>>702331444 When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into ‘you show me yours, I’ll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. so What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said “fresh” and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!” I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie “yo homes smell ya later!” Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
>>702331444 >from previous bread I've kinda loved this same girl since kindergarten. She left my school in 3rd grade and came back for 5th grade. we both had mutual feelings for each other, but I was always to shy to ask her out. after 5th grade, she moved a few cities away. around 2009 we got back in touch via myspace, and same ole same ole happened and I bitched out into asking her out. She eventually asked me out, but I pussed out, again, and gave some shitty excuse on why I couldn't date her and we steadily stopped chatting (another reason was that she had gained considerable weight since the last I saw her, and being the vein cunt I was, didn't really want to date her for that reason). fast forward 6 years, I found out she had a kid (absent dad), and I still do love her, and would want to be with her, chubby and all, but she still lives and few cities away, plus the kid thing. fuck, I hate how much of a bitch I was in grade school, because if I hadn't been, We might have been together for some 20 years, and that could've been my kid with her.
I'm playing the Witcher 3 and the conversations have a ridiculously long load time and it's pissing me off. On top of that my little sister is being a cunt and I'm thinking about letting my neighbour molest her.
I cheated on my girl about 3 times now out of insecurity. I masturbate about 5 times a day because she barely puts out, but when she does the sex is great. I often blow my loads to her cousins. I love my gf but she's a big bitch.
I feel like I have lost so much in the past two days.
My girlfriend who I had been dating for over a year decided to tell me she has feelings for my best friend. It was one of the most soul crushing things I've ever experienced, she wants to be "friends" because she wants to have her cake and eat it too, but honestly I think she's a total bitch. Who the fuck does that?
My best friend too totally initiated everything and I know 90% of him was doing it just to one up me and fuck me over. I fucking hate his guts and can't wait until karma gets back around to him.
And guys I loved this girl so much, she was perfect and our personalities blended so well. The sex wasn't fantastic but she made up for it in every other way. The past couple months she just got more distant, ditched me more, and just in general wasn't very nice. I knew that's what was going on, I'm not stupid, I knew long before I got her to admit it to me. I just wanted to keep going and not have to deal with the emotional pain... I love her so fucking much, and I know right now I'd still take her back as fucking bad as it sounds.
>>702332016 Anon, people suck. It's easy for me to tell you that taking her back (if given the option) will only hurt you more, and not to do it. But I'm not in your shoes, I don't know what the relationship meant to you. You probably already know she would keep on hurting you.
Anon, try to find new people who aren't toxic. Neither of them truly care about you if they would do that to you. Find people who would never.
>>702331444 I'm your basic pretty boy jock. I was the best football player in HS, now I run my father's company, make a shit ton of money, girls throw themselves at me blah blah blah you get the point. I have declined every girl that has approached me. I decline them because I have no sexual feeling for women. The only girl that I will have is an anime chick. Anime chick's are perfect where as real girls are nothing but drama and a burden. No one knows I watch anime let alone hentai. I'm 26 and have the choice of many women and I turn them down instantly. I pray for the day that someone will build androids that can look like whatever you want. I will make her look like my dream anime girl and download all the anime I have into her memory so I can make the perfect waifu.
My best friend's ex lives in the same dorm building as me and there's a fucked up part of me that wants to fuck her? I'm not even into girls 90% of the time but something about the situation makes it seem hotter?
Too much of a pussy to try anything though, thank god.
>>702332449 Thanks man... it's funny how the words of a total stranger online can make so much of a difference. I know she would hurt me again, so I don't know why I feel this way. I guess it's too early to actually be over her either way, but you're right. It's just going to be hard not waking up next to her every morning.
You had late stage cirrhosis of the liver and didn't bother to tell anyone or go to the hospital until your body was filling with fluid? What the FUCK is wrong with you??? Jesus, please be OK :'( Don't die. You're my best friend.
I'm into this really cute barely legal trans boy from the bahamas who i have no chance with because distance/age/i'm a sack of shit but he's also one of my best friends and it eats me up because i have such a great time with him but really don't want to ruin it by pushing something that isn't there.
Met a nice and beautiful muslim girl (24y) 2 months ago. She was from Kosovo, had a scholarship and had to leave my country 3 weeks later. I met her the first day she arrived.
We dated, it took me 5 days to even kiss her because she was so shy and traditional. This was the kind of wife I was looking for: petit, nice looking, shy and in no way slutty. We made out, met every day, but I never actually fucked her. She became her period the last week when I nearly had her this far.
I catched feelings, she did too. So she said she wanted to come back to my country as soon as possible. I knew a long distance relationship is difficult, and I offered to visit her. She said I can't do that, she lives with her parents and basically is under their complete control, so she just won't be able to be with me there.
So we texted and skyped, but 1 week after she went back home her father had a hearth attack. Afterwards she was backing down, becoming uncomfortable speaking to me and I felt she was hiding something.
1 week passed, and suddently she wrote me that at the moment she's unable to have any relationship, she's even unable to be friends. This shocked me, so I pushed for an answer. Made her somewhat angry by text, she didn't want to talk it out by phone.
She said her father had the heart attack because she asked him what if she'd marry a foreign guy. He exploded and yeah... went to hospital. Now she has to pay some of the hospital bills and works like 12 hr/day, and feels bad because she thinks it's her fault. Her parents want her to marry a guy from her country and religion, and she seems to let it happen...
Don't know what to do in this situation, she always puts down my text attempts pretending to not have time and doesn't call me so we can work things out. I really love her and know she has feelings, too.
She comes back to my country no matter what in a few months and stays for nearly a year, but to another city maybe 200 km away...
My best friend of ten years (and girlfriend for 8 months).. spent the last two years trying to convince myself I was over her. In the last few days I've seen her again.. Slowly realising that maybe I'm still in love with her.
But now she has a boyfriend, and a baby. Wish we could at least be friends again but.. probably impossible now
I was engaged to a girl I was in a long distance relationship with. May was the last time I heard from her before she disappeared. Haven't heard from her or her family since and I have a date on Monday, part of me feels like a scumbag for not waiting longer but the other part is just angry that she'd just up and leave without even saying goodbye.
>>702332016 Karma wont do shit to either of them. You tell them to their face to go and fuck themselves and that you they both die in a car accident while shes giving him road head. People that say "I hope karma gets them" say so because they dont have the balls to take action.
I Wish I could find some sort of muse to get me out of this rut because I'm not interested in helping myself. Unemployment life is not the way to be. I know I should be aspiring for better. I know I should be doing better for myself but at this time, I just don't care enough to do more than exist.
>>702334010 You know, I've thought about that. I've thought about beating the shit out of him, I've thought about keying his truck, I've thought about spilling all her secrets... but that's not revenge That's just going to cause them to look at me and be like "man we were right about him what a loser, what an asshole."
I think it'll definitely be better if I'm just mature about it, if I just let their relationship fall apart on its own. I know it will, they'll both try running back to me, because I was the one who really deeply cared for both of them and was always there for them.
But I won't be there for them to run back to, and I think that's much sweeter form of revenge above all. If I decide to blow up and make an ass out of myself, I look like a fool and they won't realize just what the fuck they missed out on and screwed up.
>>702331444 my roommate is a bitter bitch alcoholic and refuses to get help because she says therapy doesnt work for her. she fucking gets drunk every night and terrorizes me and my gf for no other reason other than shes sad that she cant get a bf and she let two of her dogs die. i dont feel sorry for her because shes jealous that me and my gf (who's her best friend since 2nd grade) are happy with each other and she doesn't have that. i would kick her out of the house but im a fucking retard and if i were to kick her out then she would claim half the shit in the house was hers (which it is, fuck me) and i dont want to get into this legal shit.
I want to marry my girlfriend of 7 years but can't bring myself to do it because I've never told her I fap to loli. I love loli, it's my #1 fetish; it doesn't go past 2D, and I have a shitload of nieces I've seen grow up without any kind of sexual perversion that people who fap to loli allegedly have.
I'm just afraid I'll marry her and she'll somehow find out a few years in and I won't be able to explain myself, or she'll think I'm sick. Fuck, man. It's just hentai.
>>702334431 Agreed the best way to truely get revenge on someone is to act like it didnt bother you at all. Not even a little bit. It makes people question they own self worth and wonder why it was so easy for you to dismiss them with giving them a second thought.
It happened to me. The victory is when you stop talking to them and a year later she cheats on him and then you get a three paragraph facebook message and simply reply "not interested in talking to you" and then wait for "seen" to pop up before blocking.
I live in a half double. My neighbors toilet doesn't work so they're shitting in my half of the yard. My girl said it's probably dog shit. But I never saw dog shit with corn kernels. I could be wrong. But I doubt it.
My aunt died of n-stage and literally 2 wks before dying said "i think if I can stop drinking, I'll get more time"
Your friend didn't go to the hospital because they were in denial. You can't afford to join them in denial. They're already dead. Spend time with them but do not stay at the hospital watching them die.
i don't want to spoil good words but from my experience everyone hurts you, everyone is toxic and the most toxic of them is ourselves. i've just defaulted to blaming myself for everything ~ because then i could change it. Someone tries to rob me, it was my fault for being there, a girl fucked me over well it was my fault for letting her close. I live a lonely and sad life.
>>702335266 Indeed, friend. Just like I question my own self worth in this phase where she's totally infatuated by a manipulator. The only thing is it'll hurt her a lot more when she realizes the whole situation down the road
>>702335287 Sorry you had to go through this type of shit, Anon, I would never wish this on anyone... even them. That does sound like a great way to go about it, I wouldn't block though, I'd love to see the desperation come full circle.
I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX. Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project. There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux" distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.
>>702331444 Why the fuck do college students have to take English classes? Fucking christ. Literally arts are the most pointless courses ever. No great writer learned to write in fucking school. They were methodical thinkers who people wanted to read about. I have a 5 page journal essay to do this weekend stacked on top of Chemistry, Calculus, and CSE homework. Fuck English Comp. Anyone who has an English degree should be taken and shot in the fucking head.
I love my step mom. So much, I truly love her. I confessed my love to her months ago and that did not go so well. She did not tell my dad, by she denied any sexual or emotional relationship. I have tried influencing that idea around the house and have taken so many pictures of her perfect excellent ass. She noticed me trying to persuade her and caught me taking a pic yesterday. Few hours ago we talked about it and she said that if there is anymore I have to move out (I'm 18), and that will ruin the relationship between my dad and I and my stepmom and I. But I love her so much and I feel like all the dull boringness of my life had been there because she steals all my joy. I just can't get over her. She is perfect t in every fashion. But I cant ruin everything between everyone
>>702335800 If you don't block, you stalk. Then the desperation does come full circle. To you being the desperate one. Once the tables are turned, you jetpack outta there. Sticking around never ends well.
>>702332016 Just my opinion--don't go for the friends thing. It seems already like you said "fuck that," but still, in my experience it's always best to end it, period. I've burnt bridges that way--I've never stayed friends. And yeah, it sucks sometimes, but it seems a lot better than friends I have who kept succumbing to the booty calls with hopes for more, and then just being crushed time and time again because they always harbored secret hopes that their ex would see the light. Rarely does it happen, and when it does, usually just seems to postpone an even more catastrophic breakup later.
Sorry to hear about this, anon. Just hang in there. Try--and I know it's hard--try (if the opportunity arises) NOT to take her back. Again, doing so tends to postpone an inevitably worse and more heart-wrenching breakup.
All I can offer are platitudes, but it will get better. Girl of my dreams broke my heart, and while it was years of shit, I finally feel way better about things now. No hard feelings--I frequently find myself hoping she's happy--but I also have no desire to correspond with or see her again.
>>702336478 Hmm true, however I've never really seen the problem with stalking every now and then. I have a couple exes (while not at the same level as this one) who I stalk like once a month, just see what's up, doesn't really take an emotional toll on me
A girl I had a crush on in middleschool died from cancer a few days ago (a week maybe?). Anyway, we were friends and became somewhat close over the years. About three months before she died she asked if I would take her on date, and I did, but afterwards I basically cut off communication from her. I didn't want to put emotional effort into a relationship that I knew would not turn out well for me, knowing she had cancer and knowing she would die before me (even though I did have feelings for her). 5 days before she died she messaged me and told me she missed me, etc. I basically just tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
The thing about it all is that I know what I did was selfish. I could've spent her last days with her and made her the happiest that I possibly could; but knowing that she would eventually leave me I opted not to get involved. Still don't know if it was the right decision.
TLDR: gril dies of cancer, wants relationship beforehand, shut her out of my life. Wondering if right decision
>>702336667 You're lying to yourself for all to see. I'm an obsessor. I fb stalked for a decade. The emotional toll is obvious- you think of them and then can't let the thought pass. You have to go to their page. Or drive by their house if it's a severe obsession. I get that. I do. I'm trying to save my past self that I see in you at this very moment. So consider this a message from a very different future version of yourself- Clean. Fucking. Break. Know it's over then make it that way.
>>702336590 I know you're so right, and I will try very hard if the opportunity does come up to not take her back. Honestly though, I doubt she'll try though, not until she's had her fill of the summer grass on the other side, just to realize it too withers in the fall.
And yeah man, I have a couple exes who I have a deep love for, I hope they're happy and I hope they do well. I hope maybe someday I can feel the same for her, but I will never love my friend again, he's dead to me.
She was just easily manipulated, but also very selfish and self-centered. Just her flaws I guess, but she still did something she knew would hurt me, and there was a time she could've halted it from happening- but didn't.
I don't even know where I'm going with this now, but thanks for the advice, Anon. I love hearing from people on here who are just genuine human beings, means a great deal.
My sister's boyfriend is a loser. He has anxiety problems that allow him to get SSI benefits which he can only receive when is not working. He has had jobs but it is easier to not do shit and get government help instead. He is also staying with us until the 11th of September. I wish he would just die already and my sister could be with someone worthwhile.
I can't believe we don't have a candidate worth a fucking damn. This is bullshit man, the politicians work for us - it would be like hiring someone to go grocery shopping for you and they buy all the shit they want, but get the cheap shitty versions. How can America be happy with the choices for president? I know they don't have any power, I'm sure they are only a puppet for something bigger, but fucking kidding me
>>702333267 Go for it if you're really unhappy with your current gf--and I mean, really, not just some temporary bad shit, or some minor hangups. Just reflect long and hard on it, and make sure you aren't just imagining the grass is greener on the other side. It might be all the worse on the other side. But go for it, if you've really thought about it. And, of course, understand that the girl you like now might not reciprocate. So it's a big risk. But again, if you're truly unhappy with your current gf, then it might be time to move on anyway. Just remember: The flaws you're seeing may not really be that bad. Everyone has huge flaws.
forgive english, i am Russia. i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss. We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though. I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
>>702337201 The other girls I've never done anymore then just stalked them to see how they are, like I said in another post, I've moved on from them and genuinely just hope they're happy. I love them but it's a different type of love, haven't talked to the two of them in years though.
But don't worry, in this situation as soon as all her stuff is out, it will be a clean break, I used the facebook breakup options already lol. I don't believe in blocking because when I do that I just unblock them anyways, gotta use will power and just resist the urge to check out her life from now on.
>>702337204 No worries man. And definitely fuck that friend man. That's a shit thing for him to have done, so definitely don't have second thoughts about that asshole.
Stay strong, man. Again, I've got nothing but platitudes, but it will get better. It's about doing things that make it get better faster. And the less you do things you (will likely come to) regret, not only will you get over it faster, but you'll be in way better shape when someone else comes along who isn't easily manipulated and selfish.
>>702331444 From the second time we met you teased me, flirted, torture basically. Then you finally stick your dick in my mouth after 7 years of on again off again "friendship" and wanna act like you needed to process it? What? Like you hadn't been considering letting me blow you for years? You were cardboard in bed. The sex was so bad it killed my crush. I can't believe I gave my 20s to you. You're all surface and now you're hanging out with a bunch of assholes. Great. I hope the year of not talking turns into 5 and you're dead for months before I even find out.
yeah because i'm just acting. i like that about you. if your tech left me alone for a week then everything would change and you're scared of that. i'll find a way to make it happen regardless. i'm this close and you know it. fuck you.
I fucking HATE words like "mansplain," "manspread," "manscape," and "man cave." I'm a bleeding heart liberal, but this shit makes me think less of anyone who utters them in earnest. It's just lazy. "Hurr, hey guys, let's call this thing 'mansplaning,' even though that word bears almost no resemblance to the word 'explain.'" Fucking idiots, even I can come up with a better word to identify the phenomenon that goes more naturally with "explain"--DICKSPLAIN.
>>702337293 Agreed, only they go to the grocery store and buy cheap shitty versions of things that aren't even on the goddamn grocery list. It's like asking them to get fruit and they come home with the cheap shitty versions of fruit flavored candy. Assholes.
>>702338062 You're so right, I need to work on me and just make sure I'm happy and I take care of myself. Sucks right now not eating and chain smoking, I know things will only get better, but only as long as I put in the effort.
>>702338490 You don't get cirrohsis before 60 without being an alcholic or pillhead.
If he seems out of it, look up ensephalopothy. Ask him what time of day it is. I was surprised when a doc asked my aunt and she had no clue. Fuckinf crazy. She was dead in less than a month after that. I'm sorry to bear the bad news but dude, it's over. It's over. And hanging on to hope is not okay or helpful in the long run. My mom blamed herself for 2 years. But I was fine. I mean, I cried and shit, I'm not a sociopath, but I don't think I did anything wrong or selfish. I was just realistic.
>>702338943 haha, I know the chain smoking thing. Unhealthy advice, but if it's the worst and most self-destructive thing you're doing, go with the smoking during this period. Try to quit later. It's way better than drinking, at least for me. I mean, alcohol's a depressant. And dude, you got the right mindset. Just put in the effort. And if you falter, don't beat yourself up over it--don't use that as an excuse to permanently slip back into the bad shit.
And try to eat. I know it's hard. I've been in the same boat, and it helped to drink a lot of milk shakes--not the best, but they've got ok protein and will prevent you from become Christian Bale Machinist emaciated.
>>702338666 If they're hurting you, anon, they're not true friends. I understand having few friends, and not wanting to be alone. If you don't know how to make new friends in the real world(I'm terrible at that), friends on the internet are great as well. I've actually met some great people on /soc/ who are very important to me.
Start by finding people who's company you enjoy. People that care about you. You're not alone, anon.
I have no interest in ever having sex, but randomly want to murder almost everybody that knows me, for the simple fact that they know of my existence. They know too much about me and I know they share their info behind my back.
I've been torn between that or moving to a distant country, changing my name and destroying all ties with them, then killing myself and having them killed as well. I know that when I die, whatever secrets they had left about my failures in life will be shared openly.
>>702339197 Me? I don't ever use those words. Ever. I only use them to say not to use them. I hate them. There are a million words that make the English language lazier, and those are at the top of my list. Others:
Election year comes around and all of sudden every other sentence says something like "They're gonna pivot now to address such-and-such issues" or "Oh man, I know he thinks he's doing something effective, but he's gotta take the optics into account."
>>702339519 >>702339309 >My manager points at a box, asks me to take to to the other store I work at >I ask for help to take it to my car before I realize she meant the folder on top. I notice things around me, but sometimes it's bad shit like this
I fucking hate my wife, she was sweet and good 12 years ago when we met. now she's just an attention whore who looks herself in the mirror then complains about her wrinkles all the time. After posting her on Instagram, she would get upset if there's not so many 'likes'.
>>702339401 Yeah, I've never been a huge drinker, and really either way I've smoked since I was 16 (21 now) so I doubt chain smoking for a couple weeks while I listen to Kpop and play rocket league will make a huge difference lol.
The rest of your post just spoke volumes too, so much of it just made me smile and feel like there's hope. I promise you anon, I will make sure I get over it and become a better person in the end. Even if I falter, I know I can do it.
I used to know 2 sisters that were my cousins who were extremely close to me. We used to play together and run around the neighbourhood for fun while pissing people off. They were pretty chill and every once in a while, they would come over to my place and we just fuck shit up.
Now, ever since I moved to a different country, it's really awkward being around them. They act like I'm just some nobody. And whenever I see them act around others just makes me disgusted.
[spoiler]And the fact that they forced me into having sex with them that one time also doesn't help[/spoiler]
I'm in love with a bimbo who sees me as a close friend instead of something more and I lack most emotional attachment to anyone besides a couple of people. I put On a front for my friends cuz I actually just wanna sit back and jam to Mac Demarco and beach fossils instead of listening to famous dex and future n shit. I hate that she doesn't feel like that for me and almost hate myself for it. I try to push her out my life but it doesn't work for more than a couple months at a time and it comes back harder each time. I wouldn't mind dying anymore.
I'm not fucking schizophrenic, if anyone at all would have seen it from my fucking perspective it would be completely apparent I'm not. To anyone who reads this, there are things out there that sound like tin foil hat shit that are 100% true.
>>702337006 What does it matter now, she's dead, you can't make things right, just live with the choice you made, her suffering is over now, pretty sure she understood or she would have contacted you more, plus, not like you had a romantic relationship for that long, move on brush, move on, don't let it make you die on the inside!
>>702331738 dude i know right, also the saving checkpoints are fucking annoying. i just did the quest where you turn that fetus into a lubberkin, did the whole thing, got to the part where i have to follow the lubberkin, died. and then i had to turn the fetus into a fucking lubberkin again, back to the start.
I've had depression for a while, started taking meds 4 years ago which helped but up until last year they didn't do much for me so I stopped taking them. after finally getting them out of my system i developed erectile dysfunction (at age 25) which after a month turned into premature ejaculation for several months. i'm depressed again since my gf of more than a year broke up with me a month and a half ago and i'm too afraid to take antidepressants again because i dont want the sexual problems to come back or become permanent
>>702341874 Well, in fairness, 20 is young and the economy isn't particularly great right now. If you live in a state that's in a shitty way economically, that might be why. I'm way older and struggled like fuck to get a job. It ended up working out, but with a lot of luck and a lot of help. Videogames were fun for the first month, and then, just like you, I stopped giving a shit.
I feel like the world is out for me to just be alone.
All to 7th grade I was bullied so I had no friends, went to online school for years at home after that and moved to go to a public school in a different state for the last 2 years of high school. My bestfriend moved halfway around the world and doesn't contact me. I met the girl of my dreams online and she doesn't contact me either (not one-sided on this, we both realize we're perfect for each other after years of thought) but we have a sort of "don't contact me unless it's really interesting or relevant" thing going on. Moved again after high school having created few meaningful relations to people during my senior year and I cut all those off except for 1; but that 1 I kept won't contact me either...she's a bit more talkative than my other two friends (ie replies to texts in less than 4 months).
If I didn't have to move I would've stayed with her for a very long time; but everything so far has been out of my hands and I knew there was nothing I could do about it so I decided to never make dating her official, even though we had some intimate moments. Hugs, kisses on the cheek, romantic talks, time alone on long drives, etc.
I'm now an 18yo kissless virgin about to go to college, 0 friends, 2 years of experience even having friends, 3 meaningful relationships that I'll cherish forever that are now falling apart, and to top it all off I've started to think my dick is inadequate so there's a negligible chance of me having sex let alone anyone enjoying sex with me. (dick's small -> average, not micropenis but not large either)
Despite this, I've focused everything into anything that isn't social. Hobbies, physique, finances, education, etc. In hopes that if I meet someone...anyone...they'll think I'm interesting. If I don't, at least I'll know I did the best I could and gave it my all.
>>702341339 Legit got drugged and injected with something in the hospital, I can't explain but I felt more clear headed and was able to crank out awesome tunes super fast (I produce music). I felt hyper sensitive to colour it was odd, I can't explain. A day comes by where my roommates tell me a code which i will never utter and say it's a game of sorts. I felt like my emotions were in jeapordy and it was all ridiculous so I kept not playing along. I started getting what felt like heart attacks when I didn't play along. Ended up running on the streets for days at a time following and returning to the house and was once told to do something "before something bad happens". But I'm legit Autistic and I can fucking clearly see when patterns are lined up in way too convenient ways. I can go into more detail if anyone cares...
I am incredibly depressed but i'm afraid to tell anyone, not even my family or my friends. People have noticed a few changes but haven't really said anything to me and if they do I just say "oh im just tired"
I had a dream last night that I was happy again and in my dream it felt so good, it felt so real... but when I woke up I stooped back to my depressive state.
>>702342475 here's some advice, take advantage of the college life. go to parties and drink, you don't have to get trashed every weekend or even be drunk enough to lose control, but girls will. hooking up with some slut is fucking easy for everyone as long as you dont stink and dont dress like a slob/weirdo. as for friends, every freshman feels the same way about not knowing anyone and wanting to find friends. just go and talk so some people you think would be cool to hang out with and youre pretty much guaranteed to find good friends to last you through college at least.
I could honestly not even give a fuck if I drop dead at this very moment.
>no gf >no females friends at all >used to slay puss in high school >turned into a recluse >alcoholic >dropped out of college twice >about to start third try >already know that alcohol will ruin it >fucking sick of this shit >no sex in going on.. four years now
>>702342696 1. They won't regret it. People always justify evil deeds and worm out of being the villain. They will not feel bad. 2. You're weak. You will not ignore them. You'll take her bunk ass pussy back. And every time you stick your tongue in her ass, you'll know your old bro was hammering and dumping loads in it. Beat his ass.
>>702337976 I think we all do, man. Or a good portion of us do. -- I think this world, especially the first world, has gotten to the point where it is beyond salvation. PC culture, crazed niggers, femenazis, all symptoms of a dying world. I have never been more worried that we will fall apart than I am in this moment. We're all tired of fighting it, but to give up would be to let it consume. I genuinely think we need to start culling the masses who buy into this shit.
>>702343333 agreed. my brother went through similar situation. his fiance ended up wanting to be with his best man, after a few days of agonizing decision making my brother called over his best friend and fiance, to tell them both he wishes them happiness.
then while I and a friend force her to watch as 3 guys beat the ever living fuck out of his former best man, actually put him in the hospital.
it was briefly in the news. they never pressed charges, just moved away.
I'm in love with this girl and I can't imagine life without her but i have this feeling she likes my friend more than me and god fucking damnit that my friend is leagues above me he's had multiple gf's in the past year and I'm sitting here like a beta and hoping something would happen but no I'm going to die alone
>>702343681 That's true people are typically so consumed with their own shit that even if they notice they feel like they're probably imagining it or it's not their place to comment. I hope you find some comfort somehow .
>>702343681 I would say that now but I know you're not. You don't have to feel that way though, go talk to someone because it does help and it helps more than medication does believe me I know. I know how hard it can be to do pretty much anything when you're depressed, but there's hope. You just gotta push yourself a little bit and try to seek help and things will get better for you.
I need a vacation. I just want to get away from work, my family, basically everybody and everything in my life. Maybe 3-5 days somewhere nice so I can just take a fucking chill pill and not stress out about shit.
Also I can't for the fucking life of me tell if my coworkers are flirting with me or not. Like one of them kept fucking with my hair last week and the other got all up on me just to smell some perfume shit a buddy of mine sprayed on me. Maybe I'm retarded.
>>702343681 Then go check your state university, they usually have (sometimes free) counseling services. Mostly for graduate students in Psychology but it's anonymous and can be worthwhile. No one has to know.
I know you want someone in your life to spontaneously notice something is wrong and ask you that, but trust me, I've been exactly there and wished for the same thing. And it's exactly what it is: WISHful thinking.
Talk to the fucking shrinks in training. It'l be fine and make you feel so much better.
I just do my thing. Im tired of meeting or getting to know people. Its like, you link with someone. And theres always that let down about them. Whether itsa chick or friends, hell, even someone you work with. Its like fucking clock work and Im just to the point of my life where Im not putting up with it. People always gravitate to me which make shit worse. Its caused me to create a cacoon of no fucks and it bleeds through now without even trying. Even family now is something i dont adore anymore. Ive created an ice caccoon and i just hate wut ive become. Oh well.
>my life is fucked up from start >being ugly kid, all girls made fun of me back in middle school >not so ugly anymore, but can't score due to low self esteem in high school >just before my 20. birthday I had enough and I fucked a fat chick >I lost my virginity to an ugly fat whore >it was 2 weekend of nonstop sex, I came like 40 times and had muscle strain literally everywhere >she was so ugly I fantasized about her being run over by a bus so I won't see her anymore >I started going out with another fat chick.. >she looked better online, but she is not that fat like previous one so whatever >kinda loved her sometimes but I was never satisfied with her >cheated her with a pretty, loli looking, skinny, petite girl >she wanted to be with me, but I found out she literally fucked half of this town >so stayed with kinda fat chick >I've been with her for 4 more YEARS >we broke up >I started going out with another fat chick.. (seriously, I'm pathetic, I don't even like fat chicks) >I cheated her on the first day we started going out. the hot girl who is my neighbour sucked my dick and jerked me off.. we would have fucked too, but she was on her period >neighbour girl is notorious whore too, she fucked with about 10 of my friends, and many-many other people (maybe that's why she sucks like some female demigod.. her mouth is sweet like honey) >I broke up with yet another fat gf, and I'm alone for 3 months now >the feel when you completely forgot how to pick up girls >I want to fuck this little whore neighbour girl again but she is fucking with someone else.. at least she is hot >I tried to pick up other girls but miserably failed about 5 times >the feel when you forgot how to pick up girls >now I just live to work, watch crappy romance animes (last one was clannad) and paying the loans so I won't be homeless
>>702343755 Legit for one night the lights turned green for whichever intersection I arrived at, to the point people around me were like wtf. Felt like severely dumbed down like ataxia or some shit, when I wasn't doing what I was supposed to. Went to the library there was a count down for how much time I had and as it got lower I started feeling sick to the point that I was at 5 minutes left and worried about my health. It wasn't the first time, kept going to the doctors at Walmart to try to get meds and everyday I went there were less and less people and they would tell me the wait was like 3 hours when no one was there, the last time I went the whole doctors office was closed without notice and there was a lineup of around 30 people. One time after wandering around the streets I picked up one of these signs I was told to look out for and I started following this guy, he tipped his hat then started jogging, I had fluid in what felt like my lungs and as I pushed myself to run and we got out of sight I felt it go away. I followed another set of signs once into a stranger's backyard and when I got there I jumped over the fence got another sign from a person right there and went back. Hid under their deck, they let a dog out and it obviously saw me and was alerting them. Nobody came to even check, I had to talk to the dog to stop it from gnawing my balls off. Did the same thing in another person's yard and there was a basement door open and I went in and spent the night crawling around in the dark. When the sun came up I started to panic and decided I was going to go against code once again. I went to go up stairs and there was no handle on my side of the door. I managed to get it open anyway, found a laptop figure I'll send a message to one of my friends. When I get it out of sleep mode it's at the login screen and the name reads "Weasle". Will continue....
I fucking HATE seeinf other guys like her shit on social media, Jesus fucking christ....she doesn't care about me anyways....well now she doesn't she just got dick for a while after she ignored me and that was it. No real texting she just finds some other fuckboy to talk too. I want to delete her on every fucking social media site I got her on but then she says she gets sad when I do. WTF.
>>702344162 Good advice Anon, thanks for taking the time. I'l definitely do all the stuff you told me, just gotta get her out of the house now. Luckily I'm in my hometown for a bit to cool down, so once I get back I'll either kick her out or drive her out.
>>702331444 Hitler was only protecting his people! He brought germany back from RUINS, HUNGER AND DEBT! He made the military from nothing. He was the only thing europe needed, he was hope. Okay he did star killing massive amounts of people later, but he gave lives lives and future to even more. But that was the only way.so i gotta say it: HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG!!! there, i said it. Thanks op
>>702347116 I was hoping she could have my virginity (I know I sound like a fag but I figured she was perfect) but then she just went off and got dick from some faggot that ended up dumping her and now she is happy and hanging out with friends while im alone playing on a ps4 with friends that I can't even call real friends.
my brother got hit by a bus and almost died when i was 10, now he lives his life freely and im 23, living with my mum and barely leave the house due to my depression. i have extreme anxiety so i never went to school therefor i have 0 grades. now i cant get any jobs and all my friends are moving on with their lives.
i used to lie a lot growing up, claiming i lost my virginity when i hadn't. i use people for money and used to use people for drugs. i self loathe every day and i fucking hate it but i love how much it gets me excused from.
the list goes on but ive been up all night so i cba to keep going. this was cathartic though, thank you
>>702347116 She's playing games with your heart/head. If it's torturing you seeing her on social media, fuckin' delete her and don't talk to her again. She's getting off on your suffering. Women can be cretinous life-suckers
>>702345473 I'm freaking out I go to find a phone there is no charge so I let it charge for a second and try to call a friend but the phone won't hold a charge and it's unplugged from the wall. Raid fridge, because I'm starving at this point, return to basement and there's a matching pair of pants to this one jacket some super shady motherfucker that tried to tell me he could read my mind out of nowhere. Ended up meeting a guy from Montreal and he's got all the signs that I'm looking for and we talk and I try to tell him that life is fucked and I don't think he could understand, he gives me forty bucks and tells me he can walk me to the hospital and that it's probably the best place for me. I start feeling my brain slowing again and I feel I'll, I can't decide at intake if I should stay or not but I'm telling her all the symptoms and they match up pretty closely with an auto immune disorder so I'm freaking out. Then I feel she's scripting her sentences, she tells me I need to decide because it's going to cost them x hundred dollars for intake and I say maybe I should go to other hospital. Suddenly she sheds a tear but doesn't look worried looks like she knows something and I ask "it doesn't work out for people that come in here like this does it?" (Like this being symptoms plus all ID gone missing ((quick side note, I lost my passport my health card and my birth certificate in someone's shed at the beginning of my journey))) she sheds another tear and says nothing and I book ass out of there. Get on a bus and the bus driver is driving fucking fast like dangerously and I'm standing at the front and keep feeling like I'm going to overheat. Will continue
>>702347192 No biggie, anon. I've been there and done that before, and it fucking sucks. There's really nothing you can do but (as cheesy and shit as it sounds) let time heal you.
The most positive thing you'll get out of this is a very useful lesson. What I learned from my experience is to be extremely careful who you love and trust. When you're ready to let your guard down, you'll just know.
Take care of yourself, anon. Best of luck with your situation.
>>702331444 Quit saying 9/11 was a government conspiracy. The government has so many wealthy people pulling the strings that it is a puppet, not a puppet master. 9/11 was put together by the wealthy puppet masters with some sand people happily taking the credit for being framed for it. Follow the money, you shills.
So a couple months back, i had sex with my younger cousin for the first time (14). She was over for a swim and somehow we ended up showering together. Seeing her naked with me in the shower made my rod really hard as well as her nipples were hardened too. We started fooling around where i would rub my dick along her clitoris and tease her. We came to the point of no return where she begged me to penetrate her "just one thrust" just to know the feeling of what it is like to have a cock inside her (she's virgin). So i carefully inserted my tool into her tight cunt. Boy it was really tight, all four walls of her cunt walls were wrapped around my rod. Of course that one thrust turned into many as she started grinding against my dick (was difficult thought as she was real tight). The tightness was unbelievable that after 4-5 thrusts i had the urge to cum and told her so. She then told me to "cum in her" she wanted to feel what it was like to have my sperm in her. And just hearing that made me instantly explode and emptied my ballsacks of sperm into her tight little pussy. She was dripping wet with my semen, saying that she enjoyed the feeling of hot warm semen leaking out from her young pussy and we should do it again. Fast forward to today, we have had penetrative unprotected sex quite a number of times, where i would nut in her and just fill her cunt up with my hot semen. Im afraid i will get her pregnant, but the sex is really insanely wonderful. Her young tight cunt is just pure ecstasy, and best part is that she lets me cum in her.
>>702347718 Honestly anon it just wasn't seeing her social media it was seeing her in the halls and me and her locking eyes with each other...but if she really cared about me talking to her she would of started conversation with me or texted first. But someone already fucked her and dumped her. Sad.
>>702347401 Eventually I'm forced to get off from the heat and undo my jacket and wait for another, everything got worse and worse to the point I'm struggling to speak and taking busses every three stops. I start feeling like people around me are aware of what's happening and when I get on one their was a group of people singing and playing a ukulele and I swear I heard someone say "that's really fighting for it". I feel like I'm going to die there is a sense of impending doom on me and I decide if I'm going to die I want to do it with my friends I care about and I legit made peace with death. I'm eating grass to get literally any hydration in me when I get another sign and a woman in a car appears to motion to the back of her head, I touch my head and it's insanely hot just at the back of my neck. I remember there is a quickie or some shit nearby and I jog as fast as I can and all I'm thinking is that caffeine constricts blood vessels so I use the money that guy gave me to buy iced coffee and cold water. Chug coffee, water on back of head and neck and I run, get into house and tell friends I'm gonna die and I just want to be with them before I go. Start getting all the cold water and dumping it on my head one of my bffs says "I can't watch this" and leaves.... like wtf, an ambulance is on the way and I feel marginally better. Get taken in and have to keep begging for ice packs, they tell me my temperature is fine. I tell them then it has to be my brain cuz I'm on fire, they insist on taking me into psych and I explain I'm fine but need something done physically. They ask for a urine sample and I just hold it, I start feeling better in their interview room face is red and I feel better. Get interviewed by the police and held but eventually head home ask for a ride because I didn't even get anything I came for they say no. It's now dark out and as I'm leaving the cop is smiling at me in his car and waves as I'm walking my heart hurts again Will continue
>>702332014 I'm the opposite, I don't want friends because I feel like they are lexturies I have to keep up with, fucking hate when some cuck who calls me his friend asks me to go to a bar and then I have to listen to him cry, or when some bitch wants to date me. All I want form 99.9% of the woman is that they will stfu and suck my cock. And the faggot dudes to leave me alone, no I don't want to be your wingman.
There's this girl i'm interested in. We hangout throughout the summer and she went back to school this past Saturday. I told her I liked her, and she said she liked me. We didn't start dating because of whatever bullshit reason she gave me. She wants me to come visit her up at college, but the thing is, she never talks to me, or should I say; she never initiates a conversation. I didn't talk to her for a couple days and I just texted her hey on my way to work. I got an immediate response saying she misses me. I can't fucking believe that though, my thought process is If she liked me, she would talk to me, or actively try to. I just say, she is hanging out with people she has not seen in a while, but it just stresses me out and I hesitate on saying something because I'm nothing to her. I'm just some guy she may, or may not actually like. Who knows, I could just be paranoid or something, but thats how my mind works. Sometimes I just feel like I'm wasting my time on someone who is trying to play me. I haven't talked to her in about a week, and honestly I don't mind at this point. I just feel bad that if for some chance she does care about me, and she just sucks at talking to people. I know I don't talk to anyone unless I have too, but I would always be down to talk to her. I was thinking about going to visit, but now I think I might just give up.
To the anon with the girl who doesn't initiate the communication you should tell her it's okay to talk you anytime and feel free to send a message first and that you don't mind it. She is probably very insecure bro.
>>702349570 >>702348752 Btw if anyone thinks I'm schizo let me know lol. So when the police took me to hospital (it wasn't the ambulance I lied) my roommates tell me oh btw we found your ID which I told them was lost in a shed and sure enough they had it. Anyways so my heart was hurting and I swear I saw signs to follow by went home as fast as I could without my heart hurting too bad. When I get home there is a bag on the ground with the same name of a door sign in that house I was in. I disregard and just get told to wash up. I look at my arms and there is a rash all up my arms and find out it's covering my back. Super worried but nothing I can do it clears up overnight. Worried I've been infected with something all the more now one of my roommates tells me "I just don't think it's working out for you out there, I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen" I decide I need to leave the province and stay with family. Move my ass back sister flies in and helps me. Think I'm safe but I'm not it's just the beginning. Other notable things that happened in first unnamed province, i asked for time off after my first trip to the hospital and my boss gave me a pamphlet for schizophrenia society and I was like wtf enter hospital second time for physical reasons andget entered into psych when I leave bus driver says to me congratulations you made it and hands me the same pamphlet. Decide to follow up after quitting my job and get a sign from friend who gives me a lighter u think I'm just being parananoid. when I arrive and go to light cigarette feel like my heart will stop, remember sign, drop cigarette. Get a bunch of info after a long wait despite everyone there arriving after getting there. As i was hiding under aforementioned deck I was burning everything on me and noticed the schizo society card says "yeah right, you really think we'd help our own people" in small letters. I ended up in a homeless shelter for food and the whole crowd was stopped right before me.
>>702350870 That's just how girls work mate, you should know this. 80% Of girls are like you described, and 20% genuinely will like you and feel the need to speak to you and just not have any emotional walls of bullshit inbetween.
I often think there's an important role I play in this world and think on it for hours and I can't figure it out. I feel it's right there in front of me behind a curtain. Then I think that life doesn't mean much and that it doesn't matter so I say fuck it. But I can't help but to look to the sky and think there's an answer to the next step in my life but it feels like I don't have a place in this world
>>702351251 I know it's easy to think this way but I have this fire inside me that wants to make a real difference. I don't want to just be a cog in this fucked up system. I don't want to slave my life away, pay taxes, and spend my extra money on people that don't matter in the long run. I want the opportunity to change this world but it's not in my power to do so. I'm not smart enough or rich enough to do something great
my gf's best friend asked her to ask me to like her (the best friends) fb picture. She has like 400+ likes already. I dont like when people ask you to 'like' stuff on fb, especially when it feeds someones ego. should I just do it? I feel like if I dont then her best friend wont like me which is probably not a good thing. im pretty conflicted, i think asking for likes/caring about likes is pathetic yet i dont want to get on the bad side of her female best friend (i've never met the best friend)
>>702351097 The thing is, I told her jokingly that I didn't want to talk to her anymore. She started crying, and I mean almost instantly full on bawling. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? It makes me feel like a bitch If I continue with whatever this is, and I'd feel like a dick If I just up and drop her.
>>702350870 I can feel your feel man. I'm in the same situation. There's this girl that keeps walking in and out of my life. She helped me when I was shattered and in pieces, we've been together for almost an year but time did his trick and now we're living hours away. We went astray eventually but she keeps coming back, saying she miss me and other bullshit like that. We get closer and we click well, like we're perfect match, but every single time we get closer she disappears. Like stop seeing me, cut every contact and stop caring. I'm not a sensible guy and I don't trust people since I've been alone and been used for the longest time. I've already had sex with her so it's not about that unfulfilled dream. It just makes me feel the sadness rushing through my chest and feel lonely as I always used to be. I know I dodged a bullet speaking in the long term, but still I can't help feeling blue. I'm not missing her at all. I miss being loved for once.
I love the woman I'm supporting through a divorce while her husb runs off with a 16 yr old shes so fucking gorgeous and her kids love the shit out of me and arent asshats like most children i cant take it /b/ i want to be there for her THAT way but i know itll only go sour in the long run
I feel like I should follow this one girl who seems like she has saved me a position in the line and when I went up to eat only a seat next to her. A wierd painting catches my eye it's green with purple swirls with a man in a chair on either side of him it reads "Pharma" and "-ceutical soup" when suddenly I feel like my brain is exploding with information but I can't say what I imagine it's what doing DMT feels like but without the visuals. A man wearing a long poncho with green and purple swirls sits down across from me and all I can think is I'm having a psychic experience. My eyes started watering and I went to look to the girl next to me, she put her head down. The man across now says "And the question is?" and I'm just over whelmed and I say " The question is "why".... the question is always why, but really it doesn't matter." We talked briefly then he went to leave and I just couldn't help but feel I was losing an oppurtunity and I remembered one of my rommmates telling me "Don't you get it? You have to give it all up." So I ran after him and into the street as I felt the sensation leaving my body. I wandered following people in different directions feeling like I could track down where it was, then I realized that it wasn't here and running around wasn't he;lping my focus on that feeling. So I breathed slowly and went back to the shelter and he was standing right there about to leave,he approached me and I asked "When will I see you again." and he just said "Oh I think we'll be seeing you again." before he left. I decided to take it easy and trust him, take care of myself I had been running like crazy for like a a week atleast. I went back upstairs and the girl that led me to the spot was gone. I got the feeling that people were aware of me all of a sudden. I gave a guy money to go buy me cigarettes and went to get coffee. There were two different coffee thermos things
Moving to New York wasn't a mistake. Dad is proud of you. She loves you and you know it. You're only scared because you know how amazing she is. The second she gets here, nothing else will matter. And you'll be single until may anyways. Which leads me to my next point: You need to get out of the apartment more often. You haven't regretted a night out here once. You got this, buddy. I believe in you. You came here to make something of yourself and now you're the envy of everyone back home.
>>702351759 >I know it's easy to think this way so i was writing my life story and realized no ones gonna read it so ill just get to conclusion. I am a lot like you. I am trying to earn money to make a change. Its not easy. TRUST me im tired but if i wont then who will. Ill fix the world. At least thats what i tell myself .
I have an amazing friends group I hang out with regularly. We go camping, have gaming nights, hang out and smoke weed. My gf loves me more than anything and wants to spend her life with me. She excepts me for my quirks and never tries to change me. We've been together for 5 years and have a great healthy and respectful relationship and i wouldn't want anyone else in my life. I have a full time job that pays well and allows me to live comfortably without worry and the people I work with are like a little family. Damn that feels good to get off my chest.
I fooled around with a girl one of my friends is interested in. Now i can't look him in the eyes anymore. I still want to fuci her. Eventho i told my friend the truth and told him i would stop seeing her, any tips?
>>702351933 Well, time made me pretty numb to almost every emotion so I guess it is fine with me. It's like I'm sleepwalking for the most of the time. The good side of this state is that you stop caring about what people actually think of you and girls love that. The downside is that you couldn't care less about any other emotional bullshit and to avoid that you keep isolating even more than before. It's a fucking circle. And as topping of that I just found out I lost my scholarship thanks to a burocratic issue.
>>702351809 I don't know man, I feel for you. But I myself lost all trust in women, they just go really far to keep you leashed to them, because they love the attention and the feeling of possession. My ex played the same games with me, until I gave up on love, it wasn't genuine, it was all a game for her.
>>702351759 Hey anon I have a similar ambition. My partner asked me what my ambitions are in life and it's hard to explain because I never said it out loud to anyone but to sum it up its essentially for others to be happy. I want to make a difference in the world and make people understand we don't need all the shit we're told. We're so conditioned into a way of thinking that will never allow us to be happy. There's more to life than working, paying bills, buying a house, getting married and having kids then dying. Everyone of us has the ability to make a change. Except society doesn't allow us too. I want to change that, make people realise that in numbers we can take down the tyrants that make the rules. I don't know where to start though so I am going to write everything down from now and compile my ideals and philosophies to share with others. There are more like minded people out there than you think and if we could all get together we could create the much needed shit storm to put this world back into its right place
>>702352159 One said "Coffee" in black sharpie, the other said "COFFEEE" In green marker that I don;t think was a sharpie. I grab "COFFEEE" For sure, cuz why not. There is only a little bit left so I top it off with the other and proceed to grab creamers from a woman serving (I must admit stupidly after what I had just experienced I felt like I could communicate mentally with some of the people in here at this point) I just put my hand out and looked at her and she looked confused for a sec and was about to ask before she stumbled and handed me two. It made me wonder if I was being ridiculous but decided to just take care of myself. (previously during the beginning of my adventures I had three coffee's that tasted chemically almost like shady ecstasy that I felt I got high from one from starbucks one from a shady special hospital facility with police on staff and the other from my roommate who gave me the lighter) this coffee tasted the same so I jsut sipped it very slow. Being Autistic I couldn't find a place to get comfortable or act normal but I was getting all kinds of bad signs and didn''t know what to do eventually I just went out for a smoke I felt that heartache sensation and like I was losing blood to my limbs again and I just went back in to call for an ambulance. Grabbed random pillows on the way out, I had a feeling I would need them but didn't except to rest my face on in the wambulance. Started feeling mildly better before they were taking blood in the hospital and I had a sudden feeling, you guys cant take this last vile of blood. It became a struggle and ultimately I trusted them over myself and felt the impending doom sensation stronger than ever. Was convinced I would die for the first time then but everyone insured me I was fine, got interviewed by the police for the first time. Other notable moments from province number 1. I guy pulls me over out in the boonys while I'm trekking away and tells me his name then says "You understand right?"
>>702352391 Go for it anon. There are more like minded people like yourself than you think. You may not have the answer but in numbers you will. I want to get together with people like this and compile ideas on how to make a difference. I've had this fire burning most of my life and kills me everyday having people above tell us we're not worth a damn. We don't need them, it's all fabricated bullshit.
>>702353760 I just stalled, he shared a name with one of my roommates but it didnt mean anything to me. He pulls out a vaporizer and says "Mmmm that nicotine right?" and hands it my way, craving a smoke I grabbed it and inhaled deeply. HIs eyes got wide at how deep I inhaled and he kinda snorted, if anyone has any experience with inhalant stimulants I would very much like to know what this was as it felt like speed orally but.... better or liek times a thousand. Anyway I was fucked and another person randomly pulled over to us and asked a bunch of mindless questions I felt was just scripted bullshit. I tried to take his car as he left it on and I thought that was why.... that was not why and I would be taken to a hospital moments later high as fuck in the back of a police car. They wheel chair me in and I just feel fucked, eventually I'm in a hospital bed and they strapped my arms down and everything. Told me if I need anything theres the emergency button, in about 10 minutes I am feeling that ataxia/doom impending sensation and try to call for somebody.... no one is there no one is coming I know they are just around the corner but they wont come I push the button.... noo noise.... push again and again, then I look over and it's not even plugged in. Insta survival mode, I'm going balistic and I'm high as fuck on something I've never touched before (Which with the exception of heroine is most things). I managed to wrench a hand free and unstrap my other get up and dont know where to go. Feel dopey and unable to think, somehow end lying back down on another stretcher in the hall. I feel for some reason if I cover my face and all I'll be better, but I wasn't. I was thinking all kinds of crazy impossible shit, when I finally realized that the sliding door to the back exit was just 15 feet away and it was opening a bit and closing over and over and over like something was stuck in it. I'm taking that as a sign so I'm up in hospital robes and out the door.
im in shambles, have been for a few years, ex girlfriend keeps stringing me along despite dating other guys and i want to fucking die there's no way for me to meet anyone new, because i'm an introverted piece of shit
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