/b/ please help. what do I do? >be me 19 >at university
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
/b/ please help. what do I do?
>be me 19
>at university
>live on campus
>keep mostly to myself but have a few friends I talk to here and going to classes keeps me sane
>the last two weeks were mid semester break
>everyone goes home leaving only a few people scattered across campus
>my entire dorm minus one guy and his girlfriend who also keep to themselves are gone
>through the first week I just masturbated and surfed /b/ a lot.
>barely sleep at all
>start trying to entertain myself
>walk around naked as a thrill
>wank a couple of times into the kitchen sink
>harmless fun really
>2 days ago I was walking around the dorm and found the key to some sluts room in one of bathrooms under this pot thing
>people leave their keys places so they don't lose them on nights out
>everyone with a brain took them when they went home
>go into her room
>holy fuck /b/ I don't need to tell you I had a fucking field day
>no computer or anything or even a dildo which was sad but plenty of panties for me to bust a load in
>bring my laptop down into her room and set up
>have marathon wank session on /b/ and /gif/
>put her g strings into a pile and cum on them
>that night I took a bunch of meth I had and went back there
>was out of my fucking mind and ended up on really weird porn
>scat shit
>get an idea in my methed out mind
>take a huge shit onto her bed
>chicken out and don't wank with it
>get most of it cleaned up but it's smeared into the bed sheets
>after that I walked like 4 hours to McDonald's and back then went to bed
>didn't really sleep just had those vivid half dream half thinking things you get on uppers
>it's Sunday night now. People started getting back before I woke up.
>no idea if the girl is back yet
>haven't left my room today because I'm terrified
>I don't think I closed her door and I still have her key
>I haven't heard anyone freak the fuck out yet. So I think most people aren't coming back until tomorrow.
Wot do? Please help fix my shit
>>702497333
Trips confirms autism
This is pretty fucking interesting. Bump
>>702497464
Not diagnosed. But yeah probably
>>702497333
Take more meth. Clean that shit, throw away the key and act normal if anyone ask. Or take more meth and poop more
Lay low for a few weeks and everything will be fine. (Be cool) keep the key though ;)
>>702497695
I already took it all. There are people around now, I can't just go pull the sheets off her bed. Maybe in the middle of the night
Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!
>>702497333
is this autism?
>>702497807
>who was here over break? WTF???
>it was only that couple and that one weird guy
>I wonder who it could have been!?
Youre fucked, possibly expelled.
>>702497923
Yes. I already said that.
>>702498075
I'm so fucked. Can they really expel me for this? What with sexual freedom and all that shit people love now?
>>702498217
>What with sexual freedom and all that shit people love now?
>Sexual freedom
Kek!
>>702497333
Tell them you brought your dog into the dorms and she left hers unlocked. You tried to clean up doggo's nervous shit and missed a few spots. You'll get bashed for having animals in the building but that's it
>>702498379
This sounds like a plan that I could maybe pull off, but maybe I've seen too many movies.
Someone else confirm if this will work?
>>702498485
It sounds better than "ya I broke in and shot on her bed"
>>702498522
Lol yeah true. I also remembered while writing this thread up that there are a bunch of panties with cum in them in her room. It's not really my main concern but still
>>702498485
What real choice do you have OP? Come clean with this or lay low and pray to whatever god will forgive your meth driven antics.
>>702498485
>>702498615
Yeah, it'll work, as long as you can prove you have a dog. It won't explain the undergarments, assuming you haven't cleaned those up yet
Also, morphine is better than meth and you don't lose your mind
>>702498661
>come clean
How does this play out for me?
Don't give in, you didn't do a damn thing.
>>702498746
Go to grill, say you were DRUNK, maybe say your friends put you up to it, apologize profusely, offer money for damages. 50/50 she doesn't flip shit and keeps quiet, other 50 is she still gets some authority, rendering you fucked.
If you have any bros lying around get some "witnesses"
>>702498746
Not very well. If you are good with lies, go get a dog and do as the anon say.
>>702498704
I don't have a dog. I can probably get a hold of one though.
Fuck, I'm just gonna go get 2 weeks of food then lock myself in my room and pretend I'm not here. Fuck my life.
OP do you still have this key? if so timestamp? I would love to know that this story is legit.
>>702497333
If you've left anything in there that can identify you, you are completely fucked. If not, keep quiet, ditch the key and act ignorant. Not much else you can do. Based on what you've said, you'll get away with it if you keep your cool. Also that's badarse as hell, would have a beer with/10.
>>702497333
>>didn't really sleep just had those vivid half dream half thinking things you get on uppers
i thought i was the only one
>>702498983
>Gets food
>locks self in room
>roommate flips
>cops show
>resist arrest
>land in infinitely more shit
Naw, OP, you gotta do something. 1% chance of survival is better than 0%
Unless you an hero, but that seems extreme
>>702499141
Nah there's nothing in there but my shit and cum.
>>702499102
It's literally just a plain blue key.
>>702498983
Go to administration or some shit and say you say some really dodgey homeless looking guy run out of the building and dropped the key as he ran off. They'll think some creep brown in and did it unless they have security cameras
Say you were taking care of your parents' dog or something
>>702499187
Fuck man I could write essays on that shit. It's so fucking weird.
>>702498983
If you get questioned on it, you need to present your best case possible. If campus security comes in and your room is in complete squalor they will suspect you immediately. Get your room looking spotless like your not a psycho, as normal looking as possible.
>>702499307
(Follow up) might not cause if she wants police involved they'll go through cameras but what choice do you have?
>>702499195
We don't have roommates. Just a shit load of tiny rooms
This thread is fucking gold
>>702499307
Broke in*
>>702497333
If nobody noticed you going in there LAY THE FUCK LOW. There's no good reason to take the heat for something stupid as this if there was no real damage done. Get rid of the key.
>>702499346
They get me talking as if I'm in the situation I'm dreaming about, and it's trips me out hard...
>>702499363
Fuck this is a good idea. I'll get cleaning right now.
>>702499387
There are no cameras as far as I know
>>702498704
The police could probably identify you by the cum, if they wanted to (and are contacted).
Could you maybe make up some homeless guy who broke into the dorm? Fake some evidence and you will be fine, if you are suspected.
Only the sheets are filled with shit or the matress too?
>>702499289
You're golden then. Act cool, don't act all reserved in front of your roomies or else it will reflect suspicion back on you. Chill out and do stuff in the common room with other people and act ignorant. This is coming from someone who lived on campus for 1 year (before moving into a shared rental), and I tormented the fuck out of my entire dorm. Did drugs constantly, crow bared doors open to steal booze, terrorized the shit out of random people, walking around on shrooms at 2am. Play this cool and you WILL get away with it.
>>702499363
a spotless dorm room?? totally not suspicious at all
>>702499542
I'll doubt they do a dna test if police get involved, it will probs be a campus issue
>>702499542
I guess so. I'll go for a sneaky walk in a bit I guess to see if there are any people around. If it's clear, what kind of evidence do I plant?
>>702497333
This sounds like UNSW from the dorm descriptions.
>>702499542
I'm not sure about murrican laws, but here in yurop the police can't just come over and demand a dna sample. If there's no reason why they would suspect you anyways.
>>702497333
post pictures of her panties and the cum on them.
>>702499653
Better than one filled with drugs and jizz
Maybe just act completely ignorant? Unless the police are going to do DNA tests then there's absolutely no solid proof you did anything.
What law would you actually be breaking?
>>702499522
You can probably lie your out of it if there's no cameras
>>702499716
Like what lol? They have bathrooms and no roommates?
>>702499653
There are people out there who don't enjoy living in dirt. I know it's hard to comprehend, but these people actually keep their shit sorted and clean.
Fucking weird . right?
>>702498344
>sexual freedom
are you:
a) a girl/trans/genderfluid/other in
or
b) a cis white male
if a, you're fine
if b, it doesn't apply to you
>>702499696
Dildos, butt plugs, /b/anana peel
An hero in her room with key stapled to cock or in your ass.
>>702499866
supposed to reply to
>>702498217
Wow Anon, you're fucked, not fucked as in bad stuff will happen to you, but fucked as in fucked in the head, probably from all the meth.
>>702499884
Another suggestion is to come out as trans and blame the patriarchy.
>>702499987
I'm not an addict. It's just occasional recreational drugs
>>702500013
>interlaced png
RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Go to a homeless guy, and put on a mask.
Say that if he wants to earn some money he'll have to do exactly what you did.
Give him the key and afterwards pay him.
Sounds like you really shit the bed op
>>702499864
good one mate
>>702499696
Maybe like a torn up piece of clothing that a hobo would wear, or you could just take the panties put them in a bag go some where like 10 mins away and throw them out. Someone would be less pissed that someone stole their underwear than that someone came in them
>>702500110
To do what?
>>702497333
>the last two weeks were mid semester break
bit early for that don't you think?
Alright I'm gonna scope out the place and see if people are around.
>>702497333
What university anon?
>>702500267
In Aus it's mid
>>702500267
No need for conspiracy theories
>>702499542
>>702499696
The police aren't going to DNA test a whole dorm full of people. Half of them have rich parents who would shit themselves at the invasion of privacy and sue, and the police know this. Don't go saying anything or making up stories it won't work. Remember they have nothing on you at this point. Absolute ignorance is the best game plan. A simple "I have no idea" is what you should be working with here.
>>702500267
Could be trimesters or quarters. Although it is weird he said semesters.
>>702497333
walk by and toss the key inside if the door is still open
if its shut then put it in the pot at a safe time
>>702497333
>story the whole campus will go crazy over
>is afraid of being identified as culprit
>posts the complete story with details that clearly identify him on /b/
I like your style OP
Sounds alot like Monash/RMIT at the moment lmao
>be me 19
fuck outta here
>>702500698
oh shit
he's fucked
>>702500698
What details? No one Can figure it out right?
>>702500831
What
>>702500831
get out of here old man
i was browsing this shit when i was 12 and im 21 now
>>702500680
I'd add to that that even if the door's open, it'll take you like what, thirty seconds at most to lock it, and another thirty seconds at most to put the key back. All you need is a minute where people aren't around.
>>702500940
What Campus you at? I'm willing to be a "witness" for you and say you were hanging with me in my dorm during the time of the incident.
sounds like your shit out of bunk, op.
your up shit sheet without a pillow. .
>>702497333
Deny everything. Forever.
>>702501190
Top kek
>>702501064
Yeah but it's still fucked in there. Does it change anything weather she has to unlock the door or not before she freaks out?
>>702501176
How the fuck would that even work?
>anons friend (anon2) says he was with him at the time, in his dorm. Oh yeah? What dorm is anon2 in?
>>702501176
I feel like I shouldn't say that
I've heard of three sheets to the wind, but three shits to the sheet?
>>702499825
Breaking and entering, trespassing, vandalism
>>702501064
>going inside
leave that bitch open. don't even look inside, do a motion like youre going to scrath your head or something and just extend your hand out a little
ez
>>702501402
Not breaking and entering if he had a key, retard.
>>702500940
>be me 19
>my entire dorm minus one guy and his girlfriend who also keep to themselves are gone
So the one single weirdo who was still there did it. Or do you want to claim that "the homeless guy" made this thread to make you the suspect when someone from your campus sees this?
Anybody got a good idea of how to sneak into a girl's room and hide somewhere while she has sex? I'd like to listen
>>702501474
I knew someone would say that and I realised my mistake just before I posted it but laziness hoped nobody would point it out
>>702501484
Wow fuck. Seriously considering killing myself
>>702501235
It looks obvious someone was in the room if the door's unlocked and the key's not in its usual place. By leaving everything as it was beforehand the shit stains could be attributed to something else like a leak from the roof/floor above.
>>702501592
Fair enough.
>>702501601
Worst that could happen is you get expelled anon, schools and universities etc don't like getting police involved because it makes a good news story
>>702500940
Relax man, they have nothing on you at this point. Anyone could have got that key, she could have left for the holidays with the door open. Don't put the key back, that will prove it was someone who lives in the building. Ditch the fucking key and tidy your room. If you're that worried, put a photo of a random girl in a frame in your room and hang a local sports team banner on your wall. You must become as normal as possible. Second you start lying about seeing a homeless guy or something in there they will immediately know it was you. Any anime posters must be removed. You sound like you are going to fuck yourself over with obvious lies at this point.
>>702501569
Go to your local church on a Sunday morning. Some wild stuff happens and you can hide behind the pews.
Hahaha holy fuck just dump her sheets in your dorms washing facilities at like fucking 3 or 4 in the morning. Quickly replace hers with yours then live out the remainder of your dorm life sleeping in your own shit, godspeed you funny but fucking retarded lad
Test
>>702497333
as long as you shut the fuck up and don't sperg out, nothing's gonna happen you fucking retard
>>702501601
Do it.
Come back as Hitler and don't invade Russia next time around. All this degeneracy, especially 4chan, would never have existed.
>>702501484
Or the fact he said people started returning, but the girl hasn't returned yet. It could literally be any of them...
I'm getting so much conflicting advice. Has anyone been in a similar situation?
an hero in her room
thats the only way and you know it
>>702502118
>Has anyone been in a similar situation?
made me laugh. no, i bet not. this is pretty unique.
>>702502118
>Has anyone been in a similar situation?
lol
>>702502118
Yes
I just came back to my dorm after semester break and someone shit all over my bed and jizzed on my underwear.
It's been a while since I've laughed. Good job, OP
>>702502118
Yes, but it wasn't college it was my neighbor's house. Just act like you have no idea what happened.
>>702502118
of course, we all shit and fap everywhere on a campus
seriously, like i said a few minutes ago : shut the fuck up and throw away the key. if someone asks you if you're responsible, just say you weren't here everyday. that's pretty simple.
>>702502118
No, bu seriously just act completely ignorant. The only proof it was you is that you were one of the only people in the building over the 2 weeks, but how do they know it wasn't somebody from a different set of dorms who broke into your set of dorms, and into the girl's room?
>>702502307
>>702502118
I've sucked dick at a glory g
>>702502338
Story?
>>702502315
At least someone is getting something good out of this.
>>702502237
Maybe not her room but considering it. I'm on the verge of a panic attack, I can't deal with this.
OP you deserve everything that's coming to you.
>>702499289
Dude you are one of the three suspects, even if you didn't leave anything you would still be the primary suspect.
Go back if you can and remove those bedsheets and probably other cum stained clothes from her room and get rid of them.
Then lose the keys.
>>702502755
What's the worst that can happen? At worst you'd be checked in a mental/desintoxication center. That'd be pretty relaxing.
Timestamp faggot, post a picture of the key or her room(not recommended) but Timestamp
>>702502755
I know this might sound ridiculous at this point, but calm down. Panic won't get you anywhere. If you claim ignorance you won't have a problem. After all all you did was open a door and make a room dirty - even for perverted reasons this isn't a THAT big deal. People will wonder who did it and there will probably some sort of investigation, but as long as you don't admit you did it there's no way they can get you, so calm down.
Also don't try to do the policemens work by giving them fake evidence - if they find out it's fake they will of course heavily suspect you. If someone confronts you just tell him you learned in your room and watched a bunch of movies in your room. Make up a precise story about what movies you watched, what you ate, and learned.
>>702500444
checking that full house
>>702503188
>a time stamp of a random key is proof of anything
Wut
it would be really nice to know if there log the internet traffic...
the couple watching eat pray love and the guy watching scat movies...
They don't have any solid proof it was you, just say you were out with friends the whole week they can't say you weren't SK nothing will come of it
>>702503741
They most likely do
>>702503741
Holy fuck. I didn't think of that. Should I do something to stop them knowing? How do I fuck their servers or whatever? Impossible?
>>702499825
Dna testing is just the movies kid
>>702500110
underrated post
The girl would be scared and traumatized for life.
And that is fucking impressive dude.
>>702497333
dude you're fucked, you act like they wouldnt have some sort of cameras in the hall ways and that she couldnt jsut ask the RA who the fuck was here during the break... especially since you still have the key retard
someone please take this and make it into a best of 4chan moment. Include me in screenshot too
>>702504520
They might have cameras in the hallway but I've never seen any. It's a key I can get rid of it in seconds dude. You're right though, I'm so fucked
Why has noone realized the truth that the only real solution is to do more meth
>>702504303
*wrong*
While there's a whole lot of shit in CSI miami that doesn't work, this does surprisingly well.
>>702504738
well its literally they jsut need to check the cameras for where the key was, and where her door is...
>>702504922
>somebody pooped in my bed!
My God! Break out the dna testing kits! i want 10 officers on the case around the clock!
>>702504738
dont panic dude. get rid of the panties and the dirty sheets. everything is better than stuff covered in cum and shit. she will get home and would wonder about there sheets are gone...
get rid of the key and the meth. and. never. do. meth. again. you.fucking. moron.
and then: profit.
>>702505079
>somebody broke into my room, pooped on my bed, came on my panties and stole 500$ i put on my desk! Must have been sexually motivated, therefore it's pretty much rapem therefore it's pretty much murder,
The first link on google says such a test costs 100 bucks, that means the police can do it for cheaper.
http://www.genealogyjunkie.net/how-much.html
>>702505134
if it's still possible then this. This will be written off as some minor incident, if this is not possible anymore then lay low.
Is this in Churchill?
There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I'm gonna sprint in and rip off the blankets and grab the panties. 20 seconds in and out. Then I'll run straight down to the toilets and into a stall where I'll fold everything a bit neater and walk calmly to the laundry.
Wish me luck lads
>>702505670
Good luck, anon, thoughts are with you
>>702505670
godspeed you glorious faggot
>>702504175
just put the building on fire.
Now.
Timestamp it
>>702505670
you fuck, pic of the panties, dont forget to take a pic of the panties
Give us a pic OP, we were the only fucker there for you in your time of need.
>>702498379
Except he came on everything
just put game of thrones season 6 episode 10 on repeat then when they walk in to question you its like you have marathoned game of thrones for the last week and then you can talk about how 'such a good show' and its like nothing ever happened and if they dont want spoilers they have to btfo. ez
OP got caught
>>702500738
Ey Melbourne man
bebop u still here tho
Literally OP
RIP OP. We can't even say he died heroically - just a perverted meth abuser.
rip op
kek they will know its you if things have been moved to laundry has to be someone in house shit plan
>>702507408
>girl enter the room
>that smell... someone took a shit in my bed, did they take something ?
>check everything
>There is cum on my panties...
>hear a noise at the door.
>grab a knife
>hide
>OP comes in, grab the panties
>never liked that guy anyway
>stab him to death.
You will be missed.
Alright lads everything is washing as we speak. I didn't get a picture I left before I saw the messages.
I had to lock myself in her room with the light off for a few minutes because I heard people nearby. Literally almost had a heart attack.
Fuck I hope she doesn't come back randomly before I get everything dry and back into her room
>>702508094
Oh and I wanked into the panties again before I washed them
Who /devilish/ here?
op, you need to ditch the sheets, panties and key completely. Don't try to wash them and put them back. You will get caught
>>702508094
How long until the washing will be completely finished?
>>702508171
this
>>702508094
Just get rid of the stuff for fucks sake
>>702508094
You did good. The obvious traces are gone and even if she comes home now you heavily reduced the possible damage.
Well done.
I also doubt the shit stain will come out of the sheets
When this is all over someone needs to break the rules and get the thread deleted. No evidence, we must protect OP forever.
>>702508171
>>702508222
>>702508237
Doesn't it make sense to make it look like I was never there?
>>702508094
How many panties are we talking about? If it's only a few don't even bother. Forget about the sheet completely.
>>702508300
Really? Fuck. Wtf do I do with the sheets then?
Fed Uni?
RIP OP. He was too good for this earth anyway.
>>702508337
so many things can go wrong and if anything at all goes wrong they'll know its you
>>702508415
Just come clean...
UNLIKE THOSE SHEETS!
It makes sense to look like you were never there, but the more you're in her room, the more likely you are to get caught
>>702508337
less room for error in just chucking everything
>>702508415
You take the sheets dumb ass and throw them out outside of the campus and the panties if it is only a few.
>>702508415
Put your sheets on her bed, providing yours are relatively clean, then you can have the ones that are being washed, so if the shit doesn't come out then it's ok.
>>702508337
Yes.
But.
The risk of getting caught is getting bigger by the second. As you said people are coming back in.
Someone stealing her stuff seems a lot less bad than someone shitting and cumming all over her stuff.
Put the key back and get rid of the rest.
There's 5 pairs of panties. Would it be totally crazy to just keep them?
I could burn the sheets maybe?
>>702508415
replace with your sheets, at least you wil be the only one who knows what you did
>>702508667
dude take fucking pictures of them, why is that so dificult to understand?
>>702508591
>providing yours are relatively clean
>relatively clean
>clean
>>702508769
I will when I get them again. They're in the washing machine
>>702508667
FINALLY YES, BURN THE WHOLE ROOM
NO EVIDENCE
FLY TO PERU
femanon here, a little shit stain on sheets could look like a little period stain (they turn brown). It might be alright. Use your judgment
>>702508880
tits?
Screen cap me senpai
>>702508170
you are a fucking legend
>>702508880
Would you ever fuck a guy like OP?
>>702508933
a pair of great tits
OP keep it simple, bring sheet and panties to your room, keep panties if you are sure no one will find them, throw out the sheet outside of campus. Dont go back in here room, put kee back where you got it.
Kek this went too smoothly, I was hoping he'd go for the hobo story
>>702508933
boobs?
>>702509134
Maybe, I wouldn't do any of that scat shit
Why the fuck would he hide the sheets? He might as well let everything be and just wait to see if it comes back to him. Then probably an hero
>>702509154
Guess i'll have to make do with this, *unzips pants*
>>702509341
the best boobies you'll ever see
>>702497333
Take some other shit and put it somewhere no one will ever look and act like she was robbed
The washing should be close to done. I'm gonna get the sheets and panties, take a photo for you guys then put them in my car and drive them somewhere to dispose of.
I'll be back
include me in the screen cap :^)
>>702509728
why the fuck did you wash them for if you're going to throw them away ?
It's going to be great when you go to your car and you meet your mates with a bunch of panties and sheets.
GL
Do this anon
If somebody finds out if was you and calls you for a talk - get a bunch of womens clothing and makeup
Put them on. Go and have a talk. If anyone mentions they think it was you - tell em they are just saying that because you're a trans-scat-genderfluid-asexual feminists and that you were only called you because of discrimination. If they don't back off - call the local news and tell em you got a discrimination privillege case here. You'll be fine OP.
>>702509728
put them back in the room its not as bad
>>702499289
DNA is a thing. If it looks like a weird sex shit explosion, and it does, they'll probably want to track the cummer down, so to speak.
So yeah, get all soiled stuff and burn it.
>>702509728
holy fuck op put them back dont fuck this up
we have to keep this thread alive until he's back
ok anon, do this, make the place looked robbed just break stuff and put the place on fire. everything will be fine
>>702509942
yeah and leave a note, "sorry i entered your room and kind of accidentally jizzed on your panties and sheets, so i cleaned them, see you soon, xoxo <3<3<3"
>>702509999
CHECKED CHECKED CHECKED
>>702509999
chekd
>>702508880
Period stains don't smell like shit
Are you retarded, femanon?
>>702509999
quad speak the truth !
Pro tip: don't do meth.
OP is beyond fucked. No point of salvation.
>>70251007
if put them back as they were nothing will raise suspicion. remember she aint been there for 2 weeks unless something is real obvious then he would be fine
>>702510172
Didn't even show her female mammary glands, so probably not a femanon.
>>702509999
checked
>>702510172
Washed out shit stains don't smell like shit either.
>>702510438
Feel free to prove me wrong...
what do op?
So are you going to just play dumb when people ask where her panties and sheets went?
>>702510520
He already did, retard.
>>702510438
Here's my educational diagram
>>702510967
>No timestamp.
God these newfags and boys-who-think-they-are-girls.
>>702504890
he is out of meth, dumbass.
>>702510967
i'm an ass man sorry
we need to keep this alive
>>702497333
Go get everything you stained, put it in garbage bags and throw it in a dumpster across town. If u get caught, say u found the key while drunk and tghrew up in the room.
Somebody better cap this whole thing
Hi mum
>>702497333
If the room has a window, break it from the OUTSIDE. Get rid of the key. Start training your pokerface.
I'll be fucking pissed if I get back from my shower and this thread is gone.
>>702500069
So you're just fucked in the head then?
>>702511466
Get off 4chan and go get a life son. I love you, but really, it's time to stop being a faggot.
~Mummy
>>702511559
Faggot it's possible to be both productive and occasionally use recreational substance, it takes a special type of will power but it IS possible
Ditch the key on campus and leave the rest to fate. Deny everything and don't speak of it to anyone.
>>702497333
You're fucked, I'm in the dorm where this happened and now I'm going to snitch on you, fucking creep. Hope you get expelled.
Someone please cap this shit
>>702511814
timestamp and pics
>>702497333
if no security cams i see no problem, aside from your autism
>>702511680
I forgot to mention but don't involve yourself in any drama that comes up from it either. Just ignore everything.
You should be okay
>>702511546
loel is the same for me
>>702511814
How do you know you're in the dorm? Is she already back?
>>702497333
I think the only thing that'd make sense at this point would be to kys
>>702512000
Chekt
>>702512000
It's b8
>>702497333
Campus living sucks anon. It's not just you. The only friend I made was my roommate, because everyone else as far as I can tell was a fucking idiot. I'm not even autistic or a social retard. I just didn't get the drinking and the puking every other night.
>>702505670
>>702497333
Do nothing, make yourself scarce and an unlikely suspect. Get an alibi.
ITT: fucking retards
Nobody is gonna know who it was, the police aren't gonna be running DNA tests on somebody's shit, that's a waste of time. Just keep your mouth shut and nobody will know. People are acting like this is a fucking crime drama TV show, you have nothing to worry about
Toasting in epic bread
is op dead
>>702512911
He has nothing to be worried about regarding cops, but maybe he doesn't want everyone to know he is the kind of guy that goes in girls room when they aren't here a fap with his own shit while watching scat vids.
>doesn't want everyone to know
>post on /b/
meh nvm
i just have to know how it ends.
Throw away everything OP, dont try to put them back in. If they have cameras, and you get questioned you could always say you had too many beers and walked in her room but dont remember much else. If they search your room you should be fine. Act normal and you're good to go
alright heres what you do
>go back to the room
>take more shits
>sit on the bed
>wait for gril to come home
>convince her this is normal
>marry her
>shit in her vagina while shes wearing your cum panties
>9 months later
>turd semen babies
>profit
>>702497333
Embarrassing, but yits up to you to not flip out. Have to accept things like that about yourself if your ever going to have any peace. Also, you've been up for too long. Get some sleep before you really fuck up.
>>702513670
Not that that wasn't fucking up, honestly, but speed does that too a lot of people. Makes you go places you wouldn't.
>>702513622
his dubs and my dubs confirmed to do this
>>702509999
quids
where dafuq is op drivin
>>702513899
my dubs and their dubs confirm this
>>702497333
You also need to ask yourself if your on video. My schools all had hella video. So, damn son.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JQhUj2s9RM
I bet you act like this kid
>>702513899
his dubs, their dubs and my dubs confirm this
also 99 get
>>702514268
meant to say 56 get
>>702514099
holy shit
>>702514312
>>702514268
just give up on life
Never change b, never change
>>702497333
OP, the solution is simple. adopt a free cat from a local shelter and lock the cat in the room. also put a food bowl and water dish out so the girl will think it is some stupid prank someone tried to pull.
>>702514360
what about the jizz on her panties?
>>702514360
>that involved jizzing everywhere and taking a shit on her bed then trying to clean it up
U JUST GOT PRONKTD
>>702513380
Why would some college fags know if the police don't even know? Like I said, keep your mouth fucking shit and it won't be a problem
>>702514360
And the cum in her panties?
Or is it a horny cat?
63 get
>>702514477
The cat will lick it off.
this is now a get thread
starting with the 63 im about to get
>>702514477
>Lock homeless man in there
>???
>he eats the cat
I reckon he should then lock a Rottwhiler in there for good measure.
>>702514099
Holy fuck how is this not the spotlight of the thread??
>>702497333
How can they confirm that you were there over the whole break? Drive in the direction of someplace far, and get a few receipts on your way back, gas, food, hotel, whatever. Then use them as proof that you went somewhere and just came back. The supposed destination needs to be plausible, but not necessarily confirmable, though. Parents house, the beach, whatever. I doubt that they will go as far as calling your parents to confirm your alabi. It's at most, vandalism.
>>702513622
>t. indian hitch
oh rajneesh
rolling for 99
>>702497333
>>702502118
>>702505670
>>702508094
>>702508170
>>702508667
>>702509728
OP I like your style. Keep truckin' man
>>702514477
>>702514534
OP can steal the panties and throw them away somewhere when he locks the cat in the room
>>702514496
if op takes the cum panties and locks the cat in there with food and water the cat will most likely shit everywhere if it isn't house trained. they will see the brown spot and assume it is a little bit of diarrhea
check my dubs
while we wait for op to return ill post tits if someone rolls quads
Ditch the the key OP and act like nothing ever happen.
>>702514962
Whatever you do, leave her door unlocked. They will assume that she forgot to lock it when she left and that is how they got in.
>>702514099
damn.
OP i hope you was wearing some gloves becouse they can track you back by your finger prints
Dubs : OP is in jail
you faggots better not make this thread reach bump limit before OP comes back
Is OP kill?
>>702515147
Why not
Did she leave any unwashed panties in her hamper? Take a nice long sniff.
We need pics though. If it's a fat chick, just throw all her clothes away. They will assume that her room was burglarized.
>>702497333
did ya du it?
it sounds like some hobo found his way in while everyone was gone
>>702501385
Criminally underrated post
>>702497333
PUT THE FUCKING KEY BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT WHEN NO ONE IS NOTICING AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
OP should frame the couple that stayed there with him
>>702501385
>>702515497
Samefag
>>702515611
Kek
Bump limit reached boys, this gonna die soon
