 years old me >in the boarding shools >woke up in the middle of the night around 3am >stomach hurt real bad >toilet is very far >afraid to go alone >insist not to wake roomate >don't wanna show my pussy side to them >shit on the drain next to room instead
I was abused all my childhood, and now because of it I want nothing more than to hurt someone, but I enjoy hurting myself the most, or being hurt by someone. It's an irony really that I'd end up like this, and it's not something I'm proud of... but it is what it is.
>>702537210 Not sure if I ever had an epiphany or a great realization. When I got into my tween age, I had a female friend who must have been similar because at 12 she loved it when we played spin the bottle, which led to me eventually going down on her quite often. It wasn't until my late teens, early 20's that I looked back and realized that things shouldn't have been that way. But it was also about the time my sexual creativity started kicking in, and my desires started growing ever more perverted.
>>702537435 I didn't tell my mother until just a few years ago, when she told me there was a registered sex offender living a few doors down from her, and I told her I didn't want my son playing in her area so long as he's there. She tried to argue that he'd be safe and I told her I was abused, and that I won't let my son ever be at risk for that. She didn't believe me. I guess I never told them, because at the time, I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. During my young adult years, I tried to tell myself I had coped with it and it hadn't effected me. It's too late to save me, but my children will not suffer the same fate.
That's the part that messes you up the most. No one believes you and you're raised to think it's normal. You're not wrong to be overprotective of your child. There's not nearly enough being done to stop predators and abusers and they know this, they take advantage of this.
>>702533303 Yeah, actually. The "incest" continued for about another year. My little child pecker was about the size of a baby carrot so there wasn't any fucking. Just hands and kissing. I have a great relationship with them still and I'm 22 now. My friends sister kept that bit going for about 2 months until she found an actual boyfriend. I brought the taco bell woman back to my apartment. Nice lady. Great body for having had kids. Has 2 kids and is married. Funny story: I broke my wrist playing rugby a little while after that and had to be taken to the hospital. She was the nurse that took me back for surgery.
More secrets: I am into beasteality (I prefer horses). I find the look of an erect dick to be absolutely mezmerizing. Not gay though. Strange. I thoroughly enjoy sounding. I have thoughts of killing. I steal. Alot. I am able to control all these urges pretty well though. I'm 80% sure it all stems from finding my fathers hanging dead body in his bedroom one morning when I was in 5th grade. Another fun fact: This is the first time I have been on 4chan in about 4 years.
>>702538174 They say child sexual abuse continues from one generation to the next. I'm determined to break the cycle. There is some good in me I think, at least by that nature. I think I need to divorce my wife and find a woman that wants the same things I do.
Trap here. About a year into my transition my dad started having feelings of attraction for me, one thing led to another, and now we're fucking around on the reg. My mom and two brothers don't know about us, and I know if they find out it will destroy this family, but I can't stop because I'm in love with my dad and he's very good to me. I never feel more loved or more like a cis girl than when he's spending personal time with me, and penetrating me. I don't know what to do and I'm thinking about an hero, but I don't want to die. I'm so tired of crying about this every single night...
Ive been really wanting to fuck my sister in-law for the past few years now. I know that she will not allow me so Ill need to drug her or something. Other than that, Ive settled for fucking her clean panties and cumming on her other stuff.
>>702538386 aaaaaand the cherry on top (I keep remembering fucked up shit lol). Still slightly attracted to my sisters. The oldest definitely still thinks about it. I think my middle sister has forgotten completely but that's the best part. She is a model. An actual high fashion model. You know what that means? Topless shots every now and then. Can literally find topless pics of my sister on google. I jerk it to that shit like once a month. Takes a special kind of mood to do it.
>>702538174 I've come to realize that when I try, I can be a master manipulator. I've done some acting, both on stage and screen, but I honestly think I'm wasting that talent. I have zero qualms with hurting or even taking someones life, I can blend in with any group of people and make friends and earn trust fast, and I can manipulate conversations and people to do what I want. So far I've used those skills mostly to get what I want sexually (it probably won't surprise you to know I've cheated many many times), but I have to wonder if I could use those skills in some way as a job.
>>702538940 I know that. Tried. Didn't work for shit. I am doing much better coping with it myself. I promise. It's a really weird feeling knowing that you're fucked in the head. Current GF is fucked too. Makes it easier. I'm just a slightly crazy engineering student. It's whatever. If ya'll got any questions, fire away.
>>702539053 There are websites now that seem to cater to people who have sexual desires such as mine. I'm just a broken person, and I think I need to find someone who is as broken, as much or in the same way that I am.
>>702529105 I was sexually molested by my mother. When I was about 6-7 years old, she would dry hump me. Me being at the bottom with my uncut penis and her squatting over with her panty-covered pussy. I dont remember ejaculating but I remember that my penis was hard. She did this several times and the last few times, she would shove her panties side-ways and let our genitals touch. No fucking at all, its just my penis and her hairy pussy sliding. This is why, I now have a MILF, Shota, panties, dry-hump fetish. mom died when I was 8
There are anon but the best thing to do is try to keep the best of both worlds, if you have the ability to completely disregard your conscience you should be able to keep this up and even if you get caught, it's not biggie cause all that will happen is that your wife will up sticks and leave.
I have my own issues that have made me who I am but because I'm responsible for a life other than my own I have to tread carefully.
My response is pretty late so I apologize, but yes it's true that abuse is like a chain. It often does carry on through generations... and often the abusers were the ones abused. It's very tempting to use other people in order to vent your frustrations.
>>702539167 ...and then i wipe myself n went back to sleep. The next morning everyone going crazy after they discover human shit in the drain. And i was standing there like "hmmm whos shit might this be"
Oh god OP I'm sorry about that, that's horrible. Just know that it's not your fault and that she wasn't much of a mother for doing that to you anyways. I just hope you were able to get help or some form of justice somehow... society isn't exactly kind to male rape victims...
I have quite a few friends, who are these really great amazing people. People I wish I could be. They think I'm a good person, and I've never manipulated them or tried to pervert our friendship. But I feel I don't deserve them, and I definitely am thankful for them. They honestly think I'm a good guy, if not somewhat grumpy. They don't know deep inside the terrible things I want to do. The things I know I'm capable of. I sometimes fear I'll turn them away by slipping in to the real me.
>>702540035 I get what you're saying. You really nailed it, I can totally disregard my conscience when I choose to. The problem is the sex between my wife and I doesn't fulfill me, and I've caught myself trying to get what I want from her.
I completely understand you, I've had the wife in tears once or twice when I've tried to raise it to a level where I'm sexually satisfied, part of me feels shit for making her feel like that, the other half just feels empty because I'm not getting what I want.
What's worse is now I struggle to sustain an erection when I'm with her, I have to think about someone/thing else to maintain it and then kind of work within the parameters that I have.
I never comment on here but I genuinely empathise with your situation. That shit literally haunts you. Similar stuff happened to me (3,7, 14, and when I was 18 cab driver raped me when I was drunk) and its immensely difficult to carry that shit and feel normal. I don't have a violent bone in my body, I think and hope - but normal everyday thoughts and relationships are difficult as its almost like there's a dark filter between me and the world. Probably talking to someone professional would help but idk.
I refrain from relationships because I'm a single father raising my daughter by myself. That being said, I like watching girls fuck and blow animals. I also like watching girls get gangbanged. I've always wanted a relationship with someone that would do obscene sexual activities with me. I like pissing on girls, I like to tie them up and abuse them a bit. I also fantasize about killing paedophiles for fun. I don't abuse my daughter and I'm generally regarded as a good parent. I've only exposed my dark fantasies to one girl once, and she wound up being into the same stuff, never got together though because she's married. I'm forever alone with my sick fantasies. Fml.
>>702540805 cuz thats what ive been fascinated with ..... i know how u feel cuz im the same way ..... ive looked but never found and the ones closest to me dont know how manipulated they have been untill its too late !
This is a completely irrelevant line of code in every /b/ thread - ""/b/ - Random" is the birthplace of Anonymous, and where people go to discuss random topics and create memes on 4chan."" like even the devs are faggots here
>>702540475 not really dead but she has been missing since then. have not told anyone. maybe if she had been there until highschool I might have chosen a better path? other than that, I have the fetish. IE: milf, dryhump, lingerie
>>702541007 I have a daughter. I'm somewhat afraid I'll subconsciously mold her in to having some sexual desire for me when she gets older. When I masturbate, I've pondered if she'll be beautiful and if I'll be attracted to her. But I'm determined not to let that happen to her.
>>702541152 Same here. I think about her sisters, or I have to envision some incredibly kinky thing I want to do to her.
>>702541220 Yes. The filter skews everything. I've had many female friends over the years, and it seems I've almost always have tested the water by bringing up sex in some way. I know some of them have distanced themselves because of it, others outright cut me loose.
I can't stop taking opiates and benzos. I have no emotion or desire to do anything unless I'm high. I've withdrawn and tapered off dozens of times and then immediately push the few people in my life out, then have to go back to getting high to save relationships, jobs etc. The reason this is a secret is that everyone thinks I'm sober now but I'm just railing opana and somehow they can't tell the difference
>>702540786 Is that even possible? I find it hard to believe if you're able to access 4 chan. I don't even think that's legal...but I do hope you can find a way to leave that situation... don't give up hope.
Why resist, anon? You could be fucking her even now. Do you really want to look back on this day and regret that you weren't going balls deep in your daughter? I don't think you do. I truly... do not think... that you do, anon.
My sexual translation of the abuse or way of dealing with it or whatever is almost like welcoming or seeking more of it. Punishment? Idk but in that way I'm not like you. Very self-sacrificial and submissive. And I do believe I'm genuinely a good person - philosophy has been a huge help to me.
He takes care of all of my expenses and financial needs, I do whatever he says however he says whenever he says.
If I'm insubordinate, there are consequences for my actions. My behavior dictates how I am treated. This may be being left in the basement for a few weeks, or gangbanged until I know my place... However long that may take. Either way, if I'm good I am treated well. If I am not, then I am not treated well. He is just in his actions.
I don't really know if this is a dark secret or anything but it's something I've never told anybody because I don't think I could seriously tell anyone because of how ridiculous it sounds.
Anyways... When I was a kid (7 or 8) I kind of had a school yard girlfriend you know how it is. Anyways my cousin told my family and they did the whole grilling thing. Anyways, since then I've always been an awkward fuck about finding a girlfriend or getting laid etc. I accept the fact that I'm not in shape and not the best looking but I'm quite a confidant guy in other areas. I can talk, hold down conversations tp guys and nice looking girls etc but the idea of telling my parents I'm in a relationship or actively looking for one makes me so anxious it's terrible.
I'm also too much of a pussy to put my face on any kind of dating website.
>>702541987 Because girls don't like that I have this much responsibility. Every time I would date someone they would dump me as soon as they found out I was a single father. So I just don't do it anymore. It's an abnormally shitty feeling getting dumped because you have kids. Literally no one wants to deal with it.
Please, if there is any shred of humanity within you, for the sake of your daughter seek some professional help. Please don't put your daughter through a lifetime of pain because of your sexual needs. She is a child, you're well aware of this, and this is wrong and sick. She is mentally incapable of fulfilling your desires and grooming her to your needs will only ruin her life even more later down the line.
>>702542635 As I've said, I'm determined to break the cycle of abuse. None of my children will ever know such harm. I'll exit from their lives in the most humane way possible before I let that happen to them.
>>702542710 Think carefully, anon. As stupid a phrase as YOLO is, you really only will get this one chance. The desire is clearly already there. You want to fuck her. You're holding yourself back for nonsense reasons. Isn't it time you stop concerning yourself with the opinions of sheep, and take what you want like the lion you really are?
>>702542005 I would also like to add, as a fellow abuse victim, that if you ever allow your thoughts about your daughter to materialise, you no longer deserve any pity or compassion - you know what this does to people; don't let it happen again.
Its my life goal to leave the world a little better than I found it - that's a form of justice and closure that you could never hope to attain whilst becoming the same demons you're trying to fight.
>>702543385 At the time, I saw her as just an adult. But when I look back, I doubt she was older than 17. I remember her being thin with nice breasts. At least the mental image I can recall suggests she was attractive.
>future generations You'll be dead. Resist if you must, but I've already sewn the seeds, and now it's time for you to sew your seeds... into your very daughter's womb. Succumb to your desires, grip the handlebars of your own destiny, and you will thank me when you're laying on your back, your daughter's pussy sopping wet and dripping with your cum.
I'll check back on you in a few weeks, anon... don't disappoint me.
>>702543614 I agree, and it's the one of the few things that I've ever not been able to stifle the shame I know I'd feel if that were to happen. I'm raising both to be empathetic, and compassionate, and smart. It's too late to save me, but I can leave behind responsible adults who are better people than I am.
I masturbate to vintage jet ski commercials. Have a fetish for mouthguards, gloves, leather. I manipulate people pretty well though not often. Typically lovers as I fear hurt and lack of control in with that kind of interpersonal relationship.
>>702539109 Ey I have the same "skill", try going into sales or public speaking. I worked in a gym where I got a bonus for every new member and 5% commission on every product sold. Needless to say I made a lot more than anyone else working
>>702544398 just to talk and exchange the way we sometimes feel .... comparisons and reaching out .... no boundaries unless set by us ! im looking in a mirror and i too have a weird tension in my stomach..... you have it and if u write u write ... if not then i may never know !
>>702542757 I feel for you as well - could very well have ended up in the same position. More than enough men out there willing to actively groom young boys for D/s sex slave relationships. I spoke to many.
>>702542013 You will end in death. I've lost more friends than I can even tell you. Especially when they made OCs harden in liquid. Get help. The program whatever. You need to realize you need something daily. Buphenorpine, whatever. Do it please. Not for me, for yourself. Hep or the plague. More than 50/50 chance when you had to IV.
>>702544710 Given my propensity for violence, and utter disregard for physical and mental harm I inflict on others, I've wondered if I shouldn't fake my own death and let the government use me somehow. (I know that sounds wacky, but its one of the ways I've thought I could take my negatives and use them in some positive fashion.) When I think about it, that would solve my problems at home, my kids would just think daddy died. There would be no anger or feelings of betrayal when/if I divorced their mother and moved away. Less chance of them happening upon or finding out that daddy is a sexual deviant.
>>702545092 Mmm wish I had a good answer there. I've just gotten better over the years with constantly reaffirming to myself to not like tamper with a person's free will. In my case also it isn't as much like total bullshit about who I am, it sort of comes when later if things get "serious" I can string them along, or sometimes the opposite because I recognize they have that sort of personality. Like constant subtle pos/neg reinforcement and use of verbiage to keep them hooked. Every girl is different so it varies. But yeah, I've gotten MUCH better about it. Then again I did have a short but fairly serious relationship going and about two weeks ago she moved to another city as we had planned together, I am now still in the same place and about to move to a different city alone. As of two days ago she never wants to speak to me again. Sooooo Idk. First time this kind of shit has happened in a while.
I'm just surprised that it happens there, since you live in a place that's supposedly "free". I don't think it would be that easy to keep a person captive for so many years. There'd be family or friends or authorities looking into it wouldn't there? I just find it hard to believe, since this is a first world country. But hey, anythings possible I guess.
>>702535073 Holy shit tru Actually tru to some extent. I almost fucked my maid once and i still fap to her everyday hoping that one day I will embrace her and have the best sex of my life. She's seen my erections and she has seen me fapping so I think she's slowly getting seduced. Everytime we're in the same room my dick becomes diamond and it becomes really hard for me to control the animal that just wants to ravage her. Heck I'm gonna make a move tomorrow and see what she does
>>702545582 Honestly, this is probably the most genuine I've been in years. I mentioned earlier, but I'm shaking over here, not even sure why. I've posted in these threads before, but never have I been so completely honest and unfiltered. It scares me to confront all this for public judgment.
I am a sissy and nobody knows, recently i told my gf that i like crossdressing alot and she is okay with it. I want to become a 24/7 sissy slut and i wish i could move to another country to live my life like a whore. I like being a guy but i also want to take hormones to be more feminine. I am not trans or bi gender. I am simply a faggot sissy but i like girls way more. My biggest fantasy is to be a sissy slave for a dominant woman. What have you done to me 4chan?
>>702545092 Maybe just cut all the bullshit now and hope for the best? I don't know to what degree you are basically a fictional character to her. Like I said I moreso lie not about myself but manipulate the reality of our relationship, etc. So maybe just cut it out, hope she still likes you. If not move on? I dunno I've lost lots of really cool girls so I kind of don't sweat it as much any more.
Man... that's a such a shitty situation. Well.. I just hope the people are nice to you... I would love to help you but I don't think I can. Just take care of yourself, okay? I'm actually worried here anon. I'm not really sure how this stuff works but just keep holding on and don't give up hope.. that's all I can really say.
I have repressed violent tendencies. I just get real fucking mad, real quick and don't do nothing about it. Worse case, I play handball but it's the same thing. I just glare at people. Some dude tried to 1v1 me but I held him off and did glare at him. One teammate said that he'd go out of the hall if I looked at him like that and the other said "You gave him a look as if he raped your family. It was pretty scary"
Anon you should always be yourself and be completely honest when it comes to relationships if you want them to work. If she doesn't like you for who you are that's her problem not yours. Never be afraid to be you, you will be much happier and feel much better not holding yourself back. Just let her know you've been too shy to really show your true colors to her but you want to try.
Ok one other thing here. I do not believe in any certain religion per se, but I have practiced more just neurologically based magick for a little over ten years. I have twice used it to really fuck someones life up that has majorly wronged me. It has been years since that. Hate on this all you want, but that shit really works. It's astounding.
I was locked up by my mother for extended periods of time as a child. Or not aloud out of the house for almost entire summers at times. I don't have violent desires or anything but I think that imprint has definitely affected how I see the value of human life and a person's freedom.
You need to let these pent up feelings out, or else you will explode and unleash them on someone or something who may not deserve it and regret it later. Try to find a healthier way of venting your feelings. There's nothing wrong with having emotions or letting them out from time to time. If possible look into therapy. In the meantime, try something like punching a pillow with the face of someone you hate taped to it or something.
>>702536696 here Thank you everyone, for the candor, the words of hope and advice, and the understanding. I'm a broken person, I know this. If there is any good in me, its that I won't let my children suffer my fate. That does not change my desires or deviancy, as it will likely come to play at some point.
>>702544710 >>702544822 Its funny you should mention that, I was once told by my friends that I'm a natural salesman. One even told me I could sell snow to an eskimo.
>>702548229 Haaaa yeah. Personally I'm pretty sick of hearing that shit. I hear it constantly, and definitely have a reputation with my peers and other regional companies as being the best, etc. Like I constantly get commended by how I'm a pro at manipulating people. Like I literally make all my money off of that. Best of luck to you having such a personality also haha.
I have I guess, a twink body type. I'm small of build but what I've got is toned. And well, I fantasise about getting nailed in the ass by a big, burly muscle daddy. I don't come across as quire, but I just can't stop fantasising about this shit. It makes it slightly worse that the thought of getting dominated, or I guess you could say 'raped' and beaten up by a guy who's bigger than me turns me on immensely. I could never tell anyone in real life, I just fucking couldn't.
>>702551868 Tons of sources. All self taught, aside probably two others who have kind of been slight helpers. As I said I don't exactly subscribe to any religion so I just ball up tons of stuff into my own thing. But obviously certain base things are needed. Practicing kundalini and learning to control "prana" can get you really far when using say certain rituals that are centuries old and may not actually fit your beliefs. Use of vibration and energy flowing through you coupled with deliberate delusion whilst various practices is I guess my thing. So I've learned from tons and tons of different means. Hope that answered that?
>>702551868 Ok also, a lot of people would likely generalize what I'm talking about as "chaos magick" or like based in Thelema. I do and do not enjoy generalizing myself as either. But maybe those are starting points for better understanding what all I'm talking about.
>>702553167 ITT furry faggot that wants to be a slave is looking for attention on 4chan. Riddle me this faggot, if you only get to post once a year, why the fuck are you saving furry pictures? Was downloading gay furry dicks the first thing you did? You're a fake, a liar, and subhuman trash. Get a fucking life.
>>702552544 You said you use vibrations and energy flowing through you. Can you actually sense them? Cause I can do this weird thing where I concntrate on certain body parts and they begin feeling electric and tingly. Is that the same? How can I use that energy?
>>702553341 Mmmm probably nearly any school or religion of magickal practice CAN work in theory. That's a sort of grey question for me.
One thing I will say is magic has made me both more sane as far as I feel I've had some both amazing and terrifying glimpses as to "how things work" so you need to be ready for that. And also be ready to go ahead and start bending your own reality before you realistically expect to bend object reality. Like program your outlook. Eventually form can follow frame, so to speak.
All that being said, you really do have to be ready to assert some delusion, like bend your own reality first. There are no limits within the mind. Then throughout garnering that headspace overtime you just can't let yourself actually go crazy. Like it's nice to be able to still function within society, I am very much of that opinion after years of seeing results or making mistakes with magick.
I've attempted suicide over 30 times. I'm only alive because I was stopped each time. What I can tell you as a veteran at attempts is that it is definately not worth the effort. You're better to just vent in some sort of healthy way. Seeing the faces of the people who've caught you are really shitty.
>13 yrs old little shit >I stole a toy car from my hometown's toy store >everyone knows each other >owner went to school with my dad >went home and played with it >feelsbadman.png >crept back in the store and put the car where it was
>by far the gayest thing I've ever done >and I've sucked some huge cocks
I think it's because no one really thinks it can happen to a boy so it's just easier..?
My owner says it's more common because it's significantly easier.
>>702554627 My owner now was not the one who did any of those things. As for locking me in the basement, I deserved the punishment I received. I had clear expectations and instructions and I did not follow them, and I was punished exactly as I knew I would be.
>>702553238 No I do def do not. I'm quite a human being, that I'm fairly sure of.
Outside of magick, and possibly exacerbated by it, I do however have obsessive personality type, which I've learned to deal with and enjoy in some regards. And I do vibrate on a nearly manic level. But I don't have like violent thoughts, or outbursts, like the typical misconception of all mania. Mine often feel ecstatic. And it's a little unavoidable. While I've practiced things for years that are for relaxation, healing, introspect, peace, etc, I've also practiced things that arguably train your brain to move at a faster "frame rate" (for lack of better term.) Hence, maybe inherent mania.
>>702554046 Yes this is possibly along what I'm talking about. Maaan we could talk about this for a while. For real start researching kundalini and various regions' ideas of prana (and their own respective version of such things)
>>702554046 Another thing, just for the record. If you do practice all this longterm. What they refer to as "kundalini syndrome" is very real in some cases so be careful. Also after years some energies just go, some areas are just open, and some frequencies you dial into just kind of never stop. Mostly always works to my advantage, but I did have one period of a couple years where a particular energy flow through me ruined almost all of my relationships. Hence me mentioning in this thread 'it's good to still be able to live within society' lol.
>>702545010 so are you two brothers or what? brother/sister? interesting enough either way. For me, it was mainly going down and kissing. We found my fathers nudey mags and looked at them together. Age difference was 4 years for my middle sister and 6 for my oldest. I was like 8 or 9 at the time. Never had them at the same time though. I remember them bickering over who got to try it first and that I had no say because I was still the youngest. We're cool with each other now. Middle sister is married and I babysit every now and then. Oldest? I'm not so sure about her. She might still have feelings which is fine and dandy but a little weird.
>>702556861 How long; I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to disclosed that. It's been more than a few.
Finding 4chan; I can't honestly remember... I think someone talked about it, or maybe I saw it on the news or something... It was a long, long time ago either way.
Being Monitored Online; Yes, though it's not really that big of a deal I don't think. It's not like he's filtering every single tiny thing I say or look at, but I mean I have been dishonest at times and I don't mind he likes to monitor what I'm doing to ensure continued honesty and such.
Good Boy Points; Sort of... It's not like I can cash them in to buy a watch or something... haha. But the better I am and have been, the more likely I am to get things I want and/or prefer, and be rewarded.
>>702557009 Yeah exact time frames like that I'm not really allowed to discuss because it could potentially be identifying. I do apologize about that.
My owner enjoys the control and satisfaction, as well as the simplification of a relationship without any complications.
No, I don't have a fetish for being owned or anything like that. Not at all. It's just the way things are. Though I do imagine some of the things that have happened to me over the years have to some degree shaped my interests and preferences both sexual and not, naturally.
I self mutalite not out of depression, though I wont lie that used to be the case, but out of sexual gratification, the picture below is one I took last night. I also often masturbate to both drawn guro and irl gore
>>702542543 fuckk i can relate to this. my whole family would tease me constantly from a young age about finding girlfriends while simultaneously hammering it into me that being with a girl is disgusting, so by the time i was 16 and was interested in a girl, almost hitting it off, i couldn't get to the point of asking her out even when i knew she wanted to be together. there was one time my sister saw us together and i flat out said "i don't really know her, she's *other guy's* friend", got home, parents giving me the most punchable grin so i just shut myself in my room.
now 21 and a virgin , she's the only girl i kissed.
No deep dark secrets, I just never told anyone i'm bi, dont want any drama around it. I dont like the idea of having a partner but im also afraid to stay forever alone, it would suck. But the drama most people make in their lives and relationships keeps me away from it. Only if I could find a resonable person around my age I'd be pretty happy.
>>702560812 I never met a girl thats not a drama queen or batshit crazy, the cute and cool guys I know are usually straight. I had some partners in the past but I never had a long term relationship. For me Its more about the type of person someone is, and I back out pretty fast when i see someone is choking me or forcing me. Whats your story if I may ask?
One time a girl shot me a bootycall while she was fucked up on Xanax, we got up to her room and fucked for a while, she passed out With me still there, So I fucked her while she was asleep, she didnt wake up, I came so hard
>>702561817 basically the same reason as you. I enjoy simple things like fast cars, blisteringly fast/loud metal, working with my hands to create, etc. and have yet to find a woman who is appealing to the eye and likes all of those and doesn't have some kind of hidden crazy factor. To be fair, I'm in the middle of fucking Iowa. Slim pickings here.
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