Ability to shit through mouth and eat through ass hole.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Ability to shit through mouth and eat through ass hole.
Maybe I don't have any superpowers you just have a very high opinion of yourself
>>702491492
the ability to be brought back to life when i die but only in the middle of the sun.
The ability to know how bright a light source is. But only artificial
>>702491492
>>702492004
To breath under water but only when not wet.
To walk through walls but fall through floors.
The power to reunite the German empire under a single flag but only on Tuesdays.
The ability to hear.
>I'm deaf.
The ability to do whatever I want
Except when I want to.
>>702492179
>The power to reunite the German empire under a single flag but only on Tuesdays.
Kekkeroni
AWWWWW SHIT LEGENDARY THREAD INC
The power to turn Cheeto dust back into Cheetos for a few seconds.
The ability to see through walls but only at 4am
The power to shove Cheetos up your ass and fart out Cheeto dust.
The power to sense when Cheeto dust was present on a surface.
The power to turn Cheetos into Cheeto dust by focusing your mind.
The ability to taste your own butthole
The power to absorb Cheeto dust through the skin to eat.
Money
The power to become a Cheeto, but only when being inside a small space.
>>702492060
The yellow and white one would be perfect for some of the autists on here
>>702491492
Ability to read one persons mind for a month. Completely random. You can read their mind and communicate with them, but you have no idea who it's going to be next. And this will only last for one month and you will completely lose all ability to read that persons mind ever again.
>Oooga booga booga ooga click click
>>702493126
That's useful if you want to rob somebody. You don't understand this game. Please make your superpower be "You can use 4chan whenever you want except when people are on 4chan" asshole.
The power to stack 500+ Cheetos into a massive Cheeto tower.
Helium makes your voice deeper
The power to talk to cats. Not Lions or tigers. Just ordinary house cats.
The power to throw Cheetos with the impact force of a ping pong ball.
>>702492060
that blue on top right looks nice for me
The power to create a fireblast with your hand only underwater
>>702491492
Depression
Feminism
The power to sense when Cheetos are stale with your mind.
The ability to lavitate 2 centimeters off the ground over flat surfaces,
turn invisible but only in a pitch-black room
>>702492534
The fucking nutter
The power to make Cheetos incredibly durable when held in your hand.
>>702491492
ability to read niggers' minds
Run backwards while looking like you're running forward.
The power to turn Cheetos green with your mind.
The ability to create a clone of yourself who lectures you about how bad your life is for an hour.
The power to make Cheetos temporarily invisible.
>>702493613
Ouch..
knowing the truth.
The power to balance Cheetos vertically on your fingertips.
The power to turn invisible but only when nobody is looking.
The ability to be a bigger faggot than OP , Altho that proves to be impossible
>>702493720
You could be a great detective with that ability
A stomach that never gets full.
The cheetoh guy is really unfunny
The power to summon one cheeto every hour.
The power of giving people an itch they can't scratch
>>702494140
So you turn invisible, and then nobody will ever look at you again, so you stay invisible forever right?
>>702494451
no, as soon as someone gazes towards you you turn visible
>>702491492
>Useless superpower
The USA.
You can turn invisible but you fart uncontrollably the entire time
>>702494505
The ability to predict future but totally unable to change it.
>>702494505
ROFLCOPTER xD
You can become a human flame but you aren't immune to fire
The ability to talk backwards, but only for 2 seconds every 100 trillion years.
>>702493956
Kek now thats a useless power
>>702491492
The ability to know everything in the world - cold fusion, absolute zero, world peace, what women want - and teach it.
But you're stuck in a world where no one will listen and nothing but you're brain works when you try to explain these things to anyone else. The only guy who can understand you is >>702493612
>Goodluck
Have the powers of superman, but only if you die
>>702494745
oht yhw tub
You can read peoples minds but you yell out what you are reading
>>702494785
>tips fedora
m m m m m mlady
>>702492179
>To walk through walls but fall through floors.
You could just jump before going through the wall...
The ability to be happy
Cum that melts things like acid
you can know what someone ate by smelling their shit
the ability to throw cheetos with 100% acuracy, but only at yourself and not in your mouth.
the ability to perceive yellow as green and green as yellow
>>702493410
Pretty good if you can still taste it. I mean who the fuck likes to lick cheeto dust off of their fingers
The power to fly only in the Sahara and when it is snowing
>>702493894
Da fuq is "lavitate" ?
The ability to use the lavatory ?
The power to smell a fart a mile away
>>702492060
the white/blue on top right means that if I masturbate with my eyes closed I have the best body ever, that's not so bad, also if I am fucking with a blindfolded partner after I explain the situation
sign me in
the ability to cry when you don't want to
>>702494202
Person, I do not know how familiar you are with the common dimesticated feline. But science as proven them to be very selfish creatures with a extremly high amount of free will. Not intelligetn, but not enough fuks to give to the human race XD
>>702492179
>To breath under water but only when not wet.
Tape a glass of water to your head. Congratulations, you can now breathe in space.
>>702494447
That's not useless. You could fuck around a lot
to ability to be annoyed when you want to have a good tme
>>702494505
Ability to instantly shed your finger/toe nails and never grow them back.
>>702493894
Literally all of India has this power
>>702494927
How is that bad?
The ability to make your dick growing in size but only when singing YMCA loudly
>>702495566
You'd be the biggest hit on gay stripper parties though.
>>702495437
>Face is wet
enjoy solar radiation nigga
The ability to always pee straight unless your senses are impaired.
>>702495638
You're smart
>>702491492
Ability to know if someone's called Steve in a 10 foot radius
The ability to understand what went wrong the moment after you make a mistake you can't repair
>>702495679
That's actually really convenient.
No more after-fap shotgun.
No more completely random dribbling and spraying
>>702495774
>learn from every mistake you ever make
>start making less mistakes
>>702495774
Just cause you can't repair it doesn't mean you can't repeat it on a different object.
>>702495755
>I know all about you
>who....what? I don't know you
>Listen, Steve.....
>Who told you my name? WHO TOLD YOU MY NAME?????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
>>702495550
>kek
Eyes on the back of your head but they peer inside your skull. You can only do this while operateing a motor vehicle.
The ability to cook too little food, so you are left hungry and unsatisfied.
>>702495755
>Steve, Jesus loves you.
>>702495755
>I'm your gardian angel, Steve
>>702491492
My unique superpower is to feel deeply depressed even under the most joyful circumstances.
The ability to read languages you know how to read in sufficient lightning.
the ability to turn your head left when you want to turn it right
>>702495437
There's no up or down in space so anon is not under
Ability to grow hair on your tongue.
>>702496448
How is that a superpower, and not a disability?
>>702492060
Green and White to counteract my assburgers.
The ability to have very succesful children, but only if you have sex
the ability to sense every fart within a 5000 mile radius two seconds before it occurs, but power becomes inoperable within 500 feet
Power to accurately point out the number of insects in a 25 meter radius.
>>702495755
>I can read your future, just 10 bucks
>Yeah, sure bro
>You are.........Steve?
>OH F-
The ability to ejaculate a tiny duck.
The ability to understand people very well, but have no one understand you when you communicate.
>>702496897
>fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap
>ggggnnnnnnnnnn
>SQUEK (o)''<
>>702491492
The more a person hates you the hotter you look to them and the more somebody likes you the uglier you look
>>702496311
I mean, at least I wouldn't need my glasses anymore
The ability to create the dankest memes, but your threads always 404 with no replies.
The ability to skip to another time and place when in danger
But only as a nigger in the 1920s in the Deep South
>>702496992
That sounds interesting. You could win some competitions that way, while of course also being less likely to win because the jury will hate you...
>>702496992
2 words. Hate fucking.
the ability to turn money into poop
The ability to attract all forms of bullet, but you aren't bullet resistant.
You have a huge hard penis whenever you're aroused, but you're a woman.
>>702497145
You could crash the entire economy or fuck over people that annoy you
>>702494620
I'm pretty sure that's a standard feature.
>>702497231
Fuck off baylie j
>>702494785
You need the ability to know perfect grammar, son. On top of knowing that those things are trivial to "everything in the world"-scope concerns. Even I could teach absolute zero, fuck.
You have a massive 9 inch dick when soft but when it's hard it becomes 2 inches.
>>702494795
So, you come back as Superman? Because Superman comes back from the dead a lot.
>>702491492
The ability to post to a thread on 4chan
>>702491492
Ability to make myself happy
>>702497254
Basically being a Jew then
>>702493446
Have seen batman?
The ability to be the best player in the world at battleborn but shit at every other game.
>>702497222
So I would be able to attract that underage tomboy which is Bullet from The Killing? Fucking great
>>702497337
i think, his grammar. is fine?,
>>702495664
He'd probably freeze to death long before he could think about cosmic/ solar radiation.
>>702495557
Because it's the ability to be happy, not the ability to remain happy.
If you can be happy, you know something else than sadness, banality, or passion. That means, of all those general miasmas, happiness is the one coveted feeling that you can never keep.
And that may make you more sad, or passionate, or destitute. As opposed to knowing nothing else than sadness, anger, or (undetermined), and being perfectly content with life.
>>702491492
Soo..basically that episode from south park where people shove food up their ass and shit out their mouths.
Original the character(do not steal)
>>702494488
it works against cameras faggot, easy robbery
>>702497574
What if the camera is operated by a non-human agency/a brain in a jar? Are we counting "gazes" as lines of sight from conscious observers?
What the fuck is consciousness?
>>702497499
But you cant lose heat i a vaccuum.. Thats why a thermos works
>>702495755
"Hello Steve, my name is Dan and i'm from the witness protection program. Please come this way"
"Ummm, how did you ev..."
"No time to explain Steve, just follow me into this alley"
"This place looks dangero.."
"Oh my god Steve, behind you, a cat!"
*Stab the fuc out of Steve while head is turned*
*Proceed to loot body*
?. Profit?
>>702497528
I don't think that makes sense.
For if I choose to use that power for an extended period of time, or even forever if I feel like it, where is the drawback? I can be happy for the rest of my life and not give a shit anymore.
Distinguishing being and remaining is not a valid point.
The ability to hold your breath indefinitely but if you do it for more than 2 minutes you will die.
>>702497672
not through thermal contact but yes through radiation. you would slowly tend towards -273
>>702495755
"You're dreaming Steve"
"Wake up"
>>702497672
>can't lose heat in a vacuum
Hahahaha
>Hahahaha
>>702495230
That happens more than you think
>>702497736
Let me rephrase it.
The curse to die if you hold your breath for two minutes.
It's not a superpower.
>>702494924
you're retarded
>>702497222
wear ultra good bullet proof vest
get a job as a human shield
>>702497372
that isn't an ability, but funny nonetheless.
Here's one: The ability to make your erection grow to 11 inches, but only when thinking about Jonah Hill.
>>702497254
Not really, when money is destroyed they just print New money. Bit then if that money is turned to poop as well causing a sanitation issue more than an economy issue
The power to accurately distinguish between a true island and a peninsula by tasting a tablespoon of soil.
>>702497731
But we didn't specify as to whether or not you can choose to use the power for an extended period of time prior to this.
It just says: the ability to be happy. The state of being isn't implied to be fixed, because it says
>ability
>to
>be
>not the ability to remain
The ability to be happy isn't something that remains, conventionally speaking, otherwise it would have said
>the ability to remain happy
Happiness is a state. In a purported system like the one we are said to occupy, most states don't withstand entropy- they change. Happiness can be said to be nothing more than an electrochemical process within a network of self-assembling matter, therefore... it happens, and then it's gone.
I'd of thought that was a valid observation to make.
>>702491492
Some body already has that power it's Donald trump
>>702495230
Travel to high altitude areas of the Sahara.
These regions get seasonal snow
>>702497998
I think that would come in handy if you were able to demonstrate that power to the right people...
Invisability, you'd be blind
Ability to "jack knife powerbomb" yourself.
The ability to beat a WoW raid on the first try
On LFR difficulty
>>702497049
that's cruel
>>702498068
If not specified, there is no limit to power usage.
Simple.
To be is a state. That is the definition of the word.
To be hungry equals "I am hungry" and you are hungry for a period of time, not just a millisecond.
>>702497049
>they know my secret
The ability to know the source of any furry porn instantly, but you're not a furry nor interested in it at all.
>>702491492
the ability to instantly detect when people open their mouths just by being near them
>>702494709
Really
The ability to get tons of replies to any post you make but they are all people calling you a faggot.
You can hear the thoughts of everyone on earth but you cannot distinguish any of them so you basically hear nothing but white noise.
>>702498664
Faggot
Can turn into a fax machine but inly once.
>>702498352
Maybe I'm not communicating it right
The present participle of
>be
is
>being
in that it is meant to convey that something is of equal meaning, or shares identity with something. Not similarity, but identity. The exact sameness.
Let's say you were in a state of happiness for a period of time that is most certainly not a millisecond- rather, the remainder of your life.
How do you measure that happiness, if you are currently (and then forever) "happy" without any other experiences, or changes in state to make the sensation of happiness relevant or poignant? Besides past experiences, which, with time, will become distant and seem almost unrelatable due to the decay of memory?
Do you also have the power of quasi-immortality and perfect memory? Because if not, I think the result of this power would be a human being lying on the ground, comatose, with most of their neural connections severed in exchange for pure hedonistic bliss, and complete unawareness, due to the fact that the "happy levels" need to be outdone whenever the sensation becomes dull. Then death.
the ability to feel a slight discomfort in the stomach whenever someone in a 5ft radius thinks about feminism
>>702498787
Can you switch back?
>>702498664
Faggot
the ability to absord bad luck
The ability to express every thing you know, and every experience you've had in one second, but it just sounds like a retarded whale noise that would take decades to decrypt.
the ability to read your own mind
>>702498896
>make whale noises at parties
>everyone loves you
>but you hate yourself and want to die
>>702498926
>self-awareness achieved
>>702498816
Nope. You remain in a constant state of fax machine.
The ability to shit without taking off your sweater
The ability to create the best novel ever written but you can only type at 1wpm
Ability to inhale and taste every exhale from every person within 100 ft.
>>702499121
I have dreamed of this ability since I could poop on my own.
>>702499121
If you want to take a shit with your sweater
Post in this thread, as I walk away
the ability to open automed doors a few moments sooner than they would typically open
The ability to receive random phone calls from anywhere in the world, and blurt them out uncontrollably.
>>702499138
1440 words per day is not bad, you could write up this novel in a couple of years
>>702499138
20 years of my life for the best novel ever? Deal.
Your name is Sweatio McFunkle and you have acid sweat that loses its power as soon as it leaves your pores
the ability to melt ice just looking at it when out of the fridge
>>702499288
>what if you call yourself and your power receives it
>will you turn into a sonic pulsar
the ability to switch the dental floss inside every box of dental floss from one brand to another
>>702491492
> Power Mimicry/Stealing/Duplication
> world where super powers don't exist
> every /co/mrade
The ability to write an unsuccessful novel in under a day, but only if you sell out.
>>702499360
>go to north pole
>chaos ensues
the ability to see through your eyelids when blinking
The ability to run at super sonic speeds. That is your only ability you have standard perception, reflexes, and skin.
>>702498804
>Neckbeard-discussion.com
Dont you have a katana to Shine you cumdrizzled faggot
the ability to see through doors once they are open
>>702499291
Sure, if you didn't eat or sleep. Realistically you could do maybe 500 words a day.
immunity to paper cuts
You're super intelligent but you talk like a nigger.
Your sperm tastes like chocolate, but only to you.
the ability to roll quints
>>702499592
>that qualifies for neckbeard-level autism
You sure are a grade-A faggot.
The ability to taste chocolate when you eat shit.
>>702499824
I already have that power though?
>>702499720
kek
>>702499946
the power to reroll
The ability to read mindes, but only when the person who is having there mind read is pooping.
The ability to make anyone who you aren't sexually attracted to fall in love with you.
>>702491492
Ability to love.
Ability to natrually leave the most beautifully artistic shit smears on the porcelain.
the ability to turn into a mentally disabled once forever
>>702500320
>promote new pop style of art, make thousands
>>702500466
>disability pension
You're immune to all STDs but every person you have sex with, including men, becomes pregnant with a non-abortable baby.
the ability to kill a random person on the planet with yout mind, but you don't know who it will be
>>702492060
>Allows you to communicate with other humans
sign me the fuck up
>>702498664
Faggot
>>702493612
>random person is you
>you will completely lose all ability to read that persons mind ever again
oh shit...
>>702500750
>implying I wouldn't want this
>>702500898
Looks like I have a new day job.
Ability to be stuck in a state of extreme and uncontrolable shifts in personality and emotion.
>>702501469
>bipolar
>super power
>>702501469
Not a power, a disability.
>>702500750
Creating your own army is pretty neat
>>702491492
helium will not affect my voice
The ability to get drunk from one beer.
The ability to count to seven on /b/ uninterrupted
The power to get a medium amount of cash on any shit tier mmo rpg onde
Magical powers to summon a cold cheeseburger, usable onde per month. It cannot be heated
>>702501614
and hows that useless? you save up money
The ability to always have a phantom turd in your asshole.
>>702491492
always get singles on /b/
>>702501666
this
>>702501795
checked
>>702492060
White memory one would be nice.
>>702492179
>To breath underwater but only when not wet.
Okay, so put on a full body wetsuit that covers everything but your mouth.
>>702500750
>I am Jesus Khan
>also your father
>>702501666
Nice try, Satan
>>702502089
Your mouth will get wet, dipshit
>>702494447
That's not useless, you could have some fun with that.
>>702501666
>When satan tries to convince you that this power is worth one (1) soul
>>702491492
how is this useless
bet rich person or anyone you can shit through your mouth, money on table and all
>shit through mouth
>profit
The ability to shift the entire universe, including yourself, one meter to the left.
>>702494930
perfect marvel superhero/villian....or just a really specfic fetish
>>702493888
useful as fuck idiot
checkd
>>702497468
Wear tons of bullet proof gear, possibly a mech or something if possible, get a job in the military, be at front line as a human shield, literally nothing can stop a battle as long as you're in it.
The ability to rewind time, but when you do, you become the person you were at the time, and do not carry any of your memories with you.
The ability to hover 100 nanometres above what you are standing on at all times.
>>702491492
The USA
Ability to turn the salt in a shaker to ity bity grain sized bacon bits. Fuck you i want bacon salt.
>>702502446
>why does this rhyme
>>702497787
This is the best one
The ability to turn red things into vaguely different shades of other reds.
>>702502590
Lost
The ability to heal like the wolverine, but even a papercut is more painful than being shot.
>>702502566
Don't cut yourself on that edge kiddo.
>>702502688
>>702502446
Also I'd sort of love this. Could relive stuff. I wouldn't know i'd be reliving it, but I still would.
>>702502697
>give yourself 70 papercuts
>tolerance to pain
>getting shot tickles your spine
>>702496774
>Skype call
>"if you fart in the next two seconds you have to suck my dick"
The ability to predict when you are going to predict something.
The ability to cum constantly and uncontrollably.
The ability to can.
>>702502743
>the universe as we know it never ends
>because you can't remember
Ability to control the eye movement of any one hamster at any time.
>>702503194
>make hamsters check out dat ass for youtube
The ability to make the sun hot.
>>702502942
>always trying to predict something
>knowing when it's true
The ability to know the answers to any test of your choosing, but you're not able to communicate them and will always fill in the wrong answer if you complete the test.
>>702503336
Lolwut? You could turn night into day, which would be epic.
>>702494943
You could do a superhero if you expanded this, something like 'Bloodhound Man' where he could find criminals by smelling their shit.
> worst superheroes
>>702503365
>always trying to predict when you are going to try to predict something
>always trying to predict when you are trying to predict when you are going to predict something
>always trying to predict when you are trying to predict always trying to predict when you are trying to predict always trying to predict when you are trying to predict always trying to predict when you are trying to predict always trying to predict when you are trying to predict when you are going to predict something
ded bort
>>702503412
>how does making the sun as hot as it is turn night into day
>>702503412
This has to be bait. The sun is always hot.
Ability to pee backwards
The ability to make water wet.
>>702500026
Off by twenty six
The ability to make an ad appear on any youtube video at any time ONLY when you're alone/no one else can see. The YouTuber gets no revenue from them and you can't pick the ad.
The ability to turn every dog into a cat, but then every cat will turn into a dog
>>702502378
Alien Ejaculator!
>>702499138
Cant you just make somebody else type it for you?
The ability to be able to fuck anyone you want to but every time you do someone you know dies
>>702500129
You can manipulate the elderly and ugly people for money thats a fantastic power
The ability to solidify light.
>>702504255
dubs, and woh pretty heavy. It would take a few fucks before you figured that out, so like 5 or 6 people you knew would die before you knew there was a correlation. Good story idea, pic unrel
>>702504255
If I could decide who it's perfect. One of my enemies dies and I can fuck a celeb
>>702492060
>imlying most /b/tards are already capable of communicating with other humans and reading facial expressions
>>702499259
kek
The ability to make others shit uncontrollably at any time. However, it only works while you're asleep and dreaming.
The ability to manifest your dreams into reality, like nightmares and sex dreams- but you can't experience the reality because you're sleeping soundly and it effects the people you're dreaming about.
>>702499561
how would you have found out without dying?
>>702491492
the ability to be invisible when absolutely no one is looking at you( including cameras)
>>702502697
Sign me the fuck up
>>702504806
Shit, that's me now
>>702504806
>wait until you turn invisible before you steal stuff so you know there are no cameras watching.
The ability to lick pussy, causing uncontrollable orgasm, but you're a flaming fag boy who thinks it looks like tuna & won't go near it.
>>702494488
They can't look at you if you're invisible dumbass
The ability to emit a foul odour that can be smelt from a mile away, but only when you are trying to hide.
Ability to have no sense of touch, taste, sight, sound, or smell in perpetuity.
>>702505386
Fuck off
